Compassion International, david crowder, Family, India, Luke

So Much

***update***

First on the list, there was a misunderstanding about the comment that was left, and the scarf lady may still be with us!!!!! It was written by a sweet lady who had lost a “scarf lady” of her own, but not specifically the one I was speaking of…..I am praying God will allow me, somehow, to find out where this sweet woman is, and I have a plan. I will keep you all posted when I find out anything about Ellie’s scarf lady, so we can be in prayer about her, wherever she is. I pray she is still out there somewhere, and I would love to connect with her…

ALSO. Last night was bad. Todd was tormented all night and neither of us slept at all. We both feel so oppressed and we are praying our way through life minute by minute. I could hear his hushed voice all through the night, whispering scripture, praying over our house, our children…

When I woke up this morning I was overwhelmed at the number of comments I had, and the number of people who had been praying for me. That was enough to bring me to tears, but when I opened my email, I literally collapsed onto my keyboard. I had about 100 emails from people who were trying to help me find the Bible. ME? WHO AM I that I should deserve this love???? I am humbled beyond words, and in that moment, the Lord brought a visual to me of the way we are to surround each other, pray for one another, and hold each others arms up when we are too weak to do so.

The bottom line is that THE BIBLE HAS BEEN FOUND. After a sweet reader called several Barnes and Noble stores in SEVERAL states, she tracked down ONE. And it is on its way to me:)

I am more than humbled. I pray that all of you all of you who took the time to try and help me will be blessed a thousand times in return….thank you.

(original post follows)

There is so much on my heart tonight, and I was praying I would have the strength to share some of it with you. My body and mind are exhausted, and the Lord is beckoning me to just be still and sit in His presence instead.

I will tell you that I have a lot of things on my mind and I so desire your prayers for wisdom in my own life as I deal with some very challenging situations that are so, so close to home.
We aren’t always prepared for the hailstorms, are we? Neither the drizzle, I suppose, but the past few weeks have been, well, torrential.
I really am okay, so please don’t be alarmed or worried. I love that I have a body of readers that start to write me emails when I haven’t posted in awhile to make sure I am alright. There are people around me who have needed me in ways I cannot go into here, and that has been my priority for the past few weeks. It is not over, friends, and we all need your prayers.
With that said, I feel (and I have said this before, and NEVER say it lightly) that I am under serious spiritual attack from the enemy. I will not give him the power he desires to have in my life, and yet there are days I feel sapped from the battle.
One of the things that frustrates me (and you may think this is silly) is that I lost my favorite Bible. I mentioned it before but I really thought I would find it. Well, I haven’t, and there are reasons that God gave me that exact Bible when He did, and they are related to some of the issues I am up against now. I know this sounds like a jumbled mess, but here is what I am getting to. This Bible appears to no longer be available. Here is the link to Amazon which shows the Bible, as well as the ISBN number, which is 031093978X. It comes in hardback and faux-leather, and I am looking for the leather…
I have tried to order it from several sites that say they have it, and then a few days later I get an email saying that they are sorry but they do not have it in stock and don’t know when they will. It was published by Zondervan and was limited edition, so I don’t know that anyone will be getting copies again.
In the event that you read this blog and you spot one of these, or you are the owner of a bookstore that has one, PLEASE leave me your information and I will order it right away. I am heartbroken, and I hate to say that because I know I could just buy another one, but as you well know by now about me…..there is a story behind this particular one and I would be so excited to have another. AND if I get a bunch of people who write me to tell me they have them, I will list them here so that others can buy it as well 🙂
And then if I could just get the David Crowder Band to re-record “All I Can Say,” I’ll be in decent shape. And I will have about 30 less emails to answer every day 🙂 We need to start a campaign, I think. Based on the number of emails I have gotten about that song, the CD would be double platinum by now. David, if you are reading, please, do us all a favor. We need the song.
On some heavier notes, if you read through the comments on my last post (as I’m sure you all do, right?….), you would have seen a message from a sweet woman mentioning that the “scarf lady” has gone to be with the Lord. I believe she passed away in October, and when I read those words I cried as if I had known her all my life. I don’t know why, but I guess she was just someone the Lord allowed to fill a pocket of my heart, and secretly, I had been praying I would see a comment from her. It occurred to me shortly after that that she is now one of the only people I know who has met all four of my daughters…what a humbling and heart-shattering thought.
Finally, please be in prayer for the Sponberg’s.
If you that have read my blog for awhile, you may have noticed that today would have been my nephew Luke’s first birthday.
We went to the cemetery with Greg, Nicol, Summer, and Greg’s parents (visiting from Maine) and talked about who Luke was. We prayed over him and cried, and we had moments of just plain “no words for this” silence.
I am disappointed that there is a little boy who should be toddling around and learning to talk, and the best we can do is sit by his grave and talk about what could have been.
Todd said to me later this evening that I seemed angry, and maybe I am, but more than that, I am disappointed. I don’t have the whole God thing figured out (although I plan to spend a lot of time with Melissa in India, so I should have most of it covered by the flight home).
I know Whom I serve, and I know He knows my heart. Tonight, I am broken over the loss of a candle that didn’t get to be blown out and a song he will never hear us sing to him. I know he is in a better place, and I believe it, but it hurts so deeply I don’t even know how to articulate it.
I guess on many fronts in my life, I just feel weighed down with disappointment.
I just want to be honest with you all, because it doesn’t always get tied up with a neat little bow when you follow the Messiah. I wish it did, but it isn’t part of the deal.
What we can do is to pray, and to beseech the Lord to come to be with those who are in need and those who are hurting tonight.
If you would like to comment directly to Greg and Nicol, or have any encouraging verses or prayers for them, feel free to visit their blog and leave your thoughts. I know how much we treasure the fact that people take the time to share in our suffering.
Peace be with you all tonight, and I will be back soon….in the meantime, thank you for being such a sweet family to us as we face the next several months. There are milestones that we have dreaded facing, and yet somehow, He has brought us here, and no doubt, will bring us through.
With love and deepest appreciation,
Angie
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