I Thee Wed…

Hello all.  I feel like I should apologize for being absent for a few days…life has been chaotic, and I have missed my time with you.  It is good therapy.  I am sitting on my bed, freshly clean from the shower while the Food Network reminds me of how slowly I chop and how I do not know how to eyeball ingredients at all. Daily I am reminded that I am a measurer. The whole “dash” and “pinch” thing stresses me out. I need teaspoons and red and white plaid cookbooks.  This quality, as you may have surmised, extends to pretty much every part of my life, and has always been one of the things that I like the least about myself.
When we first heard about Audrey, the doctors explained that in the state of Tennessee, you may “terminate” up to 21 weeks.  I turned 21 weeks today, which is ironic because today I also celebrated a very special anniversary.  Seven years ago today I became a Christian. I sat in my car in a dark parking lot and I did the most amazing thing…no plan, no map, no real promises of what the rest was going to be.  Surrender…hmmm…not my strong point…..What great mercy He gave me in that moment.  What confidence in the absence of proof. 
I planned to celebrate today by going on a date with God.  I love to do this…I just sit in a coffee shop and listen to Him while I sip away the world.  A word to the wise, if someone asks you who you are waiting for, don’t say Jesus.  And also, don’t tell them that He will be picking up the tab.  It doesn’t really fly.  Anyway, I was working on a project all day and the time just got away from me, but I will do it soon, and I will let you know if anything good happens (it always does).
Currently, the Lord is requesting the 3-6 a.m. slot for our quiet time. Usually it begins with me sitting straight up in bed, eyes wide open, trying to adjust to the darkness in more ways than one.  I have talked to Him about possibly beginning our time a few hours later, with the sound of classical music and birds singing, but so far He is sticking to His guns.  A few nights ago, I had it out with Him.  I feel like I understand a bit of what Jacob felt when He wrestled with God, and I also feel like I know what it feels like to refuse to release Him until He has blessed you.  
For some reason I started thinking of my mothering and my children’s behavior in a very philosophical and meaningful way (this was after about an hour of staring at the wall and sulking, in case you are thinking that I jump right into Genesis when I pray.  I actually Job it up for a good long while, so don’t be too impressed).
As a mother, I want my children to obey me.  In fact, unless I am gabbing on the phone or a new issue of Real Simple has just shown up, I pretty much demand it.  But I get so sick of hearing myself repeating:
“Did you mean to say Yes Ma’am?”  
“Tell her you’re sorry you stabbed her with the wand.”
“Ladies don’t eat with their hands behind their backs like they were just served in a trough.” 
“Say thank you. Say you’re welcome.  Say you love your burnt dinner.  Say yes.  Say no.  Say you can hear me!”
It doesn’t have the same effect as it does when they just do it, unprompted, for no other reason than that it is the right thing to do at that moment.  Several months ago, I walked to Abby and Ellie’s room after I heard Abby take a tumble.  With my hand on the door, I was struck in mid-motion as Ellie began to pray.  She asked the Lord to heal Abby, to help her not to hurt, and to be with her.  It was the prayer of a 4 year old who knew nothing but love for her sister, and a little bit of what it was to trust in the Great Physician.  Once again, in the event that you are tempted to visualize what our home is like on a moment to moment basis, you should know that after the bunny photos were taken, Abby gave “birth” to a pink Care Bear and a small (completely unfamiliar) dog, which was followed by a ten minute long screaming chase around the couch as they lovely ladies had an old-fashioned custody battle.  
So, around 4:30 a.m., in the stillness of the night, God whispered to me, and I heard something that changed the way I am processing this situation.  It occurred to me that while obedience is a great outcome, it is often tainted by the feeling as a parent that when you have forced it, you are ultimately responsible for it, and not the child.  I don’t think it is any different with God.  In that moment, I had an image of God that will stay with me for the rest of my life.
He has bound His own hands in order that He might be glorified through His people
Do I think He wants me to suffer? No.  Do I wonder if He has turned His back on me? He never would.  Do I wish it was different? Yes.  Do I think He could heal her and just call it a day?  I absolutely do.   Do I want Him to be glorified more than I want to change things?  Truthfully, the answer is “I think I do, but Lord this hurts.” 
I cannot go on without thanking you for standing in the gap.  I get emails every day from people I don’t know, people I may never meet, people who don’t really have a good reason in their busy lives to bother.  I read every word over and over and I marvel at the hearts behind them, the fact that the words really do minister to me.  
Our gracious God has chosen Audrey’s life to be what it is because He knew that all of us, behind what we thought was the closed door of a quiet bedroom, would seek the Great Physician.  Thank you for being faithful to this, and for praying for the strength for me to do the same. I weep at the thought of how He is weaving this story together, and how much I love my little girls.  All four of them.
And so today I celebrate my days with Him.  All seven years and counting. And I thank Him for January 17th, a day where more than once, He has inspired me to choose life.
Thank you Lord. Here’s to Your glory, for better or for worse…
Angie

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • karen44

    Angie: Thank you for not being perfect. And I mean this with the utmost sincerity! In past years I would find myself saying, “I wish I was more like (insert name here)” and quite often it was the name of someone from the Smith-side. I’ve realized that is not who God wants me to be. You’re very good at being “real”, and I appreciate that about you!

    I was concerned about how this trial would affect your young walk — I’m glad to see that God knew you could handle it! (How very big of me, right?!) It’s not easy, I’m sure, but you’re going through it with the firm belief that God is good, and He makes no mistakes.

    I’m praying that God will bring Audrey into this world whole, with an amazing plan for her life. If He chooses not to, I’m praying that His name will be glorified, even “in the rain.”
    -karen lowe

  • His Princess at 43

    Angie, I had no idea you were so young. God has imparted much wisdom for a seven-year-old. I’m writing because I can’t stop the tears. I too say “I want you to be glorified in my situation, but Lord THIS HURTS”. Also to tell you that as you were receiving your new “birth” on January 17th seven years ago, I was giving birth to my baby boy. I too am so thankful for Jan. 17 and all the blessings that have come from that day. I love you. Regina

  • Jessica

    love you, dear girl.

  • Melissa P.

    thank you for allowing us to catch a glimpse of this piece of your journey…especially with such vulnerability and honesty. god is glorifying himself through your life…and through audreys.

    praying for sweet rest for you tonight…and maybe even a later meeting time with the lord! :)

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • J&B

    My heart aches for your family. And yet I’m blessed by your trust in our perfectly soveriegn LORD. He has used your story to speak into my life. Much Love and Many Prayers, Brandy Fultz May the Lamb that was slain receive the reward of His suffering. Glory to God.

  • tender_heart1

    Dearest Angie,
    I am Lisa and I am a Registered Nurse at Loma Linda University Children’s Hospital on Acute Pediatrics. Our chaplain Christie told me about Audrey when Selah performed at University Church and my heart went out to you and Todd and your sweet girls. I am so sorry that you all are going through this trying situation but I know that God will carry you through it all as painful as it is. I have never lost a child but I have been there on occasion when a child has died. It doesn’t happen often in the area where I work but the times it has really sticks with you as a nurse. I thank you for your transparency in sharing your situation with us; I pray that it will be healing to you and Todd and the girls as the time goes by. I want you to know that, although we don’t know one another personally, our spirits are united as followers of Jesus…and this one thing I know: he is faithful and will never forsake the righteous. I love you and will pray for the very best that God has for you, Todd and your girls. Please take care of yourself and leave the rest to Him:-)
    ~Lisa DeBrier

  • Lonnie

    Julie sent me your blog-you probably don’t remember me, but my daughter (Taylor) was the flower girl in Julie’s wedding. I just wanted to say that I am praying for you and your family during this time. I have cried and laughed while reading your blog. Your strength is amazing. Your willingness to allow God to work through you and touch others in your very own time of need is selfless. Thank you! May your words continue to touch others. And may you feel peace and comfort during this time.

    -Melissa Haber

  • Megan

    Angie,
    You may not remember me just from my name lol but you will remember me as Todd’s stalker (which I later found out I was being refered to as) This is Megan!!! I remember the concert you were at here in Michigan when you were pregnant with the twins and had to be rushed to the hospital that day. You had so many complications. I KNOW that the Lord uses you and Todd and now your girls for so many great things. You inspire so many without even trying. I admire you to no end but love the fact that you will be the first to admit you are not perfect. I remember your wedding and oh god do I remember TODDS FEET EWW!!! But mainly I remember how humble you both are and how much in love with the Lord you guys are. I miss seeing you guys. I am now a mother of a wonderful 1 year old baby boy named Matthew James (not for Todd LOL) and am 13 weeks pregnent with number 2. Now that I am a mother things have been crazy. But you wouldn’t trade a day of it for the old you. Right?? Kids are the greatest thing in the world.
    Ok back on track. Angie I know the love you have inside of you for those girls and the love you have for your hubby and the love you have for YOUR GOD!!! He is with you and HE will bring you all through this. Keep your heads up and know that HE has HIS plan for everything. I look at it this way…My friend just lost her 12 hour old baby girl to a rare condition…The Lord needs situations like this sometimes to reach the people that otherwise seem unreachable. (*God don’t NEED anything I know but I didn’t have another word*) So feel privaleged when you can that He is confident enough in you and your family to use you all in such a mighty way.
    Much Love.
    Megan (Hildebrand) Edney
    supermom0427@yahoo.com

  • Athena

    You don’t know me but I guess you could say that we are family that just haven’t met yet…I stumbled upon your blog clearly by accident, well I guess not…I really don’t believe in accidents. I was visiting the Selah website to get touring information and started reading. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has a purpose for the life that you are carrying inside of you…He never makes a mistake. Keep the faith and know that someone in Texas will be praying for you and your family everyday. Remember, He is the Great Physician and there is none other like Him…His ways are not our ways…

  • Luces

    Wow. Your blog has blown me away. Tears…and laughter…and an overwhelming sense of gratitude that we love the same amazing God. I know you have no idea who I am – we are involved in the Rouster’s ministry and they sent out a newsletter with a link to your story. More importantly, I am a sister in the Lord and praying for your sweet sweet family.
    I was just wondering if you have ever heard of the book THE SHAMING OF THE STRONG, by Sarah Williams. I don’t think it’s very well known; I got my copy from a friend who knows the author. It’s an incredible story of a godly, devoted family who experienced something very similar to you all. I just thought I would mention it to you and if you are at all interested, I will send it to you.
    My heart so badly wants to help in some way. I hope I’m not freaking you out?!? :)
    Thank you so much for laying yourselves out there as a testimony of faith. I can tell you that you have already brought Him glory.
    Praying with you,
    Jen djluce2@juno.com
    PS. – Did I mention how beautiful your girls are???

  • nancyguthrie

    Angie:
    What beautiful words and what beautiful struggle and surrender. I know that strange journey of carrying life and anticipating death—the awkward conversations as well as the intensely meaningful ones, the huge disappointment as well as the great sense of joy in a new-found intensity with God.
    “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine” 1 Peter 1:6-7.
    Your faith is being proved genuine and it is a beautiful thing to behold.
    —Nancy Guthrie

  • basavienna

    Angie, I am in awe at your ability to have such a sweet heart when it must be breaking into. I received an email from a friend asking me to pray for you and your sweet family. I decided to click on the blog and have read your entries. I suddenly realized that I met you one night when you were pregnant with the twins. It was in August and you had just found out. I was at my 40th classroom reunion and you were there with the photographers. I was so drawn to your wonderful smile and your friendliness. I have thought of you many times since then. We both lived in Bellevue and I just knew you were special. We conversed and I found out that you were married to a member of my most favorite group in the world–Selah. I had just picked up their newest album and you were going to get Todd to sign it. I kept up with you later by calling the photographer and checking in. I found out when the twins were born on the Selah web-site. I then ran in to you once again at a concert of Selah at Brook Hollow Baptist Church. I have the words printed and framed in an 11×14 frame to Be Still My Soul.
    I am so terribly sorry about what is happening with Audrey, but our God is bigger than any genetic disorder if he chooses to heal her in the womb. You are such a stong believer. you have made great and godly choices. I will pray for the family and will check back on the blog regularly. My daughter had a miscarriage in Sept. with our first grandbaby. We were devastated. She was so strong and positive. I pray God will allow her to have a child. I tried for 6 years before getting pregnant with my first child (taking Clomid)I was pregnant with 3 babies but wound up with Vanishing Baby Syndrome and at 7 months learned we were only having one. We are so grateful to God for giving us 2 wonderful godly women. Be at peace and know that pray warriors all around are lifting you all high.
    Blessings, Bonny Campbell

  • Heather

    My mom and I had the pleasure of attending Selah’s amazing concert in Springfield last weekend. Strangely, all day that Saturday, I felt like there was something else in store for me that evening, and then I found out why. Unfortunately, my husband, Matt and I have been through a similar situation as the one you and your wife are facing. Hopefully, you won’t think of this note as being from a stranger, because when I heard about your story, you were no longer a stranger to me.

    Our first baby, Madison, was born full-term after a long, slow labor, then a c-section, but she was missing some very important little parts. Her kidneys and lungs had not developed and she lived for only 3 short days, the machines just couldn’t keep her going, and we had to unhook her. . . it was simply devastating. Even though we had several ultra-sounds that could have shown the abnormalities, we were told that everything was fine. Her room was all ready to go, with the new crib, everything from the baby showers, a stock-pile of diapers, (you already know how much stuff babies need) . . . but it just wasn’t God’s plan for us to have a baby yet. Walking past that room several times each day cut like a knife.

    It was a dark time for us, but it was also such a bright time for us, because God’s light was shining so strongly at the end of that dark tunnel. We felt like we were inside God’s protective “bubble,” because there were so many details that could have made things even more difficult for us. His grace was so tangible, we felt it everyday. We have now been blessed with two stinkin’ cute little ones, Luke is 6 and Meg is 2, (named after little Maddie, whose initials spelled MEG).

    Please know we are praying for your family to have peace with whatever the next day holds, the courage to face it and the strength to keep walking down the path that God chose for you. Then, on those days, when you you’ve lost all three, just let Him carry you in His arms for a while until you’re ready to walk on your own two feet again . . . even if it takes a long time. May God bless your family’s journey.

  • Diane

    Angie,
    I don’t even know if you’ll see this since it’s about a post so long ago but I wanted to write now before I finish reading your story. I am an OB/GYN in Phoenix, AZ. I am WEEPING profusely as I read your blog even though this is the kind of stuff I am trained to deal with. It NEVER gets easier. And I have to add that I also still get teary-eyed when I deliver babies even though I’ve delivered more than 2000!!! I’m probably just some hopeless crybaby.

    Mostly I’m writing to you to encourage you and to compliment you on sticking it out and living God’s will, even in the tough times! Your story is an encouragement to me and I’d love to share it with patients who are going through a tough time if that’s OK with you.

    I’m looking forward to reading the rest of your story and I’m anxious to see how God works through Audry’s life.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story!!!

    Diane Hibbs, DO
    OB/GYN

  • Courtney Beddingfield

    Angie, I have just started to read your blog after my sister recommended it. Although I am not very far into your story. I already feel very blessed by you. This post in particular was just what I needed to read today. You are amazingly inspiring in your trust in the Lord. I beleive God has much in store for me to learn from you.

  • Melanie

    Angie, thank you. Thank you for allowing God to use your pain to illuminate HIM.

    I too have tears streaming down my face after reading such a small part of this story, regardless of knowing the earthly outcome. Your determination to praise Him ‘in the rain’ brought me to my knees today. Again.

    At the age of 29 I was surprised by love when I was least expecting it, and I am in my first serious relationship. Within weeks of starting to date he became seriously ill. It has been months now. It is inexplainable and seemingly undiagnosable…and therefore untreatable. Though God’s hand has been evident throughout this trial, this week I have struggled with being angry and bitter about his condition. Monday all I could do was weep over the sense of loss I feel. This illness has removed from our relationship most of the ‘normal’ things we had so come to enjoy – walks to enjoy creation, serving at the church together, spending time with friends.

    I was reminded today by Beth Moore’s daughter in their LPM blog that I need to praise Him anyway. Melissa was having ‘a day’ (don’t we all have those now and then) and told us about her go-to song from Selah – Before the Throne of God – which is how I found this blog.

    May you be surprised by joy in your moments of darkest pain and may God continue to bless you for your willingness to be used, exactly where you are at.

  • Paula

    I love, love! the idea of a date with God. I think I’m gonna add that to my weekly calendar. Thank you for sharing your life and such a great idea. I have my quiet time with God, but never thought of a special date with God.

  • Wayne Images

    I’ve only just found your story. You are such an inspiration to me with your undying, unyielding faith! God bless you all.
    Jeri

  • Nathan Selles

    Angie: A friend of mine told me about your blog and I can’t not help but cry as I read your story. You are a wonderful witness as a Christian and I always hope that if some thing like this happened to me I could be as strong as you. I pray that God will continue to strengthen you and your family as you give strength to others with your story.
    Bethany