Blossom

Good news…I’m not spam!!! I cannot believe how many of you wrote to me to tell me that you wanted me to know you were still praying for me. I have needed and appreciated those words more than you will ever know during the past days. There is much too much to fit here…I feel like I am walking around in a dream most of the time. The last 2 weeks have been some of the hardest I have ever experienced. I am still sifting the moments, the memories, and the loss. Trying to figure out where it all goes in my life, and how in the world I am supposed to watch my kids play at the park and not just blurt out, “I just lost my daughter” to all the other mommies. What is this new life I have been given? In time, I know it will begin to make sense. We will learn what to say when people ask how many children we have. We will learn to fall asleep on a dry pillow. We will remember how to love fully, without fear of losing the one thing we can’t stand to lose. We will.

But not today.

Today I am broken. I feel like I am in the midst of intense spiritual warfare. The Blogger people unfroze me yesterday, and I sat down to write after the kids were in bed. I stared at the screen for about an hour, just crying and trying to stretch my fingers across the letters to form something that would tell you what I am feeling. I finally closed my computer and went to sleep, only to toss and turn for most of the night. When I did sleep, it was filled with images of Audrey, but they always unfolded differently. In one, I was screaming at the sky while people all around me told me that I wasn’t loud enough. They kept telling me that if I screamed at the top of my lungs, God would let me have her back. He would drop her from the sky. And so, in my dream, I stood with my arms outstretched to the heavens, believing. Then I remember crumpling up on the ground in tears, knowing that I wasn’t enough. I couldn’t do what I needed to do to save her. I woke up in the throes of helplessness, my bed soaked with sweat.

In another dream, I was away from home and had a feeling that something was wrong with her. I called Todd to check in and he told me that she had died, and that we had both missed her memorial service. I would wake up every few minutes, sometimes grabbing at my stomach to see if she was still there, or if any of it was true. Of course, on every occasion, I eventually remembered.

I feel like I am constantly releasing her, reminding myself that it is really happening. She is gone.

What I have in that moment is the blanket that she was wrapped in for most of her life.

What I have are the pictures of her sweet face.

What I have is a beautiful necklace that a stranger sent to me with all of my daughters’ initials on it.

What I have is a scar, five inches long, which tells me that she lived here not so long ago.

What I do not have is my daughter. And that loss is deeper than anything I could put on paper. It is concrete, definitive, gaping. It is my new life.

Shortly after Audrey was born, some of my close friends came to my house and told me they had a surprise for us. About half an hour later, there was a cherry blossom tree planted in our front yard in place of a maple that had never lived. To see those little pink flowers in the place where we had become accustomed to seeing dead branches was profound for me. Several times a day I walk by my dining room windows and smile at the blossoms because they remind me of my past, and they urge me to believe that new life has begun. The soil is rich in longing, needy for purpose, and prepared to be the giver of life. The friends that brought me that tree could not have known the full extent of how meaningful it was to me.

The official name of the tree is the “Yoshino Cherry.” I have always (unbeknownst to them) loved Japanese cherry trees. Growing up, I spent about four years in Kobe, Japan, and some of my fondest memories drift back to me in the form of pink petals floating on the breeze, beckoning hard-working men and women out of their offices. The cherry blossom season is so short (only a few days!), that last year, the government issued a national apology when they miscalculated the dates. I remember the way my sister and I jumped up and down as the petals fell like snow around us, and thousands of people gathered all around to just experience the beauty. This is one of the descriptions that I found online:

“The Japanese Cherry starts flowering profusely from the first warmer days in April, heralding the coming of spring.

The intense beauty and short survival span have associated Cherry Blossoms with spiritual and philosophical ideas such as the beauty and fragility of human life.”

I read these words and I just fell apart. It’s okay. I needed to fall apart. I pictured the God of the universe watching two little girls dance under the falling blossoms, in a country so far from home…innocence in motion…and years later watching my dear friends plant life in a season of loss. Once again I was reminded that none of this is a surprise to Him.

I went to a tourist site to track the Cherry Blossom festivals for this year, and I clicked on “Kobe.” This is the place where so many of my childhood memories come from…so much joy. I watched the dates come up and the tears just started falling. April 7th, 2008…one of the peak bloom days.

A one week time span, and there she was.

Tonight, my knees will bow to the God that gave her to me…and the God who took her from me. The God who loves to bloom where death reigned. We welcome you, Lord. Come and make it beautiful again.

Sweet Audrey-blossom. You captured us all.


My dad and some business associates
Me and my sister

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  • shawn

    Absolutely beautiful and profound. I continue to pray for you. I hope that you are healing physically. Audrey’s story is amazing and incredible and so special. A tiny little infant, with a ministry all her own!

  • Cory from Michigan

    Angie,
    What a BEAUTIFUL post! I have continuously checked back to see if we had any updates from you. It is amazing to me how God works, even in ways we don’t understand, and when we least suspect it. I prayed for peace for you today, and in the coming weeks. You(and Audrey) have ministered to my soul in ways you will never know! Thank you, and blessed be the name of the Lord!

    In Christ,
    Cory from Michigan

  • Anonymous

    I have waited for your next comment to read the words to my heart. Your story in remarkable to me because I know that God will give us as much as we can handle in our christain life. Even I wondered in my lifetime why God does what he does then I remember that our Lord teaches us everyday. My oldest daughter brought your story blog to my attention and I cried just like everyone else. I believe that your story should be shared through a book to everyone who reads the story of your family’s loves for a child, sister, and daughter. Please that on this endeavor with the love that you and your husband shared with everyone else. This is important for me to share at this time to you. Even if you just jot down your feelings from day to day this will work so you don’t lose the thoughts that you have acquired.

    Take care,
    Always,
    Jean Manning
    Rockdale, Texas

  • Michelle

    Another lovely post that brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your sweet Audrey with us. Your courage and strength are so inspiring. You are a gifted writer, and I agree with the previous comment…I think, when the time is right for you, that Audrey’s story could be told in a book. She has changed my world, for sure.

    Be well, take care of yourself, hold your girls tight, and know that many, many strangers around the world are remembering your family in their prayers.

  • Sarah

    Angie,
    You are forever in my prayers. Your story reminds me daily to be thankful for life and all that God has given to me.
    I hope that your heart will heal and God will give you extra strength to make it through each day. You are an amazing mother of four very beautiful little girls.

    Sarah from California

  • Liz

    I’m so glad you’re back! Isn’t it amazing how God orchestrates even those small details to comfort us & show us He is here with us every step of the way? His faithfulness amazes me every day.

  • KELLY

    That is so beautiful. I continue to pray for all of you each day from southern Oregon!

  • Jenn

    Sometimes when I read your posts I feel like I am the one who lost this beautiful litte girl. I know what I am feeling for you isnt even a fraction of a fraction of the pain you are feeling. I will pray that God comforts you and makes you sleep peacful. Sleep sweet Angie!

  • gwsas4

    Angie, your faith is inspiring to me. Your absolute trust in God is beautiful. Thank you for writing and sharing your heart. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers. What is amazing to me is how much I wonder how you guys are and I don’t even know you.
    Still praying for you,
    Stephanie Snyder

  • Lynn

    I hate to tell you this but the question of how many kids do you have still haunt a lot of us who’ve lost children. I don’t think there’s ever going to be an easy answer to that question. You’re on a roller coaster ride called grief. In time you’ll get better and then you’ll hear something or see something and you’ll feel yourself falling back down. It does level off with time, but there will always be times when it hits. I just went through the 13th anniversary of my son dying to miscarriage and in a way it just as hard as when I lost him. I keep clinging to the fact he’s in my Savior’s arms.
    Oh how I’m praying for you!!!!!!!!!!

    Isaiah 26:3-4 Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee. Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:

  • ScrappyB

    Oh Sweet Angie my heart just breaks for you. I lost my baby Levi 3 years ago and your post makes me remember how I was feeling the weeks after he passed. I book that comforted me was “Grieving the Child I Never Knew”. Please know that I am praying for you and contact me if you want to talk to someone that has been there.
    Love In Christ,
    Brenda
    scrappy@mac008.com

  • nicholei

    Angie- I just want to thank you for your transparency on this blog. The Lord is using you in a mighty way, not just because of this tragedy but because of the way you continue to yield to Him. I pray that the Lord continues to be with you in times of mourning and in times of joy. You are not forgotten.

  • Lori

    I am sure that you have read a million comments…and that they have all blended together, but something in this journey has touched me so intensely that I too needed to put them into words. That you, as a mother, would share something so painful that many would hide away from the world has been a blessing to everyone that has read your words. But you have used it to share God’s love and mercy. I pray continually for you and your family, I also thank God that He brought your story to me and drew me even closer to Him.

  • evonne

    I found your blog tonight and I wanted to let you know how touched I am. The time that you and your family had with Audrey while she was on this Earth is a blessing and her spirit and memory will continue to be.

  • Annie

    Your words are beautiful. You always have a way of bringing tears to my eyes, and I don’t even know you. Thank you for sharing your heart even though I know it’s difficult to even think about, let alone put into words. I hope writing it out helps with the grieving and healing process. I know it has helped me in my situation. I feel love for you as a sister in Christ and I want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Annie

  • Debra

    I remember those tears on my pillow every night. That was when I felt that loss most profoundly.

    Thinking and praying for all of you.

  • Jen

    Amazing. God is definately the Master Waever… so many seemingly insignificant things on their own, but together create a masterpiece. You have been on my heart so heavily the two weeks. I have beseeched our Lord for you. I shall continue to do so from my little corner of Australia.

  • butterflyaway81

    So beautiful, so true, and so perfectly fitting. I am so glad you are back to your blog again. I will continue praying for you.

    Love,
    Amanda

  • sarahjean

    Dear Angie,
    I’ve been constantly checking your blog to see if there are any updates.. Honestly, everytime you post, something in it encourages me.. I’m only 19 so I couldn’t possibly imagine what you’re going through.. But I pray that even in this hard time, God will take you to loftier heights in your relationship with Him.. Do take care..

    Regards,
    Sarah Jean (Malaysia)

  • Bridget =)

    Angie, I am SO glad you are back. =)

    This weekend, we planted trees too, and as I dug thru the soil, sometimes rich and loamy, sometimes like concrete and rocky, I often thought about your family.

    We too, planted a cherry tree (but not a Yoshino – a Kwanzan), what a coincidence! or maybe not. But now I will always look at our cherry tree and think of your sweet baby girl.

    I have a card for you, but the words are stuck – I cannot write. Hopefully one day soon…

    Big, gentle hugs.
    Bridget =)

  • Debbie

    Angie I am still praying for you and your family every night. I know only a small part of the pain that you are suffering right now. I too lost a child but I was only three months pregnant. I never got to see or hold my child but that loss ripped my heart apart. I cannot even pretend to know the heartbreak that you are enduring. I wouldn’t have gotten through that time in my life had it not been for my faith in God. I still have an empty place in my heart for the child I lost but I carry the memory of my angel close to my heart everyday. In time you will heal and you will have the memories of Audrey to hold close to your heart. We will see our children again in heaven, that much I know. The days ahead won’t be easy ones but with God holding you up, you will find the strength to continue with your life. God bless you and your precious family!

    But in the dark my heart is strangely blest;
    Yea, in the gloom my soul obtains rest;
    For, spite of night, I find that God on high
    Is near the anguished soul,where’er it lie -H. Frost

    Keeping you in my prayers Angie!

  • Anonymous

    Anige, so glad blogger got your blog fixed and that you are not spam. I prayed for that.

    Settle in to Jesus’ arms and just sit there awhile. Let Him comfort you, hold you.

    I bet the tree is just beautiful, just like your little girls.

    Praying for you.

  • Katie F

    Sweet Angie hold on to all you have now, make it part of you, a part that is so profound that you will always have a memory of Audrey each time you celebrate, mourn, rejoice and just live.

  • Wendi

    Oh Angie, I too am so glad you are back. I checked your blog so often. As with many, your vulnerability in sharing this raw pain with us has brought back so much for me. I so vividly remember the dreams..thinking that maybe I was getting him back, then waking up with that intense dissipointment.
    YOu are in my prayers so often. Thank you for sharing your heart!

  • boltefamily

    Beautiful post! So glad you are able to write again! A cherry tree is a perfect reminder of sweet Audrey. For different reasons dandelions remind me of my sweet Asher. Praying for you as we travel this road knowing God will use this for his Glory!

  • The Thomsons

    I will continue to pray for you! God has a plan–none of this was a surprise to Him. Thank you for posting again.
    Rachel in Indy

  • petrii

    Dear Sweet Angie,
    Your words are profound. How beautiful you are dear one. Our love and prayers are with you.

    In Christ Alone,
    Dawn

  • Anonymous

    Yes, Audrey is a blossom God designed to bring Him glory on this earth and forever in His presence! She is dancing with delight in heaven, having fulfilled her time below and released to enter into the joy of her Creator and Lord.
    Every time her tree blossoms over the years, her memory will grow sweeter and sweeter. God has brought each of us closer to Himself through Audrey’s life and your willingness to put into words the agony and ecstasy of it! Thank you, Angie. Thank you God!

  • Nicki

    Bless your sweet heart Angie……I’m so sorry you are having to go through this deep pain. I cannot imagine. I have thought of you and prayed for you often over the last few days and I will continue to. Your words were so touching and it’s so special to be able to read all that you are experiencing. It helps us, those that have not gone through this, to understand it more. My sister in law lost her twins at birth and through you I’ve been able to understand more of what she must have felt. Sympathy is easy, but understanding is a whole different story. Much love and prayers to you today!!!

  • Amy

    Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    I have a huge Yashino Cherry Tree in my backyard. Each spring when it blooms, I will be reminded of your sweet Audrey.

    I’m praying for you.

  • Jill

    Angie,
    Your post is beautiful! Yet most beautiful is your constant ability to be so transparent for everyone who has now come to know you through this blog. How you desperately want to show them the love of God! How you want them to know that you know that you know HE IS!
    I will never look at my cherry blossoms the same either. The soft pink petals are everywhere on my property and my 2 year old son liked them so much he thought they might be a tasty treat. Only boys!
    God is the giver of life and His creation screams of His awesome power to bring back life and to take it away…all in its season and time.
    I will continue to pray for you and cherish the memories with you. Thank You dear Father in heaven for Angie! Thank You Father for her heart made of flesh for You! Thank You that in the darkest moments you are there. Thank You that You are catching every tear, wiping back her hair and softly holding her while she weeps to sleep!
    Angie, 1000′s of miles away from you and I pray you can feel the hugs I and my family send your way daily!
    With great love in my heart and always blessed by you – Jill in PA

  • Anonymous

    Oh sweet Angie.. I continue to be amazed that through this pain, you have such a way of ministering. That you are able to still speak of the sweet things in life. And you cling to what you know to be true, and beautiful. I have come to love you..and your family. My heart aches for your loss. But I rejoice for Heavens gain!!!
    You are blessed to be a blessing!!
    Hold on to Jesus dear Angie…

  • Jody

    More tears for you and your family, Angie. Tears of sorrow and Joy. You have taken my breath away with your words and insights once again.
    In my own loss of a little girl, I too had vivid dreams and I also prayed and ‘screamed’/begged God to give her back to me more times than I can count. I lay in a heap at times- not even able to have words come from my mouth- because the pain was so real, so raw, so unending.
    Yet God slowly brought me through those times and began to show me that while He may not give her back to me, He would shower me with other things. Things that have continued to shape and transform my life and my mind.
    What I still wouldn’t give to have her back in my life and arms!! But I know that God is faithful and True and He promises goodness to those who love and follow Him. So I choose to follow.
    I know God is holding you close at this time and your ‘new life’ will unfold…it does take time, and I will pray that you can keep your ‘eyes on the prize’. Oh, what a day it will be…a day of Hope is coming.
    Thank you, again, for sharing your journey. You are a blessing in the midst of your deep hurt. Audrey is a beauty, a treasure in Heaven who continues to impact many of us- even in her death.
    All my love and care for all your family. xoxo

  • Chatty

    Oh my God, Angie.

    I began to tear up when I read that your friends had planted a Japanese cherry tree, teared up some more when I read just how short and beautiful the blossom season is, and broke out in a huge grin when I read that Audrey’s Birthday was the peak day of the festival. Of course it was.

    How very special. I pray every day that you continue to find strength through your grief, and healing.

  • Mary

    God is so wonderfully awesome. How He weaves together the details of our lives. Your story about the Cherry Blossom tree and Audrey are a testimony to your heart for Jesus and the way you listen to your Father. I will continue to pray for your family. Please know that Audrey’s story and your faith in Our Father is ministering to so many. Thank you for sharing Audrey with us!

  • Kori

    God is sovereign and so incredibly miraculous. His plans for us, for our lives are not meant for us to understand but to follow where God leads us. Your words are beautiful Angie. And I as well as my family continue to pray for you and yours.

    God Bless,
    Kori

  • The Lenda’s

    Thanking God for your sweet friends and that God knew how much you loved cherry Blossom trees and the significance of them. Thanking God for the wonderful too short day you spent seeing your beautiful Audrey. Thanking God that she is the best reminder that you have that their is newlife for all of us even when it seems we are in the darkest season of winter. May God hold you and comfort you as you miss your precious fourth daughter. May He grant you peace and wisdom as to when and how to tell strangers about your missed baby. May He grant those that you do share with the kindness and compassion and may He use her story to encourage and uplift them as well.
    Hugs and Prayers
    Rachel in PA

  • Laurie

    Praying for you so much these days as your new life begins to spring forth.
    The Lord is so good to take care of the tiniest of details including the beautiful cherry tree. He knew the memories of hope it would spark in your heart. I am so sorry that the days are so painful and I am asking Him to gently carry you and your family through. I have learned so much from you in following your story of Audrey. Big gifts come in the smallest of packages, and she is one of these gifts. In my heart, her ministry will always be tied to cherry blossoms. You have so many praying for you, and I hope that it helps in some small way as you walk this road you are now on. I will walk with you.

    Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

  • Tonya

    Angie, my heart just aches for you. I promise, you will eventually be able to think of your daughter and smile. I remember LONGING for the day that every thought of our son didn’t bring on a meltdown. We’re not “over it,” we never will be.. but we’re OKAY that GOD thought it best to take him HOME. GOD is daily restoring our JOY.

    As for your wondering how to handle the question, “How many children do you have?”…… well, after I “lost it” one night after having repeatedly told that I had 2 boys (as not to make the other people feel “weird”) I was finally given some good advice.

    See, I KNEW in my heart that I had THREE boys.. I finally broke into sobs and told the last lady that asked that I had another son… one that had recently died from cancer.

    There was another lady there that night who’d lost two babies late in her pregnancies. She said that she tells people that she has 2 on earth and 2 in Heaven. That’s quick, it’s “easy,” and you don’t feel like you’ve denied your child. If they want to know more they’ll ask.

    We’re keeping you in our prayers…

    Love you, my sister!

  • Jane-Jane

    you are in my thoughts and prayers many times a day. I’m praying for your family. I pray for Jesus’ piece and comfort for all of you today and always.

  • Mellissa

    Angie,
    I do not have the words to tell you how much I ache for you or how desparately hard I am praying for you and your family.

    In our Father’s Love,
    Peace

  • Kimmer

    You and your family are still in my thoughts and prayers.

    God is molding you into who He wants and needs you to be. Audrey is perfect and happy. She’s in the hands of our loving God. We should all be so lucky!!

  • Kate

    Oh Angie….your words continue to touch my heart and my eyes continue to fill with tears for your loss.

    Continued prayers for your healing and for the words you write. You are touching so many people with your words and I know the Lord has something special in store for you!

    Hugs,
    ~Kate

  • StressedBlessed Mom in GA

    My words are so little here, but my feelings and prayers are too much to put down in words. May you be filled with peace and feel His healing, comforting arms around you.
    Leslie in GA

  • florence

    How like God to give us what we need at exactly the right moment?! Your friends planting of all things, a cherry tree, which brings back special memories of your childhood and also carries great spiritual meaning. How amazing is it that this tree had its peak on April 7 in Kobe? WOW!!! God is so good to give you reminders of Himself and connections with Audrey. She will continue to blossom and her lifespan will have no end. Hallelujah!

    I continue to pray for you. I hope that each hour you will find victory and hope and encouragement and peace. The service was beautiful and the slide show (and song) touched me deeply.

    May Jesus continue to lift your face to His and may you gaze on His wondrous beauty.

  • The Russell’s

    Angie,
    Oh my goodness. You did it again. The way you write is so transparent to your heart and that is amazing and beautiful. Thank you for being so open about your joy and sadness. I am praying for you, Todd, and the girls during this rain-storm taking place in your lives. And I also wanted you to see the words to the Natalie Grant song “Held”. I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but I think the words are amazing.

    Held-Natalie Grant:
    Two months is too little.
    They let him go.
    They had no sudden healing.
    To think that providence would
    Take a child from his mother while she prays Is appalling.

    Who told us we’d be rescued?
    What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
    We’re asking why this happens
    To us who have died to live?
    It’s unfair.

    Chorus:
    This is what it means to be held.
    How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive.
    This is what it is to be loved.
    And to know that the promise was
    When everything fell we’d be held.

    This hand is bitterness.
    We want to taste it, let the hatred NUMB our sorrow.
    The wise hands opens slowly to lilies of the valley and tomorrow.

    (Chorus)
    This is what it means to be held.
    How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive.
    This is what it is to be loved.
    And to know that the promise was
    When everything fell we’d be held.

    Bridge:
    If hope is born of suffering.
    If this is only the beginning.
    Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?

    (Chorus)
    this is what it means to be held.
    How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
    And you survive.
    This is what it is to be loved.
    And to know that the promise was
    When everything fell we’d be held.

    Again thank you for letting God use you and your family. And know that you are touching and witnessing to thousands who don’t know the Father…Thank you!!

    God is Good,
    Nikki

  • The Carrs,

    When I first came across your blog my throat choked with tears. Having lost a babe of our own the immense pain that comes back immediately after reading your entry is indescribable. That was almost 3 years ago now, yet at times it seems like just yesterday. If it were not for a close walk with God I don’t know how we could have made it through. All praise belongs to Him and because of our little Taylor Logan, many have been touched. Just as your sweet Audrey. Praise the Lord He can use the “rains of life” to heal, help and show Himself even greater! Keep drawing closer to Him and relying on Him to grow you through this time.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    You are so blessed with words. I wish I had the ability to put my feelings into words as you do. What an amazing post. I love seeing God’s work being noticed. That tree you loved so much in Japan was such a small puzzle piece to what has become the greater picture of your life now. In that same way I know Audrey’s life here on earth and your sharing of your journey with all of us will have such a huge wonderful ripple effect. Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your faithfulness to God. I can not express enough how this makes me feel or what kind of impact this has on what kind of person I want to be. Take good care. You and your family are always in my prayers.

    Jenny F.

  • Anonymous

    As I sit here eyes full of tears I repent for being so caught up in the things of life that I havent enjoyed the blessing as I should. I think of you and your family daily, praying for Gods peace and understanding.

  • Amy

    I am touched beyond words. Your thoughts and dreams are similar to many mothers’ that I have talked to that have lost babies – and much the same as mine were and still sometimes are (even 4 years later). While I know that they are yours – they are personal and not “average” or “normal” – you are not alone! I know that finding your “new normal” seems so awkward and terrible and unrelatable sometimes. But you are not alone! I am praying for you daily.

    I am glad that you said that you know that it is okay for you to fall apart. I pray that you will be able to work through these stages of grief as quickly and peacefully and fully as possible. I pray that others will be exceedingly thoughtful and accepting of whatever that means for you— for as long as you need them to be.

    Thank you for sharing your story and your baby. She is significant. She has helped to change many hearts and lies!

    Much love,
    Amy

  • Rebekah Hubley

    I have been keeping up with your blog, and praying for you and your family! Your husband’s music has touched our family deeply. Our family song is Selah’s version of “It Is Well”. Our first born, Hannah, is seven now, and was born full term. On her 3rd day of life we found out that she was completely blind. Though she did not die, our immediate dreams for her did. Our second child, Micah, is 5, and at 17 weeks gestation, he was diagnosed with Spina bifida. God has been so faithful to our family, and has used our children as witnesses to Him, far more that we could ever do! God blessed us 21months ago with a healthy baby boy, Luca. Through all of this, God has put us on a journey of international adoption. We will be bringing our 4th baby home from Haiti in a few weeks. Jonas is visually impaired also. It is amazing what we thought was devistating and tragic with Hannah’s birth, God has turned into a passion for special needs adoption. Seven years ago, we would have never guessed the road that God would be leading us down. We have been truly blessed by our trials. The song, “Through it all” speaks such truth. I have never lost a child, so I do not know the depth of your sorrow. I have however lost the dreams of what I thought our family would be like. God has filled those sorrows with abundant blessings! Just by reading your entries, God is going to use you and Audrey’s story for GREAT THINGS!!!!!!!!!! I would never have been able to reach so many people for Christ, had it not been for Hannah and Micah’s birth stories! There lives have changed so many people’s hearts. I pray a blessing of peace on you and your family in the coming days! God is not finished with the story of Audrey’s life. God Bless!!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Nobody could possibly understand this situation unless they’ve been through it before themselves. A mother’s love is the deepest love of all. Nobody hurts over the loss of a child more than the mother. It’s OK to cry. It’s even OK to cry a lot. Tears are a language God understands.

    We’re all praying. We live in different parts of the world, but prayer will unite our hearts. Many women who have posted on your blog have been in your shoes. They are the ones who truly feel your loss. I am praying not only for you, but for every mother who reads this blog who has lost a precious child. I pray God will give you words to say when people ask sensitive questions. I pray for comfort for you. Believe me, we’re all crying with you.

  • karen44

    Angie,
    That you are able to sort through all your emotions, memories, hopes and dreams and put them into words absolutely amazes me. God has wonderful things in store for you; and I know He will show you just where to find them.
    Many blessings,
    karen l.

  • Anonymous

    Although you may not feel so strong…your strength amazes me!!!

    I can’t say that I know how you are feeling or what you are going through, but what I can say is you are truly a spirit of God’s work. You emulate God’s glory!!!

    Please know that I am praying for you and your precious family throughout the days!

    God Bless!

    Kim
    San Angelo, Texas

  • Laura

    Beautiful…still praying for you daily. Praying for sweet dreams of Audrey and patience to walk through each moment.

  • Laura

    Your post brings back so many feelings! I lost one of my twins almost 9 years ago and your words are so true. You want the world to scream to they world “hey I just lost my baby”. Or you feel like you are “marked” and everyone should just know that you just lost your precious baby. You sort of expect the world to stop and when it goes on it just doesn’t seems right. And the questions about how many children you have, I answer it differently at different times(of course my kids always tell). I am praying for peace and a calmness of heart for you and you family. When you need a good cry(which will be often) listen to Glory Baby by Watermark. After 9 years the tears are pretty much gone except when we sing songs like Blessed be the Name, I always well up. Your family is lifted up in prayer many times daily!!
    Laura

  • Anonymous

    angie –
    like so many others, i continue to pray for you, todd, and the girls. your faith and transparancy are both incredible gifts that you continue to share with the world. thank you for being His light.
    patti

  • Becoming Me

    Though pained, there is so much beauty in your words, in your heart. You are broken, but beautiful and God will continue to bring beauty from this painful time. I will continue to pray for you and your family. With love, Angela

  • Megan L Hutchings

    So beautiful and so meaningful! Your little Audrey has a ministry of her own and she has already touched more people than we realize. I hope that you continue to heal physically.

  • Erika

    Angie, what a beautiful heartfelt post. I am in tears right now just trying to imagine what you are going through. Lots of prayers & hugs, Erika

  • Twy

    Angie,
    Today as you go about your day and I go through mine, I am stopping and giving you a huge hug. We are friends now, living worlds apart, never meeting, never speaking….but we are friends.
    I know you have a long road ahead, but reading your Blog I know that your strength and the strength you draw from Him are enough to get you through. I am inspired by you, your beauty and your dedication to God. I pray that many people who have never seen God’s beauty and God’s love will read this site and see how remarkable he is, through you. I hope today brings you smiles and laughter when you most need them, and tears when it’s necessary to shed them.
    I am thinking of you and your beautiful family often and praying for you daily.
    Take care, Big Hugs,
    Twyla
    PS- When I read your post about the US Magazine, Coach purse and Starbucks, I knew we were friends!

  • Kristi

    Sweet Angie,

    Be gentle with yourself as you continue to cry out to God. God is moving mountains through Audrey this day. Crying out with you,
    Kristi

  • Lindsey

    I continue to pray for your family. Truly what a legacy that sweet little Audrey has! Sending you a big hug!

  • Ida

    What a beautiful way to remember such a beauty!

    Your words are more eloquent than I could ever imagine!

    God Bless and Keep You!

    Ida

  • Court

    Despite your ability to post, we have continued to pray for you all! So thankful to see that you’re back and praying that those at Blogger who had to review your blog were touched. May God continue to grant you peace, comfort and joy in the days and weeks to come.

  • Francine

    I am at awe by your words and your faith. YOu will never know what a change you have made in my life by sharing this entire season you have been going through. Prayers go up for you daily as I know every little prayer is something to lift you. May God hold you in his arms and give you all you need through this time. God bless you dear friend. Ive never even met you yet if I saw you today I would speak to you as if you were one of my dearest friends.
    Hugs..
    Francine Howell

  • Michelle

    Nice to “see you” again, Angie. I can relate so deeply with what you wrote. My son Alex was murdered when he was three. His preschool planted a flowering crab tree in his honor. (Theres a story there, about the tree, but this is not the place)
    Alex’s tree is so tall now. He died in 2000, 8 long years ago. He was 3 when he died. I watch that tree grow and it is comforting and heartbreaking all at once. he should be getting taller, too. But there is a strength I get from the beauty of that tree…unexplainable. On special days, I decorate it. Christmas, his birthday, Sept 11, the day he died. When it flowers, I am renewed. When the winter covers it with snow, I am reminded of his smiling face in a blue oshkosh snowsuit, cheeks red from the cold.
    I am glad you have the tree. I hope one day you will be able to find peace. I used to dream about Alex often, and be so grateful for the dreams. He would be standing next to my bed, calling my name. I hated to wake up, because in my dreams I could feel him, smell him….he was there. A few years ago, I stopped dreaming of him so much. It is about that time that I began to feel peace. I pray for that for you. Keep writing, keep seeking, and know you are surrounded by prayer from all over the world. With much love…Michelle

  • The Shulls

    What a blessing.. even with all the pain you are going through Audrey and her sweet Mommy remind me of the goodness of the Lord.

    May Him keep you sweetly wrapped in his arms and rock you to sleep every night in his love.

    We keep praying for our family.

    Love,
    The Shulls

  • Jungheims

    This is so beautiful! My prayers for you have been constant and I awoke this morning thinking of you and praying to hear from you…to know you are still there and still holdling on.

    You bring back so many memories for me after losing my Grace. You are so brave to share these inmost feelings. Life will never be the same, but you will continue living and you will learn what YOU must do to begin to carve out this new, unchartered life. And this new life is so much richer. I’m still praying!

  • His_Princess2008

    Angie! I can’t begin to tell you how amazing you are! I am praying for you and the family. What an amazing story. I love you and am constantly in prayer for you. I sent you a package in the mail the other day and you should receive it shortly. I hope it made it there okay. Newaz…tell the girls they are loved and are being prayed for as well.
    Love and Prayers, Dani

  • Hannah

    I don’t even know you and yet I feel compelled to pray for you. I couldn’t sleep lastnight and you came into my mind and I immediately just started to pray. I will continue to pray also. I just wanted to let you know-

  • Amanda

    Our God does not make mistakes. I believe that there is no coincidence here with Audrey and cherry blossom season. How beautiful that tree must be but how much more beautiful are the trees in heaven that Audrey is probably dancing under? Stay strong and remember its okay to cry, its not a sign of weakness at all.

  • Anonymous

    Beautifully written and filled with love. Your words are uplifting and inspiring. Thoughts and prayers to you and your family. God bless.

  • Kids Special Needs

    We too, truly struggle with what to tell people how many children we have. People ask that all the time. It’s been two years, and I still don’t know how to answer. Let us know if you think of a way.

  • Anonymous

    Praise God for our Audrey-blossom!

  • Tina Thompson

    God uses you to minister to us all! I continue to pray for all of you!

    ~Tina

  • Anonymous

    Another rainy day
    I can’t recall having sunshine on my face
    All I feel is pain
    All I wanna do is walk out of this place
    But when I am stuck and I can’t move
    When I don’t know what I should do
    When I wonder if I’ll ever make it through

    I gotta keep singing
    I gotta keep praising Your name
    Your the one that’s keeping my heart beating
    I gotta keep singing
    I gotta keep praising Your name
    That’s the only way that I’ll find healing

    Can I climb up in Your lap
    I don’t wanna leave
    Jesus sing over me
    I gotta keep singing

    Can I climb up in Your lap
    I don’t wanna leave
    Jesus sing over me
    I gotta keep singing

    Oh You’re everything I need
    And I gotta keep singing

    “Keep Singing”
    MercyMe

  • Kids Special Needs

    One more thought: if you scream at anyone in public, this will be normal for your out of this world experience.

    Just after we lost our daughter (within a day), I needed to use a phone, to call my mom, to share with her that she had just lost her only granddaughter. I couldn’t find a phone (that anyone would let me use), and didn’t have a cell. I finally found a woman with a phone, she wouldn’t let me use it, and I screamed at her “I JUST LOST MY DAUGHTER! I HAVE TO CALL MY MOTHER AND TELL HER!!!!!!!!”

    I was overcome with grief, and truly needed a phone to call my mother and tell her. The lady left her phone and disappeared.

    I was briefly embarrassed, feelign as if I was in another world or time, and feeling like perhaps I lost my mind, as people stood around staring. I imagine they wondered what to do. I guess when people don’t know what to do, they do nothing. And I walked away to find a different phone.

    Now I look back, and know that if I saw a complete stranger screaming that they just lost their child, I’d give them anything I could to help.

    People who have just lost a child, like that day, can barely breathe, walk, or function.

    Perhaps God will allow me to use my experience to help others. That is my wish, that something productive and positive would come from this all. For myself, my family, and all families who have lost children.

    God Bless you.

    Feel free to write if you need to vent. I’m at sweetangelplus4@yahoo.com.

    Blessings to you and your family.
    Hugs, Esther

  • Elena

    Lovely post!

    I had a stillborn son in 2002. I just wanted to let you know that it’s okay to be sad. We do grief so badly in this culture!! But it is perfectly natural and healthy to be sad and to cry. I know you know that, but sometimes it just helps to “hear” someone else say it.

    I also appreciate what you wrote about your C-section scar. Those are badges of our motherhood aren’t they! I read a Christian mom once who said that she thought that even our Resurrection bodies would have our Cesarean scars on them, because we honored God by giving life a chance through them. That made me appreciate mine even more.

    You’re a lovely woman with a beautiful family. I pray for God to give you healing and peace.

  • happe2beme

    My tears fall and i can’t imagine the pain you feel…i am so sorry for you and your family…you inspire me to be more…my daughter celebrated her 18th birthday april 10th she was born with cancer they found in an ultrasound a few surgeries and chemo and she is here today by the miracle of god…who is great…hard times make us stronger but going thru the pain to get there is hard…i know you are touching so many lives being a witness of a greater power…i will keep your family in my prayers…janet from california

  • Kristin

    You are in my prayers.

  • kdn

    Thank you for your words. You have left a deposit of silver and gold in my soul. Your experience has challenged and changed me. Thank you for being genuine and for sharing Audrey with so many. Praying for you daily. Reach your hands to the sky! He will make things beautiful. He will.

  • Mary

    Angie-
    You are truly a gifted writer. . .Because of Audrey and the story you tell in her honor – you are inspiring me to be a better Mom to my 2 young daughters (Audrey and Sloane)and I continue to stand in the gap for you, Todd and those precious daughters of yours. Hang in there, Love – chin up!!
    Hugs & much love from Georgia
    -Mary

  • Kristen

    I have never commented on a blog where I don’t know the person, but after reading your story; you are in my thoughts constantly and the Spirit nudges me to wake and pray for you often. I feel as though I’ve known you well and have a deep love for your family…can’t wait to meet you someday in front of our Savior’s face! Thank you for allowing your blog, your overwhelming story, your transparency to be used by God…to bring people to Him. God has used you to change my life already, wish we could sit down at a Starbucks and chat about it. I am praying for you intensely and thanking God for a cherry tree today!
    Love in our Lord,
    ~Kristen from Arizona

  • Kristen

    I have never commented on a blog from a person I have never met. But since reading your story I feel that I know you almost better than my best friend. You and your family are in my thoughts constantly and the Spirit often nudges me awake in the night to pray for you. Thank you for being His vessel, for allowing us a glimpse into your heartbreak and Hope. Thank you for using your blog to reach people for His Kingdom. God has used you to impact my walk with Him deeply, wish we could sit at Starbucks to chitchat about it. I will indeed keep you in my prayers…thanking God for a cherry tree this morning.
    ~Kristen from Arizona

  • JanaBanana

    I am still amazed by your words.. I pray that each day you have the strength to carry on, even when you dont think you will..
    God Bless you.

  • Our Family of Four

    What AMAZING friends you have. We too have a cherry tree in our yard and it is soooo beautiful if only for a few days, very much like the hours you had with Audrey – your friends were either really lucky with their choice or very intuitive. We will continue to pray for you and your family to find peace.

  • Joy

    You said: “I pictured the God of the universe watching two little girls dance under the falling blossoms, in a country so far from home…innocence in motion…and years later watching my dear friends plant life in a season of loss.”

    Isn’t He good? And faithful?! He knew what would bless your heart, He knows and He knows you’re hurting! Don’t stop leaning on Abba Father! He knows you better than anyone else!!!

  • Kether

    May His hand continue to bring you through.
    You are an amazing testimony of faith.

  • Patsy from Ga.

    Angie, I have found your story of Audrey so close to my heart. I have lost a son who now waits in Heaven for me. I want you to know your family and this story has affected my life in so many ways. I have strayed from God and only recently came back home again, I praise God for everything…You are a God sent to me…Bless you, your children, husband, and your Audrey. God has blessed us so much in so many ways in our lives. Thank you for your updates about your life, I can’t say enough what a blessing you are. Thank you and Thank you God for all things, Amen and Amen

  • Cibele

    I have no words of wisdom , just tears and my prayers … Your faith and dependence on the Lord are just so inspiring …your testimony is so powerful and I am sure that God is so proud of you, proud how you are glorifying Hs name even in the mist of so much pain and sorrow.
    I lost a baby as well (nothing compared to you because it was at the beginning of the pregnancy), but there is a song that spoke deeply into my heart and the promise that we will each other again consoled my heard during those hard days

    With Hope Lyrics
    Artist(Band):Steven Curtis Chapman

    This is not at all how
    We thought it was supposed to be
    We had so many plans for you
    We had so many dreams
    And now you’ve gone away
    And left us with the memories of your smile
    And nothing we can say
    And nothing we can do
    Can take away the pain
    The pain of losing you, but …

    We can cry with hope
    We can say goodbye with hope
    ‘Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
    And we can grieve with hope
    ‘Cause we believe with hope
    (There’s a place by God’s grace)
    There’s a place where we’ll see your face again
    We’ll see your face again

    And never have I known
    Anything so hard to understand
    And never have I questioned more
    The wisdom of God’s plan
    But through the cloud of tears
    I see the Father’s smile and say well done
    And I imagine you
    Where you wanted most to be
    Seeing all your dreams come true
    ‘Cause now you’re home
    And now you’re free, and …

    We have this hope as an anchor
    ‘Cause we believe that everything
    God promised us is true, so …

    So we can cry with hope
    And say goodbye with hope

    We wait with hope
    And we ache with hope
    We hold on with hope
    We let go with hope

  • The Duráns

    Angie,
    I check your blog every day and as I do I pray for you and your family. We lost three babies early in pregnancy in the past year and it has been tough for me.
    What resonated in my heart from this last post was when you said how you can sit at the park and watch your kids play and not yell out to the other moms that you just lost your daughter. I have felt that way so often and then I have thought, I wonder how many other people have issues like this in their lives as well.
    One verse that has meant so much to me during these dark days is Psalm 27:13-14 “I would have despaired unless I had believed I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord. Yes, wait for the Lord.”
    My prayer for you now is that you will LET your heart take courage. In the moments when you feel as if you have had the wind taken from your lungs, LET your heart take courage.
    Loving you as a sister in the Lord,
    Kristina

  • Tabitha

    Angie,
    I have been thinking about you and your family and have been checking back to see if you were able to write again.
    I read your post with tears flowing down my face (yet again!!),
    How beautiful that you can look out of your window and see Audreys blossom.
    My prayers and thoughts are with you.
    Thank you for sharing your story ~ my life has been forever changed by knowing your sweet Audreys story.
    love and warm wishes,
    Tabitha X

  • momtoboys

    Angie, May I say your “story” has touched my life in such a personal way. I have lost a son who now waits for me in Heaven. Your Audrey is such a blessing, to me and so many strangers who’ll never know. Bless you and your girls, your husband. I have wandered from God and only recently found my way home again. I had come across your blog at such a time in my own life it is hard to put into words, all I can say is bless you, bless you. God is almighty, Thank you God for all things in this life. Thank you Angie you are a blessing to me. Love to you and your family.

  • MBKimmy

    Continuing to pray for all of you … thanks for sharing iwth us I know it is hard!

  • Honea Household

    Blossom, my friend. A new life is coming. Grieve for now, though. Your post was beautiful. You are constantly on my mind, even though I don’t even know you. I’ve cried for you and with you in your loss. May you, in time, blossom, and testify to His glory. Much love and many, many prayers.

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Melissa Irwin, Broker, Mommy, Wife & Friend

    Your blog being frozen was surely no accident. I do believe that all of your blog readers have felt just that….frozen, for the past 2 weeks. We have ached and wept and prayed and hurt, and we have rejoiced where we could….but I believe we have all been frozen. Your blog has thawed…we are thawing. We love Audrey and we love your family and we rejoice that you are writing again and that we can continue to be a part of you and of Audrey’s story. Most of us need evidence that life goes on after tragic loss….and you minister that to us. Thank you Angie. You make Jesus real to many who have not known. You remind us He brings us harvest after death. Thank you for your continued testimony. (Melissa Irwin)

  • Mila in PA

    Angie~ I am so glad you have been able to post again. I have had you in my prayers and thoughts. Your story about the cherry tree and all it has meant for you gave me chills. Your openess to all that He is telling you has reminded me to be more present in my relationship with Him. To listen and really watch for ways my prayers are answered.
    Perhaps as your beautiful tree grows, your sweet girls will dance under the shower of petals and thank God for the gift that is Audrey.
    Love, Mila

  • Anonymous

    Although I do not know what to say I am compelled to write to you and reassure you that although for a while your blog was “silent” Audrey’s story will never be “silent”. We have all continued to pray for you and your family.

    Thank you again for your honesty and transparency to us “strangers”. As Christians we somehow feel we must hold in our grief in order to appear strong. You remind us that it is okay to “fall apart” and question while still being able to praise God.

    Your dream about begging God to send Audrey back to you was so compelling. Often as Christians we think that if only we have enough faith that God will change His plans. But God’s plans are always God,s plans. He just asks that we praise Him through the process. Of course that is easier said then done.

    The cherry blossoms are in bloom here in Western New York. I will be reminded to pray for you and your family everytime I see one. What an awesome God we have!

    I wanted to let you and Todd know that this weekend our youth group will be using the song “Follow Jesus” from Selah,s “Bless the Broken Road” album for our theme song. Twenty-one 4th-6th graders will be blessed and encouraged to walk like Jesus through this song. We are hoping to set up some sort of service project where the children can earn money to send to Congo to help buy Bibles and build wells. God may not have lead me to this if I had not had you all on my mind these past few months. Another legacy to sweet Audrey!

    Continue to know that we will be praying for you and your family for a long time to come.

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Rog & Aimee

    Did your friends that planted the tree do research on trees before picking the one they did? Whether or not they did I can’t believe how much that tree symbolizes your precious little girl! Thinking and praying for your family!

  • Carolyn

    Wow that is amazingly beautiful…how parallel her sweet life was to the Cherry Blossom tree. I have been following your blog for a few weeks now and I want you to know that even though you don’t know me I am praying for your family. Your whole family, including Audrey. I pray for your healing.
    God Bless

  • Anonymous

    Audrey was a short lived blossom who will always be remembered for being sooooo beautiful. She has touched so many people!

    I pray your pillow will be dry one day. God Bless!

    -Haley from Colorado

  • Anonymous

    I’m so glad that you’re back! Last night I couldn’t sleep for about an hour and I prayed your name over and over. Please know that not only has God not forgotten you, but there are many of us who will not forget either. Your gifts of faith and words are a gift to all of us. I’m blessed each time I read this-

    many, many prayers!

  • Anonymous

    What I have learned from reading you experience the joy of Audrey, and the sorrow of her passing is this: Cling to God.

    You have not let go. You are profound in your honesty, in your experiencing of the range of emotions. And you are generous in sharing them with us, letting us see that faith can be more real than I’d ever imagined. You haven’t stomped your feet, or questioned God’s goodness, you are a woman whose example I shall never forget.

    I get a sense that you are the woman at the feet of Christ, washing them with your tears and drying them with your hair. But worshipping. If tears can be worship, then you are a worship leader.

    Thank you, thank you, for sharing your heart here. I am not experiencing the loss of a child, but I have found so many lessons through your experience that are helping me to process some stuff in a way that is more pleasing to God.

    I am praying for you. Again, thankyou.

  • queenie76

    Angie,
    Again you have been on my mind and I keep asking GOd to keep sweet Audrey safe . I know I will never understand your grief, but just know that you guys are on my mind.
    Tara
    (met you at the memorial service pink shirt, curlyhair, you thanked me for coming , I would not have missed it)

  • queenie76

    Angie,
    Again you have been on my mind and I keep asking GOd to keep sweet Audrey safe . I know I will never understand your grief, but just know that you guys are on my mind.
    Tara
    (met you at the memorial service pink shirt, curlyhair, you thanked me for coming , I would not have missed it)

  • Anonymous

    The words of my favorite hymn come to mind…

    Be still, my soul: the Lord is on your side.
    Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;
    Leave to your God to order and provide;
    in every change God faithful will remain.
    Be still, my soul: your best, your heavenly friend
    through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

    Much love,
    Sara from MD

  • Susie Harris

    Such sweet friends you have. you are blessed. I have checked on and prayed for you daily. Take care my sweet friend, Susie H

  • Corey Re’

    Angie…I read and reread the words you wrote. What beauty and Love for the Lord we serve is found. I want you to know, my family has not stopped praying for you, and your family. We will not stop praying either. We as frail humans can never understand the ways of the Lord…but we do understand one thing…He loves us more than we can comprehend, and He has not left us. May the Lord hold your family close, and bless you beyond words..
    I look forward to the day we see our loved ones in heaven!

    Corin John and Lily Sandlin

    Corunna MI

  • Anonymous

    BEAUTIFUL. i’m soooo glad you’re blessed with HOPE despite all the sadness.

    i know what you mean about blurting out the heaviest thing on your mind & in your heart. i lost my boyfriend when we were both 19 & i felt as if i was living a lie if people didn’t know that about me. cashiers, the person in the car next to me, the sweet lady in the aisle, etc. you wanted them to know why you’re not smiling, or why there’s emptiness in your eyes, or why you’re not complimenting them on their cute shirt. all things that you would do “normally”. but then there were days where it sort of felt good to be free of those thoughts for a little while, just escape reality & not feel the pain. to not have everyone treat you like a victim. this sunday, april 27, will be 12 years since the biggest loss of my life. and even though i’m married now with 3 kids… i still think about “Mike” almost every day. the thoughts don’t make me sad any more, they’re just thoughts or memories that make my heart realize i’ll never forget him. he’s with me everywhere.

    in time you’ll learn who to share it with, how to share it & that’s it’s okay not to. this is all new to you… as if you’ve added another line to your job description. it’ll take awhile for you to find & be in your [new] comfort zone. ’til then we’re all praying for you & trying to be your comfort.

    you have AMAZING FRIENDS. my heart is happy knowing God gave you such amazing friends to help you through this time & knowing they knew the *perfect* gift in memory of your sweet baby girl. i’m touched FOR YOU. :) there’s not much that us blogger girls can do, but i’m elated that the people that can help ease the pain, are. so thank them for us, too.

    this part isn’t easy, so we’re still praying for you, girl.

    - Rachel in Kansas City

  • Jess :)

    Praise God that you are not “spam,” which we all knew was so far from the truth. Praise God even more that you are able to share once again. I’ve missed reading your updates. You’ve become a daily part of so many people’s lives that we feel bummed when we can’t read your amazing words! Thank you, again, for sharing. I know that many previous posts have mentioned the idea of a book. I actually e-mailed Jess about that very thing and asked her to please share that idea with you, when she felt the time was right. I, as well as many others, would be honored and blessed to own such a treasure of words…spoken from your heart…sharing Audrey’s amazing story, which has touched the lives of so many. Looking forward to more pictures of your beautiful and most precious baby Audrey!

    Blessings and continued prayers to you, Todd and the girls!

    Love, Jess

  • Nancy

    Hold that precious blanket, smell it, wrap yourself in it, and just try to get through one minute at a time.

    I’ve been doing this for 28 years. Each day gets easier but I still have the blanket and I still wrap it around me and remember my little Joe, that died when he was 5 days old. Our apple tree reminds me to never forget how precious life is and that God is good.

    I’ve read your entire story, I feel your pain, and I’m praying for you and your family.

    I can listen in the middle of the night, or anytime that the pain is unbearable… I know exactly what it feels like. If you want to give me a call, just email me and I will send you my phone number. carson132@bellsouth.net

    Blessings to you from someone that’s been their and would help in any way possible.

    “Come to me all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens and I will give you rest” Matt. 11:28

    With Christian love,
    Nancy

  • kristy mae

    Though I didn’t realize it at that second, I stopped breathing when I saw you had a new post up. I read and once again cried for you and your loss.
    May the Lord hold you tightly as you lean on him.
    much love,
    kristy in AR

  • AmyD

    Just wanted to pop back in to say that I am still praying for all of you.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Alex & Jill

    I’ve been checking back for posts daily, was happy to see you were back. What beautiful words…you brought me to tears once again. You have a gift in writing and have no idea how the way you’ve handled this terrible loss has ministered to me. You’re a strong woman, Angie…I’m sure there are times when you don’t feel so strong but God is using you in a great way. You and your family are in my prayers.

  • Three Fold Cord

    He is amazing. He is the Alpha and Omega and HE again has proven himself faithful.What a story that only the ultimate storyteller could create for you. Continuing to lift you all up and will pray for Peace as you sleep.

  • Three Fold Cord

    Cherry blossoms are sure to have an even more effect on my heart. The sweet fragility of life!!! Loving on you in the Lord!

  • Erica Shier

    I had to stop cying and raising my hands in praise to our AMAZING God to write this! He just doesn’t miss a detail, does He. So grateful that He gave you this tangible sign that He is there and sarrying you still.

    Sweet Audrey, God is using your life and legacy to revive faith in cold hearts and spark it in those who have never known the God who created you and wrote your story. Praising God for you today…and praying for the family that misses you so.

  • Sarah Taylor

    Angie, the fact that you take the time to update us all is incredible. Thank you for including us in Audreys story – it’s changed me. I work in minsitry, but after a while, I feel dry and drained and your words connect me back to the God I long to serve and know. I’ve selfishly waited for you to post again because I hang on every word that you write. Audreys legacy will never leave my thoughts…so if you wonder “will she be forgotten by those who read this after a few years pass?” the answer is “never.”
    I send the link to this blog to everyone I know. Several women I love are starting to read these words for the very first time today. You and your family are changing lives for eternity. May God grant you strenth hour by hour, minute by minute. Although we’ve never met, I must say I love you. And as I watch the Cherry Blossom tree in my front yard here in Seattle, I think of Audreys tree in Nashville and I feel as though we’re neighbors. All my love and support,
    Sarah

  • Lynn

    BLESS YOUR HEARTS. May God wrap you in His love and comfort your broken hearts.
    Loving you in Jesus.

  • Rebekah

    Angie and family,
    Ever since our local christian radio station annouced to keep you and your family in prayer the day Audrey was born I have kept up w/ your posts. Your strength amazes me, you all looked so happy in the hosptial bed w/ Audrey, not a single glimpse of sadness in any of the photos. By just looking at them there is no knowing the story behind them. That in itself is a testimony to me, that God made you all so peaceful that day. And i pray that he will continue to do so on a day to day basis.

  • karin

    my thoughts continue to be with you and your family as you travel this journey. your strength and vision is astounding. i am humbled by your ability to “move forward” knowing the pain is more intense than anything you’ve felt. may you find peace continually as the days press on …. warmest wishes.

  • Anonymous

    I have been so encouraged by your faith. My prayers are with you and your family. I am so amazed when I read these tiny intricacies of he Lord, its like He’s reaching down his hand from heaven to let you know He has her in His arms and He loves you.

    Randie from Texas

  • Memaw’s memories

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful little Audrey with all of us. It has meant so much to so many people.

    I was told once that you never truly know what your ministry does, because you may never see it. But it is there. You will probably never know the full impact of her brief time here on the hearts and souls of those who have been able to know her through you.

    Your writings are very eloquent. Your words about your precious baby and the living God you both serve mean so much to so many.

    May you heal physically and spiritually. Keep up the fight against satan. God will not allow you to bear more than you are able.

    And think about the reunion you will have some day.

  • Anonymous

    Angie, what a strong, faithful, unbelieveable woman you are. You truly should take all of your blog posts and put them in a book. Oh what a wonderful blessing you could share with others. It is hard when you are in the middle of such a trial to know that a loving Heavenly Father does not give us more than we can handle. That said, it often takes time to look back and see how we grew. You have already shown on the pages of this blog your strength, growth, love, faith and healing powers. You are amazing. Thank you for giving us the blessing of your words and for sharing your beautiful Audrey with all of us. The Lord will continue to bless and keep you in comfort, tears, sorrow and smiles. He loves you. May you be blessed. Continue to share, you are blessing so many!
    Melanie

  • The Morris Family

    When I came upon the path of grief, I did not know so many traveled it as well, but I read and find the same words of pain, hurt and tears, I read to find out how others make it. YOur helping my heart with your words and faith. Thank you for sharing. 15 months ago our little 3yr Joel went to live with Jesus. We will neer be the same,but HE is the same!! May the Lord continue to bring the grace!!
    Cindy
    http://www.weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com

  • bas

    Angie, Todd, and family
    I own a used bookstore, and one of my customer/friends lost one of her sons 17 years ago, and her answer to the question of her children,” 2 on earth and one with Jesus”. When she said that, I knew that she was a believer. Not preaching, but a simple statement.
    I am so glad you are back, and not in some “spamland”.
    I am going through a rough divorce after 30 years of marriage, and Selah has been a source of comfort to me. I sometimes just lay in bed at night with the stereo loud, and cry to Him, listening to the wonderful sound of Selah. I hope that sound is as comforting to you as it is to me.
    God bless you, as you have blessed me, both with music, and your story of Audrey-blossom. Cherries are my favorite fruit, but alas, cherry trees won’t grow in Scottsdale! Instead I planted a rose in her honor.
    Thank you for sharing Audrey and her story, and your amazing belief in God’s promises and never changing grace.
    Beverly

  • Darlene R.

    Angie~
    So glad that you are not spam!

    I have continued to pray for you through this time. I hope that you are healing well. It’s amazing how people touch your heart in such a way that you know you will never, ever forget them. You are one of those people to me.
    Love,
    Darlene -IN

  • Annikke

    I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now after a friend of mine told me about it. I experienced a similar loss and I have been praying for you and your family. You have a beautiful spirit about you. Thank you for sharing that love with the bloggy world.

  • goodtwin

    Angie, your posts have such a profound impact on me. I only know you from this session of posts, but I love you like a sister and I mourn your loss with you. I am glad the blogger administrators decided you were not spam. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers. Sending hugs from Michigan :)

  • Aimee

    Angie,

    I am so glad you are able to write again. As always, I was so touched to read your writing. My heart breaks to think of how terrible those dreams are for you. I pray for peaceful dreams tonight for you, and in the nights to come.

    I am so thankful that God has blessed you with such a wonderful circle of friends – it was a lovely idea to plant a tree for Audrey. The blossoms will remind you each year of Audrey’s beauty, both her spirit and her sweet face.
    Be sure to lean on your friends, and to ask for help if you need it in the days ahead. They too, are a gift from God, just as Audrey is.

    Blessings,
    Aimee Wade

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    I read your lovely post about the cherry blossom tree this morning. I dropped my kids off at school and went to my mothers and she handed me a card a friend had just sent to her in the mail. The front of the card was a cherry blossom tree. I prayed for you at that very moment and knew that your Comforter gave you a hug at that very moment.

  • Anonymous

    You are an AMAZING writer. Truly gifted. I would love to see some pictures with Audrey, but not until you are ready to share. Hold fast.

    Praying,
    Jill

  • C Hutter

    Angie,
    Isn’t the Lord just awesome! Your blog was brought to my attention by my sister-in-law and It has truly changed my perspective on dealing with lifes trials. As many people do I become very caught up in what I consider “problems” when really they are so small in comaprison to the loss your family has endured. I am a mother of 4, 5 in Novemeber and I thank the Lord for every moment I can share with them. Your story is not only amazing but it is so inspirational and has had such an impact in many peoples lives. Enjoy those beautiful girls and the precious gift of your husband! Our family has been praying for yours and try to have peace knowing that you will see you Audrey blossom in that beautiful mansion that is just waiting for us to arrive! We don’t know you personally but we love youy guys and will be parying for you! In Christ, The Hutter Family

  • Kim

    Angie-
    It’s beyond me how the words you write can touch my soul and bring me to tears each time I read them. I don’t know you, you don’t know me but I pray for you many times a day, I rejoice in our beautiful merciful God for this fragile life. I have never commented on anyones blog, but I was drawn to click that little blue comment button– I know these words will comfort you. As you sit and read them know I am on my knees cradling my own tiny daughter praying for YOU. Praying for every mother that has ever or will ever walk in your footsteps.

    I send many many kisses. Thank you for your word. You and your daughter have drawn me closer to my Lord.
    –Jesus Sweet, Sweet lover of my soul- Better is One day in your House!–

    All my Love
    Kim

  • Kristi

    I’m so glad you’re back and that you can somehow see God’s face in the midst of this tragedy. That’s what life is all about, I think. Discerning His face through this foreign land as we wait for our real home. This is not all there is…..I have to remind myself of that during some of my most painful times. And as a woman and a mother, you have experienced the greatest loss of all, yet you are still able to call for and trust God. What a testimony to the rest of us. I have been checking here daily, and will continue to. I hope those of us strangers who are praying for you and sharing in your journey, albeit through a screen, are able to bring you some comfort. :-( I wish there was more we all could do to lessen your pain.

  • Erica

    What a beautiful post! You and Audrey touched my heart, yet again. I have 2 blossoming cherry trees in my front yard, and will think of you two every time I see the pretty pink blooms. God Bless! *big hugs*

  • Carrie

    Angie …

    God is so good in the glimpses He gives us … telling us all along that He is most certainly in control. What a treat to have that tree in your yard. We planted rose bushes when we lost our Gracie. What a sweet remembrance every time I went to our yard. A friend send me a devotional that spoke of a rose blooming on the other side. Here … I just saw Gracie as a bud but with Jesus … she is blooming in His arms!

    I’m still blown away at how – having never met you- God has drawn me to you and to your family.
    Continued prayers …

  • Alex

    Yet another beautifully written post. I’ll continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Keep on truckin’!

  • Jenn in AK

    Prayers are said for you and your family daily. You are amazing, Angie, that you can put so much truth and emotion into words on a screen. Much love to you.

  • Tiffany

    Oh Angie, that post was absolutely beautiful. I too love Cherry blossoms but I never knew the significance of them. What a beautiful description. I am praying for you always over here.

  • Peas on Earth

    Wow. God is so cool. :-)

  • Gene McIntyre

    Welcome back, Angie. Welcome back. We have prayed so much for you. You are going to overcome, but you are right, not now. It is ok for you to feel the way you are feeling. Your pain does not intimidate the God that made you. Your weakness is an opportunity for his power to be made perfect in you. I know that life will blossom again in your heart and soul. I know that you will smile again. And I know that you know that God has not abandoned you or forsaken you. I love you. And I wanted you to know that we continue to pray for you and are so happy you are back. Take care now! And please do remember that Audrey is happy, peaceful and full of life. Not with you right now, but present in the Lord. Perfect and whole. Please rejoice in knowing that your darling precious is safe and secure. Ok, now I will go. Much love, The Mcs in Bradenton, Florida

  • Olivia

    I will never be able to thank my pastors wife enough for leading me to your blog. Words can not express what this blog has done to me. it took me 2 1/2 days to read it from start to finish…because i found myself leaving my computer for more tissue. your amazing courage and strength is truly admirable. I want you to know that you and little audrey life has inspired me as well as the world. Even though we have never met i feel like i am part of your family. As i read your posts where you cried…i cried with you. When you laughed..i did too.
    Thank you for letting me and the world be part of Audrey’s story…and thank you for letting God use you in the Midst of possibly the hardest momments My Prayers will be with you and your family forever. I love you very much!

    Your sister in Christ..

    Olivia

  • Anonymous

    “Beloved of the Lord”…
    That’s you. That’s your strong husband. That’s your precious girls. You are beloved. You are surrounded. And you are cherished. Cherished by HIM, by one another, by all of us who walk beside you. Continue to look at your tree and find the beauty that its life brings. What precious friends, to have picked out a tree that HE knew would have deeper meaning that even they intended. Be reminded of your Tree of Life… HIS strong branches holding your precious blossom Audrey, with enough room to carry you too.

    Continuing to lift you up.
    Missy in Utah

  • Rachel

    My prayers are with you sweet sister in Christ.

  • Simplyliz

    What a beautiful analogy to have such a tree. May God bless you and keep you, may He look upon you with favor and bring you peace.

    Bless you for remembering to praise Him in this dark hour.

  • whetzel momma

    I’m just checking in today, to let you know that I have continued to think of and pray for you and your family… Hugs from the Internet.

    ~rachel

  • Kim

    Thank you for sharing your heart with all of us bloggers. You have such a gift of expression in writing. I cannot imagine-I don’t even want to. My heart aches for you and I am so excited to see what blessings God has planned next for your family.
    Praying for your sweet and beautiful family-
    Kim

  • Jeremey and Jessica

    Angie,
    You and yours have been on my mind everyday. My heart aches the loss too. I long for you to someday feel peace, even if it is small moments at a time. Your post was beautiful and it your strength really shines. Please scream all you want to. I will listen.
    Love and Prayers,
    Jessica

  • Emily

    Much love to you. Your precious Audrey-blossom – what a legacy she is leaving already!

  • lindsay

    Just wanted to share this poem with you tonight:

    i carry your heart with me

    i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
    my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
    i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
    by only me is your doing,my darling)
    i fear
    no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
    no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
    and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
    and whatever a sun will always sing is you

    here is the deepest secret nobody knows
    (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
    and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
    higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
    and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

    i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

    ee cummings

    Still thinking of you guys every day.

  • jamie b

    Awesome and powerful post!

    This is on a whole other note, but I am watching the dove awards and just saw YOU!! it made me smile :) you have been a huge example of faith in my life over the past month or so. I am praying for you daily because the Lord brings you to my mind often.

  • Anonymous

    such an incredible gift, that only God could have worked out. it is so amazing to me how he has everything already fit together like a beautiful puzzle. only the real beauty is when we discover the why. thank-you for sharing the remarkable story. i don’t know what is more beautiful- your words when writing of audrey or your amazing love for her. she is so blessed to have you for a mother. praying and thinking of you guys everyday. i wish i could say or do more. you are so special- tara from maryland

  • Amy

    Thank you for sharing this with us. Such a moving entry, that certainly helps us to understand just a little bit of where you are and how to pray for you better.

    I was actually just admiring my neighbor’s cherry blossom tree today, what a beautiful monument to your daughter that must be!

  • The Baby Makes 4

    I don’t have anything much to say except that your blog is a ministry and we continue to grow in Christ through it and pray continually for your family. Praise God that he has given us what we need when we experience such pain and loss. It is proof he is real and his word is truth. Amen.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    Your writing is absolutely beautiful! I think of you & your family often. In fact, I think God uses unique ways to gently remind us that someone needs our prayers. On Sunday, He did just that. We were driving home from church on Sunday afternoon 4-20. The radio was on and I heard “Bring the Rain”. I turned it up and immediately thought of you & your family. I looked at the clock and saw the time was 2:20 pm. I remembered that Audrey’s memorial service would be taking place and prayed for you. I know that it was not coincidence that that happened.
    The cherry trees are beautiful. We have a couple of cherry snow fountains in our yard that I received for my birthday a few years ago. Ironically, my birthday is on April 7th as well. It was not a surprise to me when you said that the peak blossoming time for the cherry trees was that date. I always know that it blooms on or around April 7th. What a reminder to appreciate all things beautiful for they are like a vapor and are quickly gone away.
    Thank you for the constant encouragement and blesssing in your posts. We are praying for you.
    Melissa (Illinois)

  • The Kahler Family

    Angie,
    What beautiful words you have. You are a mighty instrument for our great Lord!
    Always in prayer for you.
    Angie

  • Anonymous

    You are such a strong and brave woman. God Bless your entire family. I have cried many tears reading your story and will continue praying for you. Your letter to Audrey brought me to my knees in tears, but also filled my heart with something that I will probably never fully understand.

  • Laura Smith

    How very special– God is so perfect! I am so very glad you are back online! We dearly missed hearing from you and sharing in your journey with Audrey. I hope you are finding more peace daily. I look forward to seeing more of Audrey’s ministry “blossom.”

    Laura Smith

  • annifranni

    I still continue to pray for you and your family. I think of you often.

  • MandieGirl

    Angie,

    I love the “gift” that God gave you in your blossom. So sweet. I’m glad that you’re back! I missed you!

    Will be praying,

    Mandie

  • Jessica

    I remember well how it felt to be physically healing from a c-section while grieving the loss of my daughter and praying with all my might that God would erase it all and just give her back into my arms. Years later, I am so glad at times to have that scar as a physical reminder that, yes, she was here, she was real, she was a part of me. And even after all this time, I occasionally struggle with being asked “how many children do you have?” Most times I will say “I have three at home” or sometimes “I have three living children”.
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know you will always miss your Audrey, but I hope it will comfort to you to think of a little girl who would be almost eight growing up with her in heaven.

  • ashlee

    This is such a beautiful picture. Thank you for your open heart. You are in my prayers each day.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    You don’t know me, but we are sister’s in Christ. I have just stumbled upon your blog this evening. First of all, you have my deepest sympathy. I can’t even begin to understand your loss, but I rejoice with you in your hope. What a blessing to know that you will again be with your sweet Audrey someday. What better place for her to be than in the arms of Jesus. How sweet the thought. I felt my heart breaking for you and your family as I read about the road that you have traveled. The thing that warms my heart the most, is that you have chosen to allow God to use you even in your time of loss, and sister, that is sacrifice. How easy it would be for us in our human nature to throw our hands up in the air and give up, or shake our fists at God when hard times come our way! You, in your weakness, are allowing God to use you to tell of your faith in Him in spite of your grief. You are being a witness for Him. AMAZING! We are called by God to do this, no matter the circumstance around us. Oh the lives that Audrey has touched without speaking one word. A helpless baby has left a legacy through your words! A person’s legacy is never forgotten. I am making a commitment to you right now, I am going to keep you and your family in my prayers. I look forward to checking in on you through your blogs. I myself don’t blog, but I may just start. Give yourself time to grieve. It is okay to grieve. I will pray that this will only bring you growth and closer to God. And remember that your reunion with your daughter is only a blink of an eternal moment away. God bless you and keep you.

    Your sister in Christ
    Julie from Illinois

  • Jennifer L. Griffith

    Angie,

    Thanks for blessing the rest of us with your insight and heart for the Lord. He chose you for this occasion, knowing that you would glorify Him through it all.

    He is the Rock that your house is built upon, and it shows.

    Thanks, dear Sister In Christ,

  • Tenille Rauls

    So often you and your family have been on my mind and in my heart in prayer. My heart breaks for a fellow sister in Christ. Thank you for being so transparent and allowing us to know how to pray for you. May God bless you for being so open and honest and wrap His arms around you so you can just crawl up in His lap for Him to hold you~ Tenille
    http:\\tenille.blogplot.com

  • Laura

    I’m so glad you’re able to post again. Have been and will continue lifting you and your family up in prayer.
    And wow-the cherry tree’s peak blossoming day being on Audrey’s birthday-how fitting and beautiful.

  • Jill

    We, too, planted a weeping cherry tree in our back yard on our son’s due date three years ago. Every April 5th, it blooms and it’s just a reminder that my God is taking care of me.

    I pray for you and your family daily. May the God of joy bring it to you again. May the God of peace feel your hearts.

  • ~~ Hollie Lisk~~

    Continuing to listen and pray.

    1000 hugs,

    Hollie
    NLR, AR

  • Rose

    My condolences to your loss. I too loss a daughter. My precious daughter Katie would be 16 this year.

  • THE BOONE’S

    We are still in prayer for you all.

    That sounds so shallow compared to the words in my heart that I can’t spell out here for you, I pray that our wonderful God floods your life… and saturates you with His love.
    When someone hurts and you don’t know what to say to them to make them know that you care about the pain they are going through, I hope that “being here” just sitting and holding your hand (in prayer) is enough,
    I care. I care.

    I am so sorry and I care.

    WE ARE ALL HERE AND WE CARE.

    It is okay to be broken for a time, just crawl up on your Father’s lap and let Him hold you while you cry for a little while longer.
    How are the other girls of the house doing if I may inquire? Praying for them too, today. Everyday.
    …hugs to dull the pain…
    All my heart, Robin B.

  • Shepard Clan

    I dont even remember how I got to your blog, wow………………I have not stopped sobbing for the past hour. You are truly amazing & I feel like I know you & completely understand you. Stay strong, you have a beautiful family. I’m not sure what faith you practice, but I’m LDS & I know that families can be eternal & you can have the opportunity to raise your precious baby girl in the next life.
    Thank you for being so honest & sharing your story.

  • rhonda

    i have been wanting to write this since i read your last blog….on april 10th, this is what my little kitchen calendar said…
    “He weeps. He sits on the pew between Mary and Martha, puts and arm around each, and sobs. Among the three, a tsunami of sorrow is stirred; a monsoon of rears is released. He weeps with them.”
    When I read this on the 10th, I thought, “Yes, he does weep with them”…and ever since, I have thought of you each day and prayed for your healing and peace….I will continue to pray for you to have rest. Especially while you sleep.

  • rhonda

    that is supposed to be TEARS, not rears!!!! lol.

  • crispy

    Just wanted to share that I have been praying for you my sister in Christ.

  • surfmomma4

    Dear Angie, Todd and lovely family. I know I will never forget you in my heart or in my prayers. In the coming months is when you will need prayer more than ever. From what you write it is so evident that Our Lord is constantly sending you messages to let you know He Is Here. He talks to all of us but so many don;t “listen”, so your testimony is so important. If anyone wants to read a beautiful account of Audreys memorial service, her dear friend Jessica has posted on her site. Would that we would all be surrounded by such loving Christian friends You blog friend in Christ, Susan

    http://jessicaturnersblog.blogspot.com/

  • Sarah

    Love, love, love the comparison to a cherry blossom! What an impact of beauty sweet Audrey had on this world in her short little life. The rest of us can only hope to have such an impact during our whole lives. How blessed are you that she came through you and was/is your daughter! Now we watch you blossom and grow, even through the trenches of pain, and your impact grows! You, sweet sister, are a cherry blossom in your own right! Thank you for blooming for us to see.
    Love, Sarah

  • Two blessings from above

    Angie,
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Everytime I see a cherry blossom tree, I will think of your beautiful daughter.

    God Bless you.

  • Anonymous

    angie and family,

    we sing this praise chorus at church sometimes and after i read your post, i couldn’t stop singing this for you as a prayer from you to our amazing God.

    The more i seek you
    the more i find you

    The more i find you
    the more i love you

    I want to sit at your feet, drink from the cup in your hand.
    Lay back against you and breathe, feel your heartbeat.

    This love is so deep, it’s more than i can stand.
    I melt in your peace, it’s overwhelming.

    that was written by zach neese.

    we are praying for God’s peace that’s overwhelming.

    your sister in Christ,
    melody from ohio

  • Angie

    Angie
    I continue to pray for you and your family as you go through this difficult time. It is truly amazing how God works although at the time we don’t understand. Sweet little Audrey has changed so many lives in the few hours you had with her. She is just beautiful. Know that people are praying for you all over the country, praying for strength and that you heal each day.
    Prayers from Adrian MN
    God Bless you.

  • Anonymous

    Your story continues to bless me with your faith and the beautiful way your are able to express what you are experiencing. It is a true gift to all of us

    I am praying for all of you and hoping through the pain of loss you can always remember the wonder that is Audrey

    E

  • Anonymous

    Let’s all plant a cherry blossom tree in memory of Audrey – just think if there are thousands of them all over the country that bloom each year when Audrey’s birthday comes around and we can all remember the glory this child is and never forget – I am going to do that and invite you all to do the same!

  • Anonymous

    I read this blog days before I lost my baby at 5 months. I held him for the short time he was here and I miss him beyond words.

    I read this everyday, because I feel everything you say and feel, I know it all too well.

    It is a pain that cannot be explained unless you are going through it. I don’t want to believe he is gone. It is a sad, empty pain that no words or gesture will fix.

    I pray you and your family find a place where you don’t forget your little angel, but can be at peace with the nightmare that you’ve been through. I have been told the same.

    God bless you and your beautiful family and hope you find the strength to get through this dark time.

  • Faith Hope Love Mama

    Praying for you and your sweet family. Your pain and hope is so evident through your words. Please know that many are lifting you up. You also are wonderfully made just like your precious little girl. He knows your every thought and that is truly amazing. Blessings and prayers.

  • Jenn

    Angie, Praying girl!! I remember after losing mom and dad how I would have vivid dreams about them dying-it was very hard to endure. Praying that God washes you in His peace and love! Hugs!

  • Anonymous

    I’m so glad you’re back! I think we all missed you! :)

    This weekend, my husband preaached a revival at a small church here in TX. The church is very traditional and we pulled at our hymn books and sang songs I’ve known my entire life, but many of which I did not know all of the words to. Anyway, I couldn’t help but think of you when we sang “Because He lives.” I wasn’t familiar with the verse that says “How sweet to hold a newborn baby and feel the pride and joy he gives, but GREATER STILL the calm assurance, this child can face uncertain days BECAUSE HE LIVES…”
    As I think of you, I pray for you. I can’t even imagine how deeply you must be hurting. I am praying for peace and comfort and for JOY again. Little Audrey continues to bring glory to HIS name!

    God bless you!
    Amy in Texas

  • Shannon and Nathan

    A year and a half after my daughter passed, I still have dreams of her. But, they have gotten better, sweeter. I still miss her, but a necklace with her name on it when the days are rough. I do not know you, but know your pain and pray for you. God will give you peace and it will get better.

  • Anonymous

    Angie and family,
    Your story has touched so many. As a mother who lost a teenage daughter, I can understand your pain. Your daughter is with you everyday, Angie. I feel my daughters presense all the time. You and your family are in my prayers. Please take care of yourself and heal. God bless you for your courage. I have learned a lot from you. Thank you :)
    A new friend in Arizona

  • Michelle

    I have no adequate words to say. I read this post and your letter to your daughter and I could not see through the tears. I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through. Simply know that your faith is inspiring. I am praying for continued strength for you and your family. Sweet Audrey may have only been here on earth such a short time, but she has left such an amazing mark on this world. Your testimony is touching so many people. Praying for you and your family in Ohio,
    Michelle

  • Tabaitha Kaye

    Beautiful describes this post to its fullest. Praying for all of you!

  • Fran

    Bless you all Angie. May God continue to be so close to you. Keep Him near.

    Hugs and prayers~
    Fran

  • Mrs. Spice

    Bless you. You are in my prayers. God Bless you.

  • Nicole Elerson

    Angie, I believe this post had me silently crying for you and your family. My heart continues to mourn with you and rejoice as you heal. Please feel free to read my blog anytime. I think you’ll find we have a lot in common.

  • Wilbanks World

    He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
    Psalm 91:4

  • Kay B

    I have been thinking of you and lifting prayers to God on your behalf. He has blessed you with beautiful blossoms on a special day. What a thoughtful gift from your friends.

  • Alicia

    Sweet Angie,
    I have not stopped thinking about you and praying for you. I don’t know when it will be beautiful for you again but I know it will. Because that’s what He does best… beauty for ashes, redemption, restoration, re-creation. It is as certain to come as the cherry blossoms next spring. And, those of us who are praying with you already have evidence of the promise. You have become more and more beautiful before our eyes. Thank you for being willing to be raw and radiant… for offering so much of your heart to all of us. It is an amazing honor that you would trust us with your precious, fragile, personal story and allow us to be transformed too.

  • Marin

    I love Cherry Blossoms too! And what a wonderful way for God to provide for you to see the love your friends have for you and Audrey. That’s so awesome about the April 7th blossom date…wow. God works in mysterious ways.

    So glad you are back on and not spam :) But I so wish that I could be there only to hug all of you and have you feel how much you and your Audrey have meant to me even though I’m states away.

    Sending prayer and sending love…

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie, God works in mysterious ways. I do not know you but I share your pain. May God gives you the strengh you need to make it thrughout this time. Our prayers are with you and your family. Bless you. Juliana

  • Angela

    Thank you for being willing to share your journey of grief and growing with us. I cannot read a post without the tears springing to my eyes.

    My prayers for strength reach out to you and your family. I cannot imagine how it would feel to carry a child under your heart for so long, yet your arms are empty. Many hugs to you across the miles.

    Angela in St. George, UT

  • Jill

    Dear Angie,
    you and your family are on my mind constantly~ and in my prayers every day~ you have given me a clear understanding of what it truly means to Trust in the Lord at all times, and to continue to be strong in your relationship with Him, even when we are faced with horrible circumstances. I pray everyday that you will be filled with His peace as you continue to trust in Him~ even through the cloudy days~ I know in my heart even through your heartache, He will restore you and make you whole again, and fill the hole in your heart with love, joy and peace once again.

    love and prayers
    Jill

  • Anonymous

    Angie, your pain touches my heart, but your strong faith goes deeper and touches my very soul. You have my continued prayers for yourself, your husband, your family and friends — all who mourn the loss of your little Audrey. May God grant you strength in each day as you grieve your lovely little daughter.

    In Christian love,
    Dee Rasmussen from Wake Forest, NC

  • chalice

    you are on my heart and mind and in my prayers constantly. my heart truly aches for you. i am praying fervently that God’s peace, which goes beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your thoughts and emotions through Christ Jesus. much love from a sister in Christ, chalice, 17
    maryland

  • Tabitha

    I visited your blog for the first time tonight. I’m sure all that have visited have cried. I haven’t cried that hard in a long time. I’ll be praying for your family. I admire your courage and strength. You were able to find God’s peace when you needed it most.

  • Sarah

    That is an incredible story about the cherry blossoms. I love them too and actually have been thinking getting some tiny ones on a tattoo. Now I will have another precious story to think of when I see them.

    I’m truly sorry for your loss and continue to think of your family at this time.

    Sarah

  • Anonymous

    Hi Angie,

    Like so many people have already said, “The Lord doesn’t miss a beat.”

    I know what I have been through. I hear what others have been through. I see what you are going through–but NO ONE knows exactly how you feel besides Heavenly Father. Ache is just so personal. Like Paul said time and time again, take your pain and weakness to the feet of our Father. He will hold you when you need it, and He will carry you when you, yourself, cannot stand.

    Trite, but true, think back to the “Footsteps” poem. You’ve read it…..we all have. Now, just simply believe it. It’s hard to walk–so let Him carry you. If it means you cry one day and shout the next…if your girls eat cereal for dinner for the 10th night in a row–or baths fall WAY behind and their hair is messy and the house falls apart……so what. Let it be, Angie. Just let it be.

    While you are doing this thing we call mourning……KNOW that Heavenly Father will not set you back on your own two feet until your legs possess the strength to stand. KNOW that He has your little Audrey there with Him–and that we spiritual beings who are stuck being “humans” for a while…will be “there” one day too. Our time here on earth pales in comparison to the length of eternity.

    You’ll make it, tender soul. One day at a time. Whether those days are okay or horrible……you WILL make it.

    Whispering a prayer on your behalf, and with pure kindness–know that you too will be healed. Just as your sweet little angel Audrey has been.

    From the pit of my heart,
    Becky Cain

    beckycain6@comcast.net

  • Jeanine

    So beautiful. You are able to put your emotions into words so well, and my heart aches with you. I love how you allow the Lord to use such sorrow. You are an inspiration.
    Audrey is exquisitely beautiful, just like your other girls. May each day bring new healing and joy.

  • Hope

    I was directed here from Adrienne and Jim’s site. I just wanted to bless you, and pray for you the tender comforting arms of our Savior.

    When I lost many little ones (none so far along as your sweet girlie though) I felt that I was going to go crazy at times–the pain emotionally and the hormones and the many reminders . . . but underneath all the muck and quicksand, I could feel the concrete holding firm. . . . and I clung to the promise God gave me that He had a “future and hope” for me. . . Indeed, He did. He blessed our family with a chance to adopt a girlie with special needs in Russia–and two weeks after we said we would adopt her, we found out I was pregnant–and today, that little surprise is almost 3, and scaring the life out of his Mommy. We completed the adoption of his big sister when he was 3 months old. I know God’s promises of hope and a future for you may be very different, but I know He has good in store for you too . . .
    Be patient with yourself . . . grief is a process, and it’s hard work.

  • Mocha with Linda

    Precious and beautiful. Thank you for sharing even your tears and brokenness in the midst of heartbreak and not feeling like you have to keep some false spiritualized mask on. You have ministered so much to so many. My heart aches for the grief you are walking through. I pray that you will have some restful nights soon.

    Thank you for sharing Audrey with all of us.

  • Anonymous

    Psalms 145: 9 The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his works. The cherry blossoms are ever so evident of the goodness of God’s tender mercies.

  • lindsey

    You are such an amazing person and your family will constantly be in my thoughts and prayers. I dont really know how I stumbled upon your blog, but your words have touched my heart. You are such a strong and amazing person.

    Lindsey from South Carolina

  • Tracey

    I’m so glad to hear you refer to your scar the way you do.

    I had to have a classical incision c-section too. I treasure the scar as a beauty mark where my babes entered the world.

    Blessings to you sweet mama.

  • Kelly

    A very beautiful tree with such a beautiful message. My children and I pray for you every day (and I do several times throughout the day). As a mother, I know the physical healing you need and I can only imagine the emotional healing you are dealing with. Knowing God had such a hand in all of this and continues to show you this in so many ways has to be a wonderful feeling but doesn’t take the pain away or make you miss your daughter any less. Take your time to heal, rest, and cry out as often as you need to. {{{HUGS}}}

  • Anonymous

    My husband and I recently bought a house with a cherry blossom tree that hangs over a stone wall lining the driveway. I have a feeling that each time I look at that tree, I will think of you and say a prayer that God will continue to heal your heart.
    And when you don’t have the strength to walk through this, call out for Him to carry you.

  • Julie

    Beatiful and moving, truly beauty in the ashes. Still praying for you everyday.

  • Aimee

    Angie,

    Just wanted to let you know I said a special prayer today for your healing after I ran across these words in my newspaper. They made me think of all of the tears that have been shed for Audrey by you and your family, and by so many who know of her through you.

    “There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love.” ~ Washington Irving

    God Bless you today and always,
    Aimee Wade

  • Anonymous

    I have begun reading your posts and they are so healing to me. My baby boy went to be with the angels in November. I have had such a hard time, and reading your post is healing for me.
    Thank you for opening yourself up to us. Thank you for putting into words what I have wanted to.
    I will continue to pray for you. I know that my Samuel is watching out for your Audrey up in Heaven.
    God bless.

  • Valarie

    You are an amazing woman of faith and I know the Father is caring for that precious one of yours!

    I also lost a child 6 years ago and also have a 5″ scar to show for it (on the outside anyway – on this inside is MUCH bigger). There will come a time precious sister when you’ll see that scar and smile because of the mark your little Audrey left on her momma!

    Prayers are with you!
    Val

  • Dugans

    I love you guys. I really do. Your family is beautiful- and inspiring. Audrey made a huge impact on this world. Such a little tiny babe- moved so many hearts. Bless you guys.

  • Kathleen in TX

    I cannot describe how deeply your precious Audrey touched my heart. Your words have taught me so much that God wanted me to hear. I just wanted you to know that her legacy will continue strong. You and your beautiful family will be in my prayers.

  • connorcolesmom

    God has given you such an ability to write and express yourself beautifully.
    I am so profoundly touched by your story and pray for you often.
    Just last week we had a friend lose her little baby boy. It is not a coincidence that I had found your site just days before. I know that your story and God’s love will help her find peace.
    With God there is no coincidence just like your cherry blossom tree – God knew and place it on the hearts of your friends.
    HE is to be PRAISED!!
    Blessings,
    Kim

  • karamy3sons

    Angie and family,

    I am praying for you, please know that you are loved!

    Kara
    karamy3sons.blogspot.com

    I Cor. 13, Prov. 3:5-6

  • Anonymous

    I found your blog from another “Siesta’s” blog on the Beth Moore site. Your entire family is in my prayers. I pray specifically that you feel God’s grace and peace as you travel this path of grief.
    Peace in Him,
    Kim Feth in Apex, NC

  • #4 due Aug. 28, 2008

    I pray for your family every day…that you find a way to embrace Audrey daily without tears and hurt. You are the mother to 4 amazing little girls, one of whom accomplished more in her short life than most of us accomplish in a lifetime. Her amazing spirit is such a gift. I pray that you feel that grace more often than you feel her loss. Audrey’s story has touched me profoundly in ways I cannot find words for. You are a beautiful writer, Angie, and I feel Audrey’s spirit in every one of your posts…she is still with us.

  • 4 is crazy

    Angie

    What a beautiful family you have. Your 4 daughters are beautiful and precious. May God continue to hold you in the palm of his hand.

    Angi (mom of 4 daughters)

  • Holly Knowlton

    You and your family are a blessing to anyone who takes the time to read your posts. God continues to work in a mighty way. Thank you for being a vessel of truth for the world to read.
    Praying for you daily.
    Jay, Holly, Emma, and Ella Knowlton
    Gadsden, AL

  • Mark and Rebekah

    amazing. absolutely amazing!

  • LaVon Baker

    After reading this post, I was surfing a few other blogs and lo and behold, someone had published a Japanese Cherry blossom screensaver at this blog http://mobil-flower.blogspot.com/2008/04/japanese-cherry-screensaver.html
    It’s beautiful, just like Audrey, and I had to share it with you.
    Angie, thank you for your transparency. I’ve linked your blog to mine and readers have shared with me how your life and Audrey’s life has touched their hearts. To God be the glory and may you be lifted up on eagle’s wings.

  • Carol

    I am praying for you. I can’t tell you how much your story has touched me. Your family is beautiful. This was such an incredible post. I love the part about the tree. Isn’t God awesome that way? Your friends didn’t know how much you loved those trees, but He did. I am thankful for a God that knows everything about me. I will continue to lift your family in prayer.

  • CrownLaidDown

    tears…for the sweet cherry tree to remind you of someone’s thoughtful love and care for you during this season…for your hearts that ache with longing…for your dreams that say so much of what your mouth cannot.

    Thank you, Angie, for the privilege to read your words…for sharing your journey and for being exactly who you are. God bless you, sweet sister. Not a day goes by that I do not pray for you and Todd and your family.
    Love,
    holly smith

  • Michelle

    I love reading your blog, and as a mom of her own little angel all I can promise you is time heals. I am not the same person and my heart is not the same, but I have healed. I still hate when people ask how many children I have. I still hate when people tell me at least he didn’t survive with a birth defect. I still hate when people tell me it’s time to get over it. However, I know I serve a loving God who gave me that angel for a reason and I tell people that most people only dream of angels but Angie remember you and I held angels in our arms and will have them in our hearts forever..praying for you daily…the moms in the park would probably give you a hug…share Audrey whenever you feel the need!

  • Anonymous

    i have walked your path. it is a long hard road, but i know that God will hold you hand along the way and hold you up. even during the darkest of days.
    what an inspiration this is to the many mothers who have gone through this.
    prayers to you and yours.
    just an anonymous reader,
    the mother of Matthew :O)

  • Cheri

    Here I am at your blog today. I have read every word of this magnificant story while tears streamed down my face.

    God has given you grace, girl.

    I sat down to spend just a few moments on the computer when I found your story.

    I have felt like giving up…on what I am not exactly sure, I just know I have felt so thirsty lately. I feel like I have been standing here waiting for so long.

    My heart yearns for the peace you feel; for that certainty that you have that the Lord is there.

    The difference is that you seek him till you find him..where as I tend to give up.

    Thank you for showing me that he is the same ALWAYS…through every triumph and every storm. He is as close as breathing in and out.

    If we seek him we will find him.

    Please know that I will be praying for you and your family. Thank you for your total honsety-I find peace in it.

    May God continue to give you grace and mercy in the days to come!

  • A Stone Gatherer

    Isn’t it amazing! God knew even then and gave you those memories to help in your time of loss! I am speechless at his magnificence! You all will be in my prayers!

  • Heidi

    Dear Angie,
    Just wanted you to know that your feelings are so normal. It is a process and you are just so fresh out of everything. God wants us to reach out to others to lean on when we need it. I so know the feeling of wanting to tell people – Losing my son at 38 weeks was the hardest thing. But God is still god.. I love that song by Lyndal Randall “God of the Mountain” – it is so true. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aq-_zwyTeGc&feature=related

    Take care and allow yourself to feel what you need to feel. I think that was the best advice my pastor gave to me.
    Thinking of you,
    Heidi

  • Kelsey

    Thank you so much for sharing your heart. It’s encouraging to me, even though I hadn’t got a clue as to what you are feeling. But I am praying for you and your family.

  • Anonymous

    My Dear Precious Angie,

    Get behind her Devil, we KNEW your blog was not SPAM! Praise the Lord!

    What an honest, open, treasured friend you are. I cannot imagine for a minute what it feels like for you & Todd. My heart aches for you & I continue to lift you up in prayer & thanksgiving for your precious lives.

    Don’t you let ANYONE tell you that you’re grieving to much or even give you the inkling that you need to move on & get over little Audrey. Anyone that does not understand has never had to say goodbye to a child or have longing empty arms or try to convey to concerned blogger family members how they are coping with life.

    I love you no matter how bad you feel today or how great you may feel tomorrow. I’ll always love & cherish you & your family.

    Angie you are enough, Honey! Oh you are more than enough! God just had a different plan than what we all wanted. You & Todd were/are good enough. You are wonderful parents.

    You love the Lord above all else. He will bring healing to your hearts and give you peace & understanding in HIS time. It has to be a process & I’m sure that there will be days & dreams like the ones you are experiencing. But you will grow stronger because of the trials. HE still carries you through each day. He will NOT fail you….he’s always there watching, waiting & listening for you my dear friend.

    The devil sends you bad messages to make you think things. Don’t listen to the evil one. Just remind the ole devil that you are a CHILD OF THE KING of KINGS!

    I remember…I was 100 months pregnant with our first child (didn’t know it was a girl). It was now six days before my due date. We came home from the Dr. & my precious sister came walking out of my basement. I knew something was really wrong. I got out of our car & she started walking toward me holding her arms out. I just started screaming, I knew it was bad. My Precious Daddy had died in his sleep during the night. She had driven 9hrs. to tell me, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to travel to Illinois for the funeral. I thought I would die & I wanted to. Benessa was born 10 days later. My Mother & Daddy had planned to come down & spend a week with us. I felt so cheated. I remember asking my Mother “Why did GOD make me trade my Daddy for Benessa?” We had tried & tried to conceive & finally we were having a baby. I felt like I had caused my Daddy to die. My Mother being the wonderful christian that she has always been said “Oh, Honey, God didn’t trade you your Daddy for Benessa. It was just Daddy’s time.” I had a dream while pregnant about a set of twins, a boy, Benji & a girl with no name…Benessa was the name I dreamed…(Benessa comes from my Mother Bessie & my Daddy Bennie’s names).

    Sometimes, no lots of times we don’t understand why & I don’t think we are always going to understand the why of everything. I do know we just keep on putting another foot on the floor & keep looking up.

    I planted a tree for my Daddy. It is a redbud. That redbud has supplied us with many seedlings & I NEVER throw them away. I always give them away because it makes me feel like I am sharing my Daddy. I think the cherry blossom tree was a superb idea, a precious reminder as it grows so we grow stronger in our faith & trust in our Almighty God.

    The tears flowed as I read about the cherry blossom tree. THANK YOU GOD FOR MAKING April 7, 2008 one of the peak bloom days! HE DID IT AGAIN! He just keeps on giving!

    Asking God to send peace & healing with Love from Rose in Nashville.

  • toners

    Angie, my friend Lindsay directed me over to your blog after she read my own blog entry today about 13 years passing since our daughter was stillborn. I have tears streaming down my face. I wish all of you much healing and happiness. You are helping so many families by documenting your experience.

  • hislifeformine

    Bless you Angie for being bold, sharing your lives with us. I can so relate to your 1st paragraph. Being in a crowd and feeling so alone.
    Our God is faithful and He is with us always. His strength carries us. Praise Him!

  • Jennie Bender

    My dear sweet friend. So many of your days have been like mine.

    Read of Heaven, read of Heaven. We
    will go there one day. “Together” is such a beautiful word.

    One day time will be taken away and we will say, with joy and bliss, “My Lord, and my God” And he will say, “Enter into the joy of the Lord.” And then he will step aside, and there she will be– beautiful, healthy, strong, vibrant, so pleasant, so charming…everything perfect in a little girl. Won’t that be a wonderful day? I dream of it often. What a wonderful gracious and merciful God. He has been so good to me and to my children.

    Keep your eyes on Heaven. Live for eternity. The Lord is going to see you through. I am not, a friend of someone, I AM someone who has seen God come to my aid. And I say, trying to choke back my tears, “He came and He did fly on the wings of the wind.” He CAME to my aid. He has been so good.

    The day our sweet baby Elaine died was the best day we had ever had with her. It was the perfect family day. When the anniversary of that day comes in the year, oddly I am not sad. It was a good day. We sang, we laughed,we played, we folded laundry, we cleaned, we scrubbed, we wept sore for our baby who would not come to live with us, we sang “her song”, we made way for our Elaine–because she was coming–even if for just a moment. She was coming!

    When that day closed, everything in her room was ready for her–EVERYTHING. She had a place in our home. The Lord gave us that day, because, she was truly coming–THAT DAY. He gave us a good day to remember–like the Jews in Esther’s day–it became a day of joy and gladness instead of fear and weeping. He has been so good.

    So when your hearts just breaks and you weep from the soles of your feet until your stomach aches and you feel your insides are going to come out of you, remember, one day we will be together.

    “Together”–it is such a beautiful word.

    Tonight, my tears are for you. I am praying for you. God will not forget you. He will lead you through this darkness.

    I think after her death was the roughest part of my journey. Time seemed insulting to me. It took me farther away from her–even though she was eternal. I will not say it is easy. I will say, I would not have her memory erased. I love my beautiful girl. God has helped me through her life. Keep your eyes on the Lord and on Heaven in these days. He will not forget you.

    Elaine’s verses–Phil. 1
    I especially hold Phil 1:23 in my heart. It helps me everyday:

    “With Christ, which is far better…”

    Where could she be happier than–

    “With Christ–which is far better”–than with me, though tears fall when I say it. Audrey Caroline is having a good day–today.

    Love and prayers,
    Jennie Bender

    865-938-8070
    704 Whittmore Lane
    Knoxville, TN 37849

    P.S. We have since had a baby girl. She does not replace Elaine. Elaine is real to us. She is our baby.

    We named our baby,
    Darcy Ellynn (Ellen).

    Her name literally means–”Out of the darkness is light”–that God has been good, and he has and continues to bring us through.
    She is a testimony of God’s grace in our lives. He has been so good.
    Praying for you–

  • Lisa-Jo

    Hi Angie,

    I am new to your site; recently referred by a friend. And it has moved me profoundly – and as I read each of your entries I find they inspire like a devotional. They are so filled with the weight of Scripture and the ring of painful truth. Yet they resonate with hope. And reading this particular post, I have been thinking a lot about Paul’s letter to the Galations. He has a powerful ending:

    “Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.”

    It made me think of you right away. Of the scar you refer to – the tangible reminder you bear on your body of your daughter, which serves also as the potent reminder of the living role Jesus has played and is playing in your life as you live it out for so many to share.

    I hope it’s not presumptious to offer you this encouragement for any dark days – may the enemy not bother you then, for you bear on your body the marks of Audrey, by way of Jesus.

    You and Paul could both write a heck of a letter!!

    Please keep them coming!

    Lisa-Jo

    (Mother to Jackson (3 years) and Micah (9 months).