I don’t normally post two days in a row, I know. But I can’t help myself.
I’m having a lot of trouble typing (which I will explain shortly). This is the stuff Lifetime movies are made out of. And they always happen to me.
It started out GREAT. I met Kyla at Target and spent $1300. Yes. $1300. Before you say anything, let me explain. It wasn’t my money.
It was yours.
And I had a ball spending it.
Okay, I can see I am going to need to back up a little.
The Hope Clinic started a home for mothers who choose life for their babies instead of abortion. 3 women live there at a time, and there is a “house mother” (Kyla) who lives there with them. We decided to use part of the money that people have donated to the Hope Clinic to decorate one of the bedrooms. I bought all “Shabby Chic” style bedding, furniture, lighting, curtains, a glider, frame, decor (no sticks), baby books, and on and on. It is all going to be set up this weekend and I am so excited to see it come together and welcome the mommies who will live there. What a blessing. So, let me start off by saying thank you to each and every person who helped to make this a reality. I will take pictures and post them (go figure).
And now onto the reason Kyla had to call 911 for me.
Let’s just say (hypothetically) that I am a clumsy person, and today, I was wearing a skirt. These facts will both become important in a minute, I promise.
I follow Kyla back to the house and we unload my car. I open my passenger side door to grab my phone so that I can type in her phone number, and then I slam the door shut.
Hear me say that the door shut completely. Closed.
Which would not have been post-worthy had my finger not been in it.
It takes me about a millisecond to realize it, and I open the car door, at which point blood starts dripping everywhere. I am not freaking out yet, so I make a crack about how I just got my nails done, and then I start to realize that there is a good chance my finger is broken and I need to get a plan together. Kyla sees my finger and we start to run inside to grab a paper towel. I am concerned that I am going to get blood all over the house, so I am holding one hand under it and trying not to make a mess. I was just in shock, I guess.
We get inside and Kyla runs some cold water for me. I put my hand under the sink and all of a sudden, I start to really feel it. I mean, seriously feel it. And it is not good. At all.
I start to feel a little woozy. I’m not really weird about blood, but I think my body went into shutdown mode and I pass out cold. I should mention that when I pass out (if you are a doctor and you have insights on this, please share) I have what appear to be seizures. According to people who have witnessed it, I shake and make moaning noises and it is pretty scary to watch. Kyla said I had two or three today while I was unconscious, and she called 911. I managed to show her how to call Todd on my phone in between seizures, because as you know, I am nothing if not a multi-tasker.
I will tell you all more about this later, but I took a big step in the last several days towards telling Audrey’s story in book form, and part of that is by partnering with a literary agent. It was an answer to prayer that literally fell into my lap, and I am so excited about it. Anyway, he went to adopt two children today (his sixth and seventh, incidentally), and I decided I was going to fast for him (quickly, this just means that I abstain from eating for a day as an offering of sacrifice and prayer). I wasn’t going to say anything, but they were wondering if there could be any other “factors,” so I mentioned it. The ladies in the house brought me a Special K bar and Kyla said, “Seriously Angie. It’s only like 90 calories. I don’t think God will even notice 90 calories….” I think it was one of the funniest things I have ever heard. Kyla, you are a gift.
Let’s just also say (hypothetically) that I asked three questions when I came to. See the title of this post for more information….
In order, these were the questions.
1. I passed out again, didn’t I?
2. Tell 911 they don’t need to come, I’m okay. Are they already coming?
3. Did you see my butt just now?
So, for all of you who are keeping score, there was at least a 6 second window between seizure and pure vanity.
The medics came and checked me out. I told them I didn’t want to ride in the ambulance, but they told me I should probably go to the hospital because it might be broken. I wouldn’t know, because I have literally never broken a bone. But anyway, they were really nice. Meanwhile, Todd had called my dad and asked him to come watch the girls because there was an emergency and he wanted to come get me. He was in such a hurry that when my dad asked what was going on, he says, “She split her nail!!!!!!!” My dad was confused, but he came right over. God bless the man.
I promise I wouldn’t be kidding around if I wasn’t okay (which I am).
Todd came and got me and we went to see my doctor, who took x-rays and confirmed that it was NOT broken. He put a little getup on it and sent me home…isn’t it pretty?
I know what you’re thinking.
I can’t get my wedding ring off, which is going to put a serious dent in my clubbing schedule.
Other than that, I am fine (hypothetically speaking, of course).
Amy came in town today and as I was retelling my finger story, Todd realized that the grill was on fire. Because we were bored stiff up to that point.
He put out the fire (and the chicken) with the fire extinguisher, and it was so ridiculous that we all laughed until we fell over. And of course, took pictures.
And I haven’t even gotten to the best part. And this might actually be the best kid story ever. God certainly picked the right day to let it happen because I needed a smile.
I was putting Kate to bed tonight and I told her I was going to pray for her. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to say “I’m sorry” to God about, and she said yes. I am not sure what she said after that, but I figured God had heard her, so I didn’t ask her to repeat it. Then she looks at me with this heavy face and says, “He isn’t here, momma.”
She looks at the door and then looks at me.
“He is, honey. We just can’t see Him because He is invisible. Remember?”
I promise you that at this EXACT moment (God is the best director), Ellie gets up out of bed and runs to the bathroom, so all of a sudden Kate and I hear these little running feet.
She looks at me, wide-eyed, mouth dropped to the floor, like she finally believes the whole thing is real.
I can just see her little brain imagining the God of the universe running around in the bathroom. Which is almost as funny as Red Robin at a car dealership.
Incidentally, for those of you who read my last post, I hope you get a kick out of this. I found it this morning and had to share.
Anyway, I am feeling a little better on account of the fact that I just took one of the happy pills they gave me after I delivered the kids.
Oh admit it, moms. You kept a little bottle as a souvenir too.
Hypothetically, of course.