Clay

This has been a hard week.
Just six words, but they pretty much sum it up.
After crying through basically every human interaction I have had for the last several days, I realized that there was something in me that needed to be broken.  Something that I hadn’t felt completely yet.  Todd left to go on the road on Wednesday night, and I sobbed like a baby. Shaking, gasping, “why can’t you be an accountant and work 9-5?” tears.  I was not ready to be alone with my thoughts yet.  I wasn’t ready to be in charge of the kids, of the house, of anything that did not involve Kleenex.  As he left the house around 11:30 p.m., I curled up in my bed and I invited the sorrow in.  She came swiftly, deeply, consumingly.  And she whispered to me in the dark of night.
I am here to stay.

We had a rainstorm yesterday (go figure), and I made up my mind that I needed to be with my daughter for awhile.  As soon as it started to let up, I called my dad and he came to watch the kids so that I could go to the cemetery. I have wanted to go to her many times before, but I haven’t had the strength to be weak.
As I walked through the tombstones in the direction of Audrey’s grave, I started to panic.  I was alone, and the grass was wet on my toes.  What is this new life? I realized as I wandered that it all looked so different from the day she was buried.  There was no white tent.  There were no benches.  No landmark to find my child.  I wandered in and out of headstones, searching and crying.  I got myself together enough to try and remember the little map that they had given us when we chose her burial spot, and I walked in that direction.  I had taken no more than a few steps when I saw the red clay in front of me.  New earth, carving out a spot no more than a foot and a half by two feet.  
There was a brief moment where I regretted my decision.  It was too soon. The grass was still wet from the storm. 
The clay was still fresh.  
I sat down, not minding that my pants became soaked through or that someone might see me sobbing hysterically.  I sat next to her, and I cried until my bones ached and goosebumps covered my legs.  I have never in my life felt so lonely.  I remembered one of the first things that Abby said after she met Audrey.  She took a long look at her and then she asked me quietly, “Do we have to dig now, mommy?”  Just a little girl trying to understand what comes next, and here I was, touching the other side of it already.
I had brought my Bible with me, and I read her a few Psalms.  All of the ones that God directed me to were about praising the Lord with every breath.  I told Him I was pretty sure I had just missed a couple.  As I read out loud, the sound of my voice started to fill the void.  I stayed that way for about an hour, reading and praying over my baby.  I know that she isn’t really in there, it’s just that her knees are, and I would have loved to kiss them after she fell.  I need to mourn the loss of the arms that cannot wrap around me here.  Braided hair, a wedding dress, her first wiggly tooth. They are deep within the ground, never to be mine.  I needed to feel that loss, and I did.  I do.
I went upstairs to change clothes when I got home, and I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  Mascara smudged under my eyes, messy hair, wet clothes.  But that wasn’t what I saw first.  What I saw was the unmistakable patch of rust on my forehead.  Clay.  I must have gotten it on myself somehow while I sat with her.  I reached for the towel, and just as I began to wipe it away, a voice reminded me of what I know to be true.
I am here to stay.

I will permanently bear the mark of a woman who has lost her child.  There are many of us walking here…in the grocery store, at the neighborhood barbeque, at the movies.  We walk without necessarily recognizing each other, side by side and a million miles apart.  If you are one of these women, I want you to know that as I write these words, I am praying for you.  I am mourning what you have lost in this life.  I am praying that God will fill you as only He can, and that in time, you (and I) will be with our daughters and our sons again.  Know that I hurt with you tonight.
I want to include (with permission…thank you, sweet Sara) a picture of the Skaggs family, whom I referenced in my last post.  I want you to meet them and to have faces to put with the names…this is Sara, her husband Brandon, their daughter Sydney and their son Elliot.
I know how much your words have meant to me over the last months-your prayers, suggestions, and stories. If you feel so led, I would like to ask you to write to Sara.  Her email address is saraskaggs@hotmail.com.  She is a fellow believer, and a woman who appreciates the power of prayer…I just know how much your words would mean to her right now.
As you look at these pictures, I want you to notice the most amazing part of what God does for us…it is the beauty in the midst of suffering that only He can create.  
It is the mark of a woman who mourns the new earth, and yet, hopes in spite of it.  





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  • Nesha

    Dear Angela,
    I found your blog today. I heard about it on the radio here in California. My heartaches for the grief you are dealing with, but I am rejoicing with you in the hope that you still have in the power of God’s healing hands. I am a 32 yr old momma of three little ones too. I am one of those women whom you wrote about. Thank you for your selfless prayer for other women as you are managing so much right now in this cold world. Hold tight to the truth that you will be with little Audrey again in heaven one day. May God heal your heart and bring you rest.
    Nesha Crossman

  • Astraea

    He is beautiful. I remember a cemetery moment like that when my friend lost her baby to cancer. God is always there. Even in the pain.

  • Jennisa

    Thank you Angie for your words. May God surround you, hold you, and comfort you in ways which are without measure…..you are in my prayers…

  • Katie

    Beutifully Said. My dad died yesterday he was 59 if I hadn’t had spent the past few months with you and Audrey I don’t think I would be making it. Thank you

  • Big Pitt Stop

    Angie and Todd, I have just spent the last 4 and half hours with you, reading your journey and the places that God has brought you. As hard as it was to let Todd go this past week, I thank you. I was at the concert in AR on Thursday evening and was so moved by the vocal expression of worshiping our Lord. God has brought me through a personal journey myself that started on the afternoon of April 7 as well. Moments like the last 4 hours are only God led. Thank you for being transparent and for sharing your story.

    Keisha Pittman

  • Wisdom.Courage.Love

    You are amazing and Thank you. I too am one of those women you mentioned.

    God Bless

  • Anonymous

    There is another loss so deep yet in our world you are unable to grieve it. It is the loss felt when your body will never have a child at all. The hopes, dreams and desires to have and raise children ends one day. Yes, there is adoption and other ways of filling some voids yet the loss is just as deep. For all of us also, who been unable to grieve our losses maybe, just maybe walking this journey with you Angie, can help us to grieve our own loss. I thank God that you have this platform and so many can walk with you while so many of us are just out here alone. I feel your pain and wish I had a place to go grieve my loss. You are a blessing. Cindy – Phoenix

  • Debbie

    Angie,
    I am one of those mothers too. This year on my birthday sixteen years. How I ache to be planning a sweet sixteen party. This year has rocked me particularly hard and having your words to read have helped me to keep going forward. Because of your words and sweet Audrey I am back at church and finding an incredible amount of peace and strength. Thank you, both of you.
    Still praying for you.
    Debbie
    debbieh5@hotmail.com

  • Bev Clark ~ Mommy to an Angel in Heaven.

    Dear Angie, I just found your blog today. As I read, tears are falling and my heart is breaking. I lost my baby at 15 weeks gestation last Oct 07 and my due date was the 9th of April/08. I find it so hard to accept sometimes and I have to look to God everyday to help me through. Your story has touched my heart in so many ways. Audrey is a beautiful baby and she is so blessed to have a family that loved her so very much I am praying for you and your family, sarh and her family. God Bless

  • Jen

    Sweet Angie, how I wanted to sob right along with you! Your words are so beautifully and honestly writen that they bring me right to where you are… next to you. I will never (Lord willing) understand your grief, but my heart aches for you and with you.

    Thank you, also, for the beautiful picturs of Elliot and his sweet family. What big hands he has! My youngest has big hands like that. I wonder daily what he will become that requires those paws :) Elliot obviously needed his to hold all the hearts he has stolen!

    Angie, your heart for others in the midst of your own grief ministers more, I think, than if you just spoke of your own. What a testement to the strength of our Lord Christ… that while that whispering sorrow says she is there to stay, she is not the spirit that defines you.

  • Marjorie

    Angie…I’ve read many blogs but none as touching as yours. Everyday I remember your words, your pain and ,hopefully, someday your joys. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  • THE BOONE’S

    Angie~ still here… still praying for you and yours.
    I am without words to express my heart but open arms for hugs (bloggie hugs) I pray for healing and peace to come slowly but surely, the kind only our Father in heaven can give, the one who loves you completely. You were right when you said Sara’s little one was beautiful, may God pour the same amount of healing and peace into the home of the Skaggs too.
    All my heart, Robin B.

  • Thingish Things

    Dearest Angie,

    Thank you for continuing to share your story with us. My children and I pray for your family daily.

    Lauren

  • Anonymous

    I too have suffered the shocking loss of my new born baby. Your blog was so nice to read today and brought me to tears. After four years, I love going to visit my daughter at the cemetery. I still sob sometimes but I mostly at peace and enjoy my time there w/ her. The sad thing is the new baby headstones that are there each time I go. There are just SO many of us that have gone though this and my heataches aches for them bc I do know the terrible pain. Hope you are doing ok!

  • Mackenzie’s Forever Family

    You continue to amaze me with how you weave your words together. Each post I read brings me more understanding as to why we suffer the losses we do.

    You are right, we will always be “…a woman who has lost her child.” It’s part of what makes us who we are. And I beleive that who YOU are today Angie is exactly who God wants you to be. Pain, anger, sorrow…all of it. He will heal this hurt even though it’s unimaginable. But you know that…He’s capable of everything.

    My heart aches for you as I remember feeling like I wasn’t strong enough to be weak. I found it came in waves, still does…and the guilt sets in when I would realize I was laughing and smiling and enjoying life. I would stop and have to tell someone my story so as my child would not be forgotten. She never will of course.

    My prayers are with your family and Sara’s family.

    Megan

  • JanMary

    Thank you for sharing your pain so honestly and openly. I pray God will continue to hold your whole family close in the palm of His Hand, knowing that He is holding Audrey too.

    I have a close friend who lost her son a few years ago, and I plan to share the link to your blog.

    Thanks.

  • Francine

    Dear Angie,
    Your thoughts are so beautifully written and strong they rock me to my core. As i have said before I have not had that wonderful chance to have a baby yet but I know in time it will come. I have been going through a transformation of my own and you through all of this have given me wisdom that only God could give through the heart of his humble servant. God bless you for you willingness to love and serve him. You truly are a amazing woman. My sister lost a baby several years ago and not more than ever I see how important it is to always carry “sweet jonathan” with us and never forget. Right now those sweet little ones are heaven looking down and blowing kisses to all of us. YOu are truly a remarkable woman. May you continue to lean on God and know you are surrounded in love and prayers by the millions you have touched.
    hugs,
    Francine Howell

  • kris

    It’s 7:30 AM. Outside, there is the gentleness of birds singing. I haven’t slept much, and I’ve been racked in a different kind of grief, with different losses. And I come here and read your daughter’s profound question, “are we going to have to dig”, and I’m saying to myself, with you, yes- deeper, and deeper, to get in it, and through it.

    I am on my way, soon, to church. I will lay my burdens at the altar of God, and with them, my next rush of prayers for you.

  • Jessica

    Thank you, Angie, for creating a forum for those of us with a child in heaven to reach out to others going through the same thing. Thank you for sharing, and showing us God’s amazing power. My prayers continue to be with you, Todd, and your precious girls.

  • Michele

    I am praying for you, your sweet baby, and your family who mourns. I lost my daughter in October 2007 at 37 wks after a poor prenatal diagnosis, and I can relate all too well. I hate to think that others have to go through this. May God grant you peace during this dark time.

    Michele
    http://myobaby.blogspot.com

  • Mandy

    Praying for you too. Thank you for sharing sweet Elliot and his family. It is comforting to have others who are going through this heartache each day like me. Just knowing someone else understands. Your words are so true….I am here to stay.

    Love,
    Mandy
    GA
    http://www.madelinegracehopkins.blogspot.com

  • Susan

    Angela.
    I have no words.
    Blessings.
    Susan

  • Amy

    Your words are beautiful and the peace in the midst of the terrible storm that you are sharing is a witness to so many. Myself included. “The strength to be weak”… what a beautifully worded phrase. I am glad that you have crossed that bridge now. And while I know that it was torturous, you have taken one more step on this path called grief. That is a success. I will continue to pray for you as your journey continues.

    Thank you for sharing about Sara. I have been praying for her too. Her family is beautiful!

  • ~~ Hollie Lisk~~

    Your sharing and your words…allow us to be with you through this…we all have clay on our faces with you!!

    You are not alone.

    At least one thing us gals know about clay…is it makes a good facial mask….renewing our skin…helping to soften the wrinkles.

    Love you,

    Hollie
    NLR,AR

  • Georgia’s blog

    I found your blog yesterday. I have not had the strength nor the courage to read it throughyet. You see we buried our 15 year old daughter on Fri… It was tragic because she chose to end her own life. No clue where it came from, no signs, nothing other than she was done. We are still a huge range of emotions and at this point putting one foot in front of the other. We have been surrounded by family, church family and our local community. There were almost 1000 at her service. It was amazing, an amazing time of worship and honoring our dear sweet Rachel. I will finish rading your blog as I gain strength and courage and hope and pray that I may be able toblog our experience in the same way someday. We are comforted knowing that because she had a personal relationship with HIM that she is rejoicing at His feet. Again, Thank you and God bless!

  • kristy mae

    I continue to pray for you and your family. I will do the same for Sarah and hers. I have not experienced the loss of a child and it is my hope that I can shoulder even just a bit of the grief and pain, to keep it from you.
    kristy in AR

  • Stacey

    Thank you for sharing your story so openly. I believe God uses our pain to touch others in ways we cannot do ourselves. I am also on this journey of loss and grief. My nine year old daughter left this earth two and a half years ago and I still feel the pain just as much today. I am thankful that it stays with me because it keeps me in touch with her and it reminds me that she is waiting for me. It has changed me and it is such a blessing when I find others who are traveling this road with me. God bless.

  • Lauren

    Angie,
    Thank you for continuing to share your journey with us. I too am one of those mothers, though there is no grave for me to visit and pray over my child. I miss them every day, but I find peace in your words. You are such a gifted writer!
    I’m continuing to prayer for your family as well as Sara’s family. May God be with us all.

    Lauren

  • Tricia

    No words.

    Just prayers
    and
    prayers
    and
    more
    prayers.

  • Tricia

    P.S. Thank you so much for sharing the precious pictures of Sarah & her family….

    ♥ Tricia

  • Erika

    Angie, I am praying for you all the time. I will add Sara to my prayer list too. What a beautiful little boy she has. You are both amazing women.
    *hugs & prayers*
    -Erika

  • iheartchocolate

    I just wanted to tell you that I read your post and cried with you.

  • Michele Stewart

    This blog latest blog was so symbolic I think. It is so amazing how God leads us to what we must do. What we must grive and deal with despite our efforts. I have been here in this dark valley adn I can say that in time it does fade- the intense pain and heartache. My prayers are with the Smith family as they have been since I found the blog April 9.
    God Bless
    Michele Stewart- Mstewart222@yahoo.com
    Another marked Mom with clay

  • Leanne

    I’m also one of those women who you wrote about, side by side yet a million miles apart.

    I remember cemetery moments like that after we buried our Janie. I remember actually wanting to get into the ground with her….a scary moment.

    I want you to know that yes, sorrow is here to stay. It does become the fabric of your life and it is becomes who you are now……

    But sorrow does come softly and more gently, most days. I’m four years into this walk, and most days I’m me….

    But there are lots of days I’m that person you wrote about, wanting to cry till my bones hurt and my legs have goose bumps.

    I’m praying for you here in WA state.

    Leanne in Longview

  • Leanne

    PS: I’m going to email Sara today.

    I want to establish a link with her….

    And not be a million miles apart.

    Elliot is simply beautiful.

    He looks so peaceful.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Leanne in Longview

  • A Stone Gatherer

    Praying you through! Thank you for sharing your grief with us!

  • Jodie R.

    I can’t even begin to imagine, Angie. I will continue to pray, my children pray for you and your girls, too. I don’t know what else I can say, other than another sister in Christ loves you, hurts for you, and is praying for you!

  • Anonymous

    i am the 17 year old that wrote to you an email the other day.
    i think with your strength and courage, you remind us of what a proverbs 31 woman looks like.
    thank you for your blog.

  • Anonymous

    I don’t know what to say, but my prayers are with you. Elliot is so beautiful. What precious gifts.

    M.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    You have been on my mind & held close to my heart this whole past week. I knew that Todd started his tour on Wednesday. I was concerned about you & did the only thing I knew to do…ask God to pick you up & carry you through these past & upcoming days.

    It was a relief to see you had posted this morning, I knew that you were doing some “healing writing”. You just have no idea how inspiring you are to others. You pick us up & give us the strength to carry on.

    Just remember that “HE is also here to stay!” HE went with you to the cemetary, Angie. HE never left you there all alone. HE sat with you quietly to make sure you would be o.k.

    The song “Spirit of the Living God” comes to my mind….”spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me…..mold me, make me, use me, fill me….spirit of the living God, fall fresh on me.” HE is molding you, Angie. HE is using the clay from Audrey’s grave to mold you into the strongest, most obedient witness for HIM. HE loves you more than we could ever imagine. Don’t you know HE had tears on his face while HE sat quietly with you. If we could only see, I’m sure HE also had clay on HIS forehead because HE loves Audrey so very much.

    You are amazing…you took your Bible & read to Audrey. I know that HE was so proud to hear you reading HIS words to Audrey. I’m sure that someone reading your blog was drawn a little closer to our God just reading about your experience.

    I have never lost a child to death, but my heart aches for every Mother who has. My prayers will continue to be uplifted to those Mothers.

    I’ve been praying for Sara, Elliot’s Mother & her family. Again, I’m thankful that God blessed you both with each other. I will continue to hold them up in my prayers. Elliot was a beautiful baby. Heaven must have needed a baby basketball player.

    Angie I think about you constantly & just continue to pray for you & your family. One of my prayers is for Abby, Ellie & Katie as they go through this process also. You are an amazing, strong woman, Angie. You have the ability to reach out & touch people without any intention of getting glory from doing so. You have a purpose dear one & I’m sure God has you right on target.

    Thanking God for you & praying for another day to glorify HIM……Love & Hugs from Rose in Nashville. basket4@comcast.net

  • Branna

    Angela,
    I just wanted to stop and say that I am praying for you and your family.
    I’ve been reading your blog for a few days and I am blessed that God has given you this vehicle to communicate with in order to demonstrate what true faith and belief looks like. I’m amazed at the struggles we all face in our everyday lives – and now, because of you and Audrey Caroline, we can put words to our pain.
    Thank you and may the Lord bless you and your famiy, as well as all the other families touched by and identifying with your sorrow.
    Branna

  • Julie

    I found your blog through a friend of mine. I was praying for you especially on Friday. I heard that Selah was going to be in Houston, where I live and I knew that your husband had left. Your story has touched my heart and soul in a way I never knew it could be. As a mother of two little ones, I cannot imagine going through what you have gone through. You are in my prayers daily. Audrey has changed my life. May God bring you peace and rest in your own time.

  • Mel’s World

    Your openness, transparency, and eloqunet words have touched millions.

    I know that this was never your goal, and to God be ALL the Glory, but I just wanted to take a minute to THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart for sharing your love story with each and every one of us.

    Your family will be in our prayers…thanks for allowing God to use you through all of this.

    Melissa Mashburn

  • Jenna

    Praying for you!

  • Anna Grace`s Jie Jie

    I will be praying for you and Sara’s family.

  • Sandi

    Angie,
    I walk side by side with you, for Audrey and for a child I’ll hold for the first time in heaven, now 15 years old. In hurting alongside you, I’ve yearned all over for my son or daughter, who would love his/her older brother’s two little daughters so much. It has been a sweet pain, curiously, a tangibl reminder of my child’s very real existence and life.

    I can offer no words of wisdom, but that He is good, even when that statement is a true leap of faith. You are loved, as well as your husband and four lovely daughters.

  • Jill

    Angie -
    I, too, am one of those mothers. Our son would have been nine last week. Each time I read a new post of yours I am touched by your willingness to share the raw emotion and truth of grief and of how God can use it in our lives. Thanks again for sharing, and know that I am praying that God would heal your heart as He alone can do.
    Thinking of you today -
    Jill

  • KELLY

    What a hard day to sit at the feet of your daughter and process every emotion. Praying for you!

  • Tabitha

    Dear Angie,
    My heart is with you, as are many many prayers.
    Warmest wishes,
    Tabitha X

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie,
    I have nothing of comfort to say but I couldn’t read through your blog without feeling that I should remind you of all of us who are praying for your family and for Sara and her family.
    Thank you again for being so willing to share your journey.. I will not stop praying.
    Sue

  • Kristi

    I am so sorry. So very, very sorry. For you, and for Sara, and the tremendous, heartwrenching loss you are dealing with. I don’t understand it, I don’t understand why mommas lose their babies. I don’t understand why God lets something this horrific happen to us. But He is God and someday you will see your baby again. Someday this will all be over. There can be no greater pain for a woman on this earth than to lose a child. I am so sorry.

  • Reason to Rejoice!

    Again….so moving. I just read your blogs and am speechless most of the time. I can’t exactly relate to your loss because I haven’t ever lost a child but I have had so many friends who I have grieved the loss of a newborn, loss of a pregnancy, loss through infertility. God has given me such a burden for infant loss…especially lately. My heart hurts for you. Thank you so much for being transparent and sharing your heart. I know that it helps others who are dealing or have dealt with similar issues. Oh, by the way, accountants don’t work 9-5 either!!! =)

  • stapes

    Just want you to know I’m still praying for you. I sent you an e-mail to the address on your blog about your friend Sara. I’m praying for her too.

    Taylor

  • Lisa

    Angie – I have enjoyed reading your blog and feel like I know you and your family well. You are an amazingly strong women and I appreciate the “ride” on your journey. I wish it could have ended differently, but sweet Audrey is with our Father now – at peace. Stay strong and keep writing as I feel close to the Lord thanks to you and your amazing gift with words. I am praying for each of you.

  • Sheryl

    Dear Angela,

    No matter what the loss, we do need to “go there” and really mourn. I am struck that it was clay. Reminding me of being in the potter’s hands. He is still molding you, still molding me, each one of us who will let Him. That process in His hands can be painful but they are hands filled with love.

    I cry with you today. You are an amazing inspiration. Many will come to know Jesus because of your family and your Audrey.

    Thanks for continuing to share with strangers.

    Sheryl

  • Laura

    Angie,

    Such powerful words….it does take so much strength to be weak! So hard to engage it all when there are other sweet girls who need so much from you. You are so brave to see the moments that you can just go and be. The times I have spent at my Pearl’s grave at the cemetary have been some of the hardest but also some of the most powerful. I am still praying for you…grace to cover each breath you take.

  • Anonymous

    I have continued to read your blog because it is truly healing to me. I am a woman who lost her son – her first child – and as the 6 month mark of his passing gets closer the pain is just as fresh. I got lost the first time I went to sit with Samuel at his gravesite, and I felt like the worst mother. What kind of mother can’t find her baby? As my first Mother’s Day draws near, my plans for the day are to sit with my baby at his grave. I guess this is my “new normal”. Our lives are forever changed and we forever share a bond that I wouldn’t wish upon my worst enemy. God will hold us up and carry us when we cannot carry ourselves.
    May God bless you, Angie. I hope you find strength in the days to come.
    Sara, Kentucky

  • The Evans Family

    Thank you for sharing Sara and her family with us. I often wondered, when I struggled with infertility, if it was worst not being able to get pregnant or getting pregnant and losing the baby. I realize now that neither is worst, the grief is just different. I understand the tears, the railing at God and the feeling that it is just too hard. My prayers continue to be with you, and now Sara. Tina Evans

  • Jessica

    I too am one of ‘those’ women. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers even as you are in pain…
    the image of you at the cemtary, clay and tears, breaks my heart.
    praying for you too.
    Jessica

  • Cammie

    Dear Angie
    I look so forward to reading your blogs. The way you have shared your life with all of us is just a true testiment of what God has done with you and your family. I pray for you daily and will continue praying for you and your family. Thank you and may God continue to bless you and heal you.

  • Kelly

    Sweet Angie:
    Thank you for sharing with us that you are wallowing in your grief. I imagine it’s hard to get the strength to do the ordinary things every day – fix breakfast, dress your girls, go grocery shopping. I would imagine you want to tell everyone you see – the checker at Wal-Mart – “my baby just died”. I would.
    I’m so sad to read all the other women who have left you comments who have also lost children. It’s just not fair.
    I’m glad you read Psalms. That is where I go whenever I’m sad or afraid or just need comfort.
    I’m thinking of you this Mother’s Day. I know it will be a very hard day to know that your family is not complete. But it will be made complete one day as you all have a reunion in heaven!

  • Corey Re’

    Another day has passed, and we have not forgotten you, or your family. We are still praying, for you, and other families that also have lost children..for I know nothing compares with the pain.

    Our Lord is strong when we are weak, and knows all, sees, all and commands all that is in the world.

    Jesus weeps with us. May we cling tight to the one who NEVER EVER lets us go.

  • His_Princess2008

    I am still praying for you. Please keep writing. I know it’s prob. hard but I look forward to your blogs everyday. I refresh the page at least 10 times a day. I listen to your song and look at the pictures. I just want you to know that I am blessed by you and your family. I just love those lil girls!! They are soo cute and sweet. I want to meet ya’ll so bad. Maybe one day. Just know you are being lifted up every chance I get. Also Sarah and her family are just BEAUTIFUL!! I am praying for her as well. I will send her a message when I get a chance. Thanks for sharing that with us. Anyways, I will check back later!
    ~Dani
    gods_child_123@msn.com

  • Anonymous

    ((((Angie))) praying for you…and Sara as well.

    Krista

  • angiec

    Dear Angie,
    I found your blog yesterday and you caught me on a “bad” day. I sobbed with you as your told your story, and essentially my very own. I was amazed at how your struggles hit so close to home, as I am also one of those women. From the letter your wrote your daughter to your anger intially felt at nothing being “wrong” down to your first cemetary visit, I related to every word. This summer my daughter Makayla would have turned 9 and there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel her presence. Thank you for taking the time to put into words so beautifully what many of us have felt for years.
    Angie C.

  • Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com)

    Sweet Angie,
    I am praying for you and Sarah. I am sorry, just so sorry.
    I have thought many times how I wish we could wear a mark that everyone could see, that tells them of our baby and our loss and that she was and still is real to us, a huge part of our family.
    With love in Christ,
    Kim

  • Michelle

    you continue to touch my soul and I continue to see God in your post…thank you for sharing your broken heart

  • Becky

    I often think of clay. “Just to be clay in the Potter’s hand”. An artist that works with clay is usually stress free because it takes a lot of kneeding to be usable. One day my daughter made a pot and brought it home and her boyfriend sat on it. Because that clay was still soft, she could remold it into the shape she wanted it to be. So we are. Once the clay is ‘fired’ it becomes hard and no longer able to be molded. Your words tell me that you are a ‘soft’ woman, one whom the Master Potter is molding. As He molds you, He is using you to share your life with us – your griefs, hurts, and thoughts. Thank you for allowing Him to use you even as you mourn the loss of little Audrey. I am praying for you Angie….

  • Honea Household

    Loving you and praying for you deeply.

  • Carlton and Aimee Weathers

    Angie,
    Once again, your words are so well said. I cry as I read them because I have felt the same emotions and still do. Thank you for sharing your heart.
    Somehow, by God’s grace, He will use our trials to comfort others. And He will carry us when we feel like we can’t get that deep breath or that feeling of “normalcy” that we so crave. I am praying for you. You are not alone.

    Aimee

    http://www.weathersfamily2007.blogspot.com

  • queenie76

    Angie,
    I just wanted to let you know that I think of you guys often just wondeirng how your doing. I think that going to have a chat with God and with Audrey is probably onde of the best things you could have done, just for some “grief relief” I sent you a card in the mail, I am sur eyou have received thousans of emails,cards and so on, but it’s just that God has brought all these people in your path to allow to overcome. I’m sure Audrey and Elliot are in heaven playing together on the playground.
    Have a good week!
    Tara , Nashville

  • Anonymous

    I have a friend marked by that same clay… still fresh, only 7 months ago. I have shared your blog with her. You, also, are in my prayers.

  • Joy

    My husband is a minister and sometimes I wish he worked 9-5 as well. But in the midst of anguish and suffering, that I do not understand and won’t pretend to understand. Know that my heart grieves with you!

    In ancient times when one was in mourning they would rip their garments and cover their head in dirt/ash. Your description of your appearance reminded me of that.

    God has a plan, a greater plan than we know. There are atheists I’ve met on blogs who’ve lost their babies and I’ve referred them to your site. Please know that you could possibly be ministering to some very troubled and sorrowful souls.

    The fact you even do minister to women in the midst of your grief is so pure and beautiful. I know you may not FEEL that way, but you are. God is pleased with your heart.

  • Amanda

    Thank you for sharing the beautiful pictures of Sara’s family!

    You are an amazing and inspire me :)

  • Anonymous

    There is an organization called “Compassionate Friends” here on the East Coast and maybe nationwide, I am not sure. Many who have lost children have found it helpful. It is organized as support groups for the most part. As so many have found support here, I thought it might be helpful. Take good care Angie and everyone who comments here. -Dale (social worker in Maryland)

  • Sarah

    Dear Angela,
    I am a nurse and work in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. I found your blog through my friends blog. The other night I was reading your story and crying with you before work. Your story touched me so much!! It is amazing what God did in your life and in your heart. I thought of you and your story that night when I was at work. A family came in and delivered a full term baby girl that had passed away. My heart grieves for each family that looses their child with all their hopes and dreams. Each little one that is only here for a short while really does make a difference, not just in that family but in all those that see them and care for them. I pray that God will shower you with tons of peace and use you to minister and bless so many moms with empty arms.

  • Journey To Our China Doll

    Thank you for sharing your story. You are being lifted up in prayer! “Reach down your hand from on high; deliver me and rescue me,” psalm 144:7- May the Lord on High rescue you during this time.

  • Marla Taviano

    Praying for you, Angie. And for Sara. And the daddies and big sisters.

    I’m so sorry.

  • Liz

    Thank you Angie for continuing to share your heart. Your words are so beautiful and have touched me so much. I can’t imagine the path that you are walking right now. I wish there was something I could say to take your pain away…but I know that I cannot…so I am still here praying…praying for God’s comort and peace and healing for your family.

    Thank you for sharing Sara’s story. They will also be in my prayers.

    A sister in Christ,
    Elizabeth

  • Emily

    “I know that she isn’t really in there, it’s just that her knees are, and I would have loved to kiss them after she fell.”

    This is where I lost it. I do pretty well, ten months out from standing where you stand now, at staying strong and keeping it all together, whatever that means, most of the time. But it all came pouring out of me when I read those words. Yes, yes, yes, sweet sister.

    Oh, how I ache for you and for me and for every empty armed mother like us tonight. May the God, the very God who knows the ache of losing His child, hold us tightly to His chest tonight.

  • Chrissy

    I am one of those women. I pray for you as you pray for me. I came here between Audrey’s life and death…meaning I came to view your blog the day, hour after Audrey was born and after reading thru your story, as far back as I could go, I then refreshed and Audrey had gone Home. I cried with you and for you. I feel and live your same pain. Your words are all that I feel and yet sometimes cannot say. Thank you for sharing!

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie, I found your blog last week. As I read, I cry and my heart is breaking. I lost my two babies last year. First baby due date was the 1th of Oct/07 and second baby due date will be 11th of Aug/08. In same time my husband and I start adoption in beginning 2006 and still waiting bring home baby girl born in China. I find it so hard to accept sometimes and I have to look to God everyday to help me through. Your story has touched my heart in so many ways. Audrey is a beautiful baby and she is so blessed to have a family that loved her so very much I am praying for you and your family, Sarah and her family. Sorry for my English this is my second language. Wish I can give you hug and talk to you on phone. Please be strong this is what little Audrey would like to see and enjoy the life with your three girls and husband. If you like to talk I am here for you, let me know.
    Hugs and kisses from Germany.
    Dada A.

  • Vikki

    I have never lost a child, but I am the wife of a drug addict. He is now clean, sober, and working for Jesus.

    15 years of suffering through the chaos and turmoil that was my life have left permanent scars and your words speak to my heart in a way you cannot imagine. Just as I cannot imagine the suffering you are enduring. It is so very different yet the process of healing so much the same.

    I hear those words… I am here to stay… echo in my heart, but now, 2.5yrs into our journey of healing the pain is no longer debilitating. I am now able to use my experiences, my pain, to reach others for Jesus.

    Thank you for sharing this with all of us

    For over a week now, I open your blog at work every morning and listen to the music over and over.

  • Anonymous

    As another commentsaid that others are greiveing with you in their own losses. It helps. I am 34 and I have 3 adopted children. Due to a genentic disorder of the nerves I was advised not to have children because the diorder can and most often does get worse as it is passed on. I grieve and empty womb that will never bare a child. God knows. I tell him all the time about how unfair it is.

    I also go to the cemetary even after 4 1/2 years and just cry and talk with grandpa. He was my picture of Jesus to follow here on Earth. So goldy, and giving. Need to cry again got to go!

  • Megan L Hutchings

    Sweet Angie ~ you have such truth in your blog and I thank you for that. I cannot begin to imagine the strength it took to go to the cemetary alone…you AMAZE me!

    Thank you for helping us all believe in the power of prayer!

  • Danna

    Angie,

    I remember the first time i ventured to the cemetary alone. My husband wasn’t there to hold me up. I sat there staring at the headstone and the fresh earth and i remember just sobbing. uncontrollable sobbing. Now, when I go visit my son, it is still hard, but the emotions are more controlled (for lack of a better word). This is a hard path to walk. remember though you are never alone. I was diagnosed with cancer last year. As we were telling people they asked me how did i think I would handle it. My reply was “I have already survived the worst thing someone can face, i buried my son. Cancer will be a walk in the park.” And it has been. Dealing with chemotherapy and scans and boodwork and more tests, that was nothing compared to the pain and agony of losing my beloved Ethan.
    I pray for strength for you. I pray for peace for you. I pray for gentle days of mourning your beloved Audrey. Please know you are never alone.

    Danna

  • boltefamily

    Thank you for your honesty. This weekend marked two months since my son’s burial and I have yet to return to the cemetary. I just cannot bring myself to do it. I have lost two of my four little boys and some days the grief is unbearable! Thanks to your blog and others like it I feel much less alone.

  • Q’s NEWS

    Angela, I wish there was something I could do to comfort you. I cannot fathom what you have been and are going through. My husband works out of town probably 3/4 of the year (or more) and I totally understand that feeling you had when Todd had to leave. Of course, things we have had to deal with are not near the magnitude of what you and your friend, Sara are going through but I understand that “out of town thing” so well.

    You have represented your faith in an outstanding manner. It shines through even in your darkest times. We all love you and your family so much even though we will probably never meet face to face. I hope you can feel everyone’s love surrounding you.

    Even though I am probably at least 20 years older than you, when I grow up, I want to be just like you! You are wonderful!

    Love from WV,
    Susan

    ps. your friend Sara, and her beautiful family will be in my thoughts and prayers, too.

  • Laura

    Angie,
    I’m weeping for you and praying for you.
    Love,
    Laura

  • Erin

    Angie,
    I was linked to your blog through a friend on a grief support site. I read the entire thing last Thursday and wept with you and for you! I, too, am one of those moms you wrote about. So many times over the 10 months since we lost our sweet Jaxon I have wanted to scream out(usually in a public place) that I lost my baby and my heart is broken. I am so sorry for your loss! This pain is intense and has the abillity to shake you so to your core. I LOVE your “Audrey song!” HE does carry us and that is the hope and peace that we have through ALL of this heartache! Thank you for writing and sharing that song – I am so broken and unsettled about Mother’s Day and that song is the most perfect song for me!!!!! I will most likely listen to it all day – I cry – but it still brings me peace!!! Thank you for being so open and sharing your journey – you write beautifully and I hope that some day you will write a book about all of this! I am praying for you and your family!!!!
    ~Erin Wood

    PS – you are a BEAUTIFUL family and Audrey only adds to that beauty!

  • rachelpage

    I just found your blog last week, and I am completely humbled by the grace that God has given you and your family in this unimaginable season. Thank you for living your story before the world with such transparency. I pray that God would bind your broken heart.

    Psalm 84:5-7

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    I’ve started to post a comment many times, but just haven’t had the words. I do just want to say that I’m still here reading and praying. I wish that there was something that I could do to just make the pain go away, but please know that I am lifting you and your family to the Lord.
    I was watching the video of you and Todd from CrossPoint. Todd is right…you are leaving such a legacy for your girls. They are going to see how their mom walked through such pain trusting in the Lord and still praising Him despite her heartache. I think you are an amazing mom. It’s no wonder why God chose you to be Audrey’s mom. He knew you would still bless His name and her life and your sharing of her story are changing hearts and lives. I’m sure He’ll say “WELL DONE!” :)

    God bless you friend!
    Amy
    amy@philippians121.com

  • Paige

    I was directed to your blog today and have spent the past hour and a half reading the history of your family and Audrey’s journey. I’m at a loss for words. I was moved to tears by the pictures, words and emotions you so bravely shared with the world. Your story is unfathomable, but your faith is inspiring. How awesome is our God to allow such pain, but to create such peace for you and glory for Himself. To see how many people Audrey’s story has touched, how many people have drawn closer to Jesus, inspired by her life and your faith. Praise God indeed.

  • Overwhelmed!

    How powerfully your words come across to us. I’m sorry for your grief but inspired by your unshakeable faith.

    You remain in my prayers.

  • Angela

    Thank you for your strength I lost my son at 34 weeks 3 days, in Feb of ’08′. Im still finding my way through the rain at times and have trouble. But since I found your blog through a loss site I belong to I come daily to see if there is anything new.
    Your daughter was beautiful thank you for sharing her with us, as well as your inner feelings.

    Angela
    Colorado

  • Sun

    Praying for you sweet girl! Sunshine

  • Sarah

    I read Matthew 7:25 this morning and God brought you to my mind.

    “And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the Rock.”

    Praying for you today.

  • Candes

    Here I am, once again, reading this update at work infront of my glass wall. Will I ever learn?

    I read because it helps me reconnect my baby girl that I lost. Thank you.

    It was nice to meet Elliot and his family. I will certainly be sending them a word of encouragement.

  • amiller

    Angela,

    I have read your blog several times in the past week.. Your words are beautiful and everytime I read them I am deeply moved. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I am amazed at you love for our saviour and confident that he is wrapping him arms around you. Thank you for sharing your story with us, I will be forever changed by your story.

  • Creekermom

    Angie,
    I too lost 2 babies back to back
    ^V^ 6/01 and ^V^ 1/02

    Check out the song I Wish You Were Here by Mark Harris (formally of 4Him)
    Also know that there is a national day of remembrance for those of us who have lost our babies..
    Remembering Our Babies Day
    October15th.com

    Your honesty allows all of us who connect through our loss to be able to share our stories and our faith.

    No one knows what it feels like unless they too have lost a child.

    Just know that Audrey is sitting at Jesus’ feet and that she is dancing with the angels on the streets of gold.

    Keeping you and your family in prayer for wisdom, guidance and strength.

    In Him,
    Valerie~

  • Anonymous

    I couldn’t help but think while reading, that although you ache with an ache so deep for the child you lost, as you were reading Psalms of Praise to her, she already has been in the arms of her Lord and has KNOWN nothing but praise! That is her full time occupation, praising the Savior! She must have been saying, “Yes, Mommy!! Just wait until you really SEE!!”

    I am continuing to pray for you, (((Angie)))!
    Cheryl

  • Andrea

    Yet another entry written by you that makes me weep and pray! Your burden has been so heavy on my heart. I’m praying for you and Sara (and your families). Please be encouraged today!

    I wrote a post last week about Surviving in Christ (which was inspired by loss and personal challenge). If you feel led to read it, please see it here
    . God has made you His survivor on Earth – to tell the story of Audrey and Elliot. I praise him for that!! I know many souls will be won because of the surviving and living you will do here on this earth in honor of your angel babies!

    Hugs & Prayers!! :-)

  • Carrie

    My husband and I are on vacation in Canada right now. We live in Arizona where there is not a lot of beauty and a TON of dirt. One thing I have seen lots of here … the blossoms of the cherry tree! I have seen hundreds of trees in bloom. Each time, I am reminded of the tree in your front yard and have felt God’s nudging to pray for you, Audrey and your family. I will be praying for Sara and her family as well. There are many moms who have walked his path of sorrow and PRAISE God that we can support each in prayer.

  • Pam

    Hi Angie.My heart aches for you, but I hear the love for Jesus in your words. I would love to give you a great big hug and be there to hold your hand when you need a friend. Bless you for praying for the mothers around the world suffering like you are. Praying for you.

  • Sarah

    You are marked, yes even scared, as all of us are who have lost children (two miscarriages for me). But I like to think of these marks like stretch marks. Perhaps you’ve been spared those blessed little lines on your tummy, but to me, they are a reminder of the blessing of carrying life within my womb, for however long or short that has been. And more metaphorically, they mark the stretching of my heart and soul, the way my children have challenged changed, and shaped me. I am so glad you’ve been able to do some releasing and crying lately, it can be so healing in and of itself. These growing pains aren’t fun, but you will grow through them sister, you will, you will!
    Love, Sarah

  • Catherine Arnsperger

    Angie -

    I have been there, right where you are right now. Thank you for sharing your story.

    The verse I have clung to during the throes of my grief was Job 1:21 – “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

    Sometimes all I could say to God was, “You are God and I am not.” And then rest in that because I didn’t understand HOW He would use all of the loss and pain for His glory, only understanding that He WOULD.

    Take comfort in the fact that Audrey’s little life is already glorifying Him and that this blog is another way He is being glorified.

    Catherine Arnsperger

  • Catherine Arnsperger

    Angie -

    I have been there, right where you are right now. Thank you for sharing your story.

    The verse I have clung to during the throes of my grief was Job 1:21 – “Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

    Sometimes all I could say to God was, “You are God and I am not.” And then rest in that because I didn’t understand HOW He would use all of the loss and pain for His glory, only understanding that He WOULD.

    Take comfort in the fact that Audrey’s little life is already glorifying Him and that this blog is another way He is being glorified.

    Catherine Arnsperger
    http://www.thearnspergers.com

  • Jennifer L. Griffith

    What a beautiful post and gorgeous little boy. I instantly got the vision of Audrey and Elliot playing together in Heaven, all under the watchful eye of the Lord.

    Hold fast, my sister in Christ. The reunion will be great.

  • Amy W

    Angie,
    I have read your blog since just about a week before Audrey was born. Your story tugs at my heart and your posts make me cry. But you inspire me and I visit your blog often when I need encouragement in my own life. I admire your strength and I wish I could hug you when it just gets too hard to bear. You have inspired me with your faith. I pray for you and your whole family, thank you for sharing your life with us.
    Amy Winkle

  • Sarah Jones

    Hello Angie,

    I sent you an e-mail a few days ago, just for reference of who I am. I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a hard week. I have been praying for you and will continue to pray. I hope that God wraps his arms around you and holds you while you go through this time.

    Sarah Jones
    Battle Ground Washington

  • Nancy

    Yes, I’m in this club with you, for 28 years now.. the clay is gone, the grass has grown and the once white lamb on the tombstone is now a weathered gray color. It will get easier… I PROMISE- but it will never completely go away. My prayers continue.

  • kelly

    Angie,
    I have been reading your blog for a while now, it has touched me in so many ways. I am also a mother to an ANGEL in heaven. My Kenley would have turned 8 on April 26. Not a day goes by that I don’t yearn for just one more day with him, but, I know one day I will see him again. I will continue to pray for you and your family. Praise Him in the storm for he is worthy. God is good all the time.

    your friend in Christ
    Kelly Evans

  • jessicaw

    Thank you for sharing your story and your beautiful family with us. I was in AR Thursday night. Todd and the other singers blessed me so. I can imagine how hard it must be to see him go, especially in a time like this. You are in my prayers, as is the Skaggs family.

  • Terroni

    I am sorry that this has been a hard week. I will keep praying for you…right now, at 12:40 am on Tuesday, for rest, peaceful sleep.

  • Julie

    I shared your blog today with my friend Tammy whose daughter Elizabeth passed away at 20 weeks in March. I hope it brings healing to her to hear your words. Thank you for the pictures of Elliot, he is beautiful too! I am praying for you, Tammy and Sarah

  • Nicole Philen

    Angela, I share with you and so many other brave women one thing, among others: the loss of a child. Or, in my case, two. One right after the other in early miscarriage. Some say it is not the same as losing your child after he or she is born. And they are right. Your pain is a million times deeper than mine ever will be. I don’t have a grave to go to, a place to sit and talk to my children, but I carry them with me every single day in my heart & in my steps. I admire your grace, dignity & courage. You are to be admired. God bless.

  • Corie

    I am always so blessed by the words that you write. You have a way of expressing things on your blog that I continue to think myself. I continue to pray for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings with everyone. It is ministering to many in so many ways

  • Krysty

    Angie,
    Thank you for being so transparent with us and sharing your heart as you walk this path. God used your blog and Audrey’s story as a reminder of how desperate we are for Him at all times. It is so clear that you are resting in promises of God and the hope of who He is and what He says in His word. I am so challenged by this and know that I need to have His word on my brain, in my heart and on my lips to keep walking the path I’m on. I pray that He will give you grace to be in His word and in His presence throughout these days and years to follow. Your ministry & Todd’s ministry will far surpass the days you have here on Earth. If I were to be the judge,(and I clearly am not) your family’s legacy has already left it’s mark. God will continue to enlarge your territory through Audrey’s story.
    Many blessings,
    Krysty

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Matt, Joy & Ryder

    A friend sent me a link to your blog yesterday saying that anyone with children should read and hug their little one. I started at the beginning and have read the entire journey you have been on. You have so much strength and I am in awe of you undying faith. Every morning I visit a website that has a scripture and then a small little story of someone’s real life encounter that seems to pair well with the scripture. I saw God this morning as I read the reading and realized how closely it testaments to the trials you are facing. I thought I would share and although I know it could never heal the pain you feel, at least there is some reflection here. I will continue to keep you and all of your family in my prayers:

    Psalm 137:1-4 (NRSV)
    By the rivers of Babylon — there we sat down and there we wept when we remembered Zion. On the willows there we hung up our harps. For there our captors asked us for songs, and our tormentors asked for mirth, saying, “Sing us one of the songs of Zion!” How could we sing the LORD’s song in a foreign land?
    “AS I read the words of Psalm 137, I feel the pain and anguish of the people who were exiled to a foreign land with no hope of ever being able to return home. In exile, the people felt that God had abandoned them and that they could no longer rejoice.
    When we face physical problems, the death of loved ones, or other loss, the resulting sadness can seem like exile. But as I listened to the words of the psalmist, I was reminded that the good days are not behind any of us. We are assured that whatever our exile may be, God is with us. And because God is with us, we have nothing to fear. We can sing our songs of Zion and praise God – who is near to us, who is our comforter, and who never abandons us.”- This was written by Sherry Brooks Martin (South Carolina, U.S.A.)

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Colorado Dreamin’

    Thank you for sharing your story with us! God is speaking greatly through you!

  • Wendi

    Angie,
    Again, truly pulling at my heartstrings, bringing back memories, and reminding me to pray for you. You are such a special woman!
    It is amazing how God is using you…reading all of these comments must be so overwhelming as you see God using you!
    Keep it up!
    I pray that God will continue to be your comfort as you go through this process. Allow yourself time to grieve. Some days just breathing is enough. God knows!

  • Anonymous

    i just watched the slide show of your little girl, and i couldn’t resist posting. i know its a little weird since i’ve never met you, but I wanted you to know that video touched my life. The song was beautiul and you and your family are so precious. I will be praying for you.

    ~moriah from PA

  • Hope

    Angie, thanks for sharing Elliot with us. He and Audrey are running on the streets of gold together hand in hand.

    I Have never had a child, or lost one. I know the pain of infertility and after 18 years of marriage and no success, we are beginning to grieve the loss of our Isaac – the child of our prayers and dreams.

    But I know that God has a plan, sometimes that is hard to say or hear, but I know He does. There is no way our Father would allow such pain without bringing us to something special.

    You are in my prayers, ((HUGS))

    Hope

    “Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him;” Job 13:15

  • Creekermom

    “An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

    I am wearing a pair of shoes.
    They are ugly shoes.
    Uncomfortable Shoes.
    I hate my shoes.
    Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
    Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
    Yet, I continue to wear them.
    I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
    They are looks of sympathy.
    I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
    They never talk about my shoes.
    To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
    To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
    But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
    I now realize that I am not the other one who wears these shoes.
    There are many pairs in the world.
    Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
    Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.
    Some have work the shoes so long that days will go by
    before they think of how much they hurt.
    No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
    Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.
    These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
    They have made me who I am.
    I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

    Author Unknown

  • CrownLaidDown

    At a Living Proof Live this past weekend, Beth Moore shared a story that your post, your heart, reminded me of.

    Here it is: A story told in the rabbinic tradition that is profound…a disciple asks his teacher a question. “Rabbi, why does Torah tell us to place these words upon our hearts. Why not in our hearts?”

    And the Rabbi replied (in my paraphrase), because as we are going about life, our hearts are closed. So the words stay on top. One day, the heart breaks…and the word falls in.

    Let it fall in, dear one.
    We are praying for you…for Sara.
    Love,
    holly

    PS I am posting my notes from the conference, if you want to read them. Perhaps they will touch a deep part of you and bring something new. Much love to you!

  • Anonymous

    As christians God is often called the potter. Well he is the master potter ( sculpture). Well just as a sculrtue takes the chisel to the clay, God does this too. Sometimes the pieces that need to be taken away hurt like no tomorrow. But others fall off easily. God has something BIG he is doing with your loss. Although I do not know what it is he is creating the something beautiful. I am sorry for your pain and sorrow. But please keep trusting in what God is doing. He sometimes needs the sharp chisel to fit us for what comes next. Much love and prayer.

  • Anthony’s Mommy

    I lost one of my twins at 20 weeks and delivered my son at 26 weeks. I never got to see my daughter because she had been decompising in me for 6 weeks. My son Anthony survived and I am forever grateful for this. HOwever I miss my daughter Hailey and wish she could be here with us. I will never forget my little sweet heart and I mourn for her every day.

    You are a very strong lady and I admire everything you have been through!

  • angelinside

    Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

    Isa 49:16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of [my] hands; thy walls [are] continually before me.

    Angie,
    I have sent you a couple emails. I hope you got them. My friends tease me saying that I want to meet you and your family. Your story has touched me. I visit your blog daily. If there is not a new post… I just listen to the music. Sometimes I pull it up just to listen to the music.

    I want to make something clear, in case you have any doubt.

    Audrey KNOWS what a wonderful mother you are. She knows. She knows you would kiss her knees. She knows you love her. She knows you love her big sissies (that what my daughter calls her sisters). She knows you would have been beautiful at her wedding. Embarrassed her with photos. She knows you would have been the most loving and wonderful mother EVER! She knows what you are going through. Our wonderful, merciful God would not let your wonderful miracle of a daughter come through the gates of Heaven without telling her what a beautiful, wonderful, Christ-like image of a woman that you are. She knows you would be rocking her now if you could.

    I pray you find a peace only God can give you. The words from the song “the more I seek you the more I find you” come to mind.

    The More I seek You
    The More I find you
    the more I find you
    The more I love you

    I want to sit at you feet
    drink from the cup in your hands
    lay back against you and breath
    feel your heartbeat
    this love is so deep
    it’s more than I can stand
    I melt in your peace
    it’s overwhelming

    Here is a link to a performance…

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3GijrnfStk

    This is my prayer for you Angie. Sit at His feet. Drink from His cup. Lay back against Him and breath.
    Breath.

    I know you are there. He will lay his hand on you…

    Relax in knowing Our God has told your beautiful Audrey that you would and will one day kiss her knees even if she doesn’t bump them.

    I love you and your family.
    God has blessed all of us by giving you the courage and strength to be so brave and share your heartache.

    I give Him thanks for bringing your family into my life.

    Good night : )

  • Jai

    All I can as the tears run down my face is .. THANK YOU ..

    thank you for your prayers, thank you for your transparency, thank you for saying the words I have felt so many, many times.

    The hurt softens through the years, but you never forget … NEVER … I do not mourn as if I have no hope, because I know I will see my precious Denham one day ..

    but I will admit, I miss not having to comb her hair, buy Easter outfits, go shopping, have girl time (we have 3boys) ..

    Praying for you, Sara and all of who belong to this new “sisterhood” as we walk thourgh the daily journey …
    Thank you …

  • Anonymous

    Angie and Todd,
    The days go by since you lost Audrey and you still continue to minister to others. God’s grace and mercy are unbounding. Thank you for continuing to share your pain and your hope. God is so good. I continue to pray for you all.
    Cindy
    Weirton, WV

  • Amanda

    All I can say is thank you for sharing and your words have changed my heart. I never saw the baby I lost and maybe that makes it easier. Sometimes I don’t know. I will be praying for you and Sarah this Mother’s Day. My first Mother’s Day after our miscarriage was a roller coaster of pain and peace. I now have two wonderful children and am actually thankful for God allowing me to experience that. My faith is so much stronger now and I trust that someday God will fully heal our hearts.

    God bless you.

  • libby @ ninesandquines

    Found your blog yesterday and can not get you and your family out of my mind…so many prayers and hugs coming your way…we just found out yesterday that friends of ours, whose baby was born on January 24th, were just told that their dear Sara Noel has a malignant tumor…will find out next Tuesday what the next steps are…

    Peace in all that is Him….
    Libby Liebig

  • Anonymous

    Angie – thank you for everything you write. I am one of those mommies too, and after so many years, my heart still aches for my babies – yet I am so thankful I have Hope and will see them Again! Thanks for sharing your heart and being there for others. Your experience and words are touching countless lives. May God continue to bless you and your family. sherry

  • Kids Special Needs

    I met my husband when we were both working at a CPA firm, both of us accountants ;o)

    I don’t think there are any 9-5 accounting jobs left, unless you work for the government.

    So, I got a good chuckle out of your remark.

    I too have been left, for hours, days, weeks, with no support or help from my husband. I am currently a SAHM, but my husband has been an accountant for over 20 years. He works 60-80 hours a week, depending on where he works. He has changed jobs a couple of times over the years.

    Anyway, I can truly relate to what you say. During long dark days I wished my husband had a government job where he worked 9-5 Monday thru Friday. A job where he had 7 weeks of vacation a year………

    I have felt your pain. I still feel your pain, the pain we share. I went into it as a caterpillar, and have come out a butterfly. Thank you for your blog.

  • Alicia (a daisy girl)

    Angie:
    I’ve been thinking of you since I began reading your blog just a few days ago. I’m sorry this is long, and I don’t even know if you’ll read it, but I, too, bear the mark of a mother who lost a child. In my case, I miscarried twins and then 10 months later gave birth to a little boy who died in utero at 21 weeks. I’ve never been more barren and alone and it’s certainly not a cross I ever thought I’d bear. Yet somehow it seemed good to God to place this on me; and through it all I’m learning to trust Him (as the song goes).

    I’m sad you also have a reason to visit a grave, for that was the one thing that struck us so deep as we drove away from the cemetary that day… we had a reason. And nothing can change it or make it better. The only redemptive portion on earth is our children are with Jesus.

    Without going into my own personal story too much, it was 2 years ago in February that our Brett died. Since then I have not been able to carry another child, and that is the part I grieve yet today. I have 3 sons and all we wanted was a little girl to complete our family. Little did I know the journey I would embark on. But recently, and on a much brighter note, we just became foster parents to a 2yo little gir named Ellie (thought you might enjoy that!) and people say she looks a lot like me. I have to laugh… the girl even likes to try on clothes! She’s meant to be mine!!

    One late night last summer, (and I’ll try to make this quick), I grabbed my ipod to listen to praise music in order to drown out my DH’s snoring. I was quite content until the song… “Wonderful Merciful Savior” came on. That song was the only one that carried me through my darkest days, (this little songbird had lost her song, you see) and every emotion came flooding back. And for the umpteenth time, I begged God for a vision of my children. “If you’ll only let me see their faces then I could truly release them,” I argued. So I drug myself out to the couch and just sobbed. And then the most amazing thing happened… I saw an angel walk into the room carrying my babies. All 3. Jesus didn’t give me just a picture of what they looked like – no… it was so much more. They walked over and climbed on the couch with me. Daisy reclined on my right side, while Jared sat on the armrest near my head. And my little guy, Brett, was laying on my chest. It was enough that they were there with me, but then Daisy asked, “Why are you crying, Mama?” That overwhelms me even now.

    They stayed with me for about an hour. No other words were spoken, but I sat in the pure wonder of it all. And I was true to my argument… I was able to release them. He’s such an amazing God!

    For the year that I spent searching for Him and for answers, I found this… God loves and cherishes mothers. The greatest example was placing His own mother in the care of another while He hung on the cross. That settled it for me. He loved me and would walk with me in the healing waters of His Spirit.

    Angie, I believe He will give you whatever it is your heart longs for in healing. It’s different for everyone. I’m just beyond blessed that He gave me that precious hour with my little ones, for it released a groaning in my heart that would not yield until my passionate prayer came to pass.

    Blessings on you and your family today.
    Alicia

  • Anonymous

    I have been reading your blog recently and it has really challenged me. Your story has reminded me many times of a book I read. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of it, but it is called Summer and it’s by Karen Kingsbury. It is part of a series, and defiently far back in the series, but I really think God could use this book to impact your life. I believe it could bring a new sort of healing. Please consider reading it. Even though it would help to read the books before it, you wouldn’t have to. I hope you’ll take my suggestion and that it will bring healing in the mist of everything you’re feeling. I’m praying for you.

    anonymous
    15 year old

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie, what a beautiful unfinished time. I have cried through your journaling (wow, what insights you have). I love the idea of looking for God in the small, little moments of the day. I know I’ve done it but to see it on “paper” was so different. To give your young ladies credit from God, made me smile!
    The line you wrote about God not having us here to heal us resonated in me to the point that I have been pondering that idea for days. You see, I have had 2 miscarriages, the second taught me that God did not have to have a reason for what He did. He is God. It took me quite a while to get there. Then, He gave me another child, my 3rd, a little girl. When she was 1, God was moving again and ask me was He important enough in my life, would I give up everything for Him, even my husband. It took me several days, but I got there. Six weeks later my husband left for work and did not come home to me and 3 beautiful children who were 5, 4 and 1. My ex-husband got to a place where he got it, it was God, me and the children OR this other life. I thought, how could I lose. I did not know that there was a 20 year old young lady, with no responsibilities waiting and I lost. He loves his children dearly. I am remarried, a God blessing BIG time. We have another daughter who is 11. I have a husband who is a man of integrity and great wisdom,a lover of God and whom I love dearly. Here’s the part I was so frustrated with, my other children just want me to “get along” with their father and step mother. Try as I might and pray over my actions, give until it hurts, it was and is never enough. This is always called “not getting over it,” which comes from their father, who is not a Christian. It is just something I am going to have to carry with me for as long as God asks me too. That is so hard for me, because what I want to do is run away. So, today, I am praying for grace to say and do and react better and better.
    We shared your video at church last Sunday, as we are going through Romans and the sermon was on suffering..my husband had met with the pastor and I let his wife know about your “blog”. Our pastor also chose some of your comments, he told me it was so hard to choose from. Boy did get that.
    I keep hearing your daughter’s song in my head, it is so beautiful. I am looking forward to Selah’s new CD.
    Thank you, for sharing all you have gone through. I have cried, laughed, thanked God, praised God, and pondered Him. I just can’t thank you enough. Your family is in my prayers.

  • bas

    Yesterday in my car, I listened to Selah singing “even in the shadow of death will I praise Him” and cried, because you are praising Him, and believing Him and His promises.
    I have a son in the army, and whenever I see one of those yellow ribbons, I pray for our loved ones in the military. Perhaps a white ribbon could symbolize a beloved baby in heaven. A white ribbon worn on the wrist, or a white pin, or something.
    Bless you for your ministry in allowing us to see your love for Him, and your love and compassion for others. When I am hurting, and afraid, I don’t always have the strenth to reach out to others, but you do! Amazing Love
    Beverly

  • The Witts

    I don’t have any words, just tears. I finished reading Audrey’s sweet story today and I have been deeply affected. You are in my prayers as I weep for you and your family.

  • Jeanine

    I am weeping with you. Though I do not know the pain of losing a child, you have conveyed your grief so beautifully. I pray the Lord will lift the heaviness of sorrow from your heart and that you will again walk in joy until you see sweet Audrey again.

  • Jo

    Angela, I have been reading here now for a week, sent to you by a friend’s recommendation. My heart goes out to you during this time. Your writing is beautifu;, your daughters are beautifu;; Audrey, your baby angel, is a spirit beyond words. I can just tell the love that surrounds you.

    I have been reading another blog, a woman who lost her baby at 6 weeks old – one of twins. She, and another group of women who’ve endured such loss, have come together to write and share in an amazing forum. I will post the site for you here, should you ever wish to find a group such as this online who *know.*

    Hugs, of the warmest variety -
    Fondly -

    The weblog:
    http://www.glowinthewoods.com/

  • Heather

    I am also a woman marked forever by losing a child. Thank you for thinking of others during your time of pain and know that I am also thinking of you.

  • carrienlight

    Dearest Angie-
    this is carrie lynne from Selah’s Guestbook. i have been praying & struggling alongside you, i want you to know that i am also “one of those women, one of those mothers.”

    You have given me much to think about, pray over, and digest spiritually and emotionally. i have decided- i need the red clay. i have had 2 miscarriages, and have no visible marker or headstone for them. Sometimes, i confess, my anger, sorrow and yes, sometimes even a fading hatred are the only mark their existences. i keep praying for the day that a new marker will arise, but for now, i will take the red clay.

    i need to tell you that these two children were not conceived by love, but both by rapes. i tried to keep them, but my body just couldn’t. Seth is the name of the 2nd baby, he was 3 months along. The 1st baby, i asked God to give him a name, he was merely 1 month about. i loved them both the best i could in that situation.

    Through counselling (my counsellor happens to be a christian) now i can see that God was indeed merciful TO THE BABIES by taking them to Heaven, where there is only love & no emotional/phycial abuse or baggage; i confess that sometimes i find myself trying to take them back… because i know i am missing a huge part of me, of what it means to be a “real woman.” (in the world’s terms- not God’s!)

    i wasn’t going to post anything, but a previous poster mentioned mother’s day. i confess i feel completely neglected & forgotten because i do not have any children to “show for it.” i truely, honestly know the physical & emotional struggles & abuses God has spared me & my 2 beloved children from. but it would be nice to have them acknowledged by someone other than my counsellor; it would be lovely to receive a mother’s day card that even simply wrote “i know your 2 babies existed” and/or “i know you tried.”

    i do praise God that He put counsellors in my life, so that i can overcome & continue on. i may never reach the oft-quoted “Proverbs 30″ woman, but i do reach out to Jesus Christ, my Gentle Healer, so i can be the best woman i can be. Despite how i feel, what is REAL is that God is indeed “blessing my broken road… and is constantly leading me back to Him.” And i know, Angie, He will do it for you as well – red clay & all! He has used your loss & Audrey’s journal to help me face those rapes again, the babies, and to look and see anew His mercies to us.

    i am continuing in prayer for you- especially through Mother’s Day,
    carrie lynne from Selah’s Guestbook

  • Vera

    I just wanted to let you know you are still in my daily prayers.

  • Mommyof2

    Words….as I sat here and read your journey, my soul cried out words to our Father, yet my mind can come up with nothing. There are no explanations, nothing to remedy the pain – it is the beauty and tragedy of blind faith. I wrote a poem awhile back that I wanted to share with you. I hope it touches a chord within your heart.
    It is called “The Path of How.”

    Here I stand on the Path of How…..
    How did I get here?
    How do I get out?
    How do I overcome this fear?
    How do I survive this bout?

    How did I become so tired?
    How did I get so lazy?
    How to I do what is required?
    How do I know I’m not crazy?

    How do I lift this blanket of exhaustion?
    How do I end the foggy days?
    How do I take necessary precaution?
    How did I even come this way?

    Meaningless activities…
    Purposeless after purposeless days…
    All to replace my lack of purpose
    I am caught up in such a daze

    Why take up one thing
    To drown out dissatisfaction of another?
    Why don’t I find fulfillment
    As a housewife and a mother?

    Oh God I am drowning
    Exhaustion envelops me
    I can’t see a clearing anywhere
    I can’t seem to break free

    So God I sit as Elijah
    Exhausted under a tree
    Admitting I have nothing,
    Awaiting You to come rescue me.

    I pray, sweet sister that you have no guilt in collapsing under the tree like Elijah. God will come to you and tell you when and how to rise. Until then, know that hundreds of others are lifting you up.

  • cherryt7

    .

  • cari

    Angie,

    HOW do you maintain your strong faith in such times? I feel like my life is falling apart right now (my husband has been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease) and I don’t understand why. My faith is shattered and I am so so so very angry. I keep reading your blog in hopes that something will hit me and I will find that peace again.

    I am so sorry about beautiful Audrey. Your words make a huge difference in the lives of many.

    Cari

  • Anne

    I am so thankful that the Lord led me to your blog. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    May is an extremely difficult month for me. It was in this month, three short years ago, that my son Carson was stillborn.

    My heart hurts for you and with you as you travel this road that is ahead. You will never be the same person…I know I am not.

    May God’s hand be forever holding you!

  • Scott

    Your words are both a blessing and encouragement to all who read this. I know that times continue to be hard, but God is faithful to us. He will not leave or forsake us. If anything he knows your pain all too well. But as you said, come that resurrection morning when Christ returns, you shall be reunited with you precious daughter once again. You and Todd are continually in my family prayers.

  • Karen

    Praying for you right now.

  • Eric and Michelle

    I am so very sorry for your loss. May your heavenly Father bring you comfort as only He can.

  • staceleem

    WOW. Thank you so much for sharing your words. Thank you for being willing to be so honest so that others won’t feel so alone. I have not lost a child, I have known a few friends who have, and it has always made me grateful for the trials I have gone through, because I cannot comprehend the loss of a child, and how a mother goes on. I admire your strength and honesty. Thank you – I have felt hopeless recently, for many other reasons, and your post was a very powerful reminder of who is in charge, and who will guide us, if we let him.

  • Snuggle Farm

    Angie, Again I’m strengthened in my walk with my Saviour by reading your painful but encouraging words. Yes, like a rope, we are stronger, when bound together. We pass each other in the stores and on the street, we sit side by side in our cars. Share His love with those who don’t even “look” like they need it. We will not know (until Heaven!) who has had their “face” on. I know you understand. Remember this, ladies when we think about speaking an unkind word or passing a judgement. Thank you, Angie, for pouring out your heart.

  • RSR2003

    Dear Angie,
    Just found you. Crying for you. I will be praying for you as you wade throught he heartache of losing your precious baby. I am praising God with you. Isn’t it so strange to be able to do that?? I think Him for that!! I don’t even have the right words..and feel like I am making no sense but please know you have touched my life…little Audrey is a miracle!! Look how many God has touched through her!! And oh goodness is she beautiful!!

    Love, in Christ
    Rosie from IL
    sdgphotography.blogspot.com

  • Heidi Evans

    I appreciate your openness. God is using you to touch many lives through your own struggle. Thank you for reminding me that it is okay to be angry as long as we leave it at his feet. You have been such an encouragement to me.

  • Vicky

    Praying for you today and this weekend!

  • crispy

    I have been reading your blog and again God has touched me through your struggles. I do pray that you can heal and that God uses this to glorify Him.

    BTW, we have the same birthday. =)And we are moving to the area in the next few months as God has lead my husband to serve Him there.

    Prayers for you, dear sister in Christ.

    Cris

  • Three Fold Cord

    Sweet Sister!!I am praying for you and your family. Your story brings me to my knees constantly. To even imagine you alone in that place. Too overwhelming for words!! Our comfort is knowing that in the New Testament he sais that we can ask for ministering angels to come and minister to the saints. This is my prayer for you!!

  • becandave

    Angie,
    I am a Grandmother, and a Mom in great despair, and hurt for my son, his wife, and my unborn Grandchild. God has so graciously sent me to your sight for hope, encouragement, and insight.
    They are entering into the same type of pain, confusion, and yet a blessing as you have just come through. They have just had a very serious diagnosis of “non compatible with life” for their precious little girl,” Chloe Hope”! They have a blended family of 5 boys!!! and finally a baby girl! She has been diagnosed with trisomy 18, and she also has an umphalacele(intestines outside her body)
    He is a Dr and she is a nurse. I sometimes think it makes it worse having so much information. They deal with numbers, odds, and statistics, all day long. He delivers babies all week long and it makes it even harder.
    My heart is broken for them and I truly want to wave a magic wand and heal them and this child…but I can’t! I know only the Great Physican can do that. We are all christians and know he is able…but waiver daily on the cusp of reality.
    Your story is their’s and I am living it with them step by step. I have 6 children, and 18 grandchildren, I have been truly blessed! I have never been here before, and this is my first journey through this valley.
    I thank you, for lighting my way and giving the hope, encouragement, and insight on how to turn this into a true and wonderful blessing!
    I am praying for your family, and Sara’s. I know God is using you both for His Glory!
    May you recieve the blessings to shower on your girl’s life!
    Grammy Becky

  • da momma

    wow thank you for your inner thoughts

  • Alexandra

    Dear Angie and her wonderful, wonderful family,

    I came across your blog today by accident. As I started to read it I decided that it was no accident that i found your gorgeous family. I am so inspired by you and your strength. I have felt this amazing warmth from reading your words from this journey. Please know that I will be thinking of you, (and your family) and praying for you everyday. May you continue to find comfort

  • Wenchy

    I have no words.

  • Shantel

    Angie and Todd,
    I just found your blog, well about 4 hours ago. I started from the beginning and read til I was “red faced”. Went through a box of Kleenex and committed myself to finding Jesus. You have inspired me to want the belief and peace you find in Him. My sister has been wanting me find Him and as a 36 yr old mother of 3 with a husband in Iraq….Im embarrassed that I havent already found him, but know it is time. I have felt it coming. But I also have this feeling of why now? Is He leading me to something? Am I going to need Him? Is He preparing me?
    I’m afraid of the answers to these questions.
    Thank you for your strength and including us on your journey with you. And know, you have shown me the ways of God and I am ready.
    Hugs and Prayers to you all.
    Shantel
    hellwoman90@yahoo.com

  • Jenn in AK

    When you’re barely hanging on, remember you are still mother, wife, daugther and you are above all His child. Prayers of peace and healing.

  • Anonymous

    . . .Praying for you today, Angie. Erika

  • NicoleC

    I won’t be around this weekend but I just wanted to wish you a Happy Mother’s Day. I’m sure it’s going to be hard, and bitter sweet.
    Your faith, grace and strength amaze and inspire me daily.

  • Bits of Silver

    My heart is full of love and prayers for you. May God give you peace…slowly, surely, and when you are ready.

  • Alison

    I found your shop on Etsy. Beautiful clothes! Then I ready that your shop was closed. As as mother I was compelled to read your story. Tears ran down as I read your story. A close friend is going through the same thing. My heart breaks for you and your family. Hugs and prayers from Atlanta, GA.

    Alison English

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Blake & Danielle

    Like many who have responded, I am one of the women you describe. I know the grocery store moments. More than likely, we have walked the exact same isles. Who knows, it may have even been at the exact same time. We are, basiclly, neighbors walking the path of grief. I find myself there, once again. I relate to your feelings and emotions. You are not alone in that. Just a few miles away, I am struggling too. It has been a bad week…

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie,
    Your blog is a ministries to all mothers – those of us with babies in heaven as well as those with babies in their arms (many of us have both!) Grief is such a strange, difficult journey. I hear the struggle you are having in this moment and I pray for a “peace-break” for your heart soon. Please let us know how you are – even if its very short. We all miss you.

    God bless,

    Jen Klein

  • ceci

    Thank you for sharing, Angela! Your story brings much strength and hope. :)

    My parents lost their first born(my older brother) when he was just three months old, due to a congenital heart defect.

    This was over twenty years ago.

    I remember sharing about their story at a youth group event in church, and being amazed to discover how many other families experienced the loss of a child! And there we wept and prayed for all our parents, but we also praised God for bringing healing to our families and for the support He has provided for us in each other.

    love+prayers,
    Cecilia

  • Anonymous

    Angie and Todd,

    I wrote to you earlier but there is more I want to say. I have to say you are two miraculous people. And I want you to know that you have touched my life. My sister has been on me to find God again. To make sure he is in my heart. I am going to buy that book you mentioned for kids. I have a hard time understanding the Bible as well. I forgot to write it down when I was reading, so I will leave my email addy for anyone who knows the book Angie mentioned in her blog.
    Audrey is very loved by many. Her story has taught me not to take my time with my kids for granted. I have a teenager and her and I arent jivin right now. I have more incentive to try harder now.
    Much love and hugs to you all!
    Shantel
    hellwoman90@yahoo.com

  • Lara

    The last week has been a grieving week. A friend lost a husband, other friends lost an almost adopted child and another friend lost her father. I came to your blog for some comfort and understanding from the perspective of faith and I found it as expected. My heart breaks for you, and I want you to know that I am another who is offering frequent prayers for you. May the Lord continue to keep you and bless you during this difficult time and may you find the strength you need to move forward and the peace to make “forward” a joyful place. Thank you for sharing your testimony of the reality of Jesus Christ.

  • mbl

    I just spent the past 3 hours reading and crying over your story. As a mom who has sent 2 babies on to heaven, I grieve with you and for you. Your story and testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness during the rain has helped me heal again. I love your mommy heart. I love how Audrey’s legacy will live forever and has touched so many. My children touched more lives in their short 2 months here on earth than many people do in their 80 years. God is good and I praise Him for you. With Love, Marla Livers

  • Fratesi Family

    Angie…

    My name is Angela and I’m overwhelmed with how many comments you have (as I’m sure you are too) and I would see how you wouldn’t get the time to read all of them . In case you do, I wanted to just tell you how touched I have been by your sharing your life. I’m 31 with 3 children. You are an inspiration and my heart goes out to you. I posted a link to your video on my blog and I hope that is ok. I wanted to share with everyone a true testimony of trust in God and how God can lift up each and every one of us if we would just let him. I can’t tell you how touched I’am. Glory be to God.

  • Diaz Traveling Circus

    Angie,
    I was amazed today when I came to check up on you and your family and saw that you had been in contact w/ the Skaggs family. You see, we have been praying for them through a mutual friend for months and a few weeks before we knew Elliot would be born I had sent your blog to my friend suggesting that she share it with Sara in hopes that it would encourage her breaking heart. My friend thought it best to wait a few weeks after Elliot had been born to share the blog with Sara, only God was so many steps ahead of us. When I saw their picture today and read how you’ve been supporting each other all this time I was, again, blow away at our faithful and all knowing God! Thank you for blessing all of us with your words of truth and hurt and joy. I am a mother of three boys, and I also lost a baby at only 6 wks gestation, but still feel I will never understand the depth of heartache you are walking with now. You come to my mind often, and each time, I lift you up! Thank you for your wittness and your humanness and your grace!
    Michelle Diaz

  • Ruthanne

    Angie, you have been in my thoughts and prayers so much this week. I pray that you will find relief and peace even in your grief.
    Your description of your own heartbreak in the cemetery has brought tears to my eyes. Allowing yourself to feel all the pain is one of the hardest things in the world to do. I will continue to pray for you and for your family.

  • megaleemoo

    Hello friend,

    I was told about your blog just today and stayed up late reading all the past enteries. I loved reading about little Audrey and she is truely an inspiration. YOu are an AMAZING momma!! I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant with our second child and I pray that I can be the type of mtoher that you are to your children. I will pray for you and your family and little Audrey and that she watches over you.
    Blessings,
    Megan

  • Abounding Treasures

    Dear Angie,

    In finding your blog today, I cried, prayed, smiled and praised the One who is carrying you in His everlasting arms as He brings you and your family THROUGH this storm.

    Your transparency and courage in sharing little Audrey’s story and yours has been a blessing to me today.

    My husband and I know only a little of how you feel as we lost a much-longed-for daughter to stillbirth 20 years ago and she is always in our hearts and memories and we praise the Lord for a day coming when all of us will meet in Heaven.

    Blessings to you and your loved ones!

    Dallas
    http://sharonlydiagrace.blogspot.com/

  • Two blessings from above

    Praying for you and your family tonight and always!

  • Kelly Trader

    Angie,
    My best friend lost her first baby girl unexpectedly at birth 6months ago. Her name was Adalyn Ryan Bomstad. Through tears, she recently told me why she loves Addy’s gravespot at the cemetary. It is because when the Lord comes again, that is the spot where her sweet little body will raise. What a glorious day it will be!
    Your sister,
    Kelly Trader

  • Tiffany Stuart

    I am so sorry you are grieving. I just finished watching your story on another blog. Your pastor’s maybe? I was overwhelmed. I so relate to your loss, but in a different but personal way.

    Audrey was beautiful. Her life mattered. And it’s true she will continue to make a difference for others. To God be the glory forever.

    I pray God will be the great God of all comfort for your family. Rest in His care as He touches your heart with his healing hand.

    Again, your daughter’s life mattered.

  • Jennifer

    Angela, Thank you for sharing your story. What a journey you have been on! My husband and I lost our baby girl back in March to SIDS. She was 3.5 months old. I understand your pain. Your insight is amazing though. I find it so difficult to put my feelings into words. Your words capture the feelings so well. I will pray that you find peace and comfort in Christ in the coming weeks and months and especially this weekend.

  • Kari

    Thank you Angie for being so open..yes, there are others’ who read this and share the same pain and loss..my daughter, in November, and my daughter-in-law, in February…we would have been sharing Leah’s joy this month and Mindys’ next…our 8th and 9th grandbaby….I lost a baby too, years ago..and the pain is still there…even as I realized a year after I had lost our 3rd that God had given me our youngest..born a year later…I walked past the church nursery a few years later, with his hand in mine, still missing that baby…Years later,I became a nurse; there is such a need to reach out afterwards to our moms’ and families. Especially, in this world that does not have a basic respect for the “unborn”… Keep going, you are helping us,helping us uncover and look inside…God is surely the same today, yesterday and tomorrow….our spirits’ soul speaks… Thank you…Kari

  • Bevy

    I love your hearing and then repeating: I’m still here! I think that’s what God wants to be our comfort amoungst all the pain.
    I’ve lost a hubby in a difficult family situation …
    Know that your words ministered to me and I thank you for sharing.
    If you’re up to it sometime – check out this blog post: http://bevinnesthots.blogspot.com/2008/05/forget-me-nots-83.html
    Love in Jesus,
    Bevinne

  • Ivy Vega from www.ivysmind.com

    Angie: Isn’t odd that we know that our loved ones are not really there, that they are in peace with our savior, but our flesh drives us to kneel by their name at an empty cementery. How can I tell you that my bones, my heart, my being aches with you. Thank you for still keeping us in your prayers who have lost loved ones whom we can not emabrace here today.
    I know that the peace and comfort will too come with the rain.
    Much love to you.

  • dr. Bray

    Dear Angie,
    I found your blog through a friends blog and I have cried at every post. I have prayed for you and your friend Sara. I have a blog, which is suppose to be more humorous (sometimes) but I lost a baby at 18 weeks last year. Things aren’t as humorous now. I am 11 weeks pregnant and scared silly. I have a belief system, but I am a lost soul. Reading your blog has given me hope to reconnect with God at some point in a deeper way than just praying before I lay my head down at night. I pray for you every day and I wish you well.
    Kellie Bray