I Survived!

***Update!!!!*** I am laughing so hard that I cannot stop.  I have decided that this needs to be a contest.  I have an exciting prize to give away tomorrow, and I am going to give away 10 of them.  Leave your comment here….I am going to choose my “top 10 funniest kid moments” and announce them tomorrow afternoon…..please leave your comment by 10:00 a.m. tomorrow (10/7). LOVE a giggly Monday. Thanks to everyone who is a part of it:)
I woke up Friday morning and had three panic attacks.  I honestly could not get out of my bed and I kept rocking and saying softly, “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus…”  I would start to feel a little better and then the panic would wash over me and I just had to beg Him to settle me again.  One of the ladies who spoke at the conference this weekend was discussing the fact that public speaking is more of a fear than death, and Jerry Seinfeld quipped years ago that “this means that if you are at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than giving the eulogy.” I thought that was pretty funny.  Well, I didn’t think it was that funny on Friday morning, but I can laugh now because I can feel my legs again.
It was an awesome weekend.  The ladies at Southland did an absolutely fantastic job, and I feel like I have made friends for life.  We have already planned to get together in a few months:) I just felt so accepted, so free to just “be me,” so blessed to be a part of such a great event that honestly, I forgot to be nervous.  I walked in that room and I sensed the presence of the Lord. My spirit just settled and I knew it was all going to be okay. I was thinking of the encouraging emails I received, and the prayers I knew went into that room ahead of me, and it was a beautiful night.  It was a big leap of faith for me, and I want you to know that I am grateful for remembering me while I jumped.  I think God loves to take the things about you that you feel really insecure about and make you walk through them because you get to see the way He shows up. I am glad I was obedient, because I felt the presence of the Lord in a deep, meaningful way.  A way I would not have experienced if I hadn’t gotten out of bed.  Thank you, Lord.
Public speaking is a source of great anxiety for me, and an area that I do not have a lot of pride in.  I don’t feel like I do it very well.  I am insecure.  I told God that on the way to Lexington, and He reminded me of a story that involves me and my pride.  I am going to share it with you here, because I feel like if you have stuck with me this long, you are entitled to a good laugh at my expense.  
Several years ago, we bought a new house.  It is a nice house, and I was a little over-eager to show it off.  We were having company over one evening, and I had spent most of the day throwing clutter into the back of closets, hanging “skinny” pictures in strategic places, and making sure the bed linens were crisp.  I was flittering around the house, one room to the next, preparing my “image.”
Abby and Ellie, sensing my eagerness, decided that they wanted to help me “decorate.” They were 3 at the time, and while their intentions were good, they were really more in the way than they were helpful, so I shuffled them into a little space off of my bedroom that I use as a craft closet and I told them to work on it.  They were so content to have this little space to design, and I needed to fluff things. It sounded like a good plan.
I checked in on them every few minutes, but as it started getting closer to “company” time, I had to go put on my makeup, so I slipped into the bathroom in search of the right lipstick to impress the guests.
I will look like I have it all together tonight, that’s for sure.
They weren’t really close friends, so there was a chance I could pull it off.
And they were going to love my style (and, in turn, love me! Isn’t that the way the world works?)
Ellie comes and stands beside me, trying to get my attention.
“We made it pwetty, momma.”
“Mmm-hmm. I bet you did!” I am nodding like I am listening, but I’m distracted by my own reflection.  
“I can’t wait to see it.” Now for eyeliner. 
“We did the stickers.” Ellie is smiling.  She is really proud of herself.
“Oh, how great! Where’s Abbby?”
“She’s workin’ on it. Wanna see?” 
“Oh, baby, I can’t.  I need to get ready, but thanks so much for your help.” 
“You don’t wanna see it, momma? We were workin’ on it. It’s so pwetty”
“OK, honey, I’ll come see it soon.” I dart into the closet and leave her standing there alone in the bathroom.  I get dressed and brush past her again.
They kept chasing me around the house while I lit candles and vacuumed. They just wanted my attention, but I had a one track mind.  They were so proud of their work and all they wanted was to show it to me, and I was too busy to care. Too wrapped up in myself and my stupid house to listen.  Well, God was about to have the last laugh.
I am taking the guests around the house and showing them the layout, kicking any semblance of normalcy under the bed, telling about this and that and who knows what else.  The girls are dancing one step behind me because they know that the last stop on the grand tour is the master bedroom and I am going to show off their contribution.
I get to the little door and say something like, “And this is what I use as a craft room….” and before I can finish my sentence, I look into the room.
“We did the stickers, momma!!!” They are dancing around and clapping because they are so deliriously excited that they have thought to decorate with stickers, and the stickers are everywhere.
Only, they aren’t “stickers” in the traditional sense.  
They are maxi-pads.
And they are everywhere.
They are hanging from the bookshelf, from the windowsill, from my fabric, from my desk.  It is a maxi-pad party and it is happening.  To me. 
That sticky side is no mess, people, because they are hovering from angles previously unattempted by personal products. 
And I literally start laughing so hard that my children think it is a response to their genius decorating, and they are laughing and pointing and we all just fall on the ground, because really, what else can you do? You have the perfect blouse, the ideal neighbors, the gold record on the wall…..and NONE of it matters.  It is completely negated by the fact that this door just opened and your whole life, your real life, the ugly side of life, just fell out and smacked you on the head.
He had to smack me on the head.
If you have been to my house since the maxi-party of ’05, you will probably notice that I am more laid back with my entertaining style. 
And I am thinking of adding an interior design course for the little ladies. You know I’m not one to miss a learning opportunity…
:)
I hope you got a good laugh out of that one….anyone else have a good “kid-humiliation” story?
Angie

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  • Kayla Grace

    This story had me rollin’. Thanks for a good laugh and good job at your event :)

  • Jenny

    That is too funny…I always thought that those stories in the parenting were made up, but now I know they’ve really happened :)

    I’m so glad everything went great for you Friday night ~

    Jenny ~ http://www.themaddoxfamily.net

  • Carolynn

    Ok, that was hilarious! I don’t have any stories about company coming over, but I did have my carpet ruined because my 2 year old sprayed chocolate syrup all over it–he was “spayin fo bugs”–I definately should have been paying more attention to how fascintated he was with the pest control man:-) Thanks for such a wonderful lesson in humility:-)

  • Julie

    I am crying laughing, that is hilarious. I couldn’t stop the giggles.

    I have a few kid humiliation stories to share. I think they are written on my blog somewhere.

    Praise God for answered prayer and a wonderful time. I knew my Target stalking prayer drive for you was for something big.

  • Elizabeth

    I LOVE that story! I wish I had one as great, even if it means my own humiliation. It would still be fun to tell the story. Maybe someday. . .

  • Jennifer P.

    I am so happy that your public speaking went well. :o )

    I, too, have a maxi pad story…

    you know when you are about 13 or so, and you have the movie and the “talk” at school about how your body is “changing” and that you soon will (oh, wonderful) be bleeding and it is perfectly normal, but you should kind of hang close to the bathroom, and carry “emergency” supplies just in case you start… (and that was a huge, run-on sentence, but go with me, here… :o ) So we each came home that day with a little cardboard school box with several pads in it, and I shelved mine, because I had no need of it, yet.

    I had a 2 year old little sister who shared my room. (yes, this is where my story gets interesting.) And in the next few days, my sweet little sister found my emergency kit and stuck ALL of the pads sideways on our bedroom door.

    To this day, my mom loves telling this story. I can’t figure out why pads look so cool to little girls?

    I think the maxi-pad story would be a good ice-breaker at your next speaking event. (grin) My family sure loves to laugh at me over mine…

  • Alyssa

    I can totally see myself doing something exactly like that! I don’t have children, but understand the desire to impress that goes with entertaining. Thanks for the funny story!

    I’m so glad your speaking engagement went well! Praise the Lord for His guidance and encouragment for us to step out of our self-designed box.

  • da momma

    Thank you for all the smiles you share across the world! Your way of writing and expressing your feelings are so honest and real to us! I truly cant wait to meet you someday!;) I read your blog daily and never comment b/c you always have so many..Im sure its overwhelming and I always ditto everything everyone else has said anyways. BUT this time I was comment #2 so HELLO and thank you for how your story touches so many of us! I know sometimes you may not feel like posting anything, but so many are awaiting your next story. May God continue to bless you and your sweet family! Tell your hubby and the Selah group thank you for what their music does to our hearts! Here’s a big heart from Texas! ~whitney

  • Jennie

    I’m new to the blog world and have been checking out different sites. I came upon yours from one of my friends, The Tale of Two Coins. I was up until almost 4 in the morning reading it from the beginning. I was so deeply moved that all that I have been talking about for the past two days is your blog and what an amazing inspiring person you are. And yes, when I woke up the next morning with my three little devils, my whole face was still swollen from crying. You are my new inspiration.

  • Lewis Family

    OK, I have a great one, but you may have to delete it once you read it! We were playing “Taboo” with some family while we waited out Ike, I have no idea what the word was -oh, now I remember, it was argument-, but the clue given was “something you don’t want your parents to do”. My sweet 8, almost 9 year old boy, says, “Have sex!” Oh, how glad I was to have my husband’s family there to hear (note the sarcasm here)! We took at least five minutes to get back to the game b/c we were laughing so hard. It is good to have our sifties (what we call our kids) to keep us from taking our lives too seriously, and yet remind us of what we really need to take seriously.

  • Kylee

    How funny! Thanks for the laugh! : )

    Glad to hear your speaking in lexington went well!

  • transplantingme.com

    i so needed a laugh today.

    i think the only thing your girls need to learn about interior design is to next time hope for the scented variety. pretty stickers that smell?? how great that would be!

  • amy

    Now, that’s just hilarious! :) YES, I do have a story that involves my twin girls that I know you’ll appreciate. Before we moved to LA, we had our house on the market in TX. I have 4 kids under 4 so, keeping a tidy house for potential buyers to come look at our house on a moment’s notice was NOT fun to say the least. I had gotten a call that a couple wanted to come look at the house and only had two hours to get everything ready. The girls were in their beds napping so, I thought it was perfect and I’d have plenty of time to “fluff” and then load the kids and get out of the house before they came. While I was frantically cleaning, my daughter was busily making “art work” with the contents of her diaper ALL over her crib. YES, ALL OVER HER CRIB…AND HERSELF, AND THE WALLS. My perfect little clean house could have repelled those potential buyers from a mile away once I opened the room to my little girls’ room. Not to mention, I had to dunk her in the tub, scrub her nasty fingernails, scrub the crib and walls, change her sheets, find SOME way to get rid of the smell, dress her, scrub the tub AGAIN, keep the other kids out of trouble, and load everyone up in like 10 minutes! Talk about a FRANTIC mommy!!!!! Believe it or not, those people bought our house! God DOES have a sense of humor! :P

    I am so thankful the speaking event in Lexington went well! Praise God! I know He was so honored by your willingness to step out in faith. He always catches us when we LEAP! :)

    Love you!
    Amy

  • Kelly

    So that chain email is about you? The maxi pad stories are always good for a laugh.

    Glad you “survived” although I had no doubt you would.

  • DeeDee

    How great for God to reveal Himself to you in that way. God is so wonderful at getting our attention. Although I am sure it was quite embarassing, I can tell the God used that interior decorating skills to reveal Himself to you in the only way you needed to understand….that is what He does w/me too!

    It sounds like it was a kinda story that Jesus would of told i.e….the rich young ruler or the parable of the seeds…something that grips our attention.

    My girls are 30 and 27 now so my memory does not recall any stories like this at 11:20 pm (w/nyquil in me) but when I am clearer-headed, I know some will pop in to jog my brain!

    Thanks for sharing this tid-bit….it helps us all!

    Joy, Debi

  • Jenna

    NO WAY! NO WAY! hilarious. This made me snort….yet again!! You have a way, Angie!!!

  • the roberts family

    Dear Angie,
    I absolutely love your honesty and transparency. Thank you for sharing your heart with us! I laughed out loud and could relate. We woman are a lot alike, aren’t we? I am sure many of us (if not all) can relate! ;)
    Thank you for encouraging and inspiring us to walk with the Lord and live life fully. ;)

  • Amber

    I’m not a mom but I do have a friend whose daughter discovered tampons and thought that they made pretty ghosts outside the cardboard! Evidently they got hung all over the house!

    I posted this yesterday but it fits much better here, and Angie, you’re still very much on my mind. Thanks again and glad you made it home okay.

    “I was at the conference in Lexington on Friday when Angie spoke. HOLY SMOKES! It was AWESOME! She did an amazing job, and apart from her revealing that she could not feel her legs, she was a natural…I never would have guessed this was her first time to speak. Her speach was slow, her one liner’s hilarious, and her heart real. Audrey’s legacy has touched my heart and the bravery of the one who shared it leaves me speechless. Thanks, Angie, for your obedience instead of plucking out your eyelashes!”

  • Karen Deborah

    Noble Pig has a funny maxi pad story like yours, but hers were the very large OB kins and they were bascially exploding alll over the kitchen during a nice sit down doctors over dinner. Pretty funny. Glad you laughed. your girls are fun. When you have to speak to a group pretend your bloggin and relaxed and all the people ar ejust bloggy buds that love you.

  • Kendra

    I am SOOO glad to hear the night went well! Praise GOD!
    Thanks for your story- those girls are just too much =-)
    kendra

  • Miller Family

    So glad to hear the speaking engagement went well. Everyone who attended is sooo lucky to have been there. I hope to be able to meet you someday.

    Love the maxi-pad story. It reminds me of an email I got about boys. There is a picture of a little boy who was naked and had stuck maxi-pads all over his little body, covering up where needed as well. I will have to email it to you for a good laugh. Have a great week!

  • THAT GIRL

    “God loves to take the things about you that you feel really insecure about and make you walk through them because you get to see the way He shows up.”

    You hit the nail on the head… troubles always bring an opportunity for joy and endurance… which build character! (James… the book I’ve been meditating on for several weeks)

  • Amy

    Oh my, too funny! My son was just having a conversation with God the other night about interior design. He was telling God exactly how he wanted his house in Heaven to look. Two floors, XBox in every room, no pink…He comes up with something new every day. :)

  • dr. Bray

    I am in the hospital due to my water breaking and my 4 year old son was visiting me.

    The food service man brought in my tray for dinner.
    My son asks the man if he is an elf.

    My husband quickly told my son that just because he is wearing a hair net….that doesn’t mean he is an elf. (he is very odd looking, I will admit.)

    My son replied by saying “I didn’t say that because of thatn hair thing….I said it because of his pointy ears!

    (needless to say we had a talk with our son and I later apologized to the man with the pointy ears!)

  • partyoffivetn

    Not only did you survive, you did an incradible job. Thank you for sharing your heart with us this weekend. And it was so good to meet you and to see your precious family!

  • Megan

    I’m new to your blog and have been so inspired. And this story is absolutely hysterical! I don’t have any as funny, but when my son was 2 1/2 he found a bunch of pads and said, “Wow, Mommy! You wear diapers, too?”

  • HollieHobbie

    Oh my goodness Angie, that is the funniest story I have ever heard (read).
    You are a really good writer, Angie.

  • Megan @ Hold it Up to the Light

    OK, I know that this is not my own little tidbit (which I am sure I have plenty of that I can’t think of right now), but it is one of the funniest ones I have EVER HEARD…and it has had me laughing out loud since I heard it.

    A friend of mine had the following conversation with her 3 year old….keep in mind, her husband is a pastor. Her daughter was showing her some pictures about the life/death of Jesus.

    Child: “This is where Jesus got screwed.”
    Friend: “What did you say?”
    Child: “This is where Jesus got screwed to the cross.”
    Friend: “Honey, Jesus was Nailed to the Cross.”
    Child: “Oh yeah, I forgot”

    ROTF!!!!

  • margaret

    I had my then 3 year old daughter at the clinic for an ear infection. When we came out of the doctor’s office into the waiting room there was only 1 person left there… an older lady that was a little on the heavy side. My daughter looked at me and said (in what seemed to be the loudest and proudest voice ever) “Mom, that lady has a baby in her belly!!”

  • Stephanie

    Angie~
    Oh my goodness…thank you, thank you for the laughs! I don’t know if my story can compare but it still makes me giggle. When my son was about 2 we were at Wal-Mart one day, and like any other Wal-Mart trip it had to invovle a visit to bathroom. So we go into the ladies room and go into a stall for him to do his business when a lady comes into the stall next to us. My son inevitably can hear her start to pee and he starts singing “everbody got to tee-tee, everybody got to tee-tee”…..Yes this does get better! Then she lets out a toot (as we call them)…my sons eyes get wide, and he sings in a nice LOUD voice,” everybody got to toot-toot, everybody got to toot-toot”. I was literally trying my best not to fall out on the nasty wal-mart bathroom floor laughing!
    On another note great job on your speaking event!
    Blessings to you,
    Stephanie Boutwell

  • Krystal

    That was hilarious! Made me laugh out loud! Thanks!

  • Anita J.

    How funny! I am glad your event went well. I was praying for you as well…I thought that one of the verses I was given to pray for you was speaking to the fact that you were very down to earth with the whole situation, but it really wasn’t my place to try and decipher it one way or the other. I am proud of you for facing the fear and going out of your comfort zone. It definitely spurs the rest of us on to step a little further out as we minister. Thanks for that.

  • Jennifer

    You continue to make me laugh! You have a true gift! Blessings for a wonderful week!

  • Joy

    Ok… I truly needed that laugh… it was wonderful.. I can totally see and hear what was going on.

    Joy

  • Tamara

    That was so funny!!! Thank you for sharing about your speaking engagement too. Glad it went so well!

  • Liz

    I loveeeeeee the story!!! And boy do I have a kid humiliation story for ya. Here we go (I can't believe I'm typing this where you & everyone else who comments can see it…)

    First off, I have 3 kids who were born in a space of 4.5 years. They're really close in age & I love it that way. But I must admit, their preschool/toddler years are very much one big blur. ha! One day we went to Burger King. I was alone w/ the kids that day. Hubby was at work. Back then, when someone had to go potty, we all went into 1 stall in the public bathrooms & took turns. They were really too little for me to feel safe sending them alone and we conserved water that way, ya know? Ok, so we're all in the bathroom at Burger King. There are only 2 stalls. This is a TINY bathroom, so anything that is said or done can be heard by the person beside you in the next stall. Here's where the humiliation factor comes in.

    It was my turn to go potty. We had a rule that while it was someone else's turn, you had to stand facing the wall so that each person got the privacy they needed. The kids all had their backs turned, so I quickly grabbed a tampon from my purse & unwrapped it quietly. (after all, if they heard the wrapper crinkle, they would assume I was eating candy & want some!!!) As I was just about to ahem… "use" the tampon, my son turns around to face me & sees the whole thing. He says (loudly) "Mama, why are you poking that stick in your hiney?".

    I almost LOST IT. I KNOWWWW that the person in the stall beside us had to have heard him. I was mortified. As quick as possible, we got OUT of that bathroom. I couldn't figure out how to answer my son, so I just ignored the question in my frantic rush to GET OUT….only that didn't help. He was asking it over & over as I grabbed the diaper bags & ran.

    To this day, I can't go to a Burger King bathroom without cracking up.

    Oh the things us mommies go through. LOL!!!!

  • Kathy

    Oh my gosh! I am laughing. Like really laughing!!!

    I love kids! They truly show you what’s really important!

  • acer4u73

    now that is priceless!!

    leigh=nc

  • ski

    I adore your blog and cry almost every time. Sometimes it is tears of sadness and rememberance and relativity…other times I am laughing so hard I can no longer contain myself!!

    We have a great kid story. our daughter was about 2 and INSISTED on sitting in the cute (but highly annoying) car grocery cart. All had gone well until the check out. She was being WAY too quiet. I rolled the cart forward to get her out. Once I lifted her, about a BILLION 100 grand bars, Kit Kats, Twix and every other imaginable candy within her reach at the check out lane, rolled out of the cart. I wanted to melt! The bagger and cashier were laughing so hard others looked and begain to laugh aswell. My husband and I both just stood there dumbfounded. Our sweet blue eyed bouncing curl little girl looked at us with the biggest doe eyes ever and ofcourse we just smiled and proceeded with the clean up. This might have not been so bad had the Sargent Major of my husbands unit not been the person behind us in line. I remember it so clearly years later (she is now 7) unfortunately, so does the SM!

    We also have another one about a Tennessee State Forrest Ranger and poop in a national forrest, but that will be for another day.

  • Camelia Grace

    Angie,

    I’m the crazy woman who thought she could get to Lexington from Nebraska in time to hear you speak… had a flight delay at O’Hare… and checked in at the Hyatt just as Todd and the girls were walking out. You were talking with a woman in the back and listening in a very intent way, so I didn’t want to interrupt. But I wanted to pass on comments from other women that I solicited the next day (because I had to live vicariously through them):
    1. “She said she was nervous but you couldn’t tell it. No shaky voice, no nervous laugh, nothing.”
    2. “She exudes the love of Jesus. He is so present and real in her.”
    3. “What a beautiful lesson about really experiencing God in a storm.”
    4. “She was FUNNY!!”
    5. (Overheard in the bathroom) “She certainly fits the criteria for a “Brave” woman- this just happened to her in April, did you know that?”
    6. “You could tell her faith was solid before her storm hit- there’s no way she could have been so faithful throughout if she wasn’t.”
    7. I think I heard the word “charming” at least 24 times to describe you. They saw YOU!

    So, from all accounts, your God-inspired presentation was a profound experience for many. Beautiful work. I’m just sorry (and quite cranky with U****d Airlines) that I flew all the way there and missed all but seeing that your family was there to support you. (And did I mention the overnight delay on the way home? Glad I’d just learned an important lesson from the speaker the next day about CHOOSING JOY!

    Camie
    cnitzel1@bigred.unl.edu

  • Jen

    Oh, that’s just gorgeous! I’m pretty sure I have some humiliating sagas as well, but I’m just thanking my stars that so far the ‘stickers’ thing hasn’t happened to me I can’t think of any *wink*

    Good job on Friday! I’m glad you and Jesus were able to walk through that fear and come out victorious.

  • Keri

    Loved the story!! Love how God has a HUGE sense of humor and will make us laugh to ease our anxiety.

    First time speaking engagement for me Friday night and right before I went on stage, they played a movie clip that was not stopped at the right moment. The MC was on stage ready to introduce me as the movie rolled along just in time for a lovely 4 letter word (the S-H word) to be shouted out by one of the actors. It was priceless. The look of the MC, the fact that the pastor of the church was there, the women were all hysterical over it, the tech lady was running around trying to figure out how to make it stop. When it finally stopped, a slide with the words “You put a new song in my mouth” popped up on the screen.

    I knew at that moment that I was going to be ok!

    I prayed for you, Angie. So glad you felt loved and everything went well!

  • MapleCottage

    Angie, what an enjoyable read.. I am sitting here giggling.. I have had a couple of embarrasing moments in my 22years of parenting :D
    I wish I could have heard you speak..you have given Audrey such a beautiful legacy and your faith in the Lord through it all has been amazing. It has been 20 months since we lost our baby boy early in the 2nd trimester of pregnancy.. it is soo difficult and I cannot imagine going through the loss without the Lord.. I know your faith and Audreys story will help many others..
    Many hugs to you!

  • David and Sarah

    Oh do I have a good one!!! My two year old daughter Faith, who is now 8, was helping my mother (her granny) fold clothes one day. According to my mother she picked up a pair of her panties and said “Granny are these your panties? They are HUGE!!!” I just about died when my mother told me.

  • Carrie

    I have a story of my own that involves “light” pads. You know as a parent that getting to go to the restroom in private is near to impossible. Because even if you manage to sneak in there without them noticing…at first…and not standing right next to you as you are taking care of business then they are beating on the bathroom door demanding…I mean politely asking to come in. Well I was on my “monthly” and my 2 year old son had managed to be in the bathroom with me as I was using the restroom and he looked at my panties and then opens my cabinets under my sink and starts digging around and I am thinking what is he doing…he comes out with a LIGHT PAD to give to me. Can you believe a 2 year old boy would think of that? I unfortunately wasn’t at the point of using a light pad so I had him search for the heavier ones…might as well take advantage of him being there…RIGHT? So later that week I am still on my “monthly” and I remember being REALLY busy and had used the guest bathroom and my son comes bouncing in and goes to sit on the edge of the tub like I do when he is going to the bathroom…he is potty training…and then he hops up all of a sudden and disappears. When I come out of the bathroom and go into the living room he comes running to me with a LIGHT PAD and had already taking the backing off for me to use…well I was already done in the bathroom and I was really busy and was standing next to the fireplace and I stuck the pad on there at eye level…thinking I will take care of it in a minute…not sure of the logic there. Well I forgot and it was probably there a few days and I know for a fact that my husband’s best friend saw it but I want to say that we had my 2 year old’s speech therapist over for in house therapy for the 1st time and it was still stuck on the fireplace. I remember wanting the house to look perfect so she doesn’t think I don’t clean my house even though I have 3 kids and stay home with my younger 2 and watch 2 others. It definitely was a lesson in taking time to do something right the first time instead of waiting for ‘later’.

    I just came across your blog the other day and have spent my free time trying to catch up on your post. I am excited to see God using you and your family for his honor and glory…so awesome. I have a friend named Angie who gave birth to her daughter Caroline Grace on Aug 13, 08…she also passed away from the same thing as your precious daughter. Caroline lived almost 2 days with life support but when she got worse and worse they decided to take her off and they had 30 minutes of being able to hold her without monitors strapped to her or the ventilator down her throat. I feel for the loss both of your families are going through…though I have no idea of the pain your experiencing and honestly hope I never will…I have lost a parent at a young age but I couldn’t imagine losing a child…

  • Lynnette Kraft

    Angie,
    I’m so glad your speaking engagement went well and that you didn’t pass out! Yeah!

    I did pray for you. :)

    I also love your story. I’m absolutely sure I have one related to maxi pads (we call them ‘terials – you know like materials), but I’m so tired tonight I can’t remember!

    Glad you survived and even enjoyed your time on Friday.

    Blessings to you.
    Lynnette

  • Wendy

    Oh my! Isn’t it amazing how God sometimes humbles us through the innocence of our children!

    I haven’t experienced too much public humiliation, thank goodness, except for a time when I accidentally broke a candle in a glass jar while browsing in a store. My then-three-year-old daughter yelled in her most horrified “outside voice,” “MOMMY! WHAT did you DO?” Every head in the store turned my way and I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.

    Also, my son once asked me who was babysitting him and his sister at home during our wedding, but fortunately I was able to set him straight about that in private. :)

  • TMI

    I’m so glad God gives us children to help keep us grounded and remember what is important. What a pleasant story, thanks for sharing! I love your site – so uplifting.

  • Stacy

    That was hilarious!

    And I love your posts, every one of them.

    ~Stacy

  • little d

    Thank you for inviting us into your life. What a great story!

    My greatest "humiliation with kids" story involved a baby backpack, popcorn, & the zoo. My kids were then 10 months, 3 yrs & 5 yrs old. After collecting my oldest son from a birthday party inside the zoo, we stopped at the concession stand to buy a carton of popcorn.
    The older two immediately began to fight over who got to hold the popcorn. The concession lady was kind enough to hand me an empty cup. As I poured some popcorn into the empty container, they began to argue over which one had more. So I squatted down to prove I was dividing the popcorn equally. This wouldn't have been a big deal except I was carrying my youngest in the baby backpack & I decided, at the last minute, that I didn't want to get my knees dirty(vanity, I know!). So, rather than place my knee on the ground,I let it hover about two inches above the ground. At which point, my body registered the fact that my center of gravity was strangely out of whack & balanced somewhere near my shoulder blades…
    Some part of my brain registered that I was in serious trouble… Ever so slowly I began to tip backwards and there wasn't a thing I could do about it. I managed to keep my baby's head from cracking the concrete by leaning as far forward as possible. I eventually ended up on my back; with legs sticking straight up in the air, my head straining forward )to try to keep the weight off of my little one), and…Ta Da…still managed to keep a grip on both cartons of popcorn with most of their contents, in tact.
    A turtle on its back, in all its glory!
    My little guy (in the backpack) was screaming bloody murder because my body was putting the squeeze on his. My older two were now crying because some of the popcorn had spilled on the ground. All around us were happy families eating and laughing. And, nobody saw a thing!!!
    I couldn't get up or roll over because of the straps & weight of the backpack with child.
    I hollered a tentative, "Help?" but no one heard me. I continued to holler and finally a kind gentleman turned around and saw me there. He helped me up. By this time we had drawn quite an audience. We left the zoo, with everyone in tears. It was the last time I ever used that backpack!

  • Kether

    Your story was hilarious!

    Around the time that I began potty training my son Liam, we were in a very crowded airport bathroom where *I* had to go. In the stall he starts yelling with glee “YOu made a big poop, Mama! You did it! You made a big poop! Let’s all clap for the big big big poop!”
    He just kept going and I could hear people in hysterics all over the bathroom.

  • missy

    i would think you made this stuff up if you didn’t seem like such an honest person. i wish i could have one of those maxi-pads for every time in high school when my period started and i had to be sent home from school with blood all over my pants.

    i’ve been following your blog for awhile now. thanks for sharing your life with all of us!

  • Alysa

    That is sooooooooooo funny!!!

    I have to tell you I have been away for a while. I read every post to get caught up today and I feel so encouraged! Thank you for continuing to share your life–the good, the bad, the ugly. You are an inspiration to many.

    Congratulations on your speaking event. I am glad you got the first one over with–now you can do more! :)

  • Sara

    I am so happy for you! And I really loved reading all the comments of people who were there when you spoke… did you ever imagine your life was designed to uplift so many hearts? Exciting! :)

    These kids stories are freaking hilarious… I may only have a dog, but I’m suddenly very grateful he can’t talk!!! :)

  • Rachel E.

    Thank you for sharing that, Angie! What a hilarious story. I don’t have any children yet but look forward to the day I’ll have my own “kid stories”!

  • Tara Marie

    I NEVER LAUGHED OUT LOUD LIKE I JUST DID WHEN I READ “They are maxi-pads.”

    I want to meet your girls! They would just make me laugh all day with their cuteness!

    I am so excited that Friday went well!

  • nicholei

    I was literally laughing out loud with that one!! Thanks for sharing that story! =) Glad to hear the public speaking engagement went well. The more you do it the easier it will become. You rock!

  • Jenn

    That is too funny! Did you get a picture of that craft room newly decorated?
    God is good all the time!
    Blessings!

  • Erin

    LOL! that is all I can say!!!

  • Patty

    Ok that is just hilarious. Well lets see…….kid embarrassing moments……a week or two ago i was in the store with my two youngest kids and as we walked past the lingerie dept. my 4yr old son suddenly YELLS “mommy look at those BIG BOOBIES!!” and if that wasn’t bad enough he continued to sing loudly “booby, booby, booby booby booby” all the way to the checkout. He’s child number 4, and he loves his role being the one to embarrass us all.

    Thanks for making me laugh.

  • michelle

    found your blog several weeks ago…from a friend-of a friend-of a friend’s blog…and read it from beginning to end. cried and smiled and laughed and cried. then i just had to thank God for you. you said a lot of things i needed to hear. i suffered a miscarriage just over a year ago and kind of “stuffed” the pain. i can in no way say i know how you felt/feel because i didn’t get that far, but i took much comfort and encouragement from your words. i pray that you also continue to find comfort and encouragement as you and your family continue to heal.

    my just-turned-3 year old has spared me maxi-pad incidents thus far (but plently of other stories too many to mention!)…but my nephew took his mom’s maxi’s out one day, wrapped them around the ends of sticks and sat at their firepit. when asked what he was doing he replied that they looked like big fluffy marshmellows and so he thought he’d roast them!

  • Bev Brandon

    ROTFL…
    my boy at 3 years old came skidding on our hardwood floors with maxi-pads stuck to the bottom of his feet and convinced his 2-year-old siblings to do the same. They were skiing in front of our company…

  • GratefulinGA

    Hey Angie,
    Wondering if you all would have a look over here and see what YOU can DO.
    blessings,
    tammy

  • Jamie

    That was hilarious! It really blessed me, too, because I definitely have some ‘image’ issues when it comes to entertaining. Thanks for keepin’ it real and sharing what the Lord taught you– through the laughter! :)

  • LaVon Baker

    That's hysterical! The whole scenario… too good. Wish I could tell you the girls will grow out of "embarrassing mama" times, but I can't make that promise. My two beautiful girls are now 36 & 34. Both have great senses of humor. When my youngest was in high school, she was 6'3" tall and quite the clown. She always loved shock value. One day she went into Eckerd's Drug Store (remember those?) with me. We parted and a bit later I hear her very loud voice from the next aisle over, "Hey, Mom! Don't forget the tampons!" The bad part was that when she said, "Hey Mom!" I said, "what?" so I couldn't act like I didn't know her! Did I mention that there were other people in the store?
    Just know… it could happen again.
    Thanks for sharing your beautiful family with us all.

  • Christy

    So glad that it went well on Friday night! I have a 16 month old who is in love with all of my “feminine products” right now. Everytime she is in the bathroom while I take a shower, the room gets covered with everything imaginable! Bless her heart! My three year old painted the van with window paint this weekend, too! I just keep reminding myself of how wonderful all the stories will be to bring up later in their lives!

  • Sal

    …ha ha ha ha ha ha h-h-h-huh-huh-ha-ha-ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-snort-heh-heh-heh-haaaa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…etc.

    I was only notating my voice as I heard myself laughing. I’m still laughing even now…I’m so noisy!

    Thanks once again, Ang, for the wonderful imagery!! Your girls are rays of Amusement Sunshine in my life!

    Sal in Japan

  • Wendi @ Every Day Miracles

    Angie, you rock! Great great story, and of course, intermingled with the laughs is the hit you where it hursts lesson that I neded today… :)

  • Midlife Mommy

    Thank you for the smile.

  • Amy Waldron

    I honestly never saw it coming Angie! Thanks for the smile to start my morning! Your blog blesses me in more ways than you will ever know! It brought me back to where I needed to be, to the Lord that I was letting slip through my fingertips. You helped me remember my focus and reason for life!

  • Mandi

    This is HILARIOUS and I so wish that I could have been at the maxi party of ’05 to see it myself!!!

    My baby boy is too young to have any humiliating parenting stories yet but I’m sure many will be told in the future!

  • ~Alicia~

    I cannot believe that seriously happened to you! That is hilarious. Your twins may well be destined to be interior decorators!!

    Thanks for sharing such entertaining little moments of your life… they help us feel like we really know you through your blog.

    I’m glad you “survived”, but we all knew you could do it! You have such a genuine gift for writing and showing Jesus in ways that no one else can.

  • Chelle

    Oh my word! Thanks for starting my day with insane laughter!!!!

  • Ashlie

    my son used to use those pads as shin guards, but not just on his shins….any place they would stick! i’ve even seen him showing my 2 year old the tampon box….hmm. got to find a new hiding place! but then, i’ll probably forget where i hid them!

    in christ alone,
    ashlie (athens,ga)

  • A 5 time mom

    Oh I love children and how they can bring us back to what is important. Thanks for sharing how well your weekend went and the story of your girls method of interior decorating. Love it! I needed a good laugh this AM and you gave it to me. Thanks. I just love your blog.

    Beckie

  • Our Family

    I just posted one on my blog:
    http://mcvayfamily.blogspot.com It has to do with the lingerie department at JCPenney. Maggie wanted everyone to know about the "beautiful things for your boobies AND your booty!!" (panties & bras of course). Her presentation was quite embarrassing as well as her LOUD tone!!! They will do it to you EVERY time!
    thanks for the laugh this morning!
    Daisy

  • Kelli

    OH my goodness. That story was TOO funny! I didn’t see the maxi pads coming!

    I know that stories like this are coming but I am still safe from them with my 6 month old!

  • Amber

    HILARIOUS! I hope you took a picture!

  • Dugans

    i think i just peed my pants!

  • daniella

    Well, my 14 month old hasn’t really gotten to embarass me like that just yet, although she did get a hold of one of my lipsticks one day when I was in the shower and decided to paint the whole town (bathroom) red. She didn’t forget her lips either, no ma’am. It looked like a crime scene but no mistake, her lips were painted perfectly and she didn’t apply outside the lines. I was pretty impressed at her speed and accuracy.

    As for the maxi-pads, I know of a friend’s daughter who thought they were Barbie matresses and decided every room in the house needs to have such a comfortable, convenient spot for each of her dolls.

    And the mom of one of my childhood friends, when he was about 8 years old, walked in on him wiping his forehead with a maxi-pad. She asked him what he’s doing and he replied: “Duh mom, don’t you know these are for wiping off sweat immediatly after riding your bike? You should really try it, it works!” The box of maxi-pads had a picture on it of a lady riding her bike. Well sure! Why wouldn’t an 8 year old think these super absorbent things have any other purpose?

    When you said before that you were afraid of public speaking I thought you were just being silly. I thought, how could such a gorgeous girl with the gift of the ability to weave words in such a remarkable way could possibly be afraid of speaking in a front of a few ladies? Then, yesturday morning I lead worship at church and couldn’t believe how nervous I was even though I’ve done it many many times before. I’m then reminded that it’s NOT about me (even though I’m front and center) and that it’s another opportunity to strip of myself and let Him in on my weakenss to glorify His name and let His strenght be shown.

    I’m glad you did well and that the Holy Spirit rested upon you. While you may never really feel like a “pro” when public speaking, I know that each time, you WILL be covered in prayer.

  • 2sillyboys

    I’m laughing so hard! I have company coming this evening for a week and have been doing the same as you wore doing. Going crazy cleaning to be perfect. Mandi

  • Cindy

    That was definately too funny!
    Your little girls must keep your house full of joy.
    I’m so glad your weekend went so well. God Rocks!!
    Cindy ~ Phoenix

  • Kendra White

    hey girl… can you let me know the perfume name again. I know it is bond 9 “scent of ______”. I cannot remember it. I am going to add it to my Christmas list (i am reasoned it is ok to be a Consumer of Things… during the season:) Thanks for your heart and willingness!… p.s. i put pics of the weekend on my blog!

  • Peas on Earth

    Oh, Angie … what in the world does one say in response to that?? “I’m sorry?” “Hooray!” Wow! I never saw that “punch line” coming. Thanks for the laugh!

    Praise God for your great weekend and for courage and strength beyond yourself! He is so faithful!

  • Monica

    Okay, I’m laughing so hard that I’m crying…the girls in the office think I’ve completely lost it…that was hilarious!!!!

  • Susan

    Hilarious!! Isn’t it just like God to “help” us relax a little in ways we didn’t think about on our own.
    When my brother was little he came across some maxi pads and asked my stepmom what they were. She told him they were for when she had a headache. One Saturday when we were all just lounging around the house he came around the corner with a maxi pad stuck to his forehead. We concluded that he must have had a headache. I almost peed myself I laughed so hard.

  • Lisa

    Oh, Angie, I can relate. I have kids 18, 12, and boy/girl twins 7 There is never a dull moment!
    Thank you for sharing your stories with the world. You have the gift.

  • Katie

    Thank you for sharing this HILARIOUS story! I needed to laugh this morning. I love reading your blog; you are so down to earth and a wonderful writer! God bless your day!

    Katie

  • Marlita

    That is so typical in a family house! I was laughing so hard. My story is we went in to purchase a new bed for my husband and I, when the saleslady asked if she could help us, my 6 year old daughter said ” My parents need a new bed because theirs squeaks really loud!” We just bought a bed and got out of there.

  • Tanna

    I so needed to hear this about your speaking engagement! I get so nervous myself and trying to get better.

    Love the sticker story, aren’t kids great! God sure does have a funny way of bringing us back to reality, huh?

  • Michael, Karen and Morgan

    What a sweet story..too cute! I know I am in for some real fun in the next few years. My daughter is 9 months now and I am looking forward to our own funny stories. I think things like your maxi-pad story keeps one young and gives us a lesson in humility. Thank you for sharing your life so candidly. I really enjoy reading your blog. It gives me a sense of peace as I truly feel the work of the Lord coming through in your writing.

  • Kelly

    That story is pretty hilarious. I guess I didn’t realize that kids actually did that. I’m not sure I would have laughed…I’m afraid I would have punished my kids instead…

  • Tales From the Eurovan

    Yeah, I’ve had to be whacked on the head by God a time or two in order to get my attention!

    Take care,
    Julie

  • All About Pictures

    Crack me up girl you are a riot!

    So, for my story – First for the background. We went on a cruise my husband and I many moons ago and they had this big game on the last day were they would say something and you had to run up to the announcer and show him your number and your item and the first five people to get to him were given points and they all added up to the winner at the end – Well long story short – one of the last things they said was a man wearing a woman’s bra and I am just a little bit competitive to say the least – so I whipped mine out my sleeve like we woman can do when we are changing in weird places and my hubby (being even more competitive than me put it on and ran up there in a jiffy – and of course friends were with us and pictures were taken. Well my sweet four year old happened upon these pics one day…

    The girls were at my hubby’s office with him one day (did I mention he had just gotten promoted and was running this store at this point). Well they were coloring in one of the rooms and one of the women working there came walking in. The girls whipped around and said to her oh, we thought you were our dad – and she says – oh, does your dad were high heels much (since when she walked up they could clearly hear her shoes on the tile) And my little sweety says – well no, but he wears my moms bras.

    Needless to say – he has yet to live that one down and there was a quite a bit explaining to do.

    Have I mentioned -we have no secrets in our house! God bless those daddy’s with little girls too.

    Kim

  • TNKerry

    Oh. That is hilarious. I needed a good laugh. Glad your conference went well. I am terrified of public speaking – so I get your fear.

  • Cherie

    That story has me starting my busy day with a big smile! Thanks for the laughs!

  • shelby1232

    Thank you so much for sharing that story, it had me in stitches ☺
    On a serious side, I saw myself in that entire story, cleaning and preparing, primping, making my house PERFECT, so that ppl will think I am the perfect wife and mom. With my clean house, beautiful, well behaved children, loving husband, gourmet meals, etc. Well life isn’t like that and your story made me sit back and think, WHO CARES!!! I don’t need to impress anyone. So thank you for that reality check, I really needed it!

    Have a great day.
    Fran
    Illinois

  • Erin

    Angie, I prayed for you fervently on Friday! I so hope you continue to share your stories of walking through panic/anxiety because they minister to me in a profound way. Many times I have recalled, in my own times of panic, the story you told about laying in bed not wanting to get out of bed and go to church, yet you put your feet on the ground and were obedient. Recalling that has helped me to be obedient too. Please continue to share :)

    I am so glad the retreat was a success! I knew it would be! And that story is priceless beyond words-thanks for the great smile and laugh! Thanks for being you!

  • Jennifer

    Too funny!!! Those girls are precious! I’m glad Friday went well for you. We all knew it would! :-)

    Jen P

  • Leigh Howe

    Angie,
    I knew when I met you at the retreat that it was God’s plan. I had never read your blog – had never heard your story – but I knew instantly why He brought us together.

    I emailed you late last night after reading your blog. It is an amazing story and Audrey Caroline will forever be in my heart.

    It is my privilege having you as a sister in Christ – and knowing together that “we surrender all.”
    Much love- Heather

  • Cindi

    It’s a good thing I was not drinking anything when I read that. My poor monitor would have been covered. Thank you for sharing that Angie! That is HILARIOUS! I am so glad everything went well this weekend. **Cindi**

  • Cindy

    Good morning! Thank you so much for my morning giggle! The Maxi Party of 05 was delightful!
    I read your whole blog last night and I must say you are a wonderful woman and a fantastic writer!
    Cindy, in So Cal.

  • KaiasMommy

    Hi Angie!

    This is the first time I’ve ever posted a comment, but I just want to tell how much I enjoy reading your blog, and how much I admire and envy your faith, it is something I work towards on a daily basis.
    I also can’t tell you how hard you make me laugh, you are such a wonderful writer, and I must confess I check every day to see If there’s a new jewel to be read! lol
    I also had to ask- Have you read about “MckMama’s” Not Me Monday? You must go to her blog and check it out- we’d all love to read yours! :)
    Take care!

  • Kim

    That is one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard. Again, I say The Smiths need a reality show!

  • ET @ Titus2:3-5

    “I think God loves to take the things about you that you feel really insecure about and make you walk through them because you get to see the way He shows up.” Absolute truth, my sister. Thanks for the much-needed reminder. You are such a blessing!

  • The Golf Widow

    That’s awesome! Subtle the way God works!

  • Ashley Beth

    You are knock-down funny! I can totally relate to that story! How wonderful to know that your speaking event went well – all of our prayers were answered! I too suffer from paniac attacks, the kind where your whole body goes numb, you can’t breathe, and you are completely convinced that you are dying. Calling out to Jesus is what I do too to get past the paniac. And I just remember that it is the Snake who wants to convince me that I’m dying and that I have something to fear when I do, which of course, I don’t because I have life in Christ, as do you! I will pray for us both to be released from the grips of those blasted paniac attacks. Blessings…

  • Ordinary Mom

    That was hilarious! Thanks for the good laugh!!

  • JoLewis

    Once I read your post today I knew I had to read the comments. You have a way of opening up others to share also. I am spending the morning chuckling not only about your story, but all the other stories in your comment section. Maybe you should pick a winner of the most hilarious, embarrasing story of them all. I personally liked the “tee, tee,adn toot,toot” story myself!
    Happy taht all went well Friday!
    HUGS!

  • Bonky’s Mom

    Oh My!!! I love it!

    Thanks for the laugh today!

    http://www.morebonkiesplease.blogspot.com

  • Becoming Me

    Oh my gosh!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am laughing too hard to comment…

  • Darlene

    Oh my gosh! That is soooo funny!!! And it is STRAIGHT out of scripture. I cannot even believe how funny our God is!!!

    from Isaiah 64:6 “…and all our righteous acts are like filthy rags;..”

    I have heard several bible teachers say that the Hebrew word used for ‘filthy rags’ here is equivalent to menstrual pads! true!

    I am speechless at how literal God was with you on this one! Haha.

    Darlene

  • Kristi

    That was cute. In a way, I’m glad it was only maxi’s and not beautiful artwork in permanent marker all over the walls and doors like my child liked to decorate with. LOL!! =o)

  • Party of 5

    My story….
    Its a busy afternoon and Costco and we finally get to the front of the line. The woman helping us ….well..has quite a masculine look to her. ( I think the slang expression would be ‘butch’) This kind lady is trying to chat with my then 2 year old daughter…all the while my daughter is literally slinking back in the cart with fear. The woman finally gives up trying to talk with her but is still standing RIGHT THERE when my daughter looks up at me and says loudly…
    “mommy, was that a GUY or a LADY?”

  • CM

    Oh boy do I! Ha! Which one do you wanna hear? The one where the UPS man sees my 3 year old daughter riding her tri-cycle around in circles completely naked or the one where the pest control man sees same child stradling the stair railing , COMPLETELY NAKED? I even won an online most embarassing contest with the tri-cycle story.

    God has an awesome way of using our children to humble us.

    Thanks for this story! I laughed out loud!

  • Ginny

    I laughed out loud at this one! Too funny! When my daughter was 2 whe was a very good talker and a very LOUD talker. One day we were walking into the grocery store. Her baby brother was in the cart and she was walking along side of me. There was a man on crutches with no legs. His pants were pinned up accenting that he simply had stubs. The rest went like this:

    Her: Mommy?
    Me: Just a minute honey. (I knew that she wanted to ask me about him and I wanted to get a little farther away before we addressed the issue)
    Her: Mommy! (With a little more urgency.)
    Me: JUST a minute!
    Her: BUT, MOM THAT MAN HAS NO LEGS!!! (In her loudest and most concerned voice)

    Had I just bent down when we walked in and addressed her we wouldn’t have had to let the entire store know that the poor man had no legs.

  • Tabaitha Kaye

    That was one of the best stories that I have heard. Something similar happened to her little boy on the 4th of July. One of her sons kept sneaking into her bathroom and she couldn’t figure out what was going on. She went into the bathroom and her other son kept saying “they are duds” refering to the tampons. Apparently, the boys thought that the tampons were fireworks.

    Happy to hear that everything went well on Friday. I know God worked in your heart just as much as he used you to work in the heart of others.

  • Jessica Miller Kelley

    I’m only 6 months pregnant with our first right now, but I’m making a mental note to put those “supplies” on a higher shelf NOW!

    Though, I must admit, the skiing/skating story someone told might come in handy one day if the kids are active and the floors are dirty…

  • new mom in law

    Oh. My. Word. Too funny and yet so very true. Loved this!

  • Harris Family

    Tears are pouring from my eyes because I am laughing so hard!!! SO FUNNY! You can’t make stories like that up! I am anxious to see how the Lord uses my child to humble me! Thanks for sharing. SO glad the weekend was wonderful…I knew it would be! You are amazing and Jesus radiates from you! Of course everyone was going to love you!!! I am still waiting on you to come to Texas to speak…I want to meet you in person!

  • Cherrie

    Oh, it is true that kids keep you humble.
    A few years ago my sis-in-law, Robin, and I were running errands with our 4 kids when my 6 year old son, Mikhael, got a nosebleed. Newly out of the diaper bag stage we were ill equipped and could find no tissue, napkin, or wet wipe. Finally, I dug a maxi-pad out of my purse and handed it to him in the back seat with instructions to press hard. Well, his nose bleed stopped after a few minutes and Robin and I laughed and talked about the important things women talk about and forgot all about Mikhaels nosebleed, believing another minor crisis of mothering was past.
    Our final errand was to drop something off to my father in law, Bob, at the local shipyard where he worked. As he came over to the car, followed by a group of 5 or 6 of his buddies-and keep in mind these are burly guys, manly men, gruff and rough around the edges-Bob proudly told his co-workers he wanted them to meet his grandchildren, and his only grandson Mikhael. Robin and I grinned from ear to ear, knowing our kids were amazing, adorable, exceptional….UNTIL, I saw the look of horror on Bobs face as he and his guy friends leaned in the window as Bob introduced them to his grandson. I turned in my seat, and there, I saw Mikhael grinning sweetly up at his grampa, shining blue eyes, angelic blond curls, and a bloody pad in his lap!!
    Aughhh!!!! It was awful, a story that has become family legend, and caused me untold humiliation.
    And yes, we did laugh. And laugh and laugh. It was that or cry.

  • noahandlylasmommi

    oh my goodness. that is not the first story I have heard that involved maxi pads. What about the one where the woman told her daughter to set the table for company and use the good napkins and she used maxi pads :)

    I knew you would do great on Friday :)

  • Tina Vega

    That has to be THE BEST “bring you to your knees” story I have EVER heard. (And I thought mine was good!) I love that the Lord can make us laugh while teaching such memorable life lessons. I pray I can do half as good a job with my children. I especially like how you dubbed it the “Maxi-Party of ’05″ – I’ll be laughing all day at that one :-)

  • ~ Stephanie.

    Brilliant. I so needed a laugh this morning! Thank you for that!

  • Kyle

    Too funny!! You had me wondering all throughout the journal and then I was laughing!! Kids are so funny sometimes! Praying for your family.

  • LadybugatUAB

    I don’t have kids myself but my sister does. Her daughter was 2 at the time and was learning to use the “big girl potty”. My mom and I took her shopping with us one weekend when I was home from college. For some reason (I have yet to figure out), she loves her Aunt Cheryl to the point that when I am home, she only want to be with me and no one else. Anyway, back to the story. She needed to go to the potty, so I took into the bathroom. The store was unusually crowded and so was the bathroom. So while we were in there, I decided to take the opportunity to use the potty myself. When we were leaving the stall, she looked confused. Then in front of everyone, she loudly asks, “Aunt Cheryl, why do you have hair on your bootom?” I was speechless. How do you answer that? Needless to say, we quickly washed our hands and left. During the rest of our day, I was secretly praying that we would not see anyone who was in the bathroom when we were.

  • Brittanie

    Oh man, I laughed so hard. I was expecting lipstick on the walls or something, but that was pure gold. lol

    I’m glad everything went so well for you on Friday night. I truly believe God gives us our weaknesses to make us grow closer to Him. And if we take our weaknesses to Him in humility, He will make them becomes strengths. (Hugs)

  • Linda

    Ah, the joy of kids!

    My daughter, at age 3, had a slight speech impediment (what kid doesn’t, at that age?) She spoke clearly most times, but any combination of s was hard for her…sm, sh, sn…it just didn’t work in her pretty little head.

    So, we were at Toys R Us shopping for a birthday present, and she was getting a little out of control. I offered her candy if she would just be quiet. You know, those cute little candies in a roll, Smarties. I gave her one and she munched quietly then in a super-human voice, above even the store loudspeaker, she hollered, “I want more FARTIES…I like to eat FARTIES!” Well, several people actually came to the ends of the aisle to see what kid liked to eat nasty things like farts….ugh. For the record, I worked for a solid week with her to learn the sm sound….and for the record, we call them toots, not farts!

  • Cathy

    I’m so glad God used you! His favorite way to use us, I think, are in situations where He doesn’t have to fight us for the glory:) Our pastor likes to say, “God WILL NOT share the glory!” It’s so true and so hard as humans sometimes to grasp. But knowing you like I do (:)through this blog, of course!) I’m sure it was obvious to all there, that your heart is to serve God in anyway you can, and then lives were touched! May He fill your cup to overflowing!

  • Inksstillwet

    I cannot stop laughing! I mean, you know, with you!! Children, they humble us, don’t they?! And the times God chooses to teach us the lessons that “stick” are always such a surprise!
    Blessings, Amy

  • laceylyn

    Hi Angie,
    I am so glad to hear it went well! I thought about you all weekend. I think its funny that you don’t like public speaking, yet you speak to 1000′s on your blog each week. :)

    I think I have stories I should be worried about

    But, I am oblivious to it… We are pretty raw at our house and take things like that as a grain of salt. :)

  • Darlene R.

    Aw Angie, you poor girl! That is too funny!

    I am glad that your conf. went so well. :)

  • FinishStrong

    That was the funniest blog entry yet!! I loved it!!! Bwahaha!

  • Courtney

    That is great! Too funny.

    I had something humiliating happen last Thursday. I had to take my kids to the doctor because they had colds. Before I left the house, my husband and I had an argument about money and different stresses of life. So we leave and go to the Dr. office and my six year old proceeds to tell the pediatrician how mommy and daddy had been fighting this morning and mommy was yelling. I wanted to crawl under the table. To make matters worse, I used to work at this Dr. office. The Dr. just said “sometimes mommies and daddies have to have discussions.” I think I am still red cheeked.

  • The Kahler Family

    Oh, that is so funny! I like you and your family more and more every time I read!
    I was praying for you Friday and kept checking for an update. I’m so happy to hear that it went well!

  • Holly

    That was sooo funny! Thanks for giving me a good laugh today.

  • Angela

    That story was wonderful. I don’t have a kid story yet, but will soon as my little girl gets older. :)

  • Annie

    Oh my gosh! *LOL* Yes, we’ve had our own moments with those darn maxi pads. But nothing like what you experienced. At least you can laugh about it now!

    I’m trying to think of a story to share…the most recent one I can think of is regarding my youngest daughter, Hannah. She is 23 months old. Last month my husband went on a business trip and came home with three stuffed animal frogs for the three kids. Hannah just loved her frog and had to take it with her everywhere we went. Well, one day we were in the grocery store and she was repeatedly talking about her frog. The only problem was that she can’t say frog, it comes out fruck. So she’s walking around the store saying “fruck” over and over again. And believe me, you have to listen carefully to catch the ‘r’ in the way she says fruck. So I had to keep saying, “yes, Hannah, that’s your FROG, isn’t it?” just to be sure no one thought I was modeling poor vocabulary behavior at home. :)

  • Stacy D

    Mine is about a student since that’s all I can really share, but when you teach middle schoolers, there are lots of funny ones.

    Okay.. I actually thought of two.

    1- The first is from when I taught the “family life” (a.k.a. “sex ed”) unit to my 5th graders. The students watched two videos… one on “girl changes” and one on “boy changes.” The kids could anonymously write questions that they had on index cards. One of the questions I received (in boy handwriting nonetheless)read, “So is it when the egg hatches that a baby is born?”

    2- The second one is from one of my 6th graders who found a small snake in the boys’ bathroom at school. (The school is a really old building). I asked him what he did with it, and he said he put it in his pocket. Of course, when he checked his pockets, the snake was no longer there. The next morning, he said that the snake made it home safely and he was keeping it in a glass jar. When asked how he got the snake home, he said, “I forgot that I put it in my wallet.” His wallet happens to be made of plastic and has a big Superman emblem on it :)

    I won’t be able to chekc your blog tomorrow to see if I am a winner or not because Isaac’s birthday is tomorrow and I will be in the hospital.

    Glad to hear your speaking engagement went well.

    ~ Stacy

  • Ang

    That was sooo funny! I, too, have several moments like that, but one stands out!

    I had just had my second son. My two year old and my two year old nephew (they are both now four) decided that they would clean my house for me. I had a tough time with Haydon and my blood pressure, so I was on a lot of medication and kind of out of it when I came home. The boys were playing in the playroom. They had been quiet for a while, so I thought I would check on them. When I entered the room, they announced that they were cleaning. They were scrubbing away! However, they were scrubbing and spraying Pledge Wood Revitalizer on everything in the room! It was on toys, the floor, the wall, even in the bedroom on the sheets and comforter. I was mortified! They were so proud of themselves for “helping” me. If you have ever tried to clean this up, it is awful! It is like rubbing vegetable oil on everything and then trying to remove it. Needless to say, I haven’t ever bought anymore Pledge Wood Revitalizer and I will never forget this. I had just had my house cleaned and people were stopping by to see the new baby.

    It was a moment for one of those “happy pill” souvenirs from childbirth!

    Glad you survived your weekend!
    Angie

  • Carrie

    LOVE YOUR STORIES!

    I have two submissions (neither compare to yours, but they’re still funny).

    On the 4th of July this year, we were on the way home from fireworks and I was singing loudly. We were with my parents and having a good time when Aiden (5 yrs old) shouts, “Mom … you’re driving me up to my nuts!” WHOA! What???? I calmly asked him what he meant and he said, “You know, like making me crazy.” Whew … I was driving him nuts or up the wall, but still, the picture (and new saying among my family) is still funny. The same child took a shower with his daddy once and only once because I walked in to hear Aiden say, “Dad … get that out of my face!” I am still too afraid to ask what was in his face!

    Then there was the time when I was enjoying a bubble bath and my youngest, Logan – about age 18 months at the time, walked in. He stood by the bath and pointed to my, well, female region down south and said, “Yuck.” I agreed and started yelling for my hubby to come and get him. At the exact moment my husband walked in my son looked at my chest with his eyes wide opened and said, “WOW! WOW! WOW!” Yep, starts at an early age.

    Keep the funny stories coming!
    Carrie – http://clhcorner.blogspot.com/

  • Jonathan & Sarah

    That's hilarious. I'll be sure to make sure that "stickers" are really "stickers" with my 2 yr. old.

    As for our story, it's funny to me at least…. My husband agreed to stay home with our very active 2 year old Noah so I could go to the grocery store. He called me & said, "You're either going to think this is funny, or you're going to be upset." I thought- great. He explained that he was trying to get some work done & Noah was playing with a little alligator toy. Then he realized he hadn't heard Noah in awhile. He called out to him & finally heard him in the distance saying "oh no! Alligator!" When my husband got to the bathroom, Noah was facing the back of the toilet, sitting IN it, hands, legs & all….saying "oh no! Alligator!" He had dropped it in the toilet & tried to retrieve it. So when I hear this, I asked my husband, well did you give him a bath after that? His response- "Oh don't worry, I 'Purelled' him with sanitizer."

    Yeesh!

  • Jonathan & Sarah

    That's hilarious. I'll be sure to make sure that "stickers" are really "stickers" with my 2 yr. old.

    As for our story, it's funny to me at least…. My husband agreed to stay home with our very active 2 year old Noah so I could go to the grocery store. He called me & said, "You're either going to think this is funny, or you're going to be upset." I thought- great. He explained that he was trying to get some work done & Noah was playing with a little alligator toy. Then he realized he hadn't heard Noah in awhile. He called out to him & finally heard him in the distance saying "oh no! Alligator!" When my husband got to the bathroom, Noah was facing the back of the toilet, sitting IN it, hands, legs & all….saying "oh no! Alligator!" He had dropped it in the toilet & tried to retrieve it. So when I hear this, I asked my husband, well did you give him a bath after that? His response- "Oh don't worry, I 'Purelled' him with sanitizer."

    Yeesh!

  • Megan

    Here is one!

    I was fresh home from the hospital with my first son and when I got to church (we were just a very tiny church at the time) my Pastor welcomed me back in front of everyone and asked to hold the baby. He was walking up and down the aisle with him and you heard this loud obscene noise and then even more noises. Wet nasty noises. Pastor was holding Matthew in the palm of his hand as Matthew was taking the loudest poo I have ever heard. Pastor just said I think he really wants him momma and handed him back. The entire church heard this. I was so mortified lol.

  • Dawn

    Ang – you are awesome. I have a story that just happened yesterday involving my almost 5-year-old son. We were at church and my husband and I had left our son in the cry room with another family and kids who were in there playing. I told him that he had to stay in the room and no fighting. My husband and I then sat in about the third row from the front on the left section. We have three sections in our sanctuary with an isle separating each section. About half way through Pastor’s sermon, I look over and see our son crawling up the isle towards our Pastor. I nudged my husband and called out to our son in a whisper. By then, our son was to the front where Pastor was, stood and asked if Pastor knew where his parents were. My husband was then right behind him….. come to find out, he had crawled up and down the other isle first and around the back to find us. What did he want…. “Can I get a drink?”…..

    Thanks for your wonderful and touching writings.

    Dawn

  • Sarah

    I needed a shot of humor this AM.

    Here is one of my MANY humiliating stories. I have 5 kids, and they don’t seem to have filters as standard equipment.
    My husband and I were visiting my parents. They were entertaining a Missionary family from Guam. There were several couples there, and my kids were the only kids there. My son Jonah was 4 at the time, and the missionary wife Joyce was talking with him. They had been discussing various things for about 10 minutes when she came outside giggling. I was worried and asked “Oh no… what did he say?”
    She re-enacted the conversation for me which went something like this:
    Jonah- “Hey what is your name?”
    Joyce- “my name is Joyce.”
    Jonah- “where do you live?”
    Joyce – ” We live on an island called Guam.”
    Jonah- “What kind of animals live there?
    Joyce- “Well, we have all kinds of cool animals. Snakes, spiders, lots of fish… etc.”
    Jonah- “Do you have sharks?”
    Joyce- ” Oh yes! We have all kinds of sharks. (describing the water life that are in Guam) We even have whales!”
    Jonah-serious as could be “I was in a whale once. I was in his tummy for a couple a days, and them he throwed me up”

    Remember that there are many potential supporters at this dinner, they all heard this.. I am sure they are wondering what we are teaching our son..

    Oh… 2 days later his imaginary friend “Cowboy” sprayed the hose into my Mom’s patio door right into her bedroom. Daddy quickly told him that Jonah was getting in trouble for what “Cowboy” had done. hmmm.

  • Eliz

    Ok, I’ll share!!

    About 3 years ago I was pregnant with my dd who had a severe heart defect and possibly Down Syndrome (which btw, she does have). We had decided not to tell our boys about the possibility of DS as it would be confusing…but I should have known that my oldest son (age 5 at the time) would have figured something out…he’s WAY smarter than us!

    As the time came closer for Meg to be born, a few friends from church came over to pray with us. That day my son asked if he could pray too and we said yes. As everyone was taking their turn to pray I could feel my heart healing! It was such a powerful time of prayer! And then my son spoke…

    As he was praying, in his beautiful childlike way, he ended the prayer by saying, “And Lord, please help my sister to come out the right color. In Jesus’ name Amen.”

    Everyone opened their eyes with a questioned look on their faces and my husband, being the brave one, asked! “Son, what did you mean by the ‘right color’?”

    My son responded…”well I heard you and mom talking one night about the baby having BROWN SYNDROME and I would just rather she be the same color as us”.

    Everyone in the room started chuckling as we quickly explained what Down Syndrome actually was! By the time we were done everyone had tears in their eyes, mostly from laughing!

  • Erin Nusbaum

    That is classic! I actually have a story about me when I was around the age of 7/8 (I am 25 now). I remember going outside to our family van during my sister’s high school volleyball game and looking for something to play with. I got into the glove compartment and found a tampon. I had no idea what it was at the time, ya know. So I unwrapped it and pulled the cotton part out, thinking about how super soft it was. I thought for some reason it was a kleenex that you stuck up your nose! So I went back into the gym with it stuck up my nose and walked up the stairs to my parents. People were looking and me and laughing and I had no idea why. Needless to say, my parents were mortified. I really wasn’t embarressed since I didn’t know I did anything wrong. LOL Oh well! Good Times! :)

    Thank you for such an inspiring blog!

    Many Blessesings,
    Erin

  • Caleb, Lindsey, Alexis, Caleb jr., & Colson

    Don’t kids say and do the funniest things? I love reading your blog. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. You’re so personal and real, and I love it!! My funny kid story involves my 3 yr. old son. We were at a dr.’s appt. for my 1 yr. old. At the time he was still a baby. It was one of those well baby check-ups. The dr. came in, asking how things were. My 3 yr. old proceeded to show him his pirate tatoo, and then tell him he had on pirate underware. thankfully my dr. has 4 boys, so this was all amusing to him. The dr. begins to check out the baby. With boys they always check out the privates where they were circumsised to make sure nothings growing back. When he was finished checking him, my 3 yr. old says, ” Dr. did you touch Colson’s pee-pee(his word for penis)? We don’t touch people’s pee pee.” I of course could not help but laugh. First the underware, then the comment on his private parts. Oh my. Even the dr. couldn’t help but laugh.

    Thanks for all your encouraging words.

  • Caleb, Lindsey, Alexis, Caleb jr., & Colson

    Don’t kids say and do the funniest things? I love reading your blog. It makes me laugh and cry at the same time. You’re so personal and real, and I love it!! My funny kid story involves my 3 yr. old son. We were at a dr.’s appt. for my 1 yr. old. At the time he was still a baby. It was one of those well baby check-ups. The dr. came in, asking how things were. My 3 yr. old proceeded to show him his pirate tatoo, and then tell him he had on pirate underware. thankfully my dr. has 4 boys, so this was all amusing to him. The dr. begins to check out the baby. With boys they always check out the privates where they were circumsised to make sure nothings growing back. When he was finished checking him, my 3 yr. old says, ” Dr. did you touch Colson’s pee-pee(his word for penis)? We don’t touch people’s pee pee.” I of course could not help but laugh. First the underware, then the comment on his private parts. Oh my. Even the dr. couldn’t help but laugh.

    Thanks for all your encouraging words.

  • Jenna

    I have a funny story from when I was a little girl. My 2 brothers and sister were with my parents eating at Ryan’s Steakhouse after church one Sunday monring when my parents happened to run into a few friends and “talked” forever! So all 4 of us kids went to the dessert buffet gradded a bowl full of gummy bears and went back to the table. Remember, it was Sunday morning and my mom always worn panty hose. So all 4 of us got under the table with them and we started licking the backs of the gummy bears and threw them on my moms legs! She didn’t feel a thing. So as we started to leave everyone started laughing at her and pointing at her legs. Needless to say, my mom had legs full of gummy bears because we all got bored with the adults talking for oh so long! To this day we love to share this story.

  • julia and andy

    I think I missed the deadline, but I’ll share a cute one anyway. I have two girls that are 17 months apart and a boy that is 3 years younger than my second. Point: my son has grown up with one real mom and two older sisters that think they are moms too. When he was beginning to talk (don’t know when that was, b/c,well, he’s my third and I never wrote anything down by then), I was asking him things like, “how old are you?, where’s your nose, etc.” I asked him what his name is and he says, “Nathan.” I asked him what his full name is (expecting a first and last name) and he says, “Nathan Andrew Schmidt That’s a No”. He seriously thought that was his name!! julia.

  • val

    That was too funny!!

    Along those lines…my daughter, upon inspecting my bathroom closet found my pads. In an effort to avoid a long conv w/ a 3 yr old, I said they were for mommy's special booboos. Well one day we stopped at Target(as we did every Sat when she was little). We were in the bathroom & she was in the stall w. me. I had gotten my monthly friend & was out of tampons so I had a pad that day. When I sat down & she saw the pad she loudly announced to a full bathroom, "Mommy, do you need a new band aid for your special booboo?" I then heard chuckles come from all around me. I think my face was redder that the Target logo when I finally emereged after trying to flush myself.

  • The Potocniks

    Angie-
    LOVE your blog, read it every week and laugh often, you’re a fantastic writer.

    I do have two stories, don’t know if it’s to late to submit them:

    1) We just adopted a little girl from China in March. Before she got here, my then 4 and 5 year old biological boys were arguing about whether they were adopted or not! The 5 year old kept saying ‘We were NOT adopted’ while the 4 year old was insisting that they were. Finally, the 5 year old said, ‘Rudy, Mommy told you…boys come from their mommies’ tummies, girls come from their Chinas.’ Yep, I was laughing so hard I was crying as I pulled the car over.

    2) Just last week I took a friend’s 4 year old son to the zoo with us to give his mom a quick break (she just lost her mom to Cancer). Kail was showing me the Kookaburas (Australian bird) and suddenly got SO excited, saying ‘Come look at this! You have to see this!’ He was pointing to the bowl of water in the bottom of the birds’ cage which contained water, two dead mice, and a big blob of white bird poop. He then said, ‘That is so cool—there are mices in there for the birds to eat and ranch dressing for them to dip in!’ How great that our zoo now offers condiments to the animals.

    I have so many, but those are my two favorites at the moment.

    Take care!
    Alissa
    http://www.leilagrace.blogspot.com

  • Kimberly

    Ok…it was show and tell in kindergarten…my little brother took it upon himself to prepare for the event himself. He went into the bathroom of my older sister and found a tampon…he drew ears, eyes and nose on it (of course it already had a tail) He then made a home for it in a shoebox…the next day he very proudly strutted into his kindergarten classroom and announced to his teacher that he brought his “pet mouse” for show and tell. She apprehensively opened the box…and at that moment wished very hard it was a real mouse!…The funniest part is she could not control her laughter but did not want to discourage my little brother’s “creativity” because it really was an innocent creation…so she got up and said she needed to go to the office and told the aide to come over and take care of show and tell…she left her there with 20 staring eyes…all waiting to see his “pet mouse.” Just for the record my brother was the youngest of 6 children so that is how he handled that all by himself!

  • Kate F

    Hi Angie, I love your blog :)
    I don’t have any kids of my own yet, but my sister has her hands full with five under 7! Her second oldest is a particularly smart and fiesty almost-six-year-old boy, Tucker. One day in Target, Tucker was acting up and my sister gave him some sort of a “if you don’t knock it off you’ll be sorry” kind of a warning. His response (loud enough, of course, that everyone around could hear)?? “Mom, all you want to do is beat me up” After her initial embarrassment wore off – we all had a good laugh about that one! :)

  • Kookie Krums

    That story had me rolling too!! Mental note, put all the “monthly supplies” up in a very high cabinet!!

    I have a story from my girl . . . When she was about 2 1/2, my husband was out of town for work, and was gone for several weeks. I took Hailey with me to the FedEx office to ship a package, and of course there was a very long line. On the wall were posters of the FedEx men with their package in hand, displaying various slogans. As the line inched forward, my impatient daughter began wandering around. She walked up to one of the posters and said “Mommy, is that my daddy?” I just laughed like “isn’t she the cutest thing?” and said “no darling, of course not.” She walked up to EVERY poster in the place and asked the same question . . . and THEN . . . walked up to the scariest looking man in the line and said “Mommy, is HE my daddy?” Sheer embarassment was all that it was. I tried to explain (very loudly) that Daddy was out of town working but of course would be home soon, but I just know every person in the place thought I was a girl that got around and my poor child didn’t even know her own father!!

  • Abbie

    A friend’s 3-year-old while walking through the pharmacy section of Target: “Look, Mommy, those are the ‘vagina sticks’ you have at home!”

    Same little girl after learning about states in preschool, talking to her Grandpa about a US map: “Grandpa, Florida is the pe**s of the world.”

    Thanks for sharing your life through your blog. I am blessed.

  • Lees

    Ok, not a proud moment but definately God teachimg me lately that it is important ALL the time WHO I AM infront of my kids…

    Noah (my two year old) was running a 105 fever last week and I had him in the bath tub to get it to come down. My one year old twins (Matt and Addie) were in the pak-n-play in the other room expressing their complaint of the sudden caging…

    Noah is playing in the tub – those adorable little red cheeks glowing with his fever. I was just relishing the moment watching him play with his toys and praying that he would feel better.

    He got really still and said, “mom – what that?” I asked him what was what. “What dat noise?” I didn’t hear anything… since my husband was not yet home – I got a little spooked…

    Then he said, “Daisy barking”. Daisy is our great dane who had been banished outside while I got the fever and twins under control. “yup, I hear her.” Then all of a sudden in a total poltergiset voice… Noah says, “SHUT UP DUMB DOG.”

    As I am trying to choke back a laugh and yet trying to be serious at the same time… I asked Noah, “Did mommy say that today?” “uh-huh” “Oh Noah, that is NOT nice. Shut up is a bad word and so is dumb.”

    With his bambi eyes – he looked at me full of concern. “Oh no, mommy. Go sit on step NOW.” (The step is THE timeout place in our house.

    Oh, to see ourselves in all our glory. Made me smile at God. Such a gentle reminder that I need to watch my words, my action and my voice (is that how he hears me when I raise my voice?)….

  • Life is Love

    I love your writing. I have one quick story.
    I do daycare at my house and about two weeks ago, one of my little guys got of the bus. I of course ask how school was. He said good and that, “Tonight, we have an outhouse.” I asked him again and he repeated. I had to think about this for a minute and then my daughter went, “Yeah mom, we get ice cream tonight at our OPEN HOUSE!” Some kids just love the woods!
    :)

  • Wanda

    Funny, for sure! My cousin once asked his mom when they were going to get to use those shoe pads(aka maxi pads) in their tennis shoes?!?! She was so embarrassed and didn’t quite know how to respond.

    Here’s my funny!

    Several years ago when my children were birth to preschool age. My husband was being ordained as a deacon. Hubby had to go in early for the “firing” squad of questions that are common in Southern Baptist churches.

    When I arrived that evening for the service, another deacon’s wife was helping me get my kiddo’s to the nursery….I had a baby in one arm, a 2 yr. old on one hand and a big 4 yr old brother holding little sister’s hand. My 2 yr. old says….I wanna go see my daddy!!! My wise little boy Gavin says…..”Oh no…we can’t go see daddy, sister…he’s being worshipped!” (said with lots of dramatic inflection)

    The deacon wife helping me cracked up laughing….and I said…”Umm, Oh no…daddy’s not being worshipped…he’s being ordained!”

    I’ll never forget his sweet little innocence. Too sweet!

  • Kendra

    I love your blog Angie.. I cannot recall any stories of my own at the moment but a few years ago my sister (who coaches gymnastics) had a little girl in one of her classes who happened to stumble apon a tampon… when my sister came across her the girl had it hanging out of her ear and said look teacher.. its an ear plug..

  • Brandee

    When my son was 3 years old, we had a really hard time keeping him with us when we would go grocery shopping. He always wanted to run out ahead of us, sending me into panic mode…I just knew he was going to get run over by a shopping cart. So on one of my shopping trips my son is being a little more rambunctious than normal. He is running all over the place and turns the corner, into the greeting cards isle and loses his footing. He begins to fall and he grabs for the closest thing to catch himself on….a man’s *ahem!* I’m humiliated! Not only do I look like the mother that is incapable of tending to her child but this too?!? I literally had to tell my son “let go” before he would let go LOL The man, who was as white as a ghost, was a great sport about it. I apologized profusely and explained to him how embarrassed I was. He just smiled, shared with me that he was looking for a card for his wife because they had just found out that they had miscarried and that my son and this “incident” made his day. Funny how God works, huh LOL!
    (by the way, my son ended up in the shopping cart after this incident even though he thoroughly protested it….)

  • Nodaknitter

    Angie, Angie, Angie ~ your openness and sense of humor do so much for me! And don’t take this weirdly, but I love you! I do not have any children (yet) but I was a child once….albeit more years ago than I’m ready to admit just yet. (I turn 28 on Sunday, good gracious….) I do recall a story my mother told about me embarassing her…..

    When I was 2, she was doing her best to potty train me. For every step accomplished and for every task “dutifully” carried out, I would get a reward. Well this particular day – was a big day. Mom told me that if I went poo-poo in the potty, she would take me to Baskin Robins for the ice cream cone of my choice.

    I might be approaching 28 years old, but I have never outgrown my love for Baskin Robins or their ice cream. This was a huge deal for me.

    The triumphant moment occured and I did the deed in the place I was supposed to. Hand claps and smiles and hugs later, it was time for a reward.

    Mom, bless her heart, held true to her word and in the car we went to get my ice cream cone.

    Apparently, on the way over there, Mom had been prepping me…..as in trying to make it clear that this was a special day for *me*, and I wasn’t to tell anyone why I was there. I got it, I understood, and I was focused on the tasty dessert.

    We walked in and approached the counter, getting in line behind a father and son. I immediately tapped that little boy on the shoulder and when he turned around, I asked in my most proud (and loud) 2-year-old-voice, “DID YOU POO POO IN THE POTTY TOO?!”

    We got our ice cream to go….

  • BartlettPear

    OK, I’ll share. When I was 8 mos pregnant with my second child, I was sent home for a day on bedrest because of pre-term labor. While I was resting, my 4-yr old daughter played on the bed. She eventually got up and decided to brush her hair at my dressing table. Because we were waiting for new bedroom furniture to be delivered, the contents of both our dressers were in various laundry baskets on the floor. Awhile later, she was in her room and things were VERY QUIET (DANGER! DANGER!). I called out to her, and I heard her muffled voice coming from her closet, which is where she hides when she’s done something naughty. I lumbered down the hallway to find her, and when I opened the door, she was wearing a tank top and her arms and face were very shiny. “I’m sorry, Momma,” she said. “I used all of your new makeup remover to take off my makeup. And I spilled the rest in my closet.” I quickly went back to my dressing table – and my new container of makeup remover was still there – untouched. Now I really panicked. I asked her to show me the bottle, and she proudly presented me with a sticky, slimy – and empty – bottle of personal lubricant that I kept in my top dresser drawer for intimate moments with the hubby. I had to scrub her down 3 times in the tub because she was so slippery…

    And in case you’re wondering, Astroglide does NOT come out of carpet easily.

  • sheila

    Thank you Lord. I knew you would be great!! With 4 kids, I have lots of stories: I was having a yard sale one day and to keep the kids occupied I let them paint using shaving cream on their outside table. What fun, what a creative mom I am, God does have a sense of humor. As I am helping some people gather their things (my junk), my 2 yr old boy comes running towards us naked, with shaving cream covering every inch of him trying to scare me, his sisters had decided to cover him, do his hair and let him loose. With my first daughter, I just knew that I should teach my children the proper terms for her anatomy. She was the only one. When she was four she had one of those little new testament bibles, the ones where it shows Chinese lanaguage in the beginning, China was always her thing, no idea why. But one day she said ‘Do the ladies in China have a vagina’? UH?? What??? ok. now, before you go to preK we will be replacing that word. Or there are so many and they are still young. But what a joy. In God’s Love, sheila

  • Everyday Thoughts

    I have a funny kid story for ya…I was visiting my brother and sister in law in Arizona a few weeks ago (I am from Michigan). They have a girl and a boy – Brooklyn (4.5 yrs), Kaleos (almost 2) and my son was there as well, Caleb (15 months)….well, my sis-in-law and I were sitting on the couch chatting as the kids played around us. We suddenly noticed that things were very very quiet. Strange for kids of that age.

    SOME BACKGROUND INFO: Well, you have to understand that Brooke SWEARS that she is Annie (from the movie) and INSISTS on you calling her Annie!

    Back to the story: My my sis and I finally decided we better get up and see what they were up to…..so, we found them in Brooklyn’s bedroom with the two boys (the younger ones) on their hands and knees crawling around with ribbons around their necks and Brooklyn dancing around in her white and red polka dot dress singing Annie songs AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS.

    That was so funny in itself but when we asked her what she was doing she replied “I am Annie and these are my two dogs!” We rolled on the ground laughing as we pleaded to Brooklyn to take the ribbons off their necks! (By the way, the boys didn’t seem to mind at all! :)

  • Deborah

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again…. You are a hoot! I love your blog!!

  • busy momma

    I might have been almost as embarrassed when my sweet boy who potty trained way earlier than most little guys, pulled down his pants in the CHURCH parking lot after a Bible study one Monday and peed on a fire hydrant!! Thank goodness it was on a Monday and the parking lot wasn’t a packed house like it is on Sundays!!
    I was totally into my conversation with the new friend I had just made and because there weren’t many cars I allowed him to let go of my hand and run in the grass to the hydrant he kept pointing at. Little did I know he was trying to show me that it was a great potty spot. You see, potty training him was a breeze because it was in the Spring….we spend lots of time at the ball fields with my coach hubby….trees are the most convenient thing sometimes when you are a little boy needing to tee tee. FIRE HYDRANTS though, don’t quite provide the privacy of a big trunk of an old oak tree!!
    Thanks as always for allowing us a glimpse into your life and sharing in laughter with others :)

  • Monica

    YOUR STORY CRACKS ME UP! I LOVE IT WHEN GOD INTERVENES AND ALLOWS HUMOR TO REMIND US WHOS IN CONTROL :) On the subject of pride involving our children. I was so “proud”. PERFECT NIGHT FOR THE PERFECT MOMMY AND HER 2 PERFECT BOYS :) ) We had finished their bath early, read our bible story and were settling down to say our prayers. Our youngest was finished and was listening patiently(or so I thought) to our oldest finish up his prayer. The next thing I know the innocent 4year old is singing to Jesus and before I had a chance to react, his older brother(somewhat ill for the interruption) says: “Landon, you don’t sing the THONG SONG to Jesus! It was such a “proud” momemt! God had came on the seen and reminded me to fill our hearts and minds with Him, not things (or songs) of the world! Have a great day from one blessed mom to another!

  • MommyRachelle

    too cute!
    We have in our house what we call Chi-isms in honor of my daughter. Most recently, she has come up with these:

    Ear and eye “infections” given by local Lions Club volunteers to First Grade students.(she says her infection confirmed good vision an hearing…)

    and the use of “hanitizer” before touching baby “brudder”

    Not as funny as yours,and not humiliating, but a bit of chuckle in my day!

  • lilfella

    My toddler uses sign language. He “says” drink by sticking his finger up his nose. I have proof: http://lilfella.wordpress.com/2008/09/01/pop-quiz/

  • Ashley

    I’m so glad that this past weekend went well; I’m sure all who were there were blessed!

    We’ve had plenty of embarassing and funny moments over the past three years, but a recent one happened at the pediatrician’s office.

    My daughter who’s 3 had a cold that wouldn’t go away, so we finally went in to the see the doctor. When the doctor came in, Caroline was sitting on the table and wanted to show the doctor her “boo boos” and she pointed them all out and the doctor dutifully looked at all of them before doing the actual check up. The doctor then asked her, “Caroline is everything else okay?” To which Caroline replied with a very sad face, “My mama spanked me.” I was appaled. I don’t spank my child (and I’m not passing judgment on anyone who does, we just don’t do it and don’t need to).

    What do you say to that? I didn’t want to sound defensive because I thought that might make me seem guilty. All I could think of to say was, “Caroline, I don’t spank you.” And Caroline replies to the doctor, “Yeah, her do!” I had to drop it after that b/c I figured that our doctor has kids and hopefully she understands. And if she called protective services on me, surely I’d pass their investigations, right?

  • mamma2

    Well, unfortunately I wasn’t able to check this blog before 10:00 this morning but I still had to leave my comment.
    At my grandmother’s viewing last week my 5 year old cousin all of a sudden blurts out “My panties are going up my crack.” Despite the sad situation all of us standing near hear had to laugh.

  • Christina

    I do not have children (I am only 21), but my father is a minister. We were in church one Sunday when I was about 4 years old. My dad was in the middle of his sermon and he was telling a story to reinforce a point the scripture made. The story he was telling came from one of my picture books. Well, evidently he didn’t know the book very well, because he got to a part, and I stood up and yelled “That’s not the way it goes! It goes like this….” My parents say everyone was almost rolling on the floor laughing while I just went on and on about this book.

    I pray someday I might have kids and make these kind of memories!

    Christina

  • Nicole

    That is too cute!

    My daughter who is 3 recently had to go to the bathroom at a soccer game. The only restrooms around were port-a-potty’s. My mother n law took Baylor and returned very quickly laughing. She informed us that Baylor was “NOT going to go potty in a trash can!!”

  • Mike and Brianna

    How cute! Love this story. I have some friends coming tonight and I think that I am going to tone down the cleaning plans I had. They will still love me even if my house is a little dusty right?

    Glad your speaking engagement went well!

  • Sunny

    My boys are still rather young, (1 & 2), so I have yet to be embarrassed. But Oliver, my oldest, has started saying things that just catch me off guard. For instance…
    The boys are in the tub and I give Oliver his toothbrush.

    Me: "Oliver, brush your teeth."

    Oliver: "Whan too-paate Momma. Peeaas."

    Me: "Okay, here ya go. Say thank you Momma." (Put toothpaste on his toothbrush.)

    Oliver: "Tank-ooo Momma."

    [Liam starts whining, wanting Oliver's toothbrush.]

    Me: " Liam, you want a toothbrush too?" (Give Liam Justin's toothbrush.)

    Oliver: "Miam whan too-paate too Momma."

    Me: "No bud, Liam is too little for toothpaste. He can't have any."

    Oliver: "Ollvr got toopaate, Momma."

    Me: "Yes, well you are a big boy, Oliver and Liam is still too little."

    Oliver: "No Momma, Ollvr a man."

    Me: (Looking astonished and covered in water…) "Well then, excuse me. Oliver is a man."

  • Abigail

    Along those lines is the “airplane sticker” story.

    The little boy was so enthralled with airplanes and couldn’t get enough of them. Stories. Pictures. Books. Movies. Every type of airplane. One day, to his great delight, he found the huge stock of airplane stickers at his home. Why hadn’t mommy told him about this?

    Imagine her surprise when she entered the bathroom to see her son beaming proudly and displaying all of his “airplane” maxi-pad stickers all over the bathroom.

    Always makes me smile!

    Abigail

  • Darlene

    I just had to give you an award on my blog: http://worthwalkingtoward.blogspot.com/2008/10/smile.html.
    Cheesy. I know. But, I think the world of your blog, and the heart that you share.

    Thank you for pointing so many to Him,
    Darlene

  • Tanni

    LOL! Children do have a way of keeping things simple and funny.

    OK, so I have a story. It is from a couple of years ago and it still makes me laugh. My oldest, Gavin was about 2 1/2 and was in 2-day pre-school. We had been potty training for a little while, but it seemed to be lingering since we were also tending to our twin infants. Anyway, one day when I went to pick up Gavin from school, I was talking to his teacher about his day and I noticed that he was in different pants so I assumed he had an accident. His precious teacher preceded to tell me that he poo-pooed on the playground. Again, I assumed that it was an accident. I looked at Gavin and started talking to him about his accident. The teacher had to stop me because "technically" he did not have an accident. He actually pulled his pants down and willifully did his business ON THE PLAYGROUND! Let's just say in the moment, I was mortified and almost in tears, but managed to laugh instead of crying. The sweet teacher comforted me and said that it was not the first time it happened…which made me feel better. However, as I was leaving the school, I saw the principal and we were discussing and laughing about what had taken place. As we were talking she informed me that it was the preschool's first ever occurance. YEP, that was my first born! :)

    I learned a couple of things from this experience.

    1 – Your kids are going to do things out of your immediate control. Don't take things so personal. (I have come a long way since then. Gavin is now 4 1/2)

    2 – Make sure to clarify with your spouse that it is probably not the best idea to let your son go to the bathroom outside at the park (in the woods)…especially #2. Here is the back story and his defense. My husband was at the park with Gavin a week prior to the incident and had ran there with the jogging stroller. He was at least 2 miles from home and of course Gavin decided he had to go. There was no bathroom and Gavin could not make it all the way home. This was a situation where you are up the creek without a paddle. In that situation, you do what you think is best and that is what my husband did. I honestly don't know if I would have not done the same thing. :)

    Thanks for asking us to share. I love looking back and reflecting. I think I will have to add this story to my blog so we can laugh for years to come.

    Angie, thank you for your blog. You are an inspiration and a blessing.

    Tanni
    Mom of Gavin 4 1/2
    Gage & Grayson 2 1/2

  • Gennae Heer

    I have a humiliating story but it’s something I did, not my kids. I was probably 9 years old and my uncle, aunt and their three older kids (teenagers) were in town visiting. We were all sitting down for Sunday dinner when I interrupted the conversation by blurting out to my oldest cousin, “Oh Scott, you’re so ego-testical”! Of course everyone at the table burst into laughter but I had no idea what I said! I’m grown with three kids of my own and my family still loves to tease me about that day!

  • Lara

    love your blog! ok, I have a funny that my then 2 1/2 year old said. My husband and I and two boys were eatting at a local university cafeteria for Sunday lunch. (which by the way we know a lot of the university students) anyway my sweet 2 1/2 year old recognizing some girls he knew from church went directly up to them and said, “my dad has a big tee-tee” (this of course, was in the middle of potty training for him and he was obsessed w/ talking potty talk) the girls died out laughing and both my husband and I left very embarssed. :) have a good day! thanks for sharing your story!

  • The Caldwells

    I knew you’d do great! When we keep our eyes on HIM… everything works out.

    I’m a mommy to 2 boys. Nathan is 4 1/2 and Micah is 2. There’s nothing like bathroom break while shopping and having to take your sons to the ladies room. Nathan is getting to the age he’s not thrilled about going to the ladies room. So one day (he’s 3 at the time) we’re out and we’re in the WC (Water Closet…we live in Austria as church planters by the way). It’s my turn and I give the typical “don’t you dare touch anything in here… don’t open the door…etc” While I’m hovering Nathan says–fairly loud, ‘Hey Mom, why are you doing that… do you have to POO POO?” I say, “No Nathan… I just don’t want to sit all the way down.” Nathan gets as low as he can (trying to obey and not touch the floor) and looks in the next stall and says, “I think she’s going poo-poo… she’s all the way down!” Ohhhh… please don’t speak English goes thru my head! Life is never boring with kids!

  • Lori Heinrich

    Hi Angie! I have spent the last half-hour enjoying these stories. What a great dose of laughter!!! I was reminded of one of my oldest son’s proudest (and my most embarrassing) moments:

    One day when he was six, Matt had a day off of school, but I had a project at work that I had to finish. I took him to the office with me for a couple of hours and was going to take the rest of the day off with him. I set him up in the conference room near my office and told him he could draw on the large dry-erase board. After a few minutes, he came out of the conference room, marched into my boss’s office and asked him to come with him. My boss kindly obliged him and went to see what Matt needed. Within seconds, my boss came out of the conference room, red-faced and laughing, and said, “You might want to go in there!” as he made a beeline back to his desk.

    I walked into the conference room to see a life-size drawing of a naked woman with great attention to detail. Matt said, “Look, Mom, I drew a picture of you!”

  • Pipsylou

    Just like the Flobee 2000 and the Lawn Chopper 4300, the pediatric colostomy bag shares the special trait of sounding like a good idea to someone at some point in history’s timeline. And then, just as the Lawn Chopper 4390 may leave you with 3 limbs instead of the prescribed 4, the pediatric colostomy bag may be used for evil as well.

    I suppose it’s a necessary thing, but whoever had the idea of allowing a 3 year old 24/7 access to a bag of poop attached to her front was either drinking heavily or had never actually MET a 3 year old.

    I was minding my own business yesterday afternoon, tending to my flylady.com chores and emptying the dishwasher. The kids were playing downstairs in the playroom, and all was well. We’d just shampooed the basement carpets and everything was in order down there. I heard the kids laughing together, and sent a prayer of thanks toward the heavens that they were getting along.

    Then, I noticed the laughter was becoming louder and more uncontrolled. You know the type – you’ve just been told a joke that strikes you as the funniest thing you’ve ever heard, and your bladder is precariously full. Yeah, that kind of laughter. I didn’t think it fair that I was doing chores and they were having so much fun, so I walked down the steps.

    Oy.

    There sat Asher in the new chair I had just bought Scott, his left arm and right leg covered in poop. His previously clean hair now had a smearing of the stuff, and he was laughing and grinding his head into the cushion of the chair. A trail of something gross and brown could be seen going further into the room, and there sat Lucy, laughing as I have never seen her laughing, playing with her colostomy bag – ah, her newly found art supply.

    “Lucy! What are you doing?”

    Big, brown eyes peered up at me as she realized I probably wasn’t enjoying what I was seeing, and the laughter stopped.

    “Oh, Mama,” she said, all seriousness and explanation now.

    “I just wanted to know what Brother Bear looks like with poop on his head.”

  • The Wade’s

    My most embarassing parenting experience thus far came at a Chick-Fil-a restaurant one Saturday at 12:45 in the afternoon. They were crawling with kids and parents. One of those days where you have to pounce if you see an empty table. After our son Jackson had finished his lunch I decided to be a cool mom and treat him to some dessert. If you turn in the cheap toy they give you, you can get a free kids cone. I got the kids cone, and a regular cone for my hubbie Jeremy. Jackson had never really had an ice cream cone, so he was busy sticking his nose into every time he tried to get a bite. It was so cute, and he was a mess. When he got through, there was still a little ice cream left, and seriously, I was not going to let it go to waste. I put Jackson in the booth (he was ready to go by this time), and I proceeded to try to eat a few bites.

    Between the messy cone, and Jackson crawling off and on my lap, I was rather distracted. This may be why I didn’t immediately realize that Jackson had stuck his hand so far down my shirt that my entire left boob was hanging out of my v-neck sweater. In plain view of everyone walking in the door. I was so shocked, that I immediately spit out on to the table the bite of the ice cream cone that I had just eaten. There I was, ice cream dripping off my chin, boob exposed (thank goodness I wasn’t wearing a lace bra), and Jeremy sitting right there across from me not saying a word. All I could do was laugh!

    The worst part: I have no idea how long I was sitting there like that. Jeremy obviously wasn’t paying me much attention. He was enjoying his ice cream cone way too much to enjoy the free peep show!

  • Ashley

    That story made me laugh out loud. It reminded me of when my sister did close to the same thing(she even stuck them all over her) my mom still has pictures.

    My boys are just now getting to the age where we have to be very careful. My 3 year old is very aware right now of tooting and burping. He likes to inform us whenever he has done either by first shouting “excuse me” then telling us why. But, he has took it to another level about a month ago. I am the teacher in his Sunday School class where I have 2 assistants. We were sitting around the table when when my son blurted out, “I heard a toot!” he paused, looked around, stopped at 1 of the assistants and pointed while accusing, “It was you, you just toot!”. As if I weren’t mortified enough (not knowing if that accusation was accurate or not…but assuming probably not) she misunderstood and said, “Oh, he thinks I’m just cute.” To which my son corrects, even louder and this time for ALL to hear, “NOOO, you TOOTED!!!!”. I don’t know if whose face was more red- hers or mine!!!

  • S

    This is a short maxi-pad story. My son was probably about 3 as well when we had a plumber or someone over to fix something. I needed to write down some information and I said to my son, “Go get Mama a pad.” He leaves the room and comes back with a maxi pad and a proud look for obeying his mom! The plumber stifled his laughter! I will have to think of some more! :)

  • Jess :)

    Ang,

    Okay…I’m not a mom, yet, but have many nanny experiences and my best friend has 2 precious children.

    First, I have this family who I sit for and they have a 2 and 4 year old. They are both very smart kids and extremely hilarious. Just the other night, one of their neighbor ladies had come over and and was just talking to the 2 year old and had gotten down to her level. The little girl just reached over and squeezed her boob and said “squishy tummy, squishy tummy.” I about fell over. For some reason, she thought that was this ladies tummy.

    This was also the little girl who asked her mommy when she was going to “grow a tree” just like her brother had between his legs? She wanted to know how old she had to be before she’d get “one of those?” The only thing she couldn’t figure out was what the 2 “things” on the sides of the tree were. Yes, she was still just 2. :)

    The last story I have to share is from one of my friends who has a little girl that is 7. She just told me this last weekend and I truly bust a gut. Her little girl was watching her get ready one morning and asked, “Mommy, am I going to get one of those saggy, bumpy things like you have behind you?” (Just a sidebar- this mom is SUPER skinny). My friend couldn’t figure out what she meant, so she asked her to be a little more specific. Her little girl then came over and pointed to her bottom! Only, that’s NOT the best part…her little girl then says, (as my friend is standing in the closet looking for something to wear, “Mommy, you know what…you look like a smiley face. You know, those 2 pointy things are like eyes since they have those pebbles, your belly button is the nose, that line right below (C-section scar) is the smile and that hair stuff is the beard!”

    Seriously, not even kidding, thought I was going to stop breathing I was laughing so hard. :) You just never know what you are going to get with kids and that’s what makes them even more lovable!!

    I am also so thrilled that everything went well on Friday night. Our prayers were all answered and it sounds as though you touched even more people lives! God Bless you, Ang.

    Love you lots,
    Jess :)

  • amy

    Hi Angie!
    This is my first time to comment. You get so many! I wanted to say thank you for being so real and for sharing your incredible journey. I have laughed and cried with you many times.
    Now I have a funny kid moment for ya! My oldest son (he was 3 at the time) was really hoping the baby in my tummy was a little sister. When we found out the baby was a little brother he wasn't too disappointed. A few days later we were in the car and he says,"Mommy, I decided that it's okay if God gives us a baby boy as long as he is a brown boy." I almost peed my pants! I said, "Honey, that can't happen because Mommy & Daddy aren't brown." He smiled and said, "Oh, now I understand."

  • Michele

    Oh I have a doozy— or two :)
    When we just moved into our homeabout 5 years ago that we had waited forever for and purchased a brand new mini van I had always wanted my son did the unthinkable… Let me give you the scenery…
    It was a crisp fall day outside, the wind was blowing ever so lightly, everyone was in a good mood.I was doing the disheds and my husband and oldest son were painting the bathroom in our basement. All of a sudden my 15 year old son comes running up to the kitchen and says- “Mom I need a rag”. My first thought was Thank you Jesus- He is cleaning!” When I got my head and mind out of the cloud- he says louder- “Seriously Mom I NEED a rag NOW!!!” Then the panic button went off!!! I then prayed as I ran out the front door saying out loud Oh Lord whatever I am about to see Please give me patience and a soft tone…. As I rounded the corner from our front steps- My jaw hit the ground—-
    Our wonderful 3 year old decided to PAINT OUR NEW MINI VAN WITH A LEFTOVER PAINT BRUSH THAT WAS THROWN AWAY!!!! YEP I SAID IT painted the brand new mini van!!!
    Yep a creamy martha Stewart paint. He stood there proud as ever and said- – “Joshy can paint too! Did I do good mommy?” I just screamed I think 30 times Oh My God!!! Sorry Lord- I repented six hours later for saying it 30 times.
    We spent 4 hours scrubbing it all off. Cried and scrubbed, cried and scrubbed.It did come off and now we laugh about it.
    Another one I have was when my boys were 3 and 18 months old- they decided while they were to be taking a nap to get into the flour while I was in the shower. They are now 18 and 19 1/2. I came out of shower and saw a cloud of puffiness under the door. I once again prayed for what I was about to see- low and behold there was flour everywhere. My 18 month I could not even see except for his whites of his eyes. My oldest son Andrew tried to help Mommy by vacumming up the flour- after his baby brother sprinkled his sippy cup all over the carpet. What happens to flour and water??? Needless to say I had to get a new vacum cleaner and I just laughed and got it all cleaned up. I had 2 choices- screamm and scare them for life or just go with it. To this day I am happy I went with the latter. So man if anyone has experiences that are worse than mine- I will pray for you. Thanks for your time. I love your blog. I pray for you often as you heal. I too have a loss in my life from 24 years ago but I have always had H*O*P*E!!!
    God Bless,
    Love Michele Stewart

  • Julie
  • Julie

    You are just the highlight of my day!
    Ok, so a few years ago, when my little boys were about 2 and 4, I decided to take a shower. First mistake! I put on a movie in my room for them to watch. They were very quiet and unusually good during my shower. When I got out of the shower, I peeked out and asked then what they were doing and they both told me to “SHHH”. I asked why I needed to be quiet and they said that their baby mice were sleeping. I was just pleased that they were happy and continued getting ready. When I was done, we all went out in the living room and started playing. A few minutee later, a lady from church rang the doorbell to drop off some things for the sunday lesson I was teaching for her. We went to the door, always a highlight, to meet her and her little 5 year old boy. My “sweet” little boys then asked the little boy if they wanted to play ‘mouse’ with them. The little boy said yes and off they went. As they were running off, I did hear my 4 year old say to the new boy ‘wait, I will get you one’. So, the church friend and I started talking a little when we were greeted by three boys…all with an opened tampon cupped in their little hand, petting it with the opposite hand. I was speechles and asked what they were doing with ‘those’. My 2 year old then said ‘mommy, you wanna hold mousy. Mommy see mousy tail?”
    The 5 year old had even found a crayon and gave his mouse some eyes!

  • Dawn

    That story is tooo funny and something that I can completely see happening in my house—remember I have the son who asked his Grandparents to look at the woodpecker in the tree with his "big-knockers"!?? This next episode happened last summer when he was 3 1/2 & we were outside late Sunday morning in the yard and he kept telling me & telling me that he had to go potty. And, like you–I was so engrossed in getting my "weedbeds" cleaned out that I kept putting him off & putting him off telling him that as soon as I got this one cleaned that we would go inside–well being the resourceful young man that he is–decided to do what he has done before at his grandpas in the country (& yes once before at the playground) and relieve himself beside the bushes–which wouldnt have been a big deal except for the fact that people were exiting from Sunday Church services directly across the street & the bush he was watering was facing the doors to the church!! My dear little boy wasnt embarrassed at all & to the contrary was happy & proud that he prevented himself from having an accident–I was mortified and wanted to crawl under the bush & the people from the church got a good laugh & conversation piece for their Sunday dinner. Once again I say–You gotta love little boys!!

  • Heather

    Love, love, love your blog. Your words have meant a lot to me in the past year. Here’s a funny story for you on a rainy day in Kansas:

    My 2 1/2 year old, Jack, was playing with me in the living room a few weeks ago. I was noticing a foul smell coming from his direction. He soon said, “I have a poopy diaper, Mama.” We went to his room to change it, but discovered he was just wet. When I told him this he said, “Hmmmm….I must be shootin’ blanks.”

  • Mindy May

    I read your blog almost daily and I am deeply inspired by your faith and your devotion to the Lord. Your story has given me strength. My favorite story is of my son he was 4 at the time and we of course were standing at the checkout line I’m pretty sure at Target. He wanted candy so badly and he just wouldn’t take no for an answer. So finally I just said “I am the meanest mom in the world and that is why you cant have candy” he just starred at me and then so ever so nicely “Mom, I dont know why you say you are the meanest because you are the nicest Mom”. Granted I gave in and got him the candy he wanted but the older woman standing behind me said she has 4 children and she has never once heard that.

  • angie

    I absolutely love reading your blog – I’ve never left a comment before but I was laughing too hard not too!

    Earlier this summer, my 2 year old son and I were a a store in the garden section, looking around at the plants. Of course, this is outside, and there are birds everywhere. Also keep in mind that my son’s speech was a little hard to understand at the time…
    Anyway, it was basically us and a bunch of senior citizens browsing that day, and soon my sweet boy starts talking (LOUDLY) – “Boobies! Boobies! Look Mommy, Boobies! I love boobies!” We were getting some pretty strange looks. I tried damage control by saying (also extremely loudly) “Yes, I see the BIRDIES!”

    Thanks for the laugh!

  • The Golf Widow

    I cut this from an email I sent my sister today in response to why I had not called her back on Saturday when I finished grocery shopping.

    Sorry Lindsey, I was over taken with madness. You were right 4 kids in the HT is not such a good idea. I even splurged on a southern living Fall magazine that I left under my cart in the parking lot,then to discover I paid $10. They said I could just come up and get another one when it was convenient, no need to turn around. Guess they remembered the crazy woman with 4 girls that had put up shop on isle 5 and actually wanted to pawn me off to Larry the am manager.

    As we were leaving Olivia said thank you to the cashier for the balloons and that she loves when they serve dinner. Yes, she’s referring to the samples in the produce section and 3 slices of bread from the bread man, and the sugar cookies(more than the 1 as suggested) they devoured while shopping. A sad statement on it’s own, but since it was well after 7 and my sweet girls had not even had dinner, I think it was actually a personal jab.

    I was totally embarassed. After stopping by the Red Box to grab a $1 dvd, I joked with my oldest that I guess we got dinner and movie. Humor lost on an 8 year old.

    I love your blog and laughed so hard at your story!

  • ourprecious4

    Hey Angie! You did such a great job on Friday. Thank you for sharing your heart as well as a great challenge from the heart of Jesus.
    ~ ROFL! Great story!~
    As for mine, well my little Bella who just turned 2 has a curiosity to everything! The other day she gets a tampon out and says “hewe go mommy, peas.” I said “no mommy doesnt really need that right now, go put it away please” … she just looked really ticked off and ran back toward the bathroom. Soon after I hear a horrible scream, I run to the bathroom only to see about 5 unwraped and pulled out on the floor around her. She looks up at me and says “hep mommy canny yucky, canny yucky..” wiping her tongue (did I mention she is OCD??) She is totaly freaked out and saying “Want sucker mommy, yucky sucker, bad sucker!!”
    Ok.. so I was completely ROFL. She still keeps going to ‘that drawer’ and says “want canny” I show them to her and she says with lips puckered,finger pointing and the other hand on hip “NO,NO, Bad canny!”
    So far that is one of our only silly stories, I can’t wait to see what a fun ride we will continue to have!

  • Jules from "The Roost"

    Funny! Funny! Don't kids teach us so much! Also I did pray for you and glad you felt the power of God in your weakness! That is when it shines best!:>)

  • DEBBIE

    LOVE this story, thought I’d share mine. When my daughter was probably 2..she came walking into the family room with one of my pads stuck between her little legs (sticky stide up, of course)! Guess my ‘open door policy’ should NOT have applied to the bathroom! :)
    So glad to hear that Friday went so well. I thoroughly ENJOY your blog and look forward to every post!
    Debbie

  • Jenny~

    My cousin, who was 3 at the time, came home from church one Sunday and proudly announced to the family: “I figured out why we drink grape juice at church.” (You know, for communion.) My aunt, ready for a beautifully spiritual answer from her sweet, little blonde daughter, retorts, “Why, honey?” And my cousin, fully convinced that she was now in-the-know, replied “Because Jesus was the King of the Juice!” This is a classic story in my family that we still laugh about 20 years later!

  • Brian and Emily

    Thank you Angie and everyone else! I have been so tickled at all the stories.

    Here’s mine:
    I was a nanny to a sweet two year old girl (named T.) and also was nearing the end of my first trimester with my own baby. During this trimester, when I felt the urge to “to go” I had just minutes to get to a bathroom before there was an “accident”. Well, I felt the urge one day while T. and I were out and about. So I quickly pulled into a gas station and ran into the bathroom with T. Quickly made a toilet paper seat (germs, yucky!) and ahhh – relief! I quickly tried to pull up my pants so I wouldn’t expose myself to T. especially since I was just her nanny. We then went shopping at Target. After about an hour in the store, we are walking out towards the car when a man starts to approach us, and says with a very red face, “umm, you have toilet paper hanging out of your pants” I quickly look down at my ankles and don’t see anything…and then I realize…I look behind me and there trailing at least 1 foot out of my waistband was a long stream of toilet paper. In my hurry to pull up my pants in the bathroom, my toilet paper seat had come with it! I quickly thanked the man and died of embarrassment in the car as I thought of my hour long trip in target, shopping, standing in the check-out line with toilet paper hanging out my pants. (I just knew everyone was thinking I had wiped and got it stuck!) =)

    One more quick one! – My brother found a maxi pad when he was 8 and I asked him what it was for. He said “It makes women’s butt’s shiny” =)

  • Diana

    When my youngest (he is 11 now) was around 3 he went to Vacation Bible School and that Sunday I decided to take my 2 kids to that church to “try it out”. Since it was in the summer you sat at long tables and we had to sit at the first table in front of the minister..they had books and crayons on each table and when the minister started the service Tyler said in a LOUD 3 year old voice “Jesus Jesus Jesus..is that ALL they talk about in this place is Jesus”..no we did not go back again:)

  • Life in Oh-me-ha

    This was actually my blog post this monrning:

    Monday, October 6, 2008
    Special Need

    We have been visiting different churches in the Omaha/Naples area over the last 4 weeks and it has been a real challenge for K learning to sit through the sermon at the churches that do not offer children’s church during the service, however she has done so good and even comments sometimes on what the pastor is saying so I know she is at least half listening. I have learned to pack a bag with colors, a coloring book and juice for her. Well, yesterday the sermon was running rather long and we had exhausted the juice and were bored with the coloring book and K was ready to go. She had ask for her me-me (milk cup) several times and was really getting antsy. At the end of the service the pastor asked us to stand to pray and that if anyone had a special need to raise their hand and although he would not acknowledge you verbal he would know you need extra prayer. Well, I was holding K with her head on my shoulder and she raised her hand. I grabbed it down and said, ‘That’s for people who have a special need.” To which she quickly replied, “I NEED a me-me.” Well, there you go! She was listening after all.

  • Scuba Girl

    Angie, you are PRECIOUS! I was reading along, waiting for the "punch," relating to you the whole way – as I have also tried to have the perfect house for guests, then you get to the sight of the stickers!!!! I think I broke a rib. Oh, my! Be glad they were unused pads – our dog likes (?) to forage in bathroom wastebaskets & bring out presents for all to see – yuk!

    Anyway, my kid story: I have 4 kids, ages 16 to 22 (see, they do grow up & you DO survive). When my first daughter was about 3, she had started asking questions about those obvious differences between herself & her older brother (bath-time, you know). Now, I could have said that boys have penises, and girls don't, instantly relegating girls to second-class citizens. Or that boys have "goobers" and girls have "hoochies" or some nonsense. But I used correct terminology, because I didn't want my adult children still referring to their anatomical parts as goobers and hoochies. So, I, determined to instruct her correctly – as a School Psychologist should – taught her that boys have penises, and that girls have vulvas, which she took very well. VERY well. I kid you not: for weeks, around the house, in the car, AND in public, my sweet Abbie :) was floating around, swirling her dress, singing – (insert sing-song voice of a 3 yr. old) "Boys have penis, girls have vulvas. Boys have penis, girls have vulvas. Boys have… (you get the picture). Worse than "stickers for company?" You be the judge!

  • Boni

    Glad your speaking engagement went well.

    When my now 4 year old was 3, she was playing outside on her tricycle. I was pulling some weeds and obviously not paying attention to her. She stripped all her clothes off and was riding her bike. When I noticed her, I saw something under her booty. She had gone inside and gotten a pad to put on her seat because “mommy, my booty was to cowd!” I was cracking up!

  • Jan

    Oh my goodness!! Sooooooo funny!
    Here’s my funniest kid story:
    We had been on our four year old, Matthew to STOP picking his nose!! Everytime we time we turned around he had his finger shoved up his nostril going for the gold!! I don’t know how many of you “young things” remember a PBS show on 20 something years ago called The Electric Co. It was a Sesame Street type but for older kids, concentrating on grammar and phoenetics. Well on this day, we were learning the “ed” ending for past tense. ie “the dog is groomed, the car is washed” etc. My friend and her 4 year old daughter were over enjoying the day and this episode of The Electric Co. with us. Now mind you there was a just a BIT of competition between my friend and I regarding our “brilliant first born children”!! In the middle of the “ed” lesson, Matthew disappeared out of the room for a few moments and then re-entered proclaiming proudly, “Mom!! The nose is PICKED!!” You can always count on your child to bring you back down to earth!!

  • Just a Woman

    OH, my goodness. This sounds so much like my life (with three girls as well). Because my cycles were so very few and far between, my older two had never seen any “feminine hygiene products” in our home at all. So right after my littlest one was born, the older two and I went to the local store to pick up some maxi-pads. As I was looking at the VAST selection on what seemed to be the busiest day of the year at Wally-world, one of my children wanted to know what I was looking at. Trying to be discreet, I answered, “pads.” To which she wanted to know in her loudest…voice…ever…if those pads came with pens or markers. I could hear laughs from all those around us.

  • sparksfley

    So my boys were playing. I suppose they were about 2 1/2 and 4 1/2 at the time, and they shared a room. They were, well, too quiet. I went in to check on them. All over their room were tampons. Tampons that were brand new, in an unopened box, in a bathroom cabinet that they’re not allowed to touch. Every.single.tampon. was unwrapped, and launched out of the applicator. Little puffs of cotton with string were everywhere. I just sputtered “Why?”… The 4 1/2 year old told me that they just made such great cannons.

  • jablott

    So we were at the Courthouse and my 2-year-old son, Parker, was sitting on the counter waiting patiently for me to finish paying the car taxes when a man walks up behind us. He is wearing a dirty NASCAR shirt, long dark beard, greasy jeans, messy hair, you get the idea…And this is how the conversation went…

    Parker: Mommy, what is that!?!?

    Me: What are you talking about?

    Parker: That! (Pointing at the man behind us)

    Me: Oh! Ummmm, yeah, those are some cool cars on his shirt, yes….

    Parker: No, mommy, not his shirt…

    Me: (Nervously trying to stop the conversation) Um, he is just waiting his turn in line.

    (The lady helping us gives Parker a sucker hoping to get him to shut up)

    And after about 2 minutes of Parker staring at the man behind us he exclaims in a very LOUD voice that echoes throughout the courthouse lobby….

    Parker: Mommy, does that man need to take a shower?!??!

    Let’s just say I got out of there as fast as I could….That is the major problem with kids who talk so much when they are still young! But, hey, they are honest! I prayed the whole way home that the man didn’t get our license plate numbers and follow us home…

  • MOBACH’S

    My daughter is 3 and she is started to notice different “parts” on her body. She asked me what the little “dots” on her chest where and I told her they were boobies and that all girls have them. I didn’t hear about it for a couple of weeks and figured she wasn’t really interested and we were past it. We had gone to the pool and were getting back into our clothes, when another woman walked in and started getting undressed to get into her bathing suit. My daughter looked right at her and said ” you have boobies because you are a girl”. Thank goodness the woman smiled and laughed “yes I do”. I was slightly more mortified and decided that day that we will be using the family change rooms from then on!

  • Pink

    Angie, I soooooo needed to read your blog today! I was in need of a good laugh!

    I have a story to tell as well.

    It involves my then 3 year old God-daughter…she and I have always been close…I was there the moment she was born and took care of her EVERY day of her life until the day she started school. Her mom is in wheelchair, so Auntie (me) has always been the one to meet her needs.

    One day, I was in the bathroom and in came Beth.This was normal for her, she always had to be right where I was. Well, I was on my “period” at the time an using maxi pads…Beth was full of questions as to why Auntie was bleeding…I didnt want to get into it with her, so I just told her that Auntie had an ouchie…she said, You have an ouchie on your peep? (which is what she called her private part), I told her yes, and went on with the morning. I then drove her to preschool at the church she attended. Her teacher was standing there with the Pastor, both greeted us and asked how my morning was going…I replied that everything was fine….my sweet Beth started crying uncontollable. The Pastor got down on his knees and asked her what what wrong. She said in the cutest of voices, My Auntie is not ok…she is dieing. The pastor looked at me with concern, and then asked Beth what she was talking about…Beth said “show him Auntie, show him your peep, maybe he can make the ouchie go away if he prays and then you will not have to go to heaven!” We all looked at eachother and started laughing. Beth’s teacher knew she called her private parts “peep” and it did not take long for the pastor to catch onto the problem. Needless to say, Beth and I had a long talk on the way home from preschool.

  • Cortni

    I would have died laughing if I had been there! I actually have 2 short little funnies that I got from my 5 year old daughter Sara.

    We had friends coming over one day and she was telling them how our dog Caleb would eat anything, including Q-tip’s. But she didn’t call them Q-tip’s, she called them ear tacks! That cracked me up!

    A couple of months later she asked me what ham is made out of and I told her “pigs”. She said “no, bacon is made from pigs, ham is made from fish skin….but I like it” ROFL!! She is too funny!

  • Pinkalicious

    Hi Angie,

    I am so glad to write in to your blog. I have been reading for awhile and I can’t tell you how my faith has grown since I found you. I LOVE your stories and even retold the chicken one. I enjoyed that one a lot.

    You asked for a humiliationg story…….last winter a good friend of mine was on hospital bed rest, due with triplets. I took my daughter, Madeline–age three at the time, to visit my friend. As we were leaving the day nurse came to say good-bye as it was the end of her shift. I was in the doorway saying my good-byes and the nurse was walking down the hall. Madeline said, “Mommy, that lady has a big butt!” I looked at my precious daughter, horrified. I took her hand and started to walk away, not knowing what to do. We walked by the nurses’ station and I saw the nurse and I gave her a meek, apologetic smile. My mind was racing, “Where did she learn that?” “Why would she say that?” “What should I do?” I decided I needed to address the issue now rather than wait. So I pulled Madeline aside and asked her if she remembered what she had just said. I reminded her and I told her that was wrong because it wasn’t a nice thing to say. I explained that it probably hurt that nurse’s feelings. Madeline got the picture because she said, “Mommy, my heart hurts.” I gave her a hug and told her mind did too, but it would feel better soon.

    One of the things that got me was that my daughter has a rare form of dwarfism. She isn’t teased for her size yet, but I know she will be. I’ve been trying, since she was born, to arm her with enough self-esteem to combat any teasing……I never thought my daughter would be the one saying hurtful remarks.

    God bless,
    Sara

  • Brittany

    When my parents divorced my baby sister and I stayed with my daddy, needless to say – I was sort of a surrogate mother to her. When she was 15 she had to have knee surgery and was given strict instructions to not, under any circumstances, bend her knee the slightest bit, for the first 72 hours. Being overly private and super modest she immediately panicked because we had the old fashioned tubs with the sliding glass shower doors and she knew that she would either need help getting in and out of the bath or just not bathe for 3 days. After 1 day she couldn’t stand herself anymore and asked me to help her get into the bathtub. We decide to run the water first, the whole time she is undressing she is screaming at me to not look – seriously, I am your sister and have everything you have – but I don’t… I walk into the shower part of our bathroom and she is wrapped in a sheet and begins explaining that she wants me to pick her up, put her in the tub, then pull the sheet out from under her… all with my head turned. I am laughing at this point because she was DEAD serious and petrified that I would see her girl parts. So, we begin – at 132 pounds you would think she would feel light – but as I always tell her she’s ‘like a man’ and is all muscle – I struggle to maneuver her over the bathtub and around the sliding glass shower doors all the while screaming at her to not bend her knee and her screaming at me to not look at her… we eventually get tickled and basically fall into the water filled tub… me clothes and all, her sheet and all. Apparently, it sounded like we had tore the tub out of the wall, so daddy runs from the back of the house to the bathroom door screaming ‘are ya’ll okay’ while Chelsea starts squalling that we are fine and for him to not come in! Now, if I can just get her through college with that modesty, we will all be just fine!

  • SGT Sunshine

    PLEASE tell me you took pictures of that!!! ROFL!

    My favorite story at present involved my daughter and my cousin. I was changing my little one’s diaper and my 4yr old (boy) cousin was watching the procedure with intense interest. All of a sudden his nose wrinkles and he exclaims quite loudly: “That’s gross!”
    I wasn’t sure what part, he was talking about, so I asked him. He tentatively pointed at my daughter’s private parts and with intense disgust said, “THAT!”
    Choking back laughter I calmly explained that girls look different than boys. To which he responded in a very serious voice: “I know…but my mom’s is fuzzy!”
    I nearly died and still don’t know what I responded to that. When I was finally able to tell my aunt and uncle, we all laughed until we were crying. Children are so awesome!

  • Kim

    Here’s a funny story, even if it doesn’t win a prize…I hope it will give you a laugh….

    My family lives in a small town in Michigan. (No, that’s not the funny part)… When my son was about 2 1/2 years old we went into a grocery store that was located in a city a bit larger than the one we have in our small town. I might add that at that time we only had one family of “color” in our town, so my son had never really seen a person of African American decent. We were in the checkout lane and the nice A.A. lady behind us decided to play with Bradley while he was sitting in the little seat in the cart. His eyes got huge and he turned around and said, quite loudly, “Mommy, this lady is CHOC-O-LATE!” and then he followed it up with, “Does that make us BA-NIL-LA?!”. I, of course, wanted to crawl under the cart and wait for someone to load me in the car with the groceries, but the nice (did I mention she was nice) lady laughed this loud belly laugh and said she couldn’t wait to tell her church friends about the cute little BANILLA boy at the grocery store.

    Just as a side note, my son is now 15 and would be completely mortified if he knew I had just shared that lovely story with a few of my close friends!

  • Kewiki

    Too funny!

    Just a week or two ago, my son got a bloody nose in the car. There were no tissues or napkins to be found and all I had was a maxi pad in my purse. So my son was pinching his nose with a pad until we could get to a gas station! I’m glad he didn’t ask any questions about what it was!

    Holly

  • ~Kate

    Some of my favorites –
    When my now 13 yr old was 4ish – she stuck an m&m up her nose while in the care of my mother. This resulted in a trip to the ER and much trauma for them both – only to find out that M&M's will eventually melt their way out.

    Or when my 6 yr old and 3 yr old boys were out playing and told not to get muddy or wet after a rain storm. When I walked out to leave with them, the oldest had the youngest sitting in a puddle. When I inquired, the 6 yr old told me he was washing him off.

    Gotta love kids
    ~Kate

  • mickeydebbi

    What a great story…The only one I can think of is one I did as a child. Which now that I pay the bills can understand why my mom was SO upset. It was my moms birthday (she was raising my brother and I as a single mom). I wanted to make this a special birthday for her. My mom had told me I could not use the oven, toaster, stove, or microwave. So the only cake I could come up with making was a cake out of pudding…

    Then for decorations…I needed streamers, so I took the toliet paper and wrote happy birthday on it and strung it outside and threw the whole house. Using the entire roll. You guessed it it was the last roll of toliet paper and mom did not get paid for 4 more days. So she was not pleased with me. But I tried. I learned a lesson from that with 6 daughters I stock up on toliet paper.

  • Penny

    Oh my Angie.you did it again. Just when I needed a lift you posted it. I laughed till the tears came. I LOVE kids and their inate sense of timing!

    Well, I guess the moment that comes to mind right now is the one I should use. You see with 5 kids and a husband THERE ARE MANY! lol…. we love the giggles and laughs but there are moments when I would LOVE to hide! One day many years ago I sat in a very small waiting room with my oldest daughter. She was about 3 1/2 at the time. We were the only ones there and she was quite the wanderer and this was before the time of not letting your child move or touch anything in the germy office. So she was checking the place out when a man came in and checked in. He was a very heavy black man. He sat down in a chair beside me and she continued to “check” him out. Finally she sat on the other side on him. she had crossed her little legs and then leaned forward to look at me and said in a very clear,serious voice…. “MOM! I think this guy is Fat Albert from the TV!” While I was stuttering trying to decide how to explain I had NO idea who this child was she said “Where do you think the rest of the guys are??” Thankfully he was a very nice man who almost cried he laughed so hard at her. That daughter wnet on to be just as poingant many other times. She is almost 22 now and we still love her to pieces!

    Thanks for the post!

  • fransmomma

    my kids and i were at the houston zoo with my mother-in-law. there were several predominantly black groups of school children there that day. nothing unusual to me, but my son thought otherwise…
    we had been at the zoo all day. we had been seeing black people all day. we were on our way out and colby was walking behind me with his mimi and i hear him yell, “mimi! i found some!! i found some african americans! there they are right there!!!!” i turn around and he’s pointing and shouting at a small group of preteen black girls who absolutely don’t know how to react to this blond very white 3 year old boy who is acting as though he’s just discovered some long forgotten treasure…or a starbucks in rural west texas. they kind of laughed it off (lucky for him he’s adorable) and when i crawled out from behind the concrete pole i had quickly disappeared behind, i explained to him that we dont point at people, and under no circumstance do we ever scream someones race or nationality at them. ever.

    there’s actually more to this story. a “how we got to this point”, if you will. you can read the rest of it on my blog. but this is definitely the embarrassing part. :)

  • karina

    Mine is a funny, though not embarrassing.

    When my twin boys were 3, and my daughter was 5 we were going with my husband on a 2 week business trip to St. Lucia (rough life, I know). We didn’t have long to prepare, but I wanted to make sure the kids knew what to expect on travel day.

    Every day for several days before our trip I explained, “We will fly to Miami, switch airplanes, then fly to Puerto Rico, switch airplanes again and fly to St. Lucia.”

    The morning of our departure, at the ungodly hour of 5:30 am we were all buckled into our van. As we pulled away from the driveway my daughter, being the motherly type that she is, wanted to make sure she had it all straight. “So, Mom, first we’re flying to Miami?”

    From the back seat, a very cranky yet protective voice calls out, “NO LETHA!!!! It’s not your Ami, it’s Momma’s Ami!!”

    (I said “Miami”, he heard “my Ami”!)

  • Beth

    I love your stories!

    My “baby,” who is now 6’3″ and 17 years old, left me a “remembrance” of himself that I remember every year, right about this time.

    We have electric heat, so every fall, when we just can’t stand it any longer, we turn on the heat and crank it up so the heat strips will come on. That first time is a little unpleasant each year, because all the dust that has settled on the strips has to burn off, so it has a nasty hot dirty smell for several minutes. This particular year, however, the smell entered my nostrils with a twist…no only did we have the dirty hot smell…there was another scent in addition to it. So I did like any good mom would do…I followed my nose. I knew that smell! But we weren’t IN a rest area off the interstate! What in the world!

    My nose carried me to my baby’s room, who happened to be around 5 at the time. It got stronger and stronger and I got hotter and hotter. I finally stopped at the floor vent in said child’s room, dreading the next few minutes. I instructed him to leave his room for a few, while mommy got herself under control. It seems, in a fit of laziness, he had chosen to relieve himself in the vent…SEVERAL WEEKS AGO…instead of walking to the next room and properly taking care of business. If he was big enough, I would have had him clean it up, but did you know that those heating ducts go straight down and then CURVE?! I guess I’m thankful for the curve because I was at LEAST able to reach the…ugh…puddle. I was on the floor, literally up to my shoulder, with my arm how the hole trying to soak it up with paper towels.

    The kid will never live this one down, I promise!!!

  • Joyful Mom

    Oh gosh, I’m turning RED just thinking about this story.

    I was pregnant with Baby #4 and had taken my daughter with me to get my blood work done. She was 8 at the time. We’re in the waiting room, which was crowded of course, when a commercial for the warming K-Y gel came on the tv. She blurted out, rather loudly, “Mommy, that’s the same stuff you have on your night stand!”

    Yep, I’m sure those people had no trouble imagining why I was pregnant with Baby #4! :) LOL

  • lmashe81

    That was a funny story. It had me rolling! It remind me of how my boys “decorated” my husbands office at the church the other day. We were having a dinner and I was trying to get things fixed for the family that was going to be eating there. My husband decided that It would be a great idea to stick the boys in his office. Well it lasted all of about thirty minutes. He kept checking on them well he came back the last time with blue, red and black marker all over his wall. Did i happen to say that the are 21 months and 3? At least yours was temporary.

  • melanie

    i don’t know if i can top anyone else’s story, but i blogged about talking to my kids about their bodies here (http://myattkids.blogspot.com/2007/11/talk-revisted-again.html) and i still laugh when i read about it. of course, you might just have to know my kids.

    thanks for all your words and your hilarious stories. we’ve had some bad target experiences ourselves. somehow they just keep letting us back in . . .

  • mlpinky

    Too funny. I am so glad that we have kids around to keep things real.

    I just got back from a “field trip” with my three kids. We went apple picking at this great farm. We were just putting our apples in the trunk and were going to go back in for some more fun and a apple treat, when I was hit suddenly with the great need to go to the bathroom. Anyways, I spotted a port-a-potty close by so I yelled to the kids that I would be right back and don’t go anywhere. There was a little creek near where we park, so they asked if they could look at the water and I was so intent on what I needed to do, I just yelled back “no”. Not two minutes later, I heard some yelling and crying. I run over and my seven year old son is soaking wet. He was climbing a tree and fell into the water. He was so upset and crying… I wanted to take a picture of him, but he wouldn’t let me! Poor guy, I just had to laugh.

  • just1

    So funny! My girls still think that maxi pads are “boobie pads.” :-) They must think I stuff my bra with them, which I don’t! Not to say I couldn’t use a little more “stuffing.”

  • Denise

    Thanks for a much-needed good laugh!

  • nowamomoffour

    Angie, I love your blog and you never cease to make me laugh!!! My story takes place walking through the hilander grocery store with my three year old. As we are walking out of the store together, I notice a woman sitting on the bench in the front of the store. She has an eye patch over her left eye. Right about the time we were walking past her, my lovely Allie yells out, “Look mom its a pirate”! Gotta love those precious parenting moments!!!

  • jlmcq

    Story:

    I was helping in my 3-yr old daughter’s sunday school class. It was mid-October, and although the church did not encourage celebrating Halloween, they hosted a fall costume party on that date. The teacher went around the room asking each child what costume they would wear for the party. My daughter proudly announced, “I want to be a scary black man!” I was completely mortified, and had no idea what she meant.

    Driving home from church, my husband and were seriously concerned — where had this comment come from? Had we inadvertenly done or said anything that might have instilled some misguided, racist ideas in her head? As we were discussing this, we drove past a fast food restaurant that was promoting the most recent Star Wars movie, and there was a large inflated statue of Darth Vader on the roof of the restaurant. My daughter excitedly exclaimed, “See, there he is! That’s the scary black man I want to be for Halloween!!” It all made sense — and really, if you were 3 and didn’t know his name, how would you describe Darth Vader?

    -Jennifer

  • rachelkiwi

    well, i dont have any kids yet, but i can say taht i did the VERY same thing when i was little. my parents were having a bible study down stairs, and i was supposed to be sleeping, but i took all my mom’s pads and a tube of toothpaste and went into my SISTER’S room and stuck pads on the walls and used toothpaste as glue to glue various other objects on the walls also. my mom just laughed too! i sent her the link of your blog today and made her read it and she called me laughing!

  • Kim

    I am following up my grocery store story with yet another embarrassing grocery store encounter. Same child, local grocery store this time. Brad was about 2 1/2 when this horrifying incident happened.

    Brad was in the cart…again, chatting up people as they shopped near our cart. This time, however, Brad encountered a middle age gentleman who was shopping in the soap isle. Brad said hi to him, as he did to everybody. The man said hi back. Brad said, “I’m a boy and I have a penis. But my mom’s a girl so she doesn’t have a penis…she has a “China”. The man, very calmly said, “Wow, that’s nice.” Then Bradley continued…..my dad’s a boy and he has a penis too. His is real big. I bet my dad’s penis is bigger than yers penis….”! I grabbed the cart and apologized profusely and ran, not walked, ran down the isle while Bradley smiled and waved at the man yelling, Bye!

    He was so friendly at that age! LOL……

  • Anne

    I love reading your blog and the last one was hilarious! Kids do the funniest things. My 3 year old has had his fair share…

    He is recently potty trained. It took a long time for him to go number 2 in the toilet and when he finally did he looked at me with a confused look on his face and said, “Mommy look, it’s a pickle” I laughed so hard!

    Thanks again for the writing you do on your blog. You have a talent for writing and what a great way for your to share your faith with so many people.

  • jlmcq

    ooh, thought of another more recent one….

    Our friends invited us to spend the weekend with them at a posh lake house. Not being able to afford such luxuries ourselves, we jumped at the chance to do so as a guest. While swimming in the lake on the first day, our newly potty-trained 3 year old boy said he had to go to the bathroom. It was a long walk from the lake back to the house, so we quietly explained to him that it was okay for him to just pee in the lake. He said ok, and we thought that was that. A few minutes later, we heard laughter coming from a boat that was passing by the dock — our son had walked up on the dock, pulled down his swim trunks, and was peeing in the lake from up there for all to see. Apparently we’d not been clear about how to do this quietly while dressed and still in the water!

  • diane

    Back in 2002 I had planned a big Powerpuff Girl blowout birthday party for 2 of my daughters, turning 4 and 5. I took the day off work and spend the day cleaning the house and getting all the party stuff ready. When I got to the day care to pick them up, I leaned down and explained to them that mommy spent all day cleaning the house for their party the next day, and that they needed to play in the play room, but not make a big mess…because of course we wanted the house to me nice and clean for their party. I turned to sign them out for the day while another parent was signing his daughter out for the day as well. That is when my lovely 4 year turned to her sister and said (loudly)…”yeah, no F***ing mess!” I was mortified, and the other dad was trying VERY hard not to laugh out loud. He kindly turned to me and said, “Ya know, I’m not sure we’ll be able to make to the party tomorrow”. I wanted to hid under a rock.

    But he brought his daughter to the party and it was a great time. But we had a little discussion about bad words that evening.

  • Scarlet and Gray

    This was hilarious! I was trying to imagine what you were going to find the entire time I was reading but that was definitely better than I expected! You gotta love kids!

  • Kristina

    When my 2 oldest sons were 3 and 1, I took them to a restaurant with me to meet some friends. We got there first, so went to use the bathroom first. I took them both in the stall with me since they were too young to leave out on their own. My period had started unexpectedly and I was unprepared, so I stuffed toilet paper in my underwear to last until we got home. My 3 year old was very concerned and thought I was hurt. I told him I was ok, but he apparently ddn’t believe me. We got out to our table and sat down. When my friends got there, he asked very loudly in the crowded restaurant if she had any big bandaids because mommy has a big owie in her pants.

  • Nic

    Totally funny! Ok, as a mother of four I don’t get to embarrassed. over much any more, but this past summer we were at the Public Pool. I was laying out trying to soak up some sun and see my two year old daugher with half her bathing suit off. I rush over and discover the reason for taking off the suit. She had POOP floating around her. I hear someone say “It’s a Floater” and I swear everyone vacates the pool. I did what any mother would do and I went and asked for something to clean it out with. They give me this net that I swear is 10 feet long. I’m trying to fish out the poop and trying really hard not to leave and never show my face again. I had little kids with their goggles on looking underwater and then screaming “More Poop!!” I think I will always be rememeber as the mom whos kid pooped in the pool! Atleast I can laugh about it now !!

  • Lily’s Mama!

    Ok, so this is an embarassing story that doesn’t get told that often and you are about to hear why.

    I have 3 kids, my oldest being almost 5, he is the curious little bugger of the house hold. Its always, why? what? when? where? etc… so the questions are never ending.

    One night after we put all the kids to bed, thinking they were ALL asleep, my husband and I snuck off to our room for some “daddy and mommy” time. Well needless to say in the middle of all of this, I happen to hear the door open..my husband heard it also, and stopped quite quickly. My son goes, “daddy, what are you doing to mommy?”
    My husband trying to think rather quickly replys with,”Poking mommy.” (Not what my first response would have been, but I wasn’t asked :-) ) my son says, oh ok, and trotts back off to bed.

    While we went to my husbands families house for a BIG family dinner. (I think you all know where this is going) and my son is sitting at the table with us, all of sudden, (When it happend to be the quitetest moment of dinner I should mention) My son says to everyone at the table, “Daddy Likes to poke mommy while they are in bed”

    I wanted to crawl under the table and I do believe my husband did also. There was a burst of laughter…and lets just put it this way, the rest of the night was quite awkward…and I think I was a good shade of scarlet all night long…

    **I am glad your speaking went well. I am working towards public speaking for, Congenital Heart Defects. I am in the process of writting a book about my daughters story. She was born with 7 CHD’s and it has changed our lives, and opend my eyes to so much. I can not imagine the pain you go through with losing such a sweet precious blessing. My heart goes out to you. I can’t imagine my life without my Lily girl, but I have come to the realization that everyday that is a possibilaty, she will be have open heart surgeris the rest of her life… it is hard as a mother to watch your child suffer. I keep you and your family in my prayers. I also want to thank you for your writtings, you truly have a gift with your words, they make me laugh to the point of tears and cry sometimes like I was a baby all over.

    Sending you our Heart Hugs

    Sincerely,
    Jenna-Lilyana’s mama!

  • Colleen

    Thank you for some great laughs!!! I haven’t laughed like this in so long…….it was needed!!

  • Kelly M

    Not so much as an embarassing story but a funny one. It happened just yesterday evening. My child (3 yr old boy) was begging “pretty please can I have some gummy bears?” I kept telling him we had dinner soon, but he kept on so sweetly. I finally gave in and said “make sure you finish these before your daddy gets home. He would have my tail for giving these to you.” He finishes them up and even throws away the evidence.
    My husband gets home 30 minutes later and says “Little man, what have you been up to?”
    Our son replies “Just eating gummies. Now go get mommy’s tail!!”

  • Christie

    well, here’s my funny kiddo moment. my 4 year old gets home from school, finishes up her lunch and sits down on the couch to ‘rest’ (as she says). she starts passing gas like there is no tomorrow. she finishes and is giggling. i looked at her and said “are you finished? what do you say?” her reply, “WOW mom!! my butt says that was a really great lunch!” oh my!! i never thought i’d recover! =)

  • LEslie Bradner

    Ok, you asked for it. My story is a little gross but I am sure all you moms out there can handle it. My son Jacob was two and half and we were doing great with potty training with peeing but pooing wasn’t so successful. What is it with boys???? Well, one day I knew he had to go so I was on him like a hawk trying to catch him and get him to the toilet. Well, the phone rang, and I lost track of keeping my eagle eye on Jacob while I chatted away with my friend. After the quick phone call I went searching for Jacob who had been playing in his room and he was not there. I went down stairs and was instantly hit with the powerful stench of fresh POOP!!! Calling his name and holding my nose I ran into the dining room and nearly stepped in a large mound of, you know what, in the middle of the carpeted floor. On the walls were two neat poop hand prints and smears where he obviously tried to wipe the poop off his hands. I found him in the family room and he proudly announced to me, “I went POOP Mommy and cleaned it up.” He was naked and had poop smeared all over his body like war paint. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry I directed him to the bath tub as a battle raged inside, ” Do I clean him or the house first??” I opened windows and took my smelly boy to the tub to clean him. After a hard scrubbing and stern discussion of where poop goes and how to “clean up.” I put him down for a nap and headed downstairs to tackle the dining room clean up. By now I was almost wretching from the smell. After winning the war on poop in the dining room I collapsed with exhaustion in the family room to recover. As I sat there I kept thinking it smells so much in here and with the windows open and airing out the house, “Why is it so smelly?” It was then I noticed a partial handprint (yes, of poop) on the wall above the floor vent. NNNOOO!!!! Yes, when I looked in the vent there was more poop and some paper towels he had tried to clean himself up with. Also, at this point I decided to glance behind my sofa and there was another mound to greet me. No wonder the house smelled like a sewer. It is times like this you just want to laugh and cry at the same time and I thanked God I had put him down for a nap. I cleaned up the house and searched to make sure I hadn’t missed any other “hidden treasures.” Jacob evidently panicked and then tried to hide the evidence but bless his heart could not. When I thought of my little boy searching wildly for a place to hide his “treasures” I couldn’t help but laugh. At least, Unlike Angie, I didn’t have visitors coming over for dinner that night. Whew!!! Kids have a way of innocently shaking up life. So, there is one of my kid stories. Sometimes I feel like I could fill a book with them and it makes me feel so blessed that I could.

    Angie: Thanks for inspiring me to share. I loved your story so much. Thanks for sharing your life with all of us.

  • Kim

    That is hys-terical!!!

    Okay, mine is a time in college when I nannied for a family. It was an awesome gig and I even went on fabulous vacations with them. Well, on one such trip {to Kiawah Island}, I was in the bathroom taking a shower. When I stepped out, the door flew open and it was the four year old, Houston. I instantly covered myself up and shewed him out of the bathroom.

    I didn’t really think a whole lot about it till I went downstairs. Everyone was cracking up laughing at me. I’m thinking, “what?” Finally, one of the adults {there was many} asked me, “Houston wants to know why you have a sticker on your fanny?”

    Yes, that would be a tiny tatoo {smaller than a dime} that I had gotten {don’t dare ask me why!} on my “back thigh” area {not necessarily on my rear} a few years prior. Sad part, I swear I’m not a party animal, never have been – I’m a true-glorified-square – but everybody on this trip thought I was one wild party animal when they heard about my “sticker”!!! That was 10 years ago and I’m still mortified!

    I guess that is why I should have never gotten that thing!!!

  • Aggie

    I have many funny kid moments, but here are 2. One I have to share because it is so fresh in my mind (it happened this past Sat).
    1) See my blog entry “Kids say the most hilarious things” at
    http://www.emptymefillmeagain.blogspot.com/
    2) Last year, just before Christmas, my husband bought himself a package of mens briefs. Only, he bought the wrong size and they were way to big for him. So he decided to wrap them up and give them to his father along with some other clothes he had bought him for Christmas and his birthday. So far so good right? Well, when my father-in-law opened the package and proceeded to thank my husband, my 5 year old said “They were way too big for Daddy Pop so we gave them to you!”
    He said this so loud that everyone at the Christmas party heard him. How embarrassing!

  • Shannon

    Angie, I usually don't comment, but had to this time cause I just told my brother that I wished I had the guts to send this story in someplace…

    I use to teach Kindergarten. One year I had a sweet, high energy little boy in my class. He loved to learn but could NOT hold still or be quiet. On this particular day, I was teaching something (of which I cannot remember) and he raised his hand. I was beside myself with excitement, for he had never done this before. I went on and on about how proud I was and that I was so glad he was wanting to be apart of the lesson…so when I finally asked him what he wanted to say….

    (okay, I have to back track to give a little detail…I am one to always modestly dress myself, you know, bloomers and such :) & as far as the top area, I am not lacking,let's just say, I know how high bras go… but by what wear, you wouldn't guess it.)

    Okay back to his reponse…

    This little 5 year old gentleman stood up (not something I required) and cleared his throat (again, an original on his part) and proceeded to ask me,

    "Miss T., Why do you have water balloons in your shirt?…and can I have one when your done with them?"

    Needless to say, not what I expected. Thankfully, I have a sense of humor, cause there were 3 other adults in the room…on the floor.
    *******************

    Now as far as the maxi pads…my friends daughter actually decorated her dog with a bunch once.:)

    Thanks Angie,love coming to visit you. And always praying

  • Stephanie Robinson

    I love your blog. The kid stories are hilarious. My son, who was three at the time was shopping with me in the under garment department when he yelled out, “Mommy, there’s one of those things that you put on your two bellies.” Of course, he was pointing at a bra. So embarrassing, but I couldn’t get the smile off of my face.

  • Frandsen Family

    I always love your stories..
    I have two embarassing stories..
    The first also has to do with Maxi Pads. My boss at work ( I work with a bunch of ladies)made a gag Christmas gift of slippers made from Maxi Pads. Well I took them home, and they were just the perfect size for my two year old to wear around. One night my husband took her to Walmart not realizing she still had the “slippers” on her feet. He has never been so embarassed.
    Now to my son who is now 6. When he was two he went into nursery class at church and informed his teacher that he looked and looked for his Mommy and Daddy that morning but couldn’t find him. When she asked where he finally found him he informed her “In the shower together.” This is the same kid who asked (also in nursery) when they were going to get their beer and crackers.
    Aren’t kids fun!?! I sure do love mine!

  • blessingsandglory

    I hope I’m not too late – I’m a west-coaster….

    Thanks for the great laugh! Here’s our story (I seemed to have plenty to choose from…)

    While running errands as a family on Saturday, we resorted to bribing Henry at each stop.

    We even promised a lawn mower ride at Home Depot as a trade-off for some time in the always boring organizational section.

    We promised Henry a ‘milk treat’ (aka Horizon milk from Starbucks) if he would play the quiet game in the car.

    And we actually pulled the ‘Santa card.’ In October. At Costco. While in the parking lot. And again, back in the car.

    And then we had a conversation on the way home from said morning of errand running horror.

    “Henry, remember Santa is watching you and he wants you to be a good boy. He wants you to use your manners. To not talk back. To be a good listener. And then, if you do all of those things he will bring you a toy at Christmas.” (I swear I did not say this to my three year-old son. On the first Saturday of October. Clearly I was at the end of my rope.)

    “Mom, how will Santa know which toy I want? Will you just call him on the phone?”

    “Henry, you could write him a letter,” Alex piped in.

    “We can write him or call him. Whichever you decide” I tell Henry.

    “OK. I’ll be a good listener. I really want that (496 piece!?) marble toy.”

    “Thank you Henry. Remember, Santa is always watching. He wants you to be a good boy and if you are, then he will get you that toy (or more than likely something else that has fewer pieces.)

    A blissful moment of silence.

    “You know mom, it’s not Santa that I’m worried about. It’s Jesus that matters.”

    Obliviously I have a three year-old son that is smarter than his mom.

  • Stephanie Robinson

    I love your blog. The kid stories are hilarious. My son, who was three at the time, was shopping with me in the bra section at Penneys. He yells out, “Mommy, there’s one of those things you put on your two bellies.” I know my face was beat red as I looked around with one of those “Ha ha kids are so cute” smiles.

  • Jess

    I know I’m too late, but I had to write in anway. I was in Children’s Place the other day, and I had my 3 girls I nanny for with me….9, 9, 6, and one of their friends. A song starts to play overhead, and they all start singing and moving. I sing along a little bit too. I am like, “Girls, know where I know this song from?” and they are like, “no?” I then proclaim that I know it from the Hannah Montana Wii game that we play every now and then. And then the hysterical laughter begins. They soon tell me, with all honesty and trying not to make me feel bad, “Ugh, this is Hilary Duff!” To which I stated, “Man, I thought I was SO cool!” To this day, they will every now and then say, “Man, I thought I was cool,” and we all bust out laughing. It was a moment I’ll never forget. Thanks for sharing Angie! :) I’ll see you on the 23rd!

  • Beckie

    I love your blod Angie!

    Ok, I JUST had this happen last weekend. My 7 year old daugher had her friend over last weekend to play. They were playing barbies in the living room and my husband walked over to me and whispered, “go check out what the girls are doing”. I walked over to the room to see a huge kid-made barbie house with bedrooms and all. We don’t have any barbie furniture, so they found the next best thing. They were using pantyliners for barbie beds. I’m sure they were very comfortable!! ..ahahaha, i just about fell over.

  • Gina

    ok…just the other day my 4 year old told a mommy at my kids school that “my mommy used the toilet and blocked it-she had to use the plunger”.

    I am still pink from blushing.

  • Beckie

    umm, i meant BLOG, not blod. whatever that means..lol

  • Jill

    This summer we had a 1000 gallon pool in our back yard to help make those hot summer days go by more quickly. One afternoon while we were ‘topping off the pool’ with the house, I inadvertantly forgot that the hose was still on. Water began to cascade over the sides of the pool – literally flooding a large section of our backyard. Out of nowhere my seven year old yells (at the top of her lungs) from the backyard, “Look Mom, it’s VIAGARA falls!” I about fell over laughing..Trying to compose myself, I said, Mary, do you mean “Niagara Falls”?. No, Mommy. You know. VIAGARA (again in a very loud voice) falls – (apparently she watches too much T.V.) I don’t think I stopped laughing about that for a week.

  • Chad and Sarah

    **Disclaimer: We are not overly prude in our house, but we are appropriate.** One day when my oldest was 3 years old she walked in the restroom when my husband had finished his shower. She proceeded to tell some friends next time they were over that daddy had a tail!! :)

  • Sarah

    haha. I loved the story!!

    It makes me think of a time when I was younger and my family and I had gone to the movie theater. After the movie was over I immediately went to the restroom because of all the soda I had drank. Well, while I was in the stall I had some napkins in my hand from eating popcorn. I’m sitting on the toilet and look over to my right and see a little silver box that says “personal napkins” on it. Being about 6 or 7-years-old, I think to myself, “wow, they have a trashcan just for napkins??” haha. Well, now that I am older I know what they meant by “personal napkins.” But the most embarrassing part was whenever I opened the top to throw my paper napkins away, and apparently the box had been taken out and I was looking directly into the next stall and saw a woman doing her “business.” I screamed and immediately ran out of my stall and the bathroom!!

    I think most of my embarrassing stories involve me being in the bathroom, now that I think of it..
    I know I am rambling on, but I have one more story that people seem to enjoy. The sad part, was that I was about 12 when it happened to me… haha
    Well, ever since I was little my parents never limited anything I could watch, so I was watching scary movies very young, and needless to say, I get frightened easy. Well, I was taking a shower at night when all the sudden the lights went out. I knew my dad was outside so the first thing that popped in my head was, “Oh no. A murderer!!” So what do I do? Well, I tore down the shower curtain bring it around me and curl up into a ball on the shower floor, while the water is still running. For some reason I believed the murderer wouldn’t notice a shower curtain ball?? haha. SO after laying there for a few minutes I decide it would be okay to get up. I put a towel around me and go to the front door where I find my dad standing on the porch. He informs me that there has just been a power surge. So i informed him that we needed a new shower curtain!! haha.

    Hope you enjoyed my stories :)

  • Peas on Earth

    Several years ago, just before Christmas, I went to pick up my son at preschool. I had had a good day and was feeling happy enough, but soon the snickers and looks of every staff member I passed started getting to me. “What?” I asked. “What?”

    When I finally got to my son’s classroom, his teacher, Ms. Abby, let me in on the “what.”

    He had been playing with a Fisher Price nativity set when she noticed his diaper needed changing. She got him into a lying down position as he continued to play with the little plastic Jesus. Suddenly, without provocation, he asked her in his most innocent two year old voice, “Did Baby Jesus have a penis?”

    Once she got over her choking, she answered, “Well, I don’t know … He was a boy, so what do you think?”

    “Me think he do,” he replied confidently.

    As if that weren’t enough, before she could get the clean diaper on, he raised his hips, shook them back and forth, and proclaimed with great pride, “Look! I can make it jiggle!”

    Oh, kids sure how to make a mother proud! :-)

  • Carole

    Although I do have many embarrassing stories, none of them are a result of my sweet boy. He’s only 18 months, so I’m sure the day will come! Thanks so much for the laugh:)

  • targetshopper

    I laughed so hard at your story! Here’s mine…

    I was home alone with my two kids and happened to have to go upstairs to grab something from my bedroom. While up there I decided that I had to go to the bathroom so I went into the master bathroom, leaving my bedroom and bathroom door open to listen for the kids. It wasn’t 2 seconds when I heard my son yelling from the kitchen. Here’s the conversation:

    “MOM”….”What” I yelled back.

    again, “MOM”, again, “WHAT?”

    3rd time, “MOM”,

    “WHAT DO YOU NEED?” I yelled

    “Come here” he yelled. Totally frustrated, I SCREAMED “I’m going potty” trying to speak his language. He replied “WHAT?” Uggh “I’m going potty” I screamed even louder as I finished up and started to walk out of the bathroom.

    As I go down the stairs I ask what in the world he needed. He says, “never mind.” Of course, I’m completely annoyed that he would scream up the stairs and then say nevermind but I let it go and turn around to walk away.

    That is when I see it! Sitting on my kitchen table, yes inside my house, is a HUGE (too big for my son to carry) bouquet of flowers. So I ask my son, “How did this get in here?” He answers, “well I opened the door and you were going potty so the flower man put them there”. YES, the flower MAN. The man who was not only inside my house but heard me screaming “I’m going potty.”

    Needless to say, my son got a HUGE lecture on opening the door to strangers and I’m sure the flower man got a big kick out of the lady that was screaming about going potty.

  • kel

    funny and EMBARRASSING!!! one friday evening my husband, 3 year old daughter and i were eating dinner together at a sushi restaurant. every table was full. our daughter was recently potty trained at the time (may, 2008) and she needed to potty. so excited that she actually told us she needed to potty, i proudly escorted her to the restroom.

    to my great surprise, she had to go #2 (this usually only took place hiding in a corner in her undies). when she finished, she and i were both so proud! we washed up, walked out of the restroom and she exclaimed to my husband who was seated at the other end of the room, “DADDY! I POO POO’D IN THE POTTY!”

    EVERYONE turned their heads…

  • vdt

    I know you want funny kids stories, but this is “kid related.” I had pregnancy brain going. We were on vacation and my husband had gotten sunburned. So I ran into the CVS or Walgreens to get him Aloe. I figured he might like the “land before time kids” aloe and make him laugh. I was kiddy about it…. He was waiting in the van. I bought it and went out of the store, ready to make him smile…. opened the van door and got in. Looked to my left and started to say… I got you land before time aloe and as I started to speak, realized that I was in the wrong van. They started laughing as did I and my husband realized what I was doing and pulled up behind us and was trying to catch me before I made a fool of myself…. too late! Denia Tackett Vght@aol.com

  • Rebecca CA

    I am a wedding florist anad coordinator in Beverly HIlls CA, I have very upscale clients and my daughter stopped by once when I had a meeting with a very important client and numerous of my vendors I work with ofter. She walked in as they were looking at my wedding album and she says really loud thats when I was in my Mommy tummy (which is not true she was born 3 years after our wedding) the more I thought to explain the worst it sounded I was so embarrassed : ) and yesterday while in church my 2 year old is playing quietly in church during our remembrance when he pulls out a tampon and in the midst of quiet waves it in the air and asks what is this
    Rebecca CA

  • christy

    Hey Angie…I just wanted to leave you one of the many funniest stories I have! We have 4 kids so there is always something going on! Anyways…I was away for the day and my husband,Todd,had all of the kids. My oldest daughter who is 4 hollered for some assistance in the bathroom. My husband helped her and when he went to pull up her panties she had a maxi pad stuck to them! He asked her why she did that and she said that all mommies wear them!! I hate I missed that moment!!

  • blakettu1

    Ok, to try to shrink this story to be quick… while babysitting for my best friend… I was late 20s at this point.. and her 8 year old daughter decided that she could not sleep at the house without a ‘real’ grown up present. Never felt so small, this of course is after she made me reassure her that her dad showed me how to open the windows, in case there was a fire and we couldn’t get out of the house. She’s my little drama queen! :)

  • vaneblu

    I wish you could speak spanish to understand my story, or to laugh from it, I’ll try to translate, when my sister got her period my mom was talking about it with her, I was 4 years old, I started screaming Cinthya has her Menstation (as menstruation) and kept going mentation, menstation, so my mother said is trua trua, and I screamed Cinthya has her menstation-trua-trua, menstation-trua-trua.

  • CM

    Well, I had to re-comment (is that a word?) just so I could enter the contest!

    One afternoon the UPS man rang the doorbell and said that he had a large box to deliver and asked if I could open the garage door and he would just put it in there since it was really big (it was furniture) and it was starting to rain out. I said sure and as I headed through the house to the garage, the phone rang. I grabbed it as I walked through the kitchen. It was my sister-in-law and I proceeded to carry on a conversation with her as I stood in the driveway watching the UPS man unload my boxes. A few minutes later he carried the last box in a immediately got a funny look on his face. He said “Um,ma’am” and pointed behind me. To my absolute horror there was my 3 year old little girl riding her tricycle (a red vintage looking one at that) in circles inside the garage STARK NAKED! The UPS man quickly put the box into the garage and turned around very fast and looked away. Needless to say he drove off very quickly. Two weeks later the Pest Control guy came to check the Centricon traps. When he finished he came to the front door for me to sign the inspection slip. He handed me the slip and as I was looking over it and signing it, I noticed that he started looking down at the floor and backing out onto the front porch. I turned around and looked behind me and there was my precious 3-yr-old again, you guessed it COMPLETELY NAKED stradling the stair rail! He kept apologizing, but clearly it was me who needed to apologize! Luckily she is almost five now and has outgrown he “stripping” phase!

  • Penny

    hmmmmm… how about this one. After we lost our sweety Mackenzie friends of ours offered us their beach house in St. Pete Florida. We were thrilled to be able to take the kids and get away for awhile. We had a fabulous time and the kids loved it. Right before it was time to come home they were preparing for a hurrican……. sorry can’t remember which one but I did remember to bring all the kids…. anyway, we loaded up the van and headed home. The next week I went to pick up the Logan at Sunday school and his teacher came out in the hall and asked about our vacation. I told her we had a great time and wished we could have stayed. She said “Well, I thought I should tell you when we asked for prayers and praises Logan raised his hand and said “Thanks God for letting us go on vacation it was really fun. I just wish Mom didn’t make us go home when the “hooker came”. I blanched for a moment and then realized what he meant. I told her no hooker but Hurricane….. She still giggles about it.

  • brieleab

    This is my first time to post, but I absolutely LOVE your blog and look forward to your posts. You inspire me daily.

    So I have a kid story. When my nephew was 3 we all went to a restaurant we often go to for my husband’s birthday. We were with my husband’s family, and I should probably tell you that my mother and father-in-law are VERY conservative. The waiter was taking everyone’s drink order, and my brother-in-law and sister-in-law were trying to allow my nephew to become independent and order for himself. Well, that would have been fine except that when it was his turn to order out of that sweet, sweet child’s mouth came “a bwurbun (bourbon) and coke”! We all looked around, shocked of course, and the sweet waiter said, “ummm, are you sure?” We all just died laughing, because, well, what else can you do in a situation like that?!? Even my mother and father-in-law had to chuckle because they know where he learned about that drink. My sister-in-law’s parents quite often order drinks out, and we suppose my nephew picked it up from them (at least we hope and he didn’t pick that up at daycare!).

    Glad everything went well for you on Friday. I look forward to reading more of your blog :)

  • Susan

    Your story made me laugh! Several years ago, my son and my niece were playing and I heard my niece say, “Ewwww, did you toot?” and my son so innocently said, “No, but I could if you want me to!” They are now 29 and 20 – we still laugh about it today!

  • Bird’s Words

    okay.. here’s one of my most embarrassing moments. When my son was 3, we were in the Merle Norman store in town. They had a boutique in the back with lots of breakables, but it didn’t matter because we were up front with the makeup, right? sure, until Bryan announced he had to go to the bathroom. The nice lady told me that the bathroom was in the back, to which Bryan responded “thank you. I go now”. He started to run to the back, and I could just envision a lot of things I was going to have to pay for, so I yelled for him to stop and wait for me. He did. He stopped in the middle of the aisle, pulled his pants to his ankles, said “Do you see this penis? It is full of pee pee mommy. I go NOW” and proceeded to go all over a fake tree they had in the store. I wanted to die. What could I do except let him finish? I figured better if it was on the tree than all over the store, right? So, after he was done, I told the lady I would buy the makeup and the tree.
    Once we were outside, I asked him why he would ever think to do that. He explained to me that it was because “papa let me pee on a tree”. yeah.. on a camping trip!
    I have never been back to Merle Norman again, by the way.

  • Jess

    Angie-
    I love the story about the girls and the pads. I can relate. I have a 7 year old son who I tend to do the same thing when I’m trying to hurry and get things done. I have a funny little story about him. 4 ½ years ago my father passed away and we were at his prayer service. My son was in the process of being potty trained so he was wearing pull ups. Just as the prayer service was wrapping up my son, who was 3 at the time, walked back to my husband’s parents and was visiting with them. The next thing I heard was a bunch of people laughing. Here he deiced to show Nana and Papa his Light year and beyond pull ups. Yep, he had pulled his pants down so they, and everyone else, could see his Buzz Light year big boy pants. It was a little embarrassing at first but looking back it was a laugh we all needed.

    Anyway, congrats on making it through you speech. You truly amaze me. I love coming to your blog and reading your entries. Sometimes I find myself re-reading them because I enjoy them. Thanks Angie!

  • rachels77

    I love that story! We have two daughters, Mikayela (6) and Emma (4) who are a constant source of laughter in our hectic household.

    Emma is our heart kiddo, with 6 heart defects. She had to have her second open-heart surgery in April of this year and came home (praise God) after a few weeks, on many medicines. One of the medicines was Viagra (yes that Viagra), which she hated to take … it had to be compounded into this nasty liquid. But it was necessary in order to maintain the pressures around her heart.

    After a few months, we were able to wean her from several medications to 2. On the last day of her Viagra dose, we celebrated by having a “no more Viagra” party, complete with a birthday cake and candles.

    The next day, we were in the WalMart checkout line and the cashier asked us how we were doing. Emma (then 3) piped up and announced “we’re fine! I don’t have to take any more Viagra because I had cake!” The cashier turned red and said “ummmm,… okay…” and gave me an odd look.

    You’ve got to love children’s honesty!

  • Amy Bee

    When my son was three years old, I had to make a quick stop to the grocery store after Sunday morning church service. We are standing in line and I am dressed up and feeling quite confident when I feel something funny in the back of my dress. My son Jarrad is standing under my dress and is smacking my bottom saying loudly “Big BUTT, BIG BUTT, BIG BUTT”

    I was horrified.

  • Kari

    I probably have a good story, but honestly, I can’t remember because I am giggling and crying!!! That was funny!!!

  • amy

    I posted before your “update”…Do I need to re-enter my story to be included in the contest????? I posted earlier at 10:20pm 10/5 :) . I want to be included! I want to win a surprise! :)

  • Claire

    I don’t have children, but I do have a story of unknowingly corrupting my brother’s nieces and nephews. They were about to move to Croatia, and the night before they left we were watching The Sound of Music.

    The children, ages 6 and under, started asking me questions about the soldiers. As a teacher, of course I love a good teachable moment. I lost all sense of age appropriateness for learning about the holocaust, so I explained to them what nazis were.

    Bad idea.

    Evidently, they have moved to Germany and now ask people they meet if they are nazis.

    I’m pretty sure my boyfriend’s sister has me on her permanent hit list by now.

  • perilloparodies

    two sundays ago, my husband confronted our oldest son, 7, in the hallway of our church between two of the Sunday school rooms… apparently someone had gone to the bathroom and made a mess that my husband found… it looked like an “A” mess, even though he denied it… okay, so, later, i got the truth out of him. In an effort to hurry up pee, and because the lid to the toilet was down and much too difficult to lift up while in a rush, he peed in the toilet brush container!!! now, this is one who has been punished for peeing in our kitchen trash can, on the floor behind the bathroom sink, etc… and so. i also survived, but boy am i glad that it was my husband who discovered the mess and not someone else…

  • Katie

    Hi Angie,

    While this is in no way the funniest kid story ever, it’s my newest one, and relevant to today.

    Last week with dinner, we had chicken, salad, and hominy. (And, no, the funny part of the story isn’t that I made my kids eat hominy–my mom is from MS, so we ate that a lot growing up:) Rose, my 2-year old ate every last bite, Thomas-6, balked as usual. Anna, the 4-yr old took one bite and said, “Mommy, I’m not eating anymore. I don’t like the economy.”

    Well, it made us laugh. Hope it gave you a smile as well. Thanks for the lesson in humility. I love your blog.

  • perilloparodies

    oh, sorry, but just had to say thank you for the fit-o-giggles, SO needed that. you are a neat friend… i think you and i would have a great time laughing life up… looking at the funny side of life backs up what scripture says about laughter being a medicine, and what a relief it is!!! :-) Thanks.

  • April

    Your story is hilarious. I am a preschool teacher so I get lots of funny stories, every day… I have two stories to share. One day while I was in a toddler classroom, one of the teachers had just finished changing diapers, and stepped out of the diapering area into the classroom. The children were in the process of finishing up snack and the teacher (after washing her hands of course) walked over to help clean the tables. She bent down and picked up a dark brown substance (one of the children had raisins that day) and well it wasn’t a raisin, it was a small little gift that “fell” out a diaper. The teacher screamed “oh my gosh this isn’t a raisin”. I started laughing so hard that I fell to the floor as the teacher ran into the bathroom and began scrubbing her hands. Needless to say she didn’t pick up questionable substances ever again without a pair of gloves on.
    The second story is an actual kid story. One day one of my co-workers came in and shared a story about her 2 1/2 year old daughter. She had said that over the weekend her daughter had asked a question that she wished she didn’t go futher with. the daughter had began talking about ‘parts’ of the body. Well, the daughter went on to say that she knew the girls had ‘vaginas’, and her daughter went on without skipping a beat and said ‘and boys they have things that go wiggle wiggle wiggle.’ she went on to name all her teachers (one of which was a male) and told her mom what body part they had. Needless to say I can never see a Jello commercial ever again without laughing very hard.

  • Kim

    Oh my, I keep coming back to this story all day long. I’ve had the worst day and it surely puts a smile on my face and laughter in my heart! LOL

    My story involves my 13 year old son, who was 4 and in preschool at the time. When my son was young, we had to relate everything in a way he would understand. He had one set of Grandparents that lived in a small home and the other Grandparents that lived in a large apartment building. (Stick with me here and it will make sense in a minute!) He had Grandparents Day at school and the kids all had to introduce themselves and their Grandparent. When it was my son’s turn he proudly said, “I’m Kyle and this is my Grandma from the Big House!” My Mom just about DIED!! She said it was one of the most humiliating days of her life and everyone in the room kept a safe distance from her!
    Luckily for my Mom when her other grandchildren came along she became known as “Grandma Green Car”. She doesn’t get quite the same looks for that one! LOL

    God Bless you Angie and I prayed your speaking engagement would go well!

    Have you mentioned yet whether you and the girls will be in Zeeland yet?

  • christina-defining moments

    I went to Target with my then 4 yr old and 3 year old right after the gym (no shower – I was gross!) I found something cute so I went to try it on. I of course still had my sports bra on. I took my shirt off and loudly and excitedly my 4 year old says,” now you can see how many pounds you are for the black team!” I stood there for a moment to figure out what she was trying to say and I realized she meant “The Biggest Loser” she wanted me to go on the show. I left the dressing room so hoping no one else heard her! There are so many others and since they are now only 5 and almost 4 and i have one on the way, I am sure I still have years more of them to come!

  • Kim Newt-Burg

    Myself, the baby and my 5 year old were in Sam’s the other day. I was planning to go to dinner with some girl friends that night, so in the midst of picking up the other things I needed, I thought I would be smart and pick up a “take and bake” pizza so I wouldn’t have to cook for the guys before I left. Little did I know…

    We are in the check out line, and I hand the clerk(who at this time is not very friendly) the pizza to scan and then hand it over into the buggy to Ian to hold while she checks out the rest of my items. I am paying no attention to the children and am busy yacking my smack to the check out lady trying to be nice in an attempt to get her to smile.

    When I turn my attention back to the buggy to get my check card, I notice first cheese and sausage on the floor and then my eyes scan up to see it in the bottom of the buggy. I then see Ian (who is sitting in the big part) looking like a chipmunk and chewing as fast as he can. He is eating the pizza—-RAW!! I am mortified and simultaneously angry that I just paid 9 bucks for a pizza where half is in his mouth and half is all over the cart. When I manage in an almost even tone, “Ian honey, what are you doing?” He simply answers, “I was hungry!”

    The lady checking me out, who hadn’t been nice at all before, got me a new pizza that I didn’t have to pay for and cleaned up my mess!!

  • Jenny

    I have a maxi pad story and the pictures to prove it. Not only did my children decorate my FRESHLY PAINTED bathroom right before company came for dinner, they emerged from the bathroom triumphantly wearing tampons on their ears for earrings. My girlfriend that came for a visit was the first to notice the decorations on the walls, and asked me which of my children was PMSing and pointed to the bathroom. So much for making a good impression on the guests! I played it off well….grabbed the camera and snapped a few shots…although I felt like grabbing a switch to paddle their bottoms.

  • Robyn

    My cousin’s 4-year-old daughter who had just recently started preschool, picked up sort of an unusual habit…she was also adjusting to life with her new baby sister, and had resorted to talking in baby talk. So rather than using words, everything was “goo-goo, ga-ga” etc. After an extremely long afternoon of listening to the baby talk, my cousin’s patience was tried, she turned to her and said in as the sternest voice she could muster, “Avery, no more baby talk, you are a big girl, and mommy wants to hear you talk like a big girl. If I hear baby talk one more time you are going to be in big trouble.” (maybe a bit of an overreaction, but this was mommy was at the end of her rope) After some time had passed my cousin walked back into the room and overheard Avery talking in baby talk again. Like a deer caught in headlights Avery looked up at her and said, “That was Spanish mamma.”

    Wow! That’s one smart little chica! :) How can you be mad at that???

  • Heather

    I have a story that also includes maxi pads. I was shopping with my 3 and a half year old son who had just started talking and has never stopped since. I had some maxi pads in the shopping cart and was still looking around the store when we met up with some coworkers of mine (male)in the military. While we were talking my son picked up the maxi pads and told them that these are what mommy puts on her bum. I just took them and put them back in the cart.

  • Jenny

    I have to add this one….Once in the checkout line at the very busy Target, my 5 year old, who can read very well for age 5, read that something was “Made in China” and then exclaimed in a very loud voice “Mama! China rhymes with VAGINA!!!!!” The checkout lady laughed until tears rolled down her face. I of course was mortified. I can’t go back to that Target without a wig now.

  • memenzel

    I had just finished taking a shower and dressing, and I went to sit w/ my four year old and watch “Little Bear”
    He snuggled up next to me and said, “you smell good mom, what did you do?” I explained I took a shower.

    he said “Good, because you made the stinky smell go away and I don’t gag when i sit next to you now!”

    Thanks son, for keeping me humble.

    Love your blog!

  • Ashlie

    Oh my goodness…that story cracked me up!!

    Since you asked us to share…A couple of weeks ago I was taking my two year old to go potty in a public restroom. She has just recently gotten the hang of potty training and is not shy about telling me and everyone else all about it. While she is sitting on the potty trying to go, someone comes into the stall beside us. The first thing that she says is, “Mommy she has purty shoes!!” I agree, as quietly as possible, and then remind her to try to get her potty to come out. The lady next to us starts to pee, and because it is a public restroom, you can hear it. So my child starts clapping and saying, “Yay lady, she potty!!” I was trying not to laugh at this point, and then we hear the toilet paper roll start going. My little girl then pipes up with, “Mommy, she wipe her luwie (this is what we call our girl parts)…” At this point I was laughing so hard I needed to “go potty”! And yes, we waited in the stall until I was absolutely certain that lady was good and gone from the bathroom!!

    Hope you have a great Monday!

  • colesGodmommy

    alright, so this isn’t a “my kid” story but it’s pretty hilarious! There’s a big age gap between all of my siblings and my youngest sister is now 8 years old. But this story comes from when she was 4–we had just gotten a new puppy towards the end of summer and Briana was starting preschool that year. On Briana’s first day of preschool, she told everyone all about her new puppy Teddy (she was VERY excited!) So the next day of preschool, the following conversation ensued:

    Teacher: Briana, how is Teddy doing?!

    Briana: He’s good. He’s getting his balls cut off today.

    Apparantly, my stepdad hadn’t found the “proper” way to explain a dog getting neutered so that’s how he explained it to her…never thinking she would repeat it in public (as most 4 year olds would do!) Needless to say, my mom makes him run all his answers to “serious” questions past her now! I hope that wasn’t too *inappropriate* to share but I thought it was just too funny not to!

  • Carli Webb

    Here is my funny kid story…my neice, who was 5 at the time, was being really mean to her younger brother. Since it was around Christmas time, her mother kept telling her that santa would not come if she was bad. A few minutes later, she hit her brother again. Her mom said “santa is watching and sees you being naughty.” My neice replied by saying “well, if you could close those dumb blinds, he couldn’t see me anymore!” haha!

  • The Munger Family

    That is hilarious! It sounds just like my two girls, they aren’t twins, but they are 20mos. apart and were always doing stuff like that!

  • Beckycain6

    Okay, okay, okay. All of us vanity women–let the truth come out. Here’s a little diddy for you….

    We took our kids on a cruise for Thanksgiving last year. You know, the warm sun–big boat–good looking crowd. I made sure that we looked as “cool” as possible. Big mistake. When we gloat–the Lord helps us bloat.

    One of the evenings on the boat–we were all ready for our fancy dinner. My husband and I (and our group of kids in tow) headed for the fancy dining room. Kathryn, our (then) 3 year old, said for the 10th time during the beginning of this fancy dinner that she needed to go potty.

    Let me tell you–I had on the dress. The cute sandals. The hair-do. The summer tan….and felt like a million bucks.

    I decide to get up and waltz out, shoulders back, remember–cute hair….with my youngest holding my finger. The picture of clean-cut, organized Mom.

    What I haven’t admitted yet is that the big stinkin boat swayed the whole time–making me feel sick as a dog. I could have let it go–either end at any time. Smart people walking around with patches behind their ears—like they know everything. I took Dramamine. Big mistake. That just makes you feel sleepy and drugged and still sick.

    I got into the bathroom and stood patiently outside the fancy stall, across from a woman who was so totally dressed to the nines. I stood there convinced that she had no idea that I could explode at any minute. I heard my mouth say things like, “Oh yes, Mac lipstick….Revlon? No way. Redken and Kenra. Saks–yes.” Once she took her turn in the bathroom–I let Kathryn go first—you know, the good Mom in me. (Really, it was to make sure hoity-toity woman had washed her hands, refreshed her lipstick and cleared out of the bathroom.)

    Once I was sure she was gone, I took that grand opportunity to go to the bathroom—and I mean really go to the bathroom.

    Kathryn kept saying, “You’re stinky Mommy. You’re stinky.”

    We finished up, opened the bathroom door and waltzed out back into the grand dining room. Same deal–shoulders back–looking good. “No one knows anything.” My mind told myself.

    We get to our table and sit down.

    “Was everything alright? We were waiting for you to order.” Husband says.

    “Yes, you know Kathryn…she’s slow going potty.” Me says.

    The waiter walks up.

    “Your order, Mam?” The waiter.

    Kathryn blurts out—

    “My Mommy had diarrhea.”

    To top it off, my son (the traitor) proceeds to laugh and tell everyone “Yeah, that’s funny. My mom’s farts smell like rotten beef.”

    Prideful attitude……..? Out the window and over-board.

    The ship, at that point, could have sunk for all I cared. No wonder people hide on their couches in front of the tv–eating and eating their life away.

    Vanity stinks.

  • Jenn

    Ok I have 3 stories for you. Neither of them were my child though. When I was 7 I stared my “monthlys”. We hadnt covered that in school yet so my mom had to tell me what was going on. My cousin and her boyfriend, also a friend of the family, were over for dinner that night. After my “lesson” my mom left the bathroom to tend to our guests. I finished up and realized there wasnt a trash can in the bathroom. I took my feminine product rolled it up in about a half roll of toilet paper then carried it through the house like you would a dead animal. You know what I mean, up in the air holding it with two fingers with a discusted look on your face. Yes, right though the house, guests and all. Of course when everyone saw what was in my hand they all laughed and I started screaming and crying.

    My second story happened only a couple years before. My mom had a playdate or something scheduled and was very nervous about it. She wanted to make the right impression on the mother of the child so we had a long talk about how to act infront of strangers and what we werent allowed to tell the other kids. Then she put a brand new very pretty very expensive summer dress on me so I would look my best. We went to my aunts house for lunch before the playdate and I wanted to go outside. We argued for awhile before she finnally told me I was to stay on the sidewalk only and if I got anything on my new dress I was in for it. Well, it had rained the night before but I did as I promised and didnt get off the sidewalk. In being so good and staying on the sidewalk I decided to ride my scooter, you remember those dont you? A stand up bike that you could go a million miles an hour. Well Im riding in ,on the sidewalk, when I hit a bump covered in mud and water from the rain storm the night before. I went flying, not falling, flying over the top of the scooter and into the puddle. I started screaming and crying, not because I was hurt but because I got dirty and mom was gonna kill me. She came running out of the house thinking I had broken a bone or something. She grabs the bottom of my dress and rips it off my head smearing the mud all over my face. I was covered from head to toe except for two little lines of tears running down my face washing off all that mud. I explained how sorry I was and that I wasnt hurt and my mom and aunt just bust out laughing. I dont think we ever made it to the playdate though, I had to go home and take a bath.

    My sister in law did something more on the lines of what your girls did. She got out of her bed in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. She found her moms maxi pads and stuck them all over the walls then crawled under the bathroom sink and went to sleep. She wasnt found until the next morning, and if I remember correctly they had already called the cops looking for her.

  • ginger

    that srory had me laughing so hard! thanks for the laughs, i have a funny one that i’m sure will have some laughing, some shaking their heads and others just wondering….i have two boys and twin girls who will be 2 at the end of November it’s potty training time in our house and one day one of the girls were going potty and her brother who is 3 walked in, with concern on his face he looked at his sister and then at me and said, “where’s her peepee (sorry no other way to put it) with out missing a beat i said, “She broke it off” he almost started crying! but now i don’t have to tell him not to play with himself, he has this fear that his will fall off too!! oh the stories to tell him when he gets older!! :0)

  • Anna

    LOVE that story, mine isn’t at good but here it goes:

    I was bathing my then 3 year old and her 7 month old baby brother. He liked (still likes) to play with his penis in the bath a lot. She looked at him, then me, and in a very serious, frustrated tone says “I want one too! Thats not fair!” pointing to it. So, then we had to get into that God made boys different than girls and that I could do nothing about this. She thought it was pretty unfair to not have a permanent “play thing” attached to her! HA!

  • jamie

    Too funny! I just love reading your blog…almost daily, in between doing laundry which never seems to be done, playing with my little one whom almost always can out play me, and his nap time, I find a few minutes each week to sit back, relax, and usually cry as I completely indulge myself in your blog. Thanks for writing!

    Short story…so I used to babysit for a little boy, Jalen (4), and one day I decided that it would be nice to take him down to the musuem. He was usually a well behaved little guy and this day he still was nice and polite but just a little hyper. I said, “Jalen, I think you have ants in your pants.” About 15 minutes later, obviously after a very long thought process, I caught Jalen pulling down his pants saying, “I do, I do, Jamie, I do” As I walked over to him to pull his pants back up before his bottom half became the next exhibit at the musuem, I realize, he does after all have tiny ants in this pants….printed on his underwear! It was too funny and extremely hard to explain to a group of bystanders that seemed to be multiplying by the second. Anyways, he calmed down and we enjoyed the rest of out visit!

  • Dairmans

    I don’t know how you are ever going to read all of these!! I got through the first 200 and it took me about 1/2 hour, but I’ll share a short one anyway.

    My son has a cousin who is only two weeks younger than him (Sydney), and she is a HANDFUL!! We often hear Syndey Anne…!! When he was about 2 years old he was mad at my husband for something and he yelled “Daddy Anne!!!” I guess he just thought you added Anne to whoever’s name you were mad at. =)

  • krista

    Oh dear heavens! That is priceless! So I have one for you. My daughter, Mia, was about 3 years old, and I had to do the public bathroom thing with her, we go into the restroom, meanwhile I’m just trying to get my “business” done and over, while desperately trying to keep my princess from touching ANYTHING. As loud as she could she announces (as she’s reaching to touch), “Mommy, why would they have a movie return slot in the potty.” Of course she was referring to the feminine product disposal, I’ve never looked at those the same way again. :)

  • Stacey

    Just think they could have colored them too!.

    My 5 yr old son is quite the exhibitionist (the naked kind). He is always laughing at his body. Well a couple of weeks ago he asked for the empty toilet paper roll, which both of my children occasionally do for crafting purposes. I gladly gave it to him wondering what kind of craft would he make this time. Next thing I know he is standing in front of me naked with the toilet paper roll over his private parts dancing around saying look what I can do with the toilet paper roll. Good thing I didn’t have any company. laughed and laughed.

  • Mariah

    Thanks Ang – you made my sinus headache go away for a few moments!!!

    Juliane (6) was out with her daddy a few months ago and of course she had to go potty…my children have a way of familiarizing themselves with every public restroom we come across. So Amos sent her in and stood watch over the empty restroom. So when she came out, Amos asked “Hey, did you wash your hands?” to which Juliane responded completely irritated…”Yeah! But can you believe they wanted 25 cents for a napkin?! I didn’t have any so I just wiped my hands on my pants”…

    See you in October!

    Mariah

  • "Chone"

    Oh, my goodness, that was so funny!!! Thanks for the laugh!

    My story begins when my son was 4 and my daughter was 2. My son, being the boy that he is, loved playing pirates. He’d bring his little sister along with him wherever their adventure would take them. One day, they decided to go on a treasure hunt. They come running to me showing me all the “treasures” they’d fine. They’d bring their toys and what-nots. All of a sudden I hear silence. As a mom, you know, when you hear silence, something is going on. So I walk into the room and I see my son drawing on his sister’s cheek. When I get closer, I realized he’s drawing a huge X on her face. Here’s our conversation:

    Me: What are you doing?!

    Son: Playing treasure hunt, Mommy.

    Me: But why are you drawing on your sister’s face?

    Son: Because Mommy, she’s my treasure.

    Me: Ahh, that’s sweet. But, wait a miniute…

    Yes ladies, he drew and X on her face with a PERMANENT MARKER?! So for a few days, she went around with a giant X on her face. :) Oh well, at least it washed off, eventually.

    ~Chona

  • Vintagesquirrel

    Glad to hear everything worked out for you on Friday. I wish I could have been there.

    I, too, have a kid story to share:

    My brother-in-law had taken his son and his friend (both about 6 years old) to the beach one hot summer day. When the boy’s had to use the (rather nasty) public beach bathroom, my brother-in-law went in with them.

    He instucted them not to touch the toilets or anything at all. He stood just outside the stalls they were using, when one door drifted open to reveal the back of the young friend using the toliet, while holding the seat up using his mouth! He said he thought he wasn’t supposed to touch the toilet, so he just used his lips.

    Michelle (vintagesquirrel)
    bailey4236@verizon.net

  • Mrs. Pagett

    My kids like the tampons over pads, my 6 year old son says “but mom, they are cool”. If only he knew!
    My WONDERFUL moment began with helping my 3 year old daughter on the toilet. Then there was a knock on the door, it was the Schwan’s man, so I begin to quickly look through the book to order some vegitables or icecream (love their icecream) when I hear from the other room, “MOM…I’M DONE” and I say ok honey I’ll be right there, but then she gets louder with, “I POOPED AND I’M DONE, MOM….PLEASE WIPE MY BUTT…”. Needless to say I was extremely embarassed, sent the man out for a large chocolate of something, and helped my sweet little girl of the potty!
    Thank you for sharing your special moments, you always know just what to say (type).

  • glw0605

    I don’t think this will make your top 10, but it was funny: I went to Olive Garden with my sister the other day and of course brought along my 2 girls…one is 2 and the other is 4 months. I am in the process of potty training my 2 year old so I have to be ready to drop everything should she say she has to go. Well, right as dinner was being served she starts to yell repeatedly at the top of her little lungs, “Poop! Mommy, Poop!” As I turn 5 shades of red, I ask her very quietly, “Honey, do you have to poop?” And her response, “Okay.” So, as I pick her up and go to the bathroom she starts to yell again, “Poop, Mommy, Poop!!” So off we run to the bathroom and I get her to sit on the potty and all she did was pass gas!

  • fmattso

    I was on the Pastoral search commitee for our new Youth Pastor and we had found someone we thought was the perfect fit. We had him and his wife over at our house and had a BBQ in the back yard with some of our youth and the rest of the committee. After the kids left we went inside to talk some more before they left for the evening. I had done the whole clean and make it look awesome routine as well including changing around the living room. My 3 year old little princess had been outside with the youth group all day so hadn’t noticed that I changed around the family room she came in the house stood in front of the youth pastor and his wife and said “What the @#$%!!!!! I nearly died! I asked her where she heard such a thing and she said grandpa (my dad) says it all the time. It was so embarrassing I wanted to die. Everyone else was cracking up!

  • Gilmore Girls

    Angie,
    I’m a single mom to “virtual twins” from China. Shortly after I got my second, I was attempting to clean the house. After awhile, I realized that it was quiet. Much too quiet. As I headed down the hallway, I saw that the bathroom door had been closed. I opened it up to see … my two year olds – Katie and Maggie – washing each other’s hair in the toilet! If only I had thought to grab a camera in the moment.
    God bless,
    Michele

  • Jodi

    Ahhh. Kids. Gotta love them!!

    My soon-to-be hubby, sister, brother, dad, step-mom, and 2 year old nephew were having dinner together one evening at my parents’ house. Just as we sat down to begin the meal, my nephew Luke announced, “I say bad words sometimes.” Everything went silent. My sister’s face turned the deepest shade of red I’ve ever seen, as she stared Luke down with her eyes, both pleading and silently threatening him. The only words that managed to escape out of her mouth were, “Please don’t.” Luke went back to eating his green beans. Just as he was about to take a bite, he said, “Like SHIT.”

    I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard in my life!! To top it off, my parents are super religious, and I’ve never heard them cuss. The worst I’ve heard from my step-mom is “shoot a monkey in the butt.” Needless to say, my sister was mortified.

  • Sara

    I love a good contest. :) Here are two stories you might enjoy if you’re looking for a giggle:

    http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2008/08/control-your-control-center.html

    http://gitzengirl.blogspot.com/2008/06/your-hair-is-pretty.html

    Both of those stories are why sometimes it’s great to be the aunt and not the mom. :)

  • Marilena

    That was a great story! I’ve had a few embarrasing moments with my Michaela and her finding tampons in my purse and showing them off to everyone in the grocery store or in church…
    Here’s a soon to be embarrasing moment for you.
    Just the other night our 5 year old came up to us and said “Remember when you and daddy were in the bathtub with bubbles and a drink and daddy said go back to bed sweetie, we’re having family time” We just about spit out the tea we were drinking because we thought she had forgotten about that. It was over a year ago and she had been sleeping for a few hours when she walked in on us. We thought for sure she would think it was a dream. Well, apparently she didn’t! We were laughing so hard and we just kept on saying “Oh honey, you must have been dreaming! and she would insist that she wasn’t. We’re just bracing ourselves for when she blurts it out at some church potluck. Lord help us!

  • shoutingforha

    That story is so funny! I couldn’t stop laughing.

    In keeping with the bathroom humor theme, here is a funny story about my boy.

    I have a 7 1/2 year old boy. My 2 1/2 year old niece from Colorado came to stay with us for 3 weeks in January while her parents were in South Africa. It was so much fun!

    Anyways, every night after my niece would have her bath, she would race naked through the house like all little people do. This went on for two weeks.

    During the third week, my niece went racing around once again. As she streaked by, my boy turned to me and said, “So what’s with the mini butt?”

    I couldn’t quite comprehend what he was talking about so I asked him to repeat himself. He again asked, “What’s with the mini butt?”

    It was at that moment that I realized that he was talking about my niece’s private parts. Being an only child, and a boy, he had never seen little girl parts. They did look strangely like a tiny bottom. Leave it to my boy to point out the obvious.

    I immediately started laughing. Once I regained my composure we had our very first “talk” about the differences between boys and girls.

  • Marilena

    Oh! I have another one! I was in the grocery store with my kids and my son was walking next to the cart. As I was busy picking out veggies he says “Mommy! look at me!” Apparently he put an action figure in his pocket and he figured out how to get it to stick straight out in the front of his pants and he had been walking around like that for a few minutes! I was about to bust out laughing but I just calmly said “honey, don’t do that please. Keep your GI Joe down…”

  • Donna Lyn

    First off I am so glad you survived!! I’m sorry about the anxity attacks, I have been there. (I emailed you once about mine)…Any way to the funny story. This one intails my aunt who is no longer alive, but while she was only liked to have he false teeth in only when she ate. So it was not uncommon for us to see her reach into her bra, pull out her teeth and go to “eaten”. Now as small kids the first time we saw this, I think we were all pretty shocked when we first saw this “miricle” of Aunt E… pulling teeth out of her shirt, but we became use to the ritual rather quick. I remember one day in particual when we heard a “yelp” coming from the kitchen. (By this time I was in my teens) When we went in to see what the problem was, the statement we heard has us on the floor. It seems that Aunt E. had “bitten” her self with her teeth NOT yet in her mouth. Yes, you heard right. From then on out she used two different “pockets” (aka bra cups) to keep her top set and her bottom set separate; this way she only “bit” what SHE wanted to “bite”
    I hope I made you smile just a little. This will be my first post, but I have read everyone of yours. I hope you realize the AWESOME impact you have on the people who read your blog. You have made me laugh, cry and feel like we are sitting face to face instead of me reading words on a screen. THANK-YOU so much for this blog. Donna

  • Gabrielle

    I’m sure there are more embarassing moments that I’m not recalling at the moment (must be blocking them due to the trauma of the humiliation).

    I had my share of embarassment during the potty training days when my daughter would announce to anyone and everyone (like at the top of her lungs on the way back to our table in restaurants) that she “went poopy”.

    But the story that comes to mind tonight is when she was first learning that baby teeth eventually fall out…we were in the local supermarket putting our groceries on the checkout conveyor when my little princess announced, “look…she’s lost her tooth.” Thinking that there must be a toothless child there, I just kept unloading the shopping cart. She persisted in telling me so I stopped and looked up. There was no toothless child, just my daughter pointing at the grocery store cashier with a big gap between her front teeth. Hoping that the cashier had not heard, I tried to hush my little sweetie. Instead she thought I was ignoring her or not hearing so she kept pointing and repeating even louder…look mommy…she’s lost her tooth! One of those days when you can’t grab the groceries and push the cart out fast enough!

  • Momma Dot

    You are quite the inspiration to me and many other. I recently found your website and have been blessed by your journey. I have found myself crying and laughing through your words. Relating to many of your stories and also remembering the sad experiences of my own. (i.e – the excitement of going in for an ultrasound… only to find no little blinking light on the monitor at 10 weeks).

    I also LOVED your blog entry of BLINK – I have a minor in photography and take LOTS of photos and in my mind I also "capture moments" and remember snipets of my LIFE… both significant and the small moments in between. MY FAVORITE BLINK is still the day the doors opened on my wedding day and the feeling of love overwhelmed me as I saw MY HUSBAND standing in a ray of beautiful light (as if GOD was shining his LOVE and blessing our union) with all our family & friends in ONE ROOM – holding the arm of my daddy… ready to get married! That BLINK was my focal point when giving birth to all my 4 kids… really – it's my calming and happiest moment. After 13 years… I can still close my eyes and feel & remember that day. The love is different now… BETTER – seeing my husband as a daddy of our 4 kids! He amazes me! Truly feel blessed for how GOD brought our lives together!

    So… I laughed hard and related to your MAXI party story! Why is it we get so wrapped up and too busy when our sweet kids try hard to capture our attentions… even just for a moment. There are nights when I lay silently in bed and wonder… 'WAS I THE BEST MOMMY THAT I COULD BE TODAY? DID I HEAR MY KIDS? DID THEY HEAR ME? WAS I TOO BUSY?' Sadly, I sometimes recall the day and remember moments that I may have missed because of the mundane of getting through the day… dishes – laundry – LIFE.

    We are a NAVY family currently living in GUAM… just arrived here about a month ago. As I type you I look at the clutter around me and the boxes still yet to unpack. And it's a slow process because LIFE happens and my sweet babies don't realize that things have to get done. They could care less that we're living out of boxes… all they care is "DO I HAVE MOMMY'S ATTENTION? IS SHE LISTENING TO ME?" I love that they make me want to stop and enjoy THE MOMENTS.

    I am blessed with 2 boys – Morgan (10), Ryan (9) & 2 girls – Daniella (7) & my baby Mia (18 months).

    As you can imagine I have a lot of GIGGLE moments. One that comes to my mind is when Morgan was only about 3 years old. His favorite book for the LONGEST time was every version of THE 3 LITTLE PIGS. We're a very animated and loud family… it must be a filipino thing. Sometimes I wish I had a remote control to regulate the VOLUME in our house! But it sure makes life fun!

    Okay – back to the 3 Little Pigs. You know how the story goes. Wolf chases pig. Pigs run from wolf… with the dialogue in between. Imagine every night of this… MOMMY READ ME THE 3 LITTLE PIGS AGAIN!

    Fast forward… it's my birthday and we are out to eat at a Chinese restaurant… I'm out with friends & family – we're a BIG group, just enjoying our day. Enjoying adult conversations and stepping out of the mommy mode, if for only a moment.

    Morgan was always (and still is) a very good boy… the kind of kid that would sit still in his highchair and entertain himself. He was a thumb-sucker, too – a self soother – so even at night time he rarely cried. He was quiet. He tricked me really – I thought, "WOW, this mommy thing is pretty easy – I can do this! Let's have another baby honey!" Yes, this was my conversation with MY MAN when Morgan was only 4 months old! Then we had my Ryan… born 3 months premature in the NICU for 7 weeks in Bethesda. The life of the party… the spice in OUR family (probably very similar to your Kate’s spirit).

    Back to Morgan – as we sat in the restaurant, in the background I could hear Morgan saying, “NO NO NO”. Half there I would turn to him and wonder what he was doing or saying “No” three times to. He seemed fine to me every time I saw him. He continued doing this and I just couldn’t figure out why he kept saying, “NO NO NO” and pointing his finger! Being the multi-tasker – caring & entertaining my kids, ordering off the menu and holding adult conversation is an art to master. Especially the apparence of “all is fine”. Making parenting and going out look easy. HA!

    Still unsure of why he was repeating 3 no’s… a waiter came over and asked if I wanted more water. I nodded yes and picked up my glass to hand to the man – just as I was doing this I hear Morgan scream just a bit louder, “NO NO NO” – ignoring his No’s for about the 5th time – I am now turning to look at the waiter with my glass in hand just in time to notice this HUGE mole on our waiters chin… with a few hairs coming out of it. Seriously, I had to bite my lip to refrain from the kind of “I might spit in your face laughter”. In that moment of maybe 2 seconds… I realized that every time Morgan saw our waiter he would say, “NO NO NO” and in his mind finish the line – NOT BY THE HAIRS ON MY CHINNY CHIN CHIN! Thankfully he didn’t repeat the entire sentence – that would’ve been so embarassing! We all laughed so hard and it just added to the FUN of that day!

    I’m not sure what it is about MOLES and my kids – but just recently our little Mia (who is 18 months) had a MOLE moment. Every time Mia would see something drop she would say, “uh-oh”. It was one of her first words. “UH OH”. Well, my husband went to pick up some food at a restaurant and took Mia with him. As he was paying the cashier, Mia points and say’s “UH OH”… apparently she had a huge mole on her face… thankfully distraction works – because my hubby said, “blow kisses to the nice lady” and she did. Oooohh THE MOMENTS IN TIME that make this life worth living. The laughter… the crying… the moments in between!

    Thank you for your blog site and for being an inspiration to me. I've only been reading about your beautiful family for 3 days and feel blessed to have found you online! THANK YOU FOR YOU!

    DOT
    http://daledot4kids.blogspot.com/

  • Cara

    Um, probably not a first for anyone, but my youngest and I are food shopping together, just the two of us and we are lallygagging through the isles. She’s “listing” items we need in her totally adorable way with competely run-on syntax, “Mummy, if we buy ushrooms then we buy watermelon and if we buy watermelon we need pasgagetti and…” And we’re chatting and chatting all the way to the checkout.

    Now, I must say that I hadn’t been shopping in a while and the cart was pretty full. Halfway through unloading I’m vaguely listening to her as she names each item, “sugar, coffee, puffins, mommy cream (um – that’s deodorant ladies), eggs, pee, pee, PEE!”

    Finally my brain catches up with my auditory processing capabilites and I realize she’s no longer nameing grocery items. I look at her horrified, but feel stuck in that “crisis” moment when you should go left, but your feet are taking you right. Of course, I try the obvious yet stupid approach, “Can you hold it?”. Her response was a well coreographed pee-pee dance of award winning capability while making alternate high pitched noises for all to hear. (Great just what I need, more attention)

    There are people behind me in line with MUCH less than I have, and remember I’m half way through unloading my cart, so I try the question again but directed at the checkout lady – “Can you hold this…order I mean?” She glares at me.

    I did the only thing I could do…I scooped up my three year old and flipped her behind my back in a reverse basket hold and high-talied it for the back of the store…(why do they have to put the bathroom in the FAR BACK corner?)

    End of story, we made it(mostly there was a small smudge of pee on the florr) I was horrified and the people behind me were not happy, especially when I wrote a check.

  • Jennifer Wiser

    This story is so hysterical. And makes me think of several funny stories…but one of the funniest and most embarrassing was when my precious daughter (now 7) was being potty trained at about 2 – and we were at Olive Garden on a very busy Friday night…(and the story begins to unfold…)

    We were standing waiting to be seated and there were several people sitting on the couches waiting as well. My sweet two-year old daughter who was trying to tell me ever so kindly and patiently that she really needed to use the bathroom – decided to take matters into her own hands. I was busy in the midst of a “very important” :-) conversation (which just goes to show, I should have been more in tune with what was going on with my daughter) as I kept shushing her and telling her just one more minute….

    Lo and behold – she just couldn’t wait one more minute and so she said, (in a not so quiet voice now)…MOMMM… I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM…as I turned to look at her, I also heard a lot of quiet sneering and laughing behind us on the couches, and once again, I was prepared to tell her to just wait wait a moment (as if she hadn’t waited enough for two year old by now) – I caught a glimpse of what everyone else had already seen and was the cause of their laughter…

    there stood my well-behaved, sweet, pretty daughter, with her jeans and underwear pulled down to her ankles and squatting “in position” ready to go to the bathroom right on the lobby floor of the Olive Garden.

    I thought I would die, and then we all just joined in on the laughter, and decided like you…what else can you do? sometimes, us adults just ask for what we get.

    Enjoy these funny stories….kids really can brighten our days in the most unusual ways.

  • Katie

    I am not sure how you can have me crying one minute and laughing ’til I almost pee the next, but you have a gift!

    Earlier today I couldn’t think of any embarrassing stories (well, not involving my kids–I tend to do it to myself!). However, tonight my almost 4 year old delivered the pride-bursting moment in Kohl’s. We had just spent an excruciating amount of time in the shoe department with me trying to keep my 20 month old daughter from pulling every box off the shelf while my son just had to find a pair to try on (because as he says, “I want as many shoes as you”–ha, good luck on that one!). Anyway, we finally leave the shoe department (yes, with a new pair for him) and are making our way to the register to pay, but of course we have to pass all the tempting displays. . .he sees a watch that he just can’t live without. So I suggest we put it on his birthday and Christmas list, but that doesn’t really appease him much. He is whining and almost crying because I won’t buy the watch, so being the logical mommy I am I try to explain that we can’t buy everything all the time. This of course is followed by, “Why?”–my brilliant answer this time is we don’t have enough money to buy everything we want. This has the exact opposite effect that I am going for, he starts crying and loudly says, “Why don’t we have enough money?” just as we are reaching the cash register. . .

    Since I has just read your post, I had more insight than usual, but it was still a moment to check my pride!

  • Rose

    So glad to hear your presentation went well! Apparently better than your dinner party (snort!) Your story was so cute and hilarious. Thank you for the laugh! Nothing like kids to put us right in our place!

    My goodness, I have so many humiliation stories I wouldn’t know which one to pick! Seriously! When my now 10 year old was about 15 months, he got into my cake decorating kit and opened the blue food coloring jar, and smeared it all over his face and the floor. My mommy radar was not working so well that day but I did notice that it seemed “too quiet” and went to check on him to find a Smurf sitting in my kitchen. First, I had the presence of mind to take a picture (and this, in ’97, WAY before blogs!) and then I brought him in the bathroom to wash him off–only the blue dye wasn’t coming off! His face (and his hands!) were blue for days after that. I don’t even want to know what people were thinking!

  • Sarah

    That’s pretty funny. At least your humiliation was ‘contained’. Mine happened at church one Wednesday evening when my oldest daughter was about 3. My husband is a pastor and so at the time we were at a church of about 80 people and I was, of course, THE pianist. So my daughter would sit with “Miss Betty” while I played the piano. We were sitting up front with “Miss Betty” before the service started, and for some reason, it was unusually quite in the sanctuary. My Emily turned to “Miss Betty” and said (loudly). “Mama has a hole in her panties.” I wanted to die! She had seen me getting ready for church, and in putting on my PANTY HOSE, noticed there was a large hole in the upper thigh area, but my dress covered it, so I wore them anyway. So….. I turned to “Miss Betty” and said (in a ‘discreet, but LOUD whisper’) She means I have a hole in my panty hose! Somehow, though, I still felt incredibly embarrassed! Unfortunately, that was not her first, or her last moment of humiliating her mama!
    Sarah – http://sarah-cornersofmymind.blogspot.com/

  • Susan

    When I was nannying for a sweet little boy name Jack, and it was Easter he was obsessed with the Easter story. He really got into the part of Jesus coming back on Easter day. So, as we were in church on Easter and the organist started playing..he broke away from us and ran up to the man and said..”Are you Jesus? You’ve risen indeed?”
    Too sweet and cute!
    Susan Simpson

  • The Beynon Family

    This story was hilarious! Kids always say the funniest things. I have 20 month old twin girls and had a funny one happen to us the other day during their afternoon nap.

    At 20 months, Drew and I have been really blessed that the girls, up until last week have taken two naps a day. It has been a little difficult transitioning them, but we are finally getting the hang of it. until today…..a subject came up that I never imagined having to address. I put the girls down for their nap in the afternoon and about 20 minutes into it, I heard Preslee screaming hysterically. usually, I let them cry it out for a few minutes if they wake up, but she just didn’t stop and it got progressively more worrisome. So, I went into the nursery to find her standing up in her crib, sobbing, with huge tears rolling down her face. Mason was sound asleep in her crib. I said, “Preslee, what’s the matter?” She, with a perfectly innocent face said, “Mae-Mae (that’s what she calls Mason) poo-poo’d, she stinky! I did a double take and said, what? She repeated herself.

    What do I do now? Do I wake Mason and change her or let Preslee get up only 30 minutes into naptime? To be honest, Preslee was right, it did stink. Luckily Mason heard us talking and woke up. I changed her and they laid right back down, sound asleep in 10 minutes.

    I always envisioned the girls wanting to share a room for many years to come. Will this be the issue that will separate them?

  • Tara

    Thanks for the laugh.

    Just today my family buried my Grandmother. She was a Christian and lived a very full and beautiful life but there are always tears when saying good-bye to a loved one.

    On Saturday evening we had the first viewing and our two and a half year old son went running into the room before my husband and I. I didn’t think much of it until I went into the room and found him sitting on my brother Tim’s lap. Tim had tears streaming down his cheeks but he was smiling. I went over and gave him a hug and we walked over to my Grandmother to pay our respects. We are all in tears and Tyrus is just looking at all of us not quite sure what to think of all of this. Tim then begins telling me the cutest story. When Tyrus came in he saw Grandma and ask Tim what she was doing so he began to explain.

    Do you pray to Jesus?

    Yes.

    Do you sing songs to Jesus at church?

    Yes.

    Well, Grandma is with Jesus now.

    Where is His car?

    These are the tender moments of childhood that should never be forgotten.

  • Mark & Abbie's Blog (mostly Abbie's)

    So, I was expecting baby number four and trying desparately to pinch pennies and save. But I was also in need of some clothes that would fit and not look frumpy and be cool for the summer. I loaded the kids up and headed to our neighborhood thrift store in search of some lightweight skirts. As I grab a few clothes, I load all three kids (four and under) into the extremely tiny dressing room to try them on.

    My second born, Ace, who was 2 1/2 at the time, decided to announce extremely loudly (the dressing rooms are in the middle of the store in good earshot of everyone), “Woa! Mommy you have a weally big tummy.”

    I quietly reminded him that it was because his baby brother was in there. Then he decided to announce in a really big voice, “Mommy, you’re naked shiney hiney.”

    Through gritted teeth I informed him that it was because I was trying on clothes and “nicely” asked him to use his quiet voice.

    I did have to giggle but did not make eye contact with other people in the store!

  • Mark & Abbie's Blog (mostly Abbie's)

    So, I was expecting baby number four and trying desparately to pinch pennies and save. But I was also in need of some clothes that would fit and not look frumpy and be cool for the summer. I loaded the kids up and headed to our neighborhood thrift store in search of some lightweight skirts. As I grab a few clothes, I load all three kids (four and under) into the extremely tiny dressing room to try them on.

    My second born, Ace, who was 2 1/2 at the time, decided to announce extremely loudly (the dressing rooms are in the middle of the store in good earshot of everyone), “Woa! Mommy you have a weally big tummy.”

    I quietly reminded him that it was because his baby brother was in there. Then he decided to announce in a really big voice, “Mommy, you’re naked shiney hiney.”

    Through gritted teeth I informed him that it was because I was trying on clothes and “nicely” asked him to use his quiet voice.

    I did have to giggle but did not make eye contact with other people in the store!

  • handbags*n*pigtails

    One day my 4 year old daughter(whod recently begun asking 20 questions a day) was eating breakfast when she asked me “mommy, when I was a baby was I in your belly?” (Um, yes honey you were). “well mommy…did I eat while I was in there?” (Yes honey you did). “well, mommy how did I come out? (Oh Lord Jesus come quickly Im thinking) I replied “well, when its time for a baby to be born it comes out the mommys bottom. Now I know that sounds gross but thats how it happens and the doctor catches the baby. I also added “honey, I want you to know its always OK to ask mommy questions like that but we dont talk about it in public OK?” (Ok mommy). Not 2 minutes later out comes the BIG ONE: mommy,you said I ate while I was in your belly right?” (Yes, honey thats right) Well, how does that work? Does the doctor shove the food UP the mommys butt to feed the baby?”
    Im telling you what: I almost fell on the floor with that one!!!!

  • Michelle

    My father-in-law had open heart surgery this summer. We had some of our good friends keep our twin 5five year old girls while we were at the hospital for three days. Let me preface this by saying that Emma has issues with her “r” sound. It is the typical problem with the “r” sound that many children her age have. Instead of the car saying “rrrr”, it says “ourrrr”. This detail is very important…let me also say that my family does not use profanity. Anyway, our friends have four children of their own, ranging from age 8-16. They were all sitting at the dinner table the last evening of the girls’ stay with them. Our friend made a great meal, complete with an apple salad. Did I mention she did not peel the apples?….yes, another important piece of the puzzle. My Emma was attempting to eat her yummy salad, but who can stab an apple with a spoon? She declared to the entire table that she was going to use her “fork and spoon”, only in came out “**$#! “n” spoon. Needless to say, the entire table of older children and parents had to bite their tongues and continue dinner witout drawing attention to the oblivious Emma. I think I turned four shades of red as the story was shared with me. PS…we are working on our “r” sounds!

  • Kristen

    I love your blog. You are such a fun loving woman.

    My funny story…….

    When my son was 3 I took him to the bathroom at the grocery store. Very nice bathroom actually. He kept asking where the “urdinals” were…I told him that mommys don’t use urinals….over and over. As he is asking me all these questions about urdinals and what it means to be a big boy,how someday I will be big enough to reach the urdianl all the woman in the other stalls were quietly giggling.

  • Amy’s Blah, Blah, Blogging

    Oh my gosh, that was a laugh out loud story I tell you. The funny part was I actually did laugh out loud and my husband thought I was laughing at the Obama commercial on tv. Yep, sounds about right…funny!

  • Kristin

    Angie,
    I am so glad that everything went well on Friday! Was the talk taped? I would love to have a copy so that I could hear it!!

    I have a funny story to share about my son and my sister.

    One Sunday evening my sister and 4 yr old son Gabriel went for a walk. They had been gone for quite awhile when I see them walking very quickly down the sidewalk towards our house. Beth is laughing and has tears coming out of her eyes. Gabriel is running up the deck to our door and has his pants halfway down his legs, waddling to get inside.

    I have to know what is going on so she tells me….they had walked up to the school, which is about 4-5 blocks from our home. They played on the playground equipment and she pushed him on the swings. He told her that she was “the best one ever” and “his best friend”. :) :) Then all of a sudden he gets off the swing and says “I think I will go to the daycare -(which is right next door to the school) and go to the bathroom”.

    Beth tells him that because it is Sunday the daycare is closed and they can’t go in – he is sure that she is wrong that it is Wednesday. But she assures him it is Sunday and they will have to walk home to use the bathroom.

    As they start to walk home he tells her “Beth, I think I am going to poop myself”!!! Needless to say Beth started walking MUCH faster. She knew it was a ways to go and she was praying that he wouldn’t poop his pants in the middle of the journey. :) (She doesn’t have kids yet…I think it freaked her out a bit)

    So she was laughing at Gabriel and he told her that she should stop being silly, and she said Gabriel you are the one being silly. And he answers “Why? because I said I am going to poop myself?” Things with Gabriel have always been pretty matter-of-fact.

    Thankfully – he made it home in time and did not have an accident. We praised him for that! :) And Beth and I laughed so hard we both cried while he was inside.

    Thanks for your post Angie – it was great!
    Hugs, Kristin

  • kellyb

    Loved the story…too funny and so true! Amazing what are little children, true gifts from God, can come up. Here is one of my many kid stories: I had just dropped my two older kids off at school and was home enjoying a few moments of peace and quite. My precious son Everett (who was 3 at the time) came in holding a half-full Sprite bottle. He handed it to me and said "Here mommy, feel how warm my pee pee is." He was so proud & I about fell over!! I love reading your blog and appreciate knowing I'm not alone in the trenches of motherhood!

  • Catherine Smith

    My 2 1/2 year old and I were in the church bathroom in between Sunday School and church services and she tee-tees and I say the usual, “you need mommy to wipe for you?” Then it’s my turn, I tee-tee and she says in her usual not so quite voice, “Mommy you want me to wipe for you this time?” All the ladies start laughing who hear us. No, my daughter has NEVER wiped for me even when I could have used some help being as pregnant and huge as I have been before.

  • kim

    I think Nathan was 4, he asked: “Mommy, if Jesus is in my heart, when I drink water does He get all wet?”
    Okay, it’s not a fall down and roll but it is hard to hold back the smiles and chuckles from those serious questions! : )

  • Anne

    Angie! Too funny, that is the best story! Aren’t kids awesome? Congrats as well on your speaking engagement, I’m so glad things went well for you. My story is pretty recent, with my 3 year old, Emily. Sorry to be lazy, but I just cut and pasted it from my blog!!! :) Take care, Anne Fulling

    I have to share this so I don’t forget it. I’ve already told the story to several people, but since these days I forget to simply put underwear on in the morning (this is an exaggeration…I promise), I thought I better share it on the blog, it’s a priceless and probably very common toddler story.

    We..meaning Emily, Addison, and myself…were recently in a public restroom with several stalls. You probably know where I’m going with this one…

    Anyway, the bathroom was crowded, all the stalls were being used, and we had to wait in line for a short time. When we finally got into our stall, Emily was sitting on the potty, and proceeds to inform me very matter of factly AND loudly that “this bathroom is stinky, mommy!”

    After deciding that this statement could have definitely been worse, I quietly replied with, “well, honey, it’s a bathroom, sometimes that happens”. I’m now trying to hurry things along, because there are still ALOT of people in the bathroom, both on either side of us, and more still waiting in line. Actually, I was hurrying things along because I had the sinking feeling that our conversation about the odor in the bathroom was not over by any means…I was right.

    Get ready for it…

    “Mommy, I think someone is going poo poo.”

    …there are just no words…

  • movingthroughlife

    I think one of my favorite stories still comes at the expense of your twins Ang.
    The night we all went out to eat and the three of them (Emma and the twins) we outside playing. In my daughters eyes the only thing that was different about your girls was the bows in their hair.
    Part way through their fun, I believe it was Abby who got hurt.
    My daughter trying to explain to you and Todd who was hurt quickly offered, It was the pink one.

    To this day, love it and I always think of the twins as the Pink one and Blue one.

  • Meredith

    Okay, I’m up for a challenge! My 3 year old daughter has left us embarassed a number of times, but this is what sticks out in my memory….. We were entering a sub shop to get some lunch as a family and there was a man, sitting silently eating his lunch alone, ….wearing an eye patch! My daughter noticed him before my husband or I did and shouted out, while pointing, “He’s a PIRATE!!!” Yeah, that just about made me want to buy a wig to wear EVERYWHERE!!!! Kids truly do say the darndest things!!! :)
    ~Meredith

  • Que

    Hi! I’ve never posted to anyone’s blog before so here goes!
    When my son was 6 years old, he went to bed at six. My husband and I went to bed much later! One evening, after said son was asleep for a few hours, my husband and I went to bed! We were in the throes of being husband and wife, when I thought I heard a noise. My husband didn’t react so I just figured my mommy super sense was over acting! Much to my horror just at the end of our throes, my little son, pops his head up from the side of the bed and excitedly asks, “Whatja doin?”!!!! Without skipping a beat my husband replied, “We’re jumping on the bed!” Little son, says, “OH GOODY, can I jump to?!!!! Husband says “SURE, and the two of them promptly started jumping on the bed! Now and again, this son, who is now 8, reminds mommy and daddy to not forget to jump on the bed tonight! As if my husband needs to be reminded!!!

  • baseballtraveler

    First of all, that is hilarious! You have such a way with words.

    My funniest story involves my 3 year old son. He is fully potty trained and loves to visit every public restroom while we are out. We were at Target and the family restroom was occupied and so was the handicapped one, so I had to lug him into one of the stalls. It was a busy day at Target, so there were many women in there, of course. He just had to tee tee, but I also had to go. As I assume the squat position, he repeatedly says in his loudest voice, “Mom, do you have to poo poo or tee tee?” As I remind him to whisper, I whisper to him that I just needed to tee tee. He then says in his very loudest whisper, “Mom, that wady is pooping cuz it stinks in here.” I hear a few giggles from some of the ladies, who I’m sure were moms, and I just couldn’t get out of there fast enough. As I am trying to wipe and flush, he goes into a disortation on how he gets to stand because he has a “peepers” and I have to sit because I don’t. By this time, the giggles are laughs, and I just want to hide in the stall until it is all clear. I’m sure the “wady that pooped” wanted to do the same. We hurried up and washed up and headed back out into Target. Good times, good times.

  • Katherine Page

    I don’t really because I don’t have kids. Does this count as a comment. Seriously though, it has been tough lately and I take life way to serious. You make me smile. Reading this actually turned my frown into a smile. Thank you!!!!

    I’m not sure who can beat this one. And I SO want to meet your girls! They are my heros. :0)

  • Tara

    I already left a comment but I just remembered a story.

    My family has gone crazy over the neti pot.(if you don’t know what it is you should google it)My husband and I use it every day during allergy season and our two and a half year old, Tyrus, watch us all the time, he even tries to use it.

    One day I was surfing the web and came across a story of a woman who discovered the miracle of neti pots and was telling a story of how her daughter took it to use it for a tea party(it looks like a tea pot.) The very next day we went to our nieces second birthday where she received a tea set. Tyrus took one look at the tea pot and shoved the thing in his nose.

  • Michelle

    My story is not nearly as funny as yours, but just as humbling…

    My 3 year old daughter, Allegiance, and I were driving to Target (not to get pirate panties!) together one day and talking like we often do.

    Allegiance says, “Mommy, who is going to eat with us tonight?” I tell her just our family. Then she asks “Who is our family?” I explain to her that our family consists of Daddy, Mommy, Big Sis, and herself. She tells me I am forgetting someone. To which I answer, “Oh, yeah, and the dog, Liberty.”

    Allegiance says to that “No, Mommy, I was talking about Uncle Jesus!”

    Ever since she has been calling Jesus Uncle Jesus. Not really sure what that is about, but hey – if God can be Our Father… :-)

  • GriffinSisters

    Ok, I’ve stumbled upon your website through a family blog that I check and I find myself checking your everytime for new updates. I seem to be facinated with your stories, scriptures, and just words about life in general. I am married to a wonderful man who has made me a mother to a handsome almost 2 year old and I’m 13 weeks along. Although my son hasn’t created any of “those” stories yet, I have a funny one. . .
    Growing up my boy (yes, his sex matters) cousin lived next door to us and he was 2 years younger than myself. One day he fell off his bike and his world was going to end because he got a headache so off he went inside crying to his mother. We, as in the rest of our block, continued playing and about 10 minutes later here he came with a maxi pad stuck to his head!!! My sister (who is 4 years older), her friend, and myself all knew exactly what it was and we still laugh about it to this day. It brings tears to my eyes and makes me want to e-mail him and his wife to remenise!!!
    Thank you for being such a strong and gifted sister in Christ!
    God Bless,
    Shavonne

  • heather

    I’ve had trouble posting lately, for some reason, so before I type out my funny kid story, let me see if this is even going to work.

  • Filippa

    Thanks for the post. Here’s my story: I am nursing my daughter when my son asks what I am doing. I tell him that this is how I give his sister milk. He looks puzzled and responds, ” does the other give juice?”

    Aaaah, out of the mouths of babes…

  • LJFredricks

    My story is actually caught on video. You can see it at http://www.fredricks.blogspot.com!

  • Stephanie

    oh

    my

    graciousness!

    I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

    I don't have kids, so no stories from mine, but my mom tells the story of how I had a fascination with my crib. Instead of climbing over the rails, I simply unscrewed the rails and swung them like doors. Later, to apparently protest the arrival of another sibling, I took the fresh, new bottle of desitin and used it like toothpaste on each rung and outline of my bed & the baby's crib. Mom says she was cleaning forever after that….

  • Cristi

    In first grade my oldest son dressed up for a book character day as Clifford the Big Red Dog. Complete with a tail, and the red face with a black nose. So cute, he won $10! A few years later when my 2nd son was in the first grade, he wore the same outfit for the same event at school. But when the time came to leave for school that morning, he adamently stated “I AM NOT WEARING THIS TO SCHOOL!” There was no way he was going to school in that costume. Even the suggestion of the possibility of winning the $10 did not talk him into it. Needless to say we were late to school that morning – not in costume.

  • Timeless and Treasured, Photography by Heather

    I absolutely LOVE your blog – you are a breath of fresh air!! Okay – here’s mine. It’s not exactly an embarrassing moment, just a typical day in mommy-hood. I know you will appreciate it!

    http://timelessandtreasured.blogspot.com/2008/07/one-of-those-days.html

  • Erin

    Here’s a funny story that happened to a friend of mine. She was in a public restroom with her daughter and there was a woman in the next stall going #2. The little girl said, “Mommy what is that awful smell?” My friend tried quieting her down and getting her out as fast as possible. She told her daughter the lady was going to the bathroom. Then the little girl yelled out to the woman, “Lady, I hope you’re okay in there because you stink.”

  • Amber

    That is hillarious! My story is a little twisted, but if you just picture my 3 year old doing this, you would crack up too. One morning when I was taking my son Luke to school, we were at a stop light and there was a homeless lady on the corner. (They are on every corner in Austin, so nothing new, even to Luke.) Well this morning, we happen to be the only car at the light and the lady is looking at Luke and smiling. Luke starts to play shy, but then he starts playing peek-a-boo with the lady. She is laughing, I was laughing, and Luke was laughing very hard! Well the lady looks at me and Luke weird all of the sudden. I look back at Luke and realize what he is playing peek-a-boo with. He is holding up a bag of pretzels in front of this homeless lady, with a sign that says hungry, and is playing peek-a-boo. Almost as if he is waving food in her face. I felt HORRIBLE, but at the same time, Luke was clueless and didn’t know better. It was VERY funny. I felt bad for the lady, but she kept smiling. I would have given her food or money, but I had nothing on me, and the pretzels were Luke’s breakfast…yes, we were in a hurry. Luke does funny stuff everyday!! He told our priest in church one day, to SHHHHH!!! because he was SCHLEEEEEPING!!!
    I love your blog!!

  • heather

    I think I’m too late for the contest, but I’ve “followed” you from the beginning and “hearing” you laugh again is worth posting this if it may make you laugh even more. I haven’t read a whole lot of other stories but I can only assume that there are ones about little boys and the “really neat tricks” they can do. This just happened a couple weeks ago. Here goes:

    We invited my husband’s boss over for dinner. They are talking in the living room while I am finishing up dinner and my 3 year old boy and 18 month old are playing “quietly” (that word alone should have had me wondering, but I was so concerned about getting dinner “right” that I didn’t go check on them) in the playroom. A little while later, my husband and his boss walk into the playroom to find my son like this: pants off, his “tee kee” (as he calls it) standing at, eh-hem, well you know (I’m trying to keep this as G rated as possible), with a plastic, pretend bagel hanging from it. He was standing with his hands on his hips, very VERY proud of what his tee kee could do. What else can you do in a situation like that but laugh!? OH! And my daughter was laughing and poking at it making it all the more “sturdy” from which the plastic bagel could hang. No, my husband’s boss has no kids.

    Ang, just be glad you don’t have boys– oh, the tricks they can do with their “tee kees”!

  • Phyliss

    “hanging “skinny” pictures in strategic places” ROFL!!!!

    Honestly Ange… it wouldn’t be FAIR if you aced public speaking with the brilliance of your writing… cuz girl… you are da bomb!!!

    loves, loves, loves to you..xo

  • Sam

    that story had me LOL! mine is pretty funny too…i have 2 boys (6 & 2). about a year ago, when my youngest was going through his biting stage, they were both in the tub. they call their "private part" their pepe's. well, the next thing i know, my youngest is trying to bite my oldest in the pepe. when i hear my wise, older child exclaim, "noah, i have one piece of advice for you: DON'T BITE MY PEPE!" i was rolling on the floor.

  • Timeless and Treasured, Photography by Heather

    Sorry – Here it is so you don’t have to go looking for it.

    Today was absolutely and totally “one of those days”. The kind where you wonder if you have ever actually done anything domestic, if you have ever been a wife, mother, or homemaker at all. Because today it seemed like it was my first day on the job! Believe it or not, I am in year SEVENTEEN of doing the whole “domestic” thing. Here is a list of things that I learned today:

    1. When you just get out of bed and stumble to the bathroom, always check before you sit down to see if the toddler in the house has pottied just before you have.

    2. You must always check behind the 13-year-old to make sure she has packed everything she needs for a day away from home, especially at a horse barn. Or just decide to let her reap the consequences of “not-thinking-things-through”. Which today I chose the latter. See #13.

    3. Never take a 2-year-old with you when you are selecting and scheduling a hardwood floor installation, because you will spend at least 50% of your time in the bathroom and leave the place not exactly sure what you ordered, what you paid for, or when it will be installed. You just will know you spent a lot of money.

    4. If you allow this 2-year-old to insist on carrying the flowers she has selected to the check-out counter, be prepared to have a huge mess and return back to select more non-damaged flowers before making it to the check-out counter.

    5. Never a great idea to give above-mentioned 2-year-old an entire Chik-Fil-A meal in her carseat if you are planning on bringing your dogs into your vehicle any time soon, see #15.

    6. Planting flowers with a two-year-old when there is a baby pool close by does NOT make for very clean water in the pool.

    7. When deciding to empty this baby pool, which is on a high deck, and you have recently spread mulch under the deck, be prepared for all the mulch to end up at the bottom of the hill in your backyard.

    8. Upon deciding how to rid your children’s clothes, bathing suits and beach towels of the funky smells that consume them when they are left lying wet in garages, the backs of vans, or other various places, for several days – one should not always take the advice of friends. Adding vinegar and baking soda to the laundry seemed like a wonderful, old-time remedy to rid the funky smells. However, if you conjure up the memories of the vinegar and baking soda volcanoes that we used to make as kids – multiply that times 1,000 and that was my laundry room today. Perhaps I should have listened more carefully on the actual amounts.

    9. Trying to rid your laundry room of foaming baking soda and laundry detergent is not easy to do with any assortment of containers and/or towels. Rinsing the laundry piece by piece in the utility sink is not a feasible idea either.

    10. When all else fails, take said laundry outside and hang it all over the fence and just use a garden hose.

    11. When you let two puppies in the backyard with wet, sliding, mulch avalanches, and drying laundry, be prepared to wash two dogs and pick up dirty laundry off the ground. Also, make sure the gate is securely closed or your puppies will have a grand-time galavanting around the neighborhood.

    12. Placing your charger in your cell phone + two hyper puppies = broken off charger inside cell phone.

    13. When you get a message that says “Mom, when you come to pick me up, bring me some dry clothes and underclothes”, you should worry. You will arrive to find her possibly wearing clothes that of which belong to someone’s younger brother, apparently because of a forgotton bathing suit. See #2.

    14. Before traveling one hour round-trip to retrieve oldest child from all-consuming, never-ending, can-think-of-nothing-else-but-horses riding stable, be sure to contact her by her cell phone – which, I might add, was purchased for her with great hopes of me actually being able to contact her when the need arose – however, I have yet to call her ONE SINGLE TIME in which I actually get a “hello?”, apparently riding pants don’t have pockets. Time to buy the kid a cell-phone clip. But, I digress. Before traveling one hour round trip to retrieve oldest child from ……. anyway…… be prepared for that child to not necessarily return home with you. Horse trainers love to keep those 13-year-old-can-think-of-nothing-but-horses girls around because they can get an AMAZING amount of work done in a barn. Her bedroom bears a sign “I’d Rather Muck a Stall Than Clean My Room”. How very, very true. “I’ll bring her home!”, horse trainer says. (I am very thankful for Mrs. Leigh – she rocks!) However, after $40 of gas is spent on that round-trip, it’s a tiny bit frustrating.

    15. Returning home empty-handed except for the unhappy two-year-old in the Chik-Fil-A car seat with two puppies sniffing and licking every nook and cranny of her and her carseat does not make for a pleasurable trip home. See #5.

    16. Do not try to attempt to cook dinner when you have had this kind of day – call for take out. HOWEVER, when the little Chinese guys arrives with your dinner at the front-door, it is not a great idea to try to answer the door, answer the ringing phone, and keep two puppies from attacking the little Chinese guy with the food all at the same time. You will lose.

    Heather

  • Marilena

    I have another one. When my daughter was about 3 years old she came up to me and very seriously said “Mommy I wish I had a pee pee like Boo Boo”(that’s what she calls her brother) “Why sweetie?” “Because, mine’s just flat with a line in it…”

  • Mae

    Oh my gosh! Hysterical!!!!

    My funniest kid story doesn’t involve my kids, but, instead, it involves my brother’s, which makes it even funnier!
    My brother was one of those people who strive to be seen as perfect, especially in public. One day, he and his wife were shopping and my SIL had two of the children in another part of the store and my brother was left with my three year old nephew. My brother was not paying attention; he was perusing the music selection. My nephew was tired of trying to get his daddy’s attention so he pulled his pants and underwear down to his toes. My brother almost lost it and asked why he had done it. Nephew responded, “I was just showing my butt, Daddy.” That of course, was one of my brother’s oft said phrases.

    Ahhh, payback. ;)

  • julie

    While my husband and I were entertaining friends, my youngest son, who turned 6 today, was around 2 years old, came out of the bathroom and said, “Here is your diaper mama.” I wanted the floor to swallow me up. It too was a maxi pad. What can you do but laugh and love them?

  • Patty

    Oh wait, I totally have one more story. Usually its the little kids saying the funny stuff—this came out of my dear sweet 10yr old son’s mouth…………

    Last spring I had sat down for a brief moment in the afternoon. I decided to turn on the tv and flip some channels just in case something happened to be going on that I just couldn’t miss out on. I stopped on the “Ellen” show to see that they were celebrating her 50th birthday! My dear sweet son was sitting there with me. He said “Wow mom! She does NOT look 50!” to which I replied “yeah, she looks great huh!” to which he replied “yeah, wholly cow mom, she’s gonna look YOUR age by the time she dies!!” NICE!!!!

    Patty
    http://www.ladybugblessings.blogspot.com

  • Stuarts

    My husband and I decided to take our oldest out for dinner last year, just the three of us. We were midway through our meal when the waiter came up to check on us. The conversation went as follows:
    Waiter: Can I get you guys anything else?
    My son: Well, I just tooted and it was a stinky one, can you make it smell better?
    Me: No we’re fine, thank you so much.
    The waitor then turned and walked back to the kitchen, his shoulders shaking. The rest of the evening, the other waitors in the restaurant would walk by us and snicker. Nice.

    I left this same story on one of your last posts as well, but my son also humiliated me one time by sticking his little finger (he was only 1) in the exposed crack of a girl wearing pants that were clearly cut way too low. THAT may be one of my more embarassing mom moments, though I really hope that that girl was more embarassed than I was and went out to buy a new pair of pants!

  • Brittany

    You did awesome on Friday. I drove up from Chattanooga to see you with my sister who is a resident of Lexington. You are just as witty in person as you are in your blog. Friday’s message spoke deeper than you will ever know. Thank you for your obedience. I too fear public speaking and for you to get up and be both vulnerable and vocal I know it was a complete God Thing!!! You could tell he was behind you the whole way. Audrey would be so proud of her momma for being B-R-A-V-E. I so wish I could have met you that night. I searched for you after our awesome discussion but someone said you had already headed to tuck your kids in bed (understandable-it was getting late) I thought I might show up at your hotel room but then thought that might be a little creeper. I hope to hear you again and get the opportunity to meet you. Angie-you are A-W-E-S-O-M-E! Much Love to you! the maxi pad story-hilarious!

  • Eric and Emily

    Last week I picked up Alex, my Son, from school. He was rather upset with me that I hadn’t given him a kiss that morning when I dropped him off. He instructed me that this must be a part of my “dropping him off” ritual. So the next morning, before I pull up at the school, where the teachers take them right from the car, I made sure that I gave him a kiss. He got out and the Teacher stuck his head in the car laughing and said “He wiped it off!” I couldn’t stop laughing! Regardless, I give him that kiss every morning at the drop off. Emily

  • Shana

    OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Okay, my funny kid moment……

    My daughter was a second grader and her teacher had asked the children to write about their favorite smell. My daughter’s paper said the following…

    “My favorite smell is gasoline because it smells like alcohol and reminds me of my mother”

    After I stopped laughing so hard that I was crying, I asked “WHAT IN THE WORLD DOES THIS MEAN???” And her sweet reply was, “Mommy, when you tuck me in at night and kiss me good night, I smell the stuff that you have just washed your face with and I think it has alcohol in it.”

    Okay, proof that I am not an alcoholic :)

  • Devin

    Angie,

    Though I have never commented before, I have been reading your blog since shortly before Audrey’s arrival. I have been blessed with every single entry, and I absolutely love reading about your girls and their ‘funnies’.

    I actually keep track of my boys’ (I have a 1-year-old, a 2-year-old, and a 4-year-old son) funnies on my blog, as a way to remember the cute things they said years from now. I copied this blog entry because, if you are looking for embarrassing, this one was IT for me. Hope you enjoy, and please….never stop writing on this blog!

    ***********************************

    Tuesday, July 15, 2008
    Arrrrrrrrrrr me boys EVER going to stop embarrassin’ me?!

    The boys and I ventured out to the grocery store today. Just a quick trip for a few things.

    After we were all done at the register, I got the groceries loaded. Then I re-loaded the boys into and onto the cart–Ethan in the front, of course, and Colin and Cameron doing the “stand-on-the-back-footbar-and-hang-onto-the-end-of-the-basket” thing.

    The boys were gleeful–they love riding on the back of the cart. They were just having a grand ol’ time.

    As we were coming out of the store, we passed a man who was going in to the store. The previously lighthearted ‘conversation’ between my two oldest boys came to a screeching halt as they both simultaneously diverted their attention and locked their eyes on ‘him’.

    This man was very tall. He had long, dark, wavy hair that was streaked in some places with gray. He was scruffy–not in a bum-off-the-street sort of way, but in an I-haven’t-shaved-in-about-72-hours sort of way.

    And, he was wearing a red bandanna.

    Now, I instantly thought, “biker dude.”

    Colin had another idea. Picture this being said at about an eight on a one-to-ten loudness scale: “Look Mom! A pirate!”

    I wanted to crawl into the back of the cart.

    To make matters worse, Cameron chimed in as well, almost immediately after Colin’s exclamation, at about a nine on the scale: “Arrrrrrrgh!”

    Shiver me timbers. I wanted to walk the plank die at that moment. Just die.

    This poor man, whomever he was, either was 1. stone deaf or, as I would like to think, 2. a really nice gentleman who wanted to preserve the one ounce of dignity that I had left in me, so he pretended not to hear my boys.

    The boys were, by this time, dying laughing at each other and yelling, “Arrrrrgh! Arrrrrrgh!” back and forth.

    “We’re pirates too, Mom!” says Col.

    I am, at this point, running as fast as I can to get to our car while attempting to not crash a cart that is loaded down with groceries, one baby, and two small pirates.

    A few minutes later, once safely in the confines of our van, I begin calmly trying to explain to Colin why we don’t say things like that out loud in public. “It’s not polite Colin. We can’t call people names like that.”

    After thinking for a moment, Colin innocently responds.

    “But Mom…..what are we supposed to say to pirates?”

    **********************************

    Yes, yes….many more embarrassing moments have come and gone, but that one, I am pretty sure, topped them all. Hope you got a laugh out of that one!

  • Iris

    My stepdaughter asked my mom “how old are you Aunt Mary?” My mom replied “50″ and my stepdaugher said with a look of disbelief “WOW that is OLD, shouldn’t you be DEAD by now!!!” lol we still laugh about it! the innocence of children is so wonderful! thanks for sharing your heart and your story. glad your speaking engagement went well!

  • Julie

    Oh how funny are these?!! Some of them have me laughing out loud!

    Praise God for your speaking engagement. It sounds like many were blessed. Maybe this is just the beginning and a nation-wide tour is in the works??? :) Do you have any idea how amazing that would be?! Can you feel your legs getting all wobbly now?? I totally know the feeling. I am a teacher so I speak in front of kids all the time, but ask me to speak in front of their parents and that changes everything. I get hot and prickly all over and my stomach feels like a big knot-ball. It is not pleasant I tell you! But kids, they say and do the darndest things. I have many stories I’d love to share, but I narrowed it down to this one.

    One day I was grocery shopping with my then 3 year old son, Zachary. Of course he had to use the bathroom, because what 3 year old boy doesn’t like checking out the public bathroom at every local vendor in town? We temporarily abandon our half-full shopping cart near the pharmacy and walk into the cramped and stuffy restroom. Immediately my heart sinks as I see that the large stall is closed up tight with a sign that reads “Out of Order.”

    I’d rather not go into the smaller stalls with my kids if I don’t have to.

    The one other stall was occupied so we stand and we wait. While we are waiting I tackle all of the usual questions.

    “What are we waiting for?”
    “What is she doing in there?” “Why is it taking so long?”

    Finally the door opens and an elderly woman slowly emerges. She apologizes for taking so long and I kindly reassure her that it’s no big deal, not a problem, yada yada. Little did I know what was about to happen.

    Zachary and I walk towards the stall. We open the door and take a step in the right direction, when suddenly my darling son freezes. His face pinches and puckers. He looks up at me with the sourest of faces and without hesitation declares “I am NOT going in there–it’s too stinky!”

    Noooo, he did not just say that!

    I panic for a moment, unsure what to do next. I wonder… should I give him The Look and whisper in his hear to get in the stall and stop complaining or else? Or should I laugh it off and tell him he’s so silly as we bolt out the door? I don’t have time to do anything before I hear the elderly woman say as she looks over her shoulder,”I don’t blame you, kid!”

    Ahhhh… the tension dissipates. I chuckle and sigh a big sigh of relief and Zachary and I head out the door.

  • Angela

    Praise GOD for children!! What a joy they are!

    Ok, here’s my story….I spent the night at my brother and sis-n-law’s house one weekend. My husband and brother were at a men’s retreat, so it was my sister-n-law and I left with my neice and nephews. Well, I was getting dressed and had ALL of my clothes on the bed, including my “undergarments.” I was doing my makeup and my neice busts in the room without knocking and sees my stuff on the bed. She looks at the bed and asks “what’s that?” pointing to my bra. Me, not knowing what my brother and sis-n-lawhad told her about such things, I casually explain that it is something “big girls” and mommies wear when they get older. She paused a moment and looked up at me and says “oh, it looks like a bra” and walks out of the room. She was 4 at the time. I still laugh at that day!

  • Martha

    Oh dear. When I was potty training my daughter, we were in Kohl’s when she blurted out that she had to go. We rushed to the bathroom and she went, but in the process, she let out a very loud toot. She smiled up at me and said, “Mommy tooted.” I said, “No I didn’t! That was you!” And she replied, “Yes mommy. You tooting. Stinky. Stinky toots.” We exited the stall, only to be greeted by the smiling faces of three women waiting in line!

  • Godz Gurl

    Once when I was getting my youngest daughter out of the car she said to me, Mommy can you put my heart back in my chest because it fell into my foot. She had felt her pulse in her ankle and thought her heart had fallen.

    Next. We were listening to a sermon on cd when the preacher started starting speaking in tongues, she said, ” Momma, why is that preacher speaking spanish”?

    She is a character. I could list many more.

  • Stephanie

    Okay…I have a funny one. We are Christians and go to a Church of God denomination. Church of God is usually more of a traditional type church. Anyways, around last Christmas, Makenna’s (my daughter who was 3 at the time), Sunday School teacher was allowing all the litle girls to tell what they really hoped to get for Christmas. With the straightest, most sincere face…Makenna so innocently announced that she wanted boobs for Christmas. The teacher (almost choking) thought she had heard her wrong so she asked her to repeat her answer. Again she said “boobs, you know like my mommy has”. By the time I found out what special gift she had wanted for Christmas….it seemed the entire church already knew. The preacher even knew. I was so embarassed….but what do you do….you love them anyways. It could have been worse.

    Thanks for sharing!

  • queen of sheba

    Hi there! I read your blog almost everyday but I never comment because you receive so many. I guess I feel like I don’t wanna take up your time. Well, I have to say that in keeping up with your blog you have left me in puddles of tears (which is not easy to do lol), uncontrollable laughter, and a lingering smile that though you don’t know me, you are my sister in Christ!

    Okay, I absolutely LOVED this story! In fact, I just burnt my cookies reading this… I didn’t hear my timer sound (I am in the same room ;p).I NEVER burn my cookies. Oh dear!

    Anyway, this story reminds me It reminds me of my oldest daughter Amber when she was in Kindergarten. I picked her up from school one day and her teacher congratulated me on being pregnant. I was thinking “I am not showing yet so how would she know this?” Then Amber’s teacher went on to tell me what happened in class that morning.

    Teacher: While teaching about sentences…she points out that a period comes at the end of a sentence.

    Amber: Raises her little hand.

    Teacher: Yes, Amber you have a question?

    Amber: My mommy doesn’t have a period anymore, she’s going to have a baby.

    Teacher: Dies laughing

    Teacher: Smiles while telling me what happened

    Me: Smile, chuckle while searching for a near by hole that does not seem to be anywhere when you need one.

    Me now: Laughing while I am writing and yet…SO happy I homeschool full time now even if she is now 12 and not 5 years old.

    Thank you so much for your time and letting me share something dear to my heart!!

    Rebecca
    proverbsmom

  • Beth

    Two stories…both having to do with feminine products. When I was in college, I babysat for a family of three kids, two boys, ages 6 and 8 who both played soccer and their older sister who was 11. I was making dinner one evening and the boys were watching television when a Maxi pad commercial came on. I heard the younger brother ask, “Brandon, what are those things for?” His older brother quickly replied, “Those are knee pads for girls.”

    The second story goes to show you how close kids listen to television commercials and this event happened to a dear friend of mine when her oldest son was three (in 1980). She was out to dinner with her husband and her family and her son was sitting in a chair at the end of the table,when he suddenly stood up in the chair, placed his hands on his hips and in a loud voice, exclaimed, “Do I use Tampax?! You bet!!!!” She said she wanted to disappear under the table.

  • Kathy

    When my stepson was about 4 or 5, he was playing with the neighbor’s kids at my parent’s house.

    He jumped in their kiddie motorized jeep, drove it around then promptly ran over their baby. He actually got high-centered on the poor thing and was revving the engine trying to get the darned thing to go.

    Luckily the child was fine and we can laugh about it now.

    He was so mad at me when I told him he shouldn’t drive the jeep anymore… :)

  • Laura

    I would say a funny moment I have heard was a 4 year old telling that sometimes my daddy pinches his penis to make sure all the pee came out!…..a funny and yet awkward moment at daycare

  • One Blessed Mama

    That is so hilarious! I am still laughing on the inside. I had to take a little bit of time tonight to catch up on the blog cause things are really crazy right now. Leaving for China to pick up my daughter in a few months. This story is funny to me about my daughter who was 2 at the time. We were in Khols and it was winter time. She saw a woman wearing sandles with no socks on walk by. All of a sudden she yells out I know that lady is not wearing sandles in the winter time. The woman comes over and says I know that she did not call me out like that. I could not believe it. Guess I had better watch what I say. My daughter is now 9 and we still laugh at that story. Thanks for letting us share you life with you. You are a real inspiration. Djuna in MD

  • beccaellis

    Angie,

    I have a great story. It actually just happened a few days ago. I thought it was so funny (and tragic) that I started a blog just to display the story. Here is the link:

    http://beccaellis.blogspot.com/

    read the one labled “Come Lord Jesus, Come”

  • Alyssa

    What a hilarious story!!! I’m glad the speaking engagement went well!

    When my daughter was 4, my mom made her an indian costume to wear in a contest for our local Corn Days festival. She didn’t win the contest, but afterward, we saw one of her preschool friends with her mom, and we stopped to talk. As the girls were talking, the mom started snickering, so I looked down to see my daughter with her dress above her head, with NO panties on! She had dressed herself, and obviously neglected that detail! Everyone walking along the street had seen! And I don’t know what was worse- people seeing her with no panties, or the fact that she had just been on a pony ride in a dress with no panties!

  • Angie

    Hubby and I left the kiddo’s at his mom’s Saturday night while we go see Fireproof. We had been gone about 10 minutes when my mother-in-law called and said my 4 year old was insisting that he had eaten breakfast, lunch or dinner. His quote “They didn’t feed me anything – not even pizza.”

  • Abound in Grace

    Okay, my funniest kid moment was also the most embarassing moment of my adult life. I was pregnant with my son Julian. Colten, my oldest child, was 2 years old then. I had horrible digestion with that pregnancy, so when I realized I had to go, I really had to go. So, one morning, it happened. I felt the grumbling in my intestines and I ran for the pot. I had just began “going” and the phone rang. Colten, little curious thing, ran for the phone. I am yelling at this point “DO NOT ANSWER THE PHONE!!!” I have already realized that I am going to be unable to leave the bathroom for a while yet. Then, I hear it. I hear Colten say “Heyyo?” I start really yelling in a panick, “Hang it up!!!Obey!!Mommy says hang it up!!” Then I hear the sweetest little voice tell some unsuspecting stranger… “Mommy poopin”. Oh, Lord, I begin to pray… I can hear someone laughing from my position in the bathroom. I do my best to hurry, mortified, knowing that I am going to have to go in there and face the music. “Father, this would be a great time for a miracle. Could you, please have let the person on the line be a telemarketer who called my number randomly? Would it be too much to ask that this not have happened?” No.By the time I finished and went in to where Colten was, I realized he was still holding the receiver. I picked up the line and said (as calmly as possible) “Hello?” Then the laughter began. It didn’t take me long to realize that it was my mother. Thank you Lord, that it wasn’t my pastor…

  • Laura

    again thanks you for your spirit and your life. I enjoy reading them always!

  • Deena -

    Okay here is my attempt to get you to laugh…..

    Our new neighbors across the street had moved in and our kids had become friends with their kiddos. My then 4 1/2 year old daughter Abby told their two children as they were carelessly swinging on the swings…. “You know, unless you get the mark of the beast…you cannot buy groceries!!!” THAT was a day! I DID bring that sweet family dinner with a sheepish smile and could hardly believe that my daughter’s KINDERGARTEN teacher was explaining Revelation to them on their breaks!!! Since that episode they are only allowed to tell other children that, “Jesus loves them!” :-)

  • Sara

    I have a story from when I was around 6/7. My grandma ingrained in me a love of odd veges. One of my favorites was pickled beets. Loved them. Would eat them straight out of the can, then drink the juice, wiping away my purple mustache with a grin. Mom never really let me have too many thinking I would get a tummy ache, but I was with Grandma for the weekend. She gave me the whole can and said, “Go for it.”

    A few hours later, I was in the bathroom and started screaming. You see, what you drink affects the color of certain fluids. Very very dark in color. My aunt was over and she explained that I had started my period, and prepared me with the proper amenities. Then she called my mom to let her know what had happened.

    After a day or so of nothing else, and some thorough questioning from my mom, it was realized that the culprit was the beets/beet juice. And from that point on, no one ever had to explain female things to me again.

  • Jaci

    We are at dinner and there is this family behind us and my daughter says, mom why does that boy have earrings? I said he chooses to wear them, and thats okay. Well she didn’t like my answer and went up to this man who was like 20-25 and says boys are not suppossed to wear earrings and they are too big for your ears anyways.. Oh my husband and I were so embarrassed as my daughter is only 5. The man just said thank you for telling me that.

    My 4 year old son asked me the other day can we go buy a baby brother at the store? It was cute.

    Glad you had a geat night Friday.

  • ClistyB

    My daughter Gwen was riding past our church’s temple (we’re LDS)with her grandpa one day. She says
    “Grandpa, Heavenly Father would be happy if I got married in that temple, wouldn’t he?”
    “You bet darlin’.” says Grandpa
    A second later Gwen says, “Well I think that Satan would be happy if I got married at the Chuck-a-Rama Buffet.” !!!!!!!!

  • Jane

    My Dad was over one night. He has a beard. My 3 year old was touching Grandad’s beard and asking when he could have a beard. My Dad told him that when boys grow up, they can grow a beard. When girls grow up though, they can’t grow a beard. Thomas looked puzzled and said “But Grandad, Mummy has a beard – in her underpants.”

    Geeeezzzz, how do you recover from that one….!!

    Jane

  • JONATHAN and SHAWNA

    Last July, when my twin boys were about 18 months, I went in to get them up from their nap one afternoon. What I found when I opened the door was beyond any grossness (is that a word?) I ever could have ever imagined. I was so horrified to see both boys, diapers off, completely covered in poop. In their hair, under their fingernails, smeared all over their faces, on the walls, and little pieces of it thrown all over the carpet. It was a sight that I pray I will never have to behold again. And the smell, OH the smell! I was not very happy with them to put it nicely. I just stood there in awe of what I was looking at, and when I was finally able to speak, I said in a calm but Mommy Dearest kind of way, “You, are NOT DOGS!”. And with the sweetest little sound he could muster, Eli cocked his head and said “Woof woof?” Like- I think you said something about us being dogs- I know what dogs say- they say woof woof! My 4 year old, Silas, was standing right next to me and yelled back at Eli, “NO! She said you are NOT dogs!”. Although I was too mad to laugh at the time, I got a pretty good laugh out of it later, (after an hour+ of scrubbing them down) when I called my husband, who was on a business trip. (Nice timing, right?)
    I at least had a sound enough mind to get evidence though. There are some pretty hilarious pictures of the “Poopy Twins” on my blog.

  • Lindy

    First time to comment on your blog, but I must say thanks for sharing. You are my daily comic relief!

    Okay, so my husband likes to partake of an occasional cigar, and my boys (ages 6 and 4) have gotten quite used to that (and lectured often that they better not ever do that). So my four year old is in my bathroom one day, reaches into the trash can, pulls out a little carboard applicator, looks at me with wide eyes and say, “mommy, you smoke cigars, too?”

    I need to learn a few lessons about the perfect house as well. Thanks for the reminder of what is truly important.

  • Lisa-Cinti,Ohio

    HI Angie,

    I am glad your event went well for you and you found peace when you got there!

    I have 2 short stories for you, one for each of my kids. My daughter who is now 9, when she was about 2-3 she also found the box of maxi’s in the bathroom and she was gone for just a minute from me but was very quiet-i should have known by that, something was up, she came to me and said she fixed her “boo boo” as she had maxi’s attached to her legs from her ankles to her bottom wrapped around her legs! Then she also a little later was such a little helper to her mommy, she climbed in our shower (no tub-free standing shower and was helping her mama clean! only she used a whole bottle of baby oil on the bottom of the shower stall!

    My little man, who is now 5 was able to go to VBS for the first time this year and was he excited. It was the Power Lab version! He came home and his Daddy who is his biggest Hero on any given day, he looked him in the eye when he came home and said “Daddy, your not big anymore, nope your not big” why not we asked, “cause God is big mommy, daddy is not big anymore!” So I think he paid attention to VBS!

    Thank you for your words, they reach farther and deeper than you know.

    lisa

  • Skinny Jeans

    My friends son just started playing in the church soccer league. It is a 5 year old team. The first night of practice the coach asked for ideas for a team name. My friends son eagerly raised his hand and said – how about the Hot Mammas?

  • Cynthia Jill Photography

    I am laughing my butt off at your story!! I had something sort of similar happen to me once. When I was younger I worked at a couple of daycares. At the first daycare I worked at, this one little boy’s Grandma would always pick him up in the afternoon. One particular day she came to pick him up as usual, but as they were getting ready to walk out the door she realized she forgot something so she told him to sit by the desk in the next room to wait for her. Well, for some reason one of my co-workers left her purse on the desk. BAd idea! When the grandma found what she had forgotten and went into the other room where she had left her grandson(the office) he was sitting there with a maxi pad stuck to his face that he had pulled out of my co-workers purse. There were also a few sticking to the window.

    Okay, done with the maxi pad moments lol Now on to my “funny kid moments” comment….

    Hmmm… its so difficult to choose just one!! I worked in the daycare field for over 10 years so I have seen and heard some pretty hilarious things. The ones that really stick out in my head are…

    One time, during a “free play” session, at a daycare I worked at, a little boy (3 years old) was playing in the “house” area and asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink. I cheerfully told him that “I’d just love a coffee”. After all, it was early morning. To which he replied, “Sorry, we’re all out of coffee, but I can get you a beer!” As inappropriate as it might have been I went home laughing!!

    This next one is more “Teachers say the darndest things,rather than kids say the darndest thing”. One of my co-workers was doing an “Under the Sea” theme with her preschool class and that particular day they were making octopuses. A mother walked in and saw all of the kids happily engaged in their activity and asked the teacher what they were making, to which the teacher replied “Oh, these are testicles!” I’m told the mother was smirking as she corrected my co-worker and said, “You mean tentacles, right..?”

  • Marcy

    Aren’t you glad God enjoys a good laugh. My funniest baby story so far happened when my little girl was about 3 months old. I had to take my dog to the vet and didn’t want to take her inside with me…not knowing what could be lingering around a vet office. My husband has a resident schedule and is working all the time, so I planned the vet visit on a day my parents were in town and could stay in the car with her. My mom decided to come in with me and my dad stayed in the car. We weren’t inside long but when we came out we found my dad sitting in the car with a smile on his face but wet shorts. He then told us that she really started to cry. He got her out and was holding her when he realized that she had a complete diaper blow out. His short and her clothes were covered. He proceeded to change her, get new clothes on her and then find a water bottle in the car to clean his shorts off. He then drove around the block trying to keep her from crying too much. He was such a trooper…never even complained…just walked around in wet shorts all day holding his granddaughter with a smile on his face.

  • Giveaway Queen

    I used to teach Kindergarten. One day, we read a story about Santa Claus and one kid raised his hand and said “the real meaning of Christmas is not Santa, it is Jesus.” The rest of the kids started chanting “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!” Needless to say, I had to quiet them down fast before the principal and parents thought that I was taching them about Jesus! It was so funny though!

  • Firefly Photo Jewelry

    That is funny!!

    I have one too…

    I have 2 little girls. Kinzley Faith who is 5 and Kennacie Grae who is 2. When Kinzley was 2 1/2 and Kenna just a newborn we were on our way home from vacation. We stopped at a McDonald’s that had a play area so Kinz could get out and run. My husband was in line for the food (a looong line) I took Kenna in her carseat and set it on a table in the play area. Kinz wasn’t wearing any socks and I happen to have a pair in the diaper bag. I remember putting them on her thinking, Gosh I am ON it!

    That was short lived..

    She climbs to the very top of the play area and PEES! She was being potty trained and I forget to see if she needed to go. All I hear is some liquid splattering on the floor 20 feet below. I just sat there with my mouth open thinking NO WAY! Do not be pee! Sure enough. She starts freaking out. I have a newborn who starts screaming at the same time.. I have moms all over who are staring at me like I have a second head. No one will help. My husband is oblivious.

    Really what choice did I have. I climb up the tunnels/slides that have pee flowing down them like a river. The pee had went thru the mesh netting and it hitting the tops of the tunnels and splattering all over. I have pee all over my jeans by the time I reached her. THEN get pee all over my butt trying to get her to come down.

    As if that is bad enough the other moms are looking at me horribly I have one kid who peed all over the play stuff.. They are grabbing their kids saying OH THAT GIRL JUST PEED.. GET OUT GET OUT. In the mean time I just left my newborn baby on a table.

    I finally get my husband (who is at the counter) to tell a worker there is a clean up in the play area. They don’t seem to care and say they will get to it when they have time.

    I end up taking the girls and walking out to the car. Which of course is right in front of the play area window and it’s LOCKED! Keep in mind Kinzley’s pants are soaked as our mine..My DH takes the tray into the play area and sees me thru the window waving my hands to hurry up and let me in the car..

    Oh it was sooooo bad.. I had forgetten how bad until I just wrote it all out…

    Kids are entertaing if nothing else ;)

  • Jen

    When he was 4, my eldest calmly walked up to the platform, smiled sweetly at everyone, turned around and full on mooned the church. Pants down and everythng. I nearly died. So did everyone else… from laughter.

  • FNT

    This is not really humilating but more humbling. I work with a little boy as his para and was with him and his sister one night while the parents were at parent-teacher conferences. I was talking about how it soon would be time for bed and how I was tired too ( I was yawning). To which his four year old going on 20 year old sister says “Have you been staying up late at night?” Very serious and matter of fact. She’s got me there :)
    Farrah

  • Bridgette Anne

    I have to pick just one? Ok, how about this….

    My son was about 18 months old (I think) and as we were walking out of church I uh….tooted *blush*. My son then exclaims loudly “A poop? A poop? A mess?”

    I am sure if I thought about it there are ones more funny than that but that is the first one that popped in my head.

  • Pufferfish Mommy

    Angie – I love your blog and read it often. You are a great encouragement to me! Thank you so much! Here is a funny little tidbit to hopefully make you grin… and shed some light on the subject of having a little boy in the house!

    For Christmas last year, my youngest son (“LilBub”, then age 4) got some Star Wars underwear. He was so thrilled, he couldn’t wait to put them on! And he’s been wearing them ever since. Ha! Just kidding…

    One day, I overheard him putting on his clothes, including a pair of the beloved Star Wars undies with a picture of a space ship on the back.

    Evidently he was having a conversation with the characters in the ship… on his underwear. The Star Wars people said (in a funny LilBub voice), “Fire up the engines!” To which LilBub replied, “Frt…frt….frt…” (making ‘poot’ noises) Then the Star Wars people (on the underwear…) replied, “That was just a little toot! We need more power!” So LilBub really let it rip, “FRT! Frt, Frt, Frt!!!” The Star Wars people were much obliged as they said, “Now THAT’S what I’M talkin’ ’bout!” LilBub was so proud.

    I was the only one who heard this little exchange, so I guess it’s not really “embarrassing”… but still funny, nonetheless! :)

  • Julie Ken

    When my daughter was three she came running out of my bathroom with a thong panty liner stuck to each of her knees. She was very proud of herself and said “look, knee pads!”. I just laughed and didn’t say anything… she went back to playing and soon returned minus the liners with a serious look on her face and said “Those weren’t knee pads”!

    Angie~ I read your blog often but have never left a comment.
    I enjoy reading your entries, Thank your ƒor sharing your stories!
    ~Julie K.

  • Cam, April, Carson, & Hannah

    Great story!

    I too have a maxi pad story…but will skip that one and tell you another (Is it sad I have so many to chose from? :)

    Sundays are always busy, but great days for our house. My husband serves as a counselor to our Bishop and has meetings prior to church starting. This means it is up to me to get myself, and the two kiddos to church by 9am.

    On this particular morning, my 6 year old son insisted on bringing an 8×10 framed picture of myself when I was young. (The night before we were organizing and going through old photos when he ‘discovered’ this picture.) This was no ordinary picture-it was when I was the “Wheat and Beet” Queen. This picture was of me decked out in a frilly dress-crown the whole nine yards.

    Back to the story…We were running late for church and I just didn’t have the energy to argue with him about taking the picture, so I said put it in the church bag and lets go.

    I feel like I am rambling, but here is where the story gets interesting…I play the organ in our church and my husband sits with the Bishop. My two kids sit behind the organ and are usually well behaved while I am occupied with playing the songs. The organ sits at the front of the chapel with all the congregation looking up at the organ, podium etc.

    We all got through the first song okay but as I started playing the second song I glanced over at my son pulling the picture of me out of the bag. He slowly stood up and started inching away from the organ to the middle of the room (where everybody can see him). He is proudly holding the queen picture above his head for everyone to see.

    I am trying to keep one eye on the music I am supposed to be playing and the other on my son while trying to quietly tell him to sit down. He did not get the message and held the ‘beautiful’ picture of me as high as he could for the entire 4 verses of the song. I could hear and see the strange expressions and the (polite :) giggling in the congregation and wanted to crawl into a hole.

    After the song, my son came back and told me “I just wanted everyone to see when you were a queen!”

    Believe me…everyone did see that I was a “queen” and I had many compliments that day! ;)

  • Cam, April, Carson, & Hannah

    Great story!

    I too have a maxi pad story…but will skip that one and tell you another (Is it sad I have so many to chose from? :)

    Sundays are always busy, but great days for our house. My husband serves as a counselor to our Bishop and has meetings prior to church starting. This means it is up to me to get myself, and the two kiddos to church by 9am.

    On this particular morning, my 6 year old son insisted on bringing an 8×10 framed picture of myself when I was young. (The night before we were organizing and going through old photos when he ‘discovered’ this picture.) This was no ordinary picture-it was when I was the “Wheat and Beet” Queen. This picture was of me decked out in a frilly dress-crown the whole nine yards.

    Back to the story…We were running late for church and I just didn’t have the energy to argue with him about taking the picture, so I said put it in the church bag and lets go.

    I feel like I am rambling, but here is where the story gets interesting…I play the organ in our church and my husband sits with the Bishop. My two kids sit behind the organ and are usually well behaved while I am occupied with playing the songs. The organ sits at the front of the chapel with all the congregation looking up at the organ, podium etc.

    We all got through the first song okay but as I started playing the second song I glanced over at my son pulling the picture of me out of the bag. He slowly stood up and started inching away from the organ to the middle of the room (where everybody can see him). He is proudly holding the queen picture above his head for everyone to see.

    I am trying to keep one eye on the music I am supposed to be playing and the other on my son while trying to quietly tell him to sit down. He did not get the message and held the ‘beautiful’ picture of me as high as he could for the entire 4 verses of the song. I could hear and see the strange expressions and the (polite :) giggling in the congregation and wanted to crawl into a hole.

    After the song, my son came back and told me “I just wanted everyone to see when you were a queen!”

    Believe me…everyone did see that I was a “queen” and I had many compliments that day! ;)

  • Rachel

    Great blog! I enjoy reading it very much.

    My son became facinated by the tampons kept under the bathroom sink. One day he asked what they were. Not ready to have the “talk” with him yet, he was only 5, I told him they were to clean your nose out with.

    Fast forward a week and he gets a cold. Of course you can already see where this is heading. Daddy finds him in the bathroom with a tampon up each nostril.

    He now wishes he could destroy the photos.

  • lindsay

    That story is fabulous!!! Here’s mine:

    I was flitting around the house on a busy morning, wearing white panties with brown polka dots. I had called my co-worker/supervisor and was just about to leave her a voicemail (as in, it had already beeped for me to start recording) when my 2-year-old daughter shouted, “Mama, why do you have BROWN DOTS inside your panties?!”

    Niiiice. The co-worker was very professional and never told me if she suspected I had poopy panties.

    Glad your speaking event went well! I’ve been following your blog since before Audrey was born, and I hope to hear you speak one day. You are an inspiration to all of us mamas.

  • Sarah

    Here’s my funny kid story…

    One evening after work, I had to rush to pick up 4-year old Ethan so that I could make it to Haverty’s to buy some bedroom furniture before it went off sale. When I got to the daycare center, I was horrified to find him in his emergency clothes because he’d had an accident during naptime. It had been so long since he’d had an accident that the emergency clothes were a year old. He wore skin-tight, very high-water green sweat pants and an orange T-shirt, and he smelled like pee. I had no choice but to take him to Haverty’s like that because my house was too far out of the way.

    When I arrived, I decided to carry Ethan on my hip; maybe he would be less conspicuous that way. But I had to wait for several minutes for the salesperson, and Ethan was getting heavier and heavier, and more squirmy. When the pain in my arm became unbearable, I finally let him down.

    Much to my dismay, he immediately launched into his dinosaur impression. He’d been perfecting his performance for weeks, and it was actually amazingly accurate. But to the untrained eye, he just looked like a boy with special needs.

    Here was my boy, wearing ill-fitting, mismatched clothes and smelling of urine. He crouched low as he walked, his elbows bent so that his hands were claws against his chest. His head jutted forward like a strutting chicken, and he jerked it from side to side periodically when he spotted his prey. His stalking was punctuated by guttural growls, and flecks of spittle flew as he darted around the formal living room furniture.

    “Very good, Ethan. That’s enough now,” I hissed as I chased him. But he was in character now, and there was no stopping him. Just then, the salesman came back, accompanied by a middle-aged woman.

    “Oh, how cute,” the lady said, but I fancied that what she really meant was, “Oh, look at this well-dressed woman who dresses her mentally challenged boy in rags!”

    “He’s a dinosaur,” I mumbled. They responded with blank stares. “He’s doing a dinosaur impression…. You know, like the velociraptors from Jurassic Park? He’s really quite good,” I explained, averting my red face.

    “Uh huh,” replied the salesman.

    “Cute,” repeated the lady.

    I scooped up my dinosaur and signed for my furniture. Then I called my boyfriend and told him all about it. I laughed until I cried.

  • Bobbi

    That is too funny! This is my first time to comment, but I have been following your blog for several months now. I love your transparency. Your passion for Jesus is truly contagious! My brother and sister-in-law recently lost their son to SIDS and there have been so many of your posts that have resonated with me. We have certainly been praying for you and your family in the past several months.

    Here’s a funny “pad” story that just happened a couple of weeks ago in our house. My husband was home with the kids and my 3 year old daughter told him she needed to go potty. After about 5 minutes, he asked her what she was doing and she came out with no panties on and a pad stuck directly to herself. Let’s just say it was appropriately placed! :) Never a dull moment…

    God bless!

  • Liz

    Laughing so hard I am crying…

    I posted my story on my blog, but I’ll share with you here.

    The other day the boys and I had a rare weekday to spend together – that was the day I decided to start my little man in new cloth diapers. To that end I needed to go out and by Bummis (or some diaper cover of some sort). Of course impeccably attired, we head out on the town – and to the nicest Maternity Boutique in town. I am discussing the highs and lows of the different types of covers when my big man walks up to us and proudly announces…

    “Two Fart Mommy!!! I did Two Farts!!”

    I have never had a prouder moment (it was also at this moment that I realized the women helping us either has a very young and still silent baby or no kids at all -she definitely did not understand the chaos that is parenting a toddler).

    Upon retelling this story, a friend reminded me “at least he can count”. I guess every moment truly is a learning opportunity..

  • Charissa

    At homeschool outing put on by the Boy Scouts, a pimply faced teenage Boy Scout was talking to the children about reptiles. When he finished his presentation and asked for questions, my 5 yr. old raised his hand. I told him to speak loudly so everyone could hear his question. He asked, “WHAT ARE THOSE RED SPOTS ALL OVER YOUR FACE?”

  • MissMcTague

    Ok Angie– I told you I wouldn’t have a story, and then I was reminded by Joey that I do in fact have one about my sister…here’s how it goes:

    When my sister was younger, she used to always shower with our dad. Once, when she was 3, she came out of the shower and asked my mom in some way what my dad “had”. My mom is very matter-of-fact about this and hates words like wiener or pee-pee– she likes to go for the real thing. So, to answer my sister’s question my mom goes, “Well, Ryann, boys have penises.” And so, of course, my sister asked what girls had and my mom told her that girls have vaginas. A couple of days later, my sister came into my parents’ bedroom when she woke up in the morning. When she came in the room my mom said, “Good Morning, Peanut!”. My sister then became immediately upset and exclaimed, “Mommy! I am NOT a peanut! I’m a bogina!”. So long for my mom trying to be anatomically correct…

  • The Arnold Family

    Ok.

    I had just delivered my son and was (as you know) bleeding non stop for weeks.

    We were at church, and my then (almost) three year old was running around.

    A group of women saw her and said, “Tylee, you’d better slow down or you’ll fall and make youself bleed!”

    She then replied to all of them, “Yeah. My mom bleeds out of her butt!”

    Mortification.

  • Corby and Lauren

    What a hilarious story! I’ve never commented, but I absolutely love your blog. I just ended my nanny job of 3 years, beginning when the little girl was 7 weeks. She is hysterical and although most of her comments aren’t embarrassing…..there are a few. When I was potty training her, I would cheer her on and tell her to “let out all of her pee pee”. Well, one day we were in the Nordstrom bathroom, and after she went to the bathroom, I went. As I finished, she said, “GREAT JOB Laloy….you let all of your pee pee out!!!” The bathroom was full of people, and I just didn’t really realize how much my words had sunk in!

  • The Arnold Family

    We have two toy strollers that the children LOVE to push around the house. Our house kinda loops around on the inside, so it is very convenient if you are a stroller pusher!

    Our children love to push around EVERYTHING in those strollers, from baby dolls, to cars, to each other! (One is an umbrella stroller, and one is a typical one-seater, and Tavi (20 months) and Nayah (9 months) fit quite nicely in there. Royce (3) fits too.) They push these strollers ’round and ’round.

    Well today Tavi walks into the living room pushing the big stroller. She has one pink high heeled shoe on. As soon as she hits the room that I am in, she stops. She looks out from behind the stroller and gives me the typical Tavi “look”. The look is kind of a combination of “I am doing something wrong” meets “I think it’s kinda funny” meets “I know I am going to get punished” meets “Mom just what exactly are you going to do about it?” meets “You know this is who I am”. It’s “the look”.

    I say to her, “Tavi what are you doing?” She says, “Diah”, and points to her stroller. I can see that whatever is inside the stroller is some sort of clothing item. I say “What are you pushing? Come here and let me see”.

    So she starts gathering her “cargo” in one big armful and before I know it she has dumped the entire load of dirty panties and underwear on my lap. This includes one of the children’s “accident” pair. I don’t even need to tell you how nasty this is.

    So apparently she had ventured into the laundry room, looked at the bin full of dirty underwear and thought, “Hmm. These guys haven’t been for a walk lately.”

    So I make her go put them back and after we take a bath!

    Until next time…

  • David, Ashley and Noah

    My 1 year old has recently begun a bad habit. He likes to hang on me. I don’t mind at home when I’m in my sweatpants, but it got problematic the other day at walmart. We made a “quick” trip to walmart. As my husband, my son and I were standing in the longest checkout lane possible, we were trying to entertain Noah. Just as I looked away he grabbed my shirt and “hung” on me. I don’t know if anyone was looking, but the place was packed and I’m pretty sure 1/2 of Houston got flashed a little boobage. As he did this I said, “Noah, NO!” He just looked up at me with an evil grin and giggled. I swear that kid is way smarter than we even think he is!

  • The Arnold Family

    We were at my cousin’s wedding. Royce (3) was sitting next to my mom. She was seated next to this random man. This man was a biker dude with a long gray beard and a long gray pony tail. There was a prayer said during the ceremony, and the room was dead silent. Royce looked over at this man in the midst of the dead silence and said plain as day, “Are you God??” (!!!) Everyone around him did their best to muffle their belly laughs. The man almost lost it too. This is what God looks like to my sweet 3 yeard old boy.

    And the rest of the service Royce kept saying, “I found God! I found God!” He was so excited! And whenever a prayer would be said, he would start up all over again. “God is over there!”

  • Our Family of Four

    THAT is funny! The only story that comes to mind at the moment is my 3 year old going into preschool and, in all innocence, asking me (very loudly mind you) why the woman leaving at that very second (as in RIGHT NEXT TO ME) is so fat. It was sweet in a way because it was a real question and not a judgement but I felt so embarrased and so sad for that poor woman who just kept on walking.

  • The Arnold Family

    During a certain time period, Royce (3) had said something about both of his parents within 24 hours.

    Royce was sitting on my lap. He layed his head back and then sat up. He turned around and looked at me with a “hate to break it to you” look and said, “You got some huge boobs”. I said “Who does?!” And he said, “You do” as he jabbed a finger in them.

    Then, Royce was sitting on the potty going poop. When he was done he looked into the toilet bowl, pointed, smiled and said, “That looks like my Daddy”.

    Honesty always the best policy?

  • The Arnold Family

    I was about to run a load of hots when Royce (3) comes into the laundry room.

    “Tavi (16 months at the time) got into the poop”.

    I thought, “Huh?” But didn’t really give it much mind. Tavi is notorious for pulling dirty diapers out of the garbage and trying to…well…eat them. The whole diaper that is. In fact, the child has quite a disgusting eating pattern. She is the child that will eat a bug off the groung. She prefers the dirty diapers. I never catch her trying to eat clean ones… She will be done eating her meal in her highchair, and as soon as I put her down start scarfing down the pieces off the floor that fell. And she does it fast. She knows if she doesn’t hurry, her beloved floor food will be swept away.

    Anyway.

    I yell, “Tavi no no!”, put some laundry detergent in, turn the dial to hot, hit start, and go see just what exactly she is up to.

    Urgh.

    There was a huge turd on the living room floor. There were little turd crumplets scattered around the huge turd. There was an open diaper laying on the floor. There was poop on Tavi’s hand. There was poop in Tavi’s fingernails. There was poop on her chin. There was poop between her teeth.

    She had apparently found a mid-morning snack. All those months of pining for dirty diapers, she finally succeeded in finding her treasure inside. She had her poop and ate it too.

    Yes there was a bath. Yes there was a full-on inside of the mouth scrubbin’ with adult toothpaste. Yes there was an extreme steaming of the living room carpet.

    And it just goes to show you. It is impossible for me to get anything done around here. It never fails. As soon as I “get going”, something ridiculous comes up.

    Some parents have the child who is a “poop artist”. Ya know the ones, they decorate walls with there “left behind” parts? Well. I have a “poop eater”. Yummmm.

  • Katie Bozeman Sims

    Ok… Here’s just ONE of the most mortifying stories of my teen years. Believe me, when your siblings are 8 and 12 years younger than you, there are plenty to tell!!!

    Soo.. there I was, 15 years old and babysitting the siblings (ages 7 and 3) one day and a church friend comes by to drop off some stuff for my dad.

    I keep seeing him smile and snicker, but thought nothing of it.
    I closed the door, and turned around to see my TAMPONS all over the livingroom floor with my brother aiming and shooting them at my sister!!! I screamed, and asked my siblings what on earth they were doing.

    My brother’s answer? PLAYING WITH ALL YOUR TORPEDOES from the bathroom!!!!!

  • hsturner

    Well we were in church one Sunday when my son starting saying “mommy, mommy what is this?” I was trying to ignore him and worship but when I turned around he was waving a PAD in the air that he had found while looking in my purse! I about fell over! I can’t remember if our sermom was taped that day but let’s hope they missed the advertisement for Maxi Pads!

  • The Arnold Family

    Some more random quotes…

    When Royce (3) was asked if he thought his mommy was pretty….

    Royce: No, my Daddy is pretty.

    “Someone” in the family was holding a wrapped object in their hand.

    Tylee (5 at the time): What’s that?
    “Someone”: A tampon.
    Tylee: Oh. Can I have a bite?

    Royce was sitting on Tylee’s pink bike.

    Royce: Now i’m a big girl!

    The same “someone” was caught yet again with the wrapped object.

    Royce: What is that?
    “Someone”: A tampon.
    Royce: I LOVE tampons!

  • aubreym1980

    Man that pad story had me rollin on the floor. I needed that laugh. thanks for that. :)

    So I have a couple funny ones to share. So when I was a teenager my friend and I had bought some colored condoms from a store here in town for the heck of it. Not that we were going to use them but I guess we wanted to be cool. LOL Well my sister and her sister were small at the time like 5 or 6, and one day we were out somewhere and came back to my house and our sisters came running inside and said Mom come look at the pretty water balloons we found in Aubrey’s room. My friend and I looked at each other like huh? So then we all go outside, by this time my Dad had came out to see the “balloons” too. Immeaditly I look toward the hose and there are tons of blown out condoms and some full of water. Some how they had also managed to tie some of them like real water ballons so they resembled real male parts. Oh boy was I trying to live this down forever, I was so mortified and my parents werent real happy either.

    My other funny is about my son who is 6. We were at Walmart one day and I had to buy some maxi pads well you know how we ladies have to search for the right kind. So my son was walking over to each one squeezing the packs and asking what are these Mom, wow these are pretty cool Mom. There were people down the isle laughing like crazy. So I didnt know what to say. I was so embarrased so I just said those are women pads leave those alone. LOL So then we get home and he’s helping me unload the bags and pulls out the huge thing of pads I bought and says Mom where do you want me to put the “woman pads” Oh man was that funny.

    Oh I just thought of another one that will make you laugh!

    A few mths back I took a digital pregnancy test from Walgreens of course BFN. So I sit it here by the computer while telling one of my gal pals my news. Not even thinking I get up to go get a drink and leave the test here. Before I know it I hear this clicking noise and look in here and my son is shooting the pee stick out of the holder and telling me “Hey, Hey Mom look its a gun” So now he keeps asking me when I am going to get another one of those guns. Too funny.

  • Phyliss

    ok…. here’s one for you (related by a Lab Tech workmate)

    ..she and her husband were at the polling booth signing up to vote, and their 3 yr old yells across the room with a lilting Scottish accent, “Mum, Dad… I’m goin’ out for a smoke”…

    ‘Mum/Dad’= totally mortified..

  • The Arnold Family

    When my son was 2 1/2, this was his meal time prayer:

    And trust me, this is the new and improved version.

    God is great, God is great.
    Let us thank Him for our food.
    Sons and daughters,
    Thank you la-da-ders.
    Amen.

  • gloryrevealed

    I have a story to share. It’s not exactly about our kids, but it is about the baby monitor!

    Last fall, my husband and I had to move in with my parents for several months while we were building a new house. We have two boys, who were six months and three years old at the time. One night, “Ama” and “Did Dad” took our older son out to dinner. My husband and I put our baby to bed. He was sleeping in a pack and play in our room. Being responsibile parents, we had turned the baby monitor on.

    All of a sudden, the house was quiet and we were alone. We realized that we were crazy to be downstairs while we could be getting it on without worrying about my parents hearing anything. We figured we would hear when they got home because they have a dog who barks at everything.

    You can guess where this is going.

    We had a lot of fun as happily married couples should…and then went downstairs and were suprised that Ama and Did Dad were home with our son Asher. And the baby monitor was still on!!!

    They had heard every, um, moan?

    Sara – http://gloryrevealed.wordpress.com

  • Sumner Family

    So my kids on evening when i was trying to get things ready for Care Group found my Tampon box and were launching them over our stair case. I was so flustered…i gathered up a whole box (ignore the question from my son asking what they were – i mean i didn’t have time for that) and quickly put them to bed. Our care group arrived and we were all praying…i glanced open my eyes to see a single tampon hanging like a christmas tree ordament on our fake tree. I could remember anything else but this great need to get up and remove it without anyone knowing what i was doing… as least it keeps us real eh?

  • Lauren

    My husband owns a restaurant and my 2 year-old daughter and I would go in and have lunch every week. After bible study one morning, I invited my friend and her 5 year-old daughter to have lunch with us. After we finished our lunches, my friend and I were visiting when both girls said they needed to use the restroom. Since Breleigh (my daughter) knew where the restroom was, and it was my husband’s restaurant, we let the girls go together and we just kept and eye on the bathroom door. A few minutes later my friend sees the girls walking back to the table. When I turn to look, I see my daugher with her pants and PANTIES down around her ankles. She is shuffling her feet trying to walk back to the table, (which is completely across the dining room!) When Breleigh sees me looking at her she screams at the top of her lungs, “Mom, I went poop and I need a wipe!” I jump up from the table, grab her, and run to the bathroom.

    After I get her taken care of, my husband comes up to me and asks what happened. Apparrantly a table complained that a little girl was wandering around the restaurant with her pants down and poop on her bottom. It was so embarrassing.

  • Dannielle

    That was great! I have a story to share!

    When I was pregnant with baby number 3 I had to go to a doctors appointment without my husband and with my two son’s who at the time were 5 and 6. I was late in my pregnancy and so I knew that I had to get checked, i.e. feet in stir-ups please. I figured when that time came I would tell my boys to sit in the hall and I would be right out. I knew they would sit quietly so into the office we went. The nurse told me that my doctor had a last minute emergency and so I would be seeing the Nurse Practitioner. She did the normal check of the heart beat, and what not and then she said; “Are they staying in for the exam?” I said no and before I could tell my sweet boys to sit quietly in the hall she turned to them and said: “OK you need to go sit out here while I check your mommy’s bottom.” As soon as the word bottom feel of her lips both of my boys eyes glazed over and I could see them trying to figure out why on Earth this lady would need to look at their mom’s butt.

    As soon as I walked out of the room after the check-up my 5 year old started to say: “Mom?” In that tone that suggested he was going to drop the mother of all questions. I stopped walking down the hall, turned to the boys, and said; “I promise as soon as we get to the van I will answer both of your questions. The van door wasn’t even closed before my 6 year old was asking why the lady looked at my butt. My five year old piped up in a very matter of fact voice; “Oh I know why! The baby comes out your butt!” Needless to say it took a lot of convincing that babies did not come out of there, and I also had to warn parents at school that a rumor about how babies get out might start circulating.

    Dannielle
    http://www.dasolberg.blogspot.com

  • The Kempiak Party of Five

    I love your story.

    My story is when I was a mom of two (not three as in now).

    My daughter Baylee, three at the time was playing with her one year old brother Nathan as I was running around the kitchen trying to get it cleaned up before heading out for some errands with them. I yelled to them to get ready to leave when all of a sudden chaios came. Baylee comes running into the room hysterical yelling, “His wee wee is showing, his wee wee is showing. Help!” Yikes…I immediately run, wondering two things: #1 how did Nathan get his diaper off to show off his “private part” and #2 Who taught my innocent daughter to call “it” a wee wee. Yikes! As I get to Nathan, my heart beating fast, he’s fully clothed, but Baylee is still hysterical repeating herself. As I lean over to her to calm her and reassure her that Nathan is okay, she points to his foot. His little pinkey toe (the one we play “this little piggy went to the market” with, is hanging out of the straps of his sandles. So…the wee wee she was talking about was totally different than the one I was thinking about (thank God). His “wee wee” was out. Easy problem to solve!

  • Karen Jolly

    I did actually laugh out loud when i read that story. I can only imagine the look on your guests’ faces.

    My story happened just the other day. My 5 year old daughter has been telling interesting stories lately and sometimes I don’t know whether to believe her or not. So we were driving home from kid’s choir at church and she told me that “My choir teacher has a really fat tummy. She said there wasn’t a baby in it but it was full of donuts!” and then she laughed. What ?!? Did she really tell her teacher that? I told her that what she said wasn’t nice but I coudn’t help but laugh a little (without her knowing of course). The bad part is how could I ever find out if she really said that to her?

  • Jaci

    What a funny story!:) I love reading what you write…you have me laughing and crying sometimes at the same time.

    I have a story from when my family…my husband, myself and our 3 kids at the time were being “commissioned” to go on a family mission trip for 6 weeks. Our church had asked my husband and our family to share a little during the church services on a Sunday before we left. My kids at the time were Drew 5, Sam 3 and Lizzy 6 months. This becomes an important detail as I go on.

    So anyway, the Sunday comes and we had totally prepped the kids for being “on stage”. I thought I had gone over multiple scenarios of what to do and not to do, but I would soon find out that I had missed a quite a few…including “if there is communion juice on the stage…”

    We get to church and head up “on stage” at the appropriate time. Brent, my husband, starts to share his heart, his vision for what we are going to be doing and about 2 minutes in Drew starts wandering. It happened to be communion Sunday and the bread and juice (for the pastor) were on the table next to the podium (where he gave his sermon and where my hubby was enthusiastically talking). At first Drew is just sort of curiously looking at these items on the table. But as soon as I caught him in the corner of my eye I saw THE LOOK. And he was gone. He forgot where he was.

    As Brent keeps talking, I am trying to casually inch my way over from one side of the stage to the center of the stage with my baby and 3 year old. Much to my horror I now see Drew completely leaning over the table with the pastors communion on it, sticking his nose practically into the juice in an attempt to smell what was in there. I then start using the silent communication of waving my arm and trying to nicely give him a look. (Mind you I am standing on stage, in front of the church congregation, trying to be a supportive wife and good mom:)) This does nothing, he is still bending, sniffing, curious…and the table is on the edge of the stage…at this point I am beginning to worry that he is going to knock it off and I am hoping that Brent (who is at the podium) will quit talking for just a moment and stop our son.

    He does, but 30 seconds later Drew’s curiousity is back and he is sniffing the communion juice all over again. I am mortified. Sam starts to get fidgety too and starts walking in circles around me on the stage (I wish I had a picture so you could see what this looks like). At about this time, my husband gets to the part of his talk (that has seemed like forever and was probably 5-7minutes) and says (with all of this going on) “I would just like to thank my wife Jaci…she is just such a great mom.”

    In this moment my 3 year old is doing a dance around in a circle on the stage and my 5 year old is sticking his nose in the pastors communion juice and I am standing there in the spotlight…all I could say was…”I don’t feel like it right now” and smile. The congregation laughed. Hard. So yes they had ALL seen what was happening on stage. And I think this is maybe when God began to show me that how my kids choose to act in any given moment does not necessarily reflect me. It was humbling to say the least. Because all I really wanted was for my kids to stand there straight and nice and next to me like we had talked about and smile. I think that maybe the circus on the stage encouraged more people to pray for us while we were away. I am sure they thought we needed it!

    This is just one of many stories. But it is my biggest “humiliation” feeling moment I can think of right off hand.

    Again, thanks for sharing yours…that was fun to read!

  • Lorraine

    I too am another one of those people who have read your blog from start to finish, one night from 9pm to 4am, and I have yet to comment. What better day than today.

    I don’t have a specific story, but these are some of the things my kids have said to me, and if they have been in front of people you’d for sure see my blushing.

    “I can’t find my ‘such and such, mom cleaned the house!”

    When my kids see me cleaning the house they sometimes ask, “Mom, why are you cleaning the house, is someone coming over??”

    “Mom, why are we getting dressed, are we going somewhere?” (Heard a lot during the summer months.)

    My youngest, age 4, will be so proud of his clean room and be so excited to show it to me. He’ll say, “Look mom, I cleaned it just like you,” then I notice everything in his room was shoved into his closet!!

    One of the other many comments I hear is, “My mom doesn’t cook, she heats things up.” (I’m sure they were copying their dad, with that one.)

    I absolutely LOVE you blog. Keep it up. I can’t wait to read the book you right someday!!!!

  • mama2lsa

    When my daughter was 2 or 3 my husband took her to the restroom at Wal*Mart and they were at the sink washing their hands when a man comes out of the stall and walks past the sinks (w/o washing his hands) and my daughter says “Daddy, that man did not wash his hands, YUCKY!!!” In a very loud and disgusted tone. The man never turned around. Later, while still shopping my daughter points to a man and says (again very loudly and in a disgusted tone) “Mama that’s the man who didn’t wash his hands after going Pee Pee!!!”

    Crawl in a whole and never come out!

  • Bills Family

    We are stationed overseas and the only TV we watch is the military network…..well this summer my girls and I took a military hop to the states (my husband was deployed)… While we were at my parents house, I watched as much TLC, Discovery and cooking shows as I could! One day the babystory was on and I thought I should change the channel…girls are 6 and 4 and I thought they were too young to watch it. They begged me to not turn the channel, so I told them..”ok, this is how a baby is born, aka comes out of it’s mommy. Well since out return home, my girls have started “birthing” their baby dolls! At first I wasn’t sure what they were doing, but I finally caught on!! It is pretty funny, because they make the sounds and everything!!! Luckily they keep their clothes on…the baby is just pushed out their shirts:))

  • Megan

    Loved your story! I’m sure they’ll love telling it too as they get older:)

    We have been visiting different congregations for several months now looking for a new home church. What I’ve noticed is that some congregations are very laid back. The young kids are allowed to have snacks and toys in the auditorium and their “noise” is generally accepted and smiled upon. This story doesn’t take place in one of those churches. It takes place in one of the other kinds.

    We were in the middle of taking the Lord’s Supper. The small congregation was absolutely silent as they dwelled on Jesus’ crucifixion. Seriously, every other kid there was being quiet. I was struggling just to get my two year old son, Will, to sit down on the pew. Then, he passed gas as the bread plate was handed to me. It wasn’t very loud, so I simply smiled at him in a very understanding way. The following five minutes went like this:

    Will(in his regular, loud voice): Mommy, I pooped!
    Me(thinking): Oh wow, I can’t believe he just that out loud.
    Me: Ok, shhh… (with a patient smile)
    Will: Mommy, I pooped! I POOPED!
    Me(thinking): Oh, my goodness. Every single person in this room can hear him. Please don’t let this be happening right now.
    Me(in a whisper): Ok, that’s great, but close your mouth.
    Will: Change diaper?
    Me: Not right now, shhh…
    Will:I pooped. Stinky diaper.
    Me(praying to God):Lord, please let him shut up.
    Will: New diaper Mommy. I pooped.
    Me(in a firm whisper):You didn’t poop. Now HUSH!
    Will: Yes, I pooped Mommy!
    Me(Well, there’s no way we can join this congregation NOW! Will just singlehandedly redirected everyone’s thoughts from Jesus’ great sacrifice to his own toot.)
    I was mortified as this was clearly a reflection of my sagging parenting skills.

    I had a girl first. She has always been such a sweet and obedient little thing, which led me to believe I was a great parent. Then, my son was born, and I realized it wasn’t me.

    We’re still visiting around :)

  • Michele

    Love your stories!!!

    I began babysitting for a family that I had met at church. They had a five year old boy and a two year old girl. I was tucking in the five year old when he asked me if I was going to sleep there that night. Even though I wasn’t going to, I asked him where I would sleep. His answer was simple. With his dad!!!

    I was so embarrased, but it was one of those stories that you had to tell the parents :) Thankfully, I’m really good friends with the family now, and I don’t have to be embarrased telling the story!

  • heather

    Disney World. Crowded elbow-to-elbow restaurant for breakfast with my 3 year old daughter, 6 year old son, and 9 year old daughter. We squeezed ourselves around a table meant for 2 just for a place to eat.

    As we waited for my husband to get the food, I let the kids start on juice. My 3 year old eagerly guzzled it down, and my rule-keeper son who has had a few bad experiences with too much juice couldn’t handle it.

    “Mom,” he shouted. “Make her stop! She’s drinking too much! She’ll get diarrhea!”

    Before I could intervene, my spitfire 3 year old defended herself, “I am not!”

    “Yes you are! You’re going to get DIARRHEA!!”

    “I can get DIARRHEA if I want to get DIARRHEA, SAM!”

    “Mom! She wants to get DIARRHEA!!!”

    As the other diners turned pale and stopped eating, I quickly dragged my kids out of the restaurant, hoping my husband got the food to go and would find us.

  • ~Becky

    Okay, the sucker in me has been lured out of lurkdom. ;) As I’m sure most of us Mommies do, I have too many to pick from, so I’ll share one of my favorites, and also most recent moments with my 2.5 year old, Bree. Just like you, I enjoy jumping on those “teachable” moments, and the other day while driving, my 4 year old asked why is was so stinky out. So began the 20 minute conversation about farming and planting and growing AND fertilizing. She asked what that big word meant, so, I figured best be honest and told her the stink was from the cow poo that was used to help the crops crow. She was fascinated and continued on this topic for a few more minutes….unbeknownst to me, it seemed my 2.5 year old was silently taking notes. I found this out later that day, when the girls were playing outside and my oldest daughter ran inside and announced, “Mom, I’m afraid you have to see this.” Curiously, yet cautiously, I peeked my head out the back door to see my darling Bree…buck naked…squatting…in our garden…here’s the kicker-no joke…with a log half way on it’s way to fertilizing the plants. When she saw me and how high my eyebrows were raised at her, she simply replied, “To help the flowers grow Mommy!” Too bad my hubby had the camera that day for a project, it would have been a wedding keeper for sure! :P

  • Tim & Richelle

    As missionaries with 7 kids (#8 on the way), we’ve got tons of public humiliation stories – but I think the one where I was most embarassed is…

    We were home, in Michigan, on our furlough (we work on the edge of the Sahara Desert), living in one of our church’s missionary homes that is right across the street from the church and Christian school there. While on the field, because it is so hot and especially during the potty training phase, I’ll let whichever child is under the age of 2 or so run around in the nude – it is cooler, saves on laundry and that is what all the other little kids do, too. Of course, they learn to like that freedom and struggle a bit with remaining dressed while back in the States.

    But back to Michigan – it was drop off time for school, so there was tons of traffic passing by the house as parents were bringing their kids in to school for the day. All of the sudden, the phone rings. When I answer, it is my sister (who is dropping her kids off at the school), asking me if I knew that our almost 2 year old daughter was out playing in the front yard, totally naked, waving at all the cars. Of course I didn’t know! We weren’t even aware she could reach the chain lock on the front door to open it. And, did I mention that this was February, in Michigan, so there was snow all over the ground, too?

    Loved your story – thanks for sharing!

  • Tim & Richelle

    As missionaries with 7 kids (#8 on the way), we’ve got tons of public humiliation stories – but I think the one where I was most embarassed is…

    We were home, in Michigan, on our furlough (we work on the edge of the Sahara Desert), living in one of our church’s missionary homes that is right across the street from the church and Christian school there. While on the field, because it is so hot and especially during the potty training phase, I’ll let whichever child is under the age of 2 or so run around in the nude – it is cooler, saves on laundry and that is what all the other little kids do, too. Of course, they learn to like that freedom and struggle a bit with remaining dressed while back in the States.

    But back to Michigan – it was drop off time for school, so there was tons of traffic passing by the house as parents were bringing their kids in to school for the day. All of the sudden, the phone rings. When I answer, it is my sister (who is dropping her kids off at the school), asking me if I knew that our almost 2 year old daughter was out playing in the front yard, totally naked, waving at all the cars. Of course I didn’t know! We weren’t even aware she could reach the chain lock on the front door to open it. And, did I mention that this was February, in Michigan, so there was snow all over the ground, too?

    Loved your story – thanks for sharing!

  • kayasmom

    humiliating stories? I could write a book. The one that is coming to mind right now happened a few years ago when my daughter was 3. it was just she and I at our local Wal-Mart. I was trying on some new jeans, she went with me into the changing room. Of course, it was the one closest to the aisle. So, I’m changing and she starts yelling at the top of her lungs “I see your booty mama!! i see your booty!! Mama, what is this? is today nakie day at Wal-mart?” As I said, at the top of her lungs. All the while, I am trying to get her to be quiet, but secretly laughing ’cause it was pretty funny. And then I open the dressing room door to a group of men just looking at me. yikes….

  • kayasmom

    Angie, you never cease to leave me laughing!!! Humiliating stories? I could write a book! The one that comes to mind happened a few years ago when my daughter was 3. She and I were shopping at our local wal-mart when i took her into the dressing room with me to try on some new jeans. As I’m dressing, she starts yelling at the top of her lungs “I see your bootie mommy! haha, i see your bootie! What is this, nakie day at Wal-mart mama?!!” oh yeah, so funny. Especially when I opened the changing room doors to a group of men just laughing. priceless little princess……

  • All In The Family

    What a great story!

    Here’s mine:

    About 2 months ago my son, Aiden, was 3 1/2 at this time was having really loose stools. He was in the bathroom several times that day going #2. So much in fact that we just let him wear his underwear around the house (poor thing). After one particular trip to the bathroom he came into the living room where my MIL and I were chatting. Aiden started to dance around. Then it happened. He farted. And not just a normal fart, it literally sounded juicy! My mil and I looked at each other and we just knew what had happened! All of a sudden Aiden called out, “Oh no! I tooped!” LOL! We just died laughing while he waddled to the bathroom. (what a little smarty though for putting the two words toot and poop together!)

  • All In The Family

    I know that story wasn’t necessarily humilating but it’s still funny as they come so I had to share.

  • Brooklyns-mom

    OK, here is a childhood story that I will never forget. Just a little background, my father was and still to this day is a VERY conservative baptist preacher. I know the old saying preachers kids are the worst…well at times we can be. It was during a week of revival that my brother and I were in my parents room while all the grown ups were in the living room/kitchen talking between themselves. Us, being the creative thinkers that we were decided that the party would be much more fun if we had a water balloon fight. Who could resist that right?? So, my brother and I were looking for balloons…. finally after much looking, we found some, in individual packets…in the night stand of our parents bedroom :) They were condoms. Yep, we unwrapped those little balloons…trying to figure out what that horrible smell was…took them into the bathroom, filled them up with water, and put them in a basket. We decided that two of the deacons kids, who will remain nameless, should play hot potato with us and the water balloons. The only problem was, it was dark outside, so we decided to do it indoors. So there we were in all our glory bringing our “condom balloons” into the living room and played hot potato with the visiting pastor, who was really really old….about 50 or so. Keep in mind I’m probably 7 years old at the time, so 50 was ancient. I asked the preacher to catch… and I tossed the balloon up in the air towards our visiting pastor. The look on my dad’s face was….priceless. He couldn’t say anything…nor did he need to. We knew we were in “deep do do” then. That was one of my brothers favorite phrases. My dad picked up the condom balloon that had burst all over the couch…grabbed us by the arms and proceeds to take us into the bathroom to have a little talk. Just then my brother bursts out…”The devil made me do it, the devil made me do it!” So much laughter filled the house my dad couldn’t really do much but laugh himself. Of course, later that evening we were told to NEVER go into our parents room without permission. Not until much later in life did I realize what we had done to my poor dad. The Condom Balloon revival….one revival that always stands out in my mind.

  • Life is Love

    I just thought of the funniest story about my oldest daughter. About a year ago, we attempted to do a yard sale to help her raise money to go to a gymnastics camp for a week in Tennessee. My sister-in-law who is extremely neat was doing this with us. At one point, I looked at my daughter and noticed she had a stain on her shorts. I was like, “Aww, Man.” And then I told her we would just have to Shout them out. (with Shout). Very loudly in front of all of our customers, my daughter yelled, “I’VE GOT STAINS.” I think my sister-in-law about rolled on the ground. We had to explain laundry technique. LOL

  • Lori

    Hi Angie. I have been reading your site for awhile now and love it…just so ya know. You inspire me.
    Anyway, here’s my story:
    When my oldest daughter was 2 I had to take her to a cardiologist to evaluate a heart murmur (nothing serious thank God). Anyway when he lifted her shirt to listen to her heart she pointed at her little boobs and said “I have little boobies”. The doctor just smiled. Then she turned around and pointed at me and said “but Mommy, she has big boobies” (said with all the drama she could muster). At that point the cardiologist (a man) turned every shade of red and his intern that was standing behind him looked at me with this do-we-laugh-or-cry look on her face. I cracked up and we all had a very good laugh over that one. And my daughter just stood there smiling at her work. It was classic.

  • gillian

    I am pregnant with my second child and my 4 1/2 year old son had told us that he knew it was a boy because he had asked God for a brother. I talked to him about how sometimes God gives us what we need, not what we want and that he might need to be a big brother to a little sister. Well about a week later he came to me and said that God had TOLD him it was a boy while he was lying in his bed the night before. So fast forward to our ultrasound visit and the tech said “It’s a GIRL” my sweet little Owen said to her “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING, GOD TOLD ME IT WAS A BOY!”

  • Bestestmommie

    WOW I just found your blog where a a friend had posted yours in her list (billsfamily96.blogspot.com/). NICE!
    There are so many stories, but my nephew comes to mind. My sister told my young nephew, Justin, to straighten up his room/dresser top. Well, he was soooo proud of himself. He brought his Mom to his room and showed her how he had dusted and lined up all the things on the top of his dresser, just like little tin soldiers. My sister praised Justin and then went to touch an item on the dresser only to find out he had GLUED all the items to the top the dresser. Of course my sister wasn’t angry, but was she shocked! It was military furniture and luckily she was able to remove all of it and clean the glue away.

  • Tracy

    My son was 3 at the time and we went to visit my brother-in-law and his wife. They lived about 14 hours away at the time so they had come for a visit and were at his in-laws. My in-laws and grandparent-in-laws were also there. So it was quite a few people visiting. I am a nurse so I try to teach my children the correct word for certain parts of their anatomy. My son at the time had learned the word testicals. Well as we sat at the table eating my son pointed to my husband and called him “test” and then looked at me, pointed, and called me “icals”. I could have crawled under the table. I just chalked it up to my nursing background and the importance of teaching the proper words and not the other “not so pretty” words out there. And I assured them he did call us mom and dad and not that!

  • demp5

    Here is a another little story to add – we were sitting around the dinner table playing a game like Taboo with our children, parents, and in-laws. Our 10 year old son had the word “itch”, so this was his clue – “Our Daddy ALWAYS has a TERRIBLE case of this. It is jock ______”. Let’s just say, that was more than our parents or in-laws wanted to know, and we have since received some anti-fungal creme in the mail.

  • Bestestmommie

    Okay, here is one about my son, Michael. When he was very young, like most children Michael liked to snuggle and lay his head on me. Well, on this particular occassion we were out in public waiting with others, Michael layed his head on me and suddenly decided to, as he put it “fluff” my breast just like a pillow. What do you do, but turn red and laugh. Being a larged busted woman it is difficult to hide the fact. From then on he proceeded to tell others my breast were his personal pillows and thought he should be allowed to “fluff” them. How embarassing!

  • Erin

    You’ve got a tough job judging all these Angie. There are sure some doosies! Here’s mine:

    Kaylee, my very sassy five year-old daughter was out and about with me one morning. We ran into a gal that went to school and graduated with my husband. She looks at Kaylee and says to her, “You look just like your dad.” Kaylee very matter-of-factly replies, “Not with my clothes off.”

    Normally I’m the one that opens mouth, inserts foot. I’m not sure what you call it when your child does it for you. Anyhow, it’s made for some good laughs ever since.

  • Lisa D :)

    I have raised 3 sons and have plenty funny (and not so funny stories), but today want to just say I am thrilled to hear how well your speaking engagement went and so very happy that you not only survived it but did so well AND enjoyed it. God is truly so GOOD!
    Also, I have been reading through the comments and am laughing so hard that I’m crying! Thanks so much for being so real Angie — your blog is one of my favorite places to go online. Bless you!

  • Ginger Resta

    ""Update" – I figured out how to do this!

    Hi Angie -
    Sorry to email you but I couldn't figure out how to post my comment! I'm not computer savoy!

    But I did want to share – it just tickled my heart with joy when it happened! Hope it brings a smile/ laugh to your face as well!

    My family and I had the privilege/ honor to attend one of our friends wedding this past Sunday morning before church service. And on the way to church, I was explaining to the kids where we were going and that we needed to be quiet & respectful during the ceremony. I then was asked by our son, Nathan, what is a wedding?
    So, I started to share that it's about two people desiring to become husband and wife. That he would see this beautiful bride in a white gown going down the isle to meet her groom. And when the bride would get to her groom – they would exchange their vows. (And here is comes……)

    He then, looked at me with a puzzled look and asked (and I quote) "You mean they are going to say there A,E, I, O, U's to each other??????" And there you go…. I'm wondering if my "southern accent" played a part in that???

    Blessings -

  • Jami

    That was Hilarious!! My embarassing/funny kid story…My 2 year old son and his 3 year old cousin were standing together in a booth at a very crowded restaurant. They were laughing and playing as all children do, and the people in the restaurant were watching them because they were kinda loud. They had quieted down and everyone else had quieted down too. Then almost in stereo both boys started screaming my wee wee…my wee wee and laughing. The entire restaurant started pointing and laughing at the boys. We were totally embarassed.

  • AJ

    I cannot stop laughing at that story. Thanks for sharing .. God has a way of lauging back at us sometimes .. doesn’t he !

    I don’t have any kids, but here is a funny story that happened to me while I was helping my aunt out one week.

    When my aunt had her second baby I went and stayed with her for a week or so to help out.

    My little cousin (who was three) was not to proud of his new sister and had picked up some “bad words”.

    After giving him warnings and time out time the “bad words” continued.

    So .. as a last ditch effort to get him to stop we washed his mouth out with soap.

    For a week we gave him warnings followed by “a soap washing” if he didn’t stop saying the “bad words”.

    On Sunday we were getting ready to go to church when my aunt dropped the flat iron on her foot and let a “bad word” slip.

    Next thing I know .. my little cousin comes running to me yelling “Get the soap mommy said a bad word and that means a soap washing.”

    To provide the example we had worked so hard at .. We washed my aunts mouth with soap.

    He provided us with a good dose laughter and humbleness.

  • Tracie

    That is the hardest I have laughed in a REALLY long time. My husband came into the bedroom to check on me because it sounded like I was gasping for air. I was! :)

  • Lorri

    Angie…just a note to say how very proud I am of you for doing something that was scary. Clearly, you are walking holding his hand in love and obedience. May He richly bless you!

    Love, Lorri

  • Lauren

    While I don’t have kids of my own yet, I’ve nannied enough that I have some stories! I used to sit for a family with twin girls. They had people over for dinner when the girls were probably about three. When the girls were done eating, they went to play in the living room. Well, when the adults had finished dinner, they found that the girls had spread peanut butter over EVERYTHING… themselves, the furniture, the curtains, etc.

    As a side note, I saw the sticks at Target up here in Michigan on Sunday. They made me laugh :)

    I’m so glad your speaking gig went well and I can’t wait to see you up here on the 23rd!

    Lauren

  • Susan

    Ok, you talked me into it! I’ll share. :)
    My daughter Kaliyan is 2, and she LOVES prunes. A few months ago we were grocery shopping and I remembered we were out of them. Kaliyan was sitting in the cart and saw me add the prunes to our growing pile of groceries. Knowing my daughter, and how much she loves them, I put the prunes at the BACK of the cart, furthest from her little hands. I THOUGHT I would avoid disaster.
    I had forgotten how loud and screechy she can be. Especially in a large public place. Now, if she were just screaming, “I want some prunes!!” I would not have been QUITE so embarrassed. But I had also forgotten what Kaliyan calls prunes. Sigh… I blame her father for this… But she calls them “POOP”. Yes, her darling daddy told her that if she eats them it will help her poop, and somewhere in her little 2 year old brain, the words are mixed up and she calls the prunes “poop”.

    So its not pretty.

    She is screaming, “I WANT SOME POOP!!! I WANT SOME POOP!!!” Loudly enough for most of the store to hear.

    I am probably scarlet, and try to avoid the questioning stares, but got a really astonished look from another customer when I turned the corner (thinking I was in the clear) and a lady overheard me saying, “Not now, wait until we get home!”

    Thankfully, nobody called social services…

    Anyone have an extra wig?

    Susan
    MN

  • Amy V

    Here’s a pretty funny story that happened last week: My sister was visiting and my 8yr old daughter, Anna, was watching her wash her face. She noticed her auntie’s deodarant and asked her if she knew that there was deodarant for kids. My sister said she didn’t know that. Anna proclaimed proudly, “well, I don’t need it yet though!” My sis said, “well, I’m sure you don’t!…but, how do you know when you do need it?!” Anna responded as if this were the most natural resonse in the world: “because I don’t have any “PITS” yet!! Trying to hold back a laugh, her auntie asks..”well, how do you know when you get ‘pits?’” To which my wonderful daughter replied, “because they’ll get all sweaty and smelly!” …..Please, this is NOT an indication of her auntie OR her mother!! :)

  • Amy V

    Here’s a pretty funny story that happened last week: My sister was visiting and my 8yr old daughter, Anna, was watching her wash her face. She noticed her auntie’s deodarant and asked her if she knew that there was deodarant for kids. My sister said she didn’t know that. Anna proclaimed proudly, “well, I don’t need it yet though!” My sis said, “well, I’m sure you don’t!…but, how do you know when you do need it?!” Anna responded as if this were the most natural resonse in the world: “because I don’t have any “PITS” yet!!” Trying to hold back a laugh, her auntie asks..”well, how do you know when you get ‘pits?’” To which my wonderful daughter replied, “because they’ll get all sweaty and smelly!” …..Please, this is NOT an indication of her auntie OR her mother!! :)

  • Tricia

    Husband and I had put our daughter McKinley in speech therapy – her speech wasn’t all that bad – but she did need some help with some sounds. Well, one night McKinley comes to me and tells me that she can speak “well.” – I say of course you can sweetheart – we aren’t putting you in speech because you can’t speak well, we just want to help you a little – as I am rambling – she says – momma – do you want to hear it – I say sure, hear what? How I can speak well. – Oooh, ooh – (like a whale) – she says she learned it from Diego – I thought I was damaging her for life yet – she knew she could speak (well and whale) – my speech pathology friend has told this story to many of her students at college –
    enjoy – I so love being a momma!!!

  • padillafamily

    I had to do a wellness exam for insurance purposes recently. I am a teacher and it was over my summer break. I was about 8 months pregnant at the time and wasn’t sure what the results would show anyway, but I had to do it for my insurance. I took my then three year old with me…always an event in itself. They drew a little blood, checked my weight, checked my blood pressure which was probably a little high due to my child jumping on the scale while it was being taken, and then send me to the bathroom with a cup to pee in. “Oh my goodness, was all that I could think to myself…I am going to have to take my child into the stall with me and pee in this cup. No telling what he is going to say.” So, we trekked down the long hall to the bathroom, (this was at our school district’s support center and the bathrooms were not close by the testing room). I sat down to take care of my business at hand and quickly distracted little Jakob with the sign on the door which I quickly realized could bring about an unwanted conversation in itself because it was a picture of a skunk reminding people to flush the toilet…I mean really??? They have to remind adults of that stuff. GROSS! Jakob was asking about the skunk and why he had a clothespin on his nose and why there was steam coming up from him. There were two other people in stalls around us—NOT DOING THE WELLNESS EXAM! They did not have any idea why I was in there, but Jakob quickly gave them the hint when he caught a glimpse of the cup of urine! He said, “What is that juice mama?” “It’s not juice Jakob.” “Are you going to drink that?” “No..I am not going to drink it.” “Well, what is it then?” “It is tee tee buddy.” Well, why did you tee tee in that cup?” “Because I am doing a test for the doctor.” “Well what do you have to do with it?” “I have to take it back to the room we just came from and give it to the people.” “Well, what are they going to do with it?” “They are going to run a test on it and make sure that every thing is ok.” I heard snickers from the stalls occupied next to ours and could not get out of that bathroom fast enough! After washing up, I then faced the fun task of walking down the long hallway back to the room with my urine cup in my hand and redirecting a very wild three year old boy all the way down the hall who was running, sliding on the floor, sliding down the walls, etc. I am surprised that I didn’t spill it every where along the way as it was sloshing every where while I was trying to get his sweet little hand to walk with me. In the meantime, I was seeing all of my colleagues in their offices. GREAT FUN!!! :) Needless to say, the remainder of our pre natal doctor’s visits warrantied much more conversation about peeing in a cup! AAAHHH!!! Out of the mouth of babes…

  • Ingrid

    Angie, I love reading your blog. You make me laugh and cry and on more than one occasion I’ve had one of my kids walk in and wonder what’s wrong (I’m either sitting at the computer tears running down my face or sitting there laughing like I’m in on some inside joke)

    When my oldest daughter was just over 2 and the second oldest was a newborn, getting ready for church was usually hectic for this new mom. One Sunday morning things were going pretty darned good. Everyone was dressed, fed, hair brushed, etc. and out the door on time.
    We get to church and because we’re on time, we can actually sit near the front (not all the way up front, but closer than usual). My 2year old, wanting to see everything that what was going on
    proceeds to stand up in the pew and bends over to hold onto the pew in front of us. Imagine my shock when the lady behind me informs me that my cute little girl is mooning the entire back half of the church. Yep, beneath her frilly, cute Sunday dress she did not have on her underpants!

    Dh and I now have 6 kids and we no longer sit in the front at church LOL! j/k!!! I got better at checking to make sure that everyone was really ready before heading out the door :)

  • Liz

    What a gifted writer you are whether it is pouring out your heart or telling funnies!!

    Ok – here goes – I can’t believe I am repeating this again. I think I may have never been so embarrassed!! I was at my 36 wk appt. with my 4th child and my babysitter fell through for my them 3 yr old son. So, rather than canceling I decided to bring him along and bribe him to be good while he was in the exam room. So when the Dr. comes in he starts doing his sticker book and eating his puch pop and all is going well. My Dr. reminds me that we have the strep culture that day – so she moves my son’s chair so his view is obstructed and we get goin. Of course he picks this very moment to decide the activities I brought him are not as much fun so just as the Dr. pulls out the culture on the cotton swab, my son in horror asks when I let the Dr. clean my but with a q-Tip when I always say they are just for ears. The Dr. starts cracking up and I turn about 8 shades of red. Horrible!! Oh and you can bet that when my husband was talking to the kids about their day at dinner, that this story was repeated by my son.

    Gotta love kids and the things they do to knock us down a peg or two!!!!

    Liz

  • Becca Sports

    Angie-I love the way you make me laugh! I also love God’s sense of humor at times. I’ve had a few lessons like that in my life.

    I have a couple fun things below that my kids have done. Having 4 girls in 4 years leads to some very challenging moments, but also some hilarious events.

    1) Abigail (my now 5 year old) last year asked us in the van, “Why isn’t there enough snow to go sledding?” This was after a million questions that she asked us around town so I answered, “You’ll have to ask God why He didn’t send enough snow.” She immediately prays and asks God why He didn’t send enough snow. After 30 seconds she said, “He didn’t answer me. Why didn’t He answer me?” How do you answer that?

    2)Grace (now 4) last year saw me pick up baby scissors for cutting baby’s fingernails. She didn’t know they were used for that. She then saw me pick up baby Sophia and she said, “NO Mama, don’t cut up baby Sophia!!!”

    3)We were at I think Target using the bathroom. I crammed all 5 of us (including the shopping cart-so I didn’t have to balance holding a baby and lifting kids on the toilet) in the handicapped bathroom. There was someone in the stall next to us and they let out a huge “toot” and my girls all said, “excuse you” and started giggling. I couldn’t wait to get out of that bathroom. We had been working on manners, I guess I needed to add to that list. :)

  • the*4*of*us

    A friend of mine’s grandmother isn’t doing too well and not expected to live much longer.
    On a recent visit with her kids to see grandmother, as they were leaving her 4 y/o said “well, you’re getting pretty old and you probably won’t be around next time we come over, so I better tell you by now”! Fortunately I don’t think the grandmother heard all that he said!

  • kjames106

    Hi Angie,

    Can you please pray for this family with us? They are going through a similar terrifying time.

    http://sgirl79.blogspot.com/

    Thank you so much for your support. I hope this is ok?

  • Richard and Becky

    Thanks Angie for sharing! I have been in tears laughing so hard reading all these stories.

    I have one that I would like to share. I have two sons and our first son became very interested in potty training at 15 months. We didn’t take him too seriously, but at this point he started noticing the difference between boys and girls. We told him what his private part was called, but decided that he didn’t need to know the actual name for the female part. We just left it at “Boys have a penis and girls don’t”. He did cry when he would see me using the bathroom wondering what happened to my penis, but accepted this fact and that was that.

    When he was 2 1/2 and his little brother was not quite 1, I took them to Wendys for lunch. It was a beautiful day, the parking lot was packed, and everyone’s windows were rolled down as they waited to go through the drive through. I parked and decided to brave the trip indoors by myself. I got him out of his carseat and had him wrap his arms around my leg while I unstrapped his brother so I knew where he was. He laid his head on my crotch and pulled back violently while asking (rather loudly of course) where my penis was. Knowing my son, I decided it was ok to use the proper term for the female part since he would only keep asking if I didnt. I leaned down and whispered that I did not have a penis but that my private part was called a vagina. At the top of his lungs he shouted, “You have a BAGINA??? You have a BAGINA???

    While trying not to drop my second child, wet my pants from crying, and get us inside, I told my oldest that we were done talking about this and it was not appropriate for Wendys. We could discuss it later. Once inside I ordered my food and asked my son what he would like and he matter-of-factly told the poor 16 year old boy behind the counter “my mom had a bagina and I would like chicken nuggets”. I am sure I will never forget the look on that poor boys’ bright red face when he said “ummm….ummm do you want fries with that?

  • Rmanning

    This is my first time commenting, but I have followed you blog for a while. Thank you for being such an inspiriation to us all.

    I have a funny kids story to share. My husband and I have four children, three boys and one girl. We are always trying to find new ways to spend quality time together without breaking the bank. About 4 years ago, when my son Anthony was three, my husband and I decided to teach our older two how to play some card games. We decided to teach them Gin Rummy, as it’s fairly easy, and fun. After a few nights of playing Gin Rummy with them, Anthony wanted to learn how to play. My husband taught him how to play, and he caught right on – as well as a three year old could. He asked my husband and I if he could get his own set of “Gin” cards as he called them, so he could practice. I told him that the next time we were at the store, I would get him his own set of cards.

    Fast forward a week or so later. I was grocery shopping at Wal-Mart. It was a sunday after Church, so it was P-A-C-K-E-D!!! Anthony was with me and sitting in the front of the shopping cart. At the check out display, Anthony saw a deck of cards, and started pulling on my shirt trying to get my attention, all the while saying “Mom, Mom, Mom”. I ignored him as I was talking with a Church friend. All of a sudden, Anthony yells out at the top of his lungs “Mom!! You promised me you would buy me my own Gin the next time we were at the store….Can I please get my own Gin Mommy…..Please!!!” I immediately knew he was talking about the cards, but the other people around me though otherwise. I was mortified, knowing that everyone thought I gave my son Gin. Needless to say we left in a hurry!

  • Kandy

    Hello Angie,

    I have been reading your blog for sometime now. I have a friend who introduced me to it while you were expecting Audrey. I have been touched by your words many times over the past months.

    I would like to share a Mommy Moment with you. I am the lucky mother of four children ages 10, 6, 5 and 3. I am fortunate to stay home with them so it seems that often they are my only human interaction. I would like to share with you something that happened 5 years ago but it has stayed with me since. It was a typical morning. Hurry and get the kids dressed so that we could head out the door to whatever I had on the agenda that day. I sent my oldest, who was five years old, into his room to get dressed. A few minutes later I came to check on him and found hime wearing his undies, spitting (yes, spitting) behind a reading pillow on the floor. I was shocked and disqusted. How many spit spots did he have in the house? Was this an everyday occurance that I was just now discovering? You can imagine what other thoughts were racing through my mind. I believe I probably let out some sort of shocked cry which immediately got his attention. Then I said “You better pray I cool down before I decide your consequence.” And I left the room giving him instructions to get dressed as I went in search of supplies to clean up the carpet. I returned a few minutes later, hoping to find him dressed. (This would have been to his benefit in the final decision of consequence.) However, to my dismay, I entered his room and he was still standing where I left him in his undies. I believe at this point I yelled at him. What was he doing? We had someplace to be. I asked (OK, probably not too nicely) “What are you doing? You should be dressed.” But Aaron wouldn’t answer. I believe that I had scared him with my previous reactions. Finally he answered. “I was just praying.” Now this got my attention. “What were you praying about?” I asked. Aaron answered, “I was just praying that you would cool down.” My words came back to haunt me. I smiled and gave Aaron a hug. Then we prayed together. There was no other consequence for Aaron that day, but I sure learned a lesson. I am thankful to God that He can use our children to teach us.

    Raising kids in South Dakota,
    Kandy

  • Kelley with Amy’s Angels

    I’m so glad your speech went well! Public speaking is not easy, but I’m proud of you!

    Well, I don’t have kids, but I can share a babysitting story.

    When I was in high school (long, long ago), I was sitting for a family with 2 kids. Cassie was 4 and Brandon was 3. At the time, their routine was to quiet down before bedtime with a movie. The movie of choice was The Little Mermaid.

    Brandon LOVED this movie. He would sing the songs outloud and would dance around (so much for being “calm” before bed, eh?).

    One day, I get a call from Cassie and Brandon’s mom. She says, “Kelley, I have a question. I’m a little concerned because Brandon keeps running around the house, doing a chest shake and saying ‘body language’. Can you share with me where Brandon may have learned that?”

    I had to think and think on this (while the phone was dead silent) and I said, “OH! That’s from The Little Mermaid when the Ursela swims through the ocean, shakes her chest and says ‘body language’”

    The mom apologized and said, “I’m so sorry…I thought you taught the kids that. I guess that movie will be put aside for a while.”

    I was so embarrased that she thought I taught Brandon how to do that, that I turned down babysitting jobs for at least a month!

    No hard feelings, though and I soon started sitting for them again, even to the point where I would sit for them when I was home on weekends from college!

  • Dana

    One day I was shopping at a discount store where the aisles are fairly small. Walking down one of the aisles, a “larger” lady was coming toward us and I knew we wouldn’t both fit. I squeezed over as much as I could and she barely made it through. Before she could even get a few steps away, my 2 year old blurted out, “Mama, that Mama was REALLY big!” (At the time, everyone was either a Mama or a Daddy) I didn’t know who was more embarassed- me or her! I felt terrible! Thanks for sharing your story- I laughed out loud when I came to the “punchline!”

  • Russell

    Angie…your blog is so inspirational. My husband and I recently had a miscarriage. I was devastated but found hope in God’s word.
    On the other hand this blog was hysterical. I don’t have any children so no funny stories however I will forever be haunted by maxi pads. We were staying with a couple of friends of ours with our 2 puppies. We left them at their house while we went out for breakfast. When we returned we noticed they had ate toilet paper, kleenex, maxi pads, diapers, and whatever else they could find in the trash. Pieces were scattered all over there floor. I was horrified but completely grossed out. To make matters worse we spent the rest of the day standing outside in the rain while they used the “facilities” and vomited up what they ate. We all know when those products get wet they expand and get fluffy. So we left their backyard full of fluffy “clouds” as their daughter said.

  • Heidi Evans

    That was a funny story! God has a way of humbling us!!!

    Well I was cleaning and my son kept bothering me and So I told him, “honey please let mommy clean she is really working her tail off today”
    About an hour later he came back with a picture of me and I had a long tail. I was like why did you draw me with a tail. And he said “well because you said you working your tail off!!”

  • Sunni

    My funny kid story just happened last week with my niece. She and my nephew had just gone insane and I told them they had to just sit down a while. I made Luke sit in a chair on one side of the room and Madyson sit on the couch on the other side of the room.

    After I folded laundry I went to sit with them and talk.

    Mistake.

    Madyson played 20 questions with me to figure out why I made them sit in time out. I explained to her that I had heard enough and that while they were on my watch, they would sit there and not move until they could act right.

    She remembered my being sick back around Easter and my mother left her with me long enough to go to the grocery store to buy some juice and other needed “sick items.” This made her feel important and in charge.

    Madyson: Remember when I was in charge.

    Me: Yes. That was then though and I’m in charge today.

    Madyson: Well, you will get the diarrhea again and when you do, I’ll be in charge.

    To clarify the situation in which she is referring. For three weeks back in March and April I suffered from a severe allergic reaction to an oil based paint my office used while remodeling. I had no voice for two of those weeks. I was placed on paid administrative leave for a little over one week and so she thought she took care of me that week.

    There was no diarrhea.

    Me: Madyson, I didn’t have diarrhea. I had an allergic reaction to something. I wasn’t even technically physically sick.

    Madyson: Well, you will still have diarrhea one day and when you do, I’m going to spank you the same way you always spank us.

    Lord, please don’t let me get sick. That whole scripture about vengeance being the Lord’s doesn’t appeal to her. She’s more about handling that herself I think.

  • Shannon

    When my son was 2, I had lost a considerable amount of weight and was starting to feel “sexy” again. So I started wearing Thongs. I was getting ready for work one morning, trying to get dressed and ready to walk out the door before Jordan woke up. I clearly remember being in front of the mirror putting on my make up, with my shirt and underwear on when he walked in the room. He was just a baby so I didn’t think anything about it. I just said “Good morning Jordan” I was waiting on his sweet voice to reply with “Good Morning Mommy” or something to that effect. Nope. All I heard was,
    “Mommy”
    “Yes Jordan”
    “Something is wrong wit yous underwears”

    At this point I hadn’t realized that I was wearing a thong, still doing my makeup.
    “What did you say Jordan?”
    Something is wrong wit yous underwears… Where are the rest of them?”
    I turned beet red, and the only thing I could think of was to tell him there was a hole in them. His only response was “That is a big hole in yous underwear Mommy.”
    Needless to say, that was the last time I ever did my makeup with no pants on.

  • skye

    Too Funny!!!

    My oldest daughter is 4, and she chooses to embarrass me at Wal-Mart mostly.
    I was buying various items a few months ago, and was in the shaving aisle. You know, for razors.
    She asked me what it was, and what it was for – all the innocent questions we expect from four-year-olds.

    We went thru the store, and got to the check-out line. I didn’t think our conversation about razors was still in her little noggin. Until she asked (LOUDLY): “So, mommy, you use those sharp razors to get that hair off down there?” And she proceeds to point to her girly parts.

    I was mortified. Luckily, the cashier didn’t pass judgment.
    And I’ve never run to my car so fast in my life!

  • Tabitha

    My sister in law taught at a Baptist School and my neice was in preschool there. We still don’t know exactly where she got it but she would go up to her teachers, principals, and everyone else at the school pull down her pants some and say “crack attack”. FOUR YEARS OLD? I thought my sister in law was going to flip a lid when they came to her about it.

  • Robyn

    Ok we were playing at Chic-fil-a and a homeless man came in and sat down with some coffee. My 3 year old came out of the playground to yell at us (and everyone else), “Hey, look, it’s the big bad wolf.” I will admit he had very long brown hair and very long brown beard and you could hardly see his face. Though we explained later and thankfully the man didn’t seem to think she was talking about him, I did agree he looked a little wolfish-

    Aren’t kiddos great!

  • Sue

    I used to take my four children to the upscale mall to see Santa, because locally he was know as the “real” Santa. He was incredible. Beautiful white long hair that was professionally curled and styled. A red velvet suit. A shirt with ruffles down the front – even ruffles on his sleeves! We are very middle class ordinary people and very out of place at a mall that had Saks as an anchor store. Talk about pride. I felt out of place enough with my children in their matching sweatshirts we had painted. (remember that craze?) Other children were wearing dresses that cost $200 dollars. They were amazing. This Santa was so famous, so you had to wait a really long time just to get a ticket with a number so you knew when to come back. Santa went on a break and we waited some more. An elf (teenage girl) was minding the line of people and my 7 ear old boy asked where Santa went on his breaks. She had a ready answer. He goes to the roof to feed the reindeer. My third child who was three and a half had been staring at the beautiful Santa before he left on his break. She was always my quiet pensive child. She must have thought the elf was there just to answer questions for curious children. She was my shy child, never talking to strangers. But that day I guess her curiosity got the best of her. I guess she was thinking of Santa’s beaurtiful hair and his ruffles, but she asked the elf, in front of the crowds, “Does Santa have a penis?” I almost stopped breathing. I then realized with his hair and ruffles she was not sure if that was a man or woman. My four kids are now 18 – 26 but that is one of their favorite stories. My husband and I are both in the medical field and always used “correct” terminology with the children. It made it more funny to me that we were in such a hotsy totsy place and she was so innocent.
    I am so very proud of you! What courage it takes to step out in faith in obedience!
    You are such a blessing to me!
    Sue

  • Trena

    My Story…Several years ago my husband and I were renting an older home from an uncle. The living room was nice with a fireplace..but had that yucky old paneling on the walls. One day while I was at work, my husband calls me and says “You need to get home asap before I murder our child!” Ok.. I agree…he was being a little extreme but he was pretty upset! Seems that he had laid down on the bed to get our youngest child to sleep for a nap. Well, he had drifted off too until our oldest who was about 4 at the time came into the bedroom and kindly asked for his help… Help to get a splinter out of his finger. After getting the splinter out and as our child was walking out of the bedroom my husband asked: “Son, where did you get a splinter at”??? Blake tells him so innocently that as he was hammering holes in the livingroom walls…he got a splinter! Yes.. I did say hammering holes in the wall. Oh, and not just in ONE spot… Two and three here…. Five and six there.. ALL OVER THE ENTIRE ROOM. I believe it was at that point my husband lost it and then called me at work. What could I do?? I was at work! Hope this story allows you to have a “giggle” today. And to this day I am STILL wondering how my husband did not hear him hammering all those holes in the wall! :)

  • Emily Emrick

    my 2 1/2 year old son is currently fascinated with his “privates”. My husband works at a construction equipment sales company – so machines are the new big thing for my little guy. He has made some very interesting comments combining the two, his first being “Daddy, my pribates go up like a fork lift” (we laughed for days about that one). Just 2 days later he was telling my husband about his anatomy and said “Daddy, this is my pribates, and this is my bum…baby has 2 bums” (talking about my 10 month old daughter). Never really thought of it that way, but I could see how his mind went there. Gotta love a child’s mind!!

  • Amanda

    Glad to hear that you survived your speaking engagement!!!!

    You have given me a good laugh and at the perfect time!!! Last night there was very little sleep for me because of storms here in Little Rock and on top of that we have squirrels in the eves of the house…so every few minutes through the night I was getting up and using the broom handle to hit the wall of ceiling so I could get a few minutes of peace to hopefully get to sleep before it set back in at the scratching.

    Your blog has truly blessed me and I love to see the way God is bringing you through all that has been going on. I have also started reading Greg and Nicol’s blog.

    I pray for you and your whole family all the time…I cannot imagine what you all have been through and are going through with losing two sweet babies withing such a short time.

    I feel like I have been a part of your family for awhile now and maybe sometime I will actually get to meet you face to face!!!!

    Love you guys and will continue to pray!!!

  • Amanda

    So, I just posted but I didn't even mention any stories…I do not have kids of my own but there are plenty of stories that can be told on my nieces and nephew.

    With my nieces when it was time to potty train Macy (the oldest one) her mom and dad decided that we would do a "potty dance & song" anytime she went to the potty instead of having an accident in her diaper. So, there were many occasions that we would all be together and after Macy went to potty she would make everyone do the potty dance and song. That was all fine and good dancing around family members houses singing "Peepeed in the potty, peepeed in the potty" but when you are out at Target and you have to make a run to the bathroom with your niece in tow that is a different story all together!!! Because she thinks that it is 100% ok and completely natural to dance through the aisles singing "peepeed in the potty" after Aunt Manda used the potty!!!

    YIKES!!!!

  • Kristen

    I can go one further than that Angie!! Last night at the taping of the Casting Crowns Christmas Special, the artists graciously mingled with the audience for photos and autographs after the performance. My little ones really wanted an autograph from Mark Hall, but I did not have anything to write on. My 5 year old, Jack, rummaged through my purse and proudly handed Mark an Always Ultra Thin (still in the package, thank goodness) and a black sharpie. I prayed that the floor I was standing on would open up and swallow me right there! I’m sure we will look back and laugh in a few years. Luckily, the couple that accompanied us to the show left before we did!

    Kristen

  • Patrice

    Too funny, tons of laughs!!

    When we were potty training our middle son, my dad thought it would be easy to teach him to go outside and pee like real men do!! Which at the time worked great becuase Bradley loved to run outside to do his bisiness and potty training was a breeze, UNTIL!!!

    When Opry Land Theme Park was still in business and we took a family day to have some fun, Bradley decided that instead of taking time out of his fun day to actually use a bathroom, he ran off the ride, dropped his drawers and pee’d on a tree!! Of course to our horror we could not get to him quickly enough and roars of laughter started from on-lookers, which made bradley very excited to which he thought….Yay, I’m such a good boy! What a proud moment for us a parents!!

    I wish I had more time, becuase I would love to mention Bradley’s love with his fashion statement of underware and farm boots in public!! Another funny story for another funny time!!

    Love your blog!

  • April

    My husband Allen loves to pick up people on the side of the road. My children have become use to it and just talk to the people like they are family.

    The other day we were on our way to a park and I decided I really was not feeling up to it. I ask my husband to take me home. On the way home we saw a guy looking at his car like he wanted to kick it!! I said after you drop me off go back and get him. They went back to find the guy and he got in the car and they headed to the gas station. Allen was just talking to him finding out his story and my three year old son Aaron kept asking if he could speak to him. My husband introduced Aaron to the guy and this is what my sweet little boy said “Mr. my mommy is not with us right now because she wanted to go home. Her bottom is bleeding very bad!!” Allen said he just froze and said OK, Lord what do I say now?? The guy just tried not to laugh and Allen said well, you know, it’s that time of the month!! He said the guy could barely look at him anymore.

    I was so glad I was not in the van!!

    I have never commented before, but really enjoy looking at your blog when I get a chance :)
    I have three children; Addie 5, Aaron 3 and Audrey Nella 13 months.

    Thanks for sharing such a funny and humbling moment.

    All to Him I owe,
    April

  • Stephanie Jennings

    After reading your blog, my one and only wish is that my two boys never find my “products”! Kids have a nice way of making us human again, don’t they?

    It’s kind of hard choosing a most embarrassing moment, because there seem to be so many, but the first one that pops in my mind happened two summers ago. I was about six months pregnant when my oldest was potty training. My best friend (who was unmarried and had no kids) was in town for our 10 year high school reunion. The three of us decided to go to the store for food supplies for the long weekend. I asked Ben before we left if he had to go potty, he said “No”. I took him in to try anyway, but he truly didn’t have to go. So, we did our shopping and an hour later we were walking out to the car, and Ben says, “I have to go potty.” NOW?! My mind immediately thinks a thousand thoughts in two seconds ranging from, the nearest toilet is in the back of the store, we’ll never make it in time, is there a tree nearby, WHY AREN’T THERE TREES IN A PARKING LOT?! I can’t even see grass! In that two seconds Ben got his pants down to his ankles. Another thousand thoughts and two second later I’ve gone through the thoughts of, It’s happening now, what do I do, how can I shield him from the cars driving by, should I open the door to the car to give him privacy, or will he pee in the car? In the meantime my best friend is running from the trunk of the car to me, back and forth, saying things like what are we going to do?! I look down and notice that Ben is starting his stream. There’s nothing I can do but try to block the back of him! Unfortunately this is no tiny amount of pee. Cars are driving by and slowing down to watch and I can’t think of anything to do! The most embarrassing part of this is that there was nothing I could do with the puddle. I had no water, or anything, and it’s in the middle of the parking lot, it’s not going anywhere. So saved what little face I had left and yanked his pants up, got him in his seat, and we jetted out of there! I think my face was red for the rest of the weekend!

    Stephanie – http://www.jenningsfour.blogspot.com

  • Kris

    My 3 year old daughter knows me. I have NO time to waste in the morning. So she PROUDLY announced that she had gotten herself ALL READY without help, from anyone! She even talked about putting on her ‘new backpack’ all by herself! Not thinking twice about it, I praised her efforts and scurried along with the rest of the morning’s duties. When we got to church, I noticed that her familiar dress had a slightly different look to it, and then I remembered her little voice “new backpack”… I turned her around to see that her ‘backpack’ was actually a pair of MY UNDERWEAR!!!

  • Melissa Irwin

    That is the best story EVER.

  • Vern ~ Inspired

    That was hysterical!
    I think you should offer to decorate for them when they have a home of their own!

    So glad you got out of bed and survived your speaking engagement. I understand your anxieties of speaking in front of people. I fought God for over 16 years on speaking…I would love to share with you what He taught me. It is awesome because now I get to help encourage and equip others along the way as God is calling them to that same place.
    The first time I read your blog I was led to begin praying for you and your future speaking ministry as well as you writing a book. It does not surprise me that you are in this season now.
    His message through you is going to strengthen so many!

    Be Inspired!
    Veronica “Vern” Hutcherson

  • Moore Family

    Ok, I’m 3 minutes late…but this is as fast as I could get to my computer. My neice, Emma (age 8), once went into my sister’s bathroom while she was dressing and said, “Mom, did you know that men get their self worth from their jobs?”

  • traewilder

    Well, it’s not nearly quite as funny, but it still tickled my funny bone:

    My daughter has to be catheterized a couple of times a day, and while we did it when she was very young (from 1 till about 2.5 or so), we ended up having to start back up with it when she was 4.5. You can imagine what it’s like to try to explain what you’re about to do to a 4 year old (You’re going to put WHAT, WHERE???) On top of that, this child (naturally) is a bit of a drama queen, so it was an even bigger uproar trying to get the job going again.

    The doctor actually gave us an extra catheter at the hospital and said that we should use it to help her get comfortable with the idea, let her hold it and touch it and play with it, blah blah blah so she wouldn’t be scared. So, that’s what we did. “See, honey? It’s very tiny, and it’s soft and bendy, and…” so on. Of course, this made no difference whatsoever to my child. It took both mommy and daddy and a lot of elbow grease and sweat and time to get the job done. (Not that I blame her, mind you.)

    I never thought twice about that extra catheter or where it went, but one day she’s playing in the living room with her baby dolls (and you know what’s coming, don’t you?). Next thing I know, that poor baby’s legs get thrown over her head, and that catheter is DRILLED into that baby’s behind. And then she turns to me, smiling proudly, triumphantly showing me that she can do just what I do.

    I alternated between laughing so hard that I cried, and wanting desperately to defend my technique, as that poor doll was definitely traumatized for life. ;) SO funny. Maybe it’s only funny in this house, but still…I laugh everytime I think of it. ;)

    I should add, that catheter became a favorite toy. I even found her using it to dig in my flower garden, the little port trailing off behind her…

    And yes, I definitely took pictures. ;)

  • 3kids2jobs1dog.com

    I think I may have missed the deadline but I have the cutest story to share…I have three daughters 8,7 and 6. When they were about 3,4 and 5 I was giving them a bath and my oldest daughter got out first and started to dry off. She started to look in the mirror at the large white birthmark she has on her lower back ( she is biracial so it really is pretty evident) she made this funny look and said “Why do I have this mama?” I told her that it was special – that is where God kissed her on the day she was born and it left a mark. She looked like she wanted to accept that, but then she said “Well God kisses every baby and they don’t have a mark.” Overhearing our conversation, my 4 year old (at the time) looks up at her from the bathtub and says to her, in the most matter-of-fact way…”Maybe he had a milk mustache when he kissed you!”

  • Susan

    Ok, its after 10:00, so I can post this hopefully with no hard feelings. :) I just wanted to share because its funny…

    We were outside in our driveway one evening and a man walked by on the sidewalk. He had white hair and was wearing a denim shirt. My son, then 5, gets all excited, points and yells, ‘HEY MOM! JAY LENO!! Is that JAY LENO?”
    The man turned around and smiled for a second… I was speechless, but busted up laughing as soon as he had passed.

    I loved reading all these! Thanks! :)

  • Taunya

    super funny! I am a new reader and find your writings very entertaining and inspiring. I have a funny little story to add but it was before having kids. I was newly married and travelling with my sister. we stopped at a service station (in canada)to eat and while we were in the bathroom stalls (before eating) we were chatting. I was saying that I always keep a tampon in my purse just so people wouldn’t assume I was pregnant (I wasn’t expecting at the time, but once you are married people start waiting for it to happen in our dutch circles) anyways, we get out of the stalls and who is standing there looking a little sheepish but my MIL. she is a dear woman and would never meddle or gossip, but I was embarassed none the less. I am more careful, who knows what she could have possibly heard? I share everything with my sister.

  • Annie

    Well, I think that it is too late, but I still wanted to share my story. When our Abbie was about 3 years old, we were living at our in-laws house while our home was being fixed for damage. One day, we were all sitting in the family room chatting away (by all, I mean my mil, fil, bil, sil, dh, and me) and Abbie comes out of the bedroom. She is caring a tube. Abbie is smiling so sweetly and then proclaims that she can’t wait to brush her teeth! We all give her sweet smiles, and then my BIL, realizes what she is holding is NOT toothpaste! It is “Lubrication”. What made it worse is that since walking in the room, she had figured out how to open the tube of “toothpaste” and was rubbing it on her face. I was MORTIFIED! My mil was red blushing, my fil was rolling on the floor, my hubby was laughing so hard he was crying, I am running to Abbie, trying to pry the tube out of her hands, all while she is crying that she wants to brush her teeth. I have yet to live it down. And still get that sick feeling in my gut thinking about it. Guess I should be grateful that my in-laws know that we have a healthy—you know what—life. LOL!

  • ~K.m.L~

    I always love reading your blog and thank you for the good laugh! Here’s a funny story about my little boy. When he was two he was potty trained…so I thought. One day when I was out with my sister in law shopping at the nicest shopping center around our city we decided to go into The Lucky Jeans store to buy jeans for my extremely tall husband (it’s hard to find his length!) Anyways as we were lost in picking out which wash of jean to buy I look up and there in the store window facing what seemed like a multitude of people laughing their heads off was my son, pants down peeing everywhere!!! I was devastated and thanks to the kind lady who worked at the store and my sister in law we had the mess cleaned up in no time. Thankfully he managed to not hit the the clothing display in the store window but we had to give the window and floor a good cleaning. Good times!

  • Melissa@MamaMonoblogs

    OMG!! Sooo funny. That story is hysterical. Thank you for sharing it. You definitely need to use that “illustration” in your next speaking engagement :o P

  • belovedaimee~

    Now that is FUNNY. I just love keeping up with you Angie. Your life is an adventure :)

    Do I have a funny kid story? I have three kids, so yes I have countless embarrassing moments and what I like to call black mail pictures of my children. The time my first daughter was out in the rain dancing in an inflatable swimming ring in nothing but her panties (sans pirates). Or the time daughter number two found my lipstick, incidentally one should never leave a two year old unattended on the potty for more than oh I’d say thirty seconds. She literally looked like a nakey pink raccoon. Priceless. Once at an outdoor wedding my handsome, dressed to the nines, son of mine, announced loudly to the wedding guests eating their beautifully iced cake that he HAD TO PEEE!! And proceeded to irrigate the nearest elm tree as they continued to dine on their lovely pastry. Oh the joys of children.
    xoxoxoxo

  • Sears Kids

    This is going to be past the contest deadline, but I had to share it anyways. BTW, thought that your story was hilarious Angie! 2 weeeks ago Friday I was frantically preparing for all of my in-laws to arrive, including family from Germany. Well, some of them arrived on Friday. I had yummy, warm, chocolate chip cookies waiting. All of us had 1 or 2 or more… including the 17month old, who I thought my sister-in-law was holding. I began to go upstairs to show them the “rest of the house”, when to my dismay I noticed what looked to be dribbles of poo on the carpet at the top of the steps. My sweet 17month old had ground her warm, chocolate chip cookie into the carpet, stepped on it and was walking around continuing to spread it everywhere. Ugh, so much for a nice clean house! :)

  • Vonda

    Okay, I know it is too late forthe contest, but I have to add mine.

    Yes, I a pastor’s wife, which makes what my children do all the more “special”.

    My middle child’s Sunday School teacher came to me a couple of weeks ago right after SS and told me while she was laughing that she had to show me what my daughter, 4, had drawn.

    The teacher asked the kids to draw a picture of their families, or something like that. She showed me the picture my daughter had drawn. It was a nice picture with all the obligatory stick figures. Then, her SS teacher pointed out that the boys/men in the picture were all anatomically correct with “peanuts” as my daughter called them. (For the record, my children do know the proper words, but somewhere along the way, they started calling boys’ parts “peanuts”, and I have pretty much let them do it for this very reason.)

    I mumbled something like, at least she knows the difference between boys and girls.

    Needless to say, we are now emphasizing to draw figures with clothes on their bodies.

  • sspyron

    Well, looks like a lot of people have funny stories about personal hygiene. I know I am a bit late this morning reading the blog but wanted to share mine too.
    My son (now 13) when he was about 8 years old was outside on a Saturday morning playing in the sprinkler. Well, my daughter had a friend over the night before and let’s just say “George” had come to visit her during the night. I was busy cleaning the house and didn’t even notice my son had come in or that my daughters friend had gotten up that morning. Well, all of a sudden my son came running in the house wanting me to watch him in the sprinkler with his Water Gun. Of course, I am like really busy cleaning and kinda ignoring him too saying “OK son, in just a bit”. I am not sure how much longer passed before he came back inside and wanted me to look out the window and at that moment he showed me his “new” water gun. Well, ladies–you can just imagine what it was. I thought I was going to just die right there. My husband was in the garden tilling the dirt and had never even noticed what my son was using as a water gun. He just knew it was kinda small and pink. Anyway, carefully I asked my son where in the world did he find such a water gun and his answer–”in the garbage can in the bathroom, it must be sissys old lipstick”. I could have crawled under the couch by that point. Of course being a shocked and embarassed mom at that point–I slowly asked him to let me see it and told him he should never get anything out of the trash because it has germs. He was a bit upset that I took his new water gun away but went on back outside to play. I finally got my husbands attention and when he came inside I told him the story. He laughed so hard. Of course, when the girls woke up–I had them laughing out of the bed on the floor. I told my daughters friend to be sure to wrap the water guns in toliet tissue next time she disposes one. Yucky!
    Hope that wasn’t too personal for you all :)

  • CJ

    I know the contest is over by now but I too have a maxi pad story that took place in my front yard just two days after we moved in to our new house. (We are a military family and we move quite frequently) Anyway my husband and I were busy unpacking boxes and tossing them into the garage as they were emptied and our three little boys were outside turning these boxes into an AWESOME fort. They were being good and having a blast so I let them be……um yeah….l should have checked on them sooner b/c they had taped the fort together with maxi pads. They found the pads in a box that had yet to be unpacked. Being the smart little boys that they are they found just the thing to hold their fort together.

    I went outside to offer them a snack and found the fort in all its glory with all the new neighbor kids enjoying this work of art. I stood in tears from laughter as the wrappers were blowing down the street in the breeze. Girl….It happens to the best of us. I will have to see if I can dig up the picture I took of this AMAZING FORT!!!! LOL!!!!

  • The Hull Munchkins

    Oh my goodness, I literally laughed out loud through tears!! After a difficult week I’m thankful to find someone to laugh with. Thank you for that priceless story of humility.
    I need a maxi-event every time I have guests over! Way too concerned about what people think about me and my “fake” presentation of life.

    Thanks Angie!
    -Patty

  • Jennifer

    Kids are so hilarious. It is no wonder Jesus loves them so much.

    (I didn’t know if this was where we were to post the stories).

    I sent my (then) four year old daughter to nap. She came back down after 5 minutes.
    Me: Did you take a nap?
    B: No.
    Me: You need to go back up and take a nap.
    B: Okay, mommy.

    Ten Minutes later (she came back down):
    Me: Did you sleep?
    B (contemplating response): Yes?
    Me: Are you lying?
    B: NO. (shaking head)
    Me: Honey, I may not know if you’re lying, but someone does. Jesus knows if you are lying.
    B considers this for a few seconds before responding:

    WILL HE TELL YOU??

    http://gabrielanzalone.tributeforyou.com

  • Jenn

    I know it's past the deadline, and I'm not vying for late acceptance into the funny story contest. Just wanted to share my own laugh with you:

    Husband & I had met up at Chili's for dinner before he left town on business. Right after we said goodbye, I realized dinner was not settling as well as I'd have liked it to. All the way home (speeding without a care in the world – I DARED a cop to pull me over!) I kept prepping my 21-month-old son, "Sweetie, when we get home Mommy needs you to go play with your toys so she can go potty." Open curtain…

    (guest bathroom)

    Me: Okay honey, go play with your bowling ball. Mommy needs to go potty.

    (a certain amount of time passes, none of which is too pleasant for me)

    Jake (walking into the bathroom, nose wrinkled): PEEE-YOUUU, MAMA!!!!

    Me (quite embarrased at my son's honest honest assesment of the situation): Thanks, Jake. I know – Mommy's tummy hurts.

    Jake (with THE MOST serious look of disapproval on his face): Shut the door, Mama!

    (Jake closes door and doesn't return)

    Apparently, only using half a can of Febreeze air freshener did not do the trick.

  • Jaci

    I know the contest is over, but I wanted to share my funny kid story. I have nannied for about 8 years for the same two cuties. When the little boy was about 4 I was giving him a bath one night. I had dragged along my high school boyfriend that evening so he was able to meet these kids that were such a huge part of my life. So anyways, we are in the bathroom and the boyfriend walks in to let me know that dinner was ready downstairs. At that exact moment C takes the tupperware container that I used to rinse his hair, places it over his manhood, shakes his nonexistent hips, and announces to the worlld “WELCOME TO THE PENIS MUSEUM.” How could you not laugh? Where could a four year old come up with that?

  • Midnite Scrapper

    Just wanted to say that I am watching the debate right.now. and I am almost more excited that I spotted your hubby (how can you miss him?) right away! I asked my hubby if he recognized him and he said — “he’s on one of our CD’s…Selah?” LOL

  • Midnite Scrapper

    Just wanted to say that I am watching the debate right.now. and I am almost more excited that I spotted your hubby (how can you miss him?) right away! I asked my hubby if he recognized him and he said — “he’s on one of our CD’s…Selah?” LOL

  • Honea Household

    Awesome. I saw him before it started! I hope he gets to ask his question.

  • Mary

    This is past the contest, but I thought I’d share anyway. :)

    One evening, we had a couple men from our church visiting our home. They talked about the Savior and how much He loves little children. We discussed how precious they are, and that they are the future of the world. Right as one of them said “We need to see our children as Jesus does” here came my newly potty trained 2 year old daughter running from her room, proudly waving in each hand a flashy pair of Dora underwear (right under their noses). After running around the room screaming like a banshee for a minute, she left as quickly as she came. Humiliation. :) I believe the topic changed after that.

  • Rose

    I saw him and immediately recongnized him. I ran to my computer to make sure that was him and sure enough!!! I follow your post but never commented before!!!

  • mom 2 many

    Todd, you got lots of airtime! You look very calm, cool and collected. Green was a good choice! I notice that you are not the only missing a hair or two ;-) I hope you DVR’d this Angie.

    Blessings,
    Carla

  • Jenna

    i just watched your hubby shake John McCain’s hand! how awesome and what a privilege he’s had to be a part of this debate!

  • JandM

    I love your stories, Angie! The maxi pad story had me laughing so hard!!

    I’m glad all went well for you!

    P.S. I was watching the Presidential debate tonight. Was your husband in the front row, in a green shirt? I was watching McCain’s closing statement and was like, “that’s Angie’s husband, Todd, from Selah!”

  • shots in the dark

    I’ve read your blog for a while now, and have never actually made any comments, but I could sit by on this one. My husband and I are pastor at our church, He is the Associate and I am the Children’ and Youth Pastor, and last year I put together my first ever Children’s play. It was a crazy day trying to get all the kids in their costumes, to stand in their places, remember their lines, and be adorable. As the last line was said and the applause started, I thought to myself okay, Jennifer, you pulled it off, no huge mess ups, no embarrassment, good job, and thank you Lord!! However all of that quickly changed. As I was gathering costumes, shaking parents hands, and accepting congrats, I hear someone say Jennifer you need to come here…See I have a daughter,5, who has always been well…Lilly. That just sums it. She’s got that twinkle in her eye that just tells you life with her will always be an adventure. Anyway I’m told that I need to go to the front of the church, and as I walk up I see a little head bobbing in the baptismal…yup. It was Lilly. swimming. in the baptismal.where not an hour before one of her little friends had so preciously been baptized. But wait, because it wouldn’t be quite Lilly if that was the end. She had decided in her perfect then 4 year old logic that she did not want to get her clothes wet. So there she is for all the world to see skinny dipping in the baptismal! Yup she’ll make a great pastor’s kid, but she’ll always have dry clothes!

  • -stephanie-

    How exciting to see your hubby live on national t.v. Can we know his question now?

  • Bethany

    While I was at the eye doctor about 3 years ago, my husband took our 3 kids (then ages 4,5,6) to Sam's Club. When they went to get in the car, it wouldn't start. Thankfully, my mother-in-law lived close by, so she was called to come pick them up while Sam's took a look at our vehicle. While waiting, the kid's found a comfortable place to rest (on top of a palette stacked with Maxi Pads). My 5 year old had just learned to read, and while laying back with his hands behind his head, & legs crossed, he looked behind him and said, "Dad, these Kotex sure are comfy!!!" And of course a lady just happened to be walking into the restroom at the same time…she commented, "Well ya'll are certainly sitting in a very educational spot!" This struck our kid's curiosity, and so my husband decided to explain exactly what those Kotex were used for!! When they finally arrived at the doctor's office to pick me up, my 4 year old then announces that he can't wait for his Nanee (my mother-in-law) to get married so that she can have a baby! I told him that she was too old to have another baby, and he said, "No she isn't! Daddy told us that all girls have babies. They lay eggs and have to wear diapers!" Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!! :)

  • Rbwalker

    So, I don’t know if you are a face-booker, but I gave a shout out in my status to Mr. Todd Smith about last night. Hilarious. I kept thinking, “I wonder if he made sure to go to the bathroom.”"Did he turn his cell phone off?”

    p.s. when did you become a rock star in the blogging world? I LOVE IT!

  • Troy & Sherry

    we were watching the debate and i said – oh my goodness baby that is todd from selah ;) super cool – glad you had a distraction! i pray for your family and nicole’s family ofter – we have a 4 month old boy….and many times i hold him and think and pray for you guys1

  • Troy & Sherry

    we were watching the debate and i said – oh my goodness baby that is todd from selah ;) super cool – glad you had a distraction! i pray for your family and nicole’s family ofter – we have a 4 month old boy….and many times i hold him and think and pray for you guys1

  • mary caroline

    Hi Angie! I’ve been reading your blog for some while and just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy it. Sometimes it makes me laugh out loud and sometimes it brings me to tears at my desk at work, but most of all it inspires me. Thank you for your story~for allowing friends and strangers alike to hear your message of faith, courage, and love.

    After I read my daily devotional yesterday your name was the first thought that popped into my mind even though I don’t really “know” you. It is Matthew 10:19-20. You may already be familiar with this one but I thought it was perfect to share.

    Your decorating story was hilarious!

    mc

  • Tami in MT

    Todd made SNL!! I think that’s better than getting to ask the question!!

  • Boltons3

    I know this is after the fact, but I just recently started reading this blog and I have to share. It was a football Sunday where the whole family and many friends were gathered in my sisters house filling the living room. My mom (“Mima” to the granddaughters) took my niece upstairs to go potty. She was potty training, so close to 2 yrs old, and she had a sticker chart for her efforts. One sticker meant she succeeded at peeps on the pot and two stickers meant, well, going #2.
    After quite awhile since Mima and Granddaughter disappeared, a small but very excited voice from upstairs yelled, “YEA!!! MIMA!!! Mima gets 2 stickers!” Needless to say it left those of us familiar with the sticker chart rolling!

  • Kaye

    You know what’s hilarious? I saw the debate and thought, “Wow that looks like Todd.” I knew they were in Nashville, but I didn’t honestly think it was! I’m catching up with your blog today and found out that YES it was him! =)

    Very cool.

  • Ellie

    I was doing daycare in my home when my husband’s boss needed to look for a new daycare. They were scheduled to come over with their two year old son to check us out. Of course, I had everything perfect and all the kids involved in some peaceful activity in the living room. My two-year-old had gone to use the potty, and I was standing watching him when the door bell rang.

    I just told him to finish up and i would be back to help him, and went to answer the door. Standing there talking with my husband’s boss’s husband and their only child, an adorable little boy with curls, and my son came wandering down the hallway.

    He had been fairly successful with peeing in the potty, but had not yet mastered pooping there. But – you guessed it – today he had finally pooped IN the potty. He was so proud of his little self that he picked it up (no, not the potty, the poop!) and carried it out to show us, “Look mommy, what I did in the potty!”

    Ah! What can you say? If I yell at him, I will not get this job, but… umm…. we do not carry poop around!

    Thankfully, the man had a good sense of humor, and they let me care for their kid for three years and we became good friends after all.

    Second story – Years later, when I had four kids, and the youngest was a girl of three who spoke very, very clearly and loudly, we went out to eat at Pizza Hut. Being a bigger family, we got seated in the middle of the section of all the booths. My husband and I were quietly discussing what we needed to buy at Walmart, and I said that we need to get some sheets and some bras.

    My small daughter stood up on her chair, pulled up her shirt, looked down, and in that very loud clear voice of hers asked, “Do I have those things on me that need a bra?”

    Her brothers hit the floor laughing! People all over Pizza hut choked on their last bite and started giggling.

    Third Story – with four kids, life can get embarrassing…

    In church, during communion, our pastor always gets to this place where he asks us to be quiet and think about Christ’s sacrifice for us… Our children sit in service with us, and my seven year old son was tired and bored. He stretched, and leaned over on me to rest… such a sweet picture… except that as soon as his head hit my chest, he bounced back up, reached over and poked one breast with his finger and said, “Hmmpf, those feel just like jello!”

    Ah, yes, why during the quiet meditation time?! Around us were some people who looked like they were very sorry for their sins as tears ran down their faces…

    Thankfully, we were sitting in an area with mostly families with their own young kids, but by the end of coffee time, most of the church had been informed what my breasts felt like!

  • carrie

    i know i am late compared to everyone else but i just found your blog a week ago and i think i am attatched to it more than is really healthy…HAHA

    when my daughter was 5 (she is almost 12 now) she was lamenting over the fact that she just had to have a sister. i was trying to explain to her that it was not possible ( i had my tubes tied). she became very matter of fact and said” mommy why did you go get your boobs tied? i wanted a sister!”

    that was the end of the conversation because i fellover laughing so hard i thought i was going to pee my pants.

    thank God for the joy he gives us in life!!!

  • The Ward’s

    I can’t tell you how much strenght your blog gives me…I LOVE IT. Thank you for sharing your family with me a stranger who looks to you for guidance, courage and wisdom.

    Here is my funny little story. I had just purchased a new fairly large “bust” of ” Ceasar” and was so excited to show my two boys. My oldest thought it was cool! Then when I took my youngest, who was about 8 in the living room to see it proudly placed on the fireplace mantel, he said “OH JESUS!” My older son and I couldn’t keep a straight face. It was precious! I explained to him, “No, sweet boy, that isn’t Jesus, it is Ceasar.” So, everyday when I see that bust up on my mantel I think of JESUS instead of Ceasar, and I LIKE IT THAT WAY! Out of the mouth of babes. I Love the reminders that it brings me each day. So, for our family, it is JESUS on our mantel. :)

  • Rebecca

    Did I somehow miss the follow up….what was his question???