fear

Where I’ve Been…

***update*** I just came up for lunch and am reading through all of your great advice…God and I have been talking through things this morning, and we’ll see what that leads to…also, to the lady who said her sister-in-law saw me here in the hotel the other day, you better tell her to give me a squeeze if she sees me again!!!! And I am also hoping my kids weren’t picking their noses or fighting over shovels…

And to those of you who have mentioned giving up coke, chocolate, carbs and coffee, just know that those are my main food groups (the four C’s. I’m sure there’s a pyramid with those somewhere…).  I’m having anxiety attacks just thinking about saying goodbye to those old friends….:)
Thanks so much for all of your thoughtful suggestions!!!
You all are so great to me.  I haven’t posted in awhile (we are at the beach and about to head home:) ) and so many people have written me to ask if I’m okay.  You have no idea how much this has meant to me.  It has been a really great week with my family (thanks, mom and dad!), but also a very hard one.  With grief, it’s hard to tell why or when it will hit, and I was a little blindsided to have it happen here, where it is so beautiful.  Every sweet baby I see has made me miss the opportunities I will never have with my Audrey.  Every time I see the water I want to tell her about the great God who makes it roll onto the sand.  I have to remind myself that she knows…she knows better than any of us.  I just miss her so much.

I have been having panic attacks first thing in the morning and then a few times a day.  I have this feeling of fear and dread that stays with me, and my mind is full of worry. I am trying to figure out if there is something natural that will help me before I reconsider medication (diet, homeopathic remedies, etc.). I have been doing a little online research, but would certainly love to hear from you if you have any constructive suggestions.  I am caught in a pattern of worrying that something is going to happen to one of the girls or Todd, and it is hard to get my mind back on track. I don’t feel rock-bottom, just kind of like a feeling I can’t shake off, and it takes a toll on me.

Sorry this is so short (you are probably relieved! I tend to be a tad long-winded…:)) but I just wanted to let you know I am okay.  I covet your prayers and am so grateful to feel like I have your support during this time.  This coming week is going to be incredibly difficult (please pray for the entire Smith family), and I will post about that soon…
Also, still waiting to post about the Michigan event…I believe the tickets are being printed and when they are ready I will pass along the details. Many of you have asked if I am attending the South Carolina Selah concert this weekend…we are trying to find cheap tickets, so I’m not optimistic right now, but I sure would be honored to meet you if it works out.
Until then, thank you friends. 
Angie
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