The Glorious Hem

(updated at the bottom:))

Todd and I seem to be in “Spring Cleaning” mode a little early this year.  In the past few days, we have started tackling some home projects that we have been putting off for awhile.  One of them (which I was DREADING) was cleaning out our closets. I was dreading it for a few reasons, not the least of which was that there were some sassy pants in a size 2 that I knew God was calling me to surrender to the “in your dreams” pile. I decided I need to take some pressure off myself about losing all of my baby weight, so I was actually pretty liberal with my sorting this time around.  I was also dreading cleaning out the girl’s closets because there were stacks of clothes that needed to be sorted by size and season, and different piles for people who have little girls (Summer, Amelia, and Bella..comin’ at ‘ya!!!!).  I have been putting it off forever, so I committed the afternoon yesterday and set up shop in Kate’s room. I turned on the radio and started reaching for the piles.

About a half hour later, I was in tears.

I hadn’t expected it to be so mentally draining. I have mentioned this before, but I really feel like I see life in photographs. I remember the outfit Ellie was wearing when she realized that the hose water was freezing, and about 2 seconds later when she taught Abby the same lesson the hard way.  I remember what Kate wore home from the hospital, and what blankie I first photographed her in.  I remember the bathing suit that Abby was wearing when she felt beach sand for the first time.  

I remember the dresses the girls were wearing last Christmas, when I was a few months pregnant with a baby girl I thought was healthy.  I have one of our Christmas cards from last year and it is signed “Todd, Angie, Ellie, Abby, Kate and Baby Smith.”

I grieved all over again, in a different way.  I grieved because I can’t hold her in those sweet hand-me-downs while rocking her to sleep.  It seems like at this point, the hardest moments come in ways that are totally unexpected.  I start to feel like I am doing really well, and then I get hit over the head with this queasy feeling of agony.  

I sat on Kate’s floor and dreamed of Audrey for awhile.  I miss her so much, and I daily mourn the loss of the little moments of life I take for granted with the girls.  

As I made my way into my closet, I felt so heavy with sadness.  I started throwing my maternity clothes into a giant bag while I had a little “conversation” with God. It was pretty one-sided.

At least it was at first.

After a few minutes, I looked up and saw the bag that has my wedding dress in it. When I talk about “the Lord speaking to me,” it is in a time like this, when I feel a prompting to do something and I know that it is coming from Him.  In this moment, I felt like I needed to unzip the bag.  It seemed a little odd, but I know Him well enough to know that I should just obey the urging and let Him guide me to where I am supposed to be.  I unzipped the bag and for a brief moment, my mind was consumed with the fact that I used to have a 21 inch waist, but then I remembered that the God of the Universe was speaking to me (clap, clap!) so I returned to a posture of listening.

I pulled the bottom of the dress out of the bag and the train came spilling out.  I spread it out on the ground and studied it as moments of my wedding day came to mind.  I started to relax and my eyes drifted to the edges of the train.  And I saw the most incredible, unexpected thing.

The hem of my gown is dirty.  Really dirty.

And I know how it got that way.  I walked down a church aisle, took photographs in the grass, and danced and ate my way to happiness.  I lived in it.

A few dresses down from my wedding gown is the dress I wore when we buried Audrey.  It is dirty as well, but not from happiness.  It is stained with fresh earth, wrinkled from kneeling by my daughter’s grave.

And so I sat on my closet floor asking the Lord to show me why He had brought me here.  I closed my eyes and imagined the hem of my wedding gown as I danced with my new husband.

“… I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husbandAnd I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”
Revelation 21:2-5

I couldn’t remember the whole scripture, but the words “You are the bride of Christ” came to mind. I suddenly had an image in my mind of myself in a glorious white gown that floated all around me.  A seemingly endless train chasing after me as I walked. 

And then, Him.  

I couldn’t see Him in my mind, but I felt a great peace as I imagined my hands, clutching at fabric all around me so I could run to where He was.  I saw myself, falling before Him as my dirty gown settled all around me. Dirty from the hurt and the disappointment.  Dirty from the dancing in joy.  Dirty from years of walking across a wet graveyard.  Dirty from loving deeply, richly, completely. Dirty from the fears, the dreams, the sorrow, the confusion.  Dirty from the memories, the regrets, the mistakes, the injustice of this world.

Stained by this life I have walked while my Savior whispered, “One day I will wipe your tears, my sweet bride…”

What a glorious hem surrounds us all. It follows us wherever we go, gathering up pieces of this life in anticipation of the next.

And one day, I will bow to the King of Kings, and I will worship Him.  

And as He wipes the tears from my eyes, I will ask Him the question that cannot be answered fully from a closet floor….Where is she, Lord? 

And in the meantime, I will start to think of my days like a wedding photograph.  I will walk, veiled, down this long aisle, in breathless anticipation of the day that awaits me.

I will trust in the One Who will make all things new in His time.

I will keep my eyes on He Who waits for me.

I will. 

Or rather, I do.

Thank you, Lord. May my life be an offering that brings You glory…
Angie

P.S. How did the 7×7 prayers go this week? I would love to hear about it!!!

P.P.S. The gorgeous girl holding my dress is my best friend Audra, whom Audrey was named after:) She is due to have baby girl number two in a few months…actually, her due date is the week Audrey was diagnosed last year.  Audra, thank you for holding my hem in so many ways for so many years….I love you:)

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  • Jenny

    Thank you.

    I so needed that reminder right now and all I know to say is thank you.

  • Jenn in GA

    the Lord has gifted you with insight, and i love the images of Truth He gives you! thanks for sharing that…

  • Becca

    And to think I had my wedding dress cleaned and preserved. Silly me!

    This post brings to my mind these lyrics:
    Who can wash us pure as snow? Nothing but the blood of Jesus!

    Thank you for sharing!

  • Julie

    beautiful….

  • Christy

    Angie,

    As always, your words are beautiful and so filled with truth.

    A glorious hem does surround us all.

    P.S. I'm Sarah's (The mother of Allison & Emily) sister.

  • Dana

    Wow, that was really good! I had a miscarriage over a year ago and I feel the same way. It is always the most random things that pop up and I just start to cry all over again. This was such a wonderful depiction of how we will possibly feel in Heaven. I don’t ever want reuniting with friends or family to be above meeting my Savior face to face, so sometimes I almost forget that we will be reunited. I often forget what other treasures will be there too. Thank you.

  • aLise

    Thank you so much for sharing with us Angie. I have had such a hard time remembering that HE is in control and that my life is an offering to him. I want to question and yell and be bitter. But He reminds me that just like I waited for my husband and kept myself pure, I must also do so for him. To honor him and love him, Even in the hard times. Thank you for reminding me and allowing your pain to aide in my healing!

  • Jenna

    AMAZING

  • Sarah

    I am going to second the Thank you with a sheer lack of words to describe what it is you do for each of us that read your words.

  • Jenna

    That was beautifully written Angie. Thank you for sharing.

  • Krista

    I don’t actually have living children, so I am not doing the 7×7. I just wanted to thank you for that post- it was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes.

    Krista
    p.s. I have always remembered moments by outfits as well!

  • Kimberly

    You have such a gift with words Angie. You even teach an old bird like me. Thank you. We serve an awesome God who uses everyone for his purpose. Some of us are learning to listen with our hearts.
    ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
    peace in Him for us all,
    ;)

  • Kerri

    That was beautiful. I met you today at Chick-fil-A. You are just as precious as I knew you would be. Thanks for sharing your life with us. You have no idea what an eternal difference it is making. I’m praying for you!

  • kelsey

    You look GORGEOUS on your wedding day! More wedding pics, please! I’d love to see your “view” that you had for your special day.

  • Tessa

    I love how you give us tangible ways of embracing God and understanding His deep love for us … for sharing how we are to walk with Him. The way He speaks to you in these moments is so powerful and I am blessed that you share them with us. Truly breathtaking …

  • maryanne420

    hi angie,

    that was a beautiful post! i was so inspired by your 7X7 that i sent out a mass email to my friends. we will be starting it this monday. i’m so excited about this.

    p.s. will you please pray for the state of california, specifically the city of los angeles. eversince the election and proposition 8 passing, the spiritual warfare in this city got even worse. supporters of proposition 8 are picketing christian churches and have been having protests practically every day. please pray for God to show himself strong!

  • The Kunards

    The hem of my wedding dress is filthy, too. Reading this made me realize what a blessing that is. Funny…

  • Amber

    Angie,
    Thank you for being so raw for all of your readers. I have never read a post that hasn’t touched me in some way. I love the way the Holy Spirit works through you.
    I have been doing the 7×7 with my son. I love that I already have many of them memorized. My son is still too young to understand what I am doing but it is something that I want to continue doing. Thank you for challenging us to the 7×7.

  • The Poteet’s

    Angie:
    I have been a reader for quite some time but I have never posted a comment before. I want you to know how blessed I am each time I read your blog. You are such a gifted writer and I can feel the presence of God each time I read your posts. Thank you and God bless you.

  • jeanetteb

    POWERFUL sister! I have been following your blog for some time now and I know i will for much longer. 7×7…where do I begin? I have 4 babies (3 here one with Jesus) and i pray for them daily. Sometimes I feel my prayers are just plain silly (Please Lord help Gabriella have control over her teethe…she has been BITING children at daycare and to say i am MORTIFIED would not describe my feelings) but, I know that any prayer no matter how small is heard and recieved by HIM. And that, my friend is SO POWERFUL and gives me such hope! THANK YOU!
    Jeanette

  • Talysa

    “For your nearness Lord, I hunger…For your nearness Lord, I wait”…-Meredith Andrews

    You may want to have a listen to this song and read your blog as it plays…”Draw Me Nearer” (All of her stuff is great by the way)

    I just happened to have this playing on my itunes as I read your blog…wow…all I can say is that I am a bit broken. Ok, a lot broken…my kids are saying “Mom why are you crying?” As I listen to this song and allow myself to see the visions of that day as you describe it so well…just Him…and me. Angie, you are a messenger of the most high God girl… I do not say that lightly…this post was so raw…so real…so tangible even. He has ministered to me through your words tonight….just know that. Thank you so much for having the heart to share your life so openly. It must not always be easy I realize….

    “Lord, touch my sister tonight where she is….embrace her tightly….whisper your words of peace and solace in her ear…allow her to see just a glimpse of your purpose….just enough to help her make it a little farther in this journey you have her on….I pray peace and rest over Angie tonight Lord…over her heart, her mind, her body….over her home, her husband, and her daughters…”

  • Darlee

    This post was simply incredible. Such insight…such passion. You have an indescrible way of making me feel like I CAN love Him the way you do…

    P.S. Angie, you looked insanely beautiful on your wedding day!

  • gitz

    This quote has been on my mind a lot, and it’s what I kept thinking when you wrote about the closet of clothes:

    The most painful state is remembering the future; particularly one you’ll never have. (Kierkegaard)

    I don’t mean to assume, but I imagine remembering the past with your oldest girls can be wistful, remembering the future for Audrey brings longing. I don’t share your same grief but I get the longing for what’s not going to be. And I admire so much what you were able to see through that grief. And I learned so much. Thanks for sharing with us.

    Know always of my prayers. :)

  • Brenna’s Mom

    You have a beautiful way with words. Just beautiful.

  • Darlee

    You know I meant God, and not Todd when I said “I CAN love Him the way you do”, right? Just checking. Keeping it pure with a little humor on the side =)

  • Bridget =)

    What a beautiful post.

    I had a christing gown and a suit cut from my wedding gown. At the time, I didn’t know about that verse, but now the heirlooms I had made feel even more special.

    Hugs to you, I too have a really hard time parting with the clothes my babies wore – it is so hard, so full of memories.

    and you are just as beautiful as i knew you would be!

  • weavermom

    This touched me deeply. Beautiful.

    Can I add one thing?
    You wrote: “I will ask Him the question that cannot be answered from a closet floor….Where is she, Lord?

    And in the meantime, I will start to think of my days like a wedding photograph. I will walk, veiled, down this long aisle, in breathless anticipation of the day that awaits me.”

    Where is she Lord? Did you mean Audrey? Because my thought was that your sweet Audrey is already there dancing in her wedding dress. And some beautiful day, you will be with her and you will both be dancing.

    With Him.

  • Kerry

    how sweet! I love it – you should compile these into a devotional book or something. They are so relevant and touching.
    …I discovered something else the other day… it is much worse to come across pictures of yourself with your nursing 1 year old and discover you are in a size 4, look thin and great and realize that the 40 pounds you have gained in the 11 years since cannot be blamed on baby weight!!! Very depressing :-(

  • Erin

    Beautiful, Angie.

  • Gina

    Amazing post…leaves me in awe of your abilities to let the lord speak to us through you.

    And may I say Todd must have been like a kid on Christmas when he laid eyes on you on your wedding day-stunning!

  • Susan

    Your so inspiring to me and countless others..keep on keepin on Angie..you have no idea how many you touch through your raw transperency! Bless you!

  • Tina

    Oh my goodness, that was a beautiful picture. You always feel me with hope and inspire me to be a better wife, mother and Christian sister. I am so glad I found your blog and that you allow God to flow through you. You are healing hearts and lives with your message.

  • Christi

    As always, you are a blessing…thank you for sharing your heart with us!

  • Rachel

    Angie, this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing your blog and your thoughts – I am always inspired and touched.

    Blessings to you!

  • Tina

    BEAUTIFUL………

    Thank you for sharing.

  • Just Me

    What a beautiful perspective. Thank you for sharing.

    Prayers,
    Amanda

  • Kelly

    You were Audrey Hepburn in that dress!!!!!!!
    and I bet Jesus thinks you are even more beautiful to Him now than you were to Todd that day!

    I know you miss Audrey and my heart hurts for you – thanks for being so real and Godly at the same time!

  • georgia tarheel

    WOW! That was… exactly right. You truly are a gifted writer!

    My 7 x 7s went well this week…a few bumps in the road and a few I had to pray back to back b/c I forgot to say them as I attempted to dress them while running out the door because we overslept! God has blessed me with it though… my children are asking me now to pray with them!

  • Jaunna

    Thank you for ministering to me.

  • Keri

    As I was reading this, all I could think about what when the woman grabbed the hem of Jesus’s robe and was healed. I bet it was pretty dirty, too. All that traveling, teaching, and healing……it just reminds me how powerful a dirty hem can be!

    Thank you for this…….I love the wedding picture!

  • Holly

    Oh my, thank you Jesus for Angie’s words. They are beautiful, Angie. You have a beautiful heart!

    Off I go to break up a fight… sigh.

    OH! Did you receive the Siesta Fiesta cookbook I sent?

  • Amy

    Angie- that is beautiful. Thank you for your words.

    Amy
    thegubsers.com

  • saramarble

    I find myself eagerly awaiting your next post. your words are so inspiring, encouraging, heartfelt. your faith is amazing and thank you for sharing.

    I have been praying for my 2 4 year old boys everyday. they know now when I say it is time to pray that they go to mommy’s laptop because I read exactly what you wrote and I love everyword. I put my hands on their heads and they quietly listen to me pray all of the prayers over them. The first time I did that Jackson, my oldest said amen and then gave me the biggest hug and said “i love you mommy!” He knew we were doing something special together. Your prompting has helped me think of things eternally instead of earthly. I now stop and pray for everyday simple things and big things. Tonight, as my youngest is sick, and I am too, I stopped and prayed as he clung to the toilet and I felt better knowing God has us all in His hands. Thank you so much angie.

  • daniella

    Good golly, how gorgeous are YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Inside and out. With this story you painted a sight for the sorest eyes. I too await that day and can only try to imagine what it will be like… Seriously hun, you’re like butter to my soul.

    7X7 could be going better. For the past week I’ve been doing more of 2×4. Lord help me and guide me. Holy Spirit, please pray on our behalf when we’re out of patience and out of words with our kids.

  • jablott

    i love reading your writing. i started the 7×7 prayers on Monday and wrote in my blog today about how it went. God is teaching me so much through this prayer challenge. thank you. – jess

  • four little blessings

    Thank you.

    Your words paint pictures. Thank you. And as for your 7 x 7, my blog from last night outlines the blessings I have counted this week as I prayed over the ones He has blessed me with.

    Thank you.

    Tammy

  • Justin and Jenn

    Truly an amazing blog.

  • Pam D

    Your posts aren’t frequent, Angie, but they are worth the wait. What a beautiful picture you have painted. And as I read your entry, my blog was playing Chris Tomlin’s “Amazing Grace”.. “My chains are gone; I’ve been set free; my God my Savior has ransomed me!” I’m moved to tears. And we have been praying the prayers, and my boy knows that prayer isn’t just a few words mumbled before a meal or just as the lights go out. Sometime I’ll have to put the story of “The Great Squirrel Resurrection” on my blog; it’s a priceless prayer story! Thanks for following Him so faithfully, and holding up your light so the rest of us can follow.

  • Jill

    Angie,

    Oh my word, your wedding picture is gorgeous! You looked spectacular and the photo captured all the emotions of the moment.

    I too look forward to the gift of being surrounded by Him and the filth of this world gone forever.

    I am always touched by how your words bring everything to life. What a beautiful way with words and how your love for Him always shines through. Thanks for sharing these sacred moments with us.

    We are doing a modified version of 7X7 and the kids are loving it. We made a prayer box and tomorrow we are seeing if any of our prayers are answerd. If they are they go into our Thank You LORD box. It will be fun watching the children wait on the Lord for their requests. Some I know have already been answered. Precious to share the beginnings of their prayer life together in such a tangible way!

    Love and blessings,
    Jill

  • Phillips Phamily Mama

    As a former English teacher, I’ve enjoyed entering the blogging world and finding such talented writers. But you, Angie, are blessed beyond words! God has blessed you with the ability to soothe souls, to comfort sisters, to laugh when it just seems too much to handle, to bathe us in His light, to bring a mother to tears, but somehow always bringing your pain to His higher purpose. I’m glad He has led so many to read what He is doing in your life. I’m glad He’s led me to read about how we can love and support one another just by sharing who we are, children of God. It will all be to His higher purpose!

  • Sarah1978

    I want you to know that your words have made such an impact upon my heart tonight. Thank you for writing them. And about the 7 x 7 prayers, I just read that post and you’ve inspired me to commit before the Lord to pray them for my little son starting now. what a wonderful reminder!

  • L

    This entry is beautiful.

  • Kimberly

    it’s been 23 years, long, hard years mentally, but I can say, the overwhelming grief and longing don’t hit as often anymore and it is much more tempered in how hard it hits me… and, Angie, you won’t have to ask where she is.. she will be tucked right in behind Him to greet you as you run toward them, that I know without a shadow of a doubt…

    Thank you for sharing yourself with this beautifully written post!

    Also, on the getting rid of stuff–it is incredibly freeing to let go of it. The memories aren’t in the stuff anyhow, and just think to yourself every time you feel a little shaky over doing it – someone else is going to make amazing memories with this stuff and for that I am grateful..

    I’m a clean-out-aholic – I was not as a young woman – my stuff was just well, I just couldn’t get rid of it, and when I finally had to make some decisions, it was terrible the first couple of times.. but what changed it for me was this — I gave a few HUGE bags of baby clothes to a local shelter. Just by happenstance, NOT, God the Father was in the middle of this for sure! I was blessed enough to see a small child wearing 1 of the outfits and I knew without a doubt that it was the 1 that I donated. I struck up a conversation with his mother, never saying, hey I gave you that outfit in a roundabout way or anything, just telling her what a beautiful child she had and how blessed her life would be with him.. she proceeded to share with me how she had run in the middle of the night with nothing but the clothes on their backs from an abusive situation and ended up in an emergency shelter. She had nothing for her baby to wear but what he had on when they left the house (a onesie and a coat) and how truly blessed she was because someone had donated a HUGE bag of baby clothes that same week that were the perfect size for her munchkin… Thank you JESUS for letting me see this — it radically changed the way I got rid of stuff and how I felt about letting go of every piece of it…

    God bless. Keeping you in my prayers!

  • Pen to Paper; Spirit to Soul

    A beautiful bride, a beautiful Mom, a beautiful Princess..daughter of the Most High God!

    Thank you for sharing!

    Pamela in TX

  • Honea Household

    I, too, see my life in photographs. I love it!

    Beautiful post Angie.

  • Sara

    Thank you so much for sharing. It came right when I needed it.

    You were absolutely beautiful on your wedding day – a true vision. I just wanted to give you that compliment. We are so lucky that you are just as beautiful on the inside too.

    Thank you Angie.

  • The Hurst Family

    Thank you so much for the heart felt response. I was in tears by the end and it made me want to go and read the passage in my own bible and add my own notes. I started the 7 prayers and am loving it and how it is working in my family. Getting ready in the morning is always a struggle with my little boy and this really helps both of us. I also added your button on my blog and passed it on to my MOPS group. You are such an inspiration. God Bless your sweet family.

  • Sarah

    Beautiful post! You are a true blessing!

  • Therrien Family

    I am new to your blog, and what an amazing story of your life. I enjoy reading how you look at your life. VERY inspiring!

  • Shannon Jacobyansky

    Angie,
    An absolutely beautiful God inspired post. Thank you for listening in obedience to our Lord to unzip the garmet bag and view the dress…to take the time to listen to what God was telling you and then showing you!

  • BusyBees

    I just found your blog a few days ago, and I’m in love. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I will never look at a hem the same way. Thank you!

  • katie

    What a beautiful post. You always bring tears to my eyes and open my heart.

    P.S. You look beautifully happy in your wedding gown.

  • kay

    Thank you for sharing this. I only hope that one day I can completely surrender to the Lord and just listen the way that you do.

    Thinking of Audrey today and everyday.

  • lisasmith

    Angie–Whenever I envision the lady who was healed from the issue with the blood in Mark 5, I always see her crawling through the crowd, on the ground, not wanting to be seen and called unclean, sneaking on her hands and knees reaching to touch the hem of Jesus’ robe.

    When I read this, I am reminded that the hem, the robe, the place where life, Life, was lived is where the power to heal comes from. A garment dirty from living life fully has the power to heal, my friend. When Jesus’ clothes were touched, he felt the power go out from him. Funny, I always imagined them to be dirty and dusty.

    Thanks for these sweet and life-giving words.

  • The Arnold Family

    Beautiful post.

    And I just can’t decide who your twins look like. When Todd was at the debate, the FIRST thing I thought when I saw him was, “WOW his girls look just like him!” But to look at you in that wedding dress…I think they look just like you!

    Stunning picture.

  • Tabatha

    once again you have made me laugh, smile and cry all in one fail sweep! What a beautiful picture you’ve portrayed (I’m not just talking about your wedding picture, either!)
    THank you!

  • Jenn

    Hi Angie –

    I’m new to your blog. I actually stumbled on it after being intrigued by the 7×7 Prayers button a friend added to her blog. After reaching your site and realizing it wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, I felt a whisper “I want to share a story with you”. I clicked on your link to start Audrey’s story from the beginning. And read. And read. And cried. And read. And smiled through tears. And read. And wept. And read. And ached for this family I’ve not met but were sharing their pain and their faith so eloquently, so openly. I sat for hours until I had journeyed through your past from January until November. I am not a mother, so I know I truly cannot understand even a drop of your pain, however I did want to share that even now, even months after your sweet blessing exhaled her last of earthly air, even now your wonderful Audrey is reaching out and touching new people. I feel so honored that you have shared your faith walk with me and feel so awestruck at how you and Todd, Ellie, Abby, Kate and of course Audrey are serving as such beautiful, gifted mouthpieces for Him. I know this blog has thousands of followers, but I wanted you to know that Audrey has touched another. Your sister in Christ, Jenn

  • Jenn

    Angie,

    What a gift you have. Oh how I needed to hear what you have said. I’m missing my girl so much, as I know you are missing Audrey. I don’t feel so guilty now that I never had my dress cleaned. What truth is in your words. Thank you.

  • rebecca

    Wow, Angie…what a beautiful picture and what a beautiful post! Your description of picking up your skirts and running to Jesus and then asking Him where “she” is was so astounding and brought such tears to my eyes.
    Thank you SO very much for sharing with us. I sure needed that tonight!

  • Beckycain6

    Absolutely beautiful. Your words go deep in my heart. All the old things will become new. The stains will be lifted and will become white as snow.

    In wondering how we get by in a world full of pain, and strife and despair……I love to hear the scripture that Abby and Ellie quoted in unison during Audrey’s service…

    “I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will flow with overconfident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit….” Romans 15:13 NLT

    We have the right to sing in the rain and praise in the storm. We have the right to have the Holy Spirit fill us with peace. We have a right to choose joy over pain, glad tidings over grief. And, although we have our moments like you did yesterday, Ang, you have to know that we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength. ALL THINGS.

    Finally, I love what Beth Moore says, “There is nothing more contagious than joy.”

    I pray for you much more often than you could ever know. I mean that from my soul….

    Humbly,
    Becky Cain

  • Marilena

    That was so beautiful! I am in tears. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.

    You were a breathtakingly beautiful bride and I’m sure He sees you as even more beautiful now. And Todd too…

    Love you,
    Marilena

  • Wendy

    What a journey you just took all of us on!

    You were and still are such a gorgeous bride for Todd. Thanks for sharing.

  • missmctague

    Angie. Please stop looking so gorgeous. Seriously :)

    Thanks for that wonderful reminder. I think it’s always good to remind ourselves that HE is in control of everything and not in our hands to fix them. It’s all a part of His plan. See you soon xox

  • Cheri Bunch

    This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

    Blessings,
    Cheri

  • momof2greatboys

    Angie-You are what God wants to all of us women to be. Your eyes turned to the Right Place and your heart is open to Him. I pray for you often, and I thank you for you sharing your story. You make me grab my two little boys and squeeze them as often as I can get them to hold still! You have encouraged me to pray for them often and because of that, we are growing and learning more about what God wants for our family! God Bless You! Wendy

  • ~Stephanie

    Oh how you ministered straight to my soul… tomorrow I am going to take clothes to consignment… Clothes that I thought I’d have another baby girl to wear… or maybe a baby boy to inspire selling them. We had a miscarriage in Jan of 07… and still nothing has happened… I grieve it every.single.month all over again. (((HUGS))) God is using you dear sister… in powerful ways.. according to his plan.. (Jeremiah 29:11)

  • All Things BD

    Beautiful post.

  • Susan

    Nov. 13, 2004 I woke to the phone ringing and when I answered it was my Mother’s voice. I immediately knew something was terribly wrong. Her words to me were “the rescue squad is here, and your Dad isn’t breathing”… I had seen him only hours earlier and he was laughing with my mother when he was suddenly called home to be in the arms of his Heavenly Father.

    That VERY same day, unbeknownst to us, our daughter to be was born in a rural Province in Central China. We didn’t learn of her birthday until many months later on the day we received her referral.

    As I celebrate her 4th birthday today, I’m laughing one minute, and crying the next. Your post was so meant for me to read this evening as I close yet another year without the precious Daddy I miss so much and begin another with a precious daughter woven into our lives by his merciful hand.

  • Three Fold Cord

    Every time you write my heart is touched, drawn and embraced by a God who is so relational it blows my mind. Thank you again for sharing and showing us how close HE wants to be!

  • Sarah

    Oh my goodness, Angie.
    That was just beautiful.
    Thank you.

  • Kaye

    Oh Angie. THANK YOU!!! I needed to hear that. For days now, I kept coming to this website looking for a new post… and now this… Thank you!!! I need it and you have no odea how you help me see my blessings… Thank you!

  • maria

    Angie,
    I’m new to this whole blog thing and have been reading yours since I found it—What words of truth you speak, your open heart speaks to so many…

  • Sarah

    Thank you for sharing… this was just what I needed tonight and it brought tears to my eyes.

    Your wedding picture is gorgeous!

  • Amy

    I cleaned out the closet when moving my daughters room a couple weeks ago… only to find the “World’s Greatest Sister” shirt I bought for my daughter to wear while I was pregnant… and the bib I bought to commemorate the baby’s “first trip to the zoo” Unforutnately, neither one got to wear them- I didn’t make it past 11 weeks. But, oh how I dreamed of holding her in those hand-me-down-clothes. It is amazing how much (even in that short time) we can dream of the new life we will have- just to have that door shut. I am happy to say almost a year later, I have been amazed at the healing that has taken place! It is only to the Glory of God.
    **I too have that dirty hem on my wedding dress. I put it on the other day to show my daughter and realized how dirty it was…thanks for your words from the Lord.

  • Mary Lindsey

    Today was a really hard day for me.

    Thank you for reminding me that I am walking down the aisle towards my Lord. In my beautiful wedding gown. Oh the hope and perspective it has put on my day!

  • AstroEliz

    Posts like these are why I check your blog on a daily basis. You are such a talented writer. Thank you for sharing such a true picture of your life.

  • Jen

    Psalm 139:5… one of my favourites…

    You hem me in—behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.

    Thank you, Angie. As always, simply beautiful.

  • KK

    Thank you precious Angie for sharing your heart.
    Revelation 21:5 was the first Scripture that came to mind the dreadful night my little brother, who drove here with my sister from Mississippi pulled up in our driveway after we lost everything in a fire and I have clung to this Scripture for over three years now and continue to do so. ‘HE’ does make all things new, and I am so grateful to HIM and to you for bearing your heart and soul.
    Blessings always,
    Kaye
    PS I had a shirt made today to wear to Amy Grant’s concert tomorrow night in Ft. Worth. It reads:
    “After the fire” Rev. 21:5

  • Carissa

    Oh, how I long for the day where I meet our Lord, slightly dirty and scraped after a long walk down the aisle. But ready to be made new and clean.

    You were stunning on your wedding day! If I could re-live any day it would be my wedding day. It was perfect! My wedding dress is dirty as well from completely living in the moments of the day my hubby and I became one. It’s been three years now and I still haven’t had it cleaned. But now, I don’t think I will. I love that the dirt shows just how much I enjoyed that day.

  • angie ulseth

    Do you quilt or know someone who does? You could take fabric from those outgrown but sentimental clothes and make a quilt. It’d be a nice way to hold those memories close, figuratively and literally. I’d offer to help you make one, but I’m several states away (Minnesota).

  • Jill Williams

    Thank you so much for this post. I thought of you yesterday as I was reading part of my devotion. It said “The mother who must bury her own son or daughter comes the closest to understanding the love of God, the anguish of his heart, the cost of her salvation. And the woman who holds on through the storm realizes just how far God’s comfort can travel.” You are an inspiration, may God bless you greatly.

  • Jennifer

    That was the most beautiful post that I have ever read. The way that you pour out your heart in your writing with such a gifted insight…completely in tune with Him.

    You don’t know me and I have only left a few comments from the beginning of your story of Audrey Caroline but I have followed it closely. You have touched my life in such a tender, yet beautiful way. Because you are so “real” in your writings…pouring out your raw feelings from the heart for everyone to see…

    I have an award awaiting for you over at my blog…The Marie Antoinette~Real Person Award.

    Please stop by and pick it up.

    May God continue to bless you and your family. I was a Selah fan long before I found your blog and began to follow your story. Job well done by you and Todd…you both are amazing people.

  • Over-Caffeinated x 4

    What sweet and honest words. I could feel every one!

    And the 7×7 prayer, well, I made it 1X7. I found that it’s all I can do most mornings to just beg God to get me through the day without forgetting one of my kids at the gas station. However, the one thing I could remember from your post by heart was the bumper sticker idea so every single day I prayed for my kids to have humble hearts and that God would fill them with an abundance, to overflowing actually, with His Spirit.

    Thank you for the prompting. Even though I couldn’t get it (and four kids) together for all 7 prayers, I think God honored my intentions because, after all, He gave me these blessings to fill my days! :)

    By the way, I have a friend who knows you personally. I was telling your story and how much I love your blog and she told me that she knows you. Then the night of the debate, she texted me to tell me that your hubby was on the stage! :) You can e-mail me off line if you’re curious at ondreaharrison at g mail dot com.

  • Jill

    Coming out of lurking to say “What a beautiful post!”
    Just a thought: Have you ever considered making a quilt out of your daughters’ baby clothes? I am in the process of doing this right now. Every piece that I go through holds a memory that I cherish. Going through those clothes is an amazing experience!
    Thank you so much for opening your heart and sharing with us your moments with the Lord. :)

  • Stacy D

    That reunion in heaven will be a glorious day… thank you for that reminder tonight.

  • Pretty Hills

    Thank you for what you have said. Your words inspire me in ways you can never know. I have been following your blog for quite some time, and I promise you, every time I read one, God speaks to me so strongly, and profoundly, through your words. You truly have a gift. I don’t know you, and I love you so much. Thank you!

  • Amie

    You are so raw and so real Angie.

    Thank you.

  • Kirsten

    Once again, I’m at your blog; tears streaming down my face. Touched by your story – amazed by how He uses you in my life and the lives of so many. Feeling less alone because you share your heart and you so often articulate my feelings much more eloquently than I could. And always point me to Jesus – the author and finisher of out faith. I’m holding on to faith that our loss is only a chapter of our story and that 2009 will include another baby.

    God bless you for blessing us!

  • Tasha

    Oh sweet Angie…..It absolutely breaks my heart to hear you talk about how you are missing your Audrey.Wish I could hug your neck right now!Wow,you were so gorgeous on your wedding day.That picture has such a timeless feel to it.I love weddings!We have a family wedding this weekend.My husbands youngest brother is getting married.I know what I will be thinking about now as I watch his beautiful bride walk down the aisle.Thank you so much for this post.I am going to go to my closet now and look at my dress.There were so many times when I thought I should have it cleaned.Now I am glad I didn’t.You should totally do a post about your wedding with lots of pictures.Or I could just drive the 7 hours to your house and we could sit on your couch and you could tell me about every picture as we flipped through your album.Either way!I love you girl!Tasha Halterman(Crazy girl from the Selah concert in Kendalville,IN)You should check out the post I did on my blog about meeting you!

  • Jim, Darlene and Eli

    I can read your postings and feel I am one step closer to God. You truly have a gift. I want to share some news with you. My daughter, Krisha, found out today that she is expecting TWINS. She is 9-1/2 weeks along. We knew at 4 weeks she was pregnant, now we know there are two miracles. PLEASE ask all your prayer warriors to keep her and the babies in their prayers.

  • AliciaJohnson1983

    I came across your blog while I was awaiting Kayleigh’s Story blog to be published for the night. And like a book I cannot put down, I have read many many of your posts. My eyes are tired, from tears and sadness, to joy that re-strengthened my love for Jesus. I haven’t been much for religion since my mother passed almost 7 years ago. But to read your journey and your faith in God and how much you cherished every moment of your pregnancy to the tiny amount of time you had with your daughter, made me realize, that I do still have faith in the Lord. And it made me break down all the things in my life to small detail. To realize how precious my children are. I too, have twins, born March 20th of this year. Natalie Grace and Nikolai Ethan. Natalie Grace was diagnosed as having a Right Multicystic Dysplastic Kidney. She was only 3lbs 10 oz when she was born (at 37 weeks). Life is so dear, and your story has opened my heart to the Lord once again. Thank you for sharing your hardship. I pray that time will heal you, and I am so sorry of your loss of little Audrey.
    My deepest Sympathy
    Alicia

  • Julie

    Thank you for this beauty, truly the fragrance of Christ.

  • Nikki

    I’ve been reading your blog for some time now, and God has done nothing but bless me richly through it all. But today’s post was what I needed to hear.

    I’m recently engaged, and I’ve been praying that God will continue to show up in little ways throughout the stressful planning process to remind me that He’s still there, and to help me to stay focused on Him and not on all of the little details. Today He has shown up in huge ways, not the least of which is your post. A bunch of things fell into place, and we now know when and where we’re getting married — not mention that my wedding dress arrived two months early, which no one at the store could believe. Today I have felt like a bride, and I’ve been revelling in how wonderful it is to just sit with my fiance and dream how wonderful it will be to be his bride.

    And then I read your words “I am the bride of Christ” and God spoke to me. Today is not my first day as a bride — I’ve been His bride for a long time. I can’t describe what He said or how it felt . . . but He spoke, clearer than He has in a while.

    Thank you for being a vessel for Him. You and your family have been in my prayers and will continue to be. God has given you a wonderful gift, and you are certainly using it for His glory.

  • Susan @ fivemangoes

    Thank you, Angie. Your writing has a way of inspiring me to run after Him… or should I say run TO Him?

    You have a beautiful way with words, and I thank God for you so often.

    The 7×7 prayers… Um, yeah. I was horrible at it. I feel a strong urging to do this, yet the enemy continually keeps me from it somehow. I am so weak. My heart aches when I think of it. I feel like I am letting my kids down. If I don’t teach them to pray and teach them about Jesus, I don’t know who will. My husband is not a believer, and I know the prayers could be a great witness to him as well… Why am I struggling with this so much? I do pray for my kids (usually silently) but I loved your idea so much and couldn’t wait to try it. I am still determined – tomorrow is a fresh start.

  • Liz

    Beautiful! Reminded me of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTVKrM6V0Ak (although this particular version is a little slow, I’m used to a slightly ‘peppy-er’ version)

  • Kendra

    You never cease to amaze me Angie. Thank you, once again, for sharing your journey with us. The way you love Jesus inspires me…makes me long to know Him more and more…

  • Michelle

    Thank you for this post, Angie. You have touched my heart today.

  • JanMary

    Amazing and powerful.

    Thanks for sharing.

    Hugs and prayers.

  • Mi miembro

    Fantastic story you write well precious congratulations, you are a faithful reader, fantastic illustrations, thank you very much for the post left to us.
    Receive a warm greeting.

  • Open your Eyes.

    What a beautiful reminder that even at our most happiest or sad we will always have the memories to show for it.

    Thank you.
    xxx.

  • mom24boys

    Angie–

    You are a beautiful miracle–not the miracle I prayed for you, but even bigger. Audrey’s reach is long…thank you for sharing.

  • Kathy

    What a gift God has given you!! I can actually feel God speaking to you through your life’s stories…You have touched soooo many in soooo many different ways! Your faith is AMAZING as I read your blogs I am thinking…maybe one day my faith will be there, I mean I have faith and Love the Lord, but I question how strong my faith really is at times. Thank you sooo very much for sharing….
    Kathy
    P.S. Your wedding picture is BEAUTIFUL!

  • gillian

    So thankful for your willingness to obey Him, listen to Him, and share with us. I went to the sweetest baby shower last night for 2 ladies in my church and we ended the night with a prayer time and then the hostess passes out 7X7 prayer sheets to everyone!!!

  • Sarah

    This is beautiful Angie.Thank you for bringing to words what my heart feels.

    You are a beautiful bride.

    Sarah

  • Chrissie, Christine, Chris, Mommy, Mama, Maaaaa…

    Angie,
    I have been lurking on your blog for quite a while now but this post made me want to write to you. I had a miscarriage in April. I mourned the loss of that baby and I still think about where I would be in my pregnancy and what it would be like to have 3 children here with me.
    In September my little boy Mike was diagnosed with an unidentifiable brain and spine tumor. We moved from Florida back to NY to be near our family and to have Mike be admitted to one of the best cancer facilities in the country. He is doing well and we are praying daily that the chemotherapy that we are pumping into his little body will work.
    Now, I am preparing a 3rd birthday party for Mike, of course it is for immediate family only since I can’t risk having Mike get sick around a whole lot of other kids… and the day that we could have it is my due date.
    I know that was God’s way of telling me that even though I wasn’t blessed with another child to love and hold here, and that there have been hard times and we have a long journey to go with Mike, it will be ok. It is because that baby’s time to be here was not now, now is the time I need to be with Mike and his big sister.
    Thank you so much for your amazing stories. You have given me hope for a strength that I didn’t know I had…
    God Bless you and your family.

    ~~Chrissie

    PS.. please feel free to read my blog as well… It is nowhere near as wonderful as yours but it tells Mike’s story and what we have been going through these past 2 months…
    http://chrissiesthinkingspot.blogspot.com

  • JennaBug

    Angie,
    Since I am a new wife, I prayed the 7×7 for my husband. He is currently going through the application process to become a policeman, and I was praying specially for his polygraph yesterday…it showed “signs of deception” in an area we know is clean. I could not understand why this happened. We are in finanacial anticipation for him to get a job…But then I realized, I was putting all of my trust in Paul’s abilities (he is a great guy :) ) and not in my God. So, the 7×7 prayer has been a way for me to love my husband, but also check my own heart. Thank you. And thank you for reminding me that this life is meant to be many colored to reveal the glory of God. You are a very dear sister.
    Jenn

  • Andrea

    This was beautiful and just what I needed to read this morning. Thank you.

  • Blueangels

    As a brand new bride I was so saddended to see my perfect white dress now hang with a black hem, the hem was my favorite part, and I was crushed to see the dirt and stains. I had been thinking of having it cleaned, but now I won’t, I will keep the simple reminder.
    You have such an amazing gift and have touched so many lives.

  • Julie

    What a glorious reminder!

  • mel

    that was so beautiful! i love how you can take cleaning closets and make it into such a beautiful story angie. you have a true and special gift.

  • Monica @ Writer Chic

    What a beautiful post….and on a completely less-eternal, more shallow note…we want to see more wedding pics! ;)

  • Pipsylou

    Ahhhhhh! Beautiful!

    I have been going through some grief-type stuff lately and it is so nice to know that it’s ok…that someday, we won’t all struggle with this.

  • Sarah

    My daughter Lillian just deemed you a “pwinses”

    Thank you for blessing me this morning. I am currently going through Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free” I have just finished the chapter entitled “Beauty from Ashes” in which they have a day entitled “To Be the Bride” Something in this section spoke greatly to me. Beth states: “Our Bridegroom sometimes leads us to difficult places, but we can trust Him always to have purpose in our stay and never to forsake us. Remember, Christ can’t lead us somewhere He refuses to go.”

    Christ is with us while our hem’s get dirty, when our knee’s get covered in mud, and when the tears in our eyes blur everything else.

    Redeemed!! Thank you Lord!

  • Living in Denver

    Angie, I am so touched by your blog. Thanks for sharing. I am Stephanie’s dad. Here’s a verse for you that I’ve just read: “I’ve learned in whatever state I am, to be content”, Phil 4:11

  • Crystal

    Angie,
    As usual your words have touched me. I am really not even sure where to start or what to say. I am sorry that you were filled with hurt these last few days but thankful you were reminded that one day you will see Audrey again. What an insightful and spiritual person you are to see your dirty hem as more than a dirt hem. Love and prayers to you, Angie.

    P.S. You looked beautiful on your wedding day. Absolutely beautiful. You may not have a size 21 waist now but you are still beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

  • Kim

    What a dress! Absolutely beautiful. I love your heart and ears for God’s prompting-it reminds me to listen.

  • kate

    I love that passage and cling to it many times. Oh, how I look forward to that day when we rest in God’s glory.

  • Penny

    It has been awhile since I has posted a comment but your in my prayers daily. You are such an insightful writer and your wit just adds to the content of your messages. In my heart I hope that you can experience the pure joy of a rainbow baby. Ours came by way of surrogate angel who begged us to allow her to carry a baby for us. She told us that God had been telling her to do this. We will forever be changed. I still grieve Mackenzie but I can be softened and honored to be the earthly Mom of Kendall along with our other kids.

  • Penny

    Oh, I almost forgot 7×7 is going well. My words are sometimes not exact words but I make efforts all day long to pray over and for my kids.

    Love that dress by the way……..

  • ME

    I love how God speaks to you it is always a beautiful picture!

  • Megan

    I am speechless…

  • Michelle P.

    Thank you for that. I sooo needed this post today :)

  • Susan

    This is beautiful and true.
    God Bless you today and always.

  • Kristy

    As always Angie, you lead me back to Him. Thank you.

  • Karen

    Angie,

    A week ago today was the first anniversary of the death of my friend’s husband in a car accident. She is still grieving, and really cannot imagine a day when she won’t miss him deeply and painfully. She has two sweet and amazing daughters. (They come by that naturally, from each parent. I cannot begin to describe how faithful this family is.) As I was thinking, praying, and crying for my friend in the past couple weeks, I began to realize that you still grieve Audrey. Of course I knew this, but reading your blog, your life has gone on, out of necessity. By that I mean, you have three other girls who need you present, and you are. And from a regular reader of your blog, it can be easy to forget the reason I first stumbled across your blog in the first place. The title of your blog is still ‘Bring The Rain.’ You are still grieving your baby. It may even last a lifetime. I love to think of it as a new normal. You were forever changed. You cannot possibly go back to feeling the way you felt about life before Audrey entered your life. You have a new normal. I promise to never again take for granted your grieving and why I am at this page dedicated to your baby. Sure, I will still be changed and refreshed when I leave this page, but I will also remember you are a mother choosing to be changed because of what you are going through. Thank you for choosing to be used by this and not be bitter.

  • Hope Wilson

    I honestly think you ought to compile your posts & publish a devotional book – just a suggestion :-) beautifully written…

  • Cheffie-Mom

    I came over from Julie’s blog. I’m so glad I did. This post is beautifully written. Thank you for sharing this.

  • Amy

    Angie,
    The Lord has blessed you with the gift of writing and insight. I am SO glad He did!

  • Phil and Beth

    Once again a post that touches my heart. Thank you!

  • Sara

    Forget that 21 inch waist! Girl, you were putting away the maternity clothes, and in my world, that means success! :) I still have a few elastic-friendly outfits I probably shouldn’t still be wearing…

  • Jennifer Wiser

    thank you so much for the way you bring beautiful pictures to our minds about our sweet Jesus and the life we can live so fully and completely in Him each day. Your way with words helps me so much to visualize all I have known my whole life to be true – but you help me grasp it in a new and fresh way. Thank you for reminding me today of the sweet love of our Lord. and by the way, Audra – a beautiful name – the name of our precious daughter who is seven.

  • Kate

    I preserved my wedding dress too! I kind of want to get it out and take a look! :)

    I love the images that are filling my mind now. Thank you, Angie!

    Just an idea-take the clothes and blankets that bring special memories and cut them into pieces. They can then be used to make a “quilt”. My mom did this with my brother’s sport’s shirts and jersey’s from H.S. and he (now a grown man and father) couldn’t even speak through the tears. I have been saving things to make (actually that should read so my mother-in-law can make!) a quilt for my kids so I can remember to tell them stories and moments that are so precious!

  • Brittanie

    I have had so many of those moments in the past 17 months since my sweet little Erin was born. Every time she does something new, the back of mind aches because I missed this with Cora.

    I have those griefbursts too. I’m told they’re normal.

    And that scripture is one of my favorites. I go back to it many times, at those worst moments, when my heart is breaking all over again.

    I’m glad that the Lord is with you as He has been with me. I’m glad you listened.

    ((hugs))

  • Emily

    simply amazing and heartfelt.
    thank you

  • lpete307

    Angie, you bring me back to God when I need him most. Thank you for your witness

  • Alaine

    Thanks for the tears again Angie :*) I feel so blessed to be able to read your words. I had a hard time giving up my boys’ little clothes, too. I didn’t lose a child but just knowing I would never hold another baby of my own made it hard. I ended up keeping a few that meant the most to me. Have you thought of making a quilt out of some of your girls’?

  • Misty

    What a beautiful post! It is incredible! You are so insightful!

  • Amanda

    As I sit here reading this post I wept. Thank you so much for being so transparent…God is using you in ways that you don’t even know.

    My love and prayers are sent to you and your precious family.

  • Wendy Bradstreet

    Thank you for that. We just passed our 4th birthday on Nov. 5th without Megan here to celebrate it, and it still hits you like a ton of bricks. The tears and the heartache will still come out of nowhere and leave you wondering if it didn’t just happen yesterday. What really helped me with your blog today was the wedding dress. Megan was the flower girl in her uncle’s wedding 18 months before she died and was supposed to be the flower girl in her aunt’s wedding the same weekend she went home to Jesus. My sister-in-law bought her a beautiful dress to match her wedding dress that Megan loved!! And she was able to fit into it even a year later. Because she loved the dress so much we buried her in it. I wish I was there to see our beautiful “bride” when she met Jesus! Thank you for making that visual so vivid!

  • Natalie

    I love the 7×7 prayer. Thank you so much for sharing it with us!

  • Stephanie

    absolutely beautiful… amazing words speaking about our savior. I loved this post!!!!!!!!

  • diana

    That was beautiful. Thank you. I was going to give away my wedding dress that is hanging in the bag of my closet. I think I will take a look at it today!
    Diana

  • Christy

    You have been given such a gift to write about the most “normal” things and remind us of such wonderful truths. I too hate the changing of the seasons closet clean outs and remember all the outfits by what happened in them (makes it very hard to throw things out.)
    I did the 7X7, but didn’t always have my cards with me. So, I knew it was a time to pray, but just didn’t always have the scriptures that correlated with them.
    Love the picture of your wedding day. I sometimes have a hard time remembering the skinny woman in the pictures (four kids takes a lot out of a body!) but I still love to look at pictures!

  • Lorri

    I had a spiritual “clean out your closet” moment once too. As I removed old items, God said, “Behold, I make all things new.”

    The other thing I thought of while reading your post today was “store up for yourselves treasures in Heaven…” It seems that is what you have unknowingly done. Thank you for sharing your walk with us.

    Love, Lorri S.

  • noahandlylasmommi

    Wow your waist was tiny ;) You looked beautiful!!!

  • Heidi P

    Thank you, Angie, for redirecting my eyes to Him. May every day be breathless with anticipation.

  • Ashley

    You are filled with incredible insight and wisdom. Reading this entry filled my heart with hope, I have been feeling hopeless and sad. Every entry I read of yours brings me peace and reassurance that everything will be ok. Thank you.

  • Meredith Chamberlin

    thank you that was beautiful.

    the 7×7 prayers have been instrumental this past week at our home. my 3 yr old keeps saying”pray the verses momma!” i have found both of us memorizing them and i love it. i put them up near the bathtub, on her dresser, on the back door, by her nightstand, etc. thank you, you are an amazing mother and child of God.

  • Megan

    Beautiful. Thank you.

    (PS – I didn’t have a 21 inch waist when I was born. I’m just sayin’.)

  • Breeanne

    I got married on Saturday and I truly regard it as one of the most spiritual moments of my life. What beautiful symbolism regarding something still so tender and precious to me. Thank you thank you.

  • Juli

    I have been reading your blog for some time now, but have never commented. I just have to say that you always have such a beautiful way of describing God’s love for us. Thank you for listening and obeying. Thank you for giving us the blessing of your testimony and how Jesus blesses you. I will say that your blog has definately been inspirational in my own walk and quite refreshing. Thank you.

  • Wendy

    What a lovely post, and a beautiful reminder of the joy that waits for us when we have finished pressing on through this life. You really do have a gift for encouraging others through your insights and expression.

  • Rebekah Walker

    I have so missed your posts and the way you make me feel when I read them. Thinking of you.

  • Fern

    Tears rolled down my face as I read this! Thanks for the great reminder!

  • Dani

    I have to say that I think you are just simply amazing! I am sure you know…but Audrey is just an amazing precious girl. She has been used of God in ways I am sure you may have never imagine. You have such a heart to hear the Lord. You show me what it means to really walk with God. How it looks to fully obey him even when it seems so out of the ordinary. You are an encouragement and a role model for me and I can’t even begin to thank God enough for allowing me to be apart of your life. I told Jessica T. the other day that it feels like ya’ll are my older sisters that I don’t have. I love you very much and Have no way of explaining it other than God. I feel like I can tell you anything and you will give me the best advice you have. I can’t wait to meet you and Todd and your sweet precious girls (all of them) one day. I know I will. I just know it. :)

    Until then…..

    Love of cyber love and hugs,
    Dani :) :)

  • In need of change

    I am so excited about this blog. The Lord brought you to me at the exact right timing (surprise, surprise). Thank you for being willing to share your life so openly as an encouragement to others. And, as someone who is a lover of life, thank you for fearing and loving the Lord above all else.

  • Melanie

    Thank you so much Angie for writing this post! The Lord surely did speak to me thru your post and I praise Him! Last night as I lay to “try” and sleep I just cried as my hubby laid beside me watching tv without him knowing I was weeping and praying in my mind that the Lord will take all this grieving from me. I miscarried in March and well it was my first baby. All I could do last night was cry which I usually do because I have my days where all I want to do is cry. I just kept telling the Lord that I hate the way im feeling and that I need Him to take over cause I can’t do it anymore.

    Again thank you for this post!

  • ~ shi ~

    Angie

    I have a poem I would like to give you that I found very comforting,that was given to me when my son died by my Great Aunt who been givenit when her grown son died, and even tho it has been 27 years since my son died, it still brings me comfort…I hope you and your husband will find some little bit of comfort from it also…

    “I’ll lend you for a little time”

    I’ll lend you for a little time, a child of mine He said;
    For you to love the while she lives and mourns for when she’s dead.
    It may be six or seven years, or twenty two or three,
    But will you till I call her home, take care of her for me?
    She’ll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay be brief,
    You’ll have her lovely memories, as solace for your grief.

    I can not promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
    But there are lessons taught down there, I want this child to learn,
    I’ve looked the wide world over, in my search for teachers true,
    and from the throngs that crowd life’s lanes, I have selected you!
    Now will you give her all your love?
    Nor think the labor vain,
    Nor hate me when I come to call, to take her home again.

    I fancied that I heard them say:
    “Dear Lord Thy Will be done,
    For all the joy the child shall bring, the risk of grief we’ll run,
    Well shelter her with tenderness,
    We’ll love her while we may, and for the happiness we’ve known,
    Forever grateful stay”
    But should the angles call her much sooner than we’ve planned,
    We’ll have the bitter grief that comes
    and try to understand.

    ~ Edgar A. Guest ~

    god Bless you as you continue to find strength to walk this path :)
    Shi

  • -brittany-

    a beautiful illustration. love it! 7X7 is going great. The button is on my blog as a constant reminder for myself. Thank you for this.

  • Jenna

    The word that comes to mind as I read this post is GORGEOUS. You have such a gorgeous heart, these words were just beautiful, and that DRESS – AMAZING!

    And what the Lord is doing through you? BEYOND gorgeous.

  • Laura

    So beautiful! I weep for your tears of loss, Angie!

  • pakosta

    The Lord is sure using you to bring so many people closer to Him. Nothing more awesome than that! you sure have a way with words and you sure are so insightful! nobody should have to bury a child, I am so sorry for your pain and loss of your sweet audry….God bless you and thank you for sharing!
    tara

  • linda t

    Tears are pouring down my face.
    What a profoundly moving post.
    You give so many of us hope as we look to Him… awaiting the time when He will wipe our tears and He will be all that matters… for eternity.

    Thank you sooo much Angie.

  • Inkling

    Thank you for such a profound and eloquent post. I needed to hear this. I just found out yesterday at my 32 week appointment that there is something “unusual” that requires an ultrasound (and in Canada, they don’t give those out lightly). Now I am waiting to hear from the hospital that will fit me in on their urgent list within the next week. While I’m waiting, I’m wrestling my darndest to trust that Jesus loves this baby more than me and that His goodness means I can trust Him with my baby no matter what. And I feel like the hem of my garment is a mess too. At first I was judging myself as being foolish to not just relax and trust Him easily – to keep my dress immaculate, so to speak. But now I realize that I don’t have to keep it perfect. That’s not what He cares about. He just wants me to run to Him and leap into His arms – even if my nose is running with tears and the heartburn meds they have me on are giving me horrid stomach-bug-like symptoms. He still wants to be close to me. I needed to know that.

  • bri

    I used to have those days a lot after our children were born and later passed away. It is getting somewhat easier (after almost 2 years) but it is still fresh for you and the pain is still very new. Allow yourself much time and know that through the days there are things you are going to have to grieve little by little until it is finally all over but the fond memories of the happiness she brought you on the day she was born! Pain never ceases but it is easier to deal with eventually. You will too get there! Praying for days like these to be fewer and further between! Blessings

  • ~ shi ~

    Hi Angie,

    I was want to ask you something in a little private setting, is there a chance you would e-me? If so here is my E-mail address
    skowing@hotmail.com
    I have also lost a son to SIDS and wanted to talk with someone else that has also shared that sad experiance, any way if your interested…thanks Shi~

  • Tamara

    Thank you for reminding me of truth.

  • Erin

    The story was amazing. But the picture is breathtaking – you were an absolutely gorgeous bride!

  • Diane

    Oh my GOODNESS you looked beautiful on your wedding day, Angie! :)

    Thanks for your post. I have never lost a child (I do have a 16 month old), but lately I have been struggling with grief concerning my beloved and only aunt who died the day before my wedding. She had cancer and as thankful as I was/am it is no more, I have been struggling intensly with it… and it’s exactly like you said… one moment I am fine, the next I am bawling like a newborn baby.

    Thank you for not making me feel so alone on my own journey. :)

  • ~*Michelle*~

    Once again, Angie….the Glory of God shines through your words…..you are an amazing woman, mother, wife….child of The Most High. You are a gift and a blessing to so many.

    Peace and love
    Michelle

  • lora

    You have a natural talent for writing.
    Have you ever thought of writing a book?
    Thank you for keeping this blog open for all of us to glean from :)
    lora

  • Cheri

    beautiful

  • mjenks

    This was such a wonderful illustration of the subtle way God has of reminding us that no matter how dirty the pain and troubles of our lives, He will one day wipe our tears and make us whole…healing our hearts along with our “dirty hems”. I’ll never look at dirty clothes the same way! :)

    As a side note, (and I hope this comes out the way that I intend it)I was looking at the sidebar pictures of your girls and noticed that you have “our Ellie and Abby” and “our Kate” for your first precious miracles, but only “Audrey Caroline” for the wonderful blessing of your youngest baby girl. Then, I thought, wow…while you still have Ellie, Abby, and Kate to hold here on earth, they are still “yours”. However, while sweet Audrey is still yours, she is now in all her glory with God – hence, the absence of the word “our” under her picture.

    I don’t know if that was intentional or not, just an observation by me and a chance to get a little glimpse of heaven as I pictured God showing you exactly where baby Audrey is when you finally get to see Him and ask her that question, “Where is she?” I pictured her running up to you with a huge smile and hug. I also pictured the instant realization that you might have in knowing that she has been safe all that time because she was (is) HIS in Heaven while no longer being yours to hold here on earth.

    I also imagined seeing my baby that I never got to know due to an early miscarriage. What a wonderful time that will be…thousands of mommas reunited with their babies!

  • doo-dah

    Thanks for the words and for sharing with us. Your willingness to be intune to God speaking is a blessing.

  • Liz

    I would venture to say this is your best post yet…they are all so awesome…but I LOVE this one! I can’t even tell you how much it spoke to me…. Thank-you for sharing your heart.

  • Carolyn

    This post took my breath away in so many ways.
    thank you

  • Diana

    Praise be to the God of heaven who truly does speak to his children, even today. And blessings to you for your willingness to be spomen through.

  • Dustybug

    Absolutely beautiful. I am constantly in awe at how much God can ease our fears and pains with something we think so simple.

    My 7 x 7 prayers are going pretty well. I printed them out and put them on index cards and then stuck them all over the house in the places that we do the things that are listed(waking up, eating, bathing, etc.)

    BTW, I gave you an award over at my blog, if you would like to come check it out.

    God bless.

  • Jeanine

    I feel like I walked through those memories with you. You are so gifted as a writer, and I just want to thank you for sharing these sweet visions the Lord gives you. This one made me want to run to Him and jump up into His arms!

  • Chantelle

    I was just introduced to your blog a couple days ago, and it was an awakening for me. I am a firm believer in God and its refreshing to hear you speak so genuinely of Him and the faith that you have. I feel in this world it is hard to find people like you.
    But I have an 11 month old and I am due to go back to work in just over a month after being on maternity leave. I am having such a hard time with it,because I feel like I am losing myself as a mother because I have to work and that my position as a mother is going to “end” in a month. But after reading your story of Audrey I am looking at things differently. Eventhough its unfortunate that I have to work, its a blessing that I have my baby girl and that I will always be her mommy. She will always need me. I am not losing her. So I am making sure i never take for granted to minutes and hours I do have with her now and will cherish the moments I will have with her when I do have to go back to work. Thank you for your genuineness Angie. You seem like a wonderful woman of faith!

  • Amy

    Angie,

    I am in tears.

    Thank you for the reminder of who the God we serve is.

    Amy

  • Kristy

    Angie, this was such an emotional (for all of us) post – absolutely beautiful. Thank you so much for the image you have given. It’s a visual that I don’t think we will easily forget – walking around with our gowns and dirty hems – straight to Him.

  • Melisa

    what a glorious post. thanks for sharing your stories. i cry every time i read your blog..in a good way.

  • Laura

    So beautiful…waiting to ask God the same question with you…I just know my Pearl will be peeking her sweet face from behind His legs and I will run and scoop her up right away!

  • Dianne

    Angie-everytime I read the title of your blog, I think of this song. It is one of my favorite and is sung by an LDS singer. The title is “Sometimes He lets it Rain”
    She sees the storm clouds gather-the sky is turning and gray.
    She know that somethings coming,
    When she starts to feel this way.
    She pleads for intervention,
    but Heaven offers no relief,
    And she would understand if she could only see…
    Sometimes, he lets it rain,
    He lets the fierce winds blow.
    Sometimes it takes a storm
    to lead a heart where it can grow.
    He can move mountains of grief
    and oceans of pain…
    But sometimes He lets it rain.
    When her heart surrenders
    to the Master in control-
    Her spirit learns the lessons,
    from the tempest in her soul.
    When it’s no longer raging,
    she can see how far she’s come,
    through the wisdom and the Mercy of the Son.
    Sometimes He lets it rain,
    He lets the fierce winds blow,
    Sometimes it takes a storm to lead a heart where it can grow.
    He can move mountains of grief
    and oceans of pain…
    But sometimes he LETS it rain.
    He lets it rain (There is no joy without the pain)
    Sometimes He has to let it rain (There is no joy without the pain)
    I love the words and the truth it speaks! Good luck with your healing and for all of those you help with your faith! Poulson’s Potato Patch-Idaho

  • Mindy

    you always make me cry!

  • michelle

    you are such a blessing angie.

  • Stephanie Click

    Thank you for the reminder … boy, did I need it!!!

    PS – I see my life in pictures as well. I’ve always thought it was odd, but I’m so glad that I do. It’s like a scrapbook in my head 24 hours a day that I can call up on command :)

  • Kate

    I’ve been praying the 7×7 verses with and over my 5 year old and for my teenagers. The beginning was a little rough with the youngest, where he would get downright silly, but it has really become a wonderful thing. He is excited about hearing the prayers and has grown in his own ability to pray.

    The verses have also given us an opening to talk more about God as he asks what certain words mean. It has really been a blessing to me. Thanks!

  • Jennie Bender

    Dear Angie,
    I wrote these same words for the same reason this fall. Firsts are always hard. I still find myself in “first” tears after two years. They come at you suddenly.

    Praying for you. God has His purpose. I don’t understand these pages he has written in my life or yours, but I know He is always good. He has been faithful in every step of my tear filled journey. He has taught me many lessons through my sweet girls brief life. I am a better Christian, wife, and mother because of knowing her, even if it was just for a moment.

    Love to you and yours,
    Jennie

    ps–the children seated beside me in the picture are children of my childhood friend, April(on my lap is my daughter, Sabrina). Her husband died suddenly in the night three years ago. I wrote this for her and for me. I was expecting with Elaine at the time , this was days before the doctor told us Elaine was trisomy 18.

    http://benderparty.blogspot.com/2008/09/and-i-saw-new-heaven-and-new-earth-for.html

  • Tonya Gray

    Thank you…a much needed new perspective!

  • Debbie

    You are such a blessing and GOD is using you in ways you cannot even imagine!! Thank you for your honesty and sharing. WELL SAID!!

    Time will heal the hurts, but GOD is in control. Thank you for being so open to what God is showing you in your life and for sharing it with all of us!!

    Bless you!!

  • karen44

    What a glorious hem surrounds us all. It follows us wherever we go, gathering up pieces of this life in anticipation of the next.

    This says it all. (You’ve got the heart of a poet, Angie! ;o)
    -karen l.

  • The Venturas

    I probably won’t be having anymore children. I wish I could, but it’s God’s plan, not mine, that’s perfect. I decided to make a blanket out of my girl’s baby clothes so that I could reminece. I am making the blanket myself and every time I cut fabric out of those sweet outfits I cried.
    After a good day of cutting and bawling God reminded me that we live this life so that we may live the next with him. As sweet as these moments are and as bitter as the moments of what could have been our sweetest moments are yet to come with Him.
    Your darling girl is with Him, patiently waiting for you to join her, all the while tangibly feeling our saviors love.
    Thank you for sharing your walk with the Lord.

  • Melissa Irwin

    i am so amazed by you. i love Jesus too, but i also love to see Him through your eyes.

  • we are josh & annie

    how beautiful. remarkable reminder. you have brought me to tears at my desk at work on this fine friday afternoon! thank you for sharing your heart and your gift from God.

  • Carla Burlando

    Thankyou for that beautiful picture you just painted for me. Our hem does get a little diry while we live and wait for our bride groom. I had to laugh about the size 2 jeans…I just finally put my size 2′s away too after 4 kids I just don’t want that hanging over my head anymore :) Time to accept reality. Hang in there Ang, those waves of grief will come less frequently with time. You are doing a wonderful job of processing it all and sharing your journey. I finally got up the nerve to share pictures of my little Samuel and my experience of carrying a baby considered “not compatible with life”. It only took 8 years :) Its on my blog..I’m not nearly as eloquent as you though :)

  • Carla Burlando

    p.s.
    I put a link of the prayers on my blog and have been praying them with my kids. ITs been kind of hit and miss but the times I have prayed the verses over them has been really special and the kids actually listened. They have even initiated some good questions and comments on their end.

  • Marla Taviano

    Awesome. So awesome. I just finished up Beth Moore’s A Woman’s Heart: God’s Dwelling Place yesterday afternoon. She read those same verses. God is so good. I can’t wait to be with Him in glory!

  • Lori

    AGAIN…you are amazing. Your words just flow.
    Thank you for the 7×7 idea, I even wrote them down for my husband and put them in his car so he can pray for our boys throughout the day.

  • Lisa D :)

    That post was so beautiful Angie. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You have such a way with words, it’s amazing. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

  • Marc and Charity

    Beautiful post Angie, thank you so much.

    And I failed miserably at the 7×7 praying this week :( But I will do beter!!!

  • Ang

    Thank you so much for that!! I needed that today!

  • Karen Deborah

    beautiful thoughts I was praying for the Lord to heal this hurt for you this week. I asked hum to bless you with more children. I know there are no replacements, would’nt even dream of that. She is already there with him. You are so precious and you’ll see your little baby again, and I will see mine.

  • Erin

    This was a particularly moving post for me to read. I am no longer married. When I looked at my wedding dress in the past, all I saw was the failure of two people to keep the covenant they made with each other. Now, you’ve given me a different way to look at that precious garment.

    A garment that I wore on my wedding day that inevitably led to the birth of my beloved son.

    Thank you.

  • Mom on a coulee

    Thank you Angie, so touching, I could barely read through the tears. I grieve the loss of my children through miscarriage and find myself at the pit of despair at the strangest times. We are building a new house and we move in on Tuesday, I should be ecstatic but find I just miss the other two little people that I oh so want to be moving into the house with us. But I know they are in a much greater house and I am trying to let God’s plan be the one I follow. Your pain is so real and they way you share is so powerful. This story of the hem is one I won’t soon forget as I have also looked at the hem of my wedding dress and can totally relate, won’t it be glorious the day God returns our gown to the pure white it once was.
    Thanks so much for sharing and letting yourself be used in such strong ways by God.

  • AmandaHoyt

    Beautiful post, Angie. Thank you for the reminder that He is here with me all the time.
    Hugs and prayers,
    Amanda

  • Elaine

    This was amazing. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

  • Elaine

    Ooops it is me again. Sorry I forgot to mention for some reason I could not grab the 7×7 button. It gives me a protection error.

  • Joy

    That was so good, girl. I needed to hear that. Beautifully put.

  • Mae

    Wow! I have known since I found your blog that God is using you for amazing things. And this entry proved that I was wrong. He’s using you for extraordinary things!

    Wonderful…

  • Jenn

    So true, so real thank you. The 7 by 7 prays were totally being forgotten so I decided to do what Kate does on Jon and Kate plus 8. I’ve seen verses posted all over their house so I took the cards and taped them to the wall near the corresponding activity. Now every time I see them I think to pray. Hopefully I’ll eventually have them memorized.

  • Stacey

    Oh Angie I know just how you feel! It is strange how things can set us off to tears. After Philip passed I felt so guilty for living without him that I cried everytime I ate…for months. I would have given myself if it could have saved him, but I knew it wasn’t my time yet…I still had life to live. I still get struck sometimes at commercials or when I see special children out and about. They are so beautiful, like my Philip, it always makes my heart ache. Thank you for your encouraging words (through the tears). You have such a gift. Thank you for blessing me by sharing it.
    ~Stacey

  • Kelly

    Angie,

    I praise the Lord for the gift He has given you. When I read your words, I find myself barely breathing from the beauty and from the way the Lord speaks through you…directly to my heart. What an amazing gift you have been given…and what an amazing gift you are. Thank you for sharing your heart, so beautifully, so honestly, and so purely. And thank you for your willingness to use the gift He’s given you to encourage the hearts of so many. Amazing…

    Kelly Gerken
    http://sufficientgrace-kelly.blogspot.com

  • Amie

    I sit here crying as I read your post! I'm crying b/c:
    A: I had my dress cleaned & preserved! How I would love to see the dirt & smell the smells of that day! I know I had dirt on mine b/c I'm 5 foot tall & choose to wear really high heels b/c my groom is 6 foot!
    B: I lost a baby over a year ago & my eyes have never been so set on heaven as they are now. I want to bow & worship the King, but I also want to ask "where is he?"

    Thank you!

  • RandB

    Thank you for putting together the 7×7 scriptures. I have said them the past week over my children, 3 and 1. They have loved hearing them and my 3yr old and I have already memorized much of the verses! Your gift of sharing your faith journey is a blessing to so many. Thank you for opening your heart and life to us all.

  • neverforsaked

    Angie,
    You had me in tears again, and I am not a crier! I second the suggestion to compile some of these entries into a devotional book. You’ll never fully know the impact you are having on people by sharing your life with us in this blog.

    Also, as a side note, I am so jealous that Kerri got to meet you at Chick-Fil-A today for two reasons, #1, I’d love to meet you, and #2, I wish we had a Chick-Fil-A here……

  • Jenileigh

    I love reading your writing you have such a poetic way of wording things. I fall into your life as I read, I feel your pain and cry your tears even though I’ve never walked a step in your shoes. I love how our Father speaks to you, I love the visions He shares with you, and I thank-you for sharing that with me.

    Hugs Angie. Big ones.

  • Kristina Petrella

    thank you for uncovering your life so clearly for all of us….and right after Jesus wipes away your tears you are going to hear him say something along the lines of “Well done, my good and faithful servant, Angie.” You have allowed God to take your tragedy and turn it into his beautiful glory…thanks again, Angie

  • Cristi

    Almost speechless after that post. Thank you so much for writing it. Thank you, for it spoke to my daughter. Thank you.

  • Daron and Theresa

    As i sit here with tears rolling down my face, I just want to comment on how much this blog means to me. You have no idea how many people you have reached with your words Angie, and even though I don’t know you, I just want you to know that you have blessed me through your words…through the Lord who obviously shines through them! Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts, your opinions, your wisdom and the pictures of your beautiful family. My son lived for 3 hours after he was delivered in 1989, and even though it was so long ago, the ache is still there. Yet, through your words in your blog, I have found almost a balm or a peace that I haven’t felt in years. Thank you for your words! Thank you for sharing everything! It means the world to me and I look forward to reading every day

  • Andrea @ Mommy Snacks

    Wow – whenever I come here I’m determined NOT to cry…but then the tears come!!!!

    But, they are tears in reverence to an amazing God whom I too cannot wait to have wipe my tears away..and take me to my loved ones that has gone before me!

    Angie – you were a beautiful bride and truly a beautiful soul (and funny too – that’s important :-) .

    You are lucky to have a friend like Audra who has been with you through happiness and grief – those friends are truly precious…I have just one and I treasure her to no end! God truly puts them in that place as a soul sister!

  • Karen and Shane

    Love it. So beautiful…you and the post..and how God is working in you! Praise Him!!! :)
    working on the 7×7!

  • 2dayisgood

    i started reading your blog in the summer. your words are so powerful and teach me so much. i thank you for your witness of God’s incredible love. i have grown stronger because of the strength i have seen within you that shines through your inspiring words. i also see life in photographs and i have tears flowing now because of some of the memories you have reminded me of. God Bless you and your beautiful family.

  • whitey

    Beautifully written.

  • Erin

    Your words have been on my mind. You are such a beautiful writer. I never thought of meeting the Lord in that way, but I love it! I pray you won’t have to ask the Lord where your sweet Audrey is, but that she is the first thing you see when you enter Heaven; with a big smile on her face and her arms open for a huge embrace.

  • Talysa

    I just read through this again…wanting to remember some of the truths you wrote about…and I happened to click on your photo….oh my word! Seriously, you look prettier than any princess I’ve seen! Beautiful!

  • Kelly

    i’ve been so blessed by this post. I see my life so much as photographs too…. May the Lord grant you peace and joy as you trust in Him. Praying for you this day. Your words were sheer beauty. I know it’s the Lord. :)

  • Kelly

    Oh, and I LOVE the 7×7 verses. I just got out my cards and wrote verses for my three girls. So wonderful.

  • Catherine

    What a beautiful beautiful post. I have left comments before but I heav to tell you AGAIN…you have an amazing way with words!!!! WOW!

  • Cassie

    Angie…

    It may seem weird that a twelve-year-old would be reading your blog but a friend told me about it a few weeks ago and now I check it everyday!

    I’m not a Mommy and I definitly don’t know what its like to lose my own baby girl, but I did lose a dear, precious friend 3 years ago in car wreck. I know at least a little of the pain that you must be dealing with. My heart aches for you, Todd, and the girls. Trust Him and believe that he will sustain you, and he will do the rest.
    Thank you SO much for sharing your life. You have blessed me so much over the past few weeks…

    Your Little Sister in Christ,
    Kate

    ps. By the way, I don’t have a blog so I am using my sister’s account, so thats why it says Cassie instead of Kate:)

  • Becoming Me

    That was so beautiful…thank you for sharing your most intimate moments with the savior…they bless so many

  • heather

    You are a fabulous writer! Your words and stories bless me so much, giving me strength to wait for the glorious hope that will be someday.

  • JMom

    beautiful, indeed.

  • LisaR

    My sister lost her only son 2 weeks ago today. She is devasted. He was killed in a car accident 2 minutes from home. My sister will never be the same. None of us will. I loved him like my own and we are all struggling with the whys and the anger. I am so sad. Please add us to your prayers. Thank you for your words, they have meant so much to me.

  • Sun

    WOW – this is an amazing post. I laughed at the “but then I remembered that the God of the universe was speaking to me (clap!clap)” and then cried through the rest of it. You are one of the most beautiful brides that I have EVER seen – thank you SO much for sharing your heart here. Sunshine

  • Sun

    OH I forgot I am still working on becoming consistent with the 7X7 – before I read your idea here I knew that I needed to become more consistent about praying for my girls – this idea is SO practical because even if I forget to do it – as I am helping them get dressed in the morning I remember OH YEAH – pray over them! It is such a great way for me to help Scripture tie into life – it gives me a picture of what the Word is saying (did that make any sense?) :) Thank you SO much for sharing it here! Sunshine

  • Holly

    Beaiutiful Wedding picture… As always, thank you for blogging… I love reading your thoughts and God’s word poured out in yours.. thank you.

  • Danielle Holsapple

    I so can relate to grief knocking you over your head out of nowhere. I lost my precious baby boy nearly 8.5 months ago and it will hit me out of nowhere too. Thank you for your comforting words and reminding me that HE will make all things new.

  • Michelle

    I feel so much from reading your blogs.
    You are such an inspiration.

    And you were a gorgeous bride.
    WOW…very pretty.

  • michelle

    What a beautiful story, it brought tears to my eyes. The Lord speaks to you in so many ways and that is so amazing to me, and you looked absolutely stunning in your wedding gown, it is beautiful!

  • Paula

    At 2:20 a.m. and unable to sleep, I wandered onto your blog tonight (this morning?) from a friend’s link. Your story touched me in so many ways on so many levels that I was moved to tears. Your faith in God and your ability to move forward after such heartbreak is a testament to us all. On a personal level, my husband and I are coping with infertility. For me, the thought of never knowing what it feels like to carry a child inside me has been devastating, but how selfish that all seems after reading your story. We are now in the process of adopting, and I know that God has led us to this place, to the agency we have chosen, and is helping me daily heal from the heartbreak caused by infertility. I am so happy to hear that you, too, are considering adoption to add to your beautiful family. Thank you so much for sharing your story with all of us. ~Paula – http://www.thewhisenants.blogspot.com

  • Donna Kay

    I’ve ready every entry. Sometimes I laughed. . .many times I’ve cried.

    I’ve known Him like you, but only “at times”. I want to know Him like you, every day. That is what I want.

  • Joy

    Isn’t it amazing how you’re writing something, wondering if it will touch one of your readers… Every single post you write always touches me in some way.

    But today is different.

    I am pregnant and my progesterone kept dropping. They *FINALLY* put me on supplements when I started bleeding. While the pills helped the progesterone, my HCG took a nose-dive.

    I feel like I’m in a really dark hour, in a valley, and so hopeless as I await more tests to see if my little one even has a beating heart.

    Have you thought of making a quilt with some of your cherished pieces of clothing for each of your girls? I know I cry when I pack away my girls’ clothes or give them away.

  • Amy

    Very powerful Thanks for sharing….

  • Jenny Morlang

    i wish i could be more like u. a better christian, mother, wife, person. i wish instead of asking GOD why, i thank him and try to find healing in his words. thank u for being u. thank u for being a person i strive to be.

  • Jenna J.

    Absolutely beautiful, Angie. It is so amazing when God speaks in the most unique of ways… May He continue to comfort your heart and bless you with His strength. You are loved, my friend. Please never forget.
    Love you,
    Jenna Johnson

  • heather

    Sweet Sister,
    Thanks so much for sharing your heart. You are touching so many lives…i pray for you regularly…for your sweet family…for healing…and for your ministry. Thank you for choosing Him and being to walk through this valley with others “watching” and learning how faithful He is…and how beautiful a surrendered life is.

    on a side note, have you considered making a quilt out of those sweet outfits? i have been planning to do this for my children out of a few of my favorite outfits…or maybe have them made. I just think I might want one for myself to hug once they grow up. :) It is happening way too fast.

    Press on, sweet sister.

  • heather

    Sweet Sister,
    Thank you for your service to our precious Lord. Thank you for being willing to walk through the valleys with many “watching” and learning how faithful our God is…and how beautiful a life of surrender and trust is. i am praying for you…your sweet family..for healing…and your ministry.

    on a side note, have you considered maybe making a quilt out of those sweet outfits? i intend to make a quilt for my children…although i may be 70 before i get it done. i think i will want one for myself though too…for when they grow up and i long for those slobbery kisses and unrestrained childish laughter.

    press on, sweet sister.

  • Melissa

    I love the vulnerabilty and the beauty of your words. Thank you for allowing God to speak through you in such an amazing way.

  • Raelyn

    Your writing is simply priceless! It helps me in so many ways.
    So I thank you!

  • Amanda in RI

    Angie,

    Just had to tell you that the first THREE times I read this post, I thought the title was “The Glorious HAM”. :) I could not for the life of me figure out what you meant.

    Duh. Chalk it up to a serious case of mommy-brain.

    Hope this made you smile, because I sure laughed at myself!

  • My 5 Boyz

    I haven’t read all your comments (I really don’t know how you read the many comments that you get! or if you’ll ever get to read this one.
    But as I sorted out my last boy’s baby clothes (boy #5) I too remembered every event, and memory that each outfit held in my heart. So, I decided to keep those outfits that meant the most and cut a piece of them and make a quilt. It will have a piece of every outfit each boy wore home from the hospital and other ones that were special to me.
    I know I wouldn’t get around to making a shadow box for every boy, but this is doable to me and I hope that maybe you can do something similar with some of the special clothing your girls wore without having to give them all away.

    And thank you for reminding me of our hem. That is how I usually see Jesus and myself, like a princess in front of her King with a beautiful dress at His feet.

    My wedding dress (which was a size 4 at the time) (5 pregnancies ago) is dirty also with grass stains, I never got it cleaned and my zipper broke as I tossed the bouquet backwards.

  • The Greens

    Sure love your blog. We left you something on our blog today: kidjunkies.blogspot.com

  • Wielding the Sword

    Angie,

    I paid tribute in part to you and women like you on my blog today, November 17th entry. You have blessed me. I praise God for you.

    -Carly-

  • Adventures in Swaisie Land

    Your blog never fails to uplift and inspire me. Thank you for your transparency.

  • Jaxon’s Mommy

    Thank you. I needed that this morning…

  • stephanie joy

    i’m a new reader but an old believer. however, i’m still awed each and every day how the Lord reveals Himself to us. you have a way with words and i can truly say that the Holy Spirit uses your blog to touch so many women. it encourages me and gives me insight into my own spiritual journey. thank you for sharing so candidly. i know i’m not the only one that says i appreciate it. may God continue to bless you and give you joy.

  • Elena

    Your wedding day indeed was beautiful. I am honored and privileged to have been in the audience, though you didn’t know me well.

    The story of your lives — you, Todd, and the girls — continues to bless me 7-plus years later.

    Keep writing, girl. God has given you a gift!

    Thanks for sharing what He is showing you and teaching you.

    ~ Andi H. from the FBCNash singles group ~

  • MomE

    I was so inspired by 7X7 that I shared it with my ladies bible study. I even retyped it with my kid’s names in it to make it easier for myself. I did warn the group that if they checked out your blog to be prepared…I cry every time I’m on here I think. That’s a good thing…and a BIG compliment. God has blessed you with special insight. Thank you for sharing…and for blessing us!

  • Stephanie

    Angie,
    Oh how my heart aches for you right now. You described the agony of grief so well. It has been a few days since I have been on here because on Thursday November 13th (the day you posted this blog) I was remembering my sweet baby boy Case, and his heavenly homecoming one year ago. Grief seems to be so all consuming. Even on the best of days you are still aware of it, and on the days when you plan on making progress somewhere (i.e. home projects)…some how it is there also. It reminds me of what has been going on with my oldest son who will soon turn 5 in December. The past couple of years periodically he will sneak into our bedroom in the middle of the night crying from awful growing pains in his legs. I just look at him from time to time and can’t believe how my tiny baby boy has gotten so big in such a short amount of time and all the growing he has done little by little. So this life lesson and truth I try to also apply to this journey of grief. This has been and still is the most painful thing I have ever endured, but thank God for giving me the strength to stand up day after day and say, ” Wow, look how much you’ve grown because of this even if it is an inch at a time”.
    Praise be to the God and
    Father of our Lord Jesus
    Christ, the Father of
    compassion and the God of
    all comfort, who comforts
    us in all our troubles, so
    that we can comfort those
    in any trouble with the
    comfort we ourselves have
    received from God.
    2 Corinthians 1:3,4
    Blessings to you,
    Stephanie B.

  • Taylor Luv

    Hey Angie…

    I love this 7X7, it has helped me keep God in each activity I do each day… I love giving the blessing to my children too… no greater love can be felt… although I am still praying 2 times a day on a empty bed… we are trying to procede the court actions and look for assistance thur the county… hopefully we will get something soon.

    I love that you came up with this at this time… it was the prefect timing with what we are going thur… I feel closer to her even though she is not with us… or have we talked to her… her mom will not talk or contact or answer a phone call.

    We need the courts to step in very soon… Your prayers will help us. See my blog for more details.

    Taylor Luv,
    Andrea

  • AuntCindy

    Angie, I too have been a reader for a long time and have never posted. But I just felt I needed to let you know that you are ministering to so many people in so many ways.

    As you are such a prayer warrior, may I be so bold to ask for prayer for my cousin, Christy, who also resides in TN. She had her 3rd baby Oct 28 and this past Fri. she was taken to the hospital with either a possible heart attack or Coronary Artery Dissection. Please pray for Matt and Christy and also for wisdom for the dr. that they may correctly diagnose the problem. Thank you in advance for your prayers.

    You are a beautiful woman of God. Thank you and God bless you…

  • Lauren Kelly

    Angie- this was absolutely beautiful. It spoke to my heart and your transparency and realness with us always makes me want to cry. Thank you for just simply being you and sharing a part of yourself with us. We love you and we’re so blessed by this blog!!!

    Love,
    Lauren

  • Lewis Family

    She is with Him, and I have no doubt that when you see Him again you will see her, too. Where else would He have her be to do the great work He needs her to do? Thank you for sharing.

  • California Isoms

    You are amazing.

  • Becky Welch

    I have just found your blog and have been blessed beyond measure. I am going to add you to my list so I can continue in these blessings and am going to start the 7×7 as well. My friend, Traci, lef me to you.

  • Phoebe

    Angie,

    Thank you for posting this. You seem to have quite a way with words – words that seem to penetrate my heart each time I read one of your posts. I found your blog by chance and can’t even remember how, but am so glad I did. I’m the church counselor at our church and having since read about the broken pitcher have used it to help others grieving. If any of them choose to do it and bring them back, I’ll send pictures your way.

    Thanks again,
    Phoebe

  • ParentingPink

    What a lovely post. I have three daughters ages 19 months, 3, and 5 and I always get teary eyed when I have to put their clothing away for good. Though, I know, for you this must be much more difficult.

    Thank you for reminding us that life is precious and we should all count our blessings.

  • Deb

    Beautiful, just beautiful

    …but God is beautiful isn’t He!

    Thanks for listening to Him and sharing.

    What a Blessing,
    Thank you!

  • Kristina

    I just started a blog and I am excited that I get to leave comments when I want to now! Check me out…I emailed a time or two.

  • Sit A Spell

    Thanks for sharing your heart.

    I just learned that a friend of mine is Todd’s cousin. : )

    Bless…Shell

  • K. Joy

    That blog moved me to tears-as your blogs often do. You write beautifully. Your sharing inspires me to do the same. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks be to God.

  • Jamie

    Angie, I love reading your blog. Your whole family, especially Audrey, inspires me daily. Do you think we could break out the prayer warriors? Adrienne (whose blog I found from your site) and her husband may not get to take the baby they have been in the process of adopting because the birthmother is having second thoughts. They are heartbroken. I’m praying that they can have their daughter.

  • Jennifer

    Hi my name is Jennifer. I’ve never commented before because… well there always so many comments.

    My parents or rather… my father is pastor at Southside Assembly of God in Jacksonville, Florida.

    My mother died July 21 this year of GMB stage four brain cancer. It was unexpected and knocked the wind out of all our family and thousands of friends.

    My mother was a pastor wife, author of 10 published books and public speaker.

    Now she’s in heaven and I’m left
    behind deep in grief.

    I can relate to your pain and your prayers. Without my sweet Jesus, I couldn’t face this black hole I’m staring at. I’m sorry for both of our losses. Really, only Jesus understands. I’ve felt him grieving and crying with me. Can you believe the Savior would greive with us? It’s an amazing thing to feel His sure arms around me.

    I thank God I found your site.

    You inspire.

    I thank God for Selah. I bought your husbands cd and have spent hours singing, crying and praying while worshiping my God.

    I know so many contact you, it’s happened to us since my mom died but here’s my mother’s website my father is now keeping up…

    christianlovestories.blogspot.com

    May God continue to richly bless you with peace and His love.

    If I never speak to you in this world, I hope I find you in heaven one day and give you a hug. You shine Jesus!

  • Nieman Family

    I too must say “Thank You…Thank You!” For such an beautiful post.

  • Penny

    What beautiful sweet words you have expressed. I hope others look at the passing days with such wonderful anticipation. Thank you for sharing! May you continue to be a blessing to others through your words.

  • coopmama

    I have just started following your blog and may I say… you are an amazing writer and an inspiration. Thank you for sharing!

  • Tammy Nischan

    So thankful to be guided to your site. We are in a difficult journey with our son right now fighting brain cancer. I share about our journey in my blog if you ever have time to stop by. Much love and prayers to you and your family.

  • Tammy Nischan

    Thank you for sharing. Thank you for your testimony. We are in a battle for our son’s life right now and I can feel your heart in many ways.

  • Lelia Chealey

    Tears fell down my cheeks as I read this. I am so touched by this post. Thank you so much.
    Keep reaching for His hem.

  • Walking by Faith

    WOW…ANGIE!!! I’m just speechless…this was so beautiful in every way and it is just amazing how you point it all to the beauty of God! God has given you a gift, and you are using it, and I pray that through your writings…your testimony…it will keep doing that…pointing people to Christ. This I think is my favorite post you’ve written thus far…wow…I’m never going to look at a Bridal gown the same ever again! I might even find myself at the next wedding I’m at grabbing the hem of her gown just to say, “Yep!! Yep, see..it’s dirty, don’t be alarmed that’s a good thing…carry on!!” People may think I’m crazy, but I will think of this post! In all seriousness…this was so beautiful! Brought me to tears.~Heidi

  • petrii

    Angie, So I’m scrolling down to see what songs you have on your site and I see this post. I missed reading this one. How did that happen? Well I was in the hospital at Mayo on 11/13. And therefore, behind on my reading. I’m so glad the Lord led me to this post today. I needed reminding that I am included in the bride of Christ and that the dirt of the world is washed away by the blood of the Lamb. Praise You Jesus!!!!! Thank you so much for the reminder, I needed it today.

    I know this is kind of random, but I just felt the urge to express this today in comment to such a beautiful post.

    Blessings to you this day sweet one,
    Dawn

  • Tricia Wilson

    Wow! I swear, EVERY time I visit your blog I come away with something wonderful. You have such beautiful insights and such an eloquent way of sharing them. I leave your blog again having been blessed. Thank you.
    Tricia