SURPRISE!!!


(written on Sunday evening…5/11/08…Mother’s Day)

I feel so sneaky.

I have wanted to ask for prayer for the past few weeks, but I was working on keeping a real good secret, and I am proud to say I pulled it off.

Yesterday, I went to Texas and surprised Sara.

It was the greatest, worst day I have had in a long time. I woke up at 5 a.m. after only getting about three hours of sleep, and headed for the airport (and you all know how much I love flying, right?) Well, it’s a good thing I had no idea how bad the flight would be, or I probably wouldn’t have gotten onboard. Proof that God shields you sometimes from the hard stuff coming up because He sees what you don’t, and to get to it, sometimes you just gotta get on the plane.

The poor man next to me was very patient when I asked him if I could hold his hand and then proceeded to draw blood from his forearm while screaming “Oh, Lord…NOOOOOOO LORD ..NOOOOOO!!!!!”

In an attempt to distract me (note to anyone who tries this…if someone’s head is lodged in your armpit, asking them about their day is going NOWHERE), he asked about my travel plans. I told him I was flying to Dallas and then later that day, to Pensacola. He took his pointer finger and drew a little map in the air of my flight route with a questioning look on his face.

“That seems like a strange way to go.” He wanted me to explain.

I didn’t.

Later in the flight, he fell asleep and then we hit another “patch” of air. Let me rephrase.

I saw Auntie Em.

I woke him up because I felt weird about grabbing the hand of a sleeping man I didn’t know. And because he offered me his hand again, I offered him my story.

By the time I got off the plane, I was a wreck. He helped me get into the airport, and I thanked him and asked if he wanted to meet me in 19B on a flight to Pensacola later. I was joking. He was not. I pulled the old “I have such a tiny bladder” girl trick and ducked into the bathroom. Yikes. Not a good start to the day.

Sara’s friend Debra picked me up at the airport (here’s where it starts to get better). We had a great time chatting about the big surprise, and I started to remember why I had gotten on the dumb plane in the first place

When we got to the church for Elliot’s celebration service, Debra made the “eagle has landed” call, and we got into position. As I waited for Sara to come around the corner, I just kept thinking, She’s not going to recognize me. She is just going to stare at me and not know why everyone is acting like she should be excited.

It felt like about a half an hour passed while I waited in this little office, and then I heard someone whisper, “Here she comes.”

As she rounded the corner, her eyes looked right into mine.

I don’t know how to say this other than to say it simply.

We knew each other.

She blinked, and tears started coming down her face. Lots of them and all at once. We hugged and hugged and neither wanted to let go, because it just made sense that way. We would start to talk and then halfway through a sentence we would just start hugging again. It was one of my favorite moments ever.

I got to meet her husband Brandon and all of their family and friends, and they made me feel like part of them. They have an amazing support system, thank God. Several times throughout the day, people would be looking at me and ask, “Are you Angie?” They had been following my blog because of how similar the story was to Sara’s, and as a result, had been in prayer for Audrey. I cannot tell you how much it meant to put faces to the prayers..beautiful, sweet, sincere faces. Amazing.

The service was gorgeous and God-honoring in every way. We laughed at the way it mirrored Audrey’s, even down to some of the song choices, although we had never discussed it. I kept thinking about how grateful I was to be there and be a part of it. About fifteen minutes into it, Brandon and Sara read letters to Elliot.  I started to cry (in a pretty, “Days of Our Lives” kind of way). Approximately ten seconds after that, I shifted into the “snot flying out of your nose, making sounds that only dogs can hear” mode. 

Luckily, everyone understood.
I am not exaggerating when I say that this was one of the hardest hours of my life. It was like looking into a mirror, but from a different angle. All of a sudden it felt like it was too much to bear. I kept looking at the tiny box of Elliot’s ashes on the front podium, and all of the people weeping, and I thought of a book cover that I have seen and wanted to read. It is by one of my favorite authors, Phillip Yancy, and the title is “Disappointment With God.”
As the song “It Is Well” echoed throughout the church, Brandon stood up. A father without his son. He lifted his hands to the sky and sang out the words as tears fell down his cheeks. It was the most beautiful image of the Christian walk, and I will treasure it forever. But it stung.
I was disappointed with God.
Do I praise Him? Yes.
Do I love Him deeply and with abandon? Yes.
Do I trust Him? Yes.
Am I disappointed that our children are gone? I am.
I have said it before, but it bears repeating. He isn’t intimidated by my disappointment. It doesn’t make God turn away from me because I wish that things were different sometimes, in fact, it makes Him come nearer.
I left the service and ran to the bathroom. I always thought it was a dramatic movie stunt where people acted like they were so distraught that they had to physically hold themselves up. Well, with my hands pressed into the bathroom walls, trying to remember how to breathe, I realized that there is a grief such as this. I just kept thinking, Be here with me God. Be here and hold me up. You say You are the lifter of our heads…Oh God, lift my head, lift my head…

I continued to cry through most of the conversations I had that day. I just couldn’t seem to get it together, but it felt safe. It felt tender, like a fresh wound. I wouldn’t trade it for the world, because it has carved me deeper, and made me trust Him for one more day when I thought I wouldn’t survive the hurt.
I loved being in Texas. The whole thing. I loved the way they love Jesus, the way they love each other and the way they love me. Thank you…you all know who you are…thank you.
And to Sara…
He gives and takes away.
After meeting you, I know He has done both.
Thank you for allowing me to love your son. Thank you for letting me in to the places that don’t feel good, and the ones that are just right. There has never been a doubt, since the day we first spoke, that God has had His hand in our lives. I am praying for you tonight…that He will lift your head on this bittersweet Mother’s Day. I am forever grateful that you took a chance in writing a stranger, and even more grateful that we are no longer strangers. You are such a special gift to me, Sara. Thank you.  I can’t wait to spend more time with you and watch our children play together (the other four).  We may actually find out we have some things in common one of these days… :)
As many of you may already know, the song “It Is Well” was written by a man whose four daughters had just drowned after their boat collided with another. He received a telegram from his wife, who had also been onboard, and it said only two words.
“Saved. Alone.”
As he sailed to be with his wife, he paced the decks of the ship. He asked the captain to tell him when they were passing over the bodies of his daughters, and when he was notified, he said that the words “When sorrows like sea billows roll…whatever my lot, though hath taught me to say, It is Well, it is well with my soul….”  
It is one o’clock in the morning and I am sitting on the balcony, listening to the waves crash onto the sand. I am thinking of Brandon’s arms raised to God, of the look on Sara’s face.  I am thinking about how my Audrey is in the presence of the God Who spoke it all into being. There are moments in your life when you know that God is speaking, and you just want to listen and be still.  
Sometimes He comes in a whisper, and other times, in a roar… tonight, it is the latter. I am not alone, and there is a rhythm to the chaos, even if it is just for a moment.
This Mother’s Day, it is well with my soul.
I love all of the questions you all have sent to me, and I can’t wait to dig in. Thank you for caring enough to write to a stranger…although I guess we all know how that works out…
Did I mention I am grateful?
Angie

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  • Kristin

    I happened to come across your blog some time ago. I have a friend who is going through a very similar pregancy. She finds strength and comfort in your blog. Thank you for sharing your heart and being real. I think of how your sweet Audrey has brought you so much closer to your sweet Savior. What a testimony you have of her life that will last for all of eternity. May you find rest in Him today and may He continue to fill you with peace. Rest, REst in Him. Thank you for sharing your grateful heart~

  • Alice

    I teared up reading this! What a great surprise! Yet so bittersweet. When you talked about being disappointed with God, it made me think of Mary and Martha, both saying to Jesus, “Lord, if You had been here…” and Jesus telling Martha that he was indeed the Resurrection and the Life.

    What an awesome day in so many ways you had. Thanks for sharing it!

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie and Sara,

    You could pass for sisters. I am so thankful that you could be there together for each other.

    God can take the ashes of our lives and bring beautiful gifts to us beyond our imaginations. You both have a gift in each other..thank you for allowing us to share your journeys with us.

    Love in Christ,
    Michelle

  • Susie Harris

    Oh Angie… Im so touched by both of you. I look up to you and would love to have the faith you have. I lost my brother and it still hurts so bad. I do trust that the Lord is with me. Thank you for being so open. I check on you everyday. I pray that God will comfort you and your family. take care… Susie H.

  • Valarie

    That is an awesome thing you did. Your words always seem to fit what I am going through even though the circumstances are not the same. Thank you for sharing your story with us.

  • His_Princess2008

    Oh Angie! I am so glad that you got to meet your friend Sarah. I know it was good for you. I also know it was hard. But you knowing that it def. wasn’t going to be easy still went to be with your friend! That is selflessness. That is one of the many reasons why you are so amazing. I have never been able to comment this early on the blog. It’s kinda exciting. lol :) I am still praying for you. I come and listen to your song at least once a day. It just makes me remember to praise God no matter what! Thank YOU!! If you ever need me…I am here.

    ~Dani

    p.s.- I sent some stuff for the girls and a Mother’s Day card for you. I hope you got it.

  • Marilena

    Oh Angie! I am sitting here weeping for two people that I have never met. What a beautiful soul you are, to go all that way just to be with Sarah. You two share a special bond and I will continue to pray for the both of you. One day all of this weeping will be turned to joy for eternity!!

    Waiting for that day,
    Marilena

  • Anonymous

    What an amazing gift you gave Sara and her family at such a difficult and trying time. She is lucky to have a friend like you – you are blessed to have found each other!

  • Kristi

    Your honesty continues to amaze me. Thank you for sharing your heart! kristi

  • pakosta

    what a beautiful beautiful story. i am so touched…..
    tara

  • Eric and Michelle

    What an amazing story. Bless you!

  • Amanda

    Happy Belated Mother’s Day! I have to stop reading your posts at work. I am mess with tears. That is just an amazing story… I am so glad that you could support her in this time. God has His timing… its incredible. Thank you for sharing Angie.

  • Anonymous

    I just wanted to say thank you for your words…and your life…and your open hearted, no holds barred committment to our Lord and savior. I came across your blog after I saw in on Sara’s page and have followed you both. I went to college with Sara and Brandon, I graduated a few years before them but am friends with some of their friends. It’s amazing how blessed we are to be brothers and sisters in Christ and to see what that love does and means in times such as these. Your faith, love and relationship with our sovereign God is such a testament to all of your readers! Thank you.

    Debra in Texas

  • Emily

    Angie-
    You are the most amazing person I have never met. I have been reading your blog and your story is incredible. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes that reason is hard to find. Your story has become a source of inspiration for so many. And obviously Sara was meant to come into your life. Thank you for sharing. I check your blog often. Thank you, thank you! It feel strange to reach out to a stranger, like you said, but your blog makes you feel less strange to me.

  • Sarah

    Wow, goosebumps as I read this entry of yours. What a great gift you gave Sara, what a show of support and love for someone you have never met, but yet probably felt close as family to you. Thanks again for putting into words what we all need to hear when going through our trials and difficult times in our lives. Thanks Angie!

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • christine & brett

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for a long time now (since earlier this year just before Audrey’s 20 week appointment) but this is the first time I have posted a comment. Thank you for sharing so opening, so deeply, so honestly with all of us. We are not strangers – we are all connected by Christ and therefore can talk to you (through post) as if we have known you forever. You have touched me so deeply and made me take a closer look at my faith. I feel blessed to “know” you and to be able to share in your story this way. I pray for you, Todd and the girls all of the time and hope that you feel the love and support that is coming from all over. You are an encouragement to me and I pray that you know the lives you have touched through your story. I hope that I one day get to meet you in person, if only for a moment, so that I can hug you and tell you how much you mean to me. I am so glad that you were able to meet Sara and that the two of you were able to connect. You have such an amazing spirit and you are so selfless. You truly are a beautiful soul.

  • Ellie

    Angie,

    I love how you share your heart. Gods grace is so evident in your life and in Sara’s, I am praying for you both. “It is well with my soul” has been an anchor for me in my life also – it takes me to that place of faith that words do not reach.

    Big hugs from Australia,

    Ellie

  • Tina Vega

    What a wonderful surprise! You DO look like sisters!!

  • shannonale

    Wow..is all I can say..and tears fill my eyes every time that I read an update on your amazing story!! God is so good in EVERY way…HIS ways are PERFECT!!! PERFECT…how could we ask for more.??? I have three children and one on the way….we have lost 3..although the stories are not similar, the loss is, and what a special bond all mothers share that have been through something like losing a child. I am amazed at your sweet spirit and thankfulness to God in the good times and the bad. You know…just when we thought heaven couldn’t possibly be any sweeter…it IS!!! :-) We have much to look forward to….first an foremost..our wonderful Saviour, Who is righteous in ALL HIS WAYS!!! He gives and takes away, He gives and takes away…our hearts WILL CHOSE to say, Lord blessed be YOUR NAME. And, you know what….His name has been blessed by what He is doing and has done in your family. We continue to pray for you and your family and look forward to more updates of God’s peace in the midst of the storm.
    Thanking Him today for YOU,
    Shannon

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    You amaze me! You are showing others what God does in the midst of great crisis and sorrow when we turn to Him. I can’t tell you how you have encouraged me to continue to TRUST Him. What a true inspiration to others who believe and what a witness to those who don’t. I pray many sweet blessings on your family.
    In His Love,
    Aimee from Nashville

  • Carrie

    You two could pass for sisters! What a great surprise for her family and what a great support system that God has given you :) I love your honesty and your “real” writing. I have had my share of disappointment with God. Love Him. Believe in Him. Lay my head at His feet. But I’ve been there … I’m still here in many ways … I often like to mask my emotions with the hurriedness of life. Your entries … in a certain way … force me out of that mask. Enjoy the waves …

  • Laura Smith

    You look like you could be sisters! How very special!
    Laura

  • Linsey

    What a blessing you must have been for her on that day. It was a great thing you did in going. To feel like you aren’t alone in a struggle is something to hold dear. I am glad you two are that for each other.

  • KimMc

    Angie, Although we have never met, I am amazed at what a beautiful person you are…I literally think about you on a daily basis and you have caused me to live my life in a completely different manner. I ran across your blog in early April and have followed your story ever since, yet have never written any comments. Mostly because after every post I have tears and my eyes…tears that allow me not to see the keys on the keyboard, ones that hurt for you and your family, ones that make me lift my eyes to our Lord and Savior! Sweet Audrey passed away on my mother’s birthday, which is bittersweet day for me as well. My mom passed away from breast cancer about 9 years ago (when I was only 20) and I miss her terribly. But what an awesome birthday present she received this year. Although she isn’t here on this earth to love on my two girls, I guarantee that she is holding that sweet baby of yours and that makes me smile. I promise that “granny in heaven” ( that is what my 4 year old calls her) is taking care of that precious angel! Thank you for who you are, thank you for your heart that beats every minute for Jesus, and thank you for the honesty that makes us all look at ourselves and our children a little differently! You are an amazing woman and I pray that God continues to bless you and your family every minute.

  • Anonymous

    Bless you, Angie! I find strength in your Christian walk. I pray that God will bless and comfort you and Sara. I think it is definitely divine intervention that you have found one another, and it is so sweet.

    One note about the song – my pastor was dying of brain cancer, and for 2 months solid he would sing “It is well” to everyone who came and visited him. I never hear that song w/o thinking of him and his unrelentless praise, and it makes me want to praise also.

    Hugs to you and your family,
    Michelle

  • Nicole

    I hope it comforts you to know that Audrey and Elliot have each other up in heaven. They can share the love of their mommies just as you and Sara will share the love of them.
    God Bless You!

  • Kim

    How precious. Angie, I am amazed at how you express yourself in writing. What a beautiful thing you did to be there for Sara and I know she is a comfort to you, too. I’m glad that in all of the tragedy the 2 of you were brought together. Still saying prayers for you and remembering you on this Mother’s Day.

  • Kelli Lauren

    Oh, the tears.
    That’s all I can say.

  • Cody Spencer Freymuth

    You truly amaze me Angie!! You inspire me to become a better person. Thank you for sharing your love for our LORD!

  • Mary

    Thank you for continuing to post. As a mother of many… one biological, two adopted from China and 5 lost during pregnancy there is something extremely cathartic about reading your posts. It is a strange place to be in… a mother who is surrounded by loving, happy and healthy children, yet missing those I can’t hold in my arms.

    Keep posting.. and God bless

  • kristy mae

    It Is Well is one of my favorite songs. My 7 year old daughter loves the Jars of Clay Redemption Songs version and we sing that and just rock out, totally filled with praise.
    I am so happy that you were able to be there with Sarah. I’ve never met either of you, but many of my thoughts and prayers have.

  • Anonymous

    how cool is that!!! I loved this post. What a memorable Mother’s Day. I thougt of you often on Sunday and I am pleased to hear that you are doing ok. I think it is so neat that you made the trip to Texas to support a mother who is going through a similar story. Praying for you now and always….

  • florence

    How beautiful is the body of Christ. Oh, Angie…. God is using you to minister to someone else in a very real, tangible and POWERFUL way. This was totally selfless, and I know Sara was immensely blessed by this act. I am so glad you were able to meet. I know this trip was huge for you in so many ways. I,too, thought about you on Sunday and lifted you up in prayer. I pray that God would continue to “tilt” your face toward His on a daily basis.

    “Oh, the depths of the riches of wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable His judgments, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord or who has been His counselor? …For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen!

    Striving for you.
    Much love,
    Florence

  • Alicia Beth

    How precious you are Angie ! I know that Sara was sooooo moved by your sacrifice to be there for her.On a day you would have wanted to be with your children you chose to share yourself with another.I KNOW Sara will be forever blessed by your kindess and thoughfulness.I hope this is only the beginning to a beautiful friendship that God will have his hand on for a lifetime !

  • Susan

    You continue to inspire and amaze me!
    Susan Simpson

  • Sarah, Jack and Nates mommy

    I am so happy for you that you got to go meet Sara in person. God gave you both a very special gift in each other.

  • Laura

    Oh, Angie, I am so grateful that you were able to be there for Sara at Elliot’s meorial service. To have someone else there who truly does understand is a gift. Thank you for sharing these wonderful moments with us. You both are so lovely. Praying for you as always.

  • April Elizabeth

    This entry touched me. Thank you for showing that no matter what, God is with us. As I celebrated my first Mother’s Day, you were in my prayers. Thank you.

  • Darlene R.

    Thanks for sharign this surprise with us! The two of you are so beautiful, through and through.

    Love,
    Darlene – IN

  • The Bayham Family

    Well, I’ve been pondering what in the world your surprise could be, but I never imagined it would be this! What a celebration! I’m sure you can in no way imagine what a blessing you are to Sarah and so many others. God is using you, Angie, using you in a mighty way in the midst of your pain, grief, sadness and unwavering faith. Thank you for being a vessel that God can use . . . willing to go wherever He sends and do whatever He asks you to do. After reading of your surprise, I just can’t help but say, “Praise Jesus!”

    Blessings to you,
    Julie Bayham

  • Jodie

    Oh, how I wish I could come and give you a hug in person! I’m just 20+ miles down the road from Pensacola. Praying for you!!!

    In His grace,
    Jodie

  • a cowgirl at heart

    Angie,

    I have been reading your blog for a little while now, but haven’t commented yet. I must admit this comment will sound completely cliche, but I want to tell you it is completely heartfelt. My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for over a year when we finally got good news last February. I started having some complications at 9 weeks and ended up losing the baby at 10. We were devastated and I yelled at God for the first time in my life. I was disappointed. We have been trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant again, having gone through the beginning stages of fertility treatments and a week and a half ago we had an insemination. I tell you all of this so you will know that when I am frustrated and disappointed or feel like I am at my physical, emotional and spiritual end in all of this, I come to your blog and read your inspirational words and witness the love and devotion you have to a Father who has disappointed you so…your commitment is inspiring. I want you to know I lift you up in prayer when you cross my mind, which is often. We are strangers, yes; yet your wisdom, your heart for truth, and the fact that you love our Jesus with all of your heart, soul, and mind are, at times unfathomable to me, but mostly just what I wish to emulate. I just wanted you to know from this Texas girl, you are welcome back anytime. You are a light in my darkness and as I write this, and the lump in my throat gets bigger and higher, I will continue to be amazed at your grace in the midst of tragedy. From the very bottom of my heart, and the top and the sides, too…thank you.

  • Randie Sanders

    What a wonderful wonderful gift you gave your friend. Its amazing how God works and draws hearts together. We are never alone. Sometimes God just sits beside us in stillness and sometimes he brings others to us to show us how great His love is.

  • Laurie

    What a beautiful surprise for you and for Sara to meet!! You look like sisters and you are, in Christ. I am so thankful for this part of the internet, how close it draws people together with no distance felt. I held my breath as I read of your anguish during Elliot’s service with your sweet Audrey’s so fresh in your heart. I too am disappointed for your losses, and I know that the Lord understands and He does draw nearer.
    God bless you abundantly Angie for this most wonderful act of love. This is what the family of Christ is all about, LOVE.

    Love and Hugs, Laurie in Ca.

  • Anonymous

    How beautiful that you could surprise her and be there for her during her son’s service. (((hugs)))
    God bless you.

    Krista

  • Marla Taviano

    That is so incredible. Right down to your eerily similar outfits. Wow, God, wow.

  • Rachel

    That was such a neat and wonderful thing you did. I can only imagine what it would have been like if I had met you when I lost my angel. I keep reading your posts—not really wanting to because I know I will just sit here and bawl my eyes out, but feeling like I have to for some reason. I feel like God is using you to get to me in my feeling of being “lost” I have read that Phillip Yancy book and its funny that you mentioned it because I bought it and several others of his right after my loss. Where is God When it Hurts was a good one. Prayer—does it Make any Difference was good too. I am rambling and making no sense again. Thank you…again.

  • The Jones’

    What a wonderful gift you gave Sara. She is a friend of mine and I know she was blessed by this and she is a blesing in her self. I am so glad you two were able to meet one another. I check yor blog daily. I am always encouraged by your writing. What amazing women you two are. You all are in our prayers daily.

    Tiffany

  • The Reeves bunch

    What a wonderful surprise. I know that Sara was so happy to see you. God is so amazing and knew that you guys needed each other. You are truly an amazing woman and have really challenged my walk and faith. You have made me appreciated my daughter even more. God has truly blessed you with words to speak to those who need Him. You and Sara look beautiful and you can see Jesus all over your face. I went to school with Sara and B. B has always been a man of God. What an amazing way to praise our Lord and Savior. God Bless you and your family. Thank you so much for being so transparent and letting everyone see the true you. I feel like I know you without ever meeting you. Thank you for the blessing that you have been to me.

  • michelle

    I am glad you got to be there for each other, tonight reading your blog I laughed and cried-you are a blessing, I wonder how many people the man on the plane has told about you??

  • Deb

    Oh Angie,
    I’m grateful too, grateful for you, for your honesty and grace in sharing. You speak the words that every mother must feel at the loss of their babies. I am a maternal infant RN and face this so many times, but because of your sharing nature and genuine faith, you are helping me to reach out to my patients in a special way. Little Audrey may be away from you physically, but she very much lives on each day in your gracious sharing of your thoughts and pain. Please know that not a day goes by that you are not thought of with love, respect and prayer. You are an amazing woman and your strength inspires me!
    Debi in Virginia

  • Rachel

    “Though satan should buffet, though trials shall come, let this blest assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and hath shed His own blood for my soul.”

    This song has brought me so much comfort through so many dark nights.

    It is well with my soul.

    Thank you Angie for the blessing you are to each of us.

  • The Thomsons

    How amazing to be able to meet Sara! My goodness, what a stressful plane trip. Thank you for sharing the details about your visit with Sara.
    Rachel

  • Jo

    I am awed, simply awed by this post, Angie. What a dear soul and friend you are to have connected with Sara like this, at this special, most difficult time. My prayers are with you both – you are entirely full of spirit and grace, both of you, as you journey together in this hard way…XO

  • Momma-of-5

    First, let me say I can not IMAGINE your grief. But something you said in this post has hit me. Four years ago, my sister-in-law (and best friend) died at the age of 31 in her sleep…unexpectedly. And I was disappointed with God. Honestly, I still am. He DOES give. He gave me a GREAT friend for the 10 years I knew her…and the 6 that we were so close. But he DOES take away. She was ready. She told me the day before she died that she felt so close to God. She said she couldn’t imagine being closer. Guess what? She had no idea. This mother’s day, she celebrated with your daughter at the foot of their Father. Thank you for your honesty! Thank you for helping me to be honest too.

  • Joy

    Gosh your blog really helped open my eyes. Today I felt incredibly persecuted by some people online. I was basically called judgemental, ignorant, stupid, self-righteous, among other things, and I had not even spoken a word.

    It hurt, it stung—but reading this reminds me there are so many more important things in life than the petty arguments we find ourselves in daily.

    What a bittersweet Mother’s Day for the both of you! But I’m certain she was incredibly blessed and touched by your presence.

  • Melissa Irwin

    I am floored by you. You set aside your own grief to go an grieve with someone you had never even met. I know you bring strength to one another, and that is a blessing to your readers, too. I always cry when I read your blog….but this time, I also giggled out loud when I read the part about the snot…….your expression was too funny. I praise God tonight that you have and continue to express your humor. Your life has definitely touched mine and I am so thankful.
    melissa irwin

  • Rebecca

    i continue to be moved by your blog, your strength of faith, and your honesty. i love your surprise and the story of God joining hearts in pain for purposes of healing. the pictures are beautiful–praying for you
    rebecca swift

  • Anthony’s Mommy

    You two look like sisters! I’m so happy you met and got to share your stories. I’ve “met” some great people through my blog and message boards that share similar situations as me (death of a twin) and while it is sad it is also comforting to talk to someone that has been there, felt the same emotions and really understand you. Doesn’t make you feel guilty or strange for feeling the way you do. These people are like angels to me.

    Again I’m so happy you two met.

  • Anonymous

    You two are like Anne (of Green Gables) and the raven haired Diana — “kindred spirits.” Thanks for sharing the gift of your friendship with us. :)

    And you’ll both continue to be in my prayers, Angie. Thanks for sharing your heart with us. So many of us are blessed by your honesty. . .and God is glorified as you testify that He is who He says He is. . .even in the midst of such sadness. Gratefully, Erika

  • Heidi

    Hi Angie. You don’t know me, but I’ve journeyed with you the past weeks. I’ve prayed for you and cried along with you.

    I don’t believe in accidents. I believe that the Lord led me to your site to prepare my heart. I found out today during an early ultrasound, that I lost a baby. This is the second child I have lost in this way.

    I want to thank you for your words. The Spirit spoke right to my soul through your post tonight.

    Thank you for allowing God to work through you…thank you for being open to His work in the midst of extreme pain. You have blessed me.

    I haven’t posted yet, but I’m in the process of writing my story for my blog.
    http://www.hmbruder.com

  • Anonymous

    My 36 year old husband died of cancer 4 years ago, leaving me and my 4 children ages 5, 6, 9 and 11, devastated. As I read your posts from the beginning, I cried more tears than I thought I would at this point in my grief. I have made the same choices that you have; I have felt the same disappointment that you have; and I have come to the same conclusion that you have…Our God is still God and He is still good. I so deeply identified with your montra to yourself, “my Jesus is the same as He was when I walked in here.” I have been in the dark, begging God to show me just a little of His Light. He has been faithful, and is faithful. Thank you for sharing, for making yourself vulnerable, for using your pain to bring glory to His name. I know that He is proud to call you daughter and that Audrey is proud to call you Mommy!
    Laureen Bell

  • brandiandboys

    Angie – this is an amazing story, I love your heart. The fact you’ve already used an experience that is so fresh to walk along someone else experiencing the same thing is incredible. Thank you for your inspiration.
    Brandi Wilson

  • Amy

    Angie,
    You are a precious soul! What a wonderful and priceless gift you gave Sara by surprising her.

    I have 2 questions for you:
    1) How did you and Todd meet?
    2) How did you come to know Christ?

    Amy

  • Jill

    Angie -

    I think it is just amazing that you were able to go and support Sara in that way. How special for both of you that you were able to meet and be of encouragement to one another. Thank-you for sharing all that God continues to do in your heart as you embrace this new season in your life. Know that I am still praying for you and thinking of you often (and Sara, too.)

  • The Andersons

    What a blessing to have you with her. My second child, a daughter, was stillborn 3 1/2 years ago at 34 weeks and I will forever remember not having anyone to talk to – to really understand how I felt and not to think I was crazy with some of the things I wanted to talk about.

    I have read your blog after finding it a few weeks ago. It has taken me back to those weeks and months after Reese’s death. When you spoke of your girls eating breakfast out of their Easter baskets, I recalled an evening when my then 4 year old son ate about 10 popsicles in a row because I did not have the strength to stop him or get up and make him dinner. I was an emotional mess. I have been there…..

    I can’t wait to see you continue your journey. You’ve been incredibly strong and you’ve reminded me how faithful God is to mothers like us.

    Stephanie

  • Cammie

    Wow, what a wonderful surprise for Sara. How much that must have meant to her to have you there for her. You are such an awesome person, to be able to go to Elliot’s celebration service so soon after Audrey’s service. You are simply amazing. I have never met anyone like you. You are such an inspiration to so many of us struggeling with what is going on in our lives. Your words of faith and your trust in God are unbelievable. You are truely an inspiration. Thank you Angie. Praying for you everyday.

  • CJH

    Lyrics to MercyMe’s song Hold Fast:
    (I love this song)

    To everyone who’s hurting
    To those who’ve had enough
    To all the undeserving
    That should cover all of us
    Please do not let go
    I promise there is hope

    Hold fast
    Help is on the way
    Hold fast
    He’s come to save the day
    What I’ve learned in my life
    One thing greater than my strife
    Is His grasp
    So hold fast

    Will this season ever pass
    Can we stop this ride
    Will we see the sun at last
    Or could this be our lot in life
    Please do not let go
    I promise you there’s hope

    Chorus

    You may think you’re all alone
    And there’s no way that anyone could know
    What you’re going through
    But if you only hear one thing
    Just understand that we are all the same
    Searching for the truth
    The truth of what we’re soon to face
    Unless someone comes to take our place
    Is there anyone
    All we want is to be free
    Free from our captivity Lord
    Here He comes

    Chorus (repeat)

    Though I have never left a comment before, I have been follwing your story. I continue to lift up you and your family in my prayers.

  • Anonymous

    Beautiful.

  • Jill @ Live Laugh Blog

    I really have no words. It’s truly only a God think, all of this. Being able to function without your children here, is an absolute God thing.
    I thank you for your honesty and your ability to share all of this with the world. There are so many who are helping.

  • Anonymous

    Your entry moved me to tears. I am thankful that you were able to meet up with your friend and glad that your heart is lighter bc of this visit. You are a SUCH a strong person….lovely how the Lord is with you, always.

    In God’s Grace-
    Jill in MN

  • Emily

    This summer, on the weekend that marks the one year anniversary since my baby girl left my arms for her Father’s, a group of mothers (between 4 and 6 as of today) that have met in the last year, like you and Sara, are meeting up in Atlanta for the Deeper Still conference with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer, and Kay Arthur. If it doesn’t seem too crazy, maybe you and Sara could join us?! Pray about it. One of the moms, Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com) and I met in much the same way as you and Sara have, so I know the unspeakable blessing you are feeling today. It absolutely brings Romans 8:28 to life before our very eyes, doesn’t it. Oh praise Him….

  • melissa

    Two more beautiful and strong women I have never seen. Many blessings to you both.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    Thank you. Thank you for loving on Sara!! She and B are friends of mine from college and I am so thankful for your ministry to them. They so deserve it. One of my friends who had been through a similar situation told me about your blog and although I’ve never experienced anything like the loss you have, it has ministered to me. You are an eloquent writer and it is evident you know God deeply. So I had been reading your blog and imagine my surprise when I saw your first entry about Sara and B and Elliot. It made me so grateful that she has someone to share this difficult journey with who is walking it with such grace.

    Thank you for loving them! Prayers for all of you….
    Dacia
    ps. my daughter’s (7months) name is also Ellie and up until 2 weeks before her birth, she was to be named Abby…also, her middle name is Kathleen, so we call her “Ellie Kate”. :-) good choice in names!

  • Honea Household

    I balled reading this. Kindred spirits, you two. And I am so glad that you got to meet her. I know she was a probably surprised! I am still praying for you and lifting you up daily. And Sara, too.

  • Corie

    How precious your story is. By Gods Providence I have a similar story that brought three women together simply because of the fate of their children. I wrote about it on my blog. I am again in awe reading that God is so faithful to bring the Body of Christ together so many miles away. God does meet our needs in so many ways, even when we are at the lowest of points. What an amazing story. Thanks for sharing.

  • Sal Gal

    Angie, what a great person you are! You are a special spirit, a great mom, friend, and the list could go on…and I have never met you, but I am so impressed at how you can make everyone feel a part of you and your life. I am certain I will also get to meet you, if not in this life then for sure the next! I wanted to say “Happy Mother’s Day” to a wonderful mom, I know it must have been a hard day. Here is a quote for you.

    “You are doing God’s work. He is blessing you and He will bless you, especially when your life maybe the most challenging. Like the woman who anonymously, meekly, and perhaps with hesitation, fought her way through the crowd just to touch the Master’s garment, so Christ will say to the women who worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers, “Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.” –Jeffery R Holland

    Sally, in Utah (if you ever want to come out here…) :)

  • Shelby

    I am amazed by you and your strength. I love your real and raw words, you tell it like it is. I am so thankful that you could be with Sara. I know this was healing for both of you. I am praying for you and I am proud of you. And so is God!

  • Jenna

    Hi Angie,

    My name is Jenna and I have been following your blog for some time but have never commented. I just wanted to say hello and tell you how deeply your family’s story has touched me. There is no way to describe it really, but please know that I pray for y’all and love you all.

    This post is beautiful, and I am so glad you were able to surprise Sara. I can only imagine how much it meant to her–to both of you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will continue to read, and more importantly–continue to pray for each of you.

    Love, Jenna

  • Heidi Zawisza

    I have no idea what exactly to say except that I feel totally and utterly compelled to write to you. A friend told me about your blog, and for the last two hours I have read from beginning to end through sheets of tears. I do not have a simular story to share, nor do I know of anyone that has gone through this, but I do share with you the love that only a mommy can understand for her children.I can not even begin to fathom what I would do in your situation. I know that these are times that only God himself can carry you through unexplainably.
    Please know that your story has impacted me greatly….not just because of the deep sadness that it creates inside, but because of the strong woman that you obviously are! What an example of grace and strength you are. I am in awe of your love and faith for our Lord. Praise God for you! You have inspired me beyond words! And let me tell you something…..I needed this tonight! Thank you!

  • connorcolesmom

    Angie,
    I sit here in tears so grateful for a God who continues to show up and show up BIG
    I wake up every morning and pray for the 2 of you (angie and Sarah)
    At first I would explain who you were to God (as if He did not know the pain or the experience you had been through) I think I did that b/c I needed a reminder of how precious life truly is
    Now I just pray “God you know- so comfort them, give them peace and use their stories to glorify you”
    Thank you for your heart and your willingness to be so real
    ALways in my prayers
    Kim

  • austinmsmom

    Oh sweetie I am so glad you got to meet up with Sara and you found comfort in eachother. Please know I am praying for you both. Angie thank you for sharing your grateful heart.
    In Christ

  • MandieGirl

    I’m so happy you had such a fantastic idea! I’m so happy there are great people like you in this world!!! SO encouraging!!!!

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    Had to check in with your writing again today and was amazed to find out what you were able to acomplish with the Lord at your side. It is bittersweet that I write this today when I am so happy. I have one grandchild, Kadin and kept calling him my one and only. Then we found out that his mommy was expecting her second baby in Nov. She has problems with endo. and cysts so this is such a blessing. Then we found out that my oldest daughter is expecting also after problems with ovulation, etc. Today was the shocker of all blessings, since we found out that she will be having twins. I have been praying for His will tobe done. I am still in shock. Both are at high risk and will be watched closely,so our prayers are for the health of all. God has shown me that He works in His Time. Again I will say to you, keep writing and enjoy your quiet, rest and fun at the beach. Barb in Michigan

  • Liz

    Wow. It IS so hard to say “It is well with my soul” when everything in your brain cries out that it is NOT well. But God…..

    Thank you for sharing this.

  • Julie

    You are beautiful on the outside and in, that was one of the most wonderful, God honoring thing’s you could do. I am praying

  • CrownLaidDown

    Thank you, Angie. Thank you for loving Sara like that…and participating/ fellowshipping in their suffering. Thank you for being who you are–and letting others know you through your words. I pray for you tonight–that God will be so tender and loving over your life and that of your whole family.

    Praying for you, Sister.
    Love,
    holly smith

  • Anonymous

    The words Amazing Grace come to mind.
    I have no other words.. I am just kinda of speechless Angie. Your words take my breath away and touch me so deeply each time I read here.
    my thoughts and prayers are with you..and I to am grateful tonight.
    Kerry

  • Jenifer

    That is amazing that you and Sara have each other to go through this time. God does know what we need doesn’t he. What a miracle!

  • I am so blessed!

    You are such an amazing person Angie. You were there for Sara when she needed you the most. I have been reading your blog for several months-and I know that everyday there are people who are reading your blog and then giving their hearts to Jesus. Thank you so much for saving so many lives when you had to hand Audrey back over to our Lord. You are very much loved!

  • Bridget =)

    what a wonderful surprise! The pictures speak volumes. and I totally agree with the person who said you are one of the most amazing people I’ve never met… but you inspire me so much, every single day. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope you had a blessed mother’s day, and I hope that you have a peaceful vacation.

    Hugs!

  • Jaime

    You are amazing, what an awesome suprise. Reading your story insipres me, thank you for being so honest.

  • Carolyn

    You continue to bring praise to the Father by your responses to this life. Thank you for your selfish, sacrificial love that sent you into Sara’s life. You know that she may have never before seen Jesus and his true message in a more real, tangible, depth of her heart way until receiving your hug and sharing tears with you. The end result of you being there for her on such a difficult day is incredible, but I even think the efforts to plan and arrange things to be there right then show how thoughtful you are. I believe sometimes in really, really, really difficult times it is much more comfortable to turn inward and think of none other than oneself…but you have risen to the occasion and shown the lengths the human spirit can go to when the Spirit of Jesus reigns within.

    Praising God today for how He lives and works in you. I am sure that He smiles down on You as your tears fall.

    Prayers,
    Carolyn

  • Carolyn

    Oh, by the way, if you get a moment, check out the recent video I placed on my blog under “A Tribute to Motherhood”. I trust that the song will minister to you and it will touch your heart….it is very personal to me because it is my children, but I believe the message of the song will remind you of the journey we are on and give you strength.

  • Brenda

    Oh Angie, what a wonderful and generous thing you did for your friend, Sara. I have been following your story for weeks and I hope that you will continue to blog about your family, your faith and your frustrations. We are all here for you, but you give us so much more. You have such a big heart and an unbeatable spirit.
    Thank you again for sharing your love and your life.
    Blessings,
    Brenda

  • Lori Heinrich

    I remember the day, ten years ago, when my sister lost her first biological child. After years of trying and adopting two little gifts from God, she became pregnant and was so looking forward to adding this little one to their lives. When she called to tell me the terrible news, I started weeping and collapsed into a sobbing heap on the floor. I had no great advice, nothing to take away the pain. We just cried together. To this day, if you ask her about her most treasured sister moments, this makes the top of the list. She has often talked about how my sharing her pain helped her to heal. She just needed to cry, and she needed to know that her loss was as huge to someone else as it was to her. She needed to know that I love her that much.

    Several years later, I lost two babies within a year, and she was there to cry with me. I now understand how important it is to have someone grieve with you, to have them acknowledge the depth of your heartache and give you permission to fall apart, to show you that they, too, value the one who is now in Heaven.

    Angie, what you and Sara give each other is priceless. It is a sisterhood which is born of shared pain but which will bring you lifelong joy. What a beautiful example of God’s provision…a miracle of a different kind!

    I continue to pray for you both, knowing that our God’s arms are around you in every moment, and He will carry you through.

    Blessings,
    Lori

  • Jess :)

    Ang,
    You are absolutely incredible!! Your surprise to Sara brought both smiles and tears! What a blessing you have both been to each other! Praise God for how HE works! :)
    I’m so glad that you are writing more and sharing pictures! I especially love the pics because I add them to my screensaver! Some of my first graders even know who you are. They always ask…”Is that your sister?” and I smile and say, “Well, yes, she is…in a very special way!” It’s kind of difficult to explain that to a 6 year old in a public school, but some of them understand. One little boy said, “You mean like…she’s your sister because we’re all related since God said!” ;) My reply was, “Yes, because God said!” It was too precious. :) Anyways, I just wanted you to know that you’re part of my life and I’ve shared your story with so many people. You mean more to me than you will ever know and I pray that someday, I will be as blessed as Sara ~ to meet you!
    I have many more questions for you, but will leave that for later! I pray that you had a joyous and blessed Mother’s Day!
    Love you,
    Jess :)

  • Jen

    May God continue to bless you. You inspire me and you are true. Thank you for being the woman you are.

  • Kathi

    Angie, this is a beautiful story.

    God is so awesome and amazing. Even in the midst of your darkest day and deepest sorrow, He has brought you this beautiful gift of friendship with Sara. The two of you even look like you were meant to be friends with one another! You and Sara are both in my prayers.

    I am going in a couple of hours for an ultrasound and a mammogram, because I discovered a lump in my breast 4 weeks ago and it is still there. I called the doctor after 2 weeks, because it was still there. I went right in for my appointment last week, because it was still there. Today, I go for testing, because it is still there. It is still there, but I will not worry. I know that whatever the outcome, God is in this and God is in control.

    Thank you for sharing your story, your wounds, your tears, and your joy. You are an inspiration.

    My question for you is when are you going to become a speaker? I will be the first one in line, paying to hear more of your wisdom.

  • Nicki

    That is so precious that you were able to be there with her!!! What a great surprise that must have been for your friend. I pray that both of you may find rest in Him today. Take care.

  • La Reina

    Angie,

    Your words and experiences always touch me so deeply. Each time I visit you here, I feel your pain. I wrap myself around it and hold onto it to try to give you more peace.

    You are an amazing inspiration to me. Your undying faith and servitude to God speaks volumes to me. Thank you for that.

    Your family and Sara’s family are in my prayers. Your surprise meeting was absolutely beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

    Thank you for letting us be a part of your journey.

  • Angie (Angelica Grace Designs)

    Angie-
    First off, LOVE your name. It’s mine too. :) Secondly, I ran across your blog about three weeks ago when lurking on another. Since then, my husband and I have been in tears multiple times as we read your updates. As a blogger myself, I cannot tell you how much I enjoy your writings and your faith. It’s always great to see a woman of faith out in the open admitting her struggles and still praising God through it all. As a parent who has experienced a loss during pregnancy as well as a parent of a healthy son and that of a special needs daughter, I can sympathize with your emotions and your powerful array of ups and downs during this trying time. I haven’t posted until now but wanted to jump in here today and tell you how great you are for surprising Sara. You two have a bond forever now and that is a gift from God. Again, a reason to praise him. I have a saying that I repeat to myself a lot when I go through the peaks and valley’s of life. It is this:
    “There will be years that ask & there will be years that answer. In the end, God NEVER wastes pain!”
    Please continue to stay strong, positive, and faithful. Audrey is gorgeous and obviously took after her Mother and Father. The photos were stunning. As a photographer of fun, I loved the work she did of your special time with Audrey. Hang in there and know that you have people here in Indiana praying for you and yours.
    Blessings always, Angie Seaman
    http://www.angelicagracedesigns.com/blog/
    http://www.angelicagracedesigns.com

  • Lisa

    Just read your blog post, what an amazing thing you did. So glad that you all got to meet and comfort one another. Your writing talents continue to amaze me! You have me rolling on the floor laughing one minute, and bawling like a baby in the next. Thank you for sharing all of your emotions with us, and letting us experience them with you.
    One of your faithful blog followers and sister in Christ,
    Lisa

  • Anonymous

    You are such a testimony to the faith. I found your site by accident when I viewed the video/song of your audrey, I bawled. Why? Because my sister just lost her daughter at 19wks on March 27th. I am in Japan(husband military) and was not able to be with her. I have always been there for her. I lost a baby but very early on. Strangley, you wrote about being in pensacola. Well that is where we are from and my sister/whole family live there. Are you speaking at a church there? Perhaps First Baptist or Marcus Point? My sister is not saved and I think she now believes but has a long way to go. Oh how I wish I was there. You are an amazing woman! I don’t know if I could be at peace with such a situation.

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie,
    Your story, as well as Sara’s, continue to amaze me. Your love for GOD, your love for others in the midst of such deep pain and sorrow. God is truly using your life and story to bring glory to His name. Continuing to pray for you and your families.
    Blessings,
    Laurette from Ohio

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie,
    Thank you for posting again. I assumed that since you were away from home that there would be no new posts this week so I was so surprised and thrilled to see your post last night. The pictures of you and Sara brought tears to my eyes just seeing how our great God can work through his people to be a blessing and comfort to others.
    I was praying that you would have a peaceful Mother’s Day. I will continue to pray that you will have a refreshing and restful time at the beach enjoying God’s creation. I could just picture you sitting on the balcony with the waves crashing and smelling the salty air (the beach is my favorite place to be) writing such a powerful post. May your days this week be filled with blessings from our Lord and Savior!
    Sue

  • Anonymous

    A line of the song “Blessed Be the Name” says “You give and take away, You give and take away, My heart will choose to say, Blessed be the name…” Even in the midst of our greatest loss and grief, we must choose…We must choose whether we will let God give us people who have sung our song and know our anguish, or to push them away. We must choose to mourn our loss without vision, or to mourn with a hope of eternity. We must choose between the rage of bitterness and the release of brokenness. The lives of Audrey and Elliott and others whose lives have been so short in the arms of those who love them, are honored and now soar upon the hearts that choose to say, “blessed is the name” through tears and unfathomable loss.

    Our help comes from the Lord, Maker of heaven and earth. He indeed, is the lifter of our heads!

  • Melissa

    Angie, Thank you so much for coming to the service. I know Sara was so happy to have you there! I bet it was so much fun surprising her :) I am so glad you are able to comfort her through this. They are such a sweet couple. It was nice to meet you and put a face with your blog!
    Melissa

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    It sounds as though you were able to allow your body to fully grieve the losses you have experienced. It doesn’t matter if it was in a bathroom in TX or anywhere else it is good for you to let go.
    I have experienced that seemingly dramatic grief but when I did my pastors wife blasted me and told me it was wrong. I have not been able to cry since (5 years).
    It makes me happy to know God has put you in safe places to grieve and share your very precious life with those of us who don’t know you, yet feel so close.
    You are able to display God’s glory through the strength He has given you, yet you are real enough to show your pain (something I have been taught NOT to do in church leadership).
    You are amazing. What a special trip you made to TX – something so few people would do while they were still hurting themselves.
    You truly are a living, breathing example of Christ!!!!
    Love to you, Cindy ~ Phoenix

  • Sarah

    I love reading your blog. What you are going through is so difficult but you are doing it with such faith – you are inspiring!

    Thank you for sharing the history behind the song “It is Well”. That is one of my favorite songs, and whenever I sing it I will always think of what you taught me about what the author went through when writing it. I will also think of you & Sara and pray for both of you every time I sing it.

    I also think you are an amazing friend to Sara. Exactly what she needs right now. She is very fortunate to have you in her life. I also love how the two of you wore the same type of outfit when you met!

  • Anonymous

    Another comment from a random anonymous person…:)

    I’m not a Mom. And I’m not married. And I’m of an age where people seem to notice those facts and really want to point them out, even in a gentle way.

    I’m not going to pretend that my “burdens” are the same as the ones you carry but I do know something about bringing aches to a loving God who continually says, “I’m listening and I care more than you can know.” And I know a little something about not bringing those aches to Him, for fear of hearing something I don’t want to or simply because I’m too angry.

    But Audrey’s story and the faith that you have shared has allowed many of us to get in touch with our relationship with Lord, be it happy or in grief, and God has enough room on his lap for all of us. Many thanks, Angie.

  • Bethany

    Angie,
    That is AMAZING!! I’m so glad you went to see Sara. Oh my…how that must have blessed her. To know that someone knows exactly how she is feeling…at almost the same time. God has a plan for all of this, doesn’t He? We sometimes can’t see it…but it’s so great that you were able to see it so clearly! And you were so brave to do so…
    Love in Christ,
    Bethany in Michigan :)

  • Kenzie

    What a beautiful meeting! Sounds so similiar to my story with my friend Christie… It is amazing these friendships that come from such difficult times!

    Praise the Lord for allowing us to be mothers to those children here, and to those chidren with Him.

    Love and prayer,
    Kenzie

  • Stephanie

    This is just so sweet and yet bittersweet for both of you I’m sure. What a wonderful gift you gave Sara by showing up and supporting her on her worst day. I can’t even imagine how overwhelmed she must have felt. I’m also glad you were able to go Angie, so that you could hug someone in person who really knows how you feel. Isn’t that just like the Lord to give both of you this gift of friendship amidst your darkest hour? I am so thankful for His constant provision for you. Thank you for sharing this and all your previous thoughts as well… I love how honest you’ve been with us. The Lord is speaking so clearly through you on this blog, even when you can’t hear it like we can. You are a blessing Angie and I am still praying for you and your family. Now I have a face for Sara too. Blessings to you today!

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    You’ve done it again….blessed so many with your openness and honesty. You gave to Sara, on a special Mother’s Day day something that she will always cherish……your presence & your whole unselfish self.

    I could not begin to imagine how extremely hard Mother’s Day was going to be for you. Goosebumps flooded my body as I read your entry this morning. But, I was not surprised that you went to be with Sara. That was a priceless gift & HE was there each step of the way to carry you through the day. ISN’T HE WONDERFUL?

    I believe that GOD sent you to Texas & GOD introduced you & Sara to each other. There are no coincidences, but there IS A GOD & HE IS POWERFUL! I say “Thank you GOD for allowing these two beautiful “Secret-Saintly-Sisters” to be together on such an important day in their lives. Thank you for allowing Angie to be so strong and so supportive even while grieving in her own sorrow.”

    I can imagine how you impacted the life of the man on the airplane, Angie. He will never be the same because of your story. God sent that man to be with you during that flight….you just never know what HE has planned.

    Take care sweet, precious Angie & enjoy your week with your family in Pensacola. I’m sure God has more people for you to witness to this week. Thank you for jump-starting my day again……love from Rose in Nashville.

  • Rebecca

    Angie, I found your blog yesterday through Kenzie Stanfield’s. I am not sure if I commented yesterday or not, but I don’t think so. So, hello. It’s nice to “meet” you.

    I am so new to this blog that I didn’t, at first, know who Sara is. I am so new to this blog that I don’t yet know which of you is Sara and which is you in the pictures in this post.

    I am so sorry for your loss, for Sara’s loss, for the losses of all the families whose babies are in Heaven, instead with their earthly families. I can’t imagine.

    But I am so thankful for each of your faithfulness, for your obedience, for your love of your child and of your God.

    I’m also thankful for this blog. Since last summer, I have read blogs of around a dozen families who found/find themselves in similar circumstances to yours. I wouldn’t wish the loss of a child — of any age — on any parent. But I have learned so much from reading these incredible blogs… about so many things.

    I will be back. I want to get to know you, your husband, your three older children, and Audrey Caroline better. I love you all already.

    Much love,
    Rebecca

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Grin & Barrett

    Angie,

    You writings have touched me in so many ways. Your love for god is so beautiful. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Jennifer

  • Randie Sanders

    I have been reading all these responses…what a miraculous thing is happening here! Angie because of your openess to share your pain and grief to reach out to complete strangers in your pain…so many women have been touched and changed some even coming back to the Lord or coming to the Lord for the first time! You are totally right Angie, Audrey had wieght in this world, she is making a difference through you, through the magnificent beautiful way you loved her and have shared her and have clung to Jesus. What amazing amazing women your little girls will grow into with such a faithful wonderful example for a mother. I am so touched on a deep level by all God is doing through this blog.

  • iheartchocolate

    This was beautiful, you both are beautiful!

    Thinking of you both.

  • Anonymous

    Angie~
    I have come across your blog about a month ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I must tell you that your blog has increased my need to find a church for me and my family. Your faith is so grand. I want to thank you for sharing your story with all of us. May God continue to bless you and your beautiful family.

  • asplashofsunshine

    You literally took my breath away while reading this entry. I stopped and focused before I could even begin to comment. What an amazing woman you are!

  • Susan

    Your story has truly touched me and I have thought and prayed for you and your family and now for Sara’s. Your note about “It is well” was really touching. My neices sing this song in church and they sung it last year at my mother’s funeral and it was one of her favorites.

    I think you must have a huge heart! What a great friend you are to Sara. {{{{Hugs}}}}

  • Cheri

    Im sure someone has mentioned this in a comment but I’ll say it again.

    Is anyone noticing that the two of you are practically wearing the same dress?!!

    Kindred spirits!

    God is good…all the time!

  • Erin

    What a wonderful thing you did for Sara! Your strength is amazing! May God continue to bless your family, as well as Sara’s!

  • Anonymous

    HI Angie,

    I haven’t posted a comment in a while, but I’ve checked your blog and raised your name in prayer daily.

    I didn’t get, until now, why I was drawn to your story. I figured it was the compassionate Mom in me. From your story, I’ve read and heard tons of other sad, awful stories. I have four children, two step-daughters and one son in heaven. I had a hysterectomy and can’t have any more kids. And, yet, here I was day after day crying over your story and praying like I’ve known you for years….sort of, in a way, feeling impending doom coming my way.

    Why?

    I read on for months…..bringing back all my old hurt from losing my own son to Heaven’s gate……to the days of a bitter divorce and losing my faith completely.

    I read on, despite the fact that since that terrible period of time, I’ve been born again (for several years now)–and treasure my relationship with our Father. My soul felt your pain, and I found it easy to pray on your behalf. Life was perfect for me………….

    Ahhh, well, tides turn direction all the time. I have had some devastating news arise in my life, and now my whole entire world is upside down. My heart is broken into a million pieces all over again. In a flash, however, every word, every entry….every page with every tear that you have written has flooded into my mind. It brings the greatest peace….I am overwhelmed in security with the spirit.

    The odd irony is that Satan is free to devastate, free to corrupt and free to destroy. His buffetings are like sand on the beach; countless and without number. The old Becky would be going straight to God saying “Why don’t you love me anymore? Why could you do this to me? Why, when I’ve tried so hard and been SO faithful? Why, why, why, why, why, why?” But, that was the Becky who existed before I understood the power and leading, guiding grace of God.

    Angie, I could go on forever about how the Lord holds us and loves through the dark. But, you have said it all–over and over again…..and said it perfectly. And, while my devastation isn’t losing yet another baby….it is equal in pain. Something that I treasure has been threatened and is on the edge of falling entirely apart—and instead of turning to God and asking why, I am FINALLY able to drop to my knees in praise. He will protect me, He will save me.

    And, He has given me the strength to make it. See, He led me to your terribly sad, life-shaking story about a beautiful baby girl…(whose red hair and perfect face resembles my own girls)….Audrey Caroline. The little perfect angel who is teaching people to praise Him–even when their legs can’t stand…..and their arms are weak.

    Audrey Caroline….you showed people that they can be TOTAL strangers and love each other like family. You taught people that no matter what the ache is…God can handle it. You’ve brought to my life the ability to praise when I’m hurting….because thousands of us have seen your Mommy and Daddy aching while calling out in praise to God. We’ve watched them do it for months now, and it hasn’t lessened or changed. In fact, I bet they praise Him even more.

    Thank you, darling little one. I will make it through the dark hour….holding to the old rugged cross. Partially because of you.

    Thank you, Angie. You’ve set up a forum for all kinds of growth. You just have no idea. It goes beyond us Mom’s who wear the name tag of “Mother of Lost Child/Children.” This is for everyone to know that no matter your horrible, awful, life-altering pain…God is good, and He is near. His grace is sufficient for us all.

    Yes, He has given-and He has taken away. I praise Him publicly now.

    Thanks, Angie, Sara and everyone else who knows how to praise……

    With prayers and love,
    Becky Cain

    beckycain6@comcast.net

  • boltefamily

    Wow! What a great surprise! You are so sweet to surprise her like that. Thanks for sharing your good times and tough times. It makes me feel so much less alone in this!

    Kristy Bolte

  • Kelly

    Oh this was so precious ….. I have been crying the ugly cry reading this. I loved that you went and were a friend to Sara. I loved that ya’ll “just knew” each other. Something about someone who has experienced the same life thing as you – just brings a bond like nothing else. I thank God for putting you two in each other’s paths.
    I love that Sara’s husband was raising his hands to praise God even in that moment. I’m afraid I would have had to run to a bathroom stall myself after experiencing that king of love and worship. It’s challenging me as I type right now.

  • Carlton and Aimee Weathers

    During my pregnancy with Sophie Ann, God provided a lady that was also going through the same thing. We became such good friends through e-mail. We ended up giving birth on the same day, Jan. 22. Six weeks after Sophie went home to be with Jesus, I flew out to Colorado to see her. Your post is so similar to our story. WE KNEW EACH OTHER. God has been so faithful, even as to provide a friend to help us through the storm. I truly love reading your posts. Its almost like I am writing them myself. Thank you.

  • Anonymous

    How wonderful that you could go and be with Sara at this time, with wounds still so fresh for you. You are truly a minister to so many!

  • Caroline

    A word from the Lord:

    “The Lord will also be a refuge and a high tower for the oppressed, a refuge and a stronghold in times of trouble (high cost, destitution, and desperation). And they who know Your name [who have experience and acquaintance with Your mercy] will lean on and confidently put their trust in You, for You, Lord, have not forsaken those who seek (inquire of and for) You [on the authority of God's Word and the right of their necessity].

    Psalm 9:9-10 (Amplified Bible)

  • The Shulls

    God bless you, Angy! We keep praying for you with the boys every night. I love to see the expression of our 18 months old when we pray for your family.

    What a beautiful surprise for Sara. May the Lord continue to bless you deeply and sweetly as only he can do it!

    Love,
    Mohana, for the Shulls

  • Kelly

    You are one amazing lady. I read your blog with admiration on how you have handled all of this and kept your faith. Your writing skills draw me in. How special is that you could be there with Sara on the day she needed you most. It must have been bittersweet. Like many others, I have cried and prayed for you and with you. Enjoy the beach!

  • Sarah Jones

    That is so incredible that you went there to be there for her in her time of need. You have such a good and loving heart!!!

    I wanted to ask you a question. How do you make yourself get on airplanes when you are so terrified of them? I have a very similar issue. I wasn’t scared of planes to begin with. I had taken like 11 flights by the age of 12. Then that stopped and in the years following I started having dreams about planes that couldn’t take off. I know that is symbolic of you feeling stuck in your life but for some reason I convinced myself that I was going to die in a plane crash if I ever got on a plane. None of the dreams ever had a plane crash in them, so I don’t know where this came from. My fear built and built on itself until it because a phobia. I cannot go into an airport without starting to freak out. I have had panic attacks since a little kid and just thinking about being in a plane terffies me and almost makes me panic. I know it is just absurd and that there is little to no chance in dying in a plane crash but still, the thought that maybe it could happen make me avoid planes like the plague. Did you ever go through anything similar? How do you make yourself do it? After reading your post about going to Ireland and how you were crying so much that the pilot had to come out and talk to you and you got on that plane, it reminded me of myself and made me think “well, if she was THAT scared and she got on that plane, I can do it too!!”. I don’t know. So anyways, how do you make yourself get on that plane? Have you ever had panic attacks over it?

  • Three Fold Cord

    He isn’t intimidated by my disappointment- Wow Angie what a place you have found with our Lord of intimacy and honesty. It is a treasure to be sure!!!
    Still praying!

  • Anonymous

    I love the David Crowder Band song you have on your site…..but I can’t find it on itunes. Where did you find it and how can I buy it?

    Thank you for glorifying our Lord in the midst of disaster.

  • Mindy

    What a special trip! You two look like you could be sisters – your clothes even sort of match!

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Blake & Danielle

    Your site is flooded with comments on a daily basis. People who have been touched. People who have been blessed. Struggling down a smiliar path of grief, your words have helped me today. It was actually an older post…the song. Music can reach the inner core of my being like nothing else can. It happened again today.

    I have been fighting inner conflict. Some days, my heart wishes I had never been pregnant. Had I not, I would not know how it feels to have an expanding waist line. How it feels to have a life moving indside. How it feels to suffer the pains of labor. How it feels to have your chest engorge. I would not know the pain of losing my only children. The thoughts come in moments I am weak. Thought they are fleeting they cause imense guilt and shame.

    Today I heard the song. “I Will Carry You”… My heart it at peace. It described “the good days” so well. I am grateful for my suffering as I know it has drawn me closer to my Maker. I am honored to have been chosen to carry Finley and Caroline and I will proudly carry them forever.

    I would love to get a copy of the song if it is available. Maybe this has been addressed and apologize if so. Thank you for writing, sharing,helping

  • Alicia

    Angie,
    I’ve been wanting to post a comment for quite sometime, but could never find the words. Tonight is no different, I still have no words to express my sorrow and joy in sharing in your story. Your life, your faith, and the way you and your family have loved God throughout your story. I wish I could express my sorrow for the loss of Audrey, but I cannot find the words. I wish you peace, and joy and happiness. Through the Lord, you will heal. What a beautiful testimony.
    <3 Alicia

  • Anonymous

    Happy belated Mother’s Day! Thank you for sharing. I think of Romans 1:12 “I am eager to encourage you in your faith but I also want be encouraged by yours. In this way each of us will be a blessing to the other.” Thank you for the blessing in my life because of your encouraging faith!
    ~Andrea

  • karen44

    Angie,
    I wonder if one day there’ll be a little room in heaven (well, maybe by then it’ll have to be a big room!) where all the people who’ve “met” through your blog will get to meet each other, and hug, and cry, and laugh.
    That would be nice. :o )
    See you there!
    -karen l.

  • Dugans

    God gives… in the midst of pain.. he gave you both a sweet sister…

  • applesofgold

    God puts people in your lives at certain times for a reason…and you and Sara are meant to hold and lift one another up. I’m sure of it. How awesome is our God!

  • Kristin S

    Angie
    What an amazing gift you gave to Sara and what courage it took to face that situation again so soon. As I read through the comments on your page after every one of your posts I am struck by the magnitude of your voice in this world. Did you ever think that you would move mountains with your story? But you have! Person after person on these pages have expressed their love and concern for you and your family, have shared their struggles, and have grown in their faith. All because of your courage. You took something so hearbreaking and made something amazing out of it. God’s grace is so evident in your life! I will forever be grateful to you, I will count myself blessed as one of the people that was a sister in Christ to an amazing woman. Someone commented earlier and I agree – you need to get out there and speak. I am convinced that the masses would come to see you. Have you ever considered the Women of Faith avenue? I hope that you really pray about the other ways that God can use you and your story to continue to change the world. Anyone who has ever said that one person can’t change the world has not experienced your blog. You are a treasue to each and everyone that reads these pages.
    May He bless you tonight.
    Kristin S in SD

  • Jody

    Not a day goes by when I don’t think and pray for you and your family. Mother’s Day was no different.
    I’ve been in that place of not knowing to scream at God or praise Him and wondering how He could love me when I my heart was so torn. I sometimes still find myself in that place…and yet God has never let me go. As you said, He draws us deeper and I have found more and more grace and mercy and even blessing beyond what I could imagine.
    I often tell people I would never have chose the path of tragedy and the death of Teagan in my life. Yet God has reached down and touched me and still is ‘wrapped around me’ in a way I never experienced before death and pain and hurt. I don’t know that He would have my ‘full attention’ in life if it weren’t for the way things have played out the past several years.
    My arms ache at the longing for my little girl often. Still, I know that God understands and I am blown away at the ways He has ‘filled my heart and life’ even through my grief.
    I also have to tell you that Chip and I sang along to the song “It Is Well” at both of Teagan’s memorial services- it was the closing hymn. And both times I remember that we couldn’t wipe the smiles off of our faces as we held onto one another and through our tears we fully accepted God’s ways in our lives and Teagan’s death. Some people thought we were crazy and in denial. But it was the amazing peace that God poured out that was so real and unmistakeable that just made our hearts glad. Even in death. We know we will see Teagan again someday. We know she is free from the trials and pain of this world. And to be honest, most days I feel like she is the ‘lucky one’ of all my kids- she is in Heaven for all eternity. I just pray that God will bring all my other children into relationship with Him so we will all be together and worship and praise Him. Someday.

    Thank you so much, for continuing to share so deeply- the pain, the hurt, the loss, the questions and moreso, the BEAUTY that continues to show itself through Audrey’s death. She is an ongoing joy and treasure in your life. And many others, as testament here.
    All my love and continued prayers.

  • Joel, Joylynn, and Jacob Marlowe

    I am too a mommy. I have one son. He was born two months early; in the NICU for two weeks immediately following his birth(they said it would be four weeks). April 1 he was released; he was a big boy ready to go home. Then Sunday May 4th I awoke to find his body soulless. You know my grief. He was publically surrendered to our Lord on his due date May 10th. I know He is with me and loves me. I know my Jacob is in the arms of the Savior but I wish that I could still be holding my precious lil one, my cuddle bug.

  • Lissa Lane

    >I was disappointed with God.

    Do I praise Him? Yes.

    Do I love Him deeply and with abandon? Yes.

    Do I trust Him? Yes.

    Am I disappointed that our children are gone? I am.<

    This is how I am exactly sweetheart. 100%

  • Erin

    How sweet of a story!

  • Kathleen in TX

    What a precious gift from God you and Sara are for eachother. I am praying for the both of you.

  • Anonymous

    You are amazing!
    I will continue to pray for you.
    Erika Allison in MS
    http://www.isabellalandry.wordpress.com

  • Anonymous

    Dear Angie…
    My pastor’s little boy once said that he was scared and his daddy and he talked about Jesus being there with at all times…and this little boy said he needed someone with skin on. We talked then about people in our lives that God sends us to be Him “with skin on”…it seems that Sara and you are just that for each other. What a blessing and a miracle to have found someone like Sara, a kindred soul, even better yet – a sister in Christ that you will no doubt see again in eternity, to share this burden of loss with you. I am praising God that you have each other! I am glad that your trip went well and for that dear man!! (another example!!)

    Blessings to you today Angie, your entry brought me to tears again…May the Lord bring you peace and wrap you up in His arms when the saddness overcomes…

    Love in Christ,
    Rosie……from IL

  • Randie Sanders

    Angie I know I keep commenting here…lol but I just cannot stay away! I keep reading all these womens comments and it reminds me of a fiction book called “The Watchers” where a womans blog touches millions. I feel the power of God through so many of these responses. I just sit here and read all of the womens responses and cry and laugh with joy and despair.

    So many hurting but finding JOY true joy in our Jesus. When I think of Joy I dont think of laughing and running around with a happy face, that is a kind of joy yes but as you grow deep into the Lord and put your roots deep in His love DEEP true PURE joy floods your soul. Joy that cannot be manufactured, that radiates from your body. The deep joy knowing that heaven awaits, that HE awaits us.

    Pain is part of this earth but JOY is part of heaven that comes down to earth that Gods grace and Spirit deposit into the souls and hearts of us who know Him.

  • traci

    Ok..I bawl my eyes out every single time I ready your blog. Im a MESS with a headache each time but it is SO WORTH IT!!!! You two look like you could be sisters…ya know as I just typed that I realize the reason you “look” like sisters is because in Gods eyes you ARE!! How amazing that you went and how amazing that “it is well”. I had no idea how that song came about. I love it even more now!!! Thank you so much for sharing.

  • bas

    Happy Mothers Day (belated) to a wonderful example of motherhood. You praise Him through everything, even the sorrow. I have learned so much from your amazing faith. I understand being dissapointed with Him, and what He is allowing to happen in my life. I know he always has a plan to NEVER hurt me, but I sure feel hurt. It HURTS and that is the truth. I know he uses our hurt to grow us in impossibly wonderful ways, but I want to know NOW just what I need to learn, what lesson, WHY? Cry out to Him, Angie, because He wants that, and you need it. The emotions He gives you are cathartic, and healing. None of them are wrong, and He will use them to bring you (and me) to a place that He can do what He needs to do in order to make us the person we were meant to be. I hold to that thought, and pray for you.
    Peace, Angie.
    Love in Him
    Beverly

  • Becca

    How absolutely precious. I love that you surprised your friend that way. And I love how you are both disappointed and grateful at the same time. Isn’t it odd how two such opposite emotions can exist simultaneously? How you can be struck with a grief that physically brings you to your knees, and at the same time have a heart that is overflowing with love and gratitude?

    It is the same way in Guatemala – the country is so beautiful, the people so beautiful – but you can turn your head away from the beautiful volcanoes, the breathtaking flowers – and see such despair and sadness – such sheer poverty and anguish. It is a place both filled with beauty and hope, as well as sadness and (at times) hopelessness. My new definition of Bittersweet…

    I might never meet our first baby we tried to bring home (failed adoption) and that fills my heart with disappointment and sadness, but my cup overflows with gratefulness to Him Above who brought my daughter to me. So very bittersweet.

    Hang in there, Blessed Momma, you are an inspiration and your ministry/message is bringing others closer to Jesus – and there is nothing more beautiful than that.

    Peace and Hugs,
    Becca

  • Cara

    I am so glad I came here tonight. Your words always bless my heart so much. I am so glad that you have met Sara now, and that you were able to be there to walk with her through such a difficult day. I pray for you often, but I prayed for you particularly heavily on Mother’s Day, not knowing that God had indeed done an amazing thing. Thank you for sharing this and your heart. Your testimony has drawn me closer to our beautiful Savior. Thank you.

  • Cara

    P.S. I’m confused about Pensacola…anyone else? I don’t get why you went there (although I’m glad you got to be on the beach!) Just curious!

  • Jack Hager

    The price paid to be able to weep with those who weep is so very much…and I do not understand the “whys”…but, for that matter, nor do I understand “why” Jesus took the hit for me…But I do know your writing has ministered to tens of thousands…which I can’t wrap around…but I can again say “thanks” for ministering to me.
    Continuing to pray

  • Angie Plude

    you are truely amazing. my wish for children is that they can have your strength.

  • Anonymous

    What a beautiful post. And what two beautiful mothers, who despite the sorrow they are experiencing so clearly have the joy of hope in Christ on their faces. :) God Bless you both~

  • Anonymous

    I woke up at almost five this morning amid a rain storms and came across your blog. I spent the next three hours reading all of it and crying. I am a fellow believer and would like to share my story with you. I am also living this “new life,” a mother would cannot parent all of her children. I have 6 children-3 on earth and 3 with the Lord. At 23, I had a tubal pregnancy. At 24, we were blessed with our oldest son-he is amazing and insightful! At 25, we got pregnant again, and what followed was the most trying time of our lives. We lost our baby at 18 weeks after a week of labor, placental abruption, and miscarriage. He was completely normal. Sometimes you wish something would have been wrong so you will feel like you have some reason, some answers. What we learned was that we don’t have the answers and we aren’t supposed to. It’s not our job to know everything, just to press in and trust the Lord. He knows what he is doing. At 26, we were pregnant again, and this time I had a blighted ovum. We felt like we were done having children. I for one could not stand the pain, but the Lord would not let me go. I tried to give up the dream of having more children, but I couldn’t. At a friends urging, we went to see a fertility specialist, doubting that the answers would be good. The answers were great! We were pregnant within 5 weeks with TWINS! Although I was on bedrest from week 4 to week 31, when they were born, I would not change it. The Lord taught me patience in that situation. They spent time in the NICU and came home on monitors. I would have preferred them to be born on time, but this way I have gotten to see the Lord miraculously heal them every day and make them whole. It has been a long journey We count ourselves as blessed to have our children and moreso to know Him who carries all of us in His hand. I would not have chosen this road, but the Lord has chosen it for me. It is a ministry born out of grief and triumph, written in a way that only He can. I still grieve over my son Gabriel, but know that he is in Heaven. To all those mothers out there who miscarried, don’t let anyone tell you that you are not a mother-God has blessed you with children, no matter how short the time period. “”…so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11″
    God Bless you all,
    April

  • kim

    Angie you are a blessing to me and you encouragment me in your words. Thanks for sharing with me and giving me light in my dark paths. God Bless, KIM

  • Jeanne Wroten

    You are so brave. I know that was hard but at the same time you had to be there. You are an inspiration to me.

  • Elaine

    I read your blog often( found it through another blog) and you and your family is on my mind quite a bit. I know when we are in Nashville in July I will be wondering if we will bump into each other. You are an inspiration. Take care.

  • steele family

    You and Sara are in my prayers. What a gift of love you gave to her by flying to be there for her son’s service. God is surely showing just how strong He is during our weakness. Bless you.

  • Laura

    What a great friend you are…I have a similar story of meeting a stranger and walking through the loss of our babies together. The condition our babies had were a 1:40,000 chance of happening and we live only 10 min away from eachother. I love how God can comfort us through someone we never knew….we will be friends forever and so will you and Sara.

    I love reading your blog…are you sure you have not been reading my journal? ;) I too go from the pretty cry to the convulsing, squeaking sobs. Wish I was there crying with you in person…but know I am crying with you a few states away. I know my Pearl and Audrey are walking together cheering their mamas on!

    Praying for you and sending love….

  • Anonymous

    So glad you got to see your new friend. She must be a kindred spirit! (Anne of Green Gables and redheads, gotta love it.) I think of you often and put prayers to those thoughts. How are your girls?

    Renee

  • Kim

    Angie,
    I loved reading your blog today. At times I had tears running down my face, and other times I had to wipe them while I laughed. You have such a gift for written expression. Speaking of writing, “Disappointment With God” is well worth your time reading. I read it years ago while struggling with infertility and asking questions like “Why not me? Why can’t I get pregnant and SHE can?” And you’re right. God can handle our disappointment and even our anger. I’m praying for peace and strength in your life. Thanks for sharing with us.

  • Kim

    WOW! That was such a sweet surprise for Sara. I am so glad that the two of you have each other to lean on. I wish my friend could of had that. God truely has blessed the two of you with this special friendship. I’m so glad that you had a beautiful Mother’s Day. And I’m so glad that you were there for Sara in her time of need. I know your words weren’t there for my friend but I think they could help her still with the healing. This was her first Mother’s Day with out her baby boy. This August will mark the 1 year anniversay that her baby boy went home to be with the Lord. Praise the Lord she is pregnant again and so far the pregancy is going good. Thank you for sharing your life, I will share this with her too.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    Thank you so much for sharing your story. Thank you for being so “real”. You and your family are in my prayers.

    ~Renee

  • joyfullness

    Just another in the sea of “awe-lookers” I have been following your heart for weeks now.. my life will never be the same.. i look for your words daily..i just want to know that you are making it through.. my prayers…and those of so many that your faith-FILLED words have touched…are continuing to be answered!! Thank you for taking the time to LOve on so many of us by LOVING OUR LORD!!!
    I am in AWE over your visit !! What a God “on purpose”!!!! Everytime i read your posts.. i can’t even see the screen.. I am TOUCHED by how raw your heart is..i will never be the same..and your incredible gift of story telling…(this is my story…this is my song…praising my Savior..all the day long!!) makes the everyday come to life for me!! I need a picture.. the “moving..picture”..and My God has SPOKEN to me clearly…( sometimes it is quiet and sometimes it is loud..as you say..) but CLEARLY!! Maybe i just haven’t always been listening… BUT HE IS CLEAR!!! And He is LOVE!
    Thank you!!! for so much Angie!!
    I am grate-FULL…

  • Anonymous

    Crying tears for you both & the moments you shared together. What a special friendship you two have. You all share something so special that most can not understand & feel… and I’m sure it felt good to embrace each other & let the emotions run the gamut! PRAYING for you both & your families. Smiling you have each other’s friendship. :)

    - Rachel in Kansas City

  • lindsay k.

    just wanted you to know i was here. i have tried to type and re-type what i’m thinking but the words just don’t seem to make any sense. still praying for you all.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    I just read the last two posts – and I’m glad there aren’t too many people here today as I wipe my eyes! What a beautiful gift for both of you to meet and share in person – you’ve made a lifetime friend. But I do have to say, with a little chuckle, as much as I’d love to meet you someday, I’d rather it wasn’t on an airplane! :-)

    Trudi
    fln

  • Nicole

    Angie, I’m at a loss of words today, so just know I’m praying for you.

  • Brandon and Wizzy

    Angie –

    I was listening to the song “Borrow Mine” by Bebo Norman today and it immediately brought you to mind. While I have never been through anything like you I continue to be amazed by how much you have taught me about the nature of our God and Father. Thank you for your continued honesty and openness and I hope you truly truly understand how many people you are helping, even the ones who have not faced loss in the way you have. I am praying God will continue to give you His strength and that you will “Borrow” whatever you need from him!!!

  • Jeff and Amy

    Angie, been reading your blog for a while and my heart breaks for you, and I pray for you often. So many times I read with tears streaming down my face not only tears of saddness but thankfulness. Thankful that you have chosen to share your story in hopes that others may find peace in the arms of God during tragic circumstances. May God continue to give your strenth :)

  • Bethany

    I’ve been keeping up w/ your blog every since somone on our mommy board posted your story. I am truely amazed at your strength. I also LOVE the fact that you got to meet and know someone who went through some of the same things and are now friends. It’s an amazing story. Your blog is very touching and sincere. I cry every.single.time I read it. I hope that you keep writing. It’s very inspiring.

  • capitoldiver

    The day sounds totally awesome. What a blessing the two of you were to each other, and an inspiration to all of us.

    You ladies look like you planned the event, down to wearing VERY similar dresses! Talk about being in sync! I love it!

  • Bevy

    I’m so glad that you were able to comfort those in the way that you’ve been comforted! Wow – you really HATE flying – you are my hero and so BRAVE!
    I’m glad you were there!
    :)

  • Kim (marygracesummons.blogspot.com)

    Dear Angie,
    What a beautiful day you had. I live in Texas and my baby Mary Grace is buried in Kentucky where we had the service. (having her in KY is so very hard but I knew it was where I wanted her to be). We had her service at the church I grew up in. I had met Emily on line through her blog and she surprised me at Mary’s service in much the same way. Isn’t God good?! It meant the world to me. I am so glad you were with Sara and that you were able to celebrate your babies together. Thank you for sharing your day and yourself. I will continue to lift you up in prayers.
    With love,
    Kim

  • Stacy D

    As someone going through a difficult pregnancy with a horrible prognosis and an uncertain outcome, I find so much comfort when I reade your blog. Your faith and you strength are such an encouragement to me. Thank you for sharing your heart.

    ~ Stacy

  • Andrea

    Oh Angie – thanks for sharing again!!! It is so awesome that you could be there for Sarah. What a great person you are. You both are still in my prayers – genuinely, I mean that. God Bless :-)

  • zowoco

    Hello, I found you by keying in “rain blog” to google search…I love your music and your children – how did you fit the music on?

    kdoob@btinternet.com

    :)

  • Mary C

    I am weeping for you both right now.

    Thank you for sharing this.

  • Anonymous

    God has definitely brought you together. And you flying to be with Sara and her family must have been a wonderful surprise for her. The photos of your meeting are beautiful.

    May the Lord bless you all with strength, faith, hope and peace.

  • Adrienne and Jim

    Angie,

    I wish so much you and Sara had not been brought together this way, but I am so thankful to God for bringing you together. If anyone can feel what you feel, you and Sara can for each other. Did she feel in ways like the closest friend you’ve ever had? I loved how you said you knew each other. I think those words speak volumes in so many ways. You didn’t just recognize each other but knew each other on a deeper level, on a spiritual level that no one else can understand. What a beautiful gift you are to each other!

    I hope the rest of your trip was/is wonderful!

    Happy Belated Mother’s Day!
    Love,
    Adrienne

  • Radez Family

    Dear Angie,
    I have just spent the last few hours reading through the amazing journey God has brought you through. Thank you for giving others a glimpse into what you and so many others have been through. I enjoy reading Christian fiction from authors such as Karen Kingsbury and Francine RIvers. Throughout your story I had to remind myself that your story is real, even though I didn’t want it to be. I was captivated and drawn into your life, and will continue to pray that the God of all comfort will comfort you in your troubles so that you may comfort others in any troubles (such as Sara) with the comfort you receive from Him (2 Cor 1).

  • John and Brandy

    How wonderful! Friendship is such a treasure, and it is amazing to see how God starts each and every one! I hope you don’t mind, but I am quoting you again… God truly shines through you! I am so blessed and a much better christian/person to have gotten the chance to share in your story!

  • Jodie Adams

    Angie, I can’t tell you how touched I am to read your blog. It always takes me back to when I lost my son. It will be 3 years this year and I wish I could tell you it gets better. It just gets more bearable. I miss him everyday. Are you from Pensacola? That is where I had my sweet baby boy, at Sacred Heart Hospital. I used to live in Crestview, Florida. Now I live in Okinawa, Japan because my husband got stationed here. I think it’s wonderful that you met someone who understands what you are going through. I would have loved to have had a friend like that during my time of need. What a blessing. Keep your head up. I love this quote and want to share it with you, “Dear God, since I couldn’t hold my son and tell him about you will you hold him and tell him about me?” Hugs-Jodie Adams

  • Sarah

    Wonderful!
    Sarah

  • Mandy

    You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known and coming from another woman I think you know what I mean. The beauty that is inside your heart just radiates out of you. May you be blessed.

  • Faith Hope Love Mama

    I just wonder if I can ever read your beautiful posts without bawling my head off. Some of my tears are happy tears that rejoice with you in your gratefulness!! What a wonderful surprise for you and Sara. I think that God has truly had his hand on you both and may you both have a beautiful life long friendship because of your adorable little babies. Blessings to you both!

  • Laura

    Long time reader, first time poster…Just wanted to comment on how much you two look like sisters in that picture. Thanks for sharing the beauty and the pain of your story. My heart is with you, dear “stranger”.

  • smileysk8

    I am glad to hear you could be there for Sara. I have been reading your blog for a long time now and praying for you and your family. Happy belated Mother’s Day. Thanks for sharing your story and sharing your heart. God bless!

  • starbee

    Hi! I found your blog a week or so after you had your sweet daughter. I have been following ever since. Know that I think of you often and from you have learned to trust and lean on God more than I ever have and have treasured my own daughter much much more and thank God for every day I get to be her mom, though I don’t deserve her. Thank you soooo much for being such an awesome example for us all.

  • Marlita

    Angie,
    You have been such an encouragement to hundreds of people, myself included. In September of 2006 we lost our son. At the time, I couldn’t imagine how anyone could bear the pain of losing a child. There are people, that after the loss of their child have no where to turn. To see how you turn to God during your grief blesses me. To know how many people you are touching encourages me to share my story. I am a part of a Christian support group for families who have lost a baby.( M.E.N.D.-Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death) and hope that anyone who is grieving can know that the burden does lighten, and that God will carry them through. I look at your blog daily, and please know that your in my thoughts and prayers. You will never forget sweet Audrey, and neither will I.

  • McMurrays

    I love your authenticiy, pure heart and amazing honest FAITH. . .thanks for inspiring me.
    Darcy

  • The Dixie Six

    Dearest Angie,
    I came upon your blog today through someone else’s blog. I have read your story from the beginning. The tears have been flowing from my eyes. I marvel at your strength and your faith in God. I too am a christian, but belong to a different religion. I have always felt that I had faith in Christ, but I know if I was faced with the challenges and trials in my life that you have had to face, I know that my faith would not be so strong. I admire you deeply. I too went through a loss 2 years ago, but early on in my pregnancy. I never really had the chance to get attached. And I don’t know if I could have been as brave as you. You have definately, set a great example of christ like love. I wish you and your family the best. I know that God lives and that life is Eternal. I know that little Audrey was already perfect and that God needed her to set an example for us all to follow. Thank you for sharing your story with so many people.
    God Bless!

  • Andrea

    Angie,

    Thanks for posting your story. I have been reading for awhile but this last post was especially encouraging to me right now. My dad died almost 13 years ago when I was only 13. I have only just realized that the pain of missing him, of wondering what kind of person he would be now, or of wondering what kind of person my sister and I might be if we had known him all these years, is not likely to ever go away.

    No one told me 13 years ago that it was ok to be disapointed, that it was ok to grieve, and to express those feelings. They just gave me quick little answers like “Things happen for a reason,” “you can learn from this and be stronger for it,” stuff like that. And I could feel that they wanted me to just be ok at school and church, so that’s what I pretended to be.

    At 13 the whole “everything happens for a reason” thing made no sense to me. I thought that expressing disapointment in God would mean I didn’t love God and would have to turn away from Him. I never realized I could express my disapointment to God and it would actually bring me closer to Him. I could know His comfort even if I didn’t understand His ways. Learning this changed my entire perspective. I miss my dad almost every day but I now see the ways in which God has provided comfort and encouragement and it is enough to start moving forward again in those moments when it seems the grief is too much.

    Reading your blog today was that snippet of encouragement I needed today. The rest of my family is flying to Europe and I have been checking their flight status like a nut. Just one of those weird ways my personal grief has made me a different person than I might have been. Thank you for reminding me that it’s ok to be disapointed. And of the peace we find in knowing God loves us and is always with us. I never knew the story of It is Well. So thank you ever so much. I am praying for you and your family.

  • Jennifer L. Griffith

    You two ladies and your families have walked out the value of one life…we are all precious in the eyes of God, no matter the brevity or longevity of our time.

    Thanks for sharing your precious journey in Christ.

  • collybird

    Oh Angie, you never fail to warm my heart. I’m sure your visit meant more to Sara than words can say.

    You can add another thing to Audrey’s long, long list of achievements – she brought you and Sara together.

  • Jeremey and Jessica

    Angie, I was driving home late last night and heard a song by Jo Dee Messina called Bring on the Rain. It immediately brought you to the forefront of my thoughts again. “Tomorrow’s another day, I’m thirsty anyway, bring on the rain.” Tomorrow IS another day, and can I ever quinch my thirst for the Lord? Bring On The Rain. You and your family are forever in my heart.
    Love and Prayers,
    Jessica

  • My2Gs

    Angie,
    Thank you so much for bearing your heart and soul. You have touched so many through your blog.
    http://my2gs.blogspot.com/2008/05/google-reader.html

  • Jeanine

    You are so incredibly gifted with words. I had chills running down my arms as I read about your trip to Texas and I think it is just so wonderful how God connects people who can hold each other up. Sara is so blessed to have a faithful friend like you.

  • Kimber

    You are an amazing woman to go and be with Sara on such a day. Just amazing and inspiring.

    Kim

  • Madeline

    Dear Angie,
    We may be strangers, but through your story and blogs I feel I have come to know you and your family. You have such incredible strength and such unwavering faith. I am not a religious person, but you have made me think of God in a different light, that He is walking with you through life and make you and your family stronger.
    You have such a beautiful spirit, Angie, your story is inspirational beyond words.

    Madeline, New Zealand

  • Lauren

    Our 2-year-old son drowned last January and, as you know, our world will never be the same. But I do think that a “turning point” for us came about 8 months later when we were introduced to a family whose son (same age, same circumstances) had passed away. They were in our same town but we did not know them. We went to their son’s funeral and I cried and cried! It was just as you described, looking into your world from a different perspective. But we saw the same God who had given us the strength to take the next step, show up for this family to help ease their enormous burden. The songs were the same, the peculiar joy was the same, the incredible sadness was the same. And we have the same hope, as do you. What an invaluable gift and blessing that our children are with Jesus. I have tried to sum up my feelings — my pull for my son and for the Lord and the reality of taking care of the rest of the family here on earth. And the best way I can say it is that we are Homesick! We can’t wait to be home.

    My husband and I are currently reading Yancey’s book that you mentioned. I understand your sentiments entirely.

    God bless you for reaching out to help someone else going through a difficult time. I know you were such a blessing and you will be blessed in return. Our prayers are with you!

  • Aimee

    Happy Birthday Angie!

    Praying that your day is filled with love, family and friends! I hope that you have a great day!

    Love,
    Aimee Wade
    Avon, New York

  • Bridget =)

    Happy Birthday, Angie! I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful day!!!!
    Hugs,
    Bridget =)

  • Laura L.

    Prayers for you today, and for Sarah too.
    Though your story and experience is never something you would have chosen, I know it’s going to mightily minister to others. Your loss and pain is going to bring forth a harvest of ministry in others’ lives.

    Just reading your story has blessed me today. It is precious how the Lord has helped you to be so real and open with it.

    May you be comforted and blessed in a new way on this day. May our Lord hold you tightly today and always.

  • Cammie

    Happy Birthday Angie!!! I hope you had a wonderful time at the beach. You are in my prayers every day.

  • Anonymous

    dear angie,

    hope you have a blessed birthday. we are saying lots of prayers for you and todd and the girls.

    god’s richest blessings are headed your way

    thanks for sharing your heart with us.

    love in him
    melody

  • Jill

    Happy Birthday Enjoy. I hope it’s an extra nice, special day for you and your family.

    Thanks for continuing to be an encouragement to us all.

    Jill :)

  • Liz @ My Full Cup

    Just droping by to wish you a happy birthday!! I hope you have a wonderful day. You are in my prayers!

    Love,
    Elizabeth

  • Anonymous

    Happy Birthday, dear sweet Angie. I hope it was joy filled. Know you are loved…

  • Anonymous

    Happy birthday, please know that prayers for peace have been said for you on this day that I’m sure has been bitter sweet.

  • Mary-Dare

    You have so many comments I am not sure how you will ever read them all. I am so blessed to have found this blog.
    Today, May 19th, would have been my son Mac Montomery Sharp’s second birthday. A friend of mine called me because she was thinking of me and told me of your blog.
    When I was 18 weeks, I found out there was a problem with Mac’s kidneys. Most likely, but not definitely post urethral valve. I am a nurse, so immediatley things became a panic. I knew just enought to drive myself crazy. I was in a high risk office the next day. The first ultrasound was just routine. Just to find out if he was a boy or a girl. Routine it was not. From that point things went down hill. I had absolutely no amniotic fluid by twenty weeks. We believed and prayed for God’s healing. We watched things worsen over the months to come. Cherished every minute we had with him. He was born May 19th, 2006. He lived approximately two hours. We saw all the specialist and talked to anyone who may know anything that could help us. We came to a peace about not putting him through any heroics and letting God carry out his will. We made all of the arrangements ahead of time just as you all. It is uncanny the similarities. Even our ultrsound tech’s name was Patty. I always felt so alone during that time and still do at times. Just today, I thought no one remembers my precious Mac. Then my friend from Texas, that I haven’t seen in years, calls me. We talk from time to time. She is the one who remembered and told me of your blog.
    Things do get better. I recently had a friend who went through a trememdous miracle with her son. That has helped to restore my faith in many ways. You can see there story at http://www.thegiffens.blogspot.com
    The most ironic thing of all of this is that I am a huge Selah fan. During my pregnancy and time after, your CD’s brought me so much comfort.
    Mother’s day was right before Mac’s birth. I remember thinking that day “It is well with my soul…” I also had the same thought. We had that very song at his memorial service.
    I am so grateful to you for putting your heart and story out here for all of us.
    I am in Memphis. So surreal that someone as close as Brentwood could be bringing so much hope to so many all over.

    I know that at times words seem to not penetrate the numbness that surrounds you, but in the end God is there. Just like everyone says and all the songs we sing tell us. He is good and faithful. We already had a daughter, Jane, and we now have a 12 week old son Wyatt.
    Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
    God’s blessings and peace to you and your beautiful family.

    Mary-Dare Sharp

  • Amanda

    I am so glad that God has given you a friend who can walk through all of this with you. I hate that both of you have to experience this loss…but I thank God that you have each other and don’t have to feel alone. What a great surprise for Sara. It’s amazing that you two even look alike!

  • Kathi

    Happy Birthday Angie! You and your family are in my prayers every day.

  • A Friend in Philadelphia PA

    I thank the Lord that I have found your blog. You have changed my life forever. You are such an inspiration to me to always see God in every situation,no matter what. I’ll thank you in person one day when we meet in Heaven (I have a baby that lives there, too).
    God bless you!
    Because of Jesus,
    BCN

  • Anonymous

    Can you tell me where you fouond the song ALl that I can say. I looked everywhere for it and can not seem to locate it on any of David Crowder CDs. Please let me know at travis.family@hotmail.com

  • CrownLaidDown

    Praying for you, dear ones.
    Love,
    holly

  • Zachary

    Thank you for such a beautiful blog. My wife and I attended the Selah concert last Saturday night in Bangor, Maine. We were both crying as Todd shared with the audience your story. Thank you for your testimony. You have really touched my heart and brought a wake up call that I now know was so desperetly needed. Thank you for finding praise and glory to God in your time of sorrow, and using your heart break to touch so many lives. I am ashamed that in the past no matter what my situation was or could have been that I was so selfish and had the “poor me” attitude. Thank you four touching my life, and thank you for allowing God to restore something I needed through your situation. My wife and I are praying for you and your family.

  • .Bella.

    You were in my dream last night. I’ve followed your journey on here and I never left a comment, because I was never sure what to say. & as you can tell I’m not sure what to say now, besides, I still pray for you. I think about you and your family a lot and I think you are one of the strongest people in the world.

  • Anonymous

    Hi! I’ve been reading your blog for a while now and haven’t commented until now. You are truly an inspiration to many. Thank you for sharing your story with the world. I know your family has changed lives forever (including mine). Thank you Angie.

  • Lisa

    Just wanted to wish you a Happy Belated Birthday! Audrey’s song was recorded yesterday, right? I hope the day was perfect.

  • Kelly Sharpe

    Angie,

    I was directed to your blog by a body-building friend. It has touched my heart…and frightened me a little. I have great trust in God, please understand.

    My daughter is not quite 20 weeks pregnant and her baby has been diagnosed with hydrops, which has a 95% mortality rate.

    We will accept God’s decision in the matter, but for now, we are coveting the prayers of all we can find. Please add Morgen and her unborn child to your prayer lists at church, etc.

    My daughter is confident that everything will be fine, and I am praying that she is right. I am terrified of what my daughter may have to face. She is only 19…but she is a strong woman.

    Anyway, thanks for “listening.”

    kel

  • Julia

    Angie,
    You express yourself so beautifully with writing. I am so glad I have a box of tissues at my desk to use when I know I am about to click on your blog.
    The story of Brandon’s reaction was heart-wrenching. I am weeping.
    Thank you for visiting your friend, how beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing your journey…it has truly made me able to live with disappointment with God myself.

  • walkingbyfaith

    God lead me to your blog today. While working, I have read through it from beginning to end. I don’t know why God chose me or today for this, other than maybe He felt you needed just one more prayer warrior? I weep that I didn’t know your story before now, where I could pray with you through your journey, but I also know that prayers are needed now just as much as ever. You are a talented writer, Angie. You have beautifully told Audrey’s story in a way that breaks my heart while reminding me to praise our merciful, loving Lord in every situation that comes my way. Thank you SO much for sharing your story.

    I hope to get to know you better each day.

    Love from a sister…

  • amy

    it’s funny that you mention ‘it is well’. my daughter was stillborn 3 yrs ago and one of the songs i used to play for her in the womb is ‘the innocence mission’ version of ‘it is well’ off of their lullaby cd ‘now the day is over’… after my first daughter passed, i listened to the cd and that song over and over… and then i reached out to Karen Peris via email and thanked her for the cd and her voice and told her how much comfort it had brought me with my loss. karen responded by sharing with me the story of her miscarriage a few years before.

    i became pregnant again 7 weeks after delivering our sweet avery (yes, God is great!) and my second daughter is now 2. she and her little sister, who’s 7 months, listen to that cd and song every time they go to bed. usually my 2 yr old wants to sing ‘somewhere over the rainbow’ or ‘moon river’ off the cd… but a couple of weeks ago i found her playing in her room listening to the cd and clear as day she was singing, ‘it is well… with my soul’ and my heart just about exploded…. on the one hand from hearing that small little innocent voice singing that song… and on the other hand, knowing there was a small little voice i’d never get to hear sing…

  • Donna

    I just had to share how this past Sunday I was asked to do the call to worship at my church and I’m like oh Lord what will you have me to say! I’d read your blog during the week and I recall how the Lord ministered to me even as I’d read it so I just shared the story of how He’d brought the two of you together, both in very painful situations yet how He proves Himself to be a comforter, even in losing a child and how joy can abound in knowing that your children are currently with the King of King and the Lord of Lords and when you past from this life into the next, you will meet Him there. It’s not so long it’s see you later:) I was so full and I could just feel myself becoming consumed by the power of the Holy Spirit just sharing what you wrote on this blog.

    I praise God not for your pain of course!!!! But do know He’s using your stories to minister, to heal, to display His love for His children even in pain. I cannot imagine what it’s like so I would not say so however please know how much your story is being used within the Body!!

    Grace & Peace

  • Martha

    Sweet Kate, thank you for sharing your heart so transparently. Our losses are different. Our Hope, the same.

  • Amy

    What an amazing child of God you are!!! You are an angel!