In the Mourning

I am sitting in Starbucks, sipping a non-fat, decaf paper cup of healing.  My only regret is that I passed on the whip cream.  Our babysitter is with the girls, and I am listening to a group of college students chat about what really matters in life.  I am tempted to tell them that they don’t have a clue, but for now I am just enjoying the escape.  If I didn’t know better, I would say that I was doing great.  I have make-up on, I had a play-date with a group of amazing women today, and God has given me the strength to be a single parent while Todd is gone (he left Tuesday and will return Sunday).

From the outside looking in, I am just another girl with a hot drink.  
This imitation of reality has become somewhat of a refuge for me.  It feels really nice to slip into the rhythm of life and pretend that I am just like everybody else.  Mostly, people don’t even notice that I am pregnant, which is a gift in such a time.  Inevitably, if they ask, and I produce my “15 second version” of the story, they look at me like we have known each other for years.  It just transcends whatever the moment was just before they knew.  I am daily reminded that there are parts of life that we politely avoid with people we have just met (Who did you vote for? Who, in your life, has inflicted the deepest wound you carry?  Why do you continue to shape your eyebrows as if you were constantly surprised?).  And yet, in the few moments that follow an exchange of meaningless greeting, God has opened the door for Audrey’s name.  Either that, or I just feel like they should know her.  One way or another, I have felt an amazing strength in sharing that I would never have expected because I feel like she might not have a chance to use her own voice in this life.  And every time I do, I feel like people minister to me in ways they probably will never know.  You have no idea how many people respond with, “I have a friend who went through something very similar…” or “A few years ago, I lost a baby…”
Every single one of those stories has mattered more to me than I could ever explain.  There is great camaraderie in suffering. 
If you are reading this, I want you to know that if you shared your story with me, I was moved by your transparency and your pain.  It mattered to me.  If you have taken the time to comment on this blog, I want you to know that I have prayed for you.  Every one of you.  I have thanked God that you care about my little girl, and even about me.
I feel like I have included you on the spiritual highs of this journey (and there are many every day), but the truth is that right this minute, I just wish that God had picked someone else.  I wish the cup had passed.  I wish I cared about what the coolest songs on the radio are and what kind of purse I was carrying.  Okay, that last one was me trying to sound deep.  I actually carry a Coach purse that cost my husband more money than our winter electric bill.  Let’s just get that out in the open.  And while we are at it, I want you to know that I read People magazine. Quite frankly (brace yourself), I am a subscriber.  
Wow.  Still there? 
I just want you to know that as much as I love the Lord, I am by no means the type of person who sails through life just smiling and toting my Bible from house to house while I spiritualize every moment.  I wish you could be here with me, sipping coffee, so I could tell you the whole story from the beginning.  I don’t even know why I am saying all of this except that there are people I have read about or connected with in my life, and I just stare at them with my mouth open, wondering how they have it so together. Todd and I have a running joke about a girl that he used to have a crush on, long before me, and after I met her, I was so blown away that in the car on the way home I told him he probably should have tried harder to win her over:) I am not one of those girls who have it all figured out.  I am the other one.  I guess I just want you to know that if there is something in my words or my actions that resonates with you, I pretty much have nothing to do with it.  In fact, I am such an incredibly harsh critic of my own writing that I don’t allow myself to edit these posts for fear of the fact that I may draw a picture for you that looks more like a photograph than a work in progress.  What you see, what you are drawn to feel for me and for my daughter is only, and completely, an act of God.  
And so, I sit.
The college kids went to go see a movie and one of the employees just asked me what I was working on (which, I think, was a polite way of asking why my eyes were red and puffy).  I am waiting on a dear friend to meet me here, and this post is actually a response to her (very kind) urging to update this site…thank you Jess.  I guess all of these words are building up to a prayer request that I have been sitting on for a few days and not sure how to formulate into words. The most simple way, I suppose, is just to come out and say it.
I cannot believe how much this hurts.
I don’t know how to even get out of bed in the morning, or to answer phone calls, or explain to my children for the 100th time why baby Audrey will not sleep in the crib that we have had set up for months.  I feel like I may not get through this pain in one piece.  And all the while, I don’t want to burden people, I don’t want them to feel like they have to make it better because that is a losing battle.  It won’t be better.  
For years, I have been a part of Todd’s ministry.  I have felt that way because people have told me their stories, how his music had helped them through the darkest times.  And here is the truth.  I have never ONCE taken those conversations for granted.  I have been so incredibly moved that someone I love so much could have been a part of healing a stranger. Because of what we are going through, I feel so bittersweet about him being gone.  I believe in him and his work as much as anyone could, but we all miss him desperately.  The night he left, we stood at the window and sobbed while we waved at his headlights and faced an empty house. Ellie kept making up goofy jokes to make my face “not red,” and then informed me that it was time for bed because when we woke up, we wouldn’t be sad anymore.  I waited until they were asleep, and then I fell apart.  I haven’t completely put myself together again, and I think that is why I have hesitated to write.  
It’s easier to let people feel the strength than it is to be in pieces, begging for mercy.
It’s easier to talk about the possibility of healing than it is to face the fact that she may not be healed.
It’s easier to say that you feel God than it is to say that you don’t.
Please join me, as you have in moments of inexplicable joy, in this moment of downright grief. I covet your prayers as I am trying to navigate these waters.  As I plan for what may very well be the thorn that God has chosen for me to bear…I want to feel like I carried it well, that I honored my Audrey and my God.
I came across something tonight that speaks of the one and only Jesus. Even in the silence, He has reminded me that He is not absent. 
About a week before Audrey’s diagnosis, I was shopping at a local maternity boutique that is going out of business.  Everything in the store was drastically reduced, and I noticed some little vintage-inspired photo albums that were absolutely beautiful.  They didn’t have many styles left, and I saw two that immediately reminded me of the three girls that I already have.  One had two little babies asleep together, and another had a raven-haired little girl that looked a lot like Kate when she was a baby.  I grabbed them, and then decided to get one for Audrey as well. They only had one other “girl” style, which was partially obscured by its case, so I grabbed it without really looking at it. After we found out that Audrey was sick, I wanted to put her ultrasound photos somewhere special, and I pulled out the albums.  I literally gasped for air and sobbed while He reminded me that He is in control.  The first picture is of the “Abby and Ellie” album and the “Kate” album. The second one is Audrey’s.  You will notice that they are distinctly and painfully different, in a way that breaks my heart and draws me to the God who so ordained them to be.  I am resting in that tonight as I weep for the baby I may not get to love in this world.  She will be loved deeply, eternally, perfectly.  Thank you for helping me to carry this hurt…I thank God for every one of you.  Angie


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  • Just a simple gal

    been checking back with and praying with you even when you don’t post…so wanted to let you know that i’m weping for you- hold to our God and let Him carry you. praying you feel His peace…T

  • Jessica

    I love you, my dear friend and sister. I am walking through this with you every day… praying for you, crying for you, loving you. I know you know that, but wanted to remind you of it again. xoxo

  • Catherine

    I’m praying for you too.. I know you don’t know me, but I’m holding you up to our God and pray that you feel His arms around you …

    Crying with you, feeling your pain in your words.

    In His love,
    Catherine

  • Megan

    Ang,
    Oh my, I couldn’t get through this without tearing up. I was picturing you and the girls in the window waving at Todd as he left for the road and I imagined how he felt leaving you guys at home during this time and wondered how he got to his destination with tears in his own eyes. I pictured you sitting in Starbucks and sipping you drink listening to the conversations around you that really mean nothing compared to the grand scheme of things. I was brought back to your rehearsal dinner for your wedding when you thanked your friend for teaching you how to blend your eyeshadow. I remembered watching your engagement video and you jumping up and down and crying histerically with so much joy. I remember the story being told by Todd and Allan both about how the choir was waiting to come in and were all excited for you both for your engagement. I remember sitting at your inlaws house watching your wedding video and Molly and I seeing ourselves get up and follow the wedding party out only to find out that the church was not dismissed yet and that no one was following behind us…Embarresing lol. I remember going go carting with Todd and Dan and getting so upset cause I didn’t fit in my flipping car but how Todd and Dan were so nice about it and made sure I was included in things while down in Nashville. I remember the card you sent me and the many stories you shared with me.

    All this said its memories that I have of you and your family and I have forever been grateful for how close you had let me in your lives back then.

    I read what you are going through and my friend is going through something kinda along the same lines and I sit and almost don’t want to go to my full anatomy ultrasound in 2 weeks. The Lord is moving in such a powerful way up here in Michigan in my home and in such a powerful was down there in your home in Tenn. I would be lying if I said that I have these deep encounters with God all the time but I find my closest time to Him is while I am singing. There are certain songs that just make my stomach burst with this feeling of pure abandonment and joy and its so amazing. I’m sitting here watching my little guy run around and see what he can get into without momma knowing but to his amazement even while typing its like I still know what he is doing. Even when we don’t think God hears us or sees us He does. I wish I had those “magical” words that would just “POOF” make EVERYTHING ok and all better in everyones lives but I don’t and I won’t pretend I do. Just know that even though you have a hard time getting out of bed and holding it together for your family, they may not see that and they still think you are supermom and even though you think you don’t have it all together or figured out you still are someones hero and you are an inspiration to all of us that don’t have it all together and don’t know how to function. YOU are the perfect fit for Todd…(another short story) Back when Todd was letting me know how to tell when that one was the one he told me that I needed to make sure that that man was in complete AWE of me. That man would never complete me but he would compliment me. I found that in my husband and I had those words ringing in my head. YOU found that in Todd. You both compliment each other, God completes you. Without your hubby I would never have gone to let alone finished college. I wouldn’t of had that stepping stone that I had to make me who I am today. Without the amazing people that we allowed to be in our lives at one time we wouldn’t be who we are. Angie just know that even though I haven’t seen you guys in about 4 or 5 years I do miss you dearly and think and pray for you all the time.
    I hope this made some sense.
    Love you bunches
    Megs

  • Charity Betts

    I don’t know you, however, I ran across your blog while my husband was purchasing tickets for your husband’s concert in Springfield, Ohio tonight. (The funny thing is this: He had mentioned the concert several weeks ago and I didn’t really want to go citing the $$$ for the tickets and the $$$ for the sitter it would require. On Monday I came home and he was online ordering the tickets and I threw a minor, or not so minor, fit of, “I thought we’d talked and you understood why I didn’t want to go.” I was suddently humbled when he responded that my mom had given us $$$ for the tickets and offered to help as a sitter.) I shared that simply because maybe it would be a glimpse into my world. Had it not been though for that I would never have run across your blog and your current cup… I have no words, I just wanted to simply say that your story breaks my heart and you are being lifted in my prayers daily.

  • Lizzie Fish

    we think of you every day. thank you so much for your honesty and your willingness to share.

  • Anonymous

    Angie, Thanks for one of the best mornings out with the girls that I’ve had in forever. I’m so glad that we all had the chance to sit on the “deep couch” and just talk about life. I love what you said about praying life into Audrey and that has been my constant thought over these last 24 hours. I pray that our awesome God would shower you with peace and that you would feel His presence each moment that you walk through this journey. I praise God that your ultrasound tech allows you hours to peek into the life of your daughter. It’s a gift of time that I’m sure you will cherish forever. Thanks for sharing your journey with us and I can’t wait to go sit on the couch again soon. Sincerely, Ashley E.

  • harm0nysinger

    Life is not easy; you and I both know that. But God never gives us more than we can handle, and every second of your struggle has a purpose. You are touching hearts and lives with your story, even as yours is touched.

    Never feel like you are a burden. Isn’t that what brothers and sisters in Christ are for, to share in everything, to laugh and to cry together, to support each other no matter what the situation?

    Know that I am praying for you and your family, that God would continue to give you the strength to get through this.

    Rachel

  • Anonymous

    You don’t know me. For the last couple of weeks I have been drawn to your blog. Last night I went to your husband’s concert in Ft. Wayne, Indiana. As he sang “Broken Road” I prayed for you. May the God of all grace and peace fill you with Him. Thank you for sharing your precious Todd with so many when you really would rather have him with you and your family. My husband and I were ministered to greatly last night!

  • Marin

    I’ve felt that way before. I’ve never gone through anything close to what you and Todd and the girls are dealing with right now, but I’ve been at that place where you don’t want to bother people while your world is falling apart and when it’s easier to pretend you’ve got it together when you don’t. And people kept telling me I was strong, that I inspired them and I secretly wanted to scream and tell them “I can’t put on an act anymore and I don’t have it together!” Really, the only glue holding my heart up was God, and that’s a pretty good thing because in those times, your heart can be so impossibly broken that you’d better have some good glue. God makes super glue look like oily puddy :)

    This quote from The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis helped me: “Do not be decieved, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do God’s will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.”

    I’m don’t know if you have read it but it’s a letter between two devils and the “Enemy” is God. It helped me realize that even in my weakest times of trusting God, because I still am holding onto that trust at all, I’ll be ok.

    The albums are nothing short of amazing and proof that God has his hands in all things.

    Praying for you all.

  • Jeanine

    In your brokenness, Jesus is shining. Your honesty and ability to admit weakness and doubt makes the reality of what you are going through more tangible to those of us who don’t know you. I am blessed and moved to pray every time I read your words. May Jesus love on you sweetly as you grieve, and may He give you His strength when you are weak.
    When I got to the end and saw the albums, I gasped. God is so amazing. I love that nothing surprises Him.

  • Jody

    Hi Angie~
    This is my first time to your blog and I wanted you to know I had been here. I am moved. I am praying for you…with you. Rejoicing in the peace God is giving you; aching for the pain you bear. In my own life I have suffered grief- more than I thought I could ever bear. My story is one that parallels parts of yours that is unfolding.
    I invite you to stop by my blog and read some of my story. I thank God for His faithfulness, His compassion, His mericies. I have often wished things could have gone differently in my own life- having lost a young daughter and still living with challenges in another. Still, I know that God is a God who heals. He loves. His ways are higher. So with each step of my own journey I am learning to trust, to surrendar, to rest in His promises. It’s amazing to me how I find gifts of hidden beauty in the midst of heartache and grief. That is how amazing God is. He turns the brokeness of my life into something beautiful to behold. I just want you to know that I will follow your journey. I will pray feverently. I understand some of your sorrow and questions. But more importantly, I understand His peace. I know God will pour Himself out to you in ways you never even dreamed He could. May you find rest and wholeness in Him- the Creator of all things. Thank you for sharing your life…Audrey’s life. I am blessed because of it.
    Most sincerely~ Jody Ferlaak

  • votemom

    i have no comforting words to offer…

    i am so deeply sorry for the grief and mourning. your heart is not just broken, but wounded and sore.

    thank God that His mercies are new each morning… and each hour.

    He is being glorified and praised thru your life . . . may that fact somehow bring you a mysterious and incomprehendable comfort.

  • Sarah

    We have never met but I count it an honor to have been reading your story and to cry for you to the One who made us all. You are a gracious writer and your honesty is beautiful. Life is not all shiney and pretty. It hurts. But as you said early on, Jesus is still the same. He will carry you.

  • Anonymous

    My sister in Christ Angie….Every time I think of you and truth be told is often, I lift you and your family in prayer ..I have to tell you that the other day in my car we (my 2 girls and me) were listening to your husband and the song was Broken Road, in truth I started to cry and out laud started to pray for you ..don’t worry my 2 girls know that I’m funny that way they are used to me by know so my oldest Alex without saying anything changed the songs on me and put on I Bless your Name ….I asked her why and she said that she know only one way to not be sad and that was to Bless Gods name …not to bad for a 9 yrs old no ?? So today as I sit here and read you blog only one thing came to mind …2 Corinthians 12:9 Oh Angie Only Jesus grace is sufficient for us, and sister His strength is made perfect in all our weaknesess ..so to be sad or to cry or to feel as all of us do when there is pain in our life is normal and Jesus says ..let My grace be sufficient ….May the Lord continue to bless you and you family …still praying for you, crying with you, still knowing that God is in control of our lives, you sister in Christ Damarys

  • Anonymous

    Hi Angie–
    I just found your blog last night, and I was so captivated by your story that I read the whole thing all at once. Your posts have affected me profoundly.

    I am so relieved to read your honest words because in my current crushing pain, I have felt so isolated and lonely around those who can make Christianity look and sound like a 24/7 “teacups ride.” You are a gifted writer, and you are faithful. God has spoken to my heart through you. Thank you for the smiles, the tears, and reminding me that even in the midst of our darkest hours, God still touches our lives through things like the albums, the bunny, a supportive ultrasound tech, and caring doctors.

    Though we have never met, I feel like you have eased my loneliness, discouragement, and isolation more than many of my friends and family (who can be clueless about what matters like those college students at Starbucks). Thank you for opening yourself up and risking making yourself vulnerable when you could easily have chosen to grieve in private. Your transparency and love for God have made a big impact on me. I will continue to read here and pray for you and your family.

    As a last note, thank you for your sacrifice as you give your husband the ability to minister to others when it costs you the love and support you could have with him staying at home. His music and voice have ministered to me for many years and though numerous trials.
    Sincerely,
    Kristen

  • Matthew Paul Turner

    I hate being the only shallow comment, but sometimes shallow is healing. I LOVE PEOPLE MAGAZINE TOO.

    We pray for you everyday. Honestly, that might sound just as shallow. I know that it isn’t, but it sometimes sounds that way. If you and Todd need some time together alone and are in need of a babysitter, please, let us know!

    On a side note, I was telling Jess that I so wish I was going with you guys on the Christian cruise. I would make an excellent Christian-cruise partner. But could we do it without the convenience of texting? Haha. Not sure.

    Also, your storytelling is breathtaking. Really is. If you want a laugh, call me… I’ll read you a bit of Churched.

  • lora_r

    It’s me again…your never-before-met sister in Christ. I really do feel such a connection with you even though I have never gone through what you’re experiencing now.

    Thank you for being so vulnerable in front of all of us. It’s easy to show it in front of God, and sometimes in front of your spouse, but you have put yourself “out there” for all of us. You should not feel be afraid or ashamed about falling apart. Good grief. :o ) Life is NOT easy…that’s why we are brothers and sisters in Christ…to help each other along our journeys.

    There is so much to say but my thoughts are going faster than my fingers. For starters, I enjoy People magazine too. I’m very sorry you are feeling so bad, but I think this is a part of healing, though it doesn’t feel like it. I’ve dealt with bouts of depression and I know how difficult it can be to get off of the bed, not to mention showering, getting dressed and going out in public. You are to be commended for that. Seriously. It would be so easy for me (and I’m sure many others) to stay home or stay in bed and wallow in our sadness and grief if we were to be put in your situation.

    Please do not hesitate to share ALL of your hurts, disappointments, and even the smallest of joys. Your “audience” is here by choice and we are here with the love of the Lord and in support of you and your family.

    Your latest blog shows that you are very human too. You are a very “real” person with very “real” feelings and you just put it all out there for us. I think that’s why I feel so connected…well, that and the fact that I truly feel God in your messages.

    Blessings to you all from southern IN.

  • Jack Hager

    I almost feel guilty that your husband and the rest of Selah is coming to our neck of the woods this week…I’ll be praying for him as well as for you and the rest of the family…
    Transparent…genuine….real.
    Those are words I think of as I read your heart-transferred-into-type.
    Of course the overwhelming word is “hurting,” but that is couched in “comforted by the Comforter.”

  • Jessica Miller Kelley

    I’m a fan of Jessica Turner’s blog (she’s my scrapbooking guru) and learned of your story that way. I pray for you and Audrey often, and know you will continue to see God’s hands at work throughout this trial. Blessings to your family.

  • husteadfam

    Angie:

    I am a fried of Dan & JJ’s and they told me of your blog. You are in my prayer DAILY. I can’t say that I know what you are going through, but I pray that if I did have to go through it I would have as much faith and trust in the Lord as you do. You seem so strong for your family, friends, and even everyone who reads your blog. Never forget that even Jesus wept. Don’t ever feel bad about breaking down. God continues to carry you through this time, hold on tight to Him. He won’t let you go.

  • Cherilyn

    I do know you!

    I love you, and I love all you do. And, thanks to your willingness to share electronically, I know you better than before.

    See you soon!

  • THE BOONE’S

    I pray for all the ministering angels, God would send, for you right now!!!! I wish that the world would stop spinning while you are in so much pain. I know that sounds selfish but, I want everyone in the world to give you a hug and hold your hand while you laugh and cry, because you are important, your family is important.
    All the people who visit your blog and pray for your family daily, we all care, please don’t feel so alone the next time Todd has to go away to minister.
    I feel kinda silly trying to express my heartfelt sympathy over the internet. I am trying not to sound like someone you have to be afraid of :) Ha Ha
    I just, really care. I have cried in the middle of the night behind closed doors….and all the while I just kept thinking “how can I hurt THIS bad, and feel so alone” I hate to know that anyone has to feel anything even remotely as bad, let alone feel the incredible pain that you are going through and that is exactly what this is for you and it’s okay if you are feeling broken, you don’t have to pretend for anyone that you are walking on a spiritual cloud through the whole thing. God knows how much you trust Him and love Him HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
    sending all the BIG HUGS you need and prayers to move mountains for you today. all my heart, Robin

  • Jill

    Angie ~

    I was at your husband’s concert in Springfield and he told a little of your story. I had to wait and talk to him afterward. A friend of mine went through something very similar, but didn’t have Christian doctors at first. They were advised to abort and chose not to. He is a pastor and has since written a book of their little David’s story. David lived 21 hours. The book is called “Genuine Faith and a Test of Love”. I told your husband about the book after the concert and I (or the author) will be sending the book to you guys. Your husband told me about the blog and I’ve sat and read and prayed for you all. May God give you the strength to continue on and when you don’t have that strenth, may He pick you up and carry you.

    In Christ,

    Jill Young
    Wheelersburg, OH

  • Michelle from TX

    Angie,
    I’m a pastor’s wife in TX, and you don’t know me from Adam. However, over the years, Selah’s music has ministered deeply to me in times of heartache and grief. I have been so moved and burdened for you since I heard about Audrey.

    Please know that I have been praying for you continually, and the ladies of our church are binding together for you, Todd, and your sweet babies. It can be so hard to keep a happy “strong” face when you are crumpling and dying inside, especially in front of those you love the most.

    I know there’s nothing I can do for you right now except pray for you, and tell you I wish I could come wrap my arms around you and let you cry. The only one who truly understands the depth of your pain is the Master, and I pray that you will be able to lay your head on His chest, close your eyes, and let Him hold you during your darkest hours.

    I’m sending much love your way, and please know that you are constantly prayed for and thought of.

  • Anonymous

    Angie. You are so loved and we are knowing that God is wrapping those infinite wings, like a blanket around you, Todd, and all your children. You are a wonderful mommy and as you love your children, I am reminded that God, the Father loves you the same. You have been strong, but there is no shame when we have our moments, and I am honored that you share all these sides to you. May you rest in his love today, may you feel the sun on your face and feel his warmth and closeness, and may you know you have a friend in me whenever I can be of service. You are no burden, and please know I am just a walk away..you knock or call anytime you want. Much love and prayers sent your way.
    Here is a hymn I wanted to send your way for both you and Audrey.

    In heavenly Love abiding
    No change my heart shall fear;
    And safe is such confiding,
    For nothing changes here.
    The storm may roar without me,
    My heart may low be laid;
    But God is round about me,
    And can I be dismayed?
    Wherever He may guide me,
    No want shall turn me back;
    My shepherd is beside me,
    And nothing can I lack.
    His wisdom ever waketh,
    His sight is never dim;
    He knows the way He taketh,
    And i will walk with him.
    Green pastures are before me,
    Which yet I have not seen;
    Bright skies will soon be o’er me,,
    Where dark clouds have been.
    My hope I cannot measure,
    My path in life is free;
    My Father has my treasure,
    And He will walk with me.

    Hymn 148

    Love to you,
    C. Robinson

  • Anonymous

    angie,
    i have been reading your blog for a couple of weeks now and am moved by your words…i have never been through what you and todd are facing right now but i know that God can see you through this..i weep, i pray, and i cry out to God that he will hold you and put his hand on your tummy and touch little Audrey and heal her because he is able…
    love your sister in Christ,
    Jeniffer Chancey
    Arkansas

  • Anonymous

    I’ll be selling product at Selah’s concert on Thursday – I’ve really been looking forward to the concert, but now I’ll be thinking of you and the girls at home. And since I can’t do anything about that, I’ll remember to pray for you! Thanks for lending us your husband even when you really need his strength at home. Thanks for your honesty – it helps me remember to pray for you and also opens my eyes to the unseen things causing pain to others around me. May the Lord give you a special blessing this week.

  • Kristy

    Hi – I’m another one that you don’t know face-to-face. I was directed to your blog from Jack Hager, an idividual who has made a huge impact in my own life. Since coming to your site 2 weeks ago, I’ve been drawn back to it nearly daily. I can’t explain why – perhaps simply because through your candid writing, I sense God’s presence – and it’s a sweet place to retreat each day.

    I used to think that Christians had to have it altogether – and that if we didn’t we were doing something wrong. When my world fell apart a good friend of mine just sat down with me, held me, and finally looked me in the eye and said – “It’s OK to not be OK. Let God sit with you in the ashes a while.” And I did – and some days I still do. I so resonated with what you wrote about bearing a thorn – and how you wish God could have picked someone else. I learned through the pain though what God meant int the Psalms when he said that He draws near to the brokenhearted – that is so true.
    I pray everyday that you feel Him rocking you and comforting you as only He can.

    In Christ’s Love,
    Kristy

  • Anonymous

    Mrs. Smith,

    This past Saturday I had the privelage of having POG and SELAH here in Springfield Ohio for The Salvation Army. I shared with Todd that because of what you are going through we had decided to have a prayer room for those who were coming to the concert hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally or knew of someone that was and needed prayer anytime through the evening that we would have prayer partners to be there for them. I would like to share with you that because of your story this happened and because God is working through this there was 1 person who turned their life to Christ in that room.
    You never know what the power of God will do in the mist of a storm. He is always working through our life and in most cases it happens when we don’t realize it.

    My wife and I have 3 year old twins and 2 older girls, whom Todd met, you have a wonderful family and a husband who loves you completely and a God who will never ever leave you.

    Because of your testimony one more person may be there in heaven with Audrey. However, God is still the GREAT physician. He is still in the business of healing. Always be faithful in everything you do. God will be glorified in this.

    God Bless,

  • Leslie Stefan

    My Dearest Sister,

    You have moved my heart beyond words and have made me hit my knees at the overwhelming weight of what you carry… I want to thank you for the honor of helping carry some of the weight of your desire to God… and I do…
    I don’t know you, but our incredible faithful God does, and I leave you in the comfort of His lap in my prayers, as I can’t hold you myself, but would snatch you up in a second if I could meet you! My love to you as a mother of two, and an aunt who has watched something similar happen with my brother-in-law and wife.
    I’d love to be added to your recipients for your blog, so I can know how to continue to pray.

    All My Love In the Father,
    Leslie Stefan

  • singingmommy

    May you be overwhelmed by the greatness and goodness of the Lord during these days. A song that always seems to leave me feeling like I’m sittign right in Jesus’ lap is “Jesus I am Resting, Resting.” I am so thankful to have been allowed to stumble into your world this evening and to read your eloquent words. Praying for you and for your family…

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Kim & John

    Sweet Angie, precious child of God,
    I have journeyed with you by way of your words from your first post. I am Daeon’s Mommee and she has talked about you and your family with me for a long time – especially about the special bond you and Audra share. Through her stories and now yours I do know you in my heart as a wonderful child of His; wife, Mommy and friend. Your unbridled honesty in what you share in this space is pure evidence of the deep relationship you share with our Father.
    So many scripture verses scroll through my mind as I read your words; as I lift each one of you up to our Lord; as I am reminded of times in my own journey when only God and His amazing grace saw me through.
    You did not acquire those very albums by coincidence – they were waiting there for YOU.
    You, Todd and the girls all know God so well and that relationship will carry each one of you and provide the support you can find in no other place.
    There are people all across the globe being touched and reached and changed because of your obedience to God in sharing Audrey with all. Likewise there are prayers being lifted up to Him with your names on them in places you may never know – HE KNOWS!
    I’ve thought of writing to you since your first post and still mere words feel so inadequate. Still I know within me the power of words in our lives, and so much more when those words are uttered in prayer.
    I see you and your family as the miracle in many lives as you so unselfishly share this. Faith is an awesome trait with untold value and yours is shining God’s love so brightly that it is illuminating lives around the world!
    Walking before Him; praying without ceasing; always believing.

  • Alice

    Thank you for your writing. We don’t know each other, but I’ve been praying for you each day. In my darkest hours and through my tears, God has often brought the words to the hymn “How Firm A Foundation” to my heart. While I was reading your post, I kept thinking of the third verse:

    “When through the deep water
    I call you to go–
    the rivers of sorrow will not overflow
    For I will be with you,
    your trouble to bless,
    and sanctify to you your deepest distress.”

    Please know that even though we may never meet this side of heaven, there are many of us who are surrounding you with love and tears and fervent prayers to our Heavenly Father for you and Todd and your beautiful girls and precious, dear Audrey.

  • karen44

    Angie, I’m so glad you’ve put your heart into this last post. I was wondering what was happening with you all, and I’ve been concerned for you. I find it so sweet that you include Audrey so fully in your family. That takes such incredible courage — to include her and not ignore her, hoping that the pain will just go away if you don’t think about it.

    I continue to lift you all up in prayer, and I thank God that you have not turned from Him in this season of pain.
    -karen

  • Jenny

    Being vulnerable is not easy. Angie, I admire you and your transparency. I am so thankful for you!!

  • Anonymous

    I love you Angie!

    Tammy

  • Ronna

    Angie,
    I, as many others, found your blog via the Selah website, which I was visiting today after attending the concert in Ft. Wayne, IN on Friday nite. I left the concert crying after Todd asked us to close our eyes and sing the final chorus of How Great Thou Art, and then opening my eyes to find an empty stage, leaving God to get all the glory. Thank you for sharing him with us in a time when you don’t want to be alone.

    I have spent the day reading your words and sharing your incredible story with others. Praise God for your decision and His strength to show the world just how precious life is. I pray for God’s blessings on your family. I pray for His continued strength for all of you as you walk the next few months.

    Hold her, Jesus, cause she’s shakin like a leaf.

    Sisters in Christ,
    Ronna Stevens
    Ft. Wayne, IN

  • LInda

    I have been sharing your story with my 16 year old daughter – your witness has touched her more than you will ever know. I look at her & I think of how much she & I share now that she is getting older & how much she and her brother bless my life every day. I read your blog today & I can see you sitting with your cup – taking everything in – and I wish that I could be sitting beside you giving you an encouraging word or thought – even though we are strangers but sisters in the only way that matters – in His name. You have called this blog – Bring the Rain – one of my favorite songs – but this day I am thinking of a different song – Praise You in This Storm – I know you know this song – but I wanted to give you the lyrics as my last thought. His peace be with you – Linda

    I was sure by now
    God, You would have reached down
    And wiped our tears away
    Stepped in and saved the day
    But once again, I say “Amen”, and it’s still raining

    As the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain “I’m with You”
    And as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away

    I’ll praise You in this storm
    And I will lift my hands
    For You are who You are
    No matter where I am
    Every tear I’ve cried
    You hold in Your hand
    You never left my side
    And though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

    I remember when
    I stumbled in the wind
    You heard my cry
    You raised me up again
    My strength is almost gone
    How can I carry on
    If I can’t find You

    As the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain “I’m with You”
    And as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away

    I lift my eyes unto the hills
    Where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord
    The Maker of Heaven and Earth

    Though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

  • Anonymous

    My friend Crystal, your neighbor, recommended your blog to me and it has been truly inspiring. That may not be much comfort I realize, but hopefully it is a small token of consolation.

    Although I haven’t experienced anything remarkably similar, I miscarried in my first and only pregnancy (soon after the miscarriage, I learned the most disheartening news of infidelity by my husband, so am faced with no further chances of procreation in my immediate future.) The pain of losing a child, no matter how “undeveloped” is heartbreaking. It is overwhelmingly heartening to read your words of belief in God’s higher plan and I am forever grateful to you and the story you continue to share. God bless you and your little angel Audrey.

  • Lori Anne

    Angie,
    I’m reading your blog because I was checking the Selah website to see if they have any new music (I only listen to Selah, being very picky about not only lyrics, but sound as well). I have been so uplifted by their music.

    I remember clearly when my best friend died in an accident 6 years ago; I found out about it late at night and when I finally went to bed for the night I just couldn’t stop crying. My husband, who was going to sleep in the next room, came in and crawled in beside. When I told him he should sleep in the other room so he could actually get some sleep — he said to me “I can’t leave you alone in here while I hear you crying.” Angie, I believe that is exactly what our Father in heaven says to us when we are hurting. We still hurt, but He can’t, and wouldn’t, leave us to weep alone. I pray you and your family will be overwhelmed by His presence and comfort.

    Lori

  • staciekinlaw

    This is my first visit to your blog and I am in AWE of the GREAT work of GOD in your lives. The photo albums are lovely an a true testament to GODS GREATER PLAN. The testament that rings true in your thoughts and stories is that JESUS IS THE SAME TODAY, YESTERDAY, AND FOREVER (hebrews 13:8) — I too keep hearing these words lately and after reading your story – I am so VERY GREATFUL that the LORD we serve is the SAME that Noah and Ruth and Mary and Peter and Paul , etc. served…I praise GOD right now for the miracle of AUDREY and for her beautiful sisters! God Bless ! (and I am going to keep reading – only half way there…)

  • Honea Household

    I have just met your through the blogging world, but I feel like you are one of my best friends. I just wish I could give you a hug and let you cry on my shoulder through the pain you are going through.

    The albums are beautiful. And Audrey Caroline’s album is perfect with angel wings.

    I am praying for you.

  • Anonymous

    Some people would read your blog & say “Wow, what a coincidence”. But when I read your log I knew that God had put that photo album there just for you. Isn’t it amazing that HE gives us what we need & when we need it. I give him credit for the little things as well as the big things. The album is beautiful & Audrey’s pictures will be a treasure in her very own book. Praying for you & sending love & hugs to each of you. Rose in Nashville

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    I have just recently started reading your blog and I don’t know how to explain to you how it made me feel for you to admit to your “humanness” because I can tell by just reading this blog what an amazing woman of God that you are, but yet you are still aware of your imperfections. I have struggled with this recently, using it as an excuse to keep putting my faith on the back burner because I don’t want to be a judgmental Christian, and therefore almost feel like I shouldn’t be at all. Your strength through your struggle is simply amazing.

  • Amber Q

    I just started reading your blog. I was sent the link by someone I barely know from myspace…and am so thankful for it. While my baby Eden sleeps in the other room, I was feeling depressed and sorry for myself over numerous things. You have helped me refocus, and now since it is late, I am going to go kiss my baby goodnight and Thank God that he brought her to me safe and sound and that I am able to hold her. I also have to say that “Bring The Rain” is a very appropriate name for your blog. It seems that when it rains, it pours…but I have caught myself standing in the rain and praying numerous times in order to heal my heart, and came in feeling cleansed and whole.

  • Branna

    Our God is most definitely an awesome God! You and your family are in my prayers. A friend-sister sent me a link to your blog and said “it will change your life” – not so much a change has occurred, as a confirmation. It’s amazing how we all his children and how we have to be told over and over again to get the message – kind of like the children we are raising.
    Continuously praying as sisters in Christ.

  • The Beaver Bunch

    A friend led me to your blog. I have started at the beginning, careful not to read ahead, so that I could experience the journey with you. I too, have 3 precious little people in my home, and 2 of them are twins as well. As I read this post, I purposefully didn’t scroll down to see the pictures of the albums. Instead, I read the post, then slowly scrolled down to see Audrey’s album. It literally took my breath away, and cause tears to flood my cheeks. Although I know that these parts of your journey are in the past, please know that I am sincerely praying for you today. I pray for His peace, the only peace that heals.

  • Kathi

    Angie, I want you to know that I am praying for you right now. I heard about you and Todd just before Audrey was born. I have been praying for you ever since. The first time I looked at your blog was when you had posted your letter to her.

    Anyway, I have spent the past couple of days reading all of your blog. You are an incredible witness to the love of Jesus. You honesty and humility and hope and hurt are all so real.

    As you move forward, know that you are both loved and prayed for.

    I had to let you know that I laughed when you described yourself…just last week I had some tests done. (The results were good, praise God.) Since I had some time before my kids would be home, I went to the bookstore to get a coffee. I purchased two things…..Dallas Willard’s ‘The Devine Conspiracy’ and People Magazine. :) The cashier had a funny look on her face as she rang them up…but to each his own. (I carry a Coach purse too….AND I also know that God is real and He loves each of us.)

    Thank you for sharing your journey. May God continue to lift you up and carry you.

  • Alicia King

    Your pictures of your babies are so cute in those albums, when I scrolled down to the last one I just stared and started to cry, a little baby with wings, your sweet little Angel, my heart truly goes out to you…I will pray for you. I stumbled across your blog and started from the beginning, I am still reading, but those pictures just really got to me…and so I had to stop and comment.

  • screamofcontinuousness

    God loves you Angie. Oh how he loves you. I’m working my way through your posts in chronological order, so I have no idea what is happening with you currently, but I just needed to let you know that: He loves you so much. and He is so proud of you.

  • Anonymous

    Wow, How amazing is God? The photo albums show how He works.

  • beccaroosma@yahoo.com

    I didn’t notice the wings right away, when I did, I just started crying.
    When I was 7 1/2 months pregnant I went to the doctor because my baby wasn’t moving much and the doctor said there was no heartbeat. I delivered Caleb on Sept. 14th 2007. He was perfect and adorable, but the umbilical cord was longer than normal and got tangled.
    Someone gave me your blog and I’ve been reading through it. I can identify so much with this post. Walking around with this hurt and pain and not wanting to tell anyone, but also wanting to say, “don’t you know what I’m going through how much it hurts?”
    I want to share a quote from a book I am reading…
    ” Children do not belong to us. For a brief time, they are on loan to us from God, and we act as stewards and caretakers of them.” (Serve God save the planet, J.M. Sleeth)
    I just loved this quote because it reminded me not to be mad at God for taking away something that wasn’t even mine to begin with. Caleb was God’s child put into our care for us to love for a brief time.

  • Jaime

    Angie,

    All I can say is that I am choking back tears. Being a mother has truly made my life amazing, and I honestly cannot imagine the strength that it must take to be able to go through the things that you have. My heart goes out to you in so many ways.

  • Chelsa

    i happened to run across your blog… and started reading…

    on the day you posted this blog (feb. 15) i remember how i was feeling on that day too… many of the same emotions that you typed on this post, i was feeling at the exact same time. that is the day after i found out i was having a miscarriage… a miscarriage of a child we had been trying for for almost one year. my heart was breaking, and i didn’t know how to tell our precious 3 yr. old that the little brother or sister he wanted so badly, wasn’t going to ever come live w/ us, that he/she was going to go live in heaven w jesus. honestly, i think he understood more than i did at the time. my heart still breaks… as i near what would of been “milestones” in my pregnancy i ache for the loss.

    i can only imagine the hurt you have had… i will be praying for you. thanks for sharing your story.

  • Indy-Lindy

    My sister told me about your blog and I am just reading through from the beginning. I had to gasp, too, when I saw the picture of Audrey’s album. WOW. God is so amazing and thank you, thank you for being so REAL. I am so, so sorry for the pain you have gone through.. I’m praying for you today ~

    in faith,
    Linda

  • Amy

    God is amazing. He stows up all the time. The photo albums are beautiful. I haven’t stopped thinking about your family since I began reading your blog about a month ago. I still pray for you.

  • Sal

    Thank you for being so honest about everything. I am slowly reading Audrey’s story today (I got this far into the story before commenting), and I am growing to really like you as I am learning about your experiences and faith journey.

    The transparency holds incredible potential for the Holy Spirit to use this continuing testimony to touch hearts. It takes courage to be transparent. Thank you for dividing the courage you muster just to continue on daily in this challenge, with us, to share Audrey’s story. May God continue to use every drop of rain in your life to intensify your GREEN!

  • Tara

    Angie,
    I am so thankful for you! I feel like a wierdo..but we could totally be best friends. You are a dear and sweet soul. Your blog has changed me forever. I’m in full time ministry with my husband of 12 years and we have been blessed with 4 amazing children…Luke is 8, Seth is 6, we have a sweet baby already living with Jesus and a daughter from China, Lydia Grace who is now 19 months old. My husband travels often with students on mission trips and my part of the ministry right now is to hold the fort down and love these babies with joy while he is gone. I appreciated your post so much on this day…you are so real and raw and authentic. Thank you for reminding me that you don’t walk door to door with your bible in hand ready to make every situation a spititual one. Thank you for saying that you struggle when your husband is gone making such a difference while you are at home. Thank you for saying that you sit in starbucks and sip a drink while listening to a conversation between people who really don’t have a clue. Thank you for saying that even though you know that Jesus is enough for you and even though you love and adore him and want to be abandoned to him no matter what “rain” he brings, that you wish you could pass this cup by. I wish you could have passed this cup by, too. I will continue to pray that God will protect you and keep you and Todd close to his heart and that you would continue to cling to his word which brings freedom and sets us free from anything the enemy would have for us. I pray peace for your mind tonight.

  • Sue

    I just found your blog and am in the process of reading through it. Just wanted to let you know that the talented artist of the 1rst two albums is Bessie Pease Guttman.
    I have collected her works for years. Her pictures are primarily of beautiful children and I have heard they were children she actually knew.

    Sue

  • Rebecca

    I know that I am 7 months behind on this post, but Thank you. Thank you for sharing your story. God has use, is using, and will use your words to hurt those that read them in this hurting world. Thank you for your transparency and for being real. Our God is truly the ‘Good Shephard”

  • Jennifer

    I am reading your story for the very first time and my heart is aching for you…until I get to this blog, I have felt so sad but then I this album and realized how God so perfectly gave you in that moment a sense oh his perfect control. How awesome that he knows what we need at every given moment to get through every given moment! Continue to read through your journey and praying all the way….

  • The Osbourn’s

    Angie,
    I just needed to send you a comment. I just started reading your blog a few days ago and I am now just on Feb 08. I just want to thank you for sharing Audrey with us, your hurt, your faith, and you. I was just thinking how much I wish I had found your blog sooner. I too lost my little girl. We named her Caelyn Nicolette. I just started a blogspot for her and her sister… http://www.caelynbellanicolette.blogspot.com. I don’t know what I want out of it, but healing. I also want others to be touched by them, like I was. Caelyn was still born 6-27-07 and Bella and miscarried 9-23-08. I read your blog and relate so much to your journey. Its so so hard. Its still very hard!! I have so much more to say, but for now I will go and continue to read your blog. I hope to catch up someday. If you do get a chance to view my blog, let me know. It will bless me to know someone has an interest. With love, Chelsea

  • chasingjoy

    Wow! I’ve been reading for a couple of days. My husband sent me links to your blog. I’m going to have much more to say later but for now I just wanted to say “Wow” about the albums. I’m scared to keep reading but your awesome faith keeps me going. You are a very special woman.

  • Amanda

    Angie,

    I’ve started at the beginning of your story tonight as I want to know it all. Your strength and faith are truly amazing and inspiring. Inspite of all that you were dealing with at the beginning of the year, you managed to look beyond it all and see God’s hand at every turn. Having your mother in law in town for the ultrasound, the doctor on rotation when you were admitted, the third photo album- simple little things that could easily be considered concidences, but you recogonized that it was His way of showing you that He still was watching over you. Your openess and honesty about your true feelings and your frank talks with God are humbling. You have an amazing gift with words. Thank you for starting this blog and sharing your faith in this journey.