May 29th

Thank you for your prayers.  That sentence just looks small to me; smaller than it feels.  We have felt the presence of those who are standing in the gap today, and we are all so grateful.
I wanted to post and give you a few more updates.  I am praying as I type that you will see past my muddled thoughts and let your heart make sense of my words.  I felt like I was too tired to say anything, but I really want to ask for your continued prayer in these days.  Greg and Nicol will be going to the funeral home tomorrow to make arrangements for Luke.  Please pray for strength, clarity in decision-making, and peace as they do this.  
Luke’s memorial service will be held on Monday.  I don’t know the details yet, but I will post more about it as they make decisions in the next day or so.
As parents, we are always looking for ways that we could have done things differently.  As Christians, we know that God doesn’t leave His throne.  There is an ugly middle road that Satan would love to make each of us walk, desperate to convince us that we could have prevented tragedy.  Please ask the Lord to make Himself so big that there is no room for questioning.  
I feel like there is so much more to say, and even as I have typed I have thought of many more things I would like to ask you to pray for.  I wish I had the energy to write every one of them, but I can’t keep my eyes open anymore.  I am praying that the Holy Spirit will whisper to you, and I want to thank you in advance for listening.  
Molly (my sister in law) and I went to Greg and Nicol’s house today to gather some things for them.  They haven’t been back yet, and I can’t imagine what it will feel like to be there again.  I just looked at all of his toys and his clothes and I felt like it couldn’t possibly be real.  How can he be gone? All his things in place, waiting for another day, and no Luke.  I kept thinking about what great parents they are, and they way they love their children.  I thought about what the night they lost him must have been like, and there was something in me that felt like giving up. 
There are moments where it seems hard to believe that a good, gracious God would allow us to hurt this way.  I have told Him so.  I have told Him a million things I wish He would have done differently, but tonight when I close my eyes, I will see the cross. I will rest in the sound of His sweet voice, reminding me that all is well in a place far away, where 2 babies are rejoicing together as they are reunited in the presence of the Lord.  
Audrey and Luke, I pray that you are dancing tonight as we rest.  We long to hold you again, to sing to you, to breathe the smell of your skin.  We long to parent you, but we know you are in far greater hands now.  I wish I could ask you what it is like…I long to see what you see.
For those of you who have followed my blog, you may remember that today was my due date with Audrey.  It was certainly a day marked my the feeling of loss, and yet enough grace to allow me to hope.  
Since Luke passed away on 5-27, I looked up that verse in the Bible.  It says “…Follow me,” Jesus said to him, and Levi got up, left everything and followed him.”  I choose to believe that in the moments when Luke was passing away, the voice of the Lord came quietly to him and asked him the same…no pain, no fear, just a still small voice in the night saying, “follow me, Luke.”  
That thought spurred me on today…”follow Me…follow Me…through the house, though the grief, through the memories., through the anger..follow Me.”  
Lord, in every decision we make and with everything we have to offer, let it be the cry of our heart to follow you….wherever you may lead us.
Thank you for helping us to take tiny steps in the direction of healing.  
Your words are so meaningful, and I want you to encourage you to write to Nicol and Greg at sponbergfamily@gmail.com.  I know they will find refuge there, in the prayers and encouragement of the faithful.  
Thank you so much for choosing to walk this with us.  We are more grateful than words can say.  
I will post again tomorrow to keep you all informed…
Thank you,
Angie

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  • Lynn

    Oh how I’m praying!
    Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

  • Halfmoon Girl

    I was led her by a mention at Still His Girl’s website. What a powerful blog you have hear. I don’t know that I will ever forget how you clung to your faith and spoke that your Jesus was still the same,even after you got the news of your daughter’s complications. I ache for your heartache regarding Audrey and Luke, and will keep all of you in my prayers.

    Jane

  • Anonymous

    Still praying for you all! Can’t imagine it – I thank you that you are there to comfort in the midst of so much pain.
    God bless and pray you continue to feel his comfort!

  • AJ

    Angie- I know that the Lord has spread the grief of all of this to us out here. I can’t explain it completely with words but I physically feel pain when I read your words and I can’t even begin to know what this loss must actually feel like. We are out here… your extended family. We stand with you, cry with you, love with you, celebrate with you, grieve with you, laugh with you, break pottery with you with each and every post you put forth into this world. Thank you for sharing… thank you for reminding me that each breathe in this life is a gift. God works in ways I know as humans we could never do. He must sincerely trust you with this… the rain is falling and He offers His shelter. Amazing. Just amazing. I will continually press the Holy Spirit to comfort and strengthen you and your entire family.
    ~Amanda

  • Anonymous

    I am praying. I don’t have any words other than to say that my heart aches for you and your family and I’d give anything to take the pain you are feeling away. I have no doubt that despite our understanding of all of this suffering, we can trust in the LORD who loves us enough to choose for his son to die on the cross for us. You’re right Angie…look to the cross.

    amy
    amy@philippians121.com

  • jen

    Dearest, sweetest of Angies, I have wept and wept for your family today. This is the first time I have ever carried someones grief ‘properly’… I’ve always been able to, but I never knew it was actually something you could optionally do on any great scale, much less ask Jesus to let you do. I just went my whole life thinking I was a softie, who cried at anything, and got too involved in movies. I have thanked God for this new awakening, and I am so, so honoured that you are a part of my ‘first time’.
    I keep singing… well, “Keep singing” *smile* By Mercyme, you probably know it, but here is a youtube link just in case. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UsS8UWvhxQ0&feature=related

    Keep singing precious family. Sometimes it’s all our souls can do.

  • Jodie

    We continue to pray for all of you. Thank you for taking the time to keep us posted. We know that the Lord knows all the details, including the intimate matters of the hearts involved, and He does not need us to pray in specifics….but I’m sure glad to be able to pray that way!

    My heart hurts so much for your precious family…I cannot even imagine. We will pray for protection for your minds, for grace that overwhelms you all, and for peace in your hearts that truly passes all understanding. Angie, I’m proud of you for being a voice here in a situation that hits so close to home in a timing that must seem unbearable. Thank you for continuing to run to Jesus and for letting us, your brothers and sisters in Christ, lift you up to the throne of grace!

    Love you lots and lots,
    Jodie

  • Jenny

    Still praying….
    May God’s strength wrap His arms around you in comfort and faith during these difficult times.

  • Anonymous

    You are amazing… you exude God’s grace, and you are such a light.

    I am a labor & delivery RN, and I have ready many stories of loss, and held the hands of mother’s who say hello & goodbye to their babes. Your story is special, as you praise the Lord in all of your circumstances. I showed your blog to my co-workers tonight… to remind them of grace.

    Thank you.

  • Brooke

    I found your blog yesterday by accident, yet I don’t believe in accidents. I believe God led me to you in the moment that I needed Audrey Caroline to minister to my life.
    I started from the beginning and read for hours. I even prayed during these hours for Audrey to live even though I knew the outcome was already carried out.
    Thank you for sharing your journey with her, it has blessed me deeply.
    I will be praying for Greg and Nicol during this difficult time. I am also still praying for you, Todd, and the girls.
    God Bless and until we meet….
    Brooke Smith

  • Carlee

    It’s so hard–near impossible–to not try to explain away tragedy. In this day, with amazing technology and life-saving devices, we are removed from tragedy so often. Yet, it comes. Here it is–a tragedy. Parents without their children.

    For Audrey and for Luke, it is unexplainable. There is no why, there is no what if, there is no maybe. I think we believe that if we could explain or justify it, we could handle it better. But there are two problems with that thinking. First, it would still be tragedy. It would still hurt with an unfathomable ache, even if there were all these answers. Second, if we could understand and explain everything that happens, where does that leave God? He is God because His ways are not our ways. He is God because we do not understand, and He does. He does not ask us to understand everything, He does not ask us to explain everything, and thankfully He does not ask us to accept everything without doubt, fear or pain. He only asks us to know the difference between Him and us, and live there. Live in the difference. One day we will see much more clearly. One day a larger picture will emerge. Maybe this side of heaven, probably not. But now there is only tragedy.

    Praise the Lord, He is the comforter of the weeping, the strength of the weak, and the Father of all His children–both those with Him and those of us left here.

    So, we pray, in every moment of hurt, fear, doubt, anger and despair, we pray for Him to hold you the way you long to hold your children.

    May He gather you in tender love and care.

  • Greg

    Beautiful Angie,
    I will be praying for you all and sharing in your grief and gladness. I have been a fan of your husband’s band ever since Jesus found me, but not until now has the Lord led me to your powerful, hope-filled blog and you were right in your interview with Pastor Pete. There is no plan B, God knows what He’s doing. And He’s still the same sovereign God in timeless Heaven who still loves you, Todd, Nicol, Greg, and your children.
    I have wept through the whole journey for your and Nicol’s families and proud of and inspired by your faith through these losses. My mother went through stillbornes and miscarriages for 9 years before she had me and my 2 younger sisters and now my middle-child sister is going through the same thing. She and her husband even named one of them, though the name escapes me right now.
    Here’s my humble point of view. I pray you find comfort in this. I can’t tell you what God is doing, but maybe what you and Todd had to go through will help you minister to Nicol and Greg (nice name). I’ve found that sort of thing happens alot.
    I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
    for you saw my affliction
    and knew the anguish of my soul.

    Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
    my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
    my soul and my body with grief.

    But I trust in you, O LORD;
    I say, “You are my God.”

    How great is your goodness,
    which you have stored up for those who fear you,
    which you bestow in the sight of men
    on those who take refuge in you.

    Be strong and take heart,
    all you who hope in the LORD

  • nicholei

    Angie – through the pain and mourning, I appreciate you taking the time to keep your blog readers updated. We pray for you and the rest of your family without ceasing. Your choice to follow Him whether it be running or crawling speaks volumes. May your hearts be comforted in this hour……

  • Heather

    Dear Angie, I found your site through a friend of mine and I can barely see to type for the tears. I read the beginning and most of the in-between and I am praying for you all from across the ocean (we live in Japan) Praying dear one~heather

  • Nicole

    Beautiful Angie, I am on my knees begging our Sweet Jesus to give your family just a moment of peace in these storms you are going through. I know he hears me so I feel like something special is going to happen to you & Nicol very soon. Your faith is admired by me and so many others. I’d give anything to just have a taste of the sweet love you have for our powerful God. As a mother of two angels, in my own way, I understand. Please know I’m praying every day for you.

    Gripped by Grace,

    Nicole

  • The Wild World of Richmond

    Angie, I’m from Dalton and I spoke to Debbie(the house where you are staying) yesterday. I feel like this is such a dream. Please know that many of us in Dalton are standing in the gap for you guys. We are praying for all of you to have the peace that only God can give. We are grieving with the Sponberg’s and with you. I choose to see the picture you painted in your blog…two children dancing and playing at the feet of Jesus, celebrating Him. I know that you and Nicol will run to those children and dance at His feet one day, too…beautiful dancing. I spoke these words to Debbie. Please, if there is anything you are in need of-please call us. She has our number and we want to be Jesus hands and feet to your family. We will wipe tears, hold children, or cook meals.
    peace and love to you,
    Terri Richmond

  • Anonymous

    I will write to Nicol. I am so terribly sad for her.

    I woke up this morning and after my husband got out of bed to take his morning shower, I started to pray. The tears water my eyes as I beg on her behalf, knowing the Lord hears and is still writing His book. He is in charge.

    Poor baby Luke–his Mommy must want him back so bad. I wish, with the strength of a million wishes, that I could wish him back for her.

    In a situation like this, it takes total faith to be able to see that the Lord IS in charge and can help ease and heal all things. When anger cuts like a knife, Satan fills that wound with doubt. It is His greatest weapon—to find our voids and fill them with his lies. But, to any of you reading, God is good; all the time. He will bring Nicol and Greg and Summer through this awful, rocky storm. He will lead them to His throne on high–where they will meet Luke again…..where they CAN hold him, and breathe the smell of his skin………………….this is just so sad.

    I pray for them. I pray for their heavy, unbelievable loss. I pray that anyone else who is witnessing this loss firsthand with them will be blessed with good advice and strong shoulders to cry on.

    Oh how we all need Heavenly Father.

    It is my humble prayer this morning that the Lord will rain down on the Sponbergs. That His peace will blanket and dissipate the grief. That, again, He will be ever present.

    With total love and respect,
    Becky Cain

  • Kelly

    I cannot remember the last time God spoke to me the way He did as I read through your story. Your testimony is truly amazing…to God be the glory. I am an ultrasound technologist who sees many circumstances similar to yours, but your story is different because of the way God’s grace has worked in your lives. Still praying for you all…

  • Anonymous

    Luke and Audrey are with the “chorus sweet,” praising God–

    “My Song” says, “He is the theme of angel song that fills the Heavens above–should I not join their chorus sweet and praise the God I love?
    I have no song to sing, but that of Christ my King; to Him my praise I’ll bring forevermore–His love beyond degree, His death that ransomed me; now and eternally, I’ll sing it o’er.
    I have no more delight in other songs, my melody of love to Christ belongs–
    I have no song to sing, but that of Christ my King; to Him my praise I’ll bring FOREVERMORE!”

  • Angie

    We are praying for you and wanted to let us know we are out here. We are like your extended family, the power of pray is awesome and through all this pain I pray that God is bigger and leads you all to him. I feel your pain through your works and can’t help but to weep for all of you. God does have a bigger plan but is hard to see right now.
    God did not promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, or sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way.
    God Bless you and your family.Sending our prayers.
    Angie
    Adrian MN

  • Anonymous

    Your testimony is so amazing, Angie. You make me wish I was a better Christian, with such strong faith, with such grace, able to see the Lord’s hand and heart so clearly in life’s difficult circumstances.
    I will pray for you today, and pray for Nicol. I can’t imagine how heavy the grief must be, thankfully we can be assured He will carry our sorrows (Is.53).

  • THE BOONE’S

    Angie and family,
    I have not posted in quite some time but I have been checking in on the blog daily. My family and I have been holding you and yours up in prayer, praying for your continued healing. When I got to the blog that announced the loss of your precious nephew, I was in shock and grief for you all instantly. Please know that we are praying and trying to help you carry your burdens through our prayers. I know you are a “hugger” so please, the next time you give your dear sister-in-law a hug, think of all of us praying and loving you all, oh, how I pray she can feel comforted somehow in this seemingly impossible time.
    I know you are a selfless person and probably wouldn’t mention it but I am sure you are feeling overwhelmed with emotions that you probably can’t explain to anyone but our Maker… I am praying for that… and you.
    God bless you and yours will all that you have need of.

    we will be praying.

    I will also write a note of love to the dear Sponberg family.
    All my heart, Robin B.

  • Gina@Chats With An "Old Lady"

    I have been praying for both of your families. I can only imagine how hard this is. I hurt for you…families I don’t even know!!

  • Georgia’s blog

    Angie,
    I have wept and prayed over the loss of my daughter, your daughter, the Chapman’s daughter and now your family’s precious Luke… thank you for your words “follow Me.” I needed to hear it. As we watched our daughter leave us and “follow Him,” I just kept repeating to her over and over and over “go be with Jesus…” and the verse Jeremiah 29:11 kept coming to my mind. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The other verse that came to mind was “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.
    TThank you for sharing your journey and being so transparent, it has blessed me deeply.
    Prayerfully and tearfully,
    Georgia

  • margaret

    My mom lost my sister to SIDS over 30 years ago. Praying for your family to see God’s grace.

  • happy gram

    Little One, Hold My Hand
    for Sydney Grace

    Little one, hold my hand.
    Show me all the wonders that you see;
    Help me feel His loving touch,
    Lead me gently to His feet;

    Little one, hold my hand,
    Guide me as I seek to learn
    How to do what He wants of me;
    Be my sweet angel leading me.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    Come at night and whisper in my ear
    Of the glorious things that you now know,
    Safely resting in His arms..

    Little one, hold my hand.
    Sit beside me as I weep;
    Dry my tears with gentle breath,
    A breeze that softly touches cheek.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    Angel fingers entwined in mine;
    Pull me gently closer still
    To live in Him in every hour.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    He will help you teach me how
    To be a better person now,
    Change me with His love you bring.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    I need to feel your presence here;
    I’ll try not to hold too tight,
    For I know I’m not the only one.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    Snuggle with me in my dreams
    And sing a joyful song to me;
    I’ll listen and i’ll sing with you.

    Little one, hold my hand,
    Until the day when I come home
    And then we’ll dance and never tire
    And play at Jesus feet again.

  • Michelle

    Angie last night we prayed at my daughter’s bedtime especially for Summer and Alyssa shared a lot of how she felt when Baby James died and her biggest feeling was fear and I never knew that, and when I laid down and was having a pretty frank conversation with God I kept hearing your words “He is still the same”. I have to believe that God has given you the ability to share and show his love at this blog which grows and grows so you and Nicol will be constantly lifted in prayer…you have truly changed my life and I am going to meet you some day and give you a big fat hug! I told God again last night that enough is enough and I’m angry…so this morning our loving God decided the following verse would be my bible study for today Psalm 89:37 It shall be established forever as the moon, and as a faithful witness in heaven. Selah. Is he not just amazing! Off to spend some time in thought and study of exactly what He wants me to get out of all of this…

  • Lauren

    Just wanted you to know that I was praying for you and your family, you remind me daily that Our God is big and mighty God that we should learn to lean on daily.. I know that God will bless you and your family in all of this.

  • Michelle

    Angie, I sometimes cant believe how strong you are, and then I remember that people always said that about me, too. When my son died, I was very brave, trying to be strong for everyone around me, and as awful as it was, trying to find Gid in it…somewhere.
    I guess I just want you to know that knowing God is there and feeling this grief are different things. You dont betray Him by being angry or sad, and you are even allowed to punch a wall (pillows are safer) if you need to. I found that allowing myself to feel the pain felt like I wasnt “strong enough”, that I should be ok because he was safe and happy where he was. But *I* wasnt safe, and I wasnt happy. I was terrified, and lots of thoughts I never imagined I would think came into my mind.
    It is really hard to explain this. I just want you to know that whatever you are feeling, it is ok. You have been through so much, and to then have this happen on top of it…so soon…is enough to make anyone a little crazy with grief.
    Someone told me once that “there is no way around this pain, no way over or by it, there is only through it.” I think you are a very strong woman, and a very faithful one. But I think somewhere in there, you need to be allowed to be angry, too. It might all make sense in some “God knows” way, but it still sucks rocks, and it is not at all fair. I know this isnt making sense, so before I chicken out and delete it, Im gonna hit send. Be gentle with yourself ok?

  • Anonymous

    First I want to say, Thank you for crossing out of your pain to communicate, and calling out for prayer.

    Our hearts are so tender and broken along with you all. Weeping is the only appropriate thing to do along with prayer. No words.

    Know we are gathered wanting to bear the pain with you all. It is a privilege to be along side.

    Bless His Holy Name.
    Follow Him~

  • connorcolesmom

    Trusting in the Lord and praying for all of you!!
    Kim

  • karen44

    Angie,
    All my love and prayers have been with the Smiths and Sponberg’s these last few days. I’m so grateful that you all know Jesus and can take refuge in Him. I can’t imagine how people who don’t know our Lord get through times like this.

    I woke this morning to my clock radio (Moody Radio) and the first thing I heard was a request for prayers for both families. Both Luke and Audrey were mentioned. Colin Lambert specifically requested prayer for each and every prayer request mentioned in your blog list. He then played Selah’s Wonderful, Merciful Saviour and I prayed for you all even as Todd and Nicol so beautifully sang that song-prayer to God.

    Moody also mentioned your family numerous times on multiple shows yesterday — letting people know what had happened, and lifting both families up in prayer.

    Know you are loved. Many are carrying you all in prayer. We love you, we’re praying for you. We’re also trying to understand things that are impossible to comprehend. One day we can ask. For now, we need to trust.

    Much love,
    -karen l.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you for the update, Angie. Although we haven’t met yet, I find myself worrying, or better yet, caring about you the way I do my family members. It is comforting to come here and find that you have been here.
    I am still in disbelief at what your family is going through and I am praying as the Lord leads me. Right now I am praying for strength and peace. Strength to get through this difficult time in the next few days and the peace that we know can only come from our Lord Jesus. I pray He will hold everyone of you and comfort you with His presence.
    My heart is just so heavy for your family as you walk this path again…I am glad that you find comfort from our prayers and support. I’m glad that the Lord is using us for you. He is certainly using you for us. Thank you.

  • ToreW

    Praying for your entire family. Praying that God will continue to show himself. Praying that the thorns quickly become the blessings that only God can bring. Praying that those that surround you can lift you up and bear this grief and pain. Just as you said, I have been praying the Lord allow me to carry some grief to make your burdens lighter.

    Praying that God put a hedge of protection around your entire family.

  • Lauren

    Angie,

    I thank you from the bottom of my heart for the strength that you have shown. I know that sometimes we feel so weak, but even in moments of your weakness I have been more led to Christ and for that I thank you thank you thank you.

    I am in prayer again today for you, Todd, the girls, Nicol and Greg and their children. I cannot imagine how hard this has been on you all and I ask God to allow me to carry some of your burdens. I also ask that He wrap his arms around you all and bring you comfort in this time.

    I look forward to the day we meet, Angie. You have no idea.

    Lauren

  • Seabolt

    Still lifting you all up in prayers today…

    Jen Seabolt

  • Ang baylis

    From one Angie to another… I am on my knees this morning and I’ll definitely write them a note!
    Peace and Love,
    Angie xoxo

  • Monica

    I know this is not the testimony or witness you would have chosen for yourself…if we could make things different we definantly would have…but just know that God is using you and the trials you are having to continue to endure to build His glory. I hope in some small way that will bring comfort and peace…I am praying…we are praying. Thank you for being willing to share your story and your life with people you don’t even know.

  • Cheri

    When you said your vision is God whispering follow me, I couldn’t help but think of this

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=womlBofPhk4

    It’s a song and video and if you watch it to the end you’ll see why it instantly came to mind at the words follow me.

    I am praing for all of you.

    But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Matthew 6:33

  • Laurie

    Your families have been on my heart non-stop and I am asking the Lord to carry you, each and every one of you.
    Praying for all you asked and for the unspoken things that He knows. My heart aches for the pain you all are going through. May you feel His loving arms around you today and the days ahead. He will not forsake you, He promises.

    Healing Love to you today,
    Laurie in Ca.

  • Jess :)

    Ang,

    I was up for a majority of the night…just thinking about you and Todd and Greg, Nicol and Summer. I feel like I prayed all night! :) Thank you, again, for keeping us updated. It means so much that you are so willing and lead to share your life and your family’s lives with us and for that, I’m grateful! I shared Greg and Nicol’s story at my Bible Study yesterday…so there are many more people praying, also. I know our prayers are being heard!
    I pray that you will have continued strength to minister to Greg, Nicol and Summer in these days to come. May the Lord continue to bless you and those around you!
    Lots of Love,
    Jess :)

  • Rebecca

    I’ve been praying for you and your family. For the siblings and cousins who are confused. For the aunts and uncles to have words of comfort, for the grandparents to grieve but know it’s going to be okay, and for the parents to find their way through this confusing time, to lean on each other and God to get through this unthinkable, unreal time in their lives.

    I also want to thank you, in this time of great sadness, I’ve found encouragement in the words you’ve written (really that Luke wrote) to “follow me”. Thank you.

  • Honea Household

    I am still praying for you and Greg and Nicol. Praying hard and constant.

  • Michelle

    Angie if you get a chance stop by my blog today and see how God is using you and these sweet babies

    http://paperglueetc.wordpress.com/

  • valerie

    “Heavenly Father, be with Nicole and Greg today as they make preparations with the funeral home. Give them a peace that only You can give. Hold them in Your strong arms. We don’t understand all of this, but You have a plan and we trust You. Be there for each family member and each friend ministering to them today. In Jesus’ name, amen.”
    I love this song and can’t wait for the day we are in heaven all together with Jesus.

    “What A Day That Will Be”

    There is coming a day,
    When no heart aches shall come,
    No more clouds in the sky,
    No more tears to dim the eye
    All is peace forever more
    On that happy golden shore
    What a day, glorious day that will be.

    There’ll be no sorrow there
    No more burdens to bear
    No more sickness, no pain
    No more parting over there
    And forever I will be
    With the One who died for me
    What a day, glorious day that will be

    What a day that will be
    When my Jesus I shall see
    And I look upon His face,
    The One who saved me by His grace
    When He takes me by the hand
    And leads me through the Promised Land
    What a day, glorious day that will be

    Angie,
    Thank you for the updates. I’m praying!
    Love you,
    Valerie

  • Aimee

    Angie, I am praying for you!! I can only imagine how difficult this must be. I will also keep Greg and Nicol in my prayers. Since hearing the news, I have often thought of them. I think this is every new mom’s worst fear. I know so many times I walk in on my Anna and she is so still, and the panic begins to rise, until I just have to touch her, just to see if she stirs. Even risking waking her up. I think often of that moment Nicol found Luke; how she may have had that same feeling. How that terror rose in her and then never left. My heart aches for her. I will pray that she and Greg do not burden their hearts with the “if onlys”. I know you can help them through this Angie. I know it will be so difficult, but you can do this. On a separate note, I am also wondering how your girls are doing and how they are processing this. It is so hard for adults to grasp why this happened so I have been thinking often of how they are doing. Be sure to rest and care for yourself.

    Love & Prayers
    Aimee Wade
    Avon, NY

  • mom22girls

    I am praying right now that you and the Spongerg’s continue to follow the Lord through these tough days, I am praying the Lord allows me to share the grief for you and the Sponbergs.
    Love in Christ

  • Fran

    Oh Angie..all of you….
    I am praying for you. Praying hard for the things you have said.
    God never leaves His throne and He is beautiful. His ways are so much higher than ours and we have to believe that.

    cling tighter than ever to that cross…He carries us.
    Love,
    Fran
    TN

  • Kristi

    Continuing to pray for you and your family through the valley…God is good, all the time…even when we don’t understand.

  • Rusty and Jennifer

    I have been following your blog for weeks and have been so touched by your story. Tonight, I found out why God led me to your blog. My friend, Kristi’s baby was diagnosed today with the same condition as Audrey. I pray that I can minister to her better because of what I have learned from you. When she is ready, I pray that she will read your words as well and find some comfort and encouragement.
    I am so heartbroken for your family and continue to pray for each of you.

  • The Yartym’s

    Thank you, Angie, for sharing what you all are going through. I read and pray daily for your family. Thank you for keeping us informed during this difficult time. I know the Lord is doing miraculous things through you, and through this blog. You are touching countless people with your writing.

    Until we meet, my prayers and thoughts are with your sweet family,
    Mallory

  • lori

    Praying for you all.

    Follow me. That was beautiful.

  • blessedwith5

    Angie . . .
    My head swirls as I read through your posts. I cannot imagine the grief you and yours are going through. I do know that through the valleys God continues to remain on the Throne – just waiting to hear from His children. I am sure there will be moments of anger and questioning – just Talk to God – He like no one on earth Totally Understands.

  • Sun

    I am so very sorry for you and for your sister-in-law – actually sorry for everyone that has been touched by the loss and heartache…I will be in prayer…I think about you both at various times during the day. Since I know neither of you personally I can only say that God is calling me to pray for you and to encourage when I can – but more than anything to pray! Your heart is beautiful! Sunshine

  • Amanda

    I can truly sense the fatigue in your words. I continue to pray.

  • Susie Harris

    My brother lost his second child, a son the same way. It was New Years eve and they went in to check on him… It was a sad day. No reason… just stopped breathing. The Lord gives and takes away BUT he is always faithful…. Susie H

  • Celie

    Angie, Yes, you FOLLOW HIM! When we come to those cross roads we have the choice girlfriend. Walk our rather run into his arms or fall by the way side I choose the way of the cross and know that is what you choose. Stand strong on his word. Phi 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me. Joh 15:4 Abide in me, and I in you. Joh 15:2 every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit. Hold on press towards the mark of your high calling. Yes, you are week but he is strong. The pain of this is so deep your wounds are fresh still oozing. Get alone with God today abide in his word. If you can’t think for self right now, your mind mush, go to the place in you soul he had you when you were walking with him through “my life as a broken pitcher”. He is waiting their for you dear one. God alone will give you and Todd the strength to walk these day as you not only grieve for your wound but also you know what Greg and Nicol are feeling. He is your hidding place seek him today spend time with him.Receive the prayers that we lift up for you in this weekness. Get a cup of cool living water! Love in Christ

  • Wade’s World

    Oh the tears….you are in my deepest thoughts and prayers.

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Brad & Shana

    Angie,

    Thank you again for the update. We are so concerned and just constantly want to know more how to pray.

    Your insight about “follow me” was so incredibly beautiful….such an inspiration. Keep clinging to the cross and run to HIM, your refuge.

    We really and truly are praying with you and for you and your entire family.

    Shana Farmer
    Dalton, GA

  • Jill

    I left a comment in your previous post, but being somewhat internet illiterate I don’t know if you read it. Your posts about your family’s loss of little Luke have rung so true for me, I went through the same with my family just a month ago, when we lost my little niece Addilynn in the same manner as Luke. How similar our stories are, and both so tragic. My sister Heather and brother in law Jack didn’t return home for a week after she passed, and loving friends took care of all the baby stuff for them. They got new furniture and changed rooms around. Such a life changing experience. Just know that you are not alone in your grief, and I’m praying everyday. So many little babies up in heaven, They have so many playmates!

  • Anonymous

    I have spent the last 2 days reading all of your posts and all about Audrey. I can only say that in the words that you have written I have physically felt your pain, grief, loss and joy.

    Unlike you, I grew up in the Catholic church, but your faith and understanding of the Lord is so much greater than I could ever imagine.

    We all have our crosses to bear and currently mine has me angry with God. I have always been afraid to be angry or disappointed with God, I have always felt selfish to request prayers on my behalf. After reading your blog you have inspired me to find out more about my faith and God and that it is OK to be angry and disappointed and that we all need prayers in our life daily and that it is not selfish to ask others to pray for us and our struggles.

    I have a 20 month old daughter and every time I have looked at her in the last 48 hours I have seen Audrey and thanked God that he sent your story to me. Every time I hug her, I hug Audrey for you!

    I cannot express the sorrow that I am feeling for your family now at the loss of Luke. Please know that your family is in my thoughts and most importantly my prayers.

  • Elizabeth S

    I don’t even have any words. It is at times like this that I am thankful the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don’t know what to say. Praying…

  • Corey Re’

    For we have not stopped praying. We know that God is bigger than death, bigger than grief, and bigger than anything else that can be found in this crazy world. He does not leave us in the pain, but Carries us out of it. May you and your family feel his arms, so close around you, that there IS NO ROOM for doubt.

    I walk I fall, I get up again, and meanwhile I keep trusting…

    Corin Sandlin

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    I sit here and cry and pray because that is all I can do for all of you.

    I cant help but think that just the other day, when you recorded Audreys song, you made a comment that you made a versions that says “HE” for those that lost a son.

    God spoke to you, so that Luke would have his song as well. What a mighty voice He has.

    Please know that you are not alone, we love you!

    Erin

  • Barbara

    Angie, I came to your blog just a few days ago and after that, realized you were married to Todd who sings in Selah. It has been a weird revelation of events for me b/c Nicol’s song resurrection has been very powerful for me and I had no idea she was Todd’s sister. I have done nothing but think and pray for you and your families for the last 48 hours. I am struggling so hard in my walk to truly know God and my heart is just breaking for you. Thank you for sharing your faith and your strength and ministering to me and so many. I’m sending huge (((HUGS))) from Dallas.

  • walkingbyfaith

    Thank you so much again for this update.

    I pray even now for strength and energy for you, Greg, Nicol, Todd, and the whole family. I pray that God will just carry you when you feel like you can’t walk another step. I pray He will continue to give you all peace.

    Tears came as I read about Audrey & Luke dancing together. I know they are having the time of their little lives. I believe with my whole heart that God is taking wonderful care of them and I pray now, that He will take care of you and your family as you wade through all the emotions and decisions to come.

    Thank you for your faith and love.

    My heart aches for you and I pray that God will lighten your heartache.

    Love you!

  • jandfran

    Lord,
    Today I pray specifically for Your Father arms to wrap up this family tight. I don’t know what to pray right now. I just lay at Your feet with a heart for brothers and sisters who are greiving…and in a small way grieve with them

    Lord, thank You for Your Spirit that intercedes on my behalf. Thank You for always working for good…even when that means suffering. May we fellowship in the sufferings so that we may also fellowship in the victory.

    In Christ’s Name, who was and is and is to come…amen.

    -Frances

  • sumi

    Oh Angie, your words moved me so much. Please know I am, and have been, praying.

    Going home wasn’t easy for us either but there was this awesome Grace that carried us, and I know that Jesus will carry Nichol and Greg too.

    I am struggling to find words to convey how deeply I feel for you all but I know that my prayers can avail much.

    Hugs, prayers, and much love in Jesus,
    Sumi

  • godzgaljen

    I cry whenever I read anything you write. God is changing me through all of this…reading what all you have faced…your family has faced. I am praying throughout the day for Nicol, Greg, Todd and you. I pray for all of your parents and kids as well. I cannot imagine how hard it would be to step foot back in the house…to see his things…his room..that crib. My heart just breaks.

  • Kelly

    Angie – I’m thinking you today as I’m sure Audrey is as much on your mind as Luke is. I have been thinking about the Chapman family today also. I’m wondering why God allows bad things happen to such Godly people. I don’t have any answers and I won’t until I get to heaven (but I plan on showing up with a list!)
    Thinking, thinking, thinking of you (and of course praying).

  • shelly

    I am new to your blog as of just this week. In fact, I started reading it the day that you first posted of Luke’s passing. I am grieving with you and your family and praying to a God Who never fails to give each of you exactly what you need in these hours.

    Is. 55:8-13

    love and blessings,
    Shelly

  • Brittany

    My heart breaks for you and for Greg and Nicol. My prayers are all over you all. I pray for peace and renewewd joy in the midst of it all.

  • Jenna

    Continuing to pray for y’all so very much.

  • Candes

    I think as parents we all can feel a measure of pain when a child passes. We imagine losing our own child.

    The pain is great. The weight heavy and yet it wasn’t one of my children.

    Where do you go if not to the Lord? Who can rescue you from this hole, if not the Lord? How do you go on, if not by reaching for His hand and trusting Him to lead the way? How do you breathe again? Ask the Giver of life and death.

  • Christina

    I can’t imagine what they must be going through… and what your whole family must be going through. But thank you for updating and sharing… the whole family will be in my prayers.

  • Raechel

    Angie,
    Our girls both went to heaven on April 7th. Tomorrow should be my due date. I am painfully close to the grief that you all are feeling. When I cry out to the Lord you are often in my prayers as well. I know how it hurts and aches. How newly and desperately real “never” feels when it comes to holding my baby on earth again. I also know that the sovereign God we serve will not leave us here.

    I am so sorry for you in the loss of your sweet nephew. I think of Todd & Nicol’s parents and what it must be like for them to lose two sweet grandbabies. As I ache for myself I am also aching for you and your family. You have been in my prayers for seven weeks and will continue to be.

    Raechel

  • The Harper Family

    I will keep praying as hard as I can for your family. I hate so much that you all are enduring this type of pain. Please know that I am lifting you up in constant prayer throughout my day. You are touching so many lives, Angie. You won’t even know the magnitute of this blog until you reach heaven.
    Love from Arkansas,
    Lori

  • Randi

    There are no words for what your family has gone through over these months. We’re praying for all of you.

  • chesley

    My heart is breaking with each word I read. I pray that should I ever experience the pain that you and your family have that I could remain as strong and steadfast in my faith as you have. You are an inspiration to so many people right now!

  • Francine

    Angie,
    There are so many awesome verses that you use in your post expetially latley that I have started writing them and printing them off and framing them through out my house. They are a constant reminder of a amazing woman and a faith that beyond anything I could ever have. Everytime my husband and I look at those verses we will stop and remember and pray. God bless you and keep you.
    In christ,
    FrancineHOwell

  • Luanne

    What a beautiful insight God gave you to look up Luke 5:27. The vision of Jesus standing beside Luke as he gently called him to follow is a comforting reminder to all of us of just how much he loves us. Someday when the rawness is lessened I pray that Gregg and Nicole will take much comfort in the same sweet vision.
    Luanne

  • Mattam

    You are loved and your entire family and extended are in my prayers!

  • Kathleen in TX

    I am praying for you, your family and for Greg, Nicol and Summer. You are all on my heart.

  • Tasha

    As I type these words right now,I am holding my 3 day old daughter Avery Grace.She was born on May 27th,the same day that Luke passed away.Oh I cannot even imagine the pain that your family is feeling.It really is incomprehendable.My best friend who introduced me to your blog back in February called me the night she found out about Luke.She hesitated to tell me the news since I had just given birth.I am glad she did though,as I was able to pray in a way I have never prayed before.I sobbed uncontolably as I cried out to Jesus on behalf of this family.My baby’s middle name Grace is in honor of your sweet Audrey.I have already had a couple of people ask about the significance of her name and I have been able to share your story with them.Because it is only because of His grace that we can even think about getting through such a tragey.I will continue to pray for your whole family.How I long to meet you.As one mommy to another.As sister’s in Christ.I love you Angie in a way that I can’t understand.~Tasha~

  • Anonymous

    I tend to think of you often as i think of my Avery who’s in heaven. The last few days have had it moments of being hard and my heart aches as i read about Luke. He was born 4 days after Avery and knowing he’s in heaven with Audrey and Avery is comforting. They all have one another to play with. I am praying for you and your family! GoD BLESS! Trina A, Murfreesboro, TN

  • The Thompsons

    You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I read your posts filled with grief for you and your family yet there is so much hope as I read your words. Your faith and your belief will lead you to happier times and are what will get you through these rough ones.

    God bless!

  • Byron Nichols

    My prayers are continuing….

    Isaiah 42:16 – I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

  • Anonymous

    Oh my. I am sitting here crying for you and for Audrey and Luke and Nicol and Greg. I am crying for me and the son that I lost 6 short months ago. I hate that there is nothing anyone can do to ease the pain that parents feel when they lose a child. But I know that God has a plan. I know it is a plan far greater than what I could have dreamed of, but I don’t know what that plan is. Does this happen to good people like us to bring us together? It is like you were brought to me just when I needed you. I needed someone so strong, spiritually, to step into my life and guide me.

    Thank you for all the words you write and the messages you have brought me. It has helped in my healing – more than you will ever know. And I will pray for Luke – I know that he is dancing his way through Heaven with our angels. I will pray for Nicol and Greg that they find their way through this. And I will continue to pray for you, Todd, Audrey and your girls here on Earth.
    Sara, Kentucky

  • Scott Asbell

    Thank you for your updates. We will continue our prayers for you and your family as well as Nicol’s. Our heart just goes out to you all.

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • (((((HUGS))))) sandi

    I clicked over for the beautiful letter to your daughter and am so sorry to learn of this loss. Prayers are going up! (((((HUGS))))) sandi

  • Sandi

    My heart has been so heavy for all of you in the last few days. I’m praying that I be allowed to help carry your family’s grief, and am especially thinking of your parents-in-law today. I also know from experience how very difficult this day is for you. May God richly and completely supply all your needs, and bless you beyond all that we can think or even imagine.

    Sandi, San Antonio, Texas

  • have a lovely

    my sister “introduced” me to your blog…your story. Your life…real, your story…heartbreaking, your words…humbling, your strength…inspiring, your God…streadfast… and so glad He’s also mine!

    What a beautiful family you have…I am praying for you all through today and tomorrow I will pray for you to make it through tomorrow and again the next day. I am praying for you as you hand over yet another child of God back into His hands despite no understanding…just faith and what a wonderful and truly awe-inspiring testament of faith you are.

  • FranknSteph

    Just met you today. I will be praying for you and your family. This all strikes so close to my heart as I have lost 3. Two of the 4 God has allowed me to have on earth are my Luke and Audrey. I completely understand the “how many children do you have?” dilemma. I always want to say 7 because I don’t want any of them to be forgotten. Thank you for your encouragement through your story and the reminder again to thank Him for how God has changed my life through His story for me.

  • R. Kristina

    Counselor A. Philip Parham says, “Loss must be experienced in order to be shared, and it must be shared in order to be healed.” Your gentle, vulnerable spirit is blessing me and your readers in the middle of your pain. Thank you.

    Also, I wanted to share this piece from Counselor Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse. She says, ” Faith is the thread we hang onto when our life is falling apart. We experience it when we see the power of an ocean and the fragility of a dried up dandelion. And we know that in such times we are in touch with the Spirit… …The [Holy] Spirit comes to us like wind blowing through and through – taking away pretenses, games, phoniness. We are who we are. We are set free. And free people help set others free.”

    If you’d like the Devotional Bible both these pieces came from, I happen to have the link in my recent post titled, “Getting the Hang of This…”

    I have placed you on my link list.

    May He hold you gently,
    R

  • Tara

    I’m praying. I weep for the loss of two sweet babies.

  • Linda

    Dear Angie,
    I began reading your blog just a few days ago. I am so sorry for the loss your family is experiencing. We are walking through much sorrow as well. I thought that when you have some time you might find comfort in a post a dear friend of mine has written. I think it will minister to you as it has me. She can say things so much more beautifully than I can.
    Here is her blog address
    http://aholyexperience.com/
    I hope her exquisite words will bless you.
    I will be praying for all of you.

  • Dusty

    Your story amazes me, and I do not know the right words to say to a grieving mother. However as I read your story for the first time yesterday I mourned with you, Sara, and now your sister in law. And as I read I kept singing a song that I want to share with you and those who read this blog. I can only hope that you can draw strenth from the words and peace from knowing that God’s promises envelope you and your family.

    I Will Praise You In This Storm
    by Casting Crowns

    I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
    and wiped our tears away,
    stepped in and saved the day.
    But once again, I say amen
    and it’s still raining
    as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
    “I’m with you”
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away.

    And I’ll praise you in this storm
    and I will lift my hands
    for You are who You are
    no matter where I am
    and every tear I’ve cried
    You hold in your hand
    You never left my side
    and though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

    I remember when I stumbled in the wind
    You heard my cry to You
    and raised me up again
    my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
    if I can’t find You
    and as the thunder rolls
    I barely hear You whisper through the rain
    “I’m with you”
    and as Your mercy falls
    I raise my hands and praise
    the God who gives and takes away

    And I’ll praise you in this storm
    and I will lift my hands
    for You are who You are
    no matter where I am
    and every tear I’ve cried
    You hold in your hand
    You never left my side
    and though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

    I lift my eyes onto the hills
    where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
    I lift my eyes onto the hills
    where does my help come from?
    My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

    And I’ll praise you in this storm
    and I will lift my hands
    for You are who You are
    no matter where I am
    and every tear I’ve cried
    You hold in your hand
    You never left my side
    and though my heart is torn
    I will praise You in this storm

  • Mocha with Linda

    Oh my – I am in tears. I cannot express how heartbroken I am. I adore Nicol’s voice, and she has ministered to me so many times. In fact, in response to your invitation to ask you questions, I had asked how extended members of your family were dealing with the grief over Audrey, including Nicol and Todd’s folks.

    Please wrap your arms around them for all of us. Your grief, theirs, the Chapmans. . . .it’s too much. Come quickly Lord!

  • S Mosley

    spent last night praying for another sweet couple from Grace. they have walked and are continuing to walk through a LONG adoption process. as we closed our time of prayer for them, Nicol and Luke were mentioned. we closed our time of prayer for the Sponbergs and for you & Todd, Angie. your family is dearly loved and was supported in prayer specifically last night…and will continue to be. thank you for taking the time to list specific ways to pray. they are VERY helpful. much love to you!
    suzanne mosley :)

  • Sara

    From personal experience, it will never be okay that these babies Audrey and Luke died…never. But oneday, as their mama’s and dada’s you all will find that it’s okay that you lived.

    I’m praying for both of you, and that you all keep leaning on Gods ever lasting love.

  • Anonymous

    Truly, our God is real and knows our needs perfectly. He knew that I needed to come visit your blog today, as I cry over the overwhelming guilt I feel regarding the death of my daughter, who was also named Audrey. She was born still on April 21, and I have found some healing in reading your journey of grief that so closely mirrors mine. How closely I did not know until I saw that your due date was May 29 – the same as mine. I am in awe of a God who orchestrates the universe to bring two mothers together, both sharing the same due date and the same name for their precious girls. I will email you to share more of my story, but I just had to post to say that I am so glad that your Audrey Caroline was there to welcome my Audrey Ruth into heaven, and that they were both there to welcome precious Luke. God is good all the time, and I cling to that.

  • Julie

    I am praying for you, as you mark the date of being due. I know you are aching and hurting, I send hugs and lot’s of prayers.

    I am praying for Nicole and Greg as they struggle. I am praying the lies of the enemy will be silenced and they will hear the voice of the Lord to comfort them.

    I don’t know how he will work all these things together for good but I hold on to his promise:

    And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

  • Missy @ It’s Almost Naptime

    Angie, I have thought that this is the kind of thing that can cause even the most faithful to give up. And I have prayed that your entire family would be given an extra surge of peace.

    I am blessed to hear that perhaps my prayer was answered.

    You might find comfort in Ann Voskamp’s recent posts:

    http://aholyexperience.com/2008/05/choice.html

    Praying for the Holy Spirit to carry you all in the days ahead, swaddled in blankets of hope.

  • Anonymous

    I read this today and thought it to be very fitting- Hope it ministers.

    Streams In the Desert for May 30

    “And no man could learn that song but the hundred and forty and four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth.” (Rev. 14:3.)

    THERE are songs which can only be learned in the valley. No art can teach them; no rules of voice can make them perfectly sung. Their music is in the heart. They are songs of memory, of personal experience. They bring out their burden from the shadow of the past: they mount on the wings of yesterday.

    St. John says that even in Heaven there will be a song that can only be fully sung by the sons of earth─the strain of redemption. Doubtless it is a song of triumph, a hymn of victory to the Christ who made us free. But the sense of triumph must come from the memory of the chain.

    No angel, no archangel can sing it so sweetly as I can. To sing it as I sing it, they must pass through my exile, and this they cannot do. None can learn it but the children of the Cross.

    And so, my soul, thou art receiving a music lesson from thy Father. Thou art being educated for the choir invisible. There are parts of the symphony that none can take but thee.

    There are chord too minor for the angels. There may be heights in the symphony which are beyond the scale heights which angels alone can reach; but there are depth which belong to thee, and can only be touched by thee.

    Thy Father is training thee for the part the angels cannot sing; and the school is sorrow. I have heard many say that He sends sorrow to prove thee; nay, he sends sorrow to educate thee, to train thee for the choir invisible.

    In the night He is preparing thy song. In the valley He is tuning thy voice. In the cloud He is deepening thy chords. In the rain He is sweetening thy melody. In the cold He is moulding thy expression. In the transition from hope to fear He is perfecting thy lights.

    Despise not thy school of sorrow, O my soul; it will give thee a unique part in the universal song. — George Matheson.

    “Is the midnight closing round you?
    Are the shadows dark and long?
    Ask Him to come close beside you,
    And He’ll give you a new, sweet song.
    He’ll give it and sing it with you;
    And when weakness lets it down,
    He’ll take up the broken cadence,
    And blend it with His own.

    “And many a rapturous minstrel,
    Among those sons of light,
    Will say of His sweetest music,
    ` I learned it in the night.’
    And many a rolling anthem,
    That fills the Father’s home,
    Sobbed out its first rehearsal,
    In the shade of a darkened room.”

  • Laura

    I am praying for all of you. I lost my 19 yr. old daughter just six short weeks ago. She was killed by a drunk driver. I have to say that I have been completely carried through this experience by our Lord and I pray the same for all of your family.
    Laura Turner

  • katblu

    I attended Barbara Fairchild’s worship service here in Branson last Sunday and heard a song that just touched my heart. It is called “Hold Him in Heaven” and she wrote it for her seven month son who was taken from them due to a rare medical condition. I really think you will like it.

  • betty

    I am praying! When I lost my brother in March, I was suprised that as a grounded, sold out christian I could grieve so greatly. Even knowing our loved one is in a much much better place doesn’t keep us from wishing they were here. My prayer for your family and Nicole’s is that, as you have been so faithful in ministering to others, God would now minister to you through those who serve him. I feel and share your pain. God bless you all abundantly with His peace and blessed assurance that all is well.
    betty

  • Martha

    I just came across your blog through Missy at It’s Almost Naptime. You write so beautifully and with such determination about your life and the lives of those around you. Many prayers and blessings are leaving my home and finding their way to yours. Take care.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie,

    I have read your post for the last 3 days and have started writing a comment several times and the words escape me. I so wish I knew some awe inspiring words to wrap around your family at this time but I am at a loss. I have never suffered the loss of a child and cannot begin to comprehend the ache that you and Nicol must be feeling. I keep praying and the only answer I seem to be getting is the book of Job, I know other people have referenced it, which truly leads me to believe that God is speaking thru that chapter in His word. I imagine that satan was quiet proud of himself when you received Audrey’s diagnoses and what did God let happen in return? He gave you the strength to start a blog that has begun somewhat of a revival among women of faith and some who maybe never even had Christ in their lives have been lead to him through your trials. So, not unlike Job, you shunned Satan and proceeded to praise our risen Lord. What a kick in the pants that must have been for Satan. So now he is again trying to raise up and stop what you, through God, have begun. So now like Job again, you and your family must cling to God in your time of grief and even though you will never understand, know that God almighty is still in charge, everyday, he is in command. I try to think what Job’s family must’ve thought … how much more can he take? how long can he remain faithful? is he insane? all it would’ve taken was to forsake our Lord once, just once. I am so glad you have the heart of Job, what a precious but heavy burden to bare. I have to admit, I am probably much more like Peter, I would’ve sunk to the bottom of the ocean by now for taking my eyes off of Jesus during the raging storm, I would’ve probably denied God a hundred times, not just three times. And then I would’ve been oh so sorry that I did and come, once again, begging God for his abundant mercy. Please know that there are people the world over praying for your family, on bended knee’s begging God to let us take just a small portion of your familes grief, as you asked. He has not forsaken you, He will never forsake you.

  • Terynn

    Audrey, Luke and Elliot are all playing under the watchful, adoring gaze of the Maker.

    I cannot imagine how much child is missed, but I believe that you know that they are safe and that you will see them again.

    That fact is seems so small and yet it is everything.

    With you in prayer during this time,

  • Anonymous

    Angie, As I read your blog and think of the burdens and grief your family bears, it is such a beautiful thing to also read the comments. This is truly a display of Galatians 6:2 “bear one another’s burdens”. I am sitting here on my couch with tears streaming down my face and truly my heart hurts for you all. Believe me when I say that when you are too upset to pray, there are people standing in the gap for you. We are here praying to the God we all love and adore knowing that He understands everything when we seem to know nothing. Praying, Crying, Praying… Leigh Ann from Nashville, TN

  • Anonymous

    What a grat witness you are to willingly walk with your family through this…knowing He loves you …knowing He is loving on those sweet little babies. I will keep praying for you and yours. T in GA

  • Kelly

    I found your blog when checking the Selah site about Nicol. I spent the last two nights reading Audrey’s story. I am moved by your openess about your struggles. My husband and I had our first child for 48 hours with no real warning about what was coming. I can so relate to several of the feelings you have shared. It has been eleven years and I still get weepy about things at times. My strength during those times comes from knowing that my Meagan will be waiting at the gate for me. How real heaven has become for me since then. I have no words to pray for Nicol and for you. I know that God knows my thoughts and feelings and doesn’t need my words. Know that you are surrounded by His love at all times and he will use you to help Nicol and her family at this time. You can grieve with her in a way that someone who has not lost a child can. I will keep you all in my “wordless” prayers. Keep writing your amazing blog.

  • mom2rebels

    I found your blog tonight after my husband came home and mentioned he had heard about Nicol’s little one going to be with Jesus. Praying for all of you…

  • Searching

    I am praying hard for all your specific requests. I am so sorry tragedy has struck again in your loving family. It’s so unfair and I’m so sorry. Praying for you all.

  • Misty

    I have read through all of your blog tonight after my good friend sent me to it, I don’t even know what to say. There are just no words! My heart goes out to you and your family and now your BIL and SIL and their family. Your faith AMAZES me!!! All that you have been through, how you aren’t in the fetal position in your bed with the covers over your head I don’t know. I am mad at God for you and its not even me that has gone through this. I just want to scream WHY???? My friend and I were talking about it and we decided that it just shows how immature we are in our faith (although we have had a relationship with Christ for a long time) and how STRONG you are in yours.

    Again you amaze me and I pray that God will bless you and your family and that he will pull you and your familes through this horrible time.

    God Bless,
    Misty

  • Pizza by the Sea

    God bless you and your family. Your words always touch me, but especially tonight. Having just dealt with your own tragedy, praying the Lord will let you share the grief. I am humbled and encouraged by your faith. Thank you for your transparency. Praying, praying, praying.

  • Laura

    Angie,
    I am so very sorry for this tragedy and will be praying for your in-laws.

  • SharonB

    Angie I haven’t been here for awhile, and I don’t know if I’ve ever posted anything, but felt compeled to after reading about Luke. I can not imagine the pain, grief and heartbreak for all of you.

    God is near, even if you do not feel Him He is near and I know that you all know that…but it is my prayer that you will feel the very presence of God through this time and through your own grief process.

    PS. I read your broken pitcher post…wonderful! I am speaking at a retreat in the fall and as I read that post I felt God say to me “use this”. So I am praying even now how He desires me to use it…I’ll let you know.

  • Darrell and Angie Campbell

    I found your blog through one of my good friend’s. I just started blogging a few short months ago. Your courage to share your life’s stories are truly inspiring to me. I cry with you, and your family and Todd’s family are in my prayers.
    My name is also Angie, and it means Angel. I can tell that you are a true angel to all around you, and you have several angels in Heaven with both Audrey and Luke to watch over you now.

    Angie Campbell – League City, TX
    I can’t wait to meet you!

  • barbarajeanmalley

    Dear Angie,
    I am in awe & wonder at the way you have conducted yourself in the midst of such grief & suffering. You are the epitome of how a Christian woman should be. Your Husband and children are so blessed to have you in their lives. You wear your heart on your sleeve and the way that you express yourself is so beautiful and so true that it minister’s right to the center of people’s hearts.
    It is so obvious that God is going to use your writing ability, your pure heart and the tender, graceful way that you grieve to minister to people who have suffered tragedies. People who are in need of hope & healing in the midst of their own oppressive pain & hopelessness…………….pain that goes to the marrow of their bones…………………Only God can heal a broken heart.
    He will turn your misery into your ministry and give you beauty for your ashes. I believe He is going to take you places and use you in ways that you have never even dreamed of. It’s so plain to see.
    You have inspired me Angie to do better in the midst of my own family tragedy. You are an inspiration to me.
    May God bless you and may His face shine upon you and your family.

    THE BIGGER THE BATTLE, THE BIGGER THE VICTORY!

    Sincerely, Barb

  • Blogs by Danielle

    I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I am praying Luke’s parents, and of course, I am praying for you. My heart is breaking.

    Blessings,

    Danielle

  • barbarajeanmalley

    Dear Angie,
    I am in awe & wonder at the way you have conducted yourself in the midst of such grief & suffering. You are the epitome of how a Christian woman should be. Your Husband and children are so blessed to have you in their lives. You wear your heart on your sleeve and the way that you express yourself is so beautiful and so true that it minister’s right to the center of people’s hearts.
    It is so obvious that God is going to use your writing ability, your pure heart and the tender, graceful way that you grieve to minister to people who have suffered tragedies. People who are in need of hope & healing in the midst of their own oppressive pain & hopelessness…………….pain that goes to the marrow of their bones…………………Only God can heal a broken heart.
    He will turn your misery into your ministry and give you beauty for your ashes. I believe He is going to take you places and use you in ways that you have never even dreamed of. It’s so plain to see.
    You have inspired me Angie to do better in the midst of my own family tragedy. You are an inspiration to me.
    May God bless you and may His face shine upon you and your family.

    THE BIGGER THE BATTLE, THE BIGGER THE VICTORY!

    Sincerely, Barb

  • Anonymous

    Angie- I have been following you since you started this blog before Audrey, and then to read about Luke was soo sad, know that we are preaying for you and your family and Lukes parents may they find the strength, I cant imagine. we are praying about you all
    We love you
    Tiffany, Nashville

  • Lauren

    Angie,
    Please be assured that prayers are constantly being said for you and your entire family.
    Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me…”; He also said that we are to come to him with faith like a child.
    In the days Luke lived, I’m sure his parents never imagined that his testimony would be as powerful as it is, even though he was so tiny. Just as I’m sure you never imagined your infant daughter’s would be more powerful than your own.
    Please tell Greg and Nicol that tears are being shed for them.
    ~ Lauren

  • queenie76

    Angie,
    Tanks so much for the update. You and the family continue to be in my prayers.
    Peace of Christ to you.
    Tara

  • Anonymous

    My thoughts and prayers are with you all during this time. You are an amazing family who has brought faith back into my life through the sharing of your trials. My deepest sympathies and prayers go with you.

  • david

    i have followed your blog since my wife brought it to my attention. it has been encouraging to see you cling so closely to christ in the midst of such sorrow and loss. it will never make complete sense how paul could write that he was “sorrowful yet always rejoicing” (2 corinthians 6:10). this only makes sense because of christ! and i pray it will be true for you.

    you may not know about john piper or his books or ministry (check out http://www.desiringgod.org), but he has made a huge impact in my life in so many ways – one way being in his glorious exaltation of the sovereignty of god. oh how we need to know this truth and rejoice in it in the midst of tragedy.

    in 2005, i went to one of the desiring god national conferences. the theme was “suffering and the sovereignty of god.” i think you might be encouraged by some of the messages, so here is the link if you are interested.

    http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/ConferenceMessages/ByConference/1/

    and these messages are not from people who know suffering only in theory. they have all suffered in many ways. i was especially moved by the talk by steve saint. he is not an eloquent speaker like many of the others, but he spoke so much from his heart in such a simple manner. he is the son of nate saint. nate and four other missionaries, including jim elliot (probably the most well-known among them), were killed when steve was a young boy. and the amazing conclusion steve had to come to, and which he expounds upon in this talk, is that god planned his father’s death! he says:

    “i don’t think god merely tolerated my dad’s death. i don’t think he turned away when it was happening. i think he planned it…don’t anybody tell me that this can’t be. if god could plan the death of his own righteous son (acts 2:22-23), why couldn’t he plan the death of my dad?”

    later in life, his daughter died in his arms of a brain aneurism. and he concludes that god planned her death as well.

    amazing man. amazing resources. check them out.

    praying,
    david

  • Gerene Kropscott

    Dear Angie,
    I am a sister and friend in our Lord Jesus. I am praying and grieving with you……the Holy Spirit has whispered……
    Peace, Gerene

  • Faith

    Continuing to pray for your entire family as you walk through the unimaginable grief. May our God be your shield, your glory and the lifter of your head. I pray that He sustains you in the days to come. Love in Jesus, Faith

  • Laurie

    Hi Angie,

    Checking in on this Saturday morning to let you know that all of you are in my prayers. May His love be felt by all of you as you trust Him in this time of deep pain and sorrow.

    Love, Laurie in Ca.

  • lisasmith

    Angie,

    God has truly touched me through your blog. The Spirit within me is groaning on your family’s behalf.

    I set a link to your site with a picture of your beautiful mended pitcher, I hope you don’t mind. :)

    May our sweet Jesus comfort you and your extended family with hope only He can give as He shelters you with his wing.

  • Anonymous

    Angie, Your family has become a part of my life over the last several months. You continue to be in my prayers, and now I’ve added Nicol, Greg and Summer into my heart.
    Lori

  • pakosta

    my heart is breaking for Greg and Nicol. I have no idea what they are going through. But I wanted to offer my prayers that they have faith and hope and feel God’s love…..
    tara

  • Connie@Little Red Hearts From God

    I have just spent the last hour reading your story….

    thank you for your heart…for God..

    It surely makes my cross look very small…

    Karen Kingsbury wrote your story…to every detail…in her firstborn series… I know you wish it was only a story.. I’m sorry..

    I am sure you are familiar with Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation… I support this group financially… I have a story on my blog… I have a heart for what you have gone through because I have been the nurse on the other end… and a Christian trying to figure it all out..

    My prayers are with you and Luke’s family..

    Connie