Sweet Baby Lukie

(written on 5/30, posted on 5/31)

Today was one of the most difficult days of my life, but I can truly see the healing hands of God at work in all of us.  We spent about 4 1/2 hours at the funeral home together, making decisions about where to bury baby Luke (They have wisely decided to have him “held” here until they choose his final resting place).  This way, they can feel the Spirit’s urging to go where ever they feel He is calling, and then have Lukie join them there.

I was blessed to be able to see him today, and he looked so beautiful.  He just looked like a healthy, strong, big boy, ready to take on the world.  I had been worried about what that moment would feel like, looking at him in his little outfit in his tiny casket.  I felt great peace as soon as I walked into the parlor…he looked like himself to me, and that was a great comfort.  I ruffled his little hair up and talked to him for a few minutes about how much he was loved.  I held his hands and squeezed his little roly-poly thighs.  As everyone who had come to the funeral home made their way up to him, cries echoed throughout the room.  There were only a few of us, but we each spent time alone with sweet Luke. 
Often times the guttural, aching sounds gave way to hushed prayer, and I realized that this is the mark of the believer in this horrifying moment.  ”Lord, I am empty, I am angry.  I want it to be different.  You could bring him back right this second if you so chose…but, it feels like for reasons we do not understand, you have chosen this instead….and so, we come humbly, barefoot, with our heads bowed, and we just ask for you to help us survive this grief.”  
If we didn’t need Him so much, we would all be tempted to turn our backs, I’m sure.
Today, that feeling has predominated my thinking…”I need you, I trust you, but I feel like you have failed me by letting them go.”  And then two breaths later, I am saying, “Oh Lord Jesus, come and mend.  Come and heal.  Only You can fix this disaster!”  What a strange balance.  At the end of the day it comes down to this, and for years, when I have been faced with any difficult situations, minor or major, I have told Todd that I have heard God said to me: 
Either you do or you don’t.
I can’t tell you how many times He has made it that simple.  Either you believe in Me, or you don’t.  There is no grey.  
And so today, locked in the embrace of my sweet sister-in-law, standing in front of her son’s casket, I had to answer…I do.
Nicol and I still bear wounds from our surgeries, and we have no babies to make the pain feel worth it….Lord, I do.
Nicol sang at Audrey’s funeral while holding Luke…that image has brought tears to my eyes, none of us knowing what was ahead…..I do.

I stared at his sweet face, and I kept wondering in my head, “What is she doing up there Luke? Tell me what she is like…who she is….what she loves…”  I do.
There are no words to express what my eyes have seen today, I feel that even attempting it would be a disservice. It was holiness I have rarely experienced, and I am grateful, so grateful to my Lord, Who loves us enough to make Himself known.
I know that for some of you, it may seem that “luck” is not on our side as a family, that we are victims of chance.  I want you to hear me say this loud and clear.
God Himself chose this to happen. Trust me, that is not the easiest sentence I have ever written, because I am human, and I am a grieving mother. I know that none of this is a surprise to Him. That doesn’t mean we don’t feel every bit of the loss, or that we just go about our lives because it’s all okay now.  It just means that we are steady in the belief that God knows what we don’t, and none of this changes Who He is.  None of it.
I am sure that people who do not trust in the Lord will be tempted to ask why such a great God would let us suffer so much. I am not going to pretend that I don’t ask that myself sometimes, but I will tell you this, and it has made all the difference.  
I ask Him.  
I don’t let myself “reason” through it, because I can’t.  I don’t let my anger fester too long, or I will, in my own weakness, crumble into nothingness.  I just cry out to Him and tell Him that I don’t understand, that I am angry, that I want answers.  I want to know why.  And He gives me momentary peace, and reminds me of the two words that drift around us we mourn.  
We do.
Luke’s memorial service is set for Monday at 3 pm.  Details will be posted when I have all of the information, but visitors are welcome.  
In the meantime, please keep praying.  And know that they are reaching us…not one of them is in vain.  Thank you,
Angie

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  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Lisa & Madeline

    I pray for your entire family. By reading your blog the last couple months I am a changed person inhow I view life and God. My daughter and I have added your family to our prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart and life with your blog readers. You are making a difference…so have Audrey and Luke!

  • Angie Plude

    Tears are just streaming down my face. I can not even imagine how you guys are able to put your feet on the ground each morning. I pray that through this you are able to find a bit of peace in your life. I hope God is loving on your two little angels right now. Please know that you are in our thoughts and prayers.
    Ang

  • Anonymous

    Still praying, Angie.

    Melissa

  • Nancy Hood

    What comfort and beauty to be uplifted to the King with prayers from the faithful. These two short lives brought more to their knees than most of us do in a century of living~

  • Liza’s Eyeview

    Your words are words not only of comfort, but of wisdom as well. They are soothing balms to the wounded hearts.

    Gos bless you,
    Liza

  • Liza’s Eyeview

    Oppss.. typo – but you know what I mean – God bless you.

    Liza
    http://johnsonsmauiohana.blogspot.com/

  • Jill

    Angie –still thinking about you and praying for you.

    Jill

  • Amelia Elaine

    So many people have called me to pass along prayer to your family. I love you all and we are praying for everyone. What a blessing that you have each oher to lean on. love you,
    Audra

  • Bri

    Angie,
    My mother in law was reading my blog in which I’ve referenced your blog several times. She said “I’m so sorry for your friend, Angie”. You’ve never met me! But, know, you are my friend and my heart has been breaking for your family. I know we’ve never met, but I am praying for you, friend & sister. I hope someday I will meet the Mommy to Baby Audrey and the woman who has turned such a tragedy into hope for many.

    Take Care and thank you for sharing your family’s story.

    Bri

  • Ashley

    Praying for all in FL.

  • kas

    I cried when I read this entry.
    Thank you for sharing your heart during such a difficult time. My prayers are with you and your family. Karen

  • Megan

    I have been praying for your family. I know that God hears our prayers and that He is our comfort, our peace and ultimately our joy.
    I too have been crying for your loss, your SIL’s loss, but I DO believe that we serve a just God.
    But our time here on Earth is short. Soon, you can be back with those children and spend eternity serving our Mighty Lord.

  • Jennifer, Augusta, GA

    Thank you for being so honest! The spiritual journey we are all on is so different, but one thing is the same. Our GOD is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. At times I do cry out why and at times I say thank you and praise him. By admitting this, you are showing me how to be stronger in my faith. Thank you! May the peace that passes all understanding guard your entire family!

  • have a lovely

    still praying today…

  • Tara

    still praying.

  • Melissa @ Breath of Life

    Praying…

  • Corey Re’

    Its hard, when we don’t grasp the answer as to why. We as humans like to know why, but often we don’t. We only know WHO holds us, WHO we rest in, WHO, has rescued us, AND WHO, loves us beyond ALL comprehension. My sweet sister in Christ, KNOW that my family has NOT stopped praying for yours. And we rejoice in the knowledge that SOMEDAY SOON, we will understand, as we stand before the throne of God, in the HOME that we long to see. Till we meet, we will be in prayer…

  • Julie Doody

    You have all been in my thoughts and prayers since I heard of this tragedy. I have thought of you constantly, only thankful that you have the Lord in your lives and that only with his help will you get through this. I have read the beautiful words of your sister in law and take comfort in the fact that your family will somehow grow stronger through all of this. Please know that all your friends and family in Maine share in your pain and grief. May God Bless You DEEPLY!!!

  • boltefamily

    Please know I am in prayer for your entire family. Loss like this is so tough but I cannot even begin to imagine how much more unbearable it would be without Him. I have asked some of those tough questions too and it all comes back to the fact that He is in control and is sovereign and knows so much better than we do.

    Sending love and prayers your way…

    Kristy

  • Sarah

    I come to check your blog everyday. I cry when I read it everyday. Some I read over and over. Your faith is so strong. You are so strong. I don’t know if I could be the same with all that has happened to you. I do trust God. I do love him. That is all we can do sometimes.

    Your an amazing person, and I am so happy I came to your blog by the hand of God.

    I will keep you and your family in my heart.

  • Tina

    I am praying for all of you!

  • Kim

    No words. Only tears and prayers.

  • Vera

    I am so, so sorry, sweet Angie, for everything you and your family have been through. You are truly an inspiration, and you will remain in my prayers.

  • Jess :)

    Ang,

    You are such a blessing! Thank you for that. My prayers are with everyone during this diffucult time. May the Lord bless each and every one of you and bring you peace.

    Love you

  • Mary

    Thank you for your updates while going thru so much with your family. I am praying for you.

  • Jenlyn

    No, “luck” does not seem to be on your side, but you are trustworthy. God trusts you and Nicol and Steven and many others to go through these horrific storms and bring Him glory. I cannot imagine the treasures you are storing up in heaven, but I believe to the bottom of my heart that you are and that is where it is really at….we are in a shadow..Luke and Audrey are where IT is all at, where the real subtance is and they are watching their precious parents and I bet they are proud. The lives you are impacting, the trust in God you are teaching. So thank you for hanging out in the shadow and letting us all learn some lessons. Joy will come in the morning…in the dawn….maybe not in the literal sense, but in the forever sense. I don’t know you, but I love you as a sister in Christ! Blessings upon you and thank you again for being poured out as an offering during your suffering. Love-Jen

  • Laurie

    I have been praying for you and Nicol and everyone in your families. I can’t imagine the pain of all of this but I do understand the guttural aching sounds that give way to hushed prayers in horrifying moments. Pleading with the Lord to help you all survive this grief. And for all of the younger children who witness such great sadness, that He hold them close.

    Much Love and Many Prayers to the Father for you all today and in the time ahead.

    Laurie in Ca.

  • valerie

    Just to let you know that I check the blog often and each time I read the next phase in your lives I have tears and I am praying.
    I’ve been to two babies funeral services and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
    One of my very good friends carried her baby full term and one day suddently didn’t feel him moving. So sad….so hard to understand. Someone who wanted children so badly and couldn’t wait to be the world’s greatest mom. (she now has a son and daughter 11 mo. apart….born the same year and will be seniors in high school) Praise God!
    God knows though and you’re right….we say “I do” “I do trust You in this midnight hour.”
    He will send His perfect peace. He will bind up your wounds and He will heal.
    I love you all and thank you for taking time to let all of us know how things are going.
    Love you all,
    Valerie

  • godzgaljen

    I cried. I always do when I read any of your posts. I am praying. We were at a funeral visitation last night for an elderly grandma and I thought of you all. A baby…two babies. I say ..Why GOD?? But, you say it so well. God is definatly bringing glory out of both of these situations. Praying for you all..for comfort.
    Jen G.

  • Georgia’s blog

    Even as a grieving mother myself your words always touch me deeply and give me such piece. Our precious “babies, Rachel, Audrey and Luke” are and will continue to make a difference in the lives of others! You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Hanging on to Him,
    Georgia

  • {Karla}

    if I had the right words, I’d say them. i don’t know that there even are “right” words. So I will let the Spirit intercede for me.

    Praying.

  • Stephanie Spence

    Still thinking and praying for your families and sweet babies Audrey and Luke.

  • Anonymous

    (Just wanted to share this poem with you. It’s awesome.)

    I was Loved

    I never saw a snowflake fall so gently from the sky
    nor the dancing of the raindrops waltzing softly about me
    I never grasped a sunbeam with my tiny little hands
    nor ran to catch my shadow laughing happily with glee
    ….but I was loved

    I never heard a robin sing sweet music from the trees
    nor smelled a fragrant flower with my little button nose
    I never heard the sea roar as it tumbled on life’s way
    nor the touch of soft sand neath’ my feet…my tiny toes
    ….but I was loved

    I never saw a shooting star blaze across the heavens wide
    nor romped through a meadow…chasing a golden butterfly
    I never saw a sunrise…of a new birth spring to life
    nor the glory of a sunset…of God’s beauty in the sky
    ….but I was loved

    I never held the hand of a boy…the boy of all my dreams
    nor ran through puddles wildly at the end of a summers day
    But for a million years from now…a million years and beyond
    I would gladly give all this away…and still be able to say…
    ….I was loved, yes, I was loved!

    ~Paul Eugene Baker

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    My prayers are with you and your family, and I have also asked those in my circle to pray too.

    One thing I’ve been wanting to tell you – you are so blessed with how you write, have you ever thought about pursuing inspirational writing? I know you suffer from panic attacks (like I do) so I’m sure speaking in front of others would be a challenge, but every time I read your blog, I am brought to tears yet also feel closer to the teachings of Christ. You are truly a gifted woman! God bless you and your family!

    Amy

  • Tabitha

    I do too!!
    Praying for you all.
    Love Tabitha XX

  • Nicole

    My knees are raw from being on the floor in prayer and my eyes are dried out from crying. All I can say is I’m praying.

  • Indian Lake Papa

    Prayers for both families are going up!

  • Jennie

    You don’t know me. I am Kathi Roach’s niece and I found your blog through her’s. I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your family. What an incredibly hard year you are having, but I am awed and inspired by your faith through it all. God so is good and God is so just…it’s so hard to see that sometimes. Hang in there. My prayers are with you.

  • SB

    sending love and prayers your way.

  • Nancy

    Angie, My prayers continue for all of you. Your faith is amazing but I agree, FAITH is what gets us through the death of a child. Giving it all to God, He is in control, even though that doesn’t always make the grieving easier. Blessings to you my friend in grief, and to your entire family.
    Nancy

  • Corie

    I am SO blessed by your writings. Your honesty, your questioning, your transparency, your humaness, your love, your prayers, your desire to glorify God and embrace all He is, and what He has let happen. Thank Angie so much for being so real

  • Suzi

    Your saying, “I do believe” during these days is powerful beyond measure. I am reminded of Job’s story.

    Job received one piece of bad news after another, then was surrounded by friends who wanted to manage his pain…find a reason for it so perhaps they might escape it themselves. But from the deepest part of Job came these words, “though he slays me, still I will trust in Him.” Job had to answer the same question from God that you have answered, either he believed or he didn’t believe.

    My prayer for your family is that you will, like Job, hear from God in powerful ways and be able to say, “I had heard of Him, but now I have seen Him with my own eyes.”

    You have chosen to stand firm and that will impact the whole world.

  • elaine @ peace for the journey

    May God’s peace be your measure this day. You are in my prayers.

    ~elaine

  • beckyjomama

    Your faith is so amazing. I can’t wait til the day I can wrap my arms around your sweet neck.

    Just want to share that I have been having a vision over and over of Your Audrey, little Luke and Maria Chapman playing together in Heaven while they wait for their mommys and daddys. He is watching over them for you all – and loving them.

    You are so very loved – even though I haven’t met you … YET.

  • Stephanie F

    Hello,

    Your story is life changing….i cant imagine, i really cant. and now with your nephew…
    I will be praying fierce prayer for your family.
    Reading from the beginning i reminisced to the moment i had a similar encounter with a Dr. giving heart wrenching news…
    It pales in comparison to your news.
    but i remember the mommy’s heart in me breaking when i got the news that my daughter (who was 6 months at the time) had suffered a stroke sometime around birth and that, that was why her right side of her body wasnt moving like her left. I begged God why…why did you let me think she was perfect all this time? a selfish thing to say but i wanted to be real with him much like you are. But i realized the real reason was because she still is perfect and he wanted me to see that. Like you i wanted to know where when and why this happened and unfortunately there are no answers from the doctors. I think God knows we would obsess over when we could have done to change the circumstances so he just leaves it annonymous…
    Much like you i suffered anxiety from a pretty young age, dropped out of school to do home study and was hospitalized from losing so much weight from stomach pain…
    God is moving and showing us the strength he has for us.
    When i was near my delivery God told me to have my daughter naturally…
    i didnt know till after why…
    she was almost 10 pounds and i did it, and only by the strength of GOD, i prayed the entire time and he got me through it…
    i was terrified my whole life of pain and he healed me of that fear.
    He is awesome that way, he will show you what you can do. and i know that your heart is so precious to him, i know that.
    God bless you and your family for sharing because it is hard to even want to talk to people in these times.
    if you ever feel like visiting my daughters site its
    http://www.caringbridge.com/visit/EmeryFava
    password: EmeryJordan
    feel free to sign our guest page.
    God bless

    Stephanie Fava

  • Carrie

    I haven’t posted a comment about this situation until now. My words seem so small, so inadequate, compared to your loss and your faith. But I wanted to let you know that I have breathed so many prayers for you and Nicol and your families that I have lost count. Each of you and your children are so close to my heart that I can’t even explain it. My heart is truly grieving with you, and I am reaching out to God on your behalf.

    With Continual Prayers,
    Carrie

  • Kristin

    Still praying… I am so thankful for your amazing words of wisdom and your testimony of how faithful our Lord is and WILL ALWAYS be no matter what we face. Thank you again for sharing your heart.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,

    I’m sending a big hug to you…I’m so in awe of your words. How are your girls doing? I’ve been praying for them this week as well. Much love, Ashley Ethridge

  • Megan

    When I think about little Luke in his momma’s arm’s at Audrey’s funeral just so few weeks ago and now he rests in a casket, a baby who otherwise was so healthy and had such promise, I can’t help but cry. I want this to make sense in this world, but it is beyond our human reasoning.

    You are right that it is only through God that we can stand in such unimaginable grief. I am so very thankful that God is making his presence known to you and your family. Continuing to pray for you.

  • kristina

    Praying for you all.
    May God continue to give you strength and peace during this difficult time. Thank you for your words, Angie. Thinking of you all. Big hugs.

  • Laura

    Praying for hope…

  • Mocha with Linda

    What a beautiful, beautiful testimony of faith. Thank you for sharing the tears and the trust.

    I ache for all that your entire family is going through. You and Nicol (and Todd & Greg, of course, but I am a mom!) have been on my heart almost continually.

    The world has been rocked these past weeks by the all-too-brief lives of Luke and Audrey, and of Maria Chapman. The world will continue to be rocked by watching God’s glory be revealed in the lives of their parents.

    Thank you for a glimpse into your heart and lives. You are much loved and prayed for.

  • Melanie

    Angie,

    I am praying. This seems so unfair, and yet I am amazed at all the “proof of God” in it all. You broke your pitcher and now, although put back together, it pours healing water through the cracks. And now your sweet sister-in-love needs that water, that ministry that you are able to pour because you were first broken. And I truly believe that as the pitcher pours out, it gets refilled so that it never goes dry. Please know that there are many here in Oklahoma and all over praying for your entire family.

  • seeryusfam@msn.com

    I’m praying for all of you! My heart is breaking. I just don’t understand…and it’s not for me to understand.

    I’ve still got that book and will get it in the post this week…

    Much love…

  • Anonymous

    “The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms….” May your family continue to feel His loving arms around you. God Bless!

    Mrs. I.

  • CrownLaidDown

    I am so sorry you are all hurting like this…and yet I have hope that somehow, some way, God will take your stories and spread abroad the love of Jesus for every one big and small…may Luke and Audrey have many standing in line to thank them one day…saying “Thank you for your story..it marked my life for Christ…I had grown so hardened. Then I heard about you. And Jesus came to mend my life.” May that be so, Angie and Nicol. May their lives and stories never cease to be told. May many come to faith because of Luke and Audrey.

    Our prayers are for you and with you. We love you each dearly…and we hold you fast in prayer.

    Come soon Jesus. Please.

    Love,
    holly smith

  • The Miller Family

    Clearly only God knows what the “bigger picture” is… and you are right – none of this is a surprise to Him. There is so much we don’t know or understand… but know this… God is using you for His glory. Of that I am certain.

    You are loved.

    We are praying.

    “we do…”

  • Coby and Sally

    Angie,
    I was reading in John ch. 11 yesterday where it said “Jesus wept” when Lazarus died and at the anquish of Mary and Martha. I wrote Audrey and Luke’s names in my Bible under that. Praying for your family.

    Sally Allen

  • natalie

    I can not begin to tell you how your words echo what is in my heart right now. I’ve been wrestling with our Savior for some time now…and today His vision was SO clear to me. Either I believe or I don’t. Either I live for Him or I don’t. I’m praying for you and for your family. God Bless You, sister. May we meet one day.

  • ginger

    i just jumped on board this blog, you guys have made Jesus Smile.your faith has been tested and i’d say the way you guys have handled and are handling what God has given you is a testimony to all. We sometimes don’t understand why things happen the way it does, but we know who holds the future and as long as you allow HIM to hold you and carry you through it, you will be strong, even when you are weak. my prayers and thoughts are with you. and even though it is extremely hard to to type what you have been through, thank you for sharing your story and your faith, i beleive that many will come to know the saving grace of our Lord and Savior, Jesus.And that one day they too will meet you precious daughter.

  • Peas on Earth

    Angie,
    I can’t help but think of all the many people who will because they have been influenced by your precious words as you go about your I do moments. Grace and peace~

  • Cibele

    my heart is broken for your family… your faith and turst in the Lord are breathtaking… I’ll be praying for you and your family

  • lizwiththree

    jesus is definitely smiling down on your family. you have made Him proud to call you a follower. we pray for your hope in the light that still shines on all of you.

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • D&D Harder <>

    Angie,

    Are hearts are crying with you. We are praying for Nicole and Greg. We met Nicole at our church in Littleton, Co. She has ministered to me through her music, we are praying for our loving God to comfort her and Greg now with His Promises and all the prayers going up to His Throne now.

    In Christ Alone,
    Diana Harder <><

  • Anonymous

    Angie…words just don’t come to me right now and my heart feels a heavy weight after reading your words. I can’t imagine even a little, what you and your family are going through but God does and He will bring healing and comfort to you all.
    Last night I was at the concert for Josh in Madison, WI that Selah was to have been a part of. Prayers went up for your family there! I know that many throngs of people all over, are praying for your family! What a privilege that is, to be a part of that throng of believers.
    I can’t imagine the vials and vials of tears God is saving up, in Heaven, which He says in His word are like a “sweet perfume”.
    Why still is the question many of us ask…even in our belief in Him! We might never know this side of Heaven! Blessings to ALL of you!!

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    You may never know the impact you have had on us as readers. I have been extremely blessed when I found your blog last week. I feel like I have known you my whole life.
    You have made my God so real to me. You have made me think of where I am and who I serve and how much do I trust Him.
    I have seen such great peace in the God you serve. I have been a christian since i was 11 and now I am 38. I just felt myself so busy with my daily life that I was putting God last in my Day. Just in the last week, watching you walk through Audrey’s birth and death, and now your nephew has made my faith much stronger in the God I serve. Thank you and may God continue to walk close to you and Nicol, Todd and Greg.
    (Joy comes in the morning). Thank you God for your strength and peace that surpasses all understanding.
    Love in Christ,
    Your sister in Christ, Missy- Picayune, MS.

  • georgia tarheel

    Angie-
    My heart breaks for you and your family. I had the privilege of feeding your crew last night and was honored to stand in the presence of peace that God has draped around you all.

    I will pray for you and Todd and your girls in your recent loss as well as for Greg and Nicol. Since I live in town, please let me know if there is anything that they need or that you all want while you are here.

    I am honored to be able to serve you in whatever capacity is needed. Your blog is beautiful (I have been reading all afternoon–starting with Audrey and going through the rest)– thank you for sharing your heart.

    Praying earnestly for you.

    Paige Buckner

  • Kathleen in TX

    When you kept saying “I do” it reminded me of saying I do to our bridegroom and that Jesus is our bridegroom.

  • Mattam

    I am still praying for you Angie and your family and extended family. God has given you a gift of writing so beautifully your thoughts and emotions. Your family has changed my heart, thank you!

  • Teri

    Praying for your family. Thank you for writing so raw and real. I have a different relationship with my God since I learned of sweet Audrey and her legacy.

    Teri – Corpus Christi, TX

  • Anonymous

    You know, I read your blog every day. I never can quite think of the words to say, but today I was at my choral rehearsal and one of the songs reached out to me. It is a song titled “I Got Shoes”. It speaks of how when we get to Heaven, we will play all over God’s Heaven. All I can think of is Audrey, Luke, Samuel, and so many other angels in Heaven playing.
    I pray for you and with you. God bless.
    Sara, Kentucky

  • Anonymous

    oh Angie, I am praying. I am hurting along with you and carrying a portion of your grief. I wish I could take it all away, but I know that there is a great God who is the only one that can heal your hearts. I will lift up prayers to Him on your behalf trusting that He will bring peace that surpasses all of our understanding.

    I have pointed several friends and family members to your site b/c it has taught me so much. I tell them that it will make them cry, but at the same time draw so tightly to the Lord who gives supernatural peace. I tell them that I would NEVER want to experience such tragedy, but that if I ever did, I’d want to walk through it trusting in our sovereign God the way you have and pointing others to Christ in the process. I tell them that I’m learning so much about what it really means to say ” I do” when the Lord asks me “do you or don’t you?” Thankyou Angie.

    For HIS glory,
    Amy
    amy@philippians121.com

  • redeemed one

    I have been praying… one of my prayers has been that this would lead your families closer to God instead of away from Him. It is just beautiful to see how that is the case. Your genuine love for Him and decision to choose faith in the midst of tragedy, confusion, and heartache is precious and beautiful and inspiring to others. You are a testimony of His greatness. I know that your openness and transparency is touching many lives.

  • Arley

    sweet sweet sweet little chunky baby thighs. that part really got me. that is my favorite thing about my baby boy. i am so sorry for your family angie. i hope God reveals himself to you all so quickly and wonderfully in this time.

  • Laura

    “Either you do or you don’t.” Thank you for sharing that, Angie, and for sharing your heart and your grief. I will keep praying for your family and the Sponberg’s.

  • Carrie

    Thank you for being so raw and transparent with us. God has used you in mighty ways. I’ve had quite a few of my own long conversations with God this week … especially in light of what your family has experienced … and you’re right. As much as we’d like they’re to be grey … there is no gray. I do. We’ll keep praying. I am just touched – as I’m sure you are – that there are thousands of believers, who have never met, whom God has united through this! He is a BIG GOD!!!

  • Found

    I stood in the shower after reading just the beginning of this post praying for you all, crying. As a mom feeling pain and saying, “Lord, you’ve taken me through my own tragedies and brokenness, and I thought it was so huge, so hard, but this Lord. I know we all have a number of days. I know you are with them, but I just can’t imagine how a mom can bear this pain. Please Father, keep the enemy from stealing, killing and destroying that which You’ve meant for good in all this.”

    I’m weeping with you even as I type this. When one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.

    I’m praying! I’m praying for the beauty of what Audrey and Luke’s short lives have done to impact and grow the kingdom of God to be revealed and the hearts you moms and dads to be healed!

    sheila

  • Anonymous

    Thinking about you and your family during this difficult time. My thoughts and prayers will continue.

    Holly
    Omaha NE
    TheMovielady@aol.com

  • Misty Baniewicz

    I have been following your blog since my little girl was born on April 14th. My friend would not allow me to read your blog during my pregnancy, only after. Once I did my heart has felt things I have never felt before and its touch a part of my life that will forever be changed.

    I pray all the time for you and your family. Now I will pray for your nephew and his family. I have wanted to write often but never seem to know what to say so I don’t. I think about you and Audrey every night at 2:30 am when I am alone feeding my little girl. I told her of Audrey one night while rocking her. I often fear that if something like this happened to me I would not be near as strong as you. You are so strong and I admire that.

    The reason why I decided to write today is because I was wondering if it was possible to post a picture of little Luke so we can put his beautiful face with his name?

    My heart aches deeply, I look at my 7 week old daughter and I know you lost yours 7 weeks ago and now have lost Luke. When I look at Morgan I feel so much love and joy, but a part of me feels sad because I know there are moms like you missing theirs children. I know I am blessed and I too continue to say to God ” I DO”.

    I do believe God has a purpose for everything and sometimes it just doesn’t all make sense. So because of that I live life better and more thankful every day.

    Please know that Audrey, Luke and YOU have all been forever glued to a piece of my heart.

    May God ease all of your hearts from the pain it must be feeling and no matter what…. no matter what…. LET YOUR LITTLE LIGHT SHINE, DON’T HIDE IT UNDER A BUSH!!!! Don’t let Satin get any satisfaction from any of this.

    Misty-

  • Kate

    I recently found your blog through another blogger friend. You are a profound writer and witness. Someday, I would like to tell you how much your blog has meant to me, but for now prayers for you and your family. Prayers and belief. These two things will see you through this crushing time of grief.

    Kate

  • Anonymous

    Sweet Jesus bless these families.

    You are so right about either believing or not. God is sovereign.

    Julie Schaal (Carroll, IA)

  • Jenny

    Angie,

    I have been reading your blog for a while now. I have wanted to comment so many times, but my words just feel so empty. I am so sorry for your loss, first of Audrey, and now of Luke. I have been praying for you and your family, and now I’m praying for Nicol and her husband and daughter. Your faith is beautiful and strong. Your writings have blessed me more than I would ever be able to tell you. You have made me stop and think about what’s really important. In light of eternity, what really matters. Thank you for sharing with us so openly and honestly. You are a blessing. Audrey and Luke’s lives are making such an impact. Please know that I will continue to lift your families up in prayer. When we meet someday, whether on earth or in heaven, I’m going to need to give you a hug! May God continue to comfort you and give you enough mercy and grace for each day.

  • Sandi

    I am overwhelmed, again, by the depth of the grief you all bear, and the power of Him, to Whom all prayers are poured out in golden bowls, to carry all of you, to hold you in His Loving, Righteous, Merciful Arms.

    Love and prayers, again, to your family. Until we meet face to face,
    Sandi Faulk, San Antonio TX

  • gypsygirl

    To God be the glory!

    I read your posts and see a beacon of faith. I am continuing to pray for you (Todd & the girls) and now your sister-in-law and family. I pray that God allow me to carry some of that grief for you. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with all of us…
    Lisa in Colorado

  • Elizabeth S

    I guess this has touched me so much because I have a little boy named Luke. We call him sweet Luke, or Lukie. So whenever I see that typed here, it touches my heart in a different way. A long time ago, Nicol sang at a musical at Otter Creek church in Brentwood when I was involved in that music ministry. Eventhough I don’t know her, I feel like I have a connection because of that, and I have been praying for her and the rest of the family. I will continue those prayers. I wish I had more to say to somehow ease this pain.

  • Anonymous

    My heart breaks for you and your family. I think about you all often and pray for you just as much. Your words are amazing and they challenge me every time I read them to trust and believe. We do serve the one and true almighty God and in that we can find peace.

    Many prayers~
    Brandi

  • Cheryl

    You are an amazing example for a lost and dying world to see how someone who trusts completely in Christ will respond when tragedy hits. You are in my prayers. Keep crying out to God, He isn’t intimidated by your questions!
    “In the days of trouble, I will call to you for you will answer me.” Psalm 86:7

  • Anonymous

    You are such an inspiration to so many people. I am praying and hurting for your family. Your blog has truly changed me and the way I look at our awesome God. He has a plan that we may not understand, but through it all “I do”.

  • Amanda

    I hadn’t checked your blog in a few days…and oh my, I cannot believe what has happened. I am so sorry for you and your whole family. I can’t imagine how hard it must be. For Luke’s parents, and for you and Todd, with wounds still so fresh. I’m so sad for you. I can’t even let my mind go to what it must feel like…my daughter is only 8 days older than Luke. I will pray for you all.

  • Marla Taviano

    Oh, Angie. You have such a gift. God has blessed you with an uncanny ability to help us feel what you (and others) are feeling, just by using words. Crying and praying for all of you!

  • Texas

    Angie, as I continue to read your blog, you are so inspirational, even in your time of mourn. Your faith in God is unbelieveable and so incouraging. Your whole family is in my prayers. Thank you for continuing to share your family with us. God bless you all and bring you peace and comfort.

  • Strawberry Blonde

    Many prayers have been said for Nicol and Greg. I’ve thought of them often during the last few days.

    I praise God that you are there to walk this path with Nicol. You will both be blessed as you hold one another up. My prayers will continue.

  • Darlene

    Praying.

  • Stuarts

    Oh Angie,
    I don’t know you but my heart aches for you, for Todd, for Nicol, and for all those surrounding you who love you and are also aching. There are no words to express how I feel so I will simply say that I, too, am crying out to God on your behalf. My His grace and mercies continue to hold you up during this time. And thank you for your brutal honesty. Your words are carrying forth the message of Christ and His mercies despite the deepest of heartaches.
    Sincerely,
    Kelli Stuart

  • Linda

    Yes Angie – at this stage of my life (I am a Grandmother now)I believe the life lesson the Lord has been teaching me is TRUST. In recent years our family has been devastated with health problems that will only continue to get worse and through it all I hear Him say, “Do you trust Me? Do you love Me? Do you beieve I am all that I have said I am and can do all I have promised to do.” And in the midst of the deepest pain I have ever known the only answer is “I do.” There is nowhere else to go; there is noone else to turn to. Without Him it is all despair; with Him there is hope and grace and mercy and love.” He has given us that choice.
    Prayers and love to all of you Angie.

  • connorcolesmom

    Angie
    We continue to lift you and your family up during this time
    We must remember that God does not choose for us to suffer but He does allow it
    His ways do not make sense to us but He sees the bigger picture the one that allows us to bring Him glory and honor and praise
    The one that allows us to cling only to Him
    He loves us so and may He continue to wrap each of you in His loving embrace
    God bless
    Kim

  • Anonymous

    I have been praying, and will continue. I thank Jesus for you and for being so honest so that other mothers, fathers, sister-in-laws, brothers and cousins who are reading and grieving can still Glorify God…and that is what you are doing…you are bringing Glory to God…T in GA.

  • Anonymous

    Words seem to fail…but I want to thank you for allowing God to speak through you, for being so open and honest and raw. I am praying now for you, Nicol and both your familys for the peace that passes our understanding, which I believe God provides. I do.

  • KimMc

    My words are inadequate, but our God is not! I stand in awe of just how amazing you are in Jesus! Your words are beautiful and your most precious spirit shines through with every sentence! I pray that God surrounds you with His unending peace and strength. I promise to continue to pray…for that is all that I can do!
    <><

  • karin

    keeping your family in my thoughts. i am so sorry for the loss. such a tragedy … you are changing the world, Angie, on so many positive levels. truly changing it. thank you.

  • Heather Ledeboer

    I just want you to know I am praying. Much love, Heather

  • Pam

    Angie,
    As an adoptive mother, I went through many months of infertility grief and sorrow added with the moutains that were moved to complete our adoption….you have over 6 1/2 years waiting for motherhood. As I was thinking of you and Nicol and Mary Beth Chapman last night, I made myself imagine everything you are going though. All the decisions that have to be made. The crippling grief. My heart exploded in fresh pain. I do not want to forget. I want that pain to be fresh in my heart to carry the three of you in prayer. So many women in the world find thier children to be a burden. Those of us who love the Lord, find our children to be such a blessing. My heart cries out to God in agony for you, “WHY God, WHY?” I don’t understand the ways of our God. I just know like you that through the dark days of our infertility, when I was so mad and angry at God. He was ok with that, as long as I still trusted Him at the end of that day.
    My prayers are with you. Love to you sister.
    Pam

  • velvet brick

    Dear Angie,
    I am sitting here alone in my chair trying to eat a light supper…but I am choking up at the words that you have so humbly and graciously shared with us. Tears form and I can not even begin to imagine all that you and your precious family are feeling, seeing, thinking, doing. I know a thousand have said before me, so it seems trite to say…but please know my heart truly wishes you and your whole family peace, grace, love and strength. May God bless Nicol and her husband and family, you and your family, extended loved ones and friends…and may God pull Luke and Audrey close to Him tonight..whisper blessings in their little ears and may the three of them bring peace and comfort to all of you.
    VB

  • Mellissa

    Dearest Angie, know that my prayers continue for you and Nicol and both of your families. My heart aches and I reach out to our Lord for you all. Covering you in prayer from Minnesota…Blessings.

  • Anonymous

    Angie,
    I have never lost a child in death, yet, as a mom, I have wept along with countless othersin empathy at your pain. As a believer, I have wept because I completely identify with the decision to believe when your mind tries to tell you that you shouldn’t. My 36 year old husband died of colon cancer in 2003, leaving me with 4 small children. I made the conscience decision to believe God, trust God and desperately seek His precious face. I knew that my God could have healed Wes with just a word or thought, yet He chose to allow death to take him. What do you do when you don’t like the decisions that God makes?
    Oh Sweet Angie, thank God He gives us the strength to say “I DO” It is in the “I DO” that He gives us peace and courage to face our future. Thank you for reminding me how wonderful my God is. I am 4 1/2 years away from Wes’ death, and I can look back and see God holding me up when I thought I would die. There will come a day when you will look back with bitter-sweet tears and realize how far you’ve come, how He has healed you. Press on Angie, keep on leaning into Him. We serve an incredible God.
    Laureen

  • Becky

    Angie,

    I was recently introduced to your blog, in fact it was yesterday. I read the whole thing through and cried my eyes out the whole time. I just want to let you know that you are a very strong woman who has changed little ole me. I’m a fellow believer, but to see your faith, reminds me that I need to work on my own. I wish I had known earlier of your ordeal so I could have prayed along with you and everyone else. I pray now though for you and your family, along with Nicol and her’s. You all have been through so much more than any family should have to endure. I pray that God give you peace, strength and love. Thank you for sharing your life and opening up the way you do. It touches so many lives. Audrey and Luke are sitting with the Almighty Father now smilling down upon us all!

    God Bless,
    Becky
    Columbia, SC

  • brockleesgirl

    I am so sorry for all the losses your family is going through. I know the pain of losing a child as I lost my son during birth last November. I also know the relief that comes when other believers feel the pain with you, grieve and mourn with you, and share that terrible weight. I too know what its like to question God – and then comes this peace that truly passes all understanding. And even though you can’t depict the hows or whys for anyone else you do your best to be still and “know” and just feel. I think of your family and Nicole’s often. You also have my prayers. I only wish I could do more. I am so sorry. ((big hugs))

  • KALDesign

    Many years ago, God called my baby girl home when she was just 9 days old. I know the pain you both feel, and the emptiness. I know that you question God as to why , as I sometimes do too. But I also know that this time in my life, when I lost my precious baby girl Sara, to heaven, that I experienced such a tremmendous growth in my walk with God. I didn’t get answers, but I learned to trust in my faith in Him. I pray that you can look back on this time and say, “I know God held me in His hand” Blessings on you and your families.

  • Christian Family

    Prayers are being lifted up…
    And…I have to add…YOU are AMAZING…and FULL of such a GIFT…of expressing in words what so many are feeling deep within the soul.
    I hope it is ok…as put a post about you…and quoted you on our blog(and giving link to your blog…I hope that is ok too)…directly from what you said about either you DO or you don’t! SO POWERFUL…and TRULY a WONDERFUL testimony…that SO MANY souls need to hear!!!
    You are GOD’s JEWEL…and an example to so many!!!

  • Jody

    I share in your pain, your questions and your heartache. I wish there were easy answers, but after years of my own suffering, I have not come up with any that are suitable either.
    I have often felt the same thing- the anger and why’s suddenly turn to, “Lord, I will trust you FULLY…I need you every minute of every day.” And in those moments, peace washes over me and the why’s somehow don’t matter so much.
    I have come to see how Christ’s calling to ‘pick up your cross daily and follow Me’ literally means I have to surrender and just follow even though the burden seems to big to carry some days.
    Christ suffers along with us. But thankfully I have also felt Him weep with me, rejoice with me and fill me with assurance of Heaven. Nothing compares to such glimpses- knowing our children are healed and praising God around His throne.
    I know He has been real to all of you, and that continues to be my prayer.
    That when the doubts and hurts seem too big, you will hear Him simply say, “Trust Me”.
    I send all the love and prayers I can at this time- though far away, you’re all very close in thought and my heart grieves with each of you.
    Blessings and gratitude to you Angie, for sharing your heart. For sharing what God has been doing. May His mercies flow into you and through you in abundance and as you need them.
    Love and prayers from Michigan. xoxo

  • Nicole

    Hi Angie. I have been following your blog for a litle bit and have prayed for you and your family. Tonight, I was so overwhelmed with sadness at my church service during worship for you and Todd & Nicol and Greg. My heart and stomach literally ached with pain as I thought of your loss. I began to pray for you. Then our worship leader began to encourage us to lay our burdens before the Lord. As I prayed for your burdens to be lifted, she then reminded us that He would replace a spirit of heaviness with a garment of praise. I am praying that for all of you. That He would supernaturally give you His grace and His garment of praise.
    “The spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me; … to give unto them … the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.”
    —Isaiah 61:1-3
    Blessings.

  • kris

    I do too… I do. And in the case of small angels, I hold not one doubt about God’s plan in this- I am watching it unfold in your writing as you touch all of us, transforming our own stony hearts- letting us look inside- not just into your own suffering, but OUR own- which will, ultimately, always point back to the one who suffered all of it for us, and then, with our hearts clutched to His chest, ascended into Heaven.

    But I also believe (not in this case) that sometimes accidents happen, mistakes are made, and man’s free will brings pain to others (I am only speaking from personal experience). What I DO know, however, in those cases- is that only God has the power to bring good from it- to bring real growth- and from those awful mistakes, if we allow it, we are drawn ever deeper into the mystery of Christ.

    I remember you and your family in prayer, at all times.

  • Our Family

    Angie, You and your family are in my prayers! You are an inspiration to me! I check your blog daily to see how you are doing, to see how I might be praying for you, and when I saw the blog about Luke I was a mess. I am a new mom of a beautiful baby girl and I can’t even begin to imagine the thought of losing her. I am growing as a daughter of God because of your words of wisdome. You are making me think and seek Him. I am very thankful for your example. As I am typing my mind just wandered and I imagined Aundrey, Luke and Maria Chapman all dancing in Heaven tonight. Rejoicing because their lives are making a differnce. Thank-you Angie! I will continue to pray!

  • applesofgold

    I am not going to pretend that I know why this happened. I have asked myself that same question…Why, Lord, Why? Over and over again. But I can’t help but think…when God chose this to happen, like you said, (I can hardly bare to say that myself, as you wrote today) He was thinking that He knows your heart, and He knows your faith. And the rest of us are watching you walk through this fire. I know just by reading your blog daily that I WANT that same faith, I desperately want to cling to God with that same kind of reckless abandon that you have shown us these last few months. This is something that I firmly believe that the Lord needed us to see.

    I am praying for all of you, every day. And I am holding my own baby daughter very close today and thanking God for every second that He has allowed for me to have with her.

    Jenny

  • Danielle

    I am so sorry for your losses. I pray that your family will be healed and made stronger by this. Sympathy to “Lukie’s mommy and daddy.

  • Susan Dowell

    This comes from our family to yours: I have to tell you, my brother sent your blog to me. I sat, read it, and cried… still crying. I have to say that there is no other love like the love a mother and child feel towards one another. I can also say that I can only imagine what kind of grief you and your family are feeling. I believe that there are no words to express how you are feeling. I am really sorry about your families pain. But this much I do know; God DOES love you and your family. Though I believe that your pain out ways your families pain, I know that your family suffers as well. I believe that God has exceptional plans for your son and for you. Put your heart and hands in Gods, and He WILL take your pain and rest your tired head. He will heal your pain if you trust in Him and His love. I know that this will sound strange, because we have never met; but you need to know that many love you and your family and only want to hold you and take your pain away. Please know that GOD IS WITH YOU IN EVERYTHING YOU DO. PLEASE BELIEVE HE DOES LOVE YOU AND WE DO TOO.

    Sincerely,
    the Dowell Family

  • Nichole

    Interceding on your behalf today, and praising our God that in the midst of it all you can say “I do”.
    Thank you for sharing your heart.

  • jennypen

    Praying and aching for your entire family. With love~

  • Anonymous

    The faith of you and your family is amazing. You give me such strength in the presence of the Lord, even at a time when you are hurting so much.

    In God’s Grace-
    Jill in MN

  • Anonymous

    Angie
    I have been listening to “Carry You” a lot recently. The verse that reminds us how much more God loves each of our children is so compelling. I have never lost a child to death on this earth but I have a child who is “lost” right now (he is 22 and not following in the ways of God). The song reminds us that only God has all that under control. He will see to the welfare of all of our children. I MUST rest in the thought that HE is the one “who can love him like this”.

    Thank you for the continued way you share with all of us.

    Please know that I fervently pray for You and Todd and now Nicol and Greg many times a day and I will continue to do so.

    I DO CHOSE GOD!

    Sue

  • Anonymous

    I love reading your blog, even though I cry with every entry. What a journey the Lord is taking you on. Going through losing a baby with our family and reading about your family’s losses just make me wonder how anyone who doesn’t know the Lord can get through something like this. I am so thankful that the Lord is sovereign over all things, it sure helps doesn’t it? I just want to share something that Ali came to recognize in her journey, “My mom recently just told me that she thinks it is amazing that God trusted us with Emmalee and trusted us that we could handle this situation. Whoa…that was powerful to me because I think trust is a huge thing. A lot of us have trust issues…I know at times I do. And to think that God trusted me with a huge situation like this…knowing that I could take care of Emmalee while she was inside, knowing that Jon and I could take care of her in the hospital, knowing that Jon and I could listen and make the decision to let her go home, and knowing that we would be able to handle losing her and giving God the glory in it all (we are still sad and miss her but we know her life served a greater purpose). Trust…wow…I just pray that when I get to heaven I hear those all important words…”Well done, good and faithful servant.” God has trusted you, Todd, Nicol, and Greg to bring Him glory through all of this. What an honor (I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it is in God’s eyes) to glorify God that way. Keeping you in my prayers.

    Candie

  • Cindi

    Thank you Angie, for sharing your story. I will be forever changed by it. Your genuineness and openness about your struggles has encouraged me in ways I can never express. I pray that God will bless you, hold you, comfort you, and wrap you in his love. Thank you for getting real and showing us what trusting Jesus is all about! I have linked to you on my blog and am praying for you. **hugs** Cindi

  • Jen

    Dearly held Angie, I have never known that my heart could ache so desperately for someone I do not know.

    While I was praying for you and your family, I searched the psalms for one that reflected the grief I was carrying for you all. Psalm 88 engulfed me. That’s what I cried out to the Father God on your behalf. I dwelt on it so long… until I looked at the very next one, wondering if it would answer. It did, oh how it did… I read the first verse and I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.

    “I will sing of the LORD’s great love forever; with my mouth I will make your faithfulness known through all generations. (2)I will declare that your love stands firm forever”

    Angie, I cannot wait to meet you. Miss you every day til then *smile*

  • Precious Blessings

    I am just at a loss of words right now. I wish I had the right words to share the way you do for us, but I do not. Just please know I am and will continue to lift you and your family up in prayer.

    Jesus loves you all.

  • Carol

    You have ministered to me during your storm of grief.

    I lost my dearest friend to breast cancer just one year ago. I have struggled with anger toward God, and ashamedly, many times, have crumbled under it. Thank you for your strength and faith. Thank you for sharing how it is possible to say “I DO” even when we are screaming, “WHY?” You are in my prayers.

    Thank you Audrey, Thank you Elliot, and Thank you Luke, for helping me lift my face once again toward Jesus. And if you come across a beautiful lady with a contagious laugh, say “Hi” to Stacey for me! ;)

  • Tina Vega

    Praying for all of you…

  • kristy mae

    I am so, so sorry for this loss. Bless his little heart…he’s with Audrey and they are happy but on Earth we mourn them still. I will continue to pray for your family. For peace, for grace, for comfort.
    kristy in AR

  • Darlene R.

    Dear Angie,

    I’m keeping your family in my prayers daily. Thank you once again for your tremendous example of faith through the valley.

    You are a blessing to so many.

    Much Love,
    Darlene – Indiana

  • Anonymous

    In church this morning, a friend of mine sang a song (I think she wrote it) with the line ‘Lord empty me of me, Lord fill me with you’. As I was reading this today I am reminded of that, we can’t be filled by God unless we are empty of ourselves, and I’m seeing that in you. When you call out to God that you have nothing, that is when He is most able to work through you. I can see that, and am praying that you will continue to be emptied so He can fill. Michelle

  • Alex

    The strength you have yourself and in your faith astounds me, and I can only pray that as I continue to grow older and in a few years have children myself, that I can have half the strength you have… I’ll continue to pray for you and all of your family… thank you so much for continuing to share your journey. God bless.

  • Julie

    I am growing in my faith from reading this, I do believe and believe this way. I know God knows and he is sovereign. I trust him and him and pray ferverently for all of you.

  • Anonymous

    Thank you so much for posting :)

    I found your site and story a month ago from another blog and have been so touched by your story.

    I am thinking and praying for your family.

    Love,
    Katrina
    New Zealand

  • Kristin

    Angie, I just came across your blog a few days ago and have been captivated by your story. I have shed tears for you and your family and have been lifting up prayers for you all. I love how real you are in dealing with everything, and yet even as hard as it has been, you still constantly point to God, His love, His Sovereignty, and His greater plan. I know many good things edifying our Father will come from your story. I too hope that you will make this into a book one day.
    ***HUGS*** to you and your family!

  • linda

    The tears I have shed for your family the last few weeks have changed my life. My prayers for your family are neverending. Sharing your story of Audrey and now Luke and the faith you have in Jesus have given me so much insight and desire to change. I can’t tell you how many blessings I have received just by giving more time, more of me, to Him. I have been challenged by Him through you and I can’t thank you enough for sharing your life so others may grow in Christ. Sharing your story with others as it lifts me up has also been a blessing. My prayers continue for your family.

  • Anonymous

    I was referred to your blog through Hannah’s Prayer. I have miscarried five children: two girls, two boys, and one child whose sex we do not know. I was pregnant last December when Nicol sang at Church of the Apostles. I did not know it yet. I also did not know she was pregnant-I was seated far enough away that I did not know. I found out I was pregnant with my youngest child about a week and a half after Nicol’s concert. I only knew about my youngest child for a week-that baby was a whisper, a vapor to me. I started reading your blog back in April, and thought how during that concert, each of us had life growing within us, and did not know the future. I was content because I did not know I was pregnant yet (every time I have been pregnant, it has been a storm-only two of my daughters made it through to life outside me). When you spoke of holiness in this post, it reminded me of seeing my first child, who died at 14.5 weeks’ gestation. I remember thinking that he never had opportunity to sin. I purposed to be a good person, not because Stephen my son was perfect, but because he represented innocence and all things good to me. I pray the truth of what David said when his son died-”He will not return to me, but I will go to him.” I thought of how hard it must have been when Audrey died, yet you still had a nephew whose very age would remind you of her-indeed, two my miscarriages have correlated with my sister-in-law’s daughter’s birth-I remember a son who should be her age, and a daughter who died right before my niece was born. I am so sorry and sad that Audrey and Luke are now in Heaven with my child. Heaven is soooooo very real to me throughout all of this. I pray the Father will comfort your family at this difficult time.

  • su

    Angie,
    I have never experienced the kind of pain that you and your extended family are in. I am so proud of how you’re hanging on to God. For your honesty with God. You are such a breath of fresh air. Your testimony is incredible.

    I must tell you of a book that I just read last month. It is based on what Jesus said to John the Baptist’s disciples – Blessed are you if you are not offended with me. – when Jesus did not meet John’s expectations. The book is called The Prisoner in the Third Cell by Gene Edwards. I know that when pain hits me I will be scrambling to find my copy of this book.

    I’ve been weeping with you. And praying for you. Hang in there, sweet sister.

  • Anonymous

    My 12 week old son was christened today, and even though I am not a huge follower I am thinking of you all on his special day – especially baby Luke who was the same age.

    Would there be any way of sharing a photograph of Luke with us? It makes it so much easier for me to visualise when you can see someone’s face, like we can with Audrey

    xxx

  • Jen

    Angie,
    At this moment, I am thanking the Lord for you and this blog!!!! Most certainly it was a God thing that I have stumbled upon your site, while staying home from church this morning with a sick little boy! While I was sad that I couldn’t be in church sitting with my husband, I have had the most awesome worship time at home reading your blog and singing the songs you have posted as well! MY heart GRIEVES with you and your sister-in-law for the babies you are missing! Although I have never experienced the exact pain that you have, I have experienced the pain of 3 miscarriages, the pain of losing 3 babies. THANK YOU SO MUCH for sharing your story, the HONESTY of your human feelings, and the GREATNESS Of our God! I will be praying for you and your entire family tomorrow and in the coming days, weeks and months as the healing never stops until we reach heaven! (I was heartbroken as well regarding the tragedy in the Steven Curtis Chapman family and am lifting them up in prayer as well!) Thank you again for your blog!

  • Courtney

    I don’t begin to understand sovereignty. So much of what He does and allows doesn’t make sense to our finite minds and hearts, but I praise Him for being there in the valley.

    Valley of Vision
    When You lead me to the valley of vision
    I can see You in the heights
    And though my humbling wouldn’t be my decision
    It’s here Your glory shines so bright
    So let me learn that the cross precedes the crown
    To be low is to be high
    That the valley’s where You make me more like Christ

    Let me find Your grace in the valley
    Let me find Your life in my death
    Let me find Your joy in my sorrow
    Your wealth in my need
    That You’re near with every breath
    In the valley

    In the daytime there are stars in the heavens
    But they only shine at night
    And the deeper that I go into darkness
    The more I see their radiant light
    So let me learn that my losses are my gain
    To be broken is to heal
    That the valley’s where Your power is revealed

    © 2006 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI).

  • Jen and My Little Family

    Your surrender in the midst of these incredible trials speak to my heart. Even as a Christian, your faith and that of your family brings me to tears. Prayers

  • Mrs Mitchell

    Hi Angie,
    I heard a song for the first time in a long time today, and immediately Audrey and Luke came to mind. I hope these lyrics can help ease your pain, if even just a little bit …

    Memories surround me
    But sadness has found me
    I’d do anything for more time
    Never before has someone meant more
    And I can’t get you out of my mind

    There is so much that I don’t understand
    But I know…

    You’re dancing with the angels
    Walking in new life
    You’re dancing with the angels
    Heaven fills your eyes
    Now that you’re dancing with the angels

    You had love for your family
    Love for all people
    Love for the Father, and Son
    Your heart will be heard
    In your unspoken words
    Through generations to come

    There is so much that I don’t understand
    But I know

    We’re only here for such a short time
    So I’m gonna’ stand up, shout out,
    And sing Hallelujah
    One day I’ll see you again

  • Stephanie

    I want you to know that my heart just aches for your family. My brother lost his only son to SIDS 6 1/2 years ago. I can still remember the moment that I heard that he passed away, but I can rejoice every day in knowing that one day I will meet him and what a glorious day that will be! I pray that you will hold eachother tight, and continue to cry out to the Lord for strength during this extremely difficult time. The pain of loosing my precious little nephew Beau has never subsided, but I am so thankful to have a mighty God who I can talk and cry to whenever I am missing him! I will continue to pray for your family.

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • John & Michelle

    Your faith astounds me and inspires me and uplifts me and brings me to my knees every day. Even in the midst of such overwhelming grief and sadness your faith is strong!!! I am thankful to have found your blog and for your strength. Praying for peace and for the flowing love of God to cover ever member of your family.
    Michelle
    Illinois

  • capitoldiver

    Isn’t it a comfort to know that during these times of absolute devastation, for us Christians, we know it is only goodbye for now.

    I truly believe God takes our loved ones to Heaven first, so that Heaven will be truly sweeter, and we will all be looking forward to that blessed day when we are all united again.

    I think it’s OK for us to try to figure it all out, and try to make SOME sense out of things like this, but eventually we realize none of it makes sense at all. I think it’s OK to grieve and to just outright BAWL. Cry our eyes out. We’re human. Our feelings are real. This stuff hurts, and it hurts deep. It doesn’t get any worse than this.

    “Either you do or you don’t.” I DO.

    And because I do, I know God will be glorified somehow, some way.

    I pray that somebody, somewhere will learn, through these times of dispair, that there IS hope!

    Weeping lasts for the night (a LONG night, I might add) but JOY comes in the morning!

    God is using all of you. He only gives us what we can bear. Sometimes I want to say, “God, don’t trust me with any more, because I can’t do this anymore.” But in our weakness, He is strong.

    I’m just waiting for the JOY to come in the morning! And the thought of our precious loved ones waiting for us in Heaven gives me hope for tomorrow. It’s just goodbye for now…….

  • Jenna

    Angie, I just wanted you to know that I am thinking of y’all today and praying for you all continuously. Your words are so beautiful and so true, and we are all blessed to be able to read them and feel them–and of course to have had the chance to know both Audrey and Luke through your writings. It has been a true gift.

    You are never far from my heart and mind. Love, Jenna

  • The Reid Family

    Angie, I have been reading your blog for quite a while now. We do not know each other on this Earth, however our children in Heaven do. I am a mom of four. Our third baby is with God. We live in Franklin and I am sure our paths have crossed somehow. Please know that you give me strength when I read your blog. Your relationship with our Father, your family, your friends and yourself is a very strong and healthy one. I admire your spirit and strength. Thank you for being so open and honest. Know that we have been lifting your family in our prayers.
    I am not an eloquent writer as yourself, however you are always welcome to check our blog so the relationship isn’t so onesided. cbreid.blogspot.com
    *We thank you Lord for Audrey, Luke and all the children who have touched our hearts and opened our minds to You. ~Brooks

  • Sandi Faulk

    Thank you, Angie, for asking us to pray that we be allowed to help to carry a portion of your family’s grief. I have never been asked to pray in that way before, and it was so clarifying a thing to do, and seems to make my checking for your updates and my tears be, somehow, productive rather than self-seeking or pointless.

    I want to tell you just one way that the Lord answered that prayer today. In church this morning, we sang, “Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners” congregationally. The women were directed to sing a verse alone – “Jesus, what a Friend in Sorrows, while the billows o’er me roll…” Tears streamed down my face as I grieved for Luke and Audrey, and all that you are experiencing. I found out at lunch that my sister’s experience was the same, as she was allowed to carry just a tiny portion of sorrow.

    Thank you, again. What a privilege to be allowed into these holy moments with your family. What a Friend in sorrow.

    Much love,
    Sandi, San Antonio, TX

  • Lisa

    Angie, Sweet Angie….I grieve with you and your family. I feel so close to you yet we have never met. We are praying for you. Nicol~ your family is in my prayers as well. Please be blessed by the fact that they are rejoicing with our Lord~
    Bathing you in prayer daily….thank you for updating us
    Love and Blessings,
    In HIS Never-Ending Love~
    Lisa Bos

  • The Asquad

    your words cause me to cry out, i pray these tears are helping you as i believe that God allows others to grieve through us. after we lost adam back in 1.11.01 we lost a friend’s baby girl 11.10.02. i remember it being healing to my heart to be able to reach out to her and her family. you are an awesome example of a disciple for Christ!! Praying for your peace, comfort and strength!!

    ((HUGS))
    Penny

  • karen44

    Angie,
    Over the years God has reminded me of James 2 whenever I ask “why”?

    “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”

    and

    “Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.”

    We all hate trials. We all hate testing. We all hate the refiners fire. But as followers of Jesus we also realize that these times are what help us become more like Him.

    I don’t envy what you, Todd, Nicol and Greg are enduring. I don’t envy the grief that these losses have brought to the Smith’s and the Sponbergs. At times I find myself laughing and happy, but I can quickly burst into tears for no apparent reason, just being reminded of Audrey and Luke (and Elliot and Maria …)

    My heart breaks for all of you.
    My prayers are with you.

    Love,
    -karen l.

  • Anonymous

    The tears are abundant that are being shed for Greg and Nicol. I stood in the gray way to many times and I will never stand in it again. Thank you Angie for your absolute belief. Thank you for not standing in the gray, no matter how hard at times in must of been. I will continue to serve and believe and let him know everyday no matter what I DO! Audrey and Luke’s passing will not be without reason. I thank you for your strength and honesty. Even though I will read and sometimes wonder how you stand so strong I will praise him and let him know that I DO. Audrey has made the world of diffrence in my life and you have called countless amount of people out of the gray.

  • SingerMamaMelody

    My heart is so heavy for all of you…and I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers continue to be with you as you miss not only Audrey, but also now Luke. I cannot begin to imagine what it must be like to experience this. May God be near to you.

  • BoufMom9

    I have been told about you through a bunch of different friends online and I wanted to just express my sympathies and tell you that I will pray for your continued strength.
    Your faith is an inspiration.
    Debi

  • Nise’

    Praying for your family. My heart feels your pain and breaks over this. As a mom who experienced a full term still birth 22 years ago (9 weeks after my twin nephews were stillborn), I still ask why (I still don’t know why) but have faith and trust that one day I will know as I am known. I do know that He is who He says He is!!

  • Andrea

    Continuing to pray for your family – how encouraging to read how God is working through you in this excruciating time and the simplicity of the statement “you do or you don’t”. Praying that for every tear shed, your family would feeling a magnification in God’s presence.

  • Anonymous

    God doesn’t choose bad things to happen to His people, but He will make all things work for His Glory. Your family is in my prayers.

  • Anonymous

    Angie ~ I just found your blog and have sat for several hours reading and crying. My heart is just broken for your family right now. Please know that I, even though you don’t know me, am saying loads of prayers for your family. I just don’t understand why you have to suffer so much loss…only He knows. May He keep you close and guide you through these difficult times. Praying for you…

    Julie

    http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/hayden

  • pearlsandchocolate.com

    My prayers and thoughts are with you!

  • K.R.Brownlee

    Praying that Gods peace will continue to encompass you and your family today and in the days to come. Your strength has encouraged me, and I pray that Gods joy will continue to strengthen you.

  • Jennifer

    What a blessing your blog has been since I found it a few days ago. Our situations are very different, but the things God is teaching us through suffering are so very similar…it’s amazing how the Fellowship of His Sufferings can cause you to feel close at heart to someone you don’t even know. God has brought me to that same point of “Either you do or you don’t”…what a struggle, but what a blessing, to come to the point that you say “I do”, even when it doesn’t make sense, even when you don’t understand…and how amazing when he shows you His love and goodness and sovereignty in whole new ways through it.

    Praying for you all!

  • txmomx6

    You and your family are in my prayers. I cannot fathom the grief that you have, though I can fathom grief. I am grieving the sudden death of my husband in December, with our 6 children. We, too, are walking through the valley of the shadow of death. My heart grieves for you and your family as you ache for your children.
    I know that God is good and that He is with us, even when we can’t feel Him.
    Janine

  • christina-defining moments

    I wanted you to know I was at home Monday unpacking and right before
    3, God brought you to my mind and I prayed for you and Luke’s family. God knows what he is doing.

  • SharonB

    I can’t not even imagine the heartbreak, the pain…and yet your testimony brings glory and honor to our Lords name…Angie may God continue to heal and restore all of you…

    Love and prayers….

  • A 5 time mom

    Thank you for your testimony of trust, faith, and honesty. I only know this in a little taste myself, having lost a baby 2 1/2 months in the womb. Thank you for the reminder of humanness, but immense grace and trust. I pray the Lord brings all of you the comfort you need in the loss of your sweet nephew as well as your own daughter.

    Beckie

  • Deirdre Jones

    My sister lost her sweet little boy, Tristan, to SIDS last September. Reading your blog has really helped in my healing process and I was deeply saddened to see that your family has experienced another loss. Thank you so much for sharing his story. You are not alone in your grief.

  • Anonymous

    How my heart aches for your family! I can’t help letting the tears fall for you all! Was baby Luck vaccinated? It is proven that 66% of babies vaccinated die from SIDS shortly afterwards. I am praying for your family and will continue to pray for peace and a great sense of comfort! May prays flood over for your family!

    ~ A Sister in Christ

  • Emilie

    Your faith is remarkable. God bless you.

  • Donna-Jean

    “I do.”

    The words of the Bride to the Bridegroom….

    This is not the legacy you (or your sister-in-law) would ever have chosen, but it is powerful and impacting. The wounds you both still bear will change your ‘walk’ (as Jacob’s wrestling with the Angel of the Lord changed his), and you will never be the same.

    Thank you for faithfully writing from the valley.

  • angela

    I have never met you, but I read your blog for the first time about a week ago and my heart goes out to your entire family. Last week, after reading your blog, I was reading my Bible trying to make since of it all. The Lord placed on my heart the scripture “Jesus wept.” I truly believe that this is the same thing He does today. Whenever a baby dies, He weeps. Whenever we are hurting, He weeps. He knows your pain and He weeps too. I praise God for your “I do’s”.

    Keep your eyes on heaven.
    Angela

  • Randie Sanders

    I know you know this already…but I read this verse today and thought of you…

    2 Corinthians 12:9
    And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

  • Randie Sanders

    And as always…praying for you…

  • Stilla Momma

    Your posts change the world. :) What faith, what encouragement. What honesty. Praise the Lord for that. I am prayer for you all. Thank you for sharing your life with us…it means more than anyone will ever know.

  • Maria

    No irony that I found your site while in another country adopting a child and that we have been put in a position to have to turn down a referral of a beautiful little girl that we’ve visited for ten days. The medical information we were presented with today regarding this little girl is both life threatening, contagious and devastating to us. I sit here in tears as I type for I feel a part of my heart has been ripped out. I read this post and it’s exactly how I feel. This was NOT news to God and while I am broken, He is still God. While I cry, He stills is in charge. When my soul cries, it is to Him. I am in prayer for your family. Sharing your faith continues to support me during this all-consuming loss we are experiencing. God Bless you and your family during this dark time. We will all have a better life on the other side!

  • Eric and Michelle

    Bless you precious daughter of his. You bring inspiration and encouragement to so many.