Papyrus

***Link added!***  If you would like to hear the entire service I refer to in this post, click here and meet my wonderful pastor, Scott Patty.  It’s the one called “Providence” and it’s free!!!!Just click on the mp3 button to download… Your comments and emails have been a source of great strength to me this week, and PRAISE GOD I am doing really well without my meds, and having absolutely no side effects…it is miraculous!!!! Thank you for your encouragement and continued prayers…I’ll be back here soon…I feel a post brewing…:) Have a great day!
I woke up yesterday morning with fear darting through my body like electric current.  I couldn’t move, and my heart was beating so hard I could hardly find my breath.  Gasping, trembling, consuming fear.  I closed my eyes and prayed for the Lord to be near to me, nearer than the terror.  I was paralyzed as I cried out to Him, and as much as I wanted to, I could not put my feet on the floor. After a few minutes, I felt like He told me to stand up and start the day.  I was crying, shaking my head, begging my legs to get me to the shower, where I would try to figure out how to get my clothes and makeup on for church.
For several years, I have taken anti-anxiety medication to help me with moments like these. Last weekend, through a series of events, I felt that the Lord was telling me that it was time to stop taking it (I am not a doctor, and I am by no means trying to give advice on starting/stopping medication, I am just telling my story). I was nervous about the timing, but I was certain He had spoken, and therefore confident that He would be my strength.  This morning felt like more than I could handle, and I began to chase my thoughts through the dark corridors.  
As we sat down for church, I noticed that the name of the sermon was “Providence.”  I felt my body start to settle into the pew as our Pastor opened in prayer.  I love to be in the house of the Lord, where His peace settles upon me in the most profound ways.  I cried my way through worship, each song tugging me closer to the feet of my sweet Lord.  The message was about the birth of Moses.  It is found in Exodus, chapters 1 & 2.  If you have a Bible, you should read the story, and if you don’t have a Bible (and you want one), than you should email me:)
Moses was born to a Hebrew woman during the rule of cruel king who demanded that all Hebrew boys be put to death when they were born.  The midwives who delivered Moses “feared God and did not do what the king of Egypt told them to do…Exodus 1:17″  And so Moses’ mother Jochebed (one of the top contenders for “favorite baby names” this year, I’m pretty sure) kept him with her for about 3 months and then when she could hide him no longer, she put him in a papyrus basket and placed it among the reeds in the Nile river.  
Moses’ sister watched as her brother drifted out farther and farther.  At the same time, Pharoah’s daughter was bathing with her handmaidens in the Nile, and she heard a small cry. She saw the baby in the basket and despite her father’s wishes, she did nothing to harm him. Instead, she sent her handmaiden to fetch the baby, and at that moment, Moses’ sister stepped out from where she had been watching and asked Pharoah’s daughter if she should go find a Hebrew woman to nurse the baby.  Pharoah’s daughter tells her that she will pay the girl if she does, and the girl goes to get her mother (if you are following this little synopsis, you will realize that this is also the mother of baby Moses).  After she has weaned the boy, he is brought back to Pharoah’s daughter,who raises him as her son.  She names him Moses, which means “drawn out of the water.”  That is how this baby boy, the Hebrew who should have been killed at birth, becomes royalty.  My sister in law Nicol told me she once heard someone say, “she put him in the river a slave, and he was brought out of the water a prince.”  His mother believed in listening to the voice of God, and I am sure that as she set the basket in the water, tears streamed down her face as she wondered if she would ever see him again.  Out of her hands, into the water.  This is the face of obedience, and a most powerful image of trust.    
Moses, as many of you know, would one day lead his people out of slavery and through the parted waters.  He would be a beacon of light for God’s people, and a man who lived his life walking alongside the Lord.  He sought the Lord as a friend, and God spoke to him through many trials throughout the years.  The book of Exodus records many of his “wilderness wanderings” with the Israelites, and one of my favorite scriptures comes from Exodus 14:14, where the Israelites are complaining about their journey. Moses says to them, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still…”
Many, many times during my pregnancy with Audrey, I would recall this verse, and rest in knowing that my God, my strong-tower, my Jesus is in battle for me. I need only to be still. I could talk about Moses all day long, but you will get more from reading it for yourself. Exodus is one of those books in the Bible that people don’t naturally think about reading because it is in the Old Testament and it can seem far-removed from where we are in life now.  Don’t be intimidated…open up and read, and ask the Lord, as Moses did, to “Show me your glory(Exodus 33:18).  He will bless you as you walk alongside Moses, through the desert and right up to the Promised Land.  
One of the great twists in the story of Moses is that God never let him enter the Promised land he worked so hard to get to.  This particular story makes me cry when I read it (although, that’s not necessarily saying much…I cried when I saw “Cars” for the first time.  Yes, the cartoon.). Moses is standing at the edge of the land he has spent most of his life trying to enter, and the Lord says to him, “This is the land I promised on oath to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob when I said, ‘I will give it to your descendants.’ I have let you see it with your eyes, but you will not cross over into it…” Exodus 34:4

This tiny baby, drawn out of the water to be used by our Lord.  He was rescued because God had great things planned for him.  The providence of the Lord allowed the midwives to protect him, ordained that Pharoah’s daughter would be bathing at that exact time, filled his lungs with a cry that would bring her to him, made sure Moses’ sister was near enough to come up with a “plan….” It was beautiful to see them in my minds-eye, as the Lord orchestrated the rescue of Moses.  Beautiful, but painful, because I am not one of those mothers. My mind was screaming these words…
Where were you when my nephew was sleeping in his bed, moments away from his last breath?
Where, oh great providence of God, were you when my daughter’s kidneys began to fail?

I was there, in the river, basket in hand.  Where were you Lord?
I could feel the anger rising up in me as I listened, wondering why the God of the reeds, the God of papyrus, the God of Moses chose something different for my family. My heart was bursting from within me, and the tears were hot on my cheeks.
I wrestled for a good part of the afternoon with my hurt.  Sometimes I think it’s harder to believe the way I do, because I believe with everything in me that He could have changed the story.  This line of thinking inevitably brings me to the question, “Why didn’t He?”  Many people have written with the same question, and I want to tell you that I have thought it through many times, and I have come up with a great theological explanation that I want to share with you.
I have absolutely no idea.
What I do know is this.
The Lord walks beside me as He walked beside Moses, and He knows me by name.  He loves me, and I love Him.  I pushed my baby through the reeds and never saw her again.  And yet, here I am, worshipping the God who allowed it.
I know.  It appears to be an unbalanced courtship.  
I want you to know that as I type these words I am sitting in Starbucks, crying my eyes out, begging God to move my fingers and convey where my heart is resting now.  While I was sitting in church yesterday, I found a page of notes I had taken when I was reading the book “Experiencing the Depths of Jesus Christ” by Madame Guyon a few years ago, and I saw this quote.
“Love, then do what you please…” (St. Augustine)
I am not ashamed to say that I believe the Gospel is true.  I believe that He died for me, that He knows the number of hairs on my head, and that He keeps my tears in a bottle.  I believe there was a real man named Moses, and that the Lord really parted the waters.  I believe in the scarred hands and feet. I believe in the providence of God, even when it feels contrary to what my heart desires.
I have seen the way my Audrey has brought people to the cross.  I have seen the way she has impacted my own life, and the lives of people I may never meet.  It doesn’t mean I don’t want her back, or that I never hurt or doubt.  I do. Every single day.
Scripture says that the Lord Himself buried Moses, and to this day, nobody knows exactly where his body lies.  We do not know what Moses said to God as he breathed his last breath, but we know that he fulfilled his purpose on this earth.  
In his case, it was 120 years.  In Audrey’s, it was less.
I have written more than I meant to, and if you have made it this far, I want to encourage you in your walk today.  He has not abandoned us.  He is the God of the River, the God of broken dreams and crushed spirits, the God of Moses, the God of you.  He is trustworthy, and my prayer for you today is that you will press into Jesus as the words spill like broken perfume through the pain…
Love, then do what you please.
Angie

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
  • The Wade’s

    I can’t tell you how much your words have touched me, time and time again. I am praying for you and your family as you continue to walk this journey.

  • Michaelene

    You are amazing! Thank you for your words today…and every other day, too.
    Much love and many Blessings.

  • Annie

    What a beautiful post. Thank you for the encouraging and hopeful reminders. I appreciate you and pray for your family often.

  • Heath and Karen Orr

    Wow, Angie. Your words have once again touched me to my core. I am still praying for you and your family…

    Blessings –

    Karen

  • jennypen

    What an encouraging message. I am personally encouraged to trust even when I don’t understand and to delve into Scripture. Thanks for your heartfelt post.

  • Mocha with Linda

    So touching, as always. God is good all the time. Even when.

    Such an easy thing to say, much harder to live out in the midst of the “even whens”.

    Thanks for sharing your heart with us.

  • Kelly

    I read every single word always amazed. It’s interesting you posted this particular passage because today I have really been struggling to understand something.

    A dear friend re-lapsed into alcoholism this past weekend, as I worry and pray for her, I struggle to understand. I do know, no one would chooses to live this way.

    Thanks for helping me go through my day today. Still worried about my friend but knowing it will all be okay. She has fought this demon before and won, she can and will do it again!

  • 4under3

    The way you make the stories of the Bible come to life is amazing, Angie. I always look forward to your mini-lessons.

    Lately my 3 and 2 year old have been crazy about the story of Moses. They love it. Thank you for sharing the joy and pain you’ve been experiencing. The way you share about God’s love for us makes me even more crazy for Him.

    Tiff

  • The Reid Family

    Angie,
    You are an amazing woman of God. I am not sitting at Starbucks, but in my house while my three children sleep. Thank you for sharing your story and lifting me in my day.
    Praying through the tears,
    Brooks

  • KimMc

    Absolutely Beautiful! Your words, your passion, your sincerity, Your Jesus! I continue to follow your blog (although we have never met) and even though our journeys are different, our God is the same now and forever! I get so excited when I see that you have a new post because I know that I will encounter Jesus every single time! I hate that you have had to endure such tragedy, yet in spite of that, the heart of Jesus is very evident (and real) with every word that you type! May He comfort you today and give you peace that only He can give! I promise to continue to pray for you and your family!

  • elizabeth

    We are not praying because we believe He will…we don’t know that He will…
    We are praising Him because He can

    this is still true.

    thanks for sharing – and continuing to share – your story.

  • the donovan family

    beautiful, thank you. I am still praying for you.

  • servantsheart

    What a powerful post. I so appreciate your heart and your honesty.

  • Jess

    Angie,
    You have no idea how much I needed that sweet message and reminder.
    I’m so sorry you’ve had a difficult weekend, but so glad to know that we don’t have to walk the road alone!
    Keeping you in my prayers…

    ~jessica

  • David

    Beautiful…just absolutely beautiful. You never cease to amaze me with your writing. You are a breath of fresh air and I always walk away so encouraged by what you’ve shared.

    I pray for your family often.

  • Jess

    For years I, too, have suffered from anxiety. Because of Audrey’s story and your willingness to share your story, I have been blogging about my anxiety. Not all of the time, no, but definitely it’s the sypnosis of the blog and how I get through each and every day.

    Just as you pray to God to get your feet moving out of bed, I pray to God that he will keep mine from moving when I am in church. My anxiety knows no form and will take place in a car while driving, in line at Starbucks, or the very worst, in church when I want to worship Him. (I actually had a preacher scorn me while I was having an attack in church and scorned me for having the devil in me. he was a GREAT comfort to me by the way)

    I too, am on anti-anxiety medication (4 different kinds to be exact) and would love to be able to get off of them. Except I can’t let go of the Ativan that keeps my attacks at bay…

    Thank you so much for your story of Moses. It brought new ideas and sides to Moses I had never imagined. I especially loved Nichol’s comment.

    Please know that you have an army of believers who are praying for you every day!

    God Bless!
    Jessica

  • Gail Lynn

    My youngest sister had a similar “encounter with God” over taking some anti-anxiety medication; she does not advocate it for others, either. It was a personal thing between her and God.

    I am so blessed by your blogs. You are going to make it to the other side, Angie. I am in the process to, but I can look back now and see that I have “gained a little” as I continue to put one foot in front of the other and keep turning to God for His strength.

  • giabean

    OK…this gave me chills. 1. Because I, too, recently made the decision to go off all of my sleep & anxiety meds. I have needed them once, but I am doing my best to wean off completely. 2. If we ever have a boy (I suffered 2 devastating miscarriages in 2007), his name would be Ephraim Moises & we would call him Moises which is the Hebrew form of Moses…meaning "drawn from the water." I have been reading your blog for awhile & you are such an inspiration.

    Tanya

  • Christy

    Again your words are so beautiful. It is always so clear that they come from the deep places of your heart. Thank you for sharing your story with so many. I always look forward to a new post from you because in the midst of your pain and struggles I know that you are going to share truth. The truth that God is faithful and loving in everything.

  • Dani

    WOW! You are such a blessing Angie. I so can not wait to meet you and give you the biggest you have EVER had. ;)
    I don’t even know what to say right now. I just feel so blessed to have been led to your blog. That God would see fit to bring you and your very precious family into my life. For me to minister to you and for you to minister to me. You are an amazing woman and I would love to be sitting with you in Starbucks right now. :) One day I just know it.

    I am so excited about this Bible Study. I bought the book yesterday and can’t wait for it to come in. I LOVE the psalms. I was so stoked that you chose this book. You’re awesome!

    ~Dani

  • Tanya

    Sweet Angie, Thank you so much for honestly sharing your heart, time and time again. You are such a blessing to so many.
    Much love and prayers.

  • giabean

    BTW…I also love the name Yoheved. I love the name Tzipporah (Moses’s wife), but that one is a no go for my husband. :o )

    Tanya

  • Lindsay

    Amen.

  • Roo

    WOW, Angie. I had SHIVERS as I read this as your post confirmed the very things that were on my mind yesterday. Our sermon was very similar, though it was about Job. I thought about your sweet Audrey and many other things that have occurred in our personal lives and other lives…I blogged about it (check it out if you like :-) )…then I came here and read this. Just AMAZING! God is good in his all surpassing love and sovereignty. Thank you so much for sharing this. My heart goes out to you, and I praise God that He is using you in the midst of your tears to bless others.

  • A.

    I feel a wealth of emotions when I read your blogs…sometimes pain…sometimes joy…sometimes I feel so many at once I can’t really put my finger on which ones. but one thing I always feel is passion…your passion for the Lord. it fills a place inside of me that is dry with fresh and living water. i appreciate your honesty…transparency…your humanness in your writing. you have been given much more in many ways than some of us will ever experience and i am always speechless as i read what you are choosing to do with it all. i am proud of you and i don’t even know you yet. imagine how proud the LORD is. you are going to change so many lives…you have started changing mine in this short time. it’s easy to get comfortable and take Him for granted when you have grown up in church. thank you for your passion…it has begun a yearning in me to know Him so much more!

    In His love…
    Ashley Guilbert

  • Merrie

    God bless you for listening and then sharing with us. And I hope that the transition to no medication goes all right for you. **hugs**

  • georgia tarheel

    I have been praying for you. Not hearing from you in a while, I figured we were in for a good one! Your insight and application of God’s Word is amazing. Thank you for being so transparent. I am sorry that you are having to suffer this heartache. And I am sorry that you have to know the depth of loss that you do. Thank you seems inadequate but it is really all I’ve got. Thank you for having the strength to speak the words of the Lord to those of us that learn so much from them. And thank you for having the strength to trust your God with everything from getting out of bed to releasing your daughter into His presence.
    You are an awesome example of His grace, Angie.

    Paige

  • Lori

    2 Corinthians 4:7 – But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves.

    Angie, do you realize how much you demonstrate this scripture? The surpassing greatness of His power shines through you–through your pain, your weakness, your struggle and through the words you write. Thank you for your obedience. You are touching so many in a deeper way than they could be touched by most other people. What a beautiful thing God is bringing from ashes. May you know His comfort more deeply in every little moment that you need it.

  • Rooney’s Little Musings

    Thank you Angie. I too stuggled on Sun. I didn’t sleep much sat. night, and I continue to stuggle with the same whys. Why did He take my son? I choose to hold on to the knowledge that he is sovereign. He is in control. I will continue to praise Him. Thank you for helping me remember that!

  • Joy

    I love the Old Testament and find myself drawn to it far more often than the New Testament. Thank you for painting such a beautiful picture of the story of Moses and how it made you feel.

    I don’t understand your pain, your heartache, your grief because I’ve never been in your place. But I feel that, as a mother, I can relate in some level because you are so open and willing to share the details.

    I pray that God gives you the strength to overcome anxiety. I struggled with anxiety and fear for a long time. Then I stopped watching the news and CSI—stupid, I know, but garbage in means garbage out. I still lock my door but I’m not afraid.

    I’ve been so afraid before that I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t even reach over to tap my husband’s shoulder and beg him to pray. And these are times when there’s nothing to even be afraid OF!

    *HUGS*

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • John & Michelle

    I really needed to read these words today. I don’t have any answers for “Why” but your tiny daughter has touched a place in my heart that I thought was long gone. I can’t begin to understand all that you’ve been through, but I so appreciate you sharing so honestly.
    Love and Prayers from Illinois,
    Michelle

  • Joy

    Errr—I didn’t mean to use the word “relate”. I meant to say that as a mother, I feel as though I can envision and feel just a measure of your grief because you are so open and willing to share it. I have lost my mother to cancer, while I was pregnant. And I’ve also had a miscarriage. Unfortunately pain and sorrow is what binds us but God is the Overcomer and the Bearer of Burdens!

  • Jody

    In just 8 days, we will mark another year gone as a result of the incident that took Teagan’s life. Not a day passes that I don’t think of the way God could have easily changed the outcome of our tragedy. But He didn’t. And it has been and continues to be the hardest thing to understand and accept. My heart once again resonates with every word your shaking fingers have typed here today.
    The lump in my throat gets so big at times it still takes my breath away. The tears flow in streams at times. And yet I do as you continue to do. I walk with Him and accept His ways. Not because it’s easy, but because my heart cannot turn from the One who holds it in His hands. Every moment of every day.
    In the valleys and on the mountains, He continues to speak to me in whispers and to give me strength and even Joy along the journey. I can’t explain how or why most of the time. But it is real never-the-less.
    I continue to pray for all your family and Nicol and Greg too. There are days…there will continue to be days that are tough. That are nearly unbearable- the unfairness and questions linger long after our loved ones have gone to Heaven.
    I thank God that He never has left me- and He never will. I thank Him for His plan and His creativity in executing it at times- even when it hurts so many along the way. His own Son suffered for me- for you- for all, and I can only cling to Him more as a result. He is with us. He is with Audrey. And someday we will all be together forever.
    That is the most sweet and comforting thouht to me. It makes the pain bearable. I send my love to you and thank you again for sharing your story- Audrey’s story- Moses’ story- God’s story…in order that we might have changed hearts and new eyes in which to see the world.
    May you be encouraged and blessed many times over as a result. Love to you…xo.
    P.S.
    I love when God meets me where I am and just when I need it. One of my favorite places for Him is also Starbuck’s. It’s like getting an extra shot in my latte. =) He meets us where we are when we are willing to seek Him with all our hearts!

  • Sarah

    I am blessed everytime I come across your blog. Thank you for your faith. You remind me to trust in him.

  • stacey

    Angie, Thank You, once again! I struggled with some very similar issues also this week and needed some reminding about the power and the strength of prayer even if it doesn’t turn out the way I would have hoped. I believe there will be a day that I understand why. You are a tremendous inspiration to me. My prayers are with you and your lovely family.

  • boomama

    This is beautiful.

    Praying for you and your sweet family.

  • Linda Cumby

    Angie…amazing words once again. As the tears stream down my face I know too that the Lord catches the tears as they fall! Continuing to pray for you…

  • Netty

    The quote, “she put him in the river a slave, and he was brought out of the water a prince.” reminded me of Jesus on the cross treated as a slave and then he rose up as our prince. Since this is a story with water it also made me think of the symbolism of baptism. When coming out of the water we are showing our new life with Christ. I know the symbolic parallels are not quite exact but that is what came to my mind. It always seems that everything in the Bible from beginning to end is always drawn back to Christ. So many similar symbolisms. It is all about Christ. Anyways, I always enjoy reading your blog. Keep it up.

  • Stacy D

    This was beautiful, and your words met me right where I am today in dealing with and processing Isaac’s story. This past Saturday night (while visiting my in-laws for the weekend) I stayed up in our guest room for a few hours and just had it out with God… asking the same things. Why won’t you heal him? With all of these people, many of whom don’t know you watching, and they’d all bear witness to it… why won’t you?? Like you, I have absolutely no idea.

    Thank you for reminding me about what is true of our God. I needed to hear it.

    ~ Stacy

  • hennhouse

    But those who trust the LORD will find new strength. They will be strong like eagles soaring upward on wings; they will walk and run without getting tired.” –Isaiah 40:31

  • Mary

    Once again, I come to your blog and your words seem to echo my own thoughts and feelings. I also have no idea why the Lord allowed our son to die 3.5 years ago. I’ve stopped asking, mostly because I’m not Him and I feel like it’s futile. He is God and I am not, so I set my questions aside and cling to what I know is true. God is good, God is faithful, and He has everything under control. Heaven is real, and Payton is there, waiting for our arrival.
    More than ever my heart’s cry is: Lord Jesus, come quickly.
    Blessings to you today,
    Mary

  • Sara

    What is that saying… “If you find faith to be easy then you haven’t been tested.”

    My faith is unshakable, I BELIEVE, but it’s not always easy. It’s a choice I make every day because I believe and I love and I need. Your journey now is not easy, but you’re making the choice to be faithful. I admire that greatly and am sending you my faith to help uphold yours.

    Continuing to pray for you and sending blessings on your day…

    sara
    http://www.gitzengirl.blogspot.com

  • Cristi

    A prayer for you: Our Father in Heaven, please Lord Jesus take this precious one in your arms and fill her with all your comfort. Thank you Lord that your word shows us that you are our strength, please be that for her today and in the future. She needs you. Thank you that your word says you will never leave her or forsake her. Thank you again that 2 Peter 1:3 tells us that
    His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. EVERYTHING we need. Lord Jesus reach out your hand for Angie to take into hers and bring her up from the waters to you. In Jesus Name. Amen

  • Brittney Galloway

    Thank you for your encouraging words and a servant spirit. I pray that I can grow into a beautiful woman of God such as you.

    Brittney

  • Lorri

    Again, your post takes my breath away. You are a vessel of incredible honor in the Kingdom of God. Rest in Him Sweet daughter of God. Just rest.

    With His love, Lorri Steer in CO

  • Bttrfly1976

    Your heart-wrenching honesty is utterly refreshing. In a world where so many believe that ‘christian’ means you don’t have bad days, you don’t question your Maker, crying is weak….the list goes on.

    You are refreshing and even the depths of your despair are an encouragement to me. That sounds kind of strange but I am hoping you understand what I mean.

    Thank you.

  • kris

    Yes… yes yes yes.

  • jennifergriffin

    Your words flow so well. I have to sit and read that story of Moses tonight…it’s been a while.

    Thank youf or sharing what is truly in your heart!

    Love- Jen

  • Daberath

    Your sweet words are always an encouragement to me. Thanks for sharing some of your deepest thoughts and allowing us to use them to grow in our own walks. I love the quote. How true it is!

  • Mattam

    Thank you. Your encouragement today was much needed. I will definately read the story of Moses again…I am in a place right now where I need it.

  • Steph

    I love reading your blog. You are amazing and have been such a blessing to me. I LOVE the story of Moses. Ive read it time and again and have received various words of knowledge from it. But, as I read your blog I found myself wondering…. (and Ive wondered before)

    What about the mothers of the other babies?

    The mothers who threw their babies into the river upon the Pharoh’s orders.

    What were there prayers as they threw their infants into waters we know are and were infested with crocodiles?

    Did they put them in baskets like Moses mother? Or were they simply forced to heave their precious child into the murky water?

    I know why Moses was saved adn why his mother’s obedience was rewarded. I totally understand that.

    But, I also know that those other babies were as special to God as Moses was and yet I dont know why all of them werent saved as well.

    I can picture those women sobbing in grief by the river and later too.

    I also wonder, if upon hearing about Moses, they wonder “why him?”, “why not my baby?”

    We just have to trust in Him and know that He is always with us… He never leaves us nor forsakes us

    even when we dont understand the journey

    Sorry to go on so long.. you made me think!

  • Kristina

    Our sermon was similar too, not in the topic, but the underlying theme. It was on fasting, and trusting God to fulfill all your needs. I recently quit taking my sleeping pills that I’ve been dependent on for several years. (You can read about that on my blog). I didn’t quit taking them for any spiritual reason, I just didn’t have the money to get them refilled. But because of that, I have grown so much more dependent on God and come to trust him so much more. I go to sleep easily every night now after spending time with God. I feel much more peaceful and relaxed most of the time. I’ve started having panic attacks again though, jsut in the last few days. I came away from church this weekend, from the sermon on fasting, knowing that I need to pray my way through the panic, just like I’m learning to pray through the sleeplessness. It really works! I’m still praying for you. Thank you for this beautiful post.

  • Sara

    It is good to hear from you. Thank you for sharing this. It got me thinking. When my husband and I met with our minister to discuss Samuel’s funeral service, he said something to us I won’t soon forget. We sat there, sobbing, asking him why God took Samuel, why us – parents who wanted that child so much, and he looked at us and said something like this. Forgive me that I don’t remember word for word – “It is times like this that I am not going to sit and tell you that this is God’s will. God didn’t want you to lose your child. God did not want you to have to make the decisions that you made about Samuel’s life. It is times like this that it is not Theology, it is Biology.” Whether or not one believes this is up to the individual, but it sure helped Matt and I.
    Sorry this is long! I just get so motivated when I read your posts.

  • S.

    Angie,
    I sit here with tears in my eyes for the broken dreams that each of us have experienced. They are all different dreams, but yet they all still hurt.
    God is our refuge. God is our strength. God is our restorer.
    We may never fully understand why…however, we hold on knowing that His ways are better than our ways. His timing in perfect. His plans are for the good…
    I type these words and I struggle sometimes/ many times to believe them…but I hold on even if it is by frayed string…
    Be Blessed today…
    S.

  • My Beautiful Mess!

    Angie, Your words are so very true and I can literally feel your emotion as I read them. God Bless you for sharing this. I have never been in the exact place as you but have been in a place where I felt like my heart was so broken. I would cry out for answers and I too would wonder why this was happening to me – Why God? Some things I will never have answers to – and perhaps that in itself is my answer. What I do know (and I can tell you do to) is that I may never understand or agree with everything that God puts in my life but I do know that he is good and he knows the bigger picture for my life. It is hard not to be anxious – not to question – but you know I think the Lord understands why we do. You are in my prayers and in my thoughts. God Bless you!

  • MAC5

    Keep Believing Angie! Keep Walking. I am not a doctor either, but talk with yours about being off the meds. He oe she may request you wean yourself. They may also want to monitor the situation. Just be careful. I will pray that you will know God is close to you and that He will show you even more of His plan for your family.
    Thanks for sharing your heart with us. Mush love Dee

    P.S. I Love Starbucks. Great coffee often a quite nook can be found to just be when you need to.
    Remember that God is the Rock of Our salvation. I often as a young adult would find a big rock to sit on. One that was way to big to push or move humanly. And really think that if this rock cannot be moved by human hands how much more can God not be shaken by humans, yet it is stable and un changing.

  • melanie

    Angie,
    I realize that you have gobs and gobs of comments. And your heart is working through so much right now. A dear friend of mine lost a little boy, Andy in January. She is walking through such a similar time, crying out to God, desperate for Him. Her blog is found here if you have a moment to swing by: http://beefy86.blogspot.com/
    Blessings to you.

  • lilmoxey

    I have been reading for a few months now, but I have never left a comment or sent an email. Today I feel led to do so. I just want to say that I have been so encouraged by your words and faith. In March I lost our first child 13 weeks into my pregnancy. Shortly after that a friend sent me a link to your site. It has been a source of encouragement. I know that I am not alone in this walk. Thank you for your courage in sharing. It has meant more to me than I can say. Mercy Me’s “Bring the Rain” has become somewhat of a theme song of my life right now. Each time I hear it I think of you and pray for you and your family. Thank you.

  • Traci

    Beautiful.

    thanks for sharing today.

  • Jill

    absolutely Beautiful Angie~
    thank you so much for sharing~
    love you~
    jill

  • Tara

    Angie,
    Thank you for being you. You are an encouragement to so many. I needed to hear your words today. May God continue to be your very great reward and your strong tower.

  • Kirsten Phillips

    Thank you for posting this today. The last couple of weeks I have been dealing with anger regarding two pregnancy losses in my life, and I really feel like God has used this particular entry to speak directly to my specific hurt.

    God bless

  • Rachel

    I have been “lurking” on your blog for months but have never commented. I just wanted you to know that this morning on our local radio station “Bring the Rain” came on and I instantly thought about you and prayed for your family. You are in my heart and prayers.

  • Alyssa K. Krebs

    I loved Pastor Scott’s sermon today. I even saw you afterwards and was going to come say hi but didn’t think you would remember me. We met about 3 months ago when my mom introduced us and you both were talking about homeschooling. I am 15 and have been homeschooled so far. Anyway maybe I will see you next sunday.

  • Casey

    I cannot begin to tell you how much I needed to hear those words today. Your words touch me each and every day.

    I haven’t lost a child, but have been faced with two tragedies in the last two years. Reading about you and your family has helped me so much.

    Thank you so much for sharing with the rest of us.

  • Jen

    Angie, I just want to curl up on your couch next to you and just lay down my head on your lap. I truly can’t explain what my heart does when I read your words… it’s a mixture of love, hurt, admiration, joy, peace… and they’re just the ones I can isolate.

    Did you know that husbands fit into those baskets, too? Adam is suffering heavily with his depression and anxiety at the moment, and it’s tough, to say the least. I’m not angry he has it, or anything, I’m cross he doesn’t do like you though, and pray, and rely on God during his dark times, and I’ve got no more ideas left on how to encourage him anymore. But I still hold fast to a prophesy the Lord gave me about him… and trust it will come to be.
    Love you Angie. (Numbers 6:24-26)

  • Denise K.

    Hi Angie!

    I am a new reader, and I found your blog through my friend Lorri Steer, who mentioned your story on her blog! Small world indeed!

    I have been touched tremendously by your story, and by your beautiful posts. I have much to say, but feel as though I need to formulate my words carefully so I don’t start being “mushy” all over the place!

    Thank you for welcoming all readers, of all walks in life…to those new in their spiritual journey, to those who feel confident in their walk with the Lord. You welcome all and so honestly and genuinely, that I, like so many, wish I lived closer to attend your upcoming Bible Study. I hope that you will do some posts revolving around what you are working on for your readers long distance! :-)

    I will write again, but just wanted to say, “Hello!” and let you know that I have been reading your blog for the past few weeks.

    I pray that the anxiety you have been experiencing will subside, and that the Lord will continue to bring you strength through your journey of pain, change, and the many daily happenings of motherhood, etc…

    My prayers are with you, and your entire family as you mourn the loss of Audrey and your nephew.

    With long distance love and prayers,
    Denise Kofford
    Longmont, Colorado

  • Leslie

    I take medication for bipolar disorder and will stop taking it in a couple of months as we prepare to try to get pregnant. I’m very nervous about how I’ll be without the medication. I’ve committed Psalm 91 to memory for those times when my emotions seem to be out of control. It’s so hard sometimes, isn’t it? Especially when people don’t understand.

  • Janera

    You are such a treasure. Thank you for sharing your heart for the glory of our Lord.

    I was thinking as I read your post today that your sweet Audrey IS like Moses in so many ways. I want you to have her, yes I do, but I praise God for using her to reach others for the kingdom.

    So many of us ask to be used; we search for ways to be used; yet the sacrifices required of us stretch the boundaries of our human understanding in awful and in glorious ways.

    Continuing to pray for you.

  • Gail

    Your words have taken me to my knees.As I go through my own quetioning of How could He let this happen, I too, trust that He is everlasting love, and He will stregthen me.Thank you.

  • sumi

    My pastor always reminds me: “Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord…” (Hosea 6)

    Keith Green sings: “He’s brought me here, where things are clear, and trials turn to gold…”

    We may only fully understand when we see Jesus in heaven, or we may get a glimpse down here on earth why we had to suffer so. But I believe that if we follow on to know Jesus that much, he will bring his rain to us and we will see fruit in our lives that would not be there had we not gone through those deep and dark valleys.

    Your fruit is already showing, Angie.

    HUGS…

  • Smelling Coffee

    Thank you for sharing… I’ve just started reading your blog, and am praying for your family.

  • Lisa @ The Preacher’s Wife

    “I pushed my baby through the reeds and never saw her again. And yet, here I am, worshipping the God who allowed it.”

    Your post today makes me think of all the Israelite women in Egypt who’d already lost their sons and yet followed God out anyway, recognizing Him as their Deliverer and Redemption.

    Thank you for ministering through tears…

  • Jocelyn

    Where was Jesus when my baby was being abused?

    Where is He now when the trial is being postponed once again?

    My heart is hurting so badly. I love my Jesus and want Him to sweep this all away.

    Thanks Angie, you are such a blessing and encouragement to me.

  • insertgracehere

    I can feel a lump in my throat that I am trying desperately to choke down.

    I asked for prayer for my oldest daughter in my blog post today. She is struggling. I thought so much of her as I read this.

    Thank you. Thank you for being so personal and raw and real with your experiences.

    I know I can trust Him with my daughter. With all three of them. He is faithful!

  • ncmama

    Angie,

    Thank you once again for being so open and honest with us. I’ve been on anti-anxiety meds now for about 9 months – following a difficult pregnancy and painful miscarriage. Even as you’re seeking to go off medication, it encourages me greatly to know other Christians who are dealing with this struggle.

    I’ve encountered far too many Christians who think that medication is just for those who are lacking in their faith and trust in God. It’s certainly not for everyone, but it can have a place in a believer’s life.

    Thank you for ministering to me and I will continue to lift you up in prayer during this transistion time!

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Tiger & Kar

    I can barely see through my tears to type…

    Angie, as always your writing has touched me and brought me even closer to our Father than I was 5 minutes ago. You continue to amaze me with your strength, your faith, your service.

    Thank you for reaching out to so many people who may not have a relationship with Jesus, and for reminding those of us who do believe how very blessed we are even during our trials.

    Your Sister in Christ,
    Karyn

  • Lisa

    Boo Mama’s blog led me here today. For the past 2 hours I have been reading your whole story, spending a lot of time crying (and I’m not a crier!) and laughing. Thank you for sharing your story…the pain and the grace of God. My heart is touched by your struggle and I thank you for the reminders of God’s presence in all situations.

  • Pipsylou

    You know, it’s funny, I never expected your words to make me angry. But they do.

    I think I am angry because I want an answer. And you have the trust to not require one. And I am so wondering how you get to that place. Is it something that happens in a day? A month? A year? Do some people never get to that place?

    I am angry in grieving the loss of a normal life for my daughter. And some days I think I don’t want to let it go, because it’s not FAIR.

    But then I suppose I don’t really deserve any of the good things I get, right? And it’s funny how each and every member of the human race is naturally inclined to be outraged when something bad happens to them, but we don’t naturally attribute the good things that come our way to God. It does seem to be messed up.

    I too have struggled with anxiety, OCD, depression for years and years and years. It seems to be a chemical imbalance that I was born with, but lately I struggle with wondering if Satan has his hands in it more than I think.

    We would love to have a third child but I am terrified of more birth defects. And I know that our God is not a God of fear. But I don’t want to be that vulnerable in his hands again. Silly, as if I think I have any control over ANYTHING in my life! :)

    Wow, just poured my heart out to you! Didn’t mean for this to get so long!

    Keep on keepin’ on. I love your honesty. And I love how your questioning always brings you back to the same place: God’s goodness and Providence.

  • maggieallen123

    Angie,
    I check your blog about twice a day to see if you have written anything, you are always so amazing….so I am constantly waiting to see what you write. I was reading in the Streams in the Desert devotional today and it was talking about the three kinds of faith. One with emotion, one without emotion, and the third kind of faith is when it makes no sense to keep believing, when everything is contrary to what you are believing in. Thank you for allowing us to grow as you grow.
    You are continually in my prayers.
    Becky

  • Amy

    What a great Bible story-teller! Will you be my Sunday School teacher?

  • Sallie

    Thank you for your words today and all the other days. You will never know the impact you have given others. You truely are amazing!! Thank you Angie for all you do for many of us!!!

  • Shannon

    Your post reminded me of another one I read today along the same lines and from someone who has experienced a similar loss as you have.
    http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/gods-purposes-and-our-pain/
    I saw you already had a Piper book on your list of recommendations – I could recommend anything and everything he has written!
    Thanks for offering your vulnerability and the truth to so many.
    Shannon

  • Mare

    My Dearest Angie,

    Your words today couldn’t have come at a better time. For most of my life I have suffered with depression. I have been in the depths of depression for a few weeks now and have found much healing through your blog and scripture. A song came to mind as I was reading…Cry out to Jesus, by Third Day. “You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus” “There is love for the broken heart” “There is grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing to meet you where ever you are…cry out to Jesus” This is what I have done…I have cried out to Jesus and I have been so blessed. He has made me see that I am not perfect, I just need to rest in the loving arms of Jesus and trust that he will give me grace and forgiveness, mercy and healing. He will meet me where ever I am. His love for me is so great. He can heal from the inside out and bless me abundantly…I just need to trust. You probably don’t have time to read my blog, it explains the journey I have gone through in depression and my restored faith in Jesus. It is still a battle I fight every day, but I trust the Lord will see me through. I pray that you find comfort in the loving arms of Jesus…give it all to him…you are blessed. Thank you for your humility and honesty.

    Marylea

  • KrisPT

    I saw a link on boomama’s blog that simply said something about “Angie’s post” Immediately I knew she must be talking about you. Your story and your amazing way with words have made you known all around “Blogland.” Talk about an amazing influence! Thank you for allowing God to bless me through your words.

  • SAH in Suburbia

    You write with such power.

    Thank-you for sharing your faith – I often feel like you are writing just for me.

  • Beth (A Mom’s Life)

    I needed to read these words today.

    Thank you.

  • Becoming Me

    Your words really touched my heart today. We really don’t know the Why’s but we know the Who. Thank you.

  • queenoftheclick

    Thanks Angie. I’m praying for you today.

  • Melissa Irwin

    I am so sorry about your anxiety! Just curious….did God happen to tell you “nevermind”…and take the meds again? LOL

    I adore you and appreicate your blog always. Your family is on my heart every day, and in my prayers!

    And FYI….everybody reads to the end! Your words are always worth the time and length…and we usually just want more.

  • lisasmith

    Hi Angie and friends! I want Leslie, who’s going off meds to try to get pregnant, that I’m praying. I’m also praying for those who struggle with anxiety too. Your comments have touched me!

    Angie, One thing I always get from you is perspective. Thanks for your transparency. As I read about baby Moses being raised out of the water a prince, I saw sweet Audrey.

    Jesus, fill aching arms and a heavy heart. Bless Angie with your presence. Let her experience your rest today. Send angels to guard her in sleep and fill her mind with a peace that surpasses understanding. As Psalm 21 says, “We will shout when she is victorious.” We are shouting! Praises to You, Jesus!

  • Kate

    dear sister,
    i just can’t tell you how my heart echoes with your heart…and thoughts written today. there have been many whys in my life and i have come to that same conclusion…i have no idea WHY BUT GOD…He is all, He is enough and so we choose to rest and trust in Him. thank you so much for opening up your heart and sharing with us…with the world. God bless you and heal your heart!

  • Amy

    I needed this today. Thank you…

  • PJ

    My first visit here. Wanted to let you know that I’m praying for you. I went back and read the Audry story. God is so faithful!! Thank you for sharing. Anxiety is such a common phenomena, but many CHristians are afraid to admit to the symptoms. Thanks for your transparency. God does know what he’s doing. I think Audry’s legacy is very evident here!!

  • rebecca

    Thank you, thank you for sharing your heart. You could not imagine how much you inspire me to walk closer to our Lord….your encouraging words even through your tears has made me want to SEEK him right here, right now.
    I am praying for you and all of the other mommies who have pushed their little ones into the reeds and never saw them again.
    The Lord’s ways are not always our ways and the questions often go unanswered, but on that one Sweet Day that is to come, He will wipe all our tears away and death will be no more. He is faithful.
    I am praising God and loving you and your family in this time of sorrow.

  • Beckycain6

    Beautiful….

    Simply beautiful.

    I love you, Angie Smith. I love you, whoever is reading this….and, Lord, you know how much I love you.

    My prayers will be in line with the words on these pages…I shall whisper a wish into the wind for you, Angie.

    becky

  • Kim

    Angie, you are often in my thougths and prayers. Your words are even more impactful today. I had lunch with a dear sister in Christ who told me of an experience she had when my sixteen year old daughter, who is tormented with anxiety attacks, was prayed over by the ministry of the church. God gave her the reassurance that this is my daughter’s “thorn in the flesh” for a time, and that He will never leaver her. There is so much comfort in my mother-soul. God is gracious and he protects and holds our children near whatever the circustances, whatever the stage of life. I want my baby healed, but He has a plan. Since I want the very best for her, I choose to trust His plan. God bless you.

  • kingfamily

    Still prsaying… thank you for your beautiful words.
    Brandi

  • RR Mama

    God is good all the time. In the storm, in the sunshine. God is good all the time. You have a talent for expressing words to touch others. Thank you for sharing. Praying for you and your family

    Blessings.

  • Karen

    May He continue to bless you with His presence while Audrey grows up in royalty.

  • Kelli :)

    Amazing, like always.
    Thanks honey! Praying for you everyday! LOVE much!! Can’t wait to meet you..one day! :)

  • Carissalayla

    THANK YOU

  • Kristy

    Angie, I have been following your blog, but never posted before. I thank you for sharing this painful and beautiful story of Audrey – and of your heart. I’m sure you have touched countless lives, and encouraged just as many in their own faith. I lost my first baby, almost 14 yrs. ago now. I was not a Christian then, and I was in a deep depression for about 1 year. I was angry at God and wasn’t sure if I even believed in Him. I couldn’t understand how He could allow this, knowing how much I loved and wanted that baby. I deeply regret now, that my baby could not make an impact on anyone but myself, because I had no faith to share. After all of these years, I think I finally I have come to terms with why. For me, it was that God had a plan for me – to be who I am today, and without that loss, I wouldn’t be me. Also, I wouldn’t be able to relate to others who have suffered the same pain. Thank you again. I am also excited about what God gives you for the bible study idea! I am praying for you and for your sister in law, for this sadness that is so hard to come out from under.

  • Jess

    Amen, sister. Yesterday was a good day to be in church. You should tell others that they can listen to that sermon online when it gets posted (usually by Wed, I think). http://www.gccnashville.org/resources/tapeorders.aspx It was good to see you yesterday!

  • Marla Taviano

    Praying that phrase with you tonight. “Lord, then do what you please.”

    Hugs, Angie!!

  • Nancy

    Thank you for these words today! I really needed this. I am so blessed, but I am feeling like I am in a hole and I can’t figure out how to get out. I am being patient and still, but I am starting to feel a little anxious.

    Lord, I pray for you to calm our nerves and let us rest in your arms. Lord give us peace, wisdom and guidance with the coming days. Lord please make your will clear and the path we should follow even more clear. I know you already know the outcome, but I pray for you to lift it off our shoulders and take over. Guide us! Amen.

  • Carissalayla

    why can’t I have your faith? I try and try but it’s just not there, but you do inspire me and encourage me through my journey…so Thank You.

  • Carrie

    Wow. That's all I can say. Wow. You are so right about all you say- thanks for sharing your feelings & turning it all back to God.

  • Tamara

    WOW. Thank you!

  • Salzwedel Family

    Thank you for this encouragement.

  • Ann

    Angie, I have been following your story for awhile now…I prayed for you through the miracle of Audrey and still do. Audrey’s pictures are truely angelic. Thank you for sharing your life with us…I have read my bible more then I have in quite some time. God Bless You and your family.

  • Lori

    *deep breath* thank you

  • Terynn

    I <3 you, dear Angie. Thank you for a powerful post (that is causing me to fuss with the Lord, as I type). Keep writing, I'll keep reading. Keep being real and I'll be brave, too. Keep pointing me (and everyone) to the cross of Jesus and we'll eventually get there, even if we have to crawl over broken glass (figuratively speaking) to do so. Thank you. Bless you.

  • Michelle Burrill

    Dear Angie,
    My heart aches for you. I am praying. Your transparency is a strength.
    This past year, my bible study worked our way through the book of Exodus. It was such a deep, beautiful study. There are a million and one applications to our lives today, if we would be willing to allow the Holy Spirit to open our eyes to the simple truths of His word. Simple, but so profound. It truly is a living and active book, always fresh, always something new to learn and apply…and when you study exodus, it makes the new testament that much richer, because you really understand the significance of things, like why Jesus said He came not to abolish the law, but to FULLFILL it. And He did this once and for all…and now we can boldly approach the throne of grace…which the Israelites could not do in the desert. The glory of God was always a distance away…but now, because of Jesus the Holy Spirit can live INSIDE of us, once and for all time, never to leave! And when we spend time with Him, we glow…as Moses did, and people will see the glow, even if they don’t understand it. And you, Angie, certainly are glowing. No explanation for it except spending time with the Lord.
    I love you and am praying for your journey to the promised land. Love and prayers and a big hug, Michelle in California

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Ry & I

    thank you so much for your ever encouraging words. god uses you more than you will ever know. thank you for always sharing your heart.

    love and prayers.

  • Sarah

    I don’t think that there are words to say other than that I love you as a sister in christ and I am right here for you. I love these little glimpses into your life. I love sharing in your faith. I love your insight. I love being a part of a deeper part of you that people in the grocery store don’t get to see. I am so glad that I came across your blog and that God has used your words to make so many changes in my heart. That God used Audrey to change me. Thank you for loving Him and walking with Him and sharing it with all of us. I can’t tell you how much it means to every single one of us.

  • Megan

    I continue to be blessed by your words.  Thank you for your amazing posts.

  • Annabelle

    Your words touch the very heart of me. Thanks for sharing!

  • judith

    Angie,
    When I have days that I can’t even pray your words touch me and convict me so. You are gifted. Your faith and strength are an encouragement to us all.

  • Mrs. D

    This year that is coming up at Bible Sutdy Fellowship is the Life Of Moses… I’m really looking forward to it.. even more now.

  • kendra

    Oh Angie…from my heart to yours- may God bless you.
    Kendra Hoffman

  • Amanda:

    I love your faith. The way you can be so honest about your thoughts and doubts and yet know that it doesn’t change the fact that you believe.

    I know what you mean about Audrey bringing people to the cross. I saw that with my own eyes when Joshua was battling cancer. I truly believe that’s why we are chosen to walk the paths we do – the ripple effect. Children have such a pureness about them that they change the lives of the people around them without even trying to.

    I can’t tell you how many times I cried out to God about the unfairness of my son fighting cancer, and even though our outcome was different, as I look back with the blessing of time, I can now see why we walked that road. Something I never saw when we were going through it.

    It’s nice to be able to relate to you on this one part of the journeys we’ve been chosen to take. Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers tonight and always!!

  • Anna

    Thank-you so much for sharing this. The story of Moses is one of my favorites and I think it should be a story carried near and dear to every mother’s heart.

    It was so good to read this here.

    Thank-you.

  • Maria Diane

    WoW! Your posts always inspire me and renew my spirit. Thank you for being so honest and sharing your walk with the Lord.

  • rachel n.

    angie i love your blog even though i am an infrequent blogger myself. However I will tell you as someone going into the counseling profession, if you feel the lord is telling you to go off your medicine…please do so under the direction of a professional so they can tell you how to wean off of it. Otherwise, it can really REALLY mess with your brain and your hormone/chemical balances.
    Anyway…your site has touched me and i love to hear how you lean on the lord
    -rachel

  • The Morris Family

    I have been reading in Ex. as well and as we are grieving for our little 3 yr Joel (1/23/07) I was encouraged with the verse 10: 21-23 …even darkness that may be felt. (23) They saw not one another, neither rose any from his place for three days: but all the children of Israel had light in their dwelling. In the midst of the darkness that can literally be felt, he is in the midst of our dwelling with his light. Praise the Lord for his faithfulness even when we can not feel it or sometimes see it, but we know tis true because that is his very name!!
    Cindy Morris
    http://www.weloveyoujoel.blogspot.com

  • :-)

    This is the devotional today from “Streams from the Desert”…I thought it spoke volumes about what you wrote:

    Author: Mrs. Charles E. Cowman
    Source: Streams in the Desert
    Scripture Reference: Judges 6:39
    Degrees of Faith
    “Let me prove, I pray thee, but this once with the fleece” (Judges 6:39).
    There are degrees to faith. At one stage of Christian experience we cannot believe unless we have some sign or some great manifestation of feeling. We feel our fleece, like Gideon, and if it is wet we are willing to trust God. This may be true faith, but it is imperfect. It always looks for feeling or some token besides the Word of God. It marks quite an advance in faith when we trust God without feelings. It is blessed to believe without having any emotion.
    There is a third stage of faith which even transcends that of Gideon and his fleece. The first phase of faith believes when there are favorable emotions, the second believes when there is the absence of feeling, but this third form of faith believes God and His Word when circumstances, emotions, appearances, people, and human reason all urge to the contrary. Paul exercised this faith in Acts 27:20, 25, “And when neither sun nor stars in many days appeared, and no small tempest lay on us, all hope that we should be saved was then taken away.” Notwithstanding all this Paul said, “Wherefore, sirs, be of good cheer; for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me.”
    May God give us faith to fully trust His Word though everything else witness the other way.–C.H.P.
    When is the time to trust?
    Is it when all is calm,
    When waves the victor’s palm,
    And life is one glad psalm
    Of joy and praise?
    Nay! but the time to trust
    Is when the waves beat high,
    When storm clouds fill the sky,
    And prayer is one long cry,
    O help and save!
    When is the time to trust?
    Is it when friends are true?
    Is it when comforts woo,
    And in all we say and do
    We meet but praise?
    Nay! but the time to trust
    Is when we stand alone,
    And summer birds have flown,
    And every prop is gone,
    All else but God.
    What is the time to trust?
    Is it some future day,
    When you have tried your way,
    And learned to trust and pray
    By bitter woe?
    Nay! but the time to trust
    Is in this moment’s need,
    Poor, broken, bruised reed!
    Poor, troubled soul, make speed
    To trust thy God.
    What is the time to trust?
    Is it when hopes beat high,
    When sunshine gilds the sky,
    And joy and ecstasy
    Fill all the heart?
    Nay! but the time to trust
    Is when our joy is fled,
    When sorrow bows the head,
    And all is cold and dead,
    All else but God.

    –Selected

  • Julie

    I believe and I understand. Big hugs and many more prayers.

  • kari

    Romans 8:28

    may God continue to use you for His glory.

    thank you for sharing your heart with us.

  • Ann

    I look forward to reading your blog everyday. It is so inspiring that you are willing/able to be so transparent with your feeling and thoughts. Your posts inspire me to deepen my walk with Christ.
    For those of us who do not live in the Nashville area, can you post your bible study agenda on your blog for us to follow too? Thank you Angie!

  • Rissa Mendes

    Thanks for the wonderful words.. Its inspired me to walk on further in my relationship with God expecting to go further each and every day..
    I'm praying for you & the Family..
    With Much Love
    Rissa

  • Raechel

    You talked today about worshipping the God who allowed your loss… how it appears to be an unbalanced courtship. I understand the feeling, and how truly unbalanced the courtship is… in our favor! Thanks for your words, they were just right.

    Angie, I’d like to invite you to my blog if you have the time: http://raechelmyers.blogspot.com/

    I posted on July 15th on a similar topic – based instead though from James 1:2-4.

    Praise God for his providence in our lives. And, praise him for his loving, beautiful courtship!

  • Karen

    Angie,

    For some reason, when you posted about Nichol and Greg not too long ago on that heart-wrenching day, the only words that kept going through my head were these: “He’s the same today as He was yesterday.” That was just as heart-wrenching to say in my head, yet oddly comforting for your family, as well. He was the same omnicient, all-powerful, Heavenly Father the day before Audrey took her last breath as He was the day before she was conceived. It is almost too much for me to fathom, when I try. It’s too hard to not start the “why, then??” but I just have to take the comfort and rest the remaining unknowns at His feet.

    I am so looking forward to the Bible Study!

  • Allmykids123

    I have been missing your words. Your blog is the first one that I go to, every day. As I read them, I feel like you are sitting beside me, holding my hand. You have been so blessed with a way of putting things where we can understand them.. you make them real. Your words make me laugh and make me cry, but always bring me inspiration and encouragement. I hope you know how many of us are out here praying with you and walking beside you.. and holding your hand. Thank you for being there!

  • Andrea

    Joseph called that night. Sara Beth was only 2 wks old. I remember thinking that is the quickest conversation i think my husband has ever had. Stefan called me to him. He said it’s Angie. I walked over to the table and he took his hands in mine and and spoke the news of Audrey, both of us in disbelief. Stefan and I wept and prayed for you and Todd that very night in early Jan. and we continue to pray for ya’ll until Jesus comes and takes us home.
    Mid to late Jan. I learned that Rick Burgess of the rick and bubba show lost his 2 yr old son in the family swimming pool. I thought to myself, what is going on ? I went to you tube and watched the service for young Bronner Burgess. Amazing faith ! There is so much power in the truth of God our Father. If you haven’t heard his testimony give it a whirl. Jesus spoke through him healing words that everyone should read. Make sure you have 2 boxes of puffs at your side. i hope to see you at bible study tommorrow with Nancy
    Much love and many blessings.
    andrea on stoney brook

  • whit

    Thanks Angie for your post. We found out today that we are having a third baby. I have one 9 months and one 2. I feel scared and overwhelmed at adding a third. Plus it does not help that we live in a two bedroom apartment and my daughter is now in our walk in closet! lol. I trust the Lord yet falter at times. Your blog always helps keep me strong. It would lovely to be in a picture perfect house, but some reason that is not God’s plan at the moment. I trust the Lord will Bless us with a home someday as we have been so Blessed with His children. I say His children, because I believe that they are a direct gift from Him to us, to nuture and guide through this life in praise of His Glory. So not having a home is trifle compared to what He has Blessed us with yet I always have to recall Matthew Chapter 6 when I feel anxious or scared.

  • Mommy Pose

    I have been reading your blog for awhile now, and I never read it without crying. Thank you, Angie, for inspiring me and touching my life. You make me think about my Christianity and you make me want to grow each and every day. I will continue to pray for you and your family.

  • JennaG

    I know you have a ton of comments on this post, but I wanted to say that I was blessed by this post as well. We lost our second daughter shortly after birth 13 years ago. So, as a mom who is a little further down the road, I wanted to encourage you by saying that God is absolutely faithful every step of the way. He will see you and your family through.

  • Brandy

    Yet again, your words encourage me. Thank you for your faith and sharing your life. You continue to be in my prayers!!

  • Erin

    A beautiful post, Angie. In the 3 years since I became a mother, I hadn’t thought about the story of Moses from a mother’s perspective. To fathom letting go of that basket with my tiny son inside is more than I can even imagine. And to know we are all called to give our children over to God in that way…oh my. I am so sorry though, that you had to let go of your Audrey so unnaturally soon. My prayers are still with you. Thank you for stretching me as a Christian.

  • Honea Household

    You are such a good writer, Angie. And the Lord is using you to speak to me and to so many others.

    Praying for you.
    Love,
    Ashley

  • christi28

    your words always touch my heart. just like the Lord gave them to you just for me. thank you so much for listening to Him.

    praying always for you and your family.

    blessings ~

  • LaVon Baker

    Because you are touching lives for the Kingdom of God through your pain, through your loss, through your drawing near to God, through your faith, through your complete trust. God is using you in a way that you will never know fully this side of Heaven. My heart and soul are full of praise to the Lamb of God, because of your surrender to Him and how He delights in You. It’s a thing of scandalous beauty that only the God of Moses could orchestrate.

  • Marie

    Thank you for ministering to me today.

  • seth

    Dearest Angie, As I read your words today, a line from an old hymn (of which I can’t remember the name at this moment) came to my mind and I wanted to just share it with you: “Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand, but I know who holds tomorrow (or the past or future) and I know HE holds my hand.” Isn’t this awesome. There are so many things we don’t understand, but the encouraging thing is that we don’t have to. If we understood everything in life fully, we would be God (boy, am I glad this is not the case :) Ha!). What would make us (His creation) different from our creator if we always got it? I find it helpful to thank Him for having all understanding, it takes the pressure off of me to think that I need to understand (or control). Let me encourage you with one last thing: “Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own UNDERSTANDING! Proverbs 3:5. Angie, again thanks so much for your encouragement! This blog today helped me see Moses’ mother in a different light. What a wonderful example of giving our fears to Jesus, Huh?! I struggle with fear, when it comes to my children, and I know that God will use this to help me trust Him more. I love you sister and can’t wait to meet you some day! sincerely, Anya from Port Washington, WI.

  • The Kaufmann Krew

    Angie-
    if i knew you, i know we would be friends. you are just a blessing. the Lord has deepened and strengthened my walk with Him through Audrey’s life and story. Blessed be the name of the Lord!

  • Hope Wilson

    My mom, her friend & I just had a similar conversation today…about how important it is to thank God for our trials & remember that He uses them to stregthen us & bring us closer to Him; however painful & especially when it doesn't make sense to our human brains & emotions & seems unfair! Angie, I pray that you feel His arms wrapped around you & His love for you especially as your heart aches. Thanks for continuing to share about your precious Audrey! I am proud of you for staying true to your faith & belief in Christ through this devastating loss…

  • Tammy

    You are an amazing woman. Thank you for sharing your words of heart with us today. It was what I needed to hear. I continue to pray for you.

  • seth

    p.s. I’m not sure if this is an appropriate comment to leave right here, but when you were talking about anxiety and fear it reminded me, I just finished a book by Focus on the Family called “Blue Genes” by Dr. Paul Meier. This book really helped me understand how our creator made our minds and how awesome the brain is. It also helped me see how not only do we suffer physically from the fall, but our minds suffer as well. It really helped me, since I have some blue “genes” in my family that have been passed down to me. Anyway, I highly recommend it to everyone! Anya Meeks

  • Julie

    Angie, thank you for being so vulnerable. EVery single word you write is cherished by me. Thank you thank you thank you.

    I really needed to hear that. I want you to know you are very understood…..

    Julie
    sacramento

  • Michelle Bentham

    Oh Angie,

    I wept aloud at your story of that angry cry from your heart about “Where were You, God?”

    I didn’t have an identical moment, but I had a moment – a couple of them after my son died. 1.) about a month after his death, we had concluded business with insurance companies and I found myself in the possession of a very generous sum of money and very little related to Justin’s final expenses to do with it. It made me angry – and, I wanted to know how my son’s death from injuries suffered in a car accident were an answer to the prayer I had been praying – Philippians 1:6 and how it was an answer to my prayer for God to bless my family. We had indeed received a blessing, but it did not feel like one. The cost was so high – And, gently as my fingers clutched the check in one hand and the steering wheel with the other, as my heart ached beyond word’s expresssion, and as I stared at the blaring red light keeping me from rushing to bank and ridding myself of the awful blessing… I heard it in the still, quiet recesses of my mind… “I completed the good work I began in him the day he came home to heaven.”

    A few months later a traveling family of muscisians came and ministered at our church. Their family is amazing and they had been there before. They have a now adult daughter who is significantly disabled because she drowned as a toddler and was brought back to life. Precious barely speaks but has been to college and learned to sign – she signs to the songs her family sings – which is sooo beautiful. I wept bittersweet tears that day in church. As another mother, familiar with the loss of a child, crept up behind me, looped her arms around my neck and said, “I know why you’re crying. You are asking God why did they get a miracle and I didn’t.”

    We had seen miracles – a boy with similar injuries to my son who was riding in the same car awoke and is rehabilitated. Another young man from our church was all but dead in the ER when we saw him after he rolled his car 100s of feet into a field near our church one Sunday afternoon. He walked out of the hospital under his own power one week later and into our church that very next Sunday morning.

    I am certain of so much about my God and my son – including this… I am convinced that my son, for whatever reason was given to me for 17 years, 5 months, 12 days, 3 hours, and 18 minutes. He lived his life fully – though he did not experience everything that life offers… no marriage or high school graduation. He had no prom or high school sweetheart. He never attended college or will have a child of his own to love… but He has the love of His Father around Him, keeping Him safely and whole until I find my way home in God’s perfect time. God’s glory and His comfort are enough for me now… though it has not always been so.

    You have written beautifully, and your tears are the reflection of the depth of your love.

    I would realize later, that the message of Luke 11′s story of Lazarus is true of my son – it did two things – it revealed God’s glory in ways I could have never possibly imagined, and it left in me a desire to live fully and completely and most only for the will of God. I am nearing three years since my son’s death and looking to God in so many ways.

    Your Audrey has a legacy and you and your family are building it one story, one teardrop and one broken heart at a time.

    I’m praying for you.

    Blessings.

    Blessings to you sweet friend.

    Love to YOU!

  • vaneblu

    Once again this blog has changed me

  • Daron and Theresa

    I sat and read your post with the tears pouring down my face. Your blog is such a blessing to me and my family! We pray for you and your family (and extended family) every single day and though we haven’t met in person, we have met “in Christ”. Please dont stop, your blog is such an outreach to people all over the world! It has certainly brought our family closer in our walk with the Lord. May God bless and keep you!
    In Christ,
    Daron, Theresa, Kate and Hannah Patton in Virginia

  • Robin

    Dear Angie…in writing a post for my own blog today, God brought to my mind this truth “I never waste a hurt!”. While I too am journeying through a difficult time right now, albeit different, once again I am encouraged and feel so divinely loved when He shares truths like this with me! What an awesome, personal God He is and oh how He loves us imperfect, fleshly children! :) God bless you, friend, as He continues to carry you through this part of your journey.

  • Amanda

    Beautiful post, Angie. I’ve struggled with loving when it doesn’t make sense too by my standards. I praise God that He doesn’t love me that way. I am so thankful for His unconditional love and His promise to bring good of all things.

  • Lynn

    Did you stop cold turkey? Maybe tapering off is better? Praying that the Lord will bless your desire to be off the meds and will calm your fears! I had a major panic attack once in my life and oh my…..my heart feels for you!
    Keep your eyes on the Lord!
    Psalms 5:3 My voice shalt thou hear in the morning, O LORD; in the morning will I direct my prayer unto thee, and will look up.
    Prayer Bears

  • emma’s nana

    You have been a great servant to our Saviour. My heart cannot fathom your suffering, but my heart can lift you up to the Lord. Thank you so much for your witness, and I will continue to pray for your sweet family.

  • Samantha

    you should write a book- you’d be so great at it, seriously! Thanks for your great post!

  • BusyBee

    You write amazing things that touch the lives of more than you know!

  • Monica

    This is beautiful. Thank you for sharing so much of your heart as you cling to God.

  • KE II

    Angie, thanks so much for writing so honestly what God puts on your heart. I can’t tell you how encouraging it is to share with you, it’s amazing how He talks to us and the different people and means he uses to do that. I’m very encouraged from your message… I just LOVE the story of Moses and it such a great reminder of who is really in control.

  • Joshs_Rebekah

    Hi Angie,

    I don’t post much, but I read every post as soon as it comes up (thru Google Reader).

    I have a sister. She is adopted. While her birth mother carried her, she was on crack (literally), and Christin came 15 weeks early as 25 weeks. Christin, along with suffering from withdrawal from the drugs, ended up with retinopathy due to prematurity. Basically, her retinas became detached. Back in ’85, they didn’t have the hi-tech surgeries enabling them to operate and reattach the retinas. Over time, the scar tissue that grew back there severely mangled her retinas to the point that they will never be able to be fixed. She is blind…period.

    My Mom took Christin to many healing services – the whole 9 yards. It basically ended with my Mom being told she did not have enough faith for Christin to be healed! (Grrr!!!)

    We were attending an Assemblies church at the time. The pastor had a son my age who also had been born premature. The only “problem” was, he was absolutely fine! There was not one thing wrong with him! My Mom was sad and heartbroken. Why would God want to keep Christin blind, and let Jimmy walk around free from all cares of prematurity?!?!? Didn’t God love Christin?

    After Mom threw her fit, she heard from God. He said that He could reach more people with Christin being blind, than He could if she could see and was perfectly healthy.

    Think of it, Angie. Just look at how many people you get to reach, and be a part of their lives, because Audrey is no longer here on earth…simply by looking at how many people respond to your posts. I am sure there are times you would rather say, “Hang everybody else, I want to hold my sweet baby girl!” I can understand that, and I would be the first to step out of the way to let you hold her.

    Have you ever gone to YouTube and just typed in Audrey Caroline? Your video is surrounded by many babies births, and deaths. Just think of how many of those thousands of people who have seen your video…just stumbled upon it on day, randomly clicking on videos to watch!

    God is using you, Angie. Thank you for hurting, so that God can reach us!

    Rebekah Larson
    larsonlog.blogspot.com

  • Ginger

    I am praying for you, Grace He will give you to keep walking this journey. Just like Moses impacted hundreds and hundreds of lives, Audrey is as well, that might not help but your little girl has impacted more lives then some who live to be 100. Your story and sharing have impacted me. Thank you.

  • Jill

    Beautiful post today, Angie. I too, cry when I watch cartoons! I cry when I watch certain commercials on TV!!! :) I also cry every time I read your posts. They move me so deeply. You are truly God’s instrument; so is Audrey, who continues to fufill His purpose. So amazing! Much love.

  • hinesight

    This post, like many others, was just absolutely beautiful. You have a tremendous gift with your writing. I come here hoping to find a word of encouragement, and I’m not disappointed. You are a breath of fresh air and I always walk away so encouraged by what you’ve shared.

    I pray for your family often.

  • Stephanie

    As one of those that have drawn closer to my Jesus because of your story, my heart aches extra hard for you. Thank you for continuing to share your story and your heart with us. Your family is in my prayers daily.

  • Billie

    God sent you just for me. Thank you.

  • Cindy-Still His Girl

    I’ve thought of Jochebed a lot; incredulous at her faith to place the baby in the water. Incredulous at her strength and pain to have him returned only a little while and then to hand him back over to another family. She surely must have grown and stretched and been such a testimony.

    You are like her, and your strength and testimony are so incredibly beautiful. I have no doubt people are finding Him through you.

    Praying right now that God releases you from any anxiety problems and gives you great peace today.

  • Amy

    I once heard, “‘if we knew the answer to the question ‘why’, we would have no need for God.”

  • Cortney

    Thank you for letting God speak through you.

  • The Butcher Family

    Thank you…

    Love~ Rebecca

  • Peas on Earth

    Thank you for sharing your heart, Angie. I am so grateful that our God can handle our anger, and that he longs to enfold us in his arms of grace when we are worn out from ranting.

    Your emotions in this post made me think of that new book, The Shack. I am not usually one to read things that seem to be “all the rage” (yep, there’s a rebel in me), but I did pick this one up after the recommendations of many friends. It is hard to read at first because a child loses her life, but they had told me in advance, “if you can get past the first 80 pages it changes.” They were right.

    Eugene Peterson says that this book has the potential to do for this generation what Pilgrim’s Progress did for that one. I believe he’s right.

    God bless you!
    Love and prayers, sharon

  • Jamie

    Thank you for your words today!

  • THAT GIRL

    To Angie…your entry has God breathed words.

    “A rule I have had for years is: to treat the Lord Jesus Christ as a personal friend. His is not a creed, a mere doctrine, but it is He Himself we have.”– D.Moody

    I believe that He could have saved your daughter, and mine as well.
    And, he didn’t.
    And it hurts so very bad.
    My grief lingers, I miss her. I want to smell her hair. I want to lay her on my chest and feel her baby breaths on my neck. But, we can’t do that… the papyrus basket didn’t drift back to us.

    But I still believe and trust that He knows the plan for us… all is layed out ever so perfectly… with us in mind… well… because the Bible tells me so.

    Many waters cannot quench love, nor rivers drown it.

    Because of His perfect love, our discontent can be the cutting edge of growth.

    There’s measurable joy to be discovered and rebirthed out of our loss. A broken bone is always the strongest at the site at which it healed. Measure your joys, keep track, witness strength emerge with the healing.

    I feel your pain and loss, your anxieties, your total trust in God’s promises to you.

    God knows. (I sing this to myself, especially with anxiety, fear, or depair)

    God knows.

    I promise to you, God knows.

    ~E
    http://fromeverlastingtoeverlasting.blogspot.com/

  • GratefulinGA

    God bless you for pouring out your heart. You express it all so well. Yes, He sees, knows and controls the greater story.

    I’m so grateful He really understands the depth of our pain and our longing to have our children back. I feel certain Jochebed struggled with all these issues and more, she was a mother after all.

  • Michelle

    Angie, your words are from God himself. I am simply amazed everyday how you can be so faithful after all that has happened in your life. Thank you for your encouragement. You inspire me to be a better servant of God. I appreciate you and your family. You are in my prayers.

  • Sandy

    Every time I read your words Angie, the lyrics of Carole King’s song “Where You Lead” float through my head.
    “Where you lead, I will follow
    Anywhere that you tell me to
    If you need, you need me to be with you
    I will follow where you lead”
    You are leading me and so many on an incredible journey. Your words impact me like I’ve never experienced before. You have lead me to want to experience the love of God as you have experienced it.
    Where you lead me, I will follow.

  • Christine

    Angie,

    You dont know me but I was brought to your site by another. I read it everyday. I lost my mother 13 months ago. Your words touch me so deeply. You are truly an amazing person.

    (((Hugs)))

    Christine

  • Kayla Grace

    Angie, I love you. You are absolutely amazing, and I am so proud to say that we are sisters in Christ. Though we may never meet here on earth, I pray that someday in Heaven we rejoice together when your family is with your loved ones again.

    Thank you for this entry. You have no idea how much it meant to read.

    In Him,
    Kayla

  • Coach J

    Found you though a link at BooMama’s and I’m so glad I came over.
    Very, very well written and expressed from your precious heart. God is doing something in you and your family. I pray blessings and strength over you today.

  • Samantha

    Dearest Angie,

    Please know that choosing to trust Him to love Him and to give Him your worship through the anger and the pain will reap the sweetest reward for you in the years to come as He does heal your hurt. I speak from 11 years of experience.

    My Samuel was stillborn only 3 1/2 weeks prior to his due date. There has never been an answer or reason why. It was a vicious vaginal delivery and my body took several weeks to heal before I returned to public outings, and of course, they were the last place I wanted to be. The first Sunday my husband and I returned to church all the hymns were about heaven and the preacher was on his 2nd week of an 8 week series on death. It took every ounce of will power between the both of us not to stand up and walk out of the sanctuary that day. I, too, believed (and still do) that God could have saved my baby if He had but chosen to. I do not know why Craig and I were sent through the Valley at only 24 and 26 years of age. I can testify to you at the top of my lungs that even when we don’t understand, He is faithful! I still can’t find God’s hand in our experience, but I trust He was there. He never allowed me to be overtaken by my grief and He strengthened my marriage from a situation that often rips marriages apart.

    I am sorry this is so very long. I had just found your site and read it from beginning to end the day of Luke’s death. I had been preparing a comment until I read that post and all my words were sucked away. Too many tears.

    I have been praying for you and Nicol so very often since. May God comfort you both and your husbands this day and all the days to come until you hold your children again.

  • Cindy

    I’ve just recently found your blog. You have a ministry dear Angie, and you are touching the hearts of all who enter the sacred space you have created here. I was struck by the sense and presence of healing that I felt in this space. A good friend of mine who recently transitioned out of this world was fond of saying, “It’s all about the love.” I believe you are being led by God to touch and heal lives, including your own, with your story and you are following that calling with faith, courage, and love.

  • goinkad

    You don’t know me but I have been reading your blog for a month or so. As tears are streaming down my cheeks you have reminded me there is hope when I thought there was none! When I was at the end of my rope, you reminded me there is more rope and my God is holding the other end. Thank you for your words

  • Bittersweet

    Angie,
    This story takes me to Hebrews 11:13. “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.”

    Continue to live by faith…

    Love,
    Kim

  • txmomx6

    Thank you, Angie. You wrote what is in my heart and in my mind at times. There are times when I hear God has healed someone that my mind screams, “Why not MY husband?! What were You thinking?! You’ve left me with 6 children and no father!!” And it always comes down to I don’t know. But I know He was, is and will always be here. Even when I’m angry, depressed and questioning. He loves me still.
    Janine

  • Heather

    My heart swells with love for you everytime I read a post. You are loved and prayed for more than you could know.

  • surfmomma4

    Dear Angie, your grief overwhelmems me as does your faith. I have a suggestion. I know that most Christians feel it is wrong to talk to Mary the Mother of God, they feel they are worshiping her. I believe that Jesus gave her to us as a mother from the cross. But I know that if you talk to her heart as one mother to another..she will help you. She has seen it all, including watching her Son die. In that respect you have a lot in common. So if you feel so moved I pray that you will ask her to help you..and I will also..God bless you..Susan

  • Michelle Morgan

    Angie,
    Once again, thank you so much for your willingness to share! I used to find the Old Testament so intimidating and not practical to life today, but recentley have been compelled to delve into it. I read about 15 chapters of Job on Saturday and for the first time felt what the term means when people say that they were thirsty and couldn’t “drink up” God’s word fast enough. Thank you so much for encouraging me on my walk with Him!
    Much love,
    Your sister in Christ,
    Michelle

  • JT

    That was beautiful. I came over from BooMama, and let me tell you, I’m glad I did.

    I, too, have dealt with tremendous loss, and just last year after the birth of my 4th child, had paralyzing anxiety, which I had never had before. Depression, yes. Anxiety, no.

    I don’t understand why God allows some things and not others, because I, too believe He could change things.

    But I also understand that I don’t know what the eternal picture looks like. I can only see me–my life. So I have to think that the eternal picture is like a tapestry, and although I can only see my little green strand, I fully believe that God is using that green strand to weave a beautiful picture. I can’t see it now. But someday I will.

  • www.antiquemommy.com

    Breathtaking. Beautifully expressed.

  • Miscellaneous From Missy

    Yes.

  • Kimberly

    Thank-you, Angie, for sharing. How beautiful your words are, because they reflect the face of Christ.

  • Creekermom

    Angie, One thing about the meds is that it is best to WEAN off of them. You may experience some side effects and withdrawal symptoms and I will be praying that God gives you wisdom in this area and for you to do what is best for you and your family.

    Your words today, touch me deep in my soul. I hope and pray that the Lord blesses you the way you have abundantly blessed all of us.

    Thank you for being so faithful as it is ALL FOR HIS GLORY.

  • The Jones Family

    Angie,

    I believe that when you get to Heaven, you will be surrounded by people…people that have come to know Christ through your story…people that God saved, because you were, and continue to be, obedient to Him. Angie, I can only imagine how hard this must be for you…for your family. Your strength can only come from God, and that is such a great testimony. God bless you for sharing it.

  • 80smoviemama

    I am alwasy amazed at your capacity to inspire and have faith when you have been through so much hurt. I am not as faithful as you so you remind me to to turn to Jesus when I need help.

    Thank you.

  • Catherine

    Thank you for writing this entry. It has been a long time since I have made it to church, and I enjoyed reading your “sermon.”

  • Reformed Grits

    Thank you for sharing this. I don’t know how so soon you can wrap your thoughts around this, with faith. In less than a week, we will “celebrate” 3 years since the birth of our son who died at 17 weeks and I still get so angry and raw that I want to hit something… and then I have moments of rest. I found your story today from Boomama’s and I had actually posted the first part of my son’s story on my blog today so “providential” timing.
    Blessings to you,
    kim

  • 6 Bottelberghe’s

    WOW!!! Thank you for your words! I am struggling with my faith and walk with Christ, but came to a breaking point just last week. I have made it a point to open my bible daily and to pray alone daily and what profound things that the Lord has done for me. I am humbled by His faithfulness to me even when I am not “completely in it”. Your post spoke right to my heart! Thank you again for sharing your life with all of us!

    Cathi

  • MoziEsmé

    Thank you. I needed this especially today.

  • Bernard Shuford

    Wow. God bless you.

    My thoughts…

  • dlyn

    Sometimes, I have to put off reading your blog until I know that no one else is going to be around for awhile and until I don’t have other demands coming up right away. It hits me so hard every time I come here. Praying for you to have victory over the anxiety. Praying for you and Todd and for the Sponbergs.

  • Nancy

    Prior to reading your post I had just gotten off the phone with a good friend. We were talking about a particular struggle we’re currently facing. It’s nothing like your struggle, not nearly as heart wrenching. Her words to me were “just leave it alone. God will take care of it”. And then we talked about the scripture ..”the Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still.” And then I sit down and read your post. Amazing how God works.

  • Annie

    I couldn’t help but notice y’alls similar situations. I don’t know if you have read this blog before, but this post especially seems very applicable. I pray the Lord’s continued comfort and love to surround you daily. http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/07/21/gods-purposes-and-our-pain/

  • Holly

    http://riggsbunch.blogspot.com/2008/07/please-pray-for-abby.html

    This family has amazing faith…I pray that other readers will see this comment and check out how they handled the news that their sweet 3 yr. old might be going Hom much sooner than expected. Truly, the Lord is MORE than ABLE to heal His Children…but sometimes, His ways are just not our own…. This family listed some reasons WHY God was possibly allowing this trial…
    Blessings to you as you continue to seek His face in the midst of your own storm.
    Holly

  • annaelyse

    although my pain is NO where near yours. these words are EXACTLY what i needed to hear. specifically about God being trusting and faithful-because sometimes he doesn’t feel that way to me. so thank you for being a vessel for him to speak to me. OH ex 14:14 is one of my favorite vs of all time. again. no accident. grace and peace!
    anna

  • Tim E

    Amen! Angie, you are such a great communicator of God’s message. You continue to inspire me (and countless others) with your strength through faith. My God continue to bless you and your family!

  • Beverly

    Hi Angie, I just spenta little while writing and somehow it got lost so here we go again. I too suffered from anxiety attacks actually since I was about ten years old ( when my Father started sexually abusing me). By the time I was in my twenties I was a mess. I could barely function I was hospitalised but I have never taken medicine. I felt so out of control that I was terrified of what the medicine would make me feel like. Once I came to know the lord I found that certain verses that spoke about anxiety if I prayed them when I was feeling anxious took them away, 1 Peter 5-7 really helped. “Cast all your anxiety on me because I care for you”. Panic attacks have ran in our family for generations but this bondage has now been broken. Fear is not from God. Reciting scripture takes the fear away. Twenty five years later I have never had a single attack. God is good!!!

    Angie, I too used to ask “Why” “Why Lord did yo not do anything all those years that my Dad was abusing me?” I will tell you Why because God used what was meant for evil later He turned it into Good. I think of Romans 8:28 And we know that in ALL things God works for the GOOD of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose. Angie, all these years later the pain that I suffered has been turned inito unspeakable JOY. God has me right where he can use me for His glory! I spend my life telling teenage sexually abused girls who are in prison about a Father that LOVES them and will never leave them. I tell them of a love that will heal them and restore them and set them FREE. WHY does He use me and why did he allow it? because… I KNOW their pain. I have lived it, not forgotten it, forgiven over it. TRUST HIM!!!

  • Jennifer

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your faith and love are amazing. You inspire and comfort so many people. I’m sorry you’ve had to endure so much, but thank you for sharing and helping complete strangers.
    Much love and prayers to you and yours,
    Jen P

  • Amy

    I check to see what you have written some many times a day. God speaks to me through you and you are just amazing. This is a wonderful story. Thank you. I’m still praying for you.

  • Trudi

    Angie,
    I just read this posting and wanted to tell you – I thought of you this morning when I read a newsletter article sent out by Crosswalk Women – it was called Dry Times, Dark Times (Donnetta Cole) – and may be encouraging to you. I thought your faith through the dark times was an excellent illustration of what the author was saying, actually!

    I remember Beth Moore talking about Moses and how his mother did what she could – she coated the ark with pitch – that word can also mean “atonement”! – and pitch was also a crocodile deterrent. Moms do what they can…even in adverse circumstances…and then trust God with the rest.

  • Dorothy Bowen Klass

    One time I heard Jill Biscoe speak and she said sometimes we get God and life mixed up. God is always there but we live in a fallen world. She said when you go through difficult times Jesus looks unfamiliar as when the disciples thought He was a ghost during the storm. Jesus is there but you don’t recognize Him. Your faith is being developed in the dark room.
    Praying for you,
    Dorothy

  • bransblahg

    I’m mostly a lurker here but I read this today on another blog and thought you would understand it….

    “I don’t like God’s process, in fact sometimes I think it stinks – but I totally trust him – and once you develop that total trust, nothing else matters.”

    This was said by a husband at his wife’s burial yesterday. On some level, we can all relate.

  • Jennifer O’Cain

    I have followed your blog for some time but have never posted. It has blessed me in many ways and today is no different. See yesterday something sparked the memories and hurt for me and it has been over four years since I lost my baby girl. Your words are such an encouragement and help me feel better. You help me to see things in a different light, you help me to keep my eyes on Jesus. Thank You. I am praying for you.

  • Sockrma18

    WOW…I was sent your link by a friend yesterday who said…” I DARE you to read this without crying”…I lost the dare. You are AMAZING and so very inspiring. My heart breaks for you at the loss of your child and rejoices at the same time because you know Jesus as your redeemer. I can’t imagine going through what you are going through, but doing it without the peace and comfort that only our God gives would be completely unbearable. You are an excellent writer…May God continue to bless you and show you His unwaivering love and peace.

  • Anne

    Thank you for this reflection.
    From pain and faith comes insight.
    My insight from the Moses story has often been touched by the part of the story that tells us that his mother “saw that he was no ordinary child”.
    I have breathed these words about my own, special needs, son in times when I have need God to show me His purpose.
    I pray that God will show you that Audrey , no ordinary child, has a purpose that bring Him glory.
    Painful though. Anne
    onegirlfriday.blogspot.com

  • Grateful for Grace

    It seems the LORD has not abandoned me. In my head, I knew he hasn’t and will never, but I’m at the lowest point I’ve ever been in my life and it’s how I feel emotionally.
    Your post is straight from Him to me (sorry if you thought it was for something else Ü).
    I have to push my baby through the reeds and trust God with the rest. The symbolism and truth that he is three months old right now is not lost on me. My God is speaking to my heart and it is breaking it at the same time.

    Thank you for sharing.
    I am praying for you and yours.

  • Bob and Cindy Cole

    Sometimes I think, “Lord, you want me to turn to you in my grief when you could’ve saved my baby and changed it all?” The answer is “Yes.” Yes, I will trust you Lord. Who else in heaven do I have but you? You are good….all the time.

  • The Ben Show

    Thank you. You truly moved me today. And I am so happy to know I am not the only one who cried at Cars.

  • Lauren Kelly

    Angie- your blogs always seem to be so timely. It’s always what I need to hear at the exact moment I need to hear it. You’re such a blessing!!

  • ryanandjessicaepp

    Outside of all the amazing hats you wear, you are an amazingly talented author. Your words are raw, well spoken, real, and capture my attention. God is using you in a mighty way! I can’t wait to see where God takes your family because of your precious story and open heart.

  • Raelyn

    WOW! 220 comments. I usually figure why bother leaving a comment when there are so many it will just get lost in the pile. But I just feel your words so much each time I read them. It is as though we share the same pain through our losses.Your words are what I feel but am unable to express in words. I miss my babies so much. And I wish so badly that I had them here with me. But I stand by God because I trust in him that he is always right by me. Only he knows what is best for me.
    Thank you!

  • weevilmaw

    I went off my anxiety meds a year ago in May. I did well until we discovered my mom had cancer in March and she began treatment in May. At that point I went back to the temper, the crying, the flying of the handle, the scatterbrained, and forgetful. Sooo, I am back on the meds. And I am a better me, more the me I want to be.

    And this post, as most of yours are, is beautiful and poignant and wise. Thank you. You are amazing.

  • Andrea

    Thank you Angie for continuing to share your heart. Each time I read your postings, it encourages me in my walk with God.

    Are you open to sharing more about your anxiety – where it stems from, how God has shown Himself throught the experience, etc.? My sister is in the midst of this battle along with postpartum depression. I imagine many others are walking that valley as well. Perhaps your story will shine beacon of light and renew hope in God that He will deliver them from it.

    In Christ,
    Andrea

  • Stacy

    Angie-I have been praying for you and reading your post daily. As a mommy who also had to let my son go into the arms of Jesus at an early age (almost 4 months old), almost 6 years ago….I, so , understand your pain… and the questions.

    Thank you for your transparency and for sharing your faith and love in Jesus Christ with so many. As for the whys? After 6 years, I can say this about the pain…..God takes that which is broken, that which is painful….and makes it beautiful for His glory!

    Why does He have to use our children to accomplish His purposes? I don’t know, other than the fact that all is HIS. And He doesn’t leave us without hope….for our hope is in Jesus Christ and knowing that we will be with our precious babies again someday. My peace rests in the fact that my son is now perfect and whole, feeling no pain and sitting in the presence of Jesus….with Audrey!

    God is doing a work, HIS work, in and through you….you are a blessing to me and so many….thank you! May you be comforted and strenghtened in the Lord on those days when Satan brings in doubt, fear and uncertainty. We cling to Jesus together to continue to heal us and make us beautiful, not on the outside, but on the inside!

    I love this verse from Isaiah:

    “to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness: that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.” Isaiah 61:3

    In Christ’s love-Stacy

  • Carolyn

    I love the story of Moses, thank you. You and your lovely family have been on my mind and in my prayers since I started reading months ago. I would really like to know what edition of the Bible you love the most…I will be reading it from cover to cover for my “list” (explained on my blog) and would love one that is easy to read, not too obscure and more of a Bible-Study format. Any ideas???

  • pakosta

    you are an amazing writer. and your words speak to me and make me want to know the Lord even more and to walk even closer with Him each day….HUGS>
    tara

  • Quinn’s Journey

    I would love for your religion to make sense to me. I would love to be able to verify that what you say is truth, but I can’t.

    I was raised as a Christian and I disengaged from the religion as an adolescent because I could not find any truth in it. It’s easy for those who are religious to say, “Well, just believe!” It isn’t in my nature to believe without proof. Faith, to me, is the basest betrayal to human intellect. I am an Atheist. Christianity can only ever be a mildly analgesic fairy tale for me.

    When I observe followers of Christianity in the media, I see hypocrisy, excess, and an incredible amount of violence done towards those whom they disagree with. In politics, I see the politicians who claim to believe in it making decisions that are contrary to the health, dignity, rights, and financial stability of the people they serve. In my personal life, I must deal with discrimination on a daily basis at the hands of those who fear and hate me, and who view me as a second class or an incomplete person, for no other reason than that I am an atheist, and because they were taught to do so by their pastors. When I read through the Bible (and I have several times), I see story after story revolving around senseless violence.

    Many Christians I’ve met in the workplace or simply when I’m out and about and the subject comes up treat those who can’t or won’t convert and live the lifestyle they approve of with verbal or physical violence, at the worst, and disdain at the very best. That attitude permeated my childhood church. The goal was to convert, and if that couldn’t be managed, why waste any more time on the person? It even says as much in the Bible: “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14)

    This is how I am viewed. I am viewed as evil and wicked simply because I do not choose to subscribe to a religion. All of the volunteer work I do, the strays I care for who would otherwise die, the lack of judgement I show towards others even as I am constantly judged, and the kind and caring person I truly am do not matter. To Christianity and its followers, I am nothing but a degenerate.

    Over my lifetime, I have met only a couple of handfuls of Christians who are capable of simply accepting me as I am, without attempting at least once to proselytize. I am fortunate to work with one or two such people, and they are a rarity here in Oklahoma.

    I can’t personally (and I do not pass any judgment on anyone who does) see the sense in being Christian, or in subscribing to any religion. It isn’t for me. To me, it’s more important to be truthful to my own 5 senses and to a scientific, verifiable understanding of the world around me. That, to me, is more beautiful and meaningful than anything that can happen within the walls of a cathedral. I remember how seductive the appeal of religious thought is, and how comforting it can be from the inside looking out. I remember too how difficult it was to extract myself from my dependence on it, but I’m glad I did. To do otherwise would not be truthful to myself, and I’ve learned a great deal looking inwards from the outside.

    I guess the whole point of this very long reply that I’ve just spent the last hour typing is this: As inspiring as the story of your daughter’s life and death was (and it was!), it didn’t change anything for me. It came close, closer than anything has in a long time, but in the end I simply had to step back and realize that anything I was feeling was an emotional response to the very real tragedies of your life.

    I hope you can take something from me and my experiences as well. Please realize that the Atheists and the Agnostics and the Buddhists and the Pagans and every other social group that doesn’t happen to be Christian are real, multidimensional, sentient, individual people who are interconnected with the world around them and who laugh and love as you do and who are simply walking the paths they have been given and are dealing with their lives, their hardships and their joys in the ways that are best for them just as you are. For the most part, we just want to be treated with dignity and acceptance and respect, and we certainly don’t want to be treated as though we should be anything other than what we already are. True, there will be people who will want to convert to your religion. But they will find you. Christians can do good work simply by being an example of the best that Christianity and indeed any religion or group or individual person can strive to become-loving, gentle, noninvasive, giving, accepting (not simply tolerant) of the differences of others, and truly nonjudgmental.

    Quinn

  • Lynn

    Thanks Angie. I really needed to read these words today.

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • D & A

    i really needed that reminder. thank you!

  • Crystal

    Angie,
    Today I was having a BAD day. I am taking a new position at work and only have 7 days to train with the guy before he leaves. He left early today and so did the secretary which left me doing 3 jobs. I have been feeling VERY stressed and today I was feeling overwhelmed, like I couldn’t take ti anymore. All of the sudden rain came pouring down. I was reminded that he was with me. I felt him and it calmed me. I have you to thank for that because I never would have experienced that if you hadn’t brought me closer to him with Audrey’s story and your words. Thank you. Really, thank you.

    Love,
    Crystal
    LaGrange,Ga

  • KK

    Thanks for sharing your heart with so much compassion and honesty. We continue to lift your family in prayer for peace of mind and 'calm within' for you to "Be Still & Know…"
    Blessings always.
    With His Amazing & Everlasting Love,
    Kaye
    Psalm 46:10

  • Emily

    Oh, Amen and Amen and Amen, sweet sister. I have already done the Stepping Up study, although I missed most of the meetings because of mandatory classes to foster/adopt, and loved working through the workbook on my own. But I’m telling you, with every entry you write, I am tempted to make the hour long trek to Nashville to do it again with you, dear friend following this same path of grief and unanswered questions, with a heart filled with both tears and sadness… holding tightly to hope and faith in the Lord like me as we fail to understand His plan for our babies, but somehow continue to trust it with everything in us. As surely as the Lord lead Moses from the basket to the throne, He is leading us from these waters. Thank you for sharing your heart and touching mine.

  • Jenn

    What a powerful message you have shared! This was EXACTLY what I needed to hear today. Thank you for being so honest about your struggles and yet your faith continues to grow.

  • Dallas and Amylee

    Please don’t say that we won’t meet. We will. You will meet everyone that you have touched, and that has touched you. “How great shall be your joy if you should bring many souls unto Me.” I wish I knew the reference for the scripture and the exact wording, but I don’t. I just know it’s true. Our joy will be great.

  • Jenny

    You continue to bless my life with your words. They have a way of expressing what I cannot even attempt to verbalize. Thank you for that, and for opening my heart to a relationship with the Lord.

  • Nen

    there’s nothing i could say that probably hasn’t already been said (so many comments!!)… but i am glad i stopped by your blog today in the midst of my own craziness.

    i’d like to encourage you in your having gone off the meds…. i also was on anti-anxiety medication and i would have horrible side effects when trying to break free—but i am free… and i know you will be too!

  • Staci Mullins

    All I can say is thank you for sharing your journey and for so boldly glorifying the Lord in the midst of your saddness. Crystal Lewis’ song Beauty for Ashes keeps running through my head.
    He gives beauty for ashes
    Strength for fear
    Gladness for mourning
    Peace for despair
    I hope this is true for you and your family.

  • Carrie

    I was meant to read this today. I was meant to read this right now. As I have been struggling with my faith and we (husband and I) are now having to make a decision that will most likely have us stepping out in faith, reading this was God’s perfect timing. I thank you for sharing your thoughts and I thank God for using you to talk to me.

  • theartsymom

    thank you – I needed these words today.

  • Amanda

    I get so excited when I see a new post on your blog. I know I’m in for something that is going to touch my soul in the absolute deepest places. Thank you for being so open and real. Look how many of us can relate to you in so many ways… I’m going through such a deep valley right now and your words bring me so much comfort. I know you’re hurting too, but how you stay so strong in your faith is just so beautiful. You are in my prayers daily and thank you for letting God use your life and your story to bless so many people. Your sister in Christ, Amanda

  • Brandi

    thank you for posting this. i’ve had an bad day (just when you think it can’t get worse…it does) and was feeling so alone–until i saw these words..

    He has not abandoned us

    i’ve been wrestling with my faith for several months now–but i know that it is satan trying to draw me futher away from God than i already am. i know God is there, but today it felt like me against the world i’m trying, but like it is for everyone, it is a struggle.

    thank you for allowing all of us to become part of your journey.

  • LaurenH

    I think I remember you writing once how you don’t edit, you just write what’s in you AND I just wanted to say, what an amazing talent you have.

    God has given you such a wonderful ability to speak to us! I cannot imagine reaching people the way you are with your words. The way you break down the gospel and speak so eloquently about your personal walk and your faith are beautiful.

    I appreciate that you reach through your pain and experiences to speak to us and minister to us.

    MANY MANY blessings upon you and your’s. I feel so blessed to have found your site. Your words make me feel closer to The Lord I Love. THANK YOU

  • Linda

    It has been a painful day and your words spill like refreshing water. Thank you for encouraging others through your own pain Angie.
    This is a process, this journey of life, and He is using everything to accomplish in us what He deems best. And He loves us so very much.

  • Colette

    Sometimes Angie when I read one of your entries it will be so freakily relevant to me that I’ll literally pick up my phone to ring you or text you like I do my friends when something excites me and I just have to tell them straight away – that’s how close to you I feel. Funny isn’t it!? Right now I’m following Crosswalk’s ‘Bible in a Year’ and I’m sorry to say I haven’t been reading everyday like I planned (and wanted to) so I’ve fallen a little behind, right now I’m just beginning Exodus.

    Sometimes when I speak to you I think, ‘Should I say this!? Do I even have any right to comment on something I have never experienced?! – I don’t know how it is to love a child, let alone experience the horror of losing one.’, today I’m just going to put my inhibitions aside and type what my heart is crying out for me to say.

    He did fight for you Angie you know that, he gave her to you for those sweet hours that I’m sure many a time you never thought you would have, I know it wasn’t enough, I know you crave more but I also know you know how blessed you were. Just like Moses He rescued Audrey because he had plans for her, wonderful, wonderful plans and you’ve already seen the fruits of those. Angie, can’t you see that you’ve answered your own question!? He did change the story; science had other plans but He rescued her, for a shorter time than he rescued Moses, but all the same He did it.

    One day you’ll get her back and she’ll be beaming from ear to ear across that little pixie face, all grown up and with pride over what she’s achieved – so much in so little time, she’ll be full of stories of all the things she’s witnessed, all of the joy she brought to people to counter all your sorrow for losing her too quickly. She’ll let you see how together you’ve helped others through their hurt. And she’ll tell you how special it was for her to share it all with little Luke. Tears are rolling down my cheeks now as I type, I’m hoping that then – when you’re back with your Audrey – that sometime our paths will cross and I’ll be able to tell you both in person how you’ve changed my world.

  • truth4nothing

    When you get to the place, and perhaps you will- I think so… that your love for Jesus, makes your love for Audrey look like hate, then you will know you trust him and know His love for you and plans for you and her, were and are indeed- perfect.
    I don’t mean to sound callous, and I am only just understanding this myself. After losing my husband, with 2 kids aged 3 and 5 left here for me to raise,alone, and a baby I lost before birth, and through it all nearly 7 years later,seeing that he can be trusted. My overwhelming, inescapable grief was a lack of trust. Your anxiety is coming from the inability to trust him Angie. You must rest in him; control is an illusion. Things aren’t out of control- he is in charge. He is love. Only God’s character can be trusted. Nothing else, not your health, Todd’s health, the kid’s health or life or safety, kings, governments, wealth, friends, nothing man made. All we really have on this planet is the love and faithfulness of our God, and he is good. Do you understand that? Do you also understand that he says of himself his ways are past finding out. You cannot even ask why because maybe we can’t know, as you say. So with that in mind, Our faith (trust in, belief) is counted toward us as righteousness. When you stop wrestling and start trusting your life is going to be so much better. I had to, and mine is. It pleases him when we have faith to trust him, in the dark, at the grave, under the regime, after the diagnosis…
    Your enemy does not want you to trust, he wants you to fear.

  • Heather

    Thank you, Angie, for this post. I am dealing with great disappointment and I needed to read this tonight.
    You are a precious angel of the Lord. Thanks for being used by Him.

  • Kristen

    Angie~

    I want you to know that i have read your blog from beginning to end in a few weeks. I do not recall where i heard of your blog from, but i am ever so grateful that i have. Your precious Audrey is absolutely beautiful, as are your other daughters. You have brought tears to my eyes through your story. And laughter as well. I especially loved the one about Wendy, and the hair!
    Your words are truly amazing, and i am so glad that i was able to understand your happiness, your hurt, your heart, through your story. You have made me a better mother as i learned from you that our children should never be taken for granted. I have always made sure to tell my kids every day how much i love them, but now, i do it 10 times more. And i show them a lot more frequently as well.
    Thank you so much for allowing me to be apart of your story.

  • The Kirkpatrick Family

    Sweet sister in Christ, Thank you for your honesty and for sharing your deepest inner thoughts. God does know every hair on your head and he hears you cry. He celebrates your growth and those you have been able to be so faithful to share with. Thank you friend for being so full of grace and showing vulnerability because at that moment you share you are
    human and so many relate to your heart and your truths. Many blessings to you and your family.

  • knittingirl

    I think of you and pray for you every time I hear these lyrics:

    “To think that providence would take a child from his mother while she prays is appalling.
    Who told us we’d be rescued?
    What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
    We’re asking why this happened to us who have died to live.
    It’s unfair.
    This is what it means to be held, how it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life, and you survive.
    This is what it is to be loved, and to know that the promise was when everything fell-
    we’d be held.”

    All my love for you – Rhonda

    Held – Natalie Grant

  • Shari

    I have never posted a comment here but have followed your blog since the day Audrey was born (and went back and read every one I missed).

    I’ve never had children because I never married, though I wanted 10 with at least 5 boys. Being a teacher for 30 years, however, I guess I’ve “had” LOTS of children.

    What prompted me to write today was your comment about Moses never entering the Promised Land….but actually he did. Read Matthew 17. :-) I can’t take credit for this – I believe that goes to Max Lucado. Just once again proves God truly does give us the desires of our heart and we sometimes have to WAIT a LONG time.

    God bless you – you are an inspiration to me and so many. Shari

  • created2teach

    Hang in there, Beautiful! When God leads you, He supports you. When the devil tries to sell you defeat, just remind him he is only a devil, and only the father of lies. His days are numbered. You are a daughter of the King of kings: highly favored. Walk in victory, my sister. You are victorious even in the midst of the pain. The end of the Book says we win!
    Hold on.

  • stephanie

    I needed to hear these words tonight. Thank you for being vulnerable, Angie- making you that much more relatable to us. It is not easy, but you see the Lord and trust in Him through the confusing and challanging parts just as much as the joyful and rejoicing times. He is so proud of you. We all are.

  • leahburnham

    Hi Angie,

    I just meet you tonight and I can’t wait to finish reading Audrey’s story. Ameilia from Blessed Be The Name told me about your blog and I just started from the beginning tonight. I got to February 15 and had to stop and comment to you. I have that picture of “Audrey”. My mother in law gave it to me when I was pregnant with my Emma Caroline (she is now 9 years old). You may already have it, but if you don’t and you would like to have it, I will mail it to you. It is oval shaped almost like a plaque with a sweet little chain attached at the top to hang it with. It sounds crazy me telling you about it, but I had to!

    Thanks for your inspiration and your honesty and truthfullness!!!! I pray for you and your family and that others will draw from your strength and see that it only comes from The One and Only Truth – God Almighty!

  • Pat

    Angie,
    You may never have time to read my words but I just had to log in and be a part of praying for you. I am not certain that other than God’s Word, I have ever read anything that touched me more than reading your BLOG. I held the tiny body of my stillborn grandson more than 10 years ago. My heart still longs for him to be with us. I have also experienced the honor of being on the other end of a Moses journey through adoption of a daughter.
    The majestic ways of God were beautifully captured in your post.
    I don’t know you but I love you sweet sister.

  • shi-shi

    Dear Angie,

    I have been reading your blog along with the others for bout a three weeks, I hve cried with you and laughed with you!

    I am unfortunatly in the circle of women who can say “I to have lost a child” What a sad little grouop to belong to!

    I have been dealing with the loss for about 27 years! I am pleased to say that our God is merciful in sharing the pain all these years, i lost my 3.5 moth old son on my first mothers day from crib death. I could on that day rejoyce thru my tears of the gift that Christ gave me of knowing that my son was with Him! What a Mothers Day gift that was!…But in reality it was as horrible as you have been relating, and even these many years later I find myself asking what you have posted..I know He can change things, why does He choose not to?… This is the eternal question of my life so far. I have seen it happen for others, why not me? why not my husband? Why…

    along with you I must remember that He has already fought the fight, and I can rest in that promise, but how?

    I have three beautiful young adult daughters and one 5 mo grandson, and I still have to pause and remember the fight! It does not say in His word how the fight will take place, it just says to meet Him at the finish line and I think that is the Truth we must lean on, out roads go many directions, but we must keep heading for the finish line, The Mark that He sets for us.

    My life has held many obsticles, from marrying at 15yo to bury my first born and of latley watching my husband fight kidney disease from a doctors mistake and yet we fight to win, even 28 years later, we have Gods spirit in us driving us ever on!

    But the Why lingers, I just wanted you to know that you will still be asking this question in the following years, don’t get hung up there ok…keep walking as you seek to understand, gurd up your loins and join the rest of us on this journey of love and sorrow and love again…it is worth the hurt if it brings us closer to Him!

    God Bless you as travel this road, you can do it, with Him…shi-

  • Kel

    I found you today through BooMama, and am so glad I did. This is just what I needed to hear. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and a little piece of your heart.

  • Susan

    Angie,

    How can we all ever thank you enough for sharing your journey of HOPE and great LOVE with us all?

    I’m so blessed you continue to choose to trust, even when you don’t have the answers.

    When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark, you don’t throw away the ticket and jump off. You sit still and trust the engineer. Corrie Ten Boom

    Thanks for staying aboard, we are all here with you♥

  • Darlee

    Oh Angie,

    Sweet, sweet Angie! God has touched so many lives through you and Audrey. But I know the pain is unbearable at times.

    I too feel that desparation and anguish in my soul…sometimes it’s hard to breathe. In those moments I want God to just grab me from this abyss.

    Hold tightly to Him sweet Angie. He will continue to be faithful to you. He will continue to walk beside you. He will continue to know you and your pain.

    Sincerely,

    Darlee

  • Tara

    beautifully written.

    I gave you an award today (which you can feel free to completely ignore :) ) at http://tarasviewoftheworld.blogspot.com/2008/07/linky-love.html

  • mnmcrum

    Angie,
    Thank you for reminding me that we may not have answers from Him, but He is still there.
    I miscarried in May and just last week found out I am pregnant again. As excited as I am, I am equally guarded and fearful. I have had tremendous issues with anxiety before, and the Lord has carried me through each time. Thank you for your honesty, openness, and strength. We all feel it!
    Love,
    Michelle

  • lori

    wow

  • Tiffany

    I don’t understand why or how God can allow bad things into our lives either. I personally wonder why does He allow little, innocent children to be abused, molested, or to die. It often makes me wonder how and why these acts of evil and pain could glorify Him in the long run. But I have to stop and have faith and know that somehow in his bigger plan it does all work for his good.

    God is powerful, but He still allowed His own Son to die on the cross for me and all my junky sins. That so amazes me that he could have, but chose not to. I just know that through your tragedy I as well as thousands of others have seen God in a real way. I wish He would have chosen another way for you to reach out to the masses, or for us to see and hear Him than to take away a precious baby girl. Someday we will all meet her in heaven and thank her and God for showing us a real and daily walk with the Lord like we’ve seen in you. Thank you for always being real and sharing your guts. Angie your children and husband are blessed to have you in their lives. I believe this is only the beginning….

  • Mom 4 Life

    Thank you Angie for being faithful to return to God’s word for comfort and strength, it is an encouragement for me to do the same. Much love, Heather Ledeboer

  • lynette

    “I sense a basket of light
    Woven around me
    In this darkness deeper than night
    Keeping me from descending
    Into the pit

    They say that man is made
    In the image of God
    And that the light that does not fade
    Is the Spirit
    Indwelling

    A soft and gentle glowing
    Is the light from each heart
    That keeps me from growing
    Self-centred and
    Apart

    Long ago, a woman made
    A basket of rushes
    And in it gently laid her son
    To float upon
    The Nile

    And so, like a basket of light
    woven around me
    In this darkness deeper than night
    Is the God-side of people
    And I give thanks.”

    Jessica Aidley

  • Mackenzie’s Forever Family

    Thank you for reminding me that even though we may not like the decision that God has made for us we can still trust in the fact that it’s the right and best one for us. Your words of encouragement are always appreciated.

  • Mrs. Trixi

    This post is powerful thank you for sharing your heart.
    Blessings~~

  • Jen

    Your words inspire me to find my God. ♥

  • vikki

    Thank you for sharing! Thank you for being so transparent. God is using you and your story in so many ways.You have touched so many lives and God is being glorified. I will continue to pray for you and your family. God Bless you!

  • Tse Family

    I have thought of you over and over as I have dealt with such a mini crisis in comparison to yours. I find myself further from the Lord in these hard times which is a pattern for me. I want to try and fix things myself and I can’t seem to just hand it over to Jesus. Thank you for sharing the real story and for allowing us to see that even in faith there is darkness. I feel I walk such an imperfect path and all it takes is a short trip to the Bible to see that so many have walked this path before me. Thanks for the constant reminder to return to scripture and just for being there.

  • Jeanette

    Thank you for this!! I needed it so bad! I haven’t been trough anything close to what you have, but I have been struggleing with a darkness in my spirit that just won’t seem to go away. I find myself asking, “GOD, WHERE ARE YOU?” This touched me tremendously!! Thank you!
    Jeanette

  • Megan

    I felt a little eerie as I read your blog today. I woke up on Monday morning, got ready, and as I was getting ready to leave for work, was unable to. Panic clawed my throat, I was crying, and almost threw up. On Thursday, the judge in my county decided to send the baby I was fostering (hopefully to adopt) to his biological grandparents (who suddenly decided they wanted him). I sat in church the day before and listened to the story of Moses and it did help. Your blog has helped me even more I think. There is a chance I’ll still get this baby and I pray for that everyday. Thank you for your words.

  • ellebelle

    I too have often wondered about Moses, doing everything he did for the Lord, and then not getting to go into the Promised Land. Really hard to wrap my mind around that. But you are right, we have no idea why….we can think and ponder and study and pray, and sometimes we just can’t come up with an answer. I’m an answer person and that is hard for me to accept. I want answers. I want clear, consice direction and answers. And when God is silent, or his answers are no, I want to throw myself on the floor and pitch a fit like a 2 year old. And sometimes I do.

    Thank you so much for your thoughts, I enjoy reading your blog so much. I cry every single time you have a new post. I pray for you and your family. As a mother, my heart aches for you.

    A faithful reader, Lori

  • Jen

    Our parenting paths are so very different, my kids are special needs and foster kids, but still we are motherhood sisters. Your words ring clear from the very depth of your soul and you are a blessing to me. Quite often, I read here exactly what I need to be reminded of, as we walk on this hard but wonderful path of mothering.

    May God continue to bless you and use you and your life for His Glory.

    Jen

  • Luanne

    I stumble upon your site—via Beth Moore’s blog. I have spent the past minutes reading your story. Just know that another person will be praying for your families continued healing. Sometimes, I live in this prison of fear–thinking something bad is just around the corner. Thanks for your encouragement–knowing that God is good and will be with us always–the constant in my life that I never need to fear the loss of.

  • Shelby

    Angie – Your posts bring me to tears every single time! (I cried the first time I saw Cars, too, by the way….yes, the cartoon!) You have an amazing gift with words as well. Your posts are so clear and beautiful and transparent. You have blessed my life and we will probably never meet this side of Heaven. You are in my prayers and my daughter and I check your blog almost daily. You are bringing glory to our Savior. One day, He will wipe all the tears from our eyes and you will hold Audrey again. I believe that with all of my heart. Bless you.

  • Sandy

    Hi Angie,
    I came across your blog as I was surfing through looking at Photographer’s websites. I was about to shoot a maternity session and wanted some new ideas. When I saw your maternity shots, I thought, “Oh, how beautiful!” Then I saw the shots from the hospital. Well, I was hooked and just had to read on. I linked to your blog and started at the beginning. It has taken several days to read it all, because I had to stop and dry my face so many times. You and your family are truly a blessing to others. I am sure you have been told that time and again. I told my daughter about your blog and some of my friends because I have received such a blessing from your posts. I look forward to new ones now!
    I lost my only sister 2 years ago in a car accident. She was 40 years old, but she was my baby sister. I have no blood brothers, but I think of my sister’s husband as my brother. We have been through some tough times, especially my mom, through these last 2 years. Although we know Bonnie is in a much better place, and she wouldn’t change it for anything. She loved the Lord with ALL her heart. We miss her so much. I would love to tell you the story of how God prepared us for her passing sometime. It would really take up too much of this space. I’d love to email it to you if you don’t mind.
    My family will continue to keep you and your family in our prayers. God is so good!

  • Ashley

    Angie, thank you so much for these words. I too was having a tough day on Sunday, sadness and anxiety have a way of creeping in without warning! That evening as I was reading my daughter a few books before bed time, I came to the story of Moses in her Children’s Bible and I read that to her. For the first time, the faith and love of his mother struck me so deeply. While her son was brought from the reeds, she didn’t know that when she let him go. I wish we all had the same joy that she must have had, but like you said, God is wokring even though I don’t understand it and often don’t like the process. Thank you for brining that truth to another level.
    Grace and peace,
    Ashley

  • marsuewal

    I have read your blog for quite awhile now, and appreciate you opening up your
    heart to the world as you work through your grief.

    Your song playlist has really ministered to many people. I was wondering what
    it would take to put these songs on a cd and offer it for sale, perhaps calling
    it Praise in the Pain. Proceeds could go to any number of oganizations for
    helping parents and babies going through what you are going through. You
    may have already thought it this, but thought I would mention it anyways.

    May God be close to you today as you continue to heal.

  • Mami Sue

    Angie, thank you for this post.
    It is just what I needed today.
    That quote is so true.
    Our assistant pastor said about the same thing to me long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
    “Love God and your neighbor and do as you please” To some it seems like that will never work but if you think about it, it truely does work. If you do the first two you are set for life.
    Thanks again!]
    Sue

  • Bevy

    MOST people go off that MEDICATION SLOWLY and UNDER a physicians care – both my daughters/in law have. I would encourage you to contact your dr. and request HOW to get off the meds. Don’T JUST LEAVE IT LIKE THAT!!
    Have you read – “I’m dancing as Fast as I can?” That is a recipe for disaster.
    I felt the LORD was telling me to do lots when first coming to Him – but sometimes someone else or our ownselves just WANTS to torment us.
    ie: quit wearing my glasses for 6 weeks in an Alaskan winter – my vision – while driving my small children around – that’s right – 20/200 and 20/300 – NOT SMART – but no accidents and NO TICKETS.
    Just some thots! I’m leaving now!

  • Alexis

    I am writing your 284th comment and I wonder if you will ever read it. :)

    When God’s answer to my plea of healing for my daughter was “no” I experienced a pain I never thought imaginable.

    I would never have asked for this journey. I would never have imagined it would turn out for my good.

    But it has and I am grateful…even in the midst of the blinding pain.

    Your post echoes my heart.

  • The Hill Family

    Amazing. In one word, without even really knowing you, that is the word I use to describe you. Ever since the first day I read your blog (several months ago now) I have connected with you on some sort of level. You never let me down as I hold each of your posts as a blessing and as a sermon in a sense. Thank you for touching my soul as I am going through a hard time right now.

  • The Hull Munchkins

    Angie,
    I have to tell you that your words through your beautiful blog takes me to God’s word every time! Not because you mention Bible stories, or b/c you quote meaningful scripture verses… but b/c you lean on God during your dark hours, instead of running the other way.
    You don’t question His goodness, only maybe His methods. I struggle every day with the fact that my 4 yr old little girl has too many special needs to keep track of. It hurts to watch her in pain, and not able to look back at me and see how much I love her. I don’t understand why the Lord allowed her early birth and the subsequent months/ years of suffering… but I do know that He has used and will continue to use her story as a witness to His Love and His goodness!!

    That is why I put Selah’s song “Glory” on our blog. It reminds me every time I get on to post, that one day her eyes will see her savior clearly and one day all our hurt will be healed.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and struggles. I can’t tell you how encouraging you have been to my walk with the Lord.

    -Patty

  • Teach Me to Be Still

    Hi Angie-

    I was reading through previous posts and see on July 2 you posted the verse Zephaniah 3:17. Did you know there is a beautiful worship song using this verse? It comes from my absolute favorite worship CD "Sing Over Me"–very mellow, very powerful CD for those early morning quiet times.

    You can listen to the song here (copy & paste)…

    http://www.christianbook.com/Christian/Books/product/?item_no=CD1142X&p=1004344

    Scroll down to see the playlist list and select Song #6 Sing Over Me to hear the sample. Song #1 and #5 are also awesome!

    Love, love, love your blog. Such an encouragement to me–thank you!

  • Our Family of Four

    Seeing how I am comment 285! I am not sure when/if you will read this but here is my take:

    I’ve had cancer 3 times but each time I have been “cured” so to speak, I am still here 24 years after it started!

    I’ve had 7, yes that’s seven, miscarriages but I got to adopt THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. Now her mother was a drug addict and had a perfect baby, not exactly fair, but God gave her to me so I can live with that :o ) Plus he did, in the end, let me experience a pregnancy 1 time beginning to end and my son is perfect.

    Sometimes it seems unbalanced but then I sit back and do the math realistically and somehow it all seems to work out. I hope this makes sense. Don’t think of what he took but what he has given, like your 3 other girls, does that help the balance? I do it with everything in life and it makes me feel better.

  • Jenifer

    Angie, I have visited here often but haven’t commented before now. Each time I stop by I am in awe of your faith, your commitment, your realness, your joy in the midst of pain, the strength that I see in your weakest times, and your ability, because of His strength, to keep on keeping on. Many years back my family (an aunt and uncle) experienced the loss of a three month old little boy. To this day they have been unable to move beyond that point in their lives. I pray for them often that the Lord would continue to chip away at the hardness that surrounds their hearts.

    Angie, you truly a gift from the Lord. I pray that you continue to be faithful to the calling God has placed on your life. I invite you to visit me at By His Grace, I would like to honor you with a gift.

    Many blessings to you,
    Jenifer

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • S. Weaver

    I am new to the “blog scene” I read my friend’s blog (life as a lewis) and on her site, she has a link to yours. I was sick from church last Sunday and clicked on your blog and felt like I had church! I have loved Selah for years and to go back and listen to some of the songs Nicol and Todd sang together in light of what has happened tears me up! Back in that recording studio, God knew what was ahead. And in some weird way, was preparing them.
    I am a preachers wife and I have 4 children. My oldest is a girl and the others are boys. I have never posted anything anywhere but felt so overwhelmed to do so here.
    When my husband lost an 18yr. old brother to suicide and then 6 mo. later I lost my sister to an overdose, you can’t help but start asking questions. Both our siblings have made professions of faith but struggled terribly with mental illness. We would pray for healing from their suffering and when they they died, we questioned why God chose not to heal. The conclusion we ultimately came to was that in taking them home, he healed them completely. When God created this world, there was no sin, no death. But because sin entered in, we have sickness, we have death. Praise God that in Him there is NO Death!
    I know your arms ache, I look at my kids and pray God protects them, I can’t imaginge the pain you face every minute. Just hold on. This world is not our home. There is sickness, death, and sin. But Christ is victorious over all of those things. We may have to endure the trial of some of those things here in our flesh, but in Him we are made whole again. Praying for you and wondering how I can get in on some mommy alone time at a coffee shop. :-)

  • Marie

    Angie, I just found your blog and wanted you to know that my little baby boy went to heaven 23 1/2 years ago, and while there was no time that he took a breath here on earth, I know he is where we all strive to one day be…. thanks for sharing your story.

    Marie

  • Sun

    Bless your heart! I am so touched by your words. I wanted to tell you that my husband and I got our girls the Jesus Story Bible and THEY LOVE IT! Thank you so much for the idea! My husband used some of his birthday money to do it and it has been such a gift! I will be in prayer for you – I don’t comment on every post – but I read and soak in EVERY SINGLE one you write – even going back and reading the ones before I found your blog. God is using you SO hugely! Sunshine

  • Seeking His Face

    hi, i’m jessica. i was given your blog from a friend of a friend who has been praying for me these past few months. i’m so sorry for your pain. although a different situation i can relate a bit. my son passed away in october at 8 weeks old. the dr.’s say sids, we choose to call it a soverign god’s plan.
    i’ve been sitting here crying as i’ve read thoughts that have been rushing through my head but written by a stranger. thank you for taking the time to write it all. i haven’t had the strength.
    shortly after giving kade back to the lord we found out we were pragnant with our third. i’m being induced friday a.m. trusting the lord for another life seems like too much for me. trusting him still.
    praying for you as you continue to walk this road.
    -jessica visser
    riverdale, ca.

  • Ashley

    Angie, do you mind sharing what meds you were on for anxiety?

  • Allmykids123

    Dear Angie:
    Just checking in on you to see how you are feeling. Hopefully things are more peaceful…
    Let us know.

  • The Littles

    Angie, I also struggle greatly with anxiety. I actually came across Daniel 4:34 TODAY and it really, really encouraged me. I hope it does you, also. Also, I came across a poem the other day that really comforted me when a friend of mine passed away. It is “Go Down Death, A Funeral Sermon” by James Weldon Johnson…I decided to re-read it after reading your blog and was Shocked to remember the woman’s name in the poem is Caroline. Perfect. I hope you get a chance to look it up. You and your family are in my prayers…

  • Eve

    I suffered with PRP for six years, a devastating skin disorder and a rare one. I prayed and prayed and just felt as though God wasn’t listening to me. Then one day a light went off in my head. I need to concentrate on others and pray for them and stop feeling sorry for myself. I am now almost in total remission. I think he was trying to teach me to be less selfish.
    I feel blessed to have read your blog today. Thank you.

  • ambercaye

    Thank you for your words. My second daughter is less than 2 weeks old, and I can’t imagine anything like that happening to her. I know that God takes care of us, but it so hard to understand why things happen the way they do. God be with you and give you peace. Thank you for your transparency in your heart-felt blog. I hope I meet you someday. -Amber Stewart

  • Gas Family

    I am not for sure why, but I felt compelled to post my first comment today. I have read your blog, felt your pain, and have prayed for you. But today I felt the need to let you know that YOU INSPIRE ME. I had a miscarriage about 6 weeks ago, and although the pain we are feeling is similar, it is obviously different. I too am a strong Christian woman, and have been struggling withe the “WHY GOD” factor. I am blessed to have the one child that I do, and I pray that God will bless us with another.

    But after reading, and crying today, you have given me peace. I know that my baby is in Heaven, watching over me. But I have still suffered with why. After reading some of the versus I felt a little more peaceful this evening.

    THANK YOU doesn’t seem appropriate, but that is all I can say.

    I hope that all of these strangers and friends who are praying for you and your family, can give you a little bit of peace.

    Prayers and Love from Texas

  • NestingNurse

    because of Audrey’s life…and death in this fallen world…and passing to the arms of Christ…over 300 (and I chose that becasue that is how many comments, we all know there are many, many more than that) of us are ministered to and in turn minister to others by what He has given you in this time of unbelievable pain. Obedience and faith that you stand in, testifies to the spirit within us…He is God and deserves our Praise for He is to be glorified in this all. Thank you for your steadfast perseverance in believing and following our Most HIgh God.
    Blessings!

  • Stacey

    Angie,
    Thank you so much for this post. I have been reading your blog for some time now but have never commented. I too placed my child in the water (in March 2007) only to watch him float away to heaven. His name is Philip and he was born with Patau’s syndrome (Full T-13). That was over a year ago. Since, we have welcomed a second little boy into our family (July 17, 2008). Our newest arrival is healthy and strong. As blessed as our family is, I still have very hard days where the sorrow is too much to bare. I pray for you often and for your family (Nicole) because I do know what you are going through. Thank you for this message today as you have touched my heart (yet again). I have been consumed with sorrow lately and I needed this special message. Thank you so much, you are an inspiration. Stay strong, and know that you are not alone.

  • Megan

    My friend just received bad news at an ultrasound. Feeling sad but know that He is still the same loving God He was before.

  • Lisa Johnson

    Thank you so much for opening your heart like that. I am new to the blog, but I pray for families like yours everyday. (I am a NILMDTS photographer.)

    Thank you for the reminder of the story of Moses. I remember reading it when I read through the Bible last year. I remember now that I wanted to revisit it. Now I have. Thank you.

    Your words are beautiful.

  • Roxanne Kristina

    Your tender heart continues to bless. Thank you.
    Roxanne

  • Morgan

    Wow 304 comments, I’ve never seen so many! God is using you in so many ways! I know things are so hard to understand as you posted but GOD KNOWS what He is doing and im sure you touching lives through your story was all part of His Plan! I will be praying for you and your family. Thanks for allowing God to use YOU to touch my life!

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Liz & Will Timmerman

    You are right – some people take a lifetime to achieve the purpose that God created them for. Your sweet Audrey Caroline achieved her purpose for this life in just a few short months while you carried her, and then the miraculous moments when she was born. And the most miraculous thing of all is that her life is still achieving many things for the kingdom of heaven, even after she is in heaven. We can only hope that our lives will make a big of an impact as your sweet daughter’s did. Some day we will understand why our children have been taken to heaven so soon after they were born.

    Thank you for this blog. It has been a great healing instrument for me, as I grieve the loss of my son Luke.

    All my love,
    Liz Timmermna

  • Barclay 5

    Angie,

    I have often read your words and been stirred. Your journey has often resonnateed with my own.

    Thank You,
    Tracy

  • Tabatha

    theshackbook.com

    Go ahead, click and read about a very dynamic book in which lies a fictional, but powerful story of God’s love. Reviews can’t prepare you for the journey you will walk in reading the closeness we can have with Papa (Abba, Father).
    With anything, you should read it with a grain of salt, but the author gives amazing insight to what most Christians today don’t truly have, or fall short of — A fellowship/relationship with God and KNOWING HIM!
    You won’t find the answers to “Why?” but it shows how He works all things for good.

  • Vaeh’s Blog

    Simply… thank you!

  • Tippa Glover

    Amen, girl!

    Continuing to pray for you!

    Lots of hugs,

    Tippa

  • The Butler Family

    I love how you keep saying that if someone doesn’t have a Bible to let you know, so you can get one to them! Have you heard of this experiment? http://askmeaboutjohn.synthasite.com/
    It’s an attempt to distribute Bibles.

  • Anna

    I recently “stumbled” on to your blog and just wanted to let you know what a blessing it was to me!

  • Whitney

    I love that passage in Exodus! Sometimes it is so hard to just be still and let Him fight for you.
    Your blog is a blessing.
    Thank you for writing it.
    I think you should write a bible study – I’m sure you have heard that before, but think about it!

  • Anne Elizabeth

    Angie- This post was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

    I have something for you, so whenever you get a moment stop by my blog.

  • Cindi

    Oh, Angie…I am praying for you. Every post I read pierces my heart.I feel like I can’t get the words I want to say to you to come out right. I know how hard anxiety can be. I struggled for years with it as a result of a benign heart condition. I used to have panic attacks, palpitations, you name it, it was bad, incapacitating at times. I had people tell me I had unconfessed sin, I had no faith, on and on and it really affected me. I basically turned my back on the “christian community” as a result of that. I dug deeper in the word and spent time alone with God. I used to listen to Ginny Owens song – If you want me to, constantly. I cried out for years and praise the Lord, he walked me through it and now I have basically no problem with it ( :) until a big palpitation comes along every now and again). I cannot tell you how you have shown me what true christanity is all about. Thank you! This is not nearly adequate but it is all I can come up with right now. *big hugs* Cindi

  • Bttrfly1976

    Praying that His comfort is washing over you anew this evening.

  • read2kds

    Oh Angie, how perfectly you describe your feelings. I too have given a baby to the Lord through an ectopic pregnancy and struggled with the question — if God is paying attention and if he always wants what is best for me and loves me like no other WHY is this happening? Why isn’t he rescuing my baby? He cared for me so well during that time! Through the care of a wonderful counselor I was able to see all the ways God had orchestrated that day before it even happened. What a great God we serve, and yet still we ache. Blessings to you and your sweet family.

    Amy in NC

  • tksthoughts

    Angie and others,
    I am asking that you add the Breuer family to your prayer list as they need lifting up in love an prayer at this time. Feb 2007 they lost thier 9 year old son to leukimia,now just a little over a year later, they have lost thier husband and father suddenly. He leaves behind a wife, 4 boys and lots of family and friends. Please pray for this dear family.
    Thier story can be found:

    http://www.caringbridge.org/mn/bryceb/

  • Walker Family

    Angie,

    My name is Sarah and I am a mother of two precious children. I was reading a parenting message board last night, and someone posted a link to your blog. I followed the link and spent the next two hours reading your posts. The story of your beautiful daughter Audrey was heartbreaking and uplifting all at once. You have been given the gift of writing and your recollection of this most difficult season in your life was so beautifully written. You eloquently capture such raw emotion and your words are a powerful testimony. My heart broke for you and your family but also rejoiced with you as you continued to trust in the Lord through it all. When I continued to read through your posts, I was stunned to read about your nephew Luke. So quickly after losing your precious Audrey, Luke was gone as well. It broke my heart! My first reaction was honestly anger. How could this happen? Two sweet babies in the same family in such a short time? There’s just no explanation for that kind of loss. But like you, I know that God IS good. I spent a great deal of time last night crying out to God and demanding answers for such loss. It seems so unfair. I feel like God spoke to my heart though. He just said, “I am here.” And honestly, that’s the best we can hope for. That’s everything. He never leaves our side. He carries us through our pain. He walks with us every step of the way. And one day, we will live with Him in eternity forever. I just wanted to let you know how much I was moved by your words and I also wanted to tell you that you and your family will be in my prayers. I pray for continued strength, courage, and peace for you and yours.

  • Pink

    Angie, I know you have alot going on in your world, but if you have time, could you please take a look at my blog and pray for the sweet family that just lost their loved one in the Iraq war…thank you in advance for taking the time to lift them in prayer.

  • Amy

    Angie, I really don’t know where to start or what to say. I’ve been so encouraged by your willingness to share your deepest feelings with people you don’t know. You have blessed so many people. I pray God will bless you beyond measure during this time. I have lost a baby also. My first son. My favorite chapter then, and still, is II Corinthians 1. I found it very encouraging. God bless you and your family.

  • JKPeterson

    You are an amazing woman – Thank you for sharing your soul.

    Audrey’s life matter’s it matter’s heavly in my life and in my heart.

    Holding you all in prayer -

    The Peterson’s Arizona

    Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.

  • julie

    I dont’ know if you really read all of these comments or not, but your blog has touched me. You are an amazing woman. may you and your family continue to be blessed.

  • lh_frank

    Angie, thank you for your words. God has huge plans in store for you, that I think inolve Beth Moore type histeria and people peeing when they meet you!!! I can’t wait to watch….what God does with you, not the peeing!!!! God has healed me tremendously through your words, thank you.

  • Little Patch of Heaven

    I happened upon your blog today. How inspiring. Thank you.

  • Kristina

    Hi Angie,
    I have been on anti-anxiety meds for 6 years (since I was 14), and recently discovered I don’t think I can come off of it any time soon. I tried similar to what you are doing, yet for me it was completely accidental and I kept forgetting my meds.
    Alright so it was NOTHING like what you are doing :)
    I was a complete mess having my attacks because I wasn’t taking my meds.
    It’s miraculous how the body works. Some people can come off of their meds (help when you have a clearer mind!) and faith is something that I believe is even better to have beside you. They always encourage during a depression or mental illness to have a faith, and that is great you are doing that. After reading your blog, you have helped give me sooo much strenght on my own journey. It’s great you are not afraid of sharing what can be known as a “icky” subject to some.
    Anyways, congrats for doing such good work, it’s never easy coming off of meds.
    Way to go :)

  • Kristina

    Hi Angie,
    I have been on anti-anxiety meds for 6 years (since I was 14), and recently discovered I don’t think I can come off of it any time soon. I tried similar to what you are doing, yet for me it was completely accidental and I kept forgetting my meds.
    Alright so it was NOTHING like what you are doing :)
    I was a complete mess having my attacks because I wasn’t taking my meds.
    It’s miraculous how the body works. Some people can come off of their meds (help when you have a clearer mind!) and faith is something that I believe is even better to have beside you. They always encourage during a depression or mental illness to have a faith, and that is great you are doing that. After reading your blog, you have helped give me sooo much strenght on my own journey. It’s great you are not afraid of sharing what can be known as a “icky” subject to some.
    Anyways, congrats for doing such good work, it’s never easy coming off of meds.
    Way to go :)

  • risa-rin-rales

    Your words and babys life story have really touched my life as well, I am so gratefull that I came across a christian womans blog. I don’t know you but yet I feel a huge amount of love toward you!I hope to add you as a friend in Christ!

    Joshua 24:15 As for me and my house we WILL serve the Lord!

  • Mrs. Wilson

    You are so encouraging! You are challenging me to get back into the Word. The whole thing. I’ve never done it but I really want to.

    Thank you!!

  • Sal Gal

    I absolutely love reading your blog! I believe as you do and rejoice in your faith!

  • Mrs. Walker

    Thank you…I needed this today.

  • Laura

    Beautiful post! I’ve often thought with all of modern day technology, we should be able to have a little camera in our eye to take pictures of the beautiful moments, whenever we see them :) . Silly, I know. I ordered “The Jesus Storybook Bible” for my two year old and it came today! It is so beautifully written and illustrated; I can’t wait to read through it with her!

  • Michelle

    Wahhh – you make my cry every time I read a post – and I am not the kind to cry at Cars, lol! I am so encouraged, conforted and inspired everytime I read – thank you for taking the time – and thank you to Todd for enabling you to serve so many of us in this way – to use your gifts that God has evidently generously given to you!

  • The Barnyards

    I LOVE this post. I read your blog daily. You inspire me and encourage me to love Jesus with every inch of who I am. You, Angie, are such a beautiful person. You make Jesus so happy…you love him well. Still praying for you and your family.

  • Emily Starling

    Angie–I have to tell you a friend first sent me this blog, I read the entire thing and sobbed. You are an amazing woman. About “Cars”, that is a great love story–who wouldn’t cry?
    A prayer request–a family in our church is housing a young man(12 we think) who is an orphan from Liberia, he is to have surgery on his throat due to serious injuries from drinking lye. By the way his name is Moses.
    Emily

  • Amy

    I love to come and see what the Lord has for you to share with us each week… You are an amazing writer. I loved this post. It made me laugh and cry all together.
    Thanks for what you are doing. It takes a strong women to expose yourself to all of us….. God Bless you Angie, and your family.

  • The Asquad

    love this……….love you!

  • Stacey

    gzsb

  • Cynthia

    You are so amazing!
    Thank you for these words.

  • Ami

    Angie, I cannot begin to express my admiration for you. You have just got to be the strongest person I know. I bean reading your blog yesterday, and couldn’t finish it all because of a) all of the emotions it stirred in me b) my wild little toddler needing me and c) time. It got to be so late that I had to make myself stop reading and go to bed. I thought and thought once I was in bed and began to see how selfish I have been. I have been complaining about my little boy not listening and fussing a lot lately. Oh, what you wouldn’t give for that. I know this and I want you to know how you have given me new courage to be a better Mother and appreciate what has been given to me. I have taken so many things for granted and I hope to drastically change that about myself. I hold you in such high regards and am going to pray for you everyday. How lucky your girls are to have such a wonderful, warm talented Mother. Know that your story is touching so many lives and is appreciated far beyond what you can imagine. Thank you , Angie, thank you for restoring my faith and helping me to be all that God wants me to be.

  • kimberly

    Wow, wow, wow. I just wrote a novel on a previous post about your choice of scripture and now I read this post and am shaking my head, as Exodus 14:14 is another of my most-favorite verses–and one I never hear anybody speak of. I thought it was just me…

    Okay, I’ve got one more verse that I cling to. You’re 2 of 3, so far. I’m going to keep reading your story to see if you nail the other one :)