Audrey, Audrey Bunny

Explaining the boo-boo’s

It is Monday night, a week after we found out about Audrey, and I am sitting with Kate while she falls asleep.  Actually I am sitting with her while she talks about circles and Santa Claus while touching her toe to the floor and eying me tauntingly, quickly whipping it back on the bed when I peek over my laptop. It is her night to sleep with the bunny and she is taking her responsibility seriously.  She read her a few stories and then tucked her in by her side.

This afternoon I had a chiropractic appointment with a new chiropractor that many of my friends had referred me to.  He is amazing, and approaches the art of wellness as a Christian, which is amazing because he really does not know the “belief status” of any of his clients.  He prayed over me as he worked, and to be honest, I felt much, much better when I left.  He is insightful and kind, and he reminded me in a very hard moment who it is that we are both serving.  It was really special and life-giving to me. 
I decided to get my nails done after that because it felt like normalcy.  Others who have been through a crisis might understand this feeling…we long for the quilt of daily life to be wrapped around us as we shiver in this new, unknown place.  I listened to the women speak to each other and reveled in the fact that none of them knew my story and I could just listen and “be.” Well, God had a different plan.  My regular lady was busy, so another sweet woman started for her.  She had a very thick Vietnamese accent and because she was wearing a little paper mask, I didn’t have the benefit of lip-reading.  She told me how much she loved my wedding ring and asked how long I had been married.  Normal conversation for two people who don’t know each other and don’t really share a language.
“Six and a half years.” Polite smile…
“Any children?”
I felt my heart stop.  I wasn’t going to lie to her, despite the fact that I can barely explain the situation to my best English speaking friends.  I asked the Lord for guidance, for strength, for words.
“I have three daughters and am pregnant with my fourth.  She is very sick and will not live.”
Her fingers slowed and she looked up at me, to confirm that the look in my eyes matched what she thought she had heard.  It did.
She took her mask down and told me how sorry she was.  Her sincerity almost brought me to tears.  Then she started to tell me about her babies. I didn’t understand more than approximately every fifth word, but I got the gist of it because I am a mommy, and we don’t always need to talk to feel for each other.  Basically she had a scare in her pregnancy and thought there may be a problem with the baby, but it turned out she was fine.  The absolute highlight of the story was when I asked about her labor.
“So, how was the delivery?”
“Pretty good.  Fast.  I was five cinnamon very fast.”  (Cue sound of needle scratching off record)
“What was that?” She removed her mask for the full effect. 
“Oh yes! I went from five cinnamon to ten cinnamon in one hour! So fast!” 
 I bit my cheek so hard I almost drew blood.
There are these moments like this daily, where God gives me laughter.  He knows that my heart needs the medicine.  I snickered  the whole way home, and at the same time, I marveled at how two women with virtually nothing in common could share a few meaningful moments. It was unexpectedly beautiful.
(Update on Kate’s bedtime status….she just put Audrey-bunny in time-out for talking back. When she decided the punishment had fit the crime, she sat her up and is now teaching her how to sit criss-cross-applesauce….the bunny is acting wildly non-compliant due to the fact that she is, in fact, stuffed.)
This evening we had a really special time with the girls that I want to share with you all.  We put the bunny on a chair and we told them all about her boo-boo’s.  Each of the girls put a band-aid on her heart, and I answered the questions that they had about the baby….hence the raising of hands that you will see below.  They are really amazing kids.  So thoughtful and connected.  What a joy to watch them care for this little toy with all the love of a real sister.  I don’t know how much of this they really understand.  I pray for wisdom daily on meeting them where they are, not too little and not too much.  I would love you to join me in this prayer.
I have included some pictures of this evening so that you could feel like you were there.  As a matter of fact, I feel that many of you are with me all the time.  I had cried tears of gratitude over your partnerships.  Please don’t ever feel for a moment that your offerings on our behalf are in vain; they are part of our momentary existence.  May the God of peace hold you tonight as He is holding us.

p.s…..I can’t seem to post all of the pictures…not sure what the problem is…I will try tomorrow.
p.p.s……Kate is asleep:)

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  • Reply Melissa P. January 15, 2008 at 4:06 am

    just precious. thank you for sharing a glimpse of your day with us…i am thankful that the lord has given you the gift of laughter in the midst of this storm.

    continuing to pray for you and your girls tonight…may you all have sweet rest.

    -melissa platt

  • Reply Jeff Owen January 15, 2008 at 5:23 am

    Thank you for your courage and strength during this time. Your family is a testimony to us all, and I just want to wrap my arms around you all and squeeze! God is being glorified through all of this, and you all are being blessed through Audrey Caroline. I won’t say any more for fear of saying too much. We love you guys and are praying for you. (Like Melissa, I am thankful the Lord has given you the ability to have laughter at times through this….).

  • Reply mike post January 15, 2008 at 6:07 am

    Angie (and Todd) – I just was forwarded your blog from a mutual friend, and I want you both to know I am thinking of you both & praying for your family. Your beautiful words are still playing in my head, and I am deeply inspired by your love & faith – love, mike

  • Reply KT January 15, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Angie & Todd,
    Praying for peace, joy and even a bit of laughter to get you through today.

  • Reply beth barcus January 15, 2008 at 3:07 pm

    i especially appreciate the “cinnamon” story as i can hear my mom saying the same thing in her thick japanese accent 😉 already audrey is bringing you laughter and allowing you to connect w/ others. we love you all.

  • Reply karen44 January 15, 2008 at 6:51 pm

    Hey, Angie. Shawn gave me your blog here, so I’m glad I “found” you!

    Just wanted to let you know I’ve been praying for you guys. You’re on my heart many times each day — and each time I’m reminded of you, I pray.

    -karen lowe

    P.S. Is that 3rd redhead really Kate?! I thought she was your only brunette! Those redhead genes are powerful, eh?!! ;>)

  • Reply karen44 January 16, 2008 at 1:50 am

    Actually, now that I look again I realized that Kate is still a brunette. Must have been a glare on my computer!! Love to all.

  • Reply Rebecca January 16, 2008 at 3:46 am

    angie–thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for all that you are facing and will be praying for you, todd, and the girls. your faith and strength is amazing. love you–rebecca swift

  • Reply Ashley January 17, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    Angie, I heard about your story and your blog from my sister in law, and I am so touched by your brave and beautiful expression of this very painful experience in your journey. Your daughters are so so lucky to have you as parents (the way you have used the bunny as a tool for healing for all of you blows me away). And, as a patient and huge fan of Dr. Trabue’s, I see you are very lucky to have such a great doctor. I believe I also did some writing for Dr. Fortunato’s website, and I remember him to be an expert with research into what causes miscarriages (his theory was an infection, that, if prevented or cured, might save the baby). Very good eggs, those docs are, and I can tell from your story they realize what a special person you are. I will pray for peace and intense love and bonding for you and your family.

  • Reply Just a simple gal January 18, 2008 at 12:14 am

    Just wanting you to know that I’m weeping — and laughing — and praying with you. A verse that I’ve clung to during some rough months lately is Isaiah 52: 12 – For the Lord will go before you and the God of Israel will be your rear guard. How awesome is our Lord that He prepares the way for us!

  • Reply keri cochran January 18, 2008 at 4:23 am

    I am blown away by your story. Through all of my tears and laughter, your words have been a gift to me. I don’t know if you will remember me from FHBC Tues morn. bible study, but we also met at Centennial, where I am a nurse in the NICU. We so rarely are given the opportunity to hear the stories of our sweet babies in the nicu. Your story has given me new eyes and a softened heart. Any one of us would be certainly blessed to be a part of Audrey Caroline’s life. You will be my prayer tonight and the days and weeks to follow.

  • Reply Marin January 20, 2008 at 10:04 pm

    My mom got an email from her friend with the link to your blog and sent it to me (We’ve heard Todd a number of times, loved every concert).

    Anyway, I wanted to tell you all that I’m praying for you. Audrey is a miracle just by the fact that her story is blessing so many people and giving laughter.

  • Reply Naomi Solomon February 20, 2008 at 5:53 am

    Angie – I just spent some time reading the updates about Audrey. Please know I am praying for you! Your story holds a special place in my heart as I am pregnant with our third child. Our first, Ali Grace, is a healthy 18 month old, but our second one is in heaven. I had the privilege of caring him/her for only about 7 weeks, but now am pregnant with our second little girl due to arrive on June 12th. As I walk through this pregnancy know that think of you often and pray down strength for you to cling to the Lord. Our pastor taught on Psalm 22 this last Sunday and it was such an encouragement to me that God does not forsake us even when it feels sometimes He is not near! May He feel near to you always during these months!

  • Reply Deanna November 14, 2008 at 5:42 pm

    Hi (again :O) ), I visited yesterday for the frist time and left a comment at your first blog post. I am really touched by your willingness to share your story. I cannot comprehend your emotions, for I have not been there, but as a mother of two precious gifts, I can hold a special place in my heart and prayers for you. I look forward, as time allows me, to read through the rest of your on-line journaling.
    Much blessings to you and your family.
    In Christ’s Love,

  • Reply Polly & Steve December 3, 2008 at 7:44 pm

    Angie, I just read your blog, and it touched my heart so, I lost a child 42 years ago and I am thankful that you have your wonderful girls. I adopted my son who is 37 years old now. God knew that Bill needed a home, as much as we needed him.
    God is good!
    I will be following your blog and praying for you and your girls.
    Polly and Steve

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