Life as Usual

***Edited to add that I am praying for each and every one of you who have left requests, and I also wanted to thank those of you {many of you!!!} who recommended the angelcare movement detector. Todd and I went to Babies R Us today and it’s charging up….what a great idea!!!! THIS is why I love being a blogger…welcome to the place where mommies put their heads and hearts together!!! thank you! xoxo***

Hello all!

We just got home from Toronto yesterday (we did 100 Huntley Street and they are the nicest people ever). If you decide to brave the interview, just know that my hair is psycho and I nod maniacally throughout. Watching yourself on video is even worse than hearing your voice on an answering machine. Most of the time I never watch or listen to anything I’ve done for this reason, but I always pray God will use it to speak to other people despite me and my bizarro hair.

It was the last trip for awhile and I feel like I can exhale just a little bit. It was only one night away but i still cried in the hotel room:( I seem to be doing that a lot lately.

And unfortunately for my waistline, room service almost always accompanies crying. Reason number 2 I don’t watch my interviews.

So anyway, I’m so glad to be home. I have a Bible study on Wednesdays with other moms and I just love the women who are in the group. The kids also have a great time because there are several homeschoolers and they all come so it’s a blast. They just do spelling bees and geometry while braiding each other’s hair. Actually they trade animal bracelets and based on what I saw today, my little Kate is a sly shark. She is a stinking riot. The other day the girls were talking about their tithes and Abby decided she was going to give 20% so that Jesus could have 10 and God could have 10. Then Ellie said she was going to do the same but maybe give another 10% because she didn’t want the Holy Spirit to feel left out. At that point Kate (money clenched in fists) replied thoughtfully, “Well, I think I will give God just my hugs and kisses” and proceeded to hold onto her cash. She did eventually give it back to the Jesus jar but I’m not sure she got the whole “joy of stewardship” thing.

I haven’t talked about Charlotte recently on here…so sorry! I need to download some pictures as well so you can see how she’s growing. Honest to goodness she is the sweetest baby you could ever imagine. She just loves to be with you and will lay her little head down on anyone’s shoulder and snuggle in. She smiles all the time and she has this calm, gentle, loving personality that makes her so hard to put down. I feel like she’s really different from the other girls at her age because she is just so content all the time. I’m glad I got a super easy one as my fourth!!! I’m so grateful for every bit of her I get to enjoy, but I’m sure that others who have lost a child would agree that there’s a bittersweet feeling that comes along with seeing her grow and wondering what the other child would have been like. The girls have been talking a lot about Audrey lately and I think they sense it too.

On a related note, I’ve been struggling with a lot of fear related to Charlotte. I was sharing with my sister in law the other night about how Charlotte has started flipping over to sleep on her stomach and for awhile I would go in every half hour and put her back on her back. Again. And again. And again. I could feel myself starting to panic whenever I walked into the room, my mind telling me that she might not be breathing anymore. Finally, after I had done this more times than I can say, I felt the Lord stop me midway over to her and say gently, “Angie. How long will you do this?”


So instead of turning her over I sat on the floor and prayed. And prayed. And prayed.

And then I closed the door behind me and took Him at His word. I know that God is good, and that He doesn’t go off duty and let things just fall apart. He has a plan for Charlotte, and whatever that plan is will not be enhanced by me obsessing over every single thing I think I can do to control her safety. It’s appropriate to be cautious and responsible, but I can’t let myself believe that it’s up to me…but that is so hard.

So, there’s a prayer request if you don’t mind :)

I have a few more announcements coming up (no, I’m not pregnant :) ) and when the time is right I will be so excited to share with you…but you can rest assured that as wonderful as they are, there are most certainly (GULP) prayer requests that will go along with them!!! Let’s just say God has a sense of humor, and when I tell Him I’m too scared to do something, He finds a way to drop me right in the center of the fear. I know that’s where He is, so I’m jumping, but it is a scary feeling…especially with my hair being uncooperative. It just makes it all harder, you know?

Incidentally, I despise secrets (I actually got ticked at Todd when he planned a surprise party for me the first year we were married. Hasn’t happened since.) so I will definitely fill you all in soon!!! In the meantime, will you also ask the Lord to give me peace?

I have a feeling that some of the stress is coming from the work I’m doing on my next book-it’s bringing up some difficult memories but I hope there will be great fruit in the end. Right now it kind of feels like squashed bananas and rotten apples :)

I know I have said absolutely nothing of value in this post, but I really just wanted to say hello. As always, please feel free to share any prayer requests you have in the comments and know that you will be prayed over. I honestly can’t tell you how much it means to me when I ask you all a question and then I get to read all the great suggestions and thoughts…it makes this feel like a community and I love that :)

With love and gratitude,
Ang


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  • Libby

    My husband needs a job. Badly. He was let go about 3 months ago, and we are having a hard time find a position for him. The market is horrible, and we are losing faith. Please pray for us, and our family.

  • http://jezamama.blogspot.com Jezamama

    I just want to say that it kinda stinks that your fourth is a content baby…when I have the most demanding #4. Seriously the hardest one out of all of them. Oh well. I guess I don’t mind being needed 24/7…for now. If he is still doing this at 12 well that will be a different story.
    Praying over you.
    Blessings.

    • http://motherofamiraclebaby.blogspot.com Casondra

      My youngest…my fourth counting my step son…is by FAR my hardest too!

    • brittcarr

      but wait – isn’t Charlotte the fifth?

      • http://jezamama.blogspot.com Jezamama

        Thank you for kindly pointing out my social faux pas. {blush}… I meant the youngest.

  • Ashley

    we have this baby monitor:
    http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2970307
    it monitors the baby’s movements (breathing, if she stops breathing, etc). along with praying for my baby’s safety when he sleeps, this also helps me to sleep good at night.
    just wanted to let you know about this monitor in case you haven’t heard about it. :)

    • Melissa

      I was going to suggest that, too. I wouldn’t be able to sleep without my son having one.

  • http://motherofamiraclebaby.blogspot.com Casondra

    Praying for continued peace for you sweet Angie.

    I hope I come full circle back to that place. I’m trying to focus on November as a month of ‘thankfulness’ and letting go of everything October represented in my life. But sometimes those fears of facing another surgery in the near future comes creeping back in, and I need a reminder that He is in control! ALWAYS HAS BEEN…ALWAYS WILL BE!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=48203030 Anonymous

    Glad to know you’re doing well! You’re on my twitter, so I do know you’re doing ok and pray for you often.

    Pray for us (me specifically) as we get ready to take a trip down to Florida, via plane. I’m a TERRIBLE flyer, and I’m terrified. Angie — I know you know that feeling well! Pray that I don’t flip out on Nathan (my husband) and that our flights land safe and sound (both coming and going!). It’s hard to turn the fear over to God, I’ve tried several times, but I always take it back (darn that control issue!).

    Blessings to you all as we enter the holiday season!

    Melissa :)

  • CC

    It is funny how you said you feel like you have said nothing of value, yet I sit here near tears over your post. The Lord used it to speak to me. My husband and I have been trying for several months to have a baby..and lately I’ve been so afraid. We had a friend with a baby born into heave this weekend and learned of another couple who’s baby is not expected to make it…and I have a friend two years ago who had a sweet baby boy that didn’t make it…and I have been thinking maybe I should be grateful for the one healthy child I have and quit trying to have another. I think God just answered me through your post. I can not let fear grip me and forget who is in control. Thank you for speaking from the heart and allowing God to move through you (even when you do not realize it)!

  • Mamanotes

    Angie, I worry about that stuff too with my kids. I am such a worry wart, ESPECIALLY when it comes to sleeping. I panic over it all the time and STILL at 20 months I check on my son all the time!!:) You are right though that the Lord has a plan and we can’t do much about it… I like what you said.. makes sense :)

  • chauncey

    It’s neat to know I’m not the only one who has fears, worries and insecurites sometimes. I appreciate your honesty. On mothering. On family. On life.

    God is really using you to speak to me and many others as we grow together in becoming the godly women He wants us to be. Thank you for sharing your story and life with us.

    God bless!

  • Coby

    I just finished praying/repenting and asking the Lord to set me free from fear. I started to have this suspicion that I was a teeny bit bound up by fear, and that walking around afraid all the time wasn’t uhm…normal. ;-) I’m getting to the root of this, dang it, and I’m gonna be free!

    Praying for you as well – against fear, and for peace.

  • Rachel

    I totally identify with your tendency to worry. I think even when things are going well, I find things to worry about, just like my Grandmother always did. Unfortunately, my son has inherited that wonderful trait as well. But, the fact that you are aware of it and try to let some things go and trust God is a wonderful thing. We are all works in progress. Hang in there! =)

  • http://marlataviano.com Marla Taviano

    I love you. And I thought this post was perfect. Praying for your (completely understandable) fear of something happening to sweet Charlotte. And can’t wait to hear your secret(s)!

  • http://irwinadventures.blogspot.com Krystal

    Did you read this one on fear today?! Gooood stuff! I’ve been on my knees battling fears lately…choosing faith over fear, choosing love over fear, in whatever the thousand ways it can overtake me during the day with my little or my hubby or myself…it’s a daily battle of choosing truth over lies, huh?!
    http://www.incourage.me/2010/11/the-day-i-broke-up-with-fear.html
    Praying perfect love to cast out your fears too. He has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. And don’t all of us ladies need a sound mind?!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=676578722 Rhonda James

    Please pray for our family as we lost our 2 1/2 year on Sept 29th ..the lonelieness and emptiness I feel..Pray for peace for me..Anthony fought the past 2 1/2 years and I just don’t understand why we couldnt keep him..

  • Dnkwilliams

    Such a beautiful post. I have struggled with my own fear as I am 15 weeks pregnant after I lost my last baby at 37 weeks. The fear was so paralyzing. I came to the same “understanding”. God is in charge and he can make my life better than I can because he sees all. My father always told me Faith is the opposite of fear. Faith and fear. opposites. Well thanks for reminding me of this statement. Hope all is well with your beautiful girls. K

  • http://rachelscoffeebreak.blogspot.com Rachel

    Just wanted to give you a little encouragement. When I was pregnant with my second daughter last summer (about six months along), my cousin lost her two month old baby to SIDS. As you have experienced this in your family, you know that it is very shocking and overwhelmingly sad. I struggled mightily with fear and anxiety from that point forward. I am blessed to have a doctor who is very outspoken about his faith and he took time to pray with me about it. However, the fear was still very great once I brought my little baby home. I just continued to pray and hold onto God throughout those scary first few months. I tried to remember that the bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind. As months passed, my fear eased and God has been faithful. My sweet little daughter just celebrated her first birthday a few weeks ago. Although we mothers always worry over our little ones, the fear does ease. It is good to know that they are in the hands of a loving Father who loves them more than we ever could. By the way, her name is Audrey, and I want you to know that I think of your sweet little Audrey often when I call my daughter’s name. Your Audrey is not forgotten, and she is important and impacting so many lives.

  • Justina

    I am a stranger to you, who came across your blog several weeks ago (following the “blog bunny trail” )when I needed it most. I was going through some serious personal health issues and I just needed the insight and strength that you and your family show. Thanksfully, all is well here, but now here is a prayer request and some info for your readers, if they are interested.

    My husband and I have set up a website (that we hope will become a foundation one of these days) called ReadItThrough.org. Within it contains a challenge – for Christians or “other interested parties” to read the bible all the way through in one year. We call it the 11-11-11 challenge because we are starting very very soon and everyone who takes the challenge will receive a life-changing experience :) and up to 500 participants who successfully complete the challenge will receive a Bible embossed with their name.

    So if you want to join, go to the website http://www.readitthrough.org. No tricks, no fees, no gimmicks. Our tagline is Changing The World…One Page At A Time. Be part of it! :)

  • http://my-amazing-family.blogspot.com priscilla

    i ask that you please pray for me as well as my friends and Ashleys parents and brother. she passed away 2 years on the 14th and she was 18 years old. i never got to meet her but she is the reason why i go to church and put my life back in gods hands…i ask that prayers be prayed for us in this time of hurt and sorrow. also for my family as we just had a funeral for my aunt debbie that passed away last week

  • http://www.joyousjabberings.blogspot.com Erica

    I love the interview. You and your husband are an inspiration.
    And your hair is like mine, except yours is way better contained.
    Also, you and Todd both nod your heads the whole time. Sometimes it’s even at the same time. I think it’s adorable. Thank you.

  • Michelle

    i see you referred to Charlotte as your “fourth” when you said you were glad you got an easier baby for your fourth. but she’s your fifth, Audrey’s your fourth. so i’m just wondering out of curiosity, do you always refer to Charlotte as #4 simply because you only have four here with you? i’m not asking in a negative way AT ALL, i’m just curious. my Mom lost a baby & when people ask how many she has, she doesn’t count that baby most of the time, but i do at times when asked about siblings, so i always am curious about how others handle this most delicate of issues.

    praying for peace in regards to Charlotte…

    • Angelac519

      GREAT question. i almost always say 5th, and then i say i have one in heaven waiting for us and 4 here. i said four inthe post because i didn’t get to have charlotte at this age, so she’s my fourth “five month old.” But i rarely say 4 in real life. the trick i have is that i had a miscarriage years ago and even though it was early on i still feel like i should mention that one too and my girls get upset if i don’t. still working on that one…

      thanks for asking! and blessings to you,
      ang

    • Michellefull

      We have two boys – and I lost a baby girl in between the two of them. I always count her – and the boys know their sister is in Heaven – and they count her, too! If you truly believe that all babies go to Heaven, then why not count them here as well? They certainly had an impact on our lives – however short their time was with us (whether just in the womb or some time out). We say that our daughter is yet to hold, always to love.

  • Christie

    I am dealing with the same thing in regards to my babies rolling onto their stomachs to sleep. I have twin boys who are 7 months. We prayed for them for over 4 years, now that God has blessed us with these two wonderful babies, I constantly worry about them sleeping on their bellies thinking they are going to suffocate. I know I just need to give it to God, but, unfortunately, it is easier said than done. I will keep your worries in my prayers, please keep me in yours! God bless!
    Christie

  • http://julesmpg.blogspot.com Julesmpg

    I struggled with fear for my son Conner. He is such a sweet boy and I still struggle from time to time. I just have to remind myself, he is God’s and I can’t worry. He is going to be thirteen in a few days. I actually struggled with the same thing with my daughter after losing a baby.

    Still waiting and praying for Marty to get his transplant soon. God does have a sense of humor, our year long wait has turned into three. But he knows what is best for us and we just have to trust.

  • http://thepartythatneverquits.blogspot.com Jen

    I’m really sensing that God wants you to face your fear of flying again… especially over oceans… and come visit me. Yep. You’re clearly called to do that, and I feel led to tell you so.

    ;)

    On a RELATED note… I walked in to get Cora from her cot to put her in the car the other day. Note to self: don’t do that with your polarised sunglasses on. The shaddow across your daughters face will make her look a heart-stopping shade of purple. I too struggle with a real fear of cot-death. The first 4 months of my childs life, every time I walk into their room, I hear a whisper… “this time?” … because I know no one is immune.

    Adam and I are moving in 6 weeks (Not to TN, sadly *grin*). We received the lease agreement to look at the other day, and it differes quite significantly in certain areas to what we had verbally discussed. Would you pray a prayer for clarity for us, please? So we know whether to move forward with this house or not… and if so, for God to do His thing and pull something awesome out of His sleeve? :)

  • Kristen

    Having two out of three children with extra medical needs…I definitely have come to understand (more than I ever wanted to) surrendering our children’s lives to the Lord…but I have found that along with prayer and surrender…the Angelcare Baby Monitor helps me sleep at night. I highly recommend it, and don’t think that it makes me skip over the part about trusting God…there is still way too many ways something could go wrong at any moment with our children…hugs to you!

  • http://twitter.com/ceciliamae Cecilia Long

    I can relate to wanting to protect your ‘rainbow’ baby but trying not to cling too tightly. Our baby was born 10 weeks early last week and the situation was scarily similar to the way we lost her brother. I was a basket case, simultaneously believing she would live and steeling myself that she might not raise her either. For me, its not that I don’t believe He can take care of her, it’s that I know that His way of caring for her is not always what I want. With her long NICU stay ahead I’m constantly reminding myself to surrender those fears to him, but I have to admit it’s a big struggle.

    • Anonymous

      Sending good thoughts your way. My youngest daughter was born 10 weeks early also. She stayed in the NICU for 2 months. Just know that there will be days of two steps forward and one step back…that is par for the course of NICU babies. Take one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. My daughter is now almost 9 years old and very healthy. I hope for the same results for your precious daughter.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=567631836 Anonymous

    I’m writing to ask for a prayer for my best friend Jennifer Pennie. Yesterday, sensing complications with her pregnancy, doctors were going to induce her at 37 weeks. Unfortunately, they were too late and her little girl, Emma Grace died in the womb. Last I spoke to her family yesterday, she had not yet delivered the baby but this is her second such loss so I would ask you all to uplift her, her husband Shawn and their family in prayer so that they may get through this very difficult time in their lives.

    • Erinlong

      I will definitely pray for her. I can’t imagine what she is going through.

  • http://shearerlife.blogspot.com/ Jessica from Shearer Life

    I do totally believe that my baby boy, Chase, is God’s and that he is watching over him 24/7. But I am an over-protective, first-time mom. I bought two things that have really helped put my mind at ease – a video monitor so that I can see him without having to walk in his room and risk waking him up; and an angel care monitor. It’s an electronic pad that is placed under his mattress that monitors movement. It can even detect his breathing. So, if he were to ever stop breathing it would start alarming. I highly recommend it as it has helped me to sleep many nights.

  • Kim

    This is completely off topic, but I’ve been wondering how “C” has been….

  • http://www.untilthejasperwalls.blogspot.com Melissa

    Angie, are you familiar with the “angel care” monitor? It is a monitor with a sensor that goes under the crib mattress and senses movement, even as slight as a newborn heartbeat. I used it for years with my Asher and Shawnie and it was amazing. If 20 seconds passes without detectin of movement then an alarm will sound. It is intended to save lives and I wholeheartedly believe that it does. The alarm went off once when Asher was about 4-5 months old, in the middle of the night and I RAN to him and yanked him out of bed. At that moment he gasped for breath and then was perfectly fine. I may never know for certain, but that monitor may have saved his life. Aside from that, the monitor gave me such a peace of mind and I didn’t run in and check on my babies all the time (like I had done with their older brother). I was able to fall asleep and then sleep peacefully. **I’m looking forward to your announcements. :-)

    • Taran4ms

      Same thing happened here! Glad to know that this is a simple device that is saving babies! (even though everyone at the babyshower thought we were over the top….) ;)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chelsa-Chamberlain-Knepp/70805649 Chelsa Chamberlain Knepp

    We lost our little boy Andon in February of ’09 and had our third little boy Corbin in February of this year. I can totally relate to flipping them over when they roll while sleeping! A couple months ago this was going on with us… and I was right where you were. I would go in every thirty minutes and flip him over. I was terrified to go in b/c I didn’t want to know if he wasn’t breathing… Finally, after hardly sleeping for a week I had to just lay in bed and give it to the Lord… I was torturing myself and that’s not what HE wanted from me! Not saying I don’t still worry and check on him b/c I do… but I also know I can’t live that way!
    Prayers said for you (and baby girl!).

  • Melissa Hutsell

    I, for one, love when you just share where you are! I don’t think there is any mom who does not go in trepidatiously to her child’s nursery and prays, “Oh Lord, please let them be safe.” I mean, if my baby sleeps later than usual I feel this pain go through my heart. Why the Lord made our momma hearts this way I suppose is linked to the love we feel for our children. Whatever the case, I can appreciate your prayers offered up in tears at Charlotte’s bedside.I read this quote recently and I thought it summed up a lot of what I feel when I trust God. ” We’re not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be.” -C.S. Lewis That’s the trouble isn’t it? Sometimes God really does use pain to refine us and ultimately we all do just as you did beside Charlotte’s crib and we bow the knee and say to the Lord, “This is Yours Lord…not mine. I must trust You.” But oh the pain involved in even just letting it go. I guess I’d say this…you may feel at times tempted to think your fear makes you weak…but in fact…it drives you to your knees. Right where you need to be! Thanks for sharing your heart dear lady! Much love, Melissa from Little Rock!

  • Taran4ms

    I just wanted to say how much you inspire me about praying over your baby because she was turning on her stomach. Another thing, that might put your mind to ease, is the angel monitor from target. Its an apnea monitor that lets you know if she stops breathing. Its a little sensor pad that goes under her mattress pad. I think God obviously has things under control ;) but sometimes a simple monitor like that can put your mind at ease, and it has saved a lot of babies lives because the parents can go in and turn the baby back over on her back which allows her to start breathing normally (personal experience here).

  • Christine Sinclair

    Hi Angie! I am praying for you daily. I know what you mean about the bittersweetness of watching Charlotte grow and develop. Our Matthew Joseph went home to be with Jesus May 25, 2008 and now we have been blessed with sweet Sarah Grace. She turned one on October 5th , but as I have watched her grow and develop and reach all of her milestones I have felt tremendous sadness that I did not get to experience these things with Matthew. I felt tremendous guilt for feeling that way after God had given us the desire of our heart. I know that it is normal and I appreciate you sharing with all of us that you have felt the same. I have also been more anxious about Sarah’s health and often feel panic rising in my heart. I have to keep reminding myself that she is God’s child and that He loves her more than I ever humanly could. I am fervently praying for you. Christine

  • Rubberbacon

    Nothing of value to say???? If you could only know how much I look forward to your posts. Anyway, I’m so glad you wrote about Charlotte, it’s been awhile and I’ve been wondering how she was doing. I have the same fear with me 3 month old Sam. His twin died when I was 14 weeks pregnant so not a night goes by without my worrying about SIDS. But every morning he’s doing his little crunches with legs waving in the air and I’m so thankful for another day with my beautiful boy! Anyway, I’ll be praying for you, I understand what you are going through!

  • Early Erica

    You are beautiful Angie! I cannot get through “I Will Carry You” the song or the book without sobbing. God bless your family! Audrey’s legacy lives on as my sweet new baby niece who will be coming to us in December will be named Audrey. :) I will tell her when she’s old enough how precious of a name she has.

  • http://www.mercyclouds.blogspot.com Suzie

    I will definitely be in prayer for you and your fears. Rest assured that sleeping on her belly will not cause Charlotte any harm. No, I am not a doctor but I am an experienced parent who purposely put all 4 of my children on their bellies and they are healthy children. Like you said, God is in control no matter what and he loves her more than you ever will. Blessings.

  • Ashley Alford

    Angie, I am a LONG time reader (since pregnant with Audrey) but first time commenter. I enjoy reading all of your posts but sometimes really enjoy posts like these. Where you just sit down and type a little about life and family and personal prayer requests. I just wanted to let you know I admire you as a mother and I will definitely be praying for you!

  • Andrea Bridgers

    Angie, Although your head did remind me a little of a bobble head on the dashboard of a car it was a beautiful interview and you and Todd did a great job as usual. Can’t wait to see you and all your girls when I come in next week to spend a few days with Audra and the Lewis’. I need a little baby fix so you may have to hand over Charlotte for a few minutes to me!
    See you soon.
    Andrea

  • Clmnva

    I’ve never posted before, but have read your blog a few times. I have to share with you that I, too, lost children (at 23 weeks, 25 weeks, 20 weeks (twins)). I struggled with tremendous fear for a very long time. I was and still am occasionally fearful about the safety of my children, I was afraid my husband would die in an accident while working. I would even dream about sleeping with my children, then feeling their lifeless bodies next to me knowing they had died during the night. I knew that God did not want me to be consumed by this fear, but I just could not shake it. It took quite a few years to get rid of that constant burden, but it only came by much prayer and truly relinquishing it all to Him. I had to make myself allow my sons to climb trees, jump on trampolines, sleep on their tummies. When I really thought about God’s awesomeness and power, how could I not trust Him? My children’s lives are in His hands no matter if their doing schoolwork or riding bikes on a steep hill. I do what I can within reason as a responsible mom, but that is all. I know you will get to that place, too. It is a difficult path, but once you arrive there you will wonder why it took so long.

    Cheri
    http://www.somewhereinvirginia.blogspot.com

  • LC

    Hi Angie, I’ll be praying peace over you in the coming months:) I know the holidays can be a very busy time and you seem to already have so much on your plate. I would also like prayer…my husband and I have been trying to have our first baby for about a year now. We want nothing more than to be pregnant with a healthy baby.

  • Annie

    I can’t wait to see pics of that sweet baby girl!! I’m praying for that peace that passes all understanding and that the worry will be less and less. I also can’t wait to hear the secret!! I have an inkling about what it might be and I bet you will be great!! :)

  • Sandy B

    Angie my babies are almost all grown now, my son is 21 in the Air Force and my daughter just turned 18!!! So, when you said “instead of turning her over I sat on the floor and prayed, and prayed and prayed”..Oh my the tears are falling as I can relate to those fears that came so long ago and now still come..only now the Lord is saying “turn them over..turn them over to Me”…I think it takes the same amount of faith to trust God’s perfect plan and not “turn those precious babies over” as it does to “turn those precous babies over for good” to the One who knows all things and loves with an everlasting love that will never, never fail…Thanks for the reminder today to trust Him continually with these precious gifts we have been given.
    Bless you, Sandy

  • http://cserwin.blogspot.com Sarah Erwin

    Angie,
    Thank you for sharing your beautiful heart with all of us. I’ve followed your blog for about 1 1/2 years. On August 28, my husband and I gave birth to a beautiful little boy who was already in heaven. Your story was already an encouragement to my life before this, and now I just am so grateful to read about your strength in the Lord. Thank you so very much! I am praying for your sweet family this holiday season.
    Love and Blessings,
    Sarah Erwin

  • Brittany

    Angie – Thanks again for your wonderful words. I know the fear that you are writing about. I have two beautiful boys 7 and 4 and have lost two beautiful children, one before the boys and one last year at 10 weeks. My husband and I have tried for a year to have another child and I just found out on Monday that I am pregnant. I cried, laughed, jumped for joy and thanked the Lord for all of his wonderful deeds but I am so – so – scared! Will I get to meet this beautiful soul? I pray everyday and hand it over to God. I know he has a plan for this child I just hope that I am strong enough to make it through it. Thank you for opening your life up on this blog. You have helped me get through some really hard days. I think of you often and pray for you even more often.

    Grace,
    B

  • http://kandilandblog.blogspot.com Kandi

    Thanks for the update, Angie. As always, you are so honest and I appreciate that. Can’t wait to see pics of beautiful Charlotte and to hear your news.

    I will be praying for you and all your upcoming announcements! Have a wonderful day!

  • Kim Nugent

    Ok, so I read a part of your story tha was tucked into our Bible Study Faithful, Abundant, True. I read this while my 14 3yr olds were napping….thank goodness, because I just cried like a baby! I then youtubed the video of the song and cried again. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I can assure you that God is still using your story in many ways. I have 2 friends that have lost their babies very recently. I shared the song with them and they loved it. Since then I have read and sobbed my way through your book, which led me to buy the new Selah CD….I cannot stop listening to it and now I’m a faithful reader of your blog.

    Thanks again for your transparency and willingness to share.

    Blessing and prayers!

    Kim

  • Thedurands

    angie – prayer request – i became a foster parent in june to the sweetest 4 1/2 mo. boy – he is now 10 months old and i love him dearly – when i read your post about peace i felt like it was meant for me – i have been asking God for a sign – and i think the sign is give my distress about this little boy staying with me forever/or going home – could you pray for me and that i would have peace with whatever decision is made. why is it so hard sometimes to give things over to God? why do i think i know whats best???? thanks. amanda (apopka, fl.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Claudia-Jara-Dalton/754047621 Claudia Jara Dalton

    I love posts about life, your life, our lives … it doesn’t always have to be this elaborate perfect written post, we love to hear from you, from your girls and how life is going.

    I do have a prayer request, our Sunday School class is trying to start a small group to meet during the middle of the week but it seems a little hard with small children – we are all young couples with children from tiny babies up to 5 year old – and my controlling mind is thinking bed time? schedules? how are we going to focus when our kids are running around wild in the next room, who’s going to keep them? etc … I know God will work it out so just pray for us as a group to find a way to work all this and have a sharing time that will bring Glory to God!!!!!

    Thank you!!!!!!!!

  • http://grantandamber.blogspot.com Amber

    So good to hear an update on your life! I pray that the Lord will bless you and prepare you for whatever He’s calling you to do.

    I don’t understand about losing a child but I do know a little bit about that overwhelming obsessive fear of something happening to one of your babies. I’ll definitely pray for you on that one too.

    I actually thought about you yesterday. I am expecting my third baby (first girl) around Christmas and got her a Baby Be Blessed doll (I went ahead and got it because I’m hoping she’ll be here in time for Christmas and I really wanted to get her one for her first Christmas but it REALY challenged my OCD perfectionist nature to have to guess about her haircolor!). Anyway, I was a little disappointed when I got her in the mail because her body and bows were my least favorite color, but then I remembered that your girls’ dolls had those sweet chenille bodices that I liked so much better anyway and then I was happy because I had an excuse to try to figure out how to make a chenille bodice for Sarah Grace’s doll. I did it yesterday (and it looks great!) and now I’m so excited because it not only is what I wanted in the first place but thought wasn’t an option anymore but also because I got to make part of her special doll.

    Sorry I’m rambling… Can you tell I’m 7 months pregnant!?!??! I guess I just wanted to say I hope you don’t mind that I copied your dolls:)

  • Donnak106

    I can totally relate to the fear you talk about. My daughter was diagnosed with thyroid cancer about 4 yrs. ago and since then I feel like nothing bad is off limits to happen in our life. I have really had to learn that God is always good and everything that He allows in our lives He gives us the grace to go through-but it takes surrendering to Him every day ,sometimes every minute of the day. I look forward to your posts and I saw your interview on focus on the family. You are a great blessing and you’re real. Thanks for sharing your pain and struggles . It reminds us all we are never alone.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_MMAKVO2DXELWSQT456ISI5MX3I Jenny

    Hey Angie, I had the privelege of hearing you speak at Relevant the other week, though we never actually met. Thank you for sharing your story. When you asked all of us who had lost children to stand, I was overwhelmed by the number of women who rose to their feet. There are so many of us. Each story is different and each is powerful, so thank you for sharing yours.

    I have three children who never wanted to stay on their backs when they slept. You know what? They were just fine. Stubborn little stinkers! Don’t let fear keep you from trusting the Lord to take care of her. I know, it’s hard. There are so many things to fear when you are a mother, as you well know.

    Well I just wanted to say hello! I live in Nashville too! If I see you around (you’re not at Anthropologie right now are you? Cuz I’m about to head in there…) I’ll be sure to stop you and say hello!

    Jenny
    http://www.thesoutherninstitute.com

  • heather

    angel baby monitor. goes under mattress. beeps if it doesn’t sense breathing. peace of mind when baby starts to roll over to her belly while sleeping. just a suggestion. it’s one thing to trust God, and another to be smart and protect our children the best we can. that’s my reasoning.

  • Anonymous

    I felt like I would be remiss as a Sunday if I didn’t watch that video moment by moment on the lookout for said “maniacal” nodding. I saw two spots of enthusiastic head movement, but I have to say, Ang, that there was nothing “psycho” to be found in your hair or your nodding. So breathe a sigh of relief, ha ha! What a beautiful story to continue sharing – thank you for doing so even when it doesn’t feel safe or comfortable. I have loved feeling like a part of your life and family these last few years and am so excited to hear about what comes next. Love to all of your girls – do post pictures soon!

  • http://www.joyful-mommies.blogspot.com Joyful Mommy

    My firstborn son, Owen Michael, now resides in heaven and I am certain is friends with little Audrey Caroline. I struggled with the very same fears when Owen’s baby sister came along. I understand, and will be praying. And if there is one thing us “angel mommies” understand, it is that ultimately our little one’s lives are not in our hands, but in the Lord’s. Sounds scary, but actually such an incredible relief – to have that burden taken from our mommy shoulders. Praying for your family…

  • karen

    Angie,
    Let me start by saying I haven’t been through anything close to what you have, but I have a child that was born with health problems. She is my third, and when the fourth was born, during those long nights of not so great sleep, I would weep and sob because I thought my new baby was going to die, even though she is perfectly healthy. It was an irrational fear, but it felt so incredibly real. Our weaknesses and insecurities and shortcomings and human-ness are all too evident, to be preyed upon and steal our joy and focus. I struggle with consuming fear. It differs in the changing seasons and stages, but there is always something that takes over my mind with fear and worry. I’m tiring of it. It is exhausting. It hasn’t been as simple for me to’just give it over to Him,’ or maybe I am holding onto it like a toxic friend. I’m getting ready to leave it behind though. Maybe it just needs to be a deliberate, intentional decision. A choice. Maybe praying for you will help me.

  • http://pearlmusic.wordpress.com Megan

    I carried a sweet baby with a fatal diagnosis to term, and he was born to heaven in February this year. His name was (IS!) Samuel. Our sweet Sammy was such a precious baby when I carried him, and I miss him everyday.

    It was such a blessing to listen to the interview this morning. I think I had come to a horrid place in my heart the past few weeks–a place in which I only knew grief, and could not remember the very heart of this part of my story. Sam was a blessing to me, not just a source of grief in his passing. Reliving the moments of my own pregnancy as I listened to the interview helped me remember that.

    What precious people we have been blessed to carry for such a short but potent time.

  • http://twitter.com/falcongirl100 Julie K.

    Angie,
    Thank you for sharing. You and your beautiful family are in my prayers daily. I can relate to the feeling of being terrified at what’s to come, even though I know God is in control. My husband and I are expecting our first child (a boy) in February. This was a miracle, because I spent 5 years with doctor after doctor telling me “you’ll never have a child of your own” My stomach was apparently injured during surgery in 2005, and it caused what the doctors refer to as “slow emptying” – if my stomach empties at all, it takes 12-13 hours to move a small meal, and there are so many things it cannot tolerate. My GI doctor told me if I were to be able to get pregnant (which he doubted) the baby wouldn’t get the nutrition it needed. At my last ultrasound this little boy weighed EXACTLY what he is supposed to weigh for where I am in my pregnancy…but…as my stomach moves up and is compressed as he grows, I’m not able to keep much down in the way of food. So prayers are being lifted, and my anxieties are out of control as I watch and wait to see if we can make it to 37 weeks with no other problems. I keep praying that I tolerate food, and that he gains weight the way he is supposed to, and stays exactly where he is until we reach 37 weeks.

  • Anonymous

    Hello too! I shall certainly be praying. :)

    Cxx

  • Melissa

    I am reading your first book right now. I’m only a few chapters in, but I have to agree with Beth Moore about your talent of writing!
    I think I may have commented before about this, but we bought the Angel Care monitor for our nursery. It is only around $100. It is a regular monitor, but also has an alarm on it if the baby stops moving (breathing) for more than 20 seconds. It also tells you the temperature of the baby’s room and some other stuff. Totally worth the $100 for the peace of mind. I will spare the details, but I believe it saved my son’s life at 4 months.

    • Mommyofsam

      We bought one too because I was obsessed with my son breathing. I would buy one again in a heartbeat! One word of advice, if she’s in a bed with a thinner mattress, put the monitor under her mattress on something hard like a cutting board. It somehow cuts down on false alarms – we never had even one!

  • Sally

    Angie,

    I stumbled upon your blog and had to read and read and found myself at the beginning going through your entire journey to this point. I want to thank you for sharing and being real, sharing the pain, joy, and humor throughout. I just praise God for your special little girls, and love the stories of how God is touching their hearts. The story of you driving and one of your girls picking out the “ugly” tree with potential touched my heart.
    My husband and I struggle with infertility, well thats what the world says. But we know that God says, I can and I am, and we know He will make our dream of having our own child come to be.

  • Burns10rs

    Angie, if you’re worried about Charlotte’s flipping over, by all means get the monitor to give you peace, but know this: by the time babies are strong enough to flip themselves over, they are generally strong enough to lift their shoulders, neck and head and fuss if they are in distress in some way. I watched my five month old granddaughter do that yesterday, and then she flipped herself onto her back before I could reach her. Charlotte is healthy. Babies seem to be so comfortable on their tummies and “way back when”, most babies slept on their tummies all the time without incident, so it’s natural for them to reach a stage where they flip onto their tummies and be comfortable that way. Keep excessive blankets out of the crib—those blanket sleepers are great. I know you’re more sensitive because of your loss, so I think I’d just get the monitor and feel extra protected. No one will judge you for that.
    Prayers for whatever makes you peaceful about what is coming up. You will be fine.

  • Anonymous

    Please pray for our foster baby’s birthmom. She is surrendering her rights in front of the judge in the morning. We are thrilled to be adopting this precious baby girl, but FEEL so deeply for her mother. Because of laws/DCS we can’t give any names, but the LORD knows. Thanks

  • Janet

    Angie,
    How do you know what I am struggling with? Oh, that’s right, God is in it.
    I am a grandmother, and now I am ‘worrying’ about my grandson not breathing while sleeping at night, nap time, etc. Thank you so much for this post. As I implied, it is exactly what I needed.

  • http://3dlessons4life.wordpress.com/ Lyli

    Angie,
    Excited for you as you do a “new thing” for the Lord. Prayed for you and your family this morning.
    xoxo

  • Terra C

    I will be praying feverishly for you about your fear. I’m definitely a mother criplled by fear of something happening to my babies. I know God is reminding me daily that he takes care of those he loves, and ultimately they are HIS babies, but I struggle still.

  • Kaleena

    It was so good to read your post today Angie! Seriously, you seem like such a friend and I love your humor. I don’t have kids yet, but want to thank you for your example. I hope I can remember what I’ve learned from you when that day comes. I am thankful to have you in my life! Praying for you today!

  • Sarah

    Thank you for a great post. It is so hard as mothers not to worry about our babies. I wanted to ask you to please pray for my husband. He lost his job about 8 months ago and it was with a company that he had been with for over 10 years. I know he is struggling because he feels like he has let us down and he is having a hard time with his faith and trusting God to provide for us and see us through. Thank you!

  • Connie L Amato-Mahle

    Hello there, Angie!

    Excited to read your hello – hope this message finds you well! : ) Always love hearing about your babies!! Such sweet-hearted kiddos.

    (Sidebar: When I see a red-head, I think of your family. And Kate? She reminds me of a young {and adorable} Punky Brewster).

    Yours is a very relative issue. Just months ago, I found myself addressing the same fear as my second-born daughter slept in her crib. It seemed I’d be up around the clock, creeping into her room to see her chest rise and fall. I would even stir her to make sure she was fine.

    Every time that I still leave both of my daughters’ rooms, I have to hand my worries of their safe-keeping over to God, “Please keep my babies safe, Lord.”

    Over the last several months, I slowly have begun to loosen my death grip over the illusion of control. Tough concept to teach the mind – but slowly learning!

    God is good; God is ALWAYS good!

    You’re in my prayers, Angie!
    Blessings to you all!

    In love & friendship,
    Connie Amato-Mahle
    Clarion, PA

    • Connie L Amato-Mahle

      P.S. You shine the most when you write candidly! Honest. Sincere. Impartial. : )

  • https://rcspcss8.blogspot.com Rcspcss8

    Hello Angie! I am praying for you. Go girl!. I am reading “Radical” by Platt- You mentioned this read in a prior post, I love it. Gosh, I’m not going to lie, it scares me a little when I know what this book is inspiring me to do, I can’t wait to hear all about your new adventures. :)

    “Right now it kind of feels like squashed banannas and rotten apples.” Have you ever tasted a rotten sunflower seed? …just curious. It is the worst taste EVER.

  • Jennia

    Angie- again brought to tears by your beautiful post, video and Selah lyrics. Your blog has meant so much to me as I have read for many years and never commentd- yet I believe God was using it as a foundation to prepare me for what we experienced. We have been trying to adopt for over 4 years. Last year we were chosen by a birth mom and went to pick up our newborn son – the birthmom changed her mind and we went home empty handed and empty hearted after having him for 3 days. Less than 2 weeks latere we were chosen by another mother and flew across the US to meet our daughter. We had a sweet 4 days with her before the birthmom changed her mind and we had to return her. We are approaching the anniversaries and I am filled with dread, fear and sorrow. My prayer is that God will use these circumstances for his glory- He is good and he does good- His ways are not my own. Please pray for my emotions and that I can minister to others who have experienced loss. Please pray also that someday we can welcome a sweet baby into our home/lives. Thank you so much!

  • SMC

    My husband & I have been TTC for over 5 years now ~ We were on the brink of starting some promising treatments when I get slammed with a giant cyst grown on my ovary. Cranky day here ~ I can totally relate to the fears….Fears of anything…Fear of not being in control; Fear of losing control; Fear of being controlled…And then, just like He always does, He whispers quietly in my ear, “Lord, I will wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.” and “Therefore my heart is glad & my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure.” Keep waiting on His answers, let your heart be glad, your tongue CONTINUE to rejoice & rest in knowing that He has you (and your girls) securely where He chooses. ….And I’m just going to read & reread this again & again as a reminder to my own self ~ not to fear the unknowns. Praying for you ~

    • SMC

      a giant cyst GROWING … not grown …. ehhhhhh!

  • Kaye

    Please always remember, “Who calls YOU beautiful?” :) Good hair days and bad!
    Praying for you, your peace of mind and for HIS will to be done, in your life as well as all of your reader’s lives.
    I continue to pray for Nicol and her family as well, for strength and peace of mind.
    Your girls have a wonderful way of simplifying what we try so hard to complicate. No, we can NEVER leave out the wonderful HOLY SPIRIT!!!! Thanks for sharing this reminder!!
    I would appreciate your prayers for my peace of mind. Have been through a very unsettling 15+ months and would so appreciate your prayers. The stress has taken its toll and has caused many ‘side effects’, ugly hair and all:(
    And lastly, can you please (please) email me your new address? I need to send something for The Hope Clinic, something I’ve not done since you’ve moved, since I didn’t know where to send it:)
    Thank you for sharing from your heart as always.
    With His Everlasting Love,
    Kaye
    Matthew 21:22

  • Ashley

    Okay first of all. Your hair is not psycho :) it’s darling! And the nodding…well poo poo… you’re passionate!!! :)
    I loved the entire interview. Watched it while my babes were napping and bawled along with the songs and the stories. Thankyou for sharing. I have no idea how you do it. Your blog is a blessing to read. I just sent an e-mail to my dear friend who lost her baby at 18 weeks… I gave her your blog website and shared Audrey’s song with her. Thankyou for ministering to women who have lost their babes. God bless you my sister in Christ!!!!!

  • http://frazzledfracas.blogspot.com/ Laura

    I just watched online, since I had to work yesterday. Your hair is fine. Your nodding was not maniacal. And I could MAYBE fit my thigh in your waistband. :)

    You are such a blessing to me. I doubt you remember, but I wrote to you two years ago, in August, just after my 13 year old son passed away. You have been able to say (write) what I have wanted to, through the grief, and the joy.

  • Godschild586

    I need some prayers, for peace and waiting on God’s time, I’m a mess over somethings and I just don’t know what to do.

  • Kaitlynldrew

    oh my gosh Angie. Thank you for this. When I read it on my reader I thought I’d pray for you but not have to put this to life anytime soon.
    Well, God did exactly what he does to you often, put you right in the middle of your fear.
    This afternoon, my first grade, six year old sister who goes to a VERY posh public school, her school was placed on lock down. There was a threatening note found in the bathroom, and now they’re investigating it and apparently they had to shut off the lights in the classroom and the kids had to stay still and not talk at all, and hide under their desks. They were eventually evacuated and now investigating it, so she is FINE, but her big sis (me)– i’m totally not. My sister was adopted from China and she is my WORLD. I love her more than anything of this world, and i would die for her without hesitation. The thought that she was even in danger has made me so upset I have been literally physically sick.
    I want to send flowers or something to her teacher because BLESS HER HEART she kept the kids so calm. She told the kids (my sister’s words) “there might be an animal or bear outside so we have to be very quiet so we don’t scare it”… oh my gosh. I love this woman. Seriously thinking about sending her flowers.
    Anyways, after crying for the past hour, I read your post again. I CANNOT CONTROL THE WORLD. BUT GOD CAN. and I love Him so much for that. He controls everything that happens and I need to remember I cannot hold my sister’s hand every day and make sure she is safe. But God does. God does. (can I type that one more time?). And I’m so thankful for that.

    • handsfull

      Send the flowers, and a note telling her how much what she did meant to you – she will treasure it! Bless you, and so glad all worked out well.

  • ellen

    Angie,
    do you think maybe you could “say absolutely nothing of value” more often? : )
    I find your very normal, day-to-day words so GOOD.

  • Guest

    i could use some prayers. for one i can’t get pregnant. i suffered a loss and i do long for another baby. i also would like prayer for my parents. they are going through a hard time with my dad’s job and the need intense prayer for the month of nov. oh thank you…i believe you are a prayer warrior.

  • g.

    #1- as others have already said, the angel pad is REDONK good! i personal think they should give them out to new mothers in the hospital (and at all daycares). They cost about $100 a piece, but really, I think it’s MORE than worth it. I don’t have children, but I can garandamntee you I wouldn’t NOT have one if I did.

    #2- Prayer: I don’t do this, I really really dont. Especially if people don’t ask. But you did. My life is absolutely bonkers right now. Absolutely nothing is as it should and I have nothing- spiritually literally and metaphorically anymore and I am worn down with the circumstances in my life. I wish I could pinpoint one thing thats causing it all and say, “yeah, could you pray for that..” but I can’t- I guess the most tangible request would be a job. And I say “tangible” because I can’t really ask anyone to pray for the mental/emotional/depression and things of that nature because it’s too hard to explain. It’s like Im sick, deathly sick, and I could explain the symptoms to someone if they really wanted me to but it’s wouldn’t do any good. I don’t know. Just everything is wrong.

    • Tena

      Try not to despair. As you know, life can change in a split second. Just as quickly as it all turned to crap, it can turn back to gold again (or at least silver). Unfortunately, we never know how long each battle will last or how bumpy the path will get. I’m trying to look outside my own depression to see what it is I am missing–what message am I not getting from God because I’m too into my own self. I know he’ll show me the plan when it’s time… in his time. But it’s still hard and not fun waiting. God takes drastic measures to bring his children back to him!

  • Robinsegg

    As a mother, I understand the fear. However, you got it right about God being in control. My husband is a police officer and I’m sometimes asked if I’m scared when he leaves for work. Surprisingly, I’m not. I know that God has my husband’s time on Earth planned. When it is his time to go to heaven, it doesn’t matter if he’s a police officer or accountant. Being careful, but not obsessive, just like you said. You’re such a sweet woman. Praying for you and your family. :)

  • KimN

    HI Angie. I really .love how God speaks to me through your words. Thank you for letting hi use you as a vessel. Is there any way to hear what you shared at the Relevant Conference?

  • http://adayinthelifesonya.blogspot.com/ Sonya

    Praying for you! I can’t stand surprises so I’m right there with you on the secret thing!

  • Mommyofsam

    I just love this post Angie! I do have a prayer request. I have a very dear friend who has been married for over 20 years and last night, her husband came to her and told her that their marriage is over and he doesn’t have any feelings for her anymore. He doesn’t want a divorce, he just wants to pretend like things are normal for their kids and essentially live separate lives. She is devastated and just doesn’t know what to do. She is a woman with a strong faith, and I pray that her husband will somehow come back around. Please say a prayer for her, her husband, and their children. Thanks so much!

  • Lindsay Berry

    I have enjoyed following your blog for a while, and haven’t commented much, but reading your blog tonight I felt a God nudge to put a prayer request out there. I have a friend whose baby- now 2 has cerebral palsy and they are having difficulty with getting her seizures managed and are having concerns about a hole near the base of her spine. Please pray for answers and peace for the family. Angie, I love your blog, and I sent some prayers up for you and your sweet family as well. God Bless you.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Allison-Stephens/580170320 Allison Stephens

    I know how you feel, I felt that way about our first so I asked the Lord to put Angels in his room and surround him as he sleeps. I could envision angels holding hands and surrounding his crib and flying all around him keeping safe and sound in Jesus’ arms.

    I know how you feel though, my best friend lost her baby and I was so afraid something would happen to mine, so I know that since your sister-n-law lost her son to SIDS, it makes it even harder, since it hit so close to home. Your attitude is right on, just keeping holding close to Him.

    Also, thank you from the bottom of my heart, your book has helped my friend so much and you are being used by the Holy Spirit in mighty, mighty ways!!!

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/2VSF3U2ACGDR4BPHBFBXULCX3I Dara

    I just started a per diem job as a Hospice Nurse after 9 months of unemployment. I want to do this job well, but I’m scared and a bit overwhelmed. I’m hoping this turns into a permanent job, but I also pray my mortgage company works with me so I don’t lose my house. Your posts always bring a smile to my face . . . I love your honesty.

  • Thehofffamily

    I know that fear feeling well. I can’t tell you how many times I have woken up just to go check that my Charlotte is still breathing too and while I am walking to her crib, I am going over what I will do if she is not. Prayer brings peace, but I think it’s our mother’s heart that just would do anything for our babies that gets us everytime. It’s sad looking at her and knowing that she is the one child that I will have that will never be held be her slightly older brother. I’ll keep praying for the both of us.

  • Christine

    If I would have known that you would have been as close as you were to my home (within an hour drive) I would have drove over to you at 100 Huntley street and told you just how wonderful I think you are! You have helped me through a difficult time by sharing your thoughts and feelings, your family and your life. I look forward to each new post from you and think that although I likely will never meet you, you have been a wonderful gift!

  • http://lifewithdandh.blogspot.com Heather

    Angie- I will definitely be praying for you. My eyes teared up when I read how you checked on Charlotte and it crossed your mind that she might not be breathing when she was on her stomach in her crib. I went through that exact same thing with my son, who is now almost 2. I came to that conclusion, too (obviously with God’s prodding :) ) that I couldn’t keep that up and He was in control. I will admit though that some of my fear did linger and even now I can’t shake it. I know he’s past that danger zone and he can roll around in his bed and sleep however he wants, but it’s still there. Thanks for sharing and encouraging me. :)
    As for your next book….perhaps it will be what you mentioned in that one session? That spoke to me. And I think I could get encouragement if you write about it. I’ll be praying for you that the Lord will lead you and show you what He wants you to write.
    Blessings, Heather

  • Anonymous

    Oh my word, Angie. I’m pretty certain that I’ve never commented here before…but, I’ve just gotta say, I just watched your interview, and you amaze me. Psycho hair and maniac nodding and all.

    When you and Todd got the opportunity to talk about Charlotte at the end, and Todd was nodding and saying, “She’s amazing. She’s amazing.” That was it for me.

    “Bring the rain”, I was done. Hello tears!! What a loving, wonderful couple you are.

    God Bless you all.

  • http://www.bestoftheworsts.blogspot.com Aewmomof4

    Ordering your book & I loved your interview. Thanks for sharing your story. Your faith is amazing and God trusted you with a big thing, and you have shown your strength. I have looked to your blog for strength, although I have my son with me, God has had other plans for his life than we thought. Our dreams for him are there, but changed. Thank you for the example of your faith. I hope that I can have courage to embark on each day as you have. I love your blog. And canot wait to read your book. Blessings!

  • Kimberly

    I’m almost done reading your book and you truly inspire me. There are many similarities to us losing our son – I felt so many of the same emotions, he lived for only about an hour and died in our arms as we sang to him and told him it was OK to go to Jesus…and he was born only about a week after Audrey. Thank you for your comforting words and strength. I’m not sure yet why God chose me for this, but I want to glorify Him. I will be praying for you and ask for your prayers for peace for my family and for my grief to continue to heal.

  • goremygo

    Angie,
    I have read your blog for the past two years. I checked in this morning and I felt like you wrote those words just for me:

    He has a plan for Charlotte, and whatever that plan is will not be enhanced by me obsessing over every single thing I think I can do to control her safety. It’s appropriate to be cautious and responsible, but I can’t let myself believe that it’s up to me…

    My husband and I have a teenage daughter. Last weekend she attended her school’s Homecoming dance. We were so worried about her safety – it was hard to relax & just let her enjoy the HS moment. Your words reminded me that I just have to ‘trust’ and remember God has a plan for her too. Thank you!

  • Cathy

    Oh Angie, how I understand that fear!! My only son was stillborn nearly 9 years ago. I was never able to conceive again and I so longed for a child. Three years ago y marriage disintegrated and I was left feeling like all my hopes and dreams of being a mom had been crushed. Shortly after my divorce some friends encouraged me to become a foster mom. I waited a year to give myself some time to heal and then fostered for 8 months before I took a beautiful 12 day old baby boy that was available for adoption. All at once I feel like God had answered every prayer I had prayed over the years and gave me a child so precious I could barely breath when I looked at him. About 2 minutes after the caseworkers left my house the fear started creeping in. Some of them rational, some of them not, but none of them are bigger than my God. David is almost 15 months old, and I will finalize his adoption in a little over a month. Even now, when I go in to check on him at night it brings tears to my eyes. I know I am so blessed to have him but sometimes the fear of losing him overwhelms me!

    Prayers and blessings for you!
    Cathy

  • Kala

    I have a prayer request. My husband and I are in the middle of an IVF cycle. We have been battling infertility for 4+ years, and hopefully in 2 weeks we will be pregnant for the first time and on Thanksgiving day, we will get confirmation that God has allowed us to experience a true positive Beta test. I would give anything to experience pregnancy and have the opportunity to check on our children nightly. God is good, no matter the outcome. :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/mandy.mattos Mandy Mattos

    Angie,
    Just saw the 100 Huntley Street interview. Despite the psycho hair :) . you and Todd were great!! Thank you for sharing your story and Audrey’s life with all of us.

    I have a beautiful, spunky 4-year old girl. I miscarried my first baby, before my daughter’s birth and miscarried again after her birth. I am now 22 weeks pregnant with baby #4, a boy. I am ecstatic, but also scared. Everything was great at his 20 week ultrasound and I am so blessed by God for giving us this gift! I can’t wait to meet him in March.

    -Mandy

  • http://margaretsundone.blogspot.com/ Margaret

    Angie I just watched your interview on 100 Huntley St and there was so much I could relate with. At my routine 20 wk fetal anatomy scan for my twins, it was discovered that my son (Baby B) had a complex congenital heart defect. I too was offered a termination, however mine was termed a “selective reduction” as I was pregnant with two babies. This was absolutely not an option for our family and I too chose to carry my son knowing that he would be facing serious health issues at birth. I prayed for a miracle and healing the entire time I was pregnant, having always had a strong faith in the Lord. When my son and daughter were born, my husband and I learned how very serious Calvin’s defect was and what we were up against. My son died after open heart surgery at six days old, and my faith was shaken to the core. I am still struggling day after day to come to terms with the death of my beautiful baby boy, with my faith in God’s goodness and trying to make sense out of “why”. Your story gives me hope that someday I will find my faith again, make peace with God for what has happened and truly “know” that I will see my son again when it’s my turn to leave…thank you for sharing Audrey’s story. From one bereaved mother to another, I send you my love and understanding….

  • Homegrownrealtor

    I am thrilled to pieces that you have the angel care monitor now. Yay!

    • Melissa

      whoops, i put in the wrong email address

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Claudia-Jara-Dalton/754047621 Claudia Jara Dalton

    I came back today to say I did watched the video :) I couldn’t do it yesterday when I left my prayer request, which seems so silly compare to others but we all related and prayed and asked to the same – one and only – God so thank you for praying!!

    Love the “crazy” hair :)

    Love your sweet soul!!

  • Julie

    Hi Angie,
    I just wanted to let you know that I was very paranoid with my first son about whether or not he was breathing once he was able to roll over onto his stomach (and it didn’t help that he liked to push his little face into his bumper and sleep!) so I bought the angel care monitor. Unfortunately for me it did not work out too well because our little guy was a mover when he slept and he would sometimes move out of range of the monitor and so it would go off unnecessarily giving us a heart attack each time. They may have improved it since then (it’s been 3 years) and that may not be a problem anymore. This is in no way meant to discredit the product or scare you, I just wanted you to be aware that a false alarm may happen from time to time. Hope it works out well for you! God bless!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=40800421 Chelsea Corwin

    I just wanted to let you know that I went through the same feelings of constantly needing to check on my daughter recently. About a month ago our 17 month old daughter was in our bed (she had been fussing and so we let her in our bed as a last result for sleep!). She had been rolling around between us and I finally decided enough was enough and got up to put her in her bed. When I laid her down she just flopped down, limp. I picked her up and realized she wasn’t breathing. We called 911 and did everything we could to get to respond to us and start breathing. When my husband started the rescue breaths for cpr, she woke up screaming. It was awful. I struggled for about a week after that of constantly checking on her, waking up numerous times to go into her room until I felt God say similar things to me as he said to you. I still struggle with those feelings, but am trying so hard to use them to depend on God to provide and care for her like only He can! I’m praying for you and hopefully the monitor can help you as well!

  • Shaeaubreydre

    I have no idea how I am going to pay for my daughter’s college next semester. Thanks for praying to such a sweet God for this need for my child.

  • Kylea

    I listened to your interview and I thought it was great. I’m in the process of reading your book and it’s wonderful, though I always seem to put it down with tears in my eyes. It’s a blessing. I would covet your prayers during this time as my husband is deployed to Afghanistan. This is deployment #6 for him and hopefully the last. It’s been tougher than I ever dreamed or imagined it would be. Please pray for his protection and safety. Please pray that God would bring him back to me safely. I could go on and on with prayer requests for him right now, but God knows his needs. Please pray God would meet those needs and surround my husband with protection.

    PS….so looking forward to Selah being at my church this Sunday! Can’t wait!

  • Bridgemacd

    Oh Angie, I can so relate to the “praying beside the crib” – when my third was born my second had just been diagnosed with a severe neurological disorder that would cause her to never walk, talk or use her hands again. I obsessed over my little Gracie, praying and hoping and loosing sleep over wondering if Gracie would have the same fate as her big sister. I finally got to a realization that it was in Gods hands and that He would work all things for good. Praying for you sister!! And your beautiful babies!!!

  • Sharon

    Hi Angie. I just wanted to let you know that I just finished reading “I will carry you”, and all I can say is WOW! I have been following your blog pretty much since you started it and when you told us you would be writing your story in even more detail about your journey with Audrey I couldn’t wait to read it. I love you!! The Lord uses you to speak to me so much every page that I read, and every blog post that you write…honestly. I love your heart, your transparancy and yor love for the Lord. You are a blessing to so many I know…but to me too :) Hope that blesses your day for you sure have blessed a LOT of mine. (And I didn’t know you were in the process of writing another book…now I can’t wait to read that one!)

    In His Love, Sharon :)

  • Pooh_barney

    Hi Angie, I sure could use some prayers right now. We are trying for our 5th baby and I know God has a plan but it has been 8 long months and before it only took us the first month. Please pray for pregnancy or peace with this. Thank you for praying and sharing your story.

  • Abowers98

    Hi Angie~

    My husband and I have been desperately praying for a baby and while we are currently doing infertility treatments it has yet to be succesfful. I could use some peace and prayer. Thank you! You inspire me daily!

  • Hezugirl

    I had the same fear with baby Olive. I used an infant positioner to help her stay put. I actually made her sleep on her side because I was worried she’d spit up and choke on it (talk about paranoid).

  • Beth K

    Angie, I emailed you a week or so ago, I know how busy you are. I just want to thank you for sharing your story. Like you, my husband and I have four daughters, three teenagers and our precious baby girl, Arlena, who was born with a complex congenital heart defect and lived for 2 weeks and one hours. She was born on 10/8 /2010 and went home to Jesus on 10/22/2010. My heart is crushed and I’m so sad, but I am comforted knowing that I am not alone. I will see my sweet girl again one day. The only thing that is getting me through this is knowing God will get me through this. My niece sang, “I will carry you” at Arlena’s funeral service. Someone at church bought the book for me, I am getting it from her tomorrow and can’t wait to read it. Thank you, Angie, for sharing your grief and your heart, may God bless you and your family. Your newest addition, Charlotte, is precious.. It comforts me to know that in His goodness, God blessed you with another baby girl, not to replace Audrey but to bring you even more joy.
    In Christ,
    Beth K

  • Rllewellin

    Dear Angie ~ you were beautiful on 100 Huntley Street……..I know that you ministered to many viewers. God Blelss, Barbra.

  • Jaci

    Hi Angie,

    I would love if you could pray for my baby Daniel. He is the youngest of my five kiddos. He is 10 months old today and he is very sick. He has idiopathic (they don’t know why) primary pulmonary hypertension. The doctors are unsure of how long he might live. We have held him twice now where we thought we were watching him take his last breaths. The last time was one month ago. There is so much I could say or details I could give, but I am so tired and since you asked for requests I just felt like I should leave this here tonight. God knows what he/we need and I trust that. Thanks for offering to pray.

    During the first few months of life I have never been very good at letting any of my kids just sleep and not leap out of bed 97 times to check on them. So sorry you are experiencing this. Well maybe not the 97 times. :) I will be praying for you as well.

    Thank you for sharing your joys and sorrows. You are a blessing by being you.

  • Clairehardin

    Thank you for sharing, Angie. I’m not a mom but I can relate to this. The last time I was with my grandfather, not a believer, before he died, I knelt by his bed in the middle of the night while he was asleep and prayed and wept until I had no tears left. I felt sweet Jesus whisper to me that He is sovereign over my grandfather’s heart and over his life. He died two weeks later, and I have no reason to believe that he is with Jesus – it is still so hard.

    ch

  • Jnlstoll

    There are so many good resources out there and products that you can buy as a parent nowadays that try to relieve some of the stress and the panic that we all too often let take over our minds. But the reality is, although they can make you feel like you’re doing everything humanly possible….the fact of the matter is – the only way to be at peace is to rest in your Father’s arms, and let His words speak to your heart and protect your children. What God’s been showing me is that we don’t need to cope with these fears or assure each other that it’s going to be a stressful time of little to no sleep and all too frequent worrying…..it’s time we use His word to accomplish all that He said it will for us!!! Almost every night I put my girls to bed since I discovered this verse, we end our prayers by saying Proverbs 4:8 – I will both lay down in peace and sleep, for the Lord alone makes me dwell in safety. I’ve been so blessed to step out in prayer with some of my friends having their 2nd and 3rd babies and revisiting the sleep deprived and worrisome “new baby” phase all over again….and once they grab ahold of this verse and choose to speak it out loud in their homes and over their children (as well as themselves! since at night is when our minds wander even worse if we let them, hey?!), every single one of them came back and told me that it absolutely TRANSFORMED the sleep in their home…they’re children were sleeping all night and so were they!! His word never fails – and He wants nothing more than to have you rest in His arms…no amount of worry, no matter how “healthy” the world makes it seem, is worth it in comparison to the freedom and protection of a God that literally died to show you how much He loved you.
    Thank you, Angie, for the blessing you are and continue to be – may you have complete peace every night from this point forward no matter what position Charlotte falls asleep in….knowing that God is not only able, but absolutely willing to protect her with His life. Be blessed!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_ZLJFRULTYW35XOLNNP3M2VQQPE C

    Another faithful angle care movement monitor user here. It allowed me to REST. It is a good, good thing!

  • http://embracingthecraziness.blogspot.com/ Kelly

    We always love to hear from you!

  • Anonymous

    angie, i ADORE you and your posts, even when YOU think you have said seemingly nothing. everytime i see you have a new post, i get excited! anyways, i have given you the “versatile blogger award”. you can go to seethepositive.blogspot.com to see it and feel free to repost about it. that would PROBABLY make my life…. but i know you’re just a *tad* busy :) thanks for always sharing your heart. God bless you!!!

  • Kristi F

    A post of value is in the eye of the reader, Ms. Angie!

  • Jtlmetzger

    Please pray for our pregnancy. We are currently 12 weeks along with twins. This pregnancy has been a roller coaster… we were expecting triplets but have lost one. Baby B has a nuchal fold of 4.0 where Baby A is 1.0. Baby B was measuring about a week behind Baby A but has thankfully caught up. This baby is a fighter already! Please pray that both babies are healthy and continue to grow strong and we will bring them both home.

  • michelle

    Angie: A friend shared your blog with me as I started my pregnancy. I have enjoyed reading your words – my daughter was born just a few weeks after Charlotte. She was our “surprise package” and a complete gift from God. There’s no other words to describe it. We were not planning another baby – but he clearly had other plans. And I’m so grateful.
    I was going to write a prayer request… but after reading so many here, please know I’m going to start praying these requests with you.

  • Shandee

    I don’t know if anyone has told you this yet, but I don’t think the Third Day song you have on your playlist is the one you meant. You have it listed as “Nothing Compares” but the song that plays is “Nothing At All”.

  • Amanda

    Angie, you prayed for me several months ago when I emailed you a request. I am so sorry that I never replied to update you. I won’t go into it all here, but I will tell you that God has done some AMAZING things in my life since that time. It seems though, that He is asking me to give Him my voice right now, and that is a painful thing for me to let go of. I just blogged about it yesterday, so if you’d like to read more detail, you can do so there. Thanks so much for your loving heart and for caring so much! :)
    http://www.jonesmama.blogspot.com
    Amanda Jones

  • http://twitter.com/ninesandquines ninesandquines

    angie, i just had my second miscarriage in under 11 months on saturday night….our first was conceived through IUI and this one was through a frozen embryo transfer after a failed IVF cycle….my heart hurts but i am trying to move forward….please say a prayer that our dream to become parents together will come to us….

  • Corey_louise26

    Please Please pray. My family is on the edge of losing everything. Our phone is due to be shut off, we just lost insurance, and we are behind on rent. My husband has been without work for 7 months now. The electric company has been kind, but that’s got a shut off notice coming soon too. He does not qualify for unemployment. I am tired, and weary. I am so glad that while my finances and home are not secure…My salvation IS. I know my Redeemer lives. Praising HIM in this storm, but begging for His mercy and Grace, and asking for prayers.

  • Kacy

    Ok… So this is so fun.. I am reading this book called “Sacred Parenting” and tonight I was so blessed to be able to go to a coffee shop ALONE (I have 4 small children, so alone is great!! :) . While I was there I read this chapter in the book and it was all about not being afraid in relation to parenting. It was so encouraging to me because I too have been struggling with some different things in terms of fear. Anyways, you seem to be someone who enjoys reading… check it out if you’d like. :) It’s always a pleassure popping over to your blog. :) Hope you have a great day.

  • Virginia

    I watched your interview on Huntley Street the day it aired. Thank you and Todd both for being open about the journey you’ve travelled. I have prayed for you for ages and have learnt so much from you, just because of how much you have been willing to share with us (your readers).

    I’ll continue to pray for you!

    P.S. – I didn’t think your hair looked bad!!

  • Tammy Byrd

    Angie, my mom was recently diagnosed with Gall Bladder Cancer. We’ve been told it’s not curable,but treatable. She begins chemo this Thursday. Obviously, this has been a blow to all of us and we are struggling. Would appreciate the prayers…..Tammy

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1553991615 Meredith Chatham Harper

    I just read your post, and I rearely comment but I have a prayer request and just feel like God is telling me to share it, so here goes. Please pray for my husband as he has an interview tomorrow and possibly later this week. he has been out of work for over 15 months and we are getting to that scary point where certain benefits stop. I work but have added days and honestly I am ready to go back to being mommy. Anyway if you could be praying for us i would really appreciate it. Thanks, Meredith

  • Lisa Murphy

    Hello Angie, I stumbled upon your story and your blog by accident…or not. I am in the process of trying to write my own book that shares many elements of your own inspirational story. In looking for ‘competing titles’ to submit a proposal to a publisher–I discover you. Amazing.

    I’ll try to keep it brief as I see you have so many followers to keep up with. Last January, we adopted a two-year old son from China whom we named Daniel. He had four major heart defects and needed open-heart surgery. It was our hope that we could fix little Daniel and give him the life of love and a family that he so deserved. We brought him home and fell in love with him instantly. Our five-year old daughter, who is also adopted from China, fell in love with Daniel too. His surgery took place on May 11th, and to our sadness he wasn’t able to recover. We lost him to Jesus on May 30th. Much like you and your family, we experienced miracles along the way that I wish to share with the world. We were so blessed to have Daniel in our lives, even for such a short time.

    I am happy to report that we are on a path to adopt again. We will be posting details of our new journey and many posts exist about our sweet journey with Daniel if you ever wish to read more: http://www.everythingmadi.blogspot.com

    Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for witnessing. I plan to buy your book, so I can learn more from you and about you. I am still such a “student” in life, even at 43 years of age. God bless you for inspiring so many people…

    Lisa Murphy

  • Jennifer Land

    Angie,

    I love your blog. So happy it was suggested to me. I have a prayer request for you. I live in Smyrna, TN and a couple of the women I go to church with have struggled with infertility and pregnancy loss. We started a ministry group called Hannah’s Prayer, but we’re struggling. There are just three of us who make it to the meetings, just once a month our “leader” has just gotten a job at nights which means it’s just down to two of us, me (2 miscarriages) and one other who’s dealing with infertility and had one miscarriage. I really feel like this is where God’s calling for me is, but I have no idea how to strengthen us and hopefully turn it into a big support group here in this area. Just please pray for us. Thanks.

  • Francesstill

    Angie,
    For the past nine months I have been following your recent blogs plus reading past blogs. I in May lost my 4th son due to Anenephaly. God through you and your sweet family allowed me to not feel alone during all of the chaos around me and my family. Thank you so much for being a voice in the slience that many feel when they have recieved a fatal diagnosis of their angel.
    My prayer requests is to listen for Gods voice right now. After delivery of my sweet Stephen Timothy my liver ruptured and was quite sick, my husban would say close to death. Stephens early delivery by almost a month was I believe to save my life. Anyway, I have been told that to carry another baby would not be safe. I am so struggling with this. My heart breaks for the child I no longer have and for the next that will not be. Please just pray that I can hear His voice above my own and heed is direction.
    Your sister in CHRIST,
    Frances Still

  • Amaris

    Please pray for my friend Magdiel who lost her baby girl at 20 weeks today after four weeks on bedrest to try to keep the baby inside.

    Also, I have so appreciated reading your blog over the past year or so, especially as a new doctor who cares for people in seasons of loss as well as a sister in Christ.

    Thank you for your heart, your courage, your faith, your honesty and vulnerability.
    Amaris

  • http://020110.blogspot.com Tahnie

    Hi Angie,

    I mailed you some information about Cystinosis http://cystinosis.org a few years ago and asked for some advice for new ideas for fundraisers. We lost 3 beautiful young adults this summer and it has rocked me to the core. My daughter is 1 of about 5 in the world because only a few other women with Cystinosis have been able to have children. My miracle girl, Sookie, is 9 months old now and I still struggle with going to check on her way too many times during the night.

    Please pray that I can just let go and stop imagining every worst case scenario with her; I am still having a difficult time believing she made it here and that I am still alive as well. I feel like I don’t deserve her, but my heart knows I was meant to be her mommy. I am dealing with some major health issues, but I am so grateful just to be here every single day and bask in the beauty of this little being.

    We are struggling financially right now, my medical bills are overwhelming, so I would appreciate prayers with that as well. My sweetie has a wonderful iPhone app company and genius ideas with apps out like Wig It where you can add silly wigs to any photos, and Monster Meter, which scans any room to let children know there are no monsters so they can sleep at night. Please pray for sales to pick up.

    Thank you for letting me babble. You are such a light in this world!

    http://020110.blogspot.com/

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=637879042 Rhea Lynn Ward

    Hi Angie,
    I just wanted to tell you how much of a blessing you have been to me. I came across your blog through a friend. My husband and I lost our fourth child, a little boy this summer. I was 16 weeks along. This was our second miscarriage and by far has been the hardest.
    Thank you for sharing Audrey’s story and for being so transparent in your journey. Ive found so much encouragement in your blogs as well as from the women that comment.
    I feel that God sent me to you so I could see Him shining through how closely he has walked with you and your family.
    Im clinging to him and am slowly but surely healing. Writing is helping me heal. My blog site is http://delightsfromthedomestickingdom.blogspot.com/2010/11/32-weeks.html
    Thank you again for sharing your journey.
    Rhea

  • http://ourmiraclelillyelizabeth.blogspot.com Elena

    Will be keeping you in my prayers! Excited to hear what your news will be :) God definitely has a way of doing that to us. Glad to hear that all is well. I am just now reading your book (it was sent to me by a fellow blogger mom) it is truly amazing, I find myself relating to it. We were given Lilly’s diagnosis at 21 1/2 weeks and carried her to term so there are a lot of ways I can relate to your words, so thank you for writing it.

  • Jtlmetzger

    All of your prayers worked!!! We just got the cvs results.. a HEALTHY boy and a HEALTHY girl!!!!!

  • Shelly Foster

    Angie…I love you and your blog…thank you for sharing. I WILL be praying for “peace” for you and that you can realx and not worry so much about Charlotte’s new sleeping “habit”….I know it must be difficult .

    I do have a prayer request…please. My husband desperately needs work…he is in the flooring business (polished concrete, stained concrete, decorative concrete, coatings, tile, etc) We live in Memphis , but he will travel to wherever he is needed . We have a special needs son and money is very , very tight …and I’m getting scared. Will you please lift us in prayer the the Lord will provide some work for him.Thank you.

    Hugs and blessings!

  • Mommy2aews

    I bought a monitor with a movement sensor for my youngest son after his big (baby brother) passed and I was having fear issues. I sleep so much better knowing that sensor is under him. It’s an AngelCare monitor and it beeps once if it detects no movement (it even detects breathing) for 10 seconds and it goes off if there is no movement detected for fifteen seconds. I Highly recommend this monitor. My son Seth was born about a week after Charlotte was born and I haven’t put him down for the night without that sensor pad being underneath him. It has really given me peace of mind.

  • http://wyattnathaniel.blogspot.com Danielle

    Oops. Just saw your update. Guess you already knew about the monitor :) Hope it helps you sleep better at night like it has done for our family…

  • Kendycox

    Thank you for posting the link to your interview……you did great and your hair looked good! No worries there, beautiful lady. I wam glad to pray for your fears about Charlotte. I know the monitor will help!

    I wrote about you and other bloggers I follow on a blog for which I write in the Woman2Woman section. I’m a self professed “blogaholic” but I wouldn’t have it any other way! http://reddirtchronicles.com/category/woman2woman/

  • http://twitter.com/livvg Olivia Garland

    Angie,
    Your blog brings me such comfort when reading. Six months ago (to the date) I lost a daughter at 27 weeks. She was my second child, and it was the absolute hardest thing I have experienced in life. Jesus was there the whole time with me, even let me sleep through delivery as I had prayed for. There was no warning as far as something being wrong..just went in for a checkup and no heart beat was to be found. We (my husband and I) were able to see her body and hold her, however it was the most awkward feeling knowing that is just her body..her soul is with Jesus waiting for Mommy, Daddy and her big sister..

    Anywho..It’s very easy to relate to A LOT of your feelings. As you are with Charlotte, I am feeling that way with my now 3year old daughter. I check on her sleeping way more than I should, and need to trust she will be okay, and no matter how many times I check..Jesus is the main man in control :) . Let’s pray for eachother!

    Thanks & Love!
    Olivia

  • Sarah

    As always, love your blog, Angie. You never fail to inspire me to be a better Christian :)

    re: prayer requests…please pray for my friend Skye Lanford and her girls Carys and Cailyn. Her husband/the girls father Chad passed away this week following a three year battle with brain cancer. http://thelanfords.com/

  • http://www.gretabarbara.blogspot.com karla

    I just read your post about Charlotte rolling to her tummy. Our daughter is 8 months old now but she started rolling to her tummy when she was just under 3 months and once she figured it out that was her preferred method. Everyone says that when they can roll to their tummy on their own it’s fine if they sleep that way but it still made me so worried. Especially when she would sleep with her face planted in the mattress. We have the Angelcare Monitor too, and a video monitor (can you say “neurotic”?) but I found something at Babies R Us that gave me peace of mind. It’s a Snooze Sack. It is just like a sleep sack but it has two velcro tabs at the waist. You have to also buy a special sheet and then the baby lays on their back in the middle of the crib and the velcro tabs attach to the sheet so it hold the baby in place when they try to roll. They can slightly roll to their side but it was just enough for our daughter to stay on her back. I think we used it until she was 6 months. Only the 0-3 month size sleep sacks have the velcro tabs but our daughter is smaller (16# at 6 months) so she was able to fit into the 0-3 month sack. If I lived in TN I’d let you borrow ours to try it out. I wish I would have invented it. Such a neat idea. Good Luck! http://soothetime.com/zzztime/stage-1-snoozesack/

  • Faith913

    I have so many prayer requests that I’m not even sure where to start and I feel a little guilty that they’re all for me/my family b/c I am so used to asking prayer for everyone else…..but, here goes…..
    My husband is a music pastor. This past week he was moved to part time b/c of the financial difficulties at our church. We joined this church only 8 months ago, and when we moved we had to rent our home that is an hour and 15 min away. Our tenant has not yet paid rent this month, and if we don’t receive rent on Monday we will have to evict her. We rent the current home we’re in, and we’re not able to afford one let alone two homes. We’ve never been in this sort of financial difficulty and we don’t know what to do next……currently we have 3 part time jobs b/t the two of us and that’s still not going to cut it. We’re both looking for full time work but nothing is opening. And now if we have to evict our tenant, we would have to move back to our house that is an hour and a half away….plus we would need jobs over there. Sigh. We’re just waiting and praying for God’s direction and provision.

    • Faith913

      Finally heard from our tenant last night who said rent should be here mon or tues. That is a burden lifted!!

  • Ahanson98

    Angie,

    A month or so ago, you mentioned someone’s blog in your Twitter feed and I’ve searched and searched for it to find it again. It was the woman who had bought the house, was remodeling and blogging about it. Ring a bell? Can you retweet or msg me with that blog name?

    Thanks so much!
    Abbey

  • Tristendinkel

    Angie-

    I just wanted to say thank you. thank you for being you, thank you for sharing. i am currently 27 weeks pregnant with our first child who has been diagnosed with a potentially fatal form of dwarfism. one of my friends recommended your book. i got it and read it all in one setting, along with a box of tissues. my heart ached and yet was comforted by someone saying all the things we were thinking and feeling. i was so comforted by feeling like someone else knows the pain we are feeling and fear we have. i was comforted by the verses you provided and seeing what you did to include her in your life while she was still in you. i was still mourning the coming loss of my baby and hadn’t really thought of all the big girl losses i am going to miss with her. it was hard yet therapeutic to just cry over that and have one big cry fest that night. it also really helped me think of what we will do service wise to remember her. thank you for sharing. i am so thankful God has worked in you…. he has used you in huge ways! i will read and re-read your book through the rest of the pregnancy.

    all my thanks, tristen dinkel

    http://thedinkelfamily.blogspot.com/

  • Genevieve

    Angie,

    I don’t have time to read all the comments, so forgive me if this is a repeat. BUT if you are concerned about air circulation regarding Charlotte sleeping on her tummy…..please know that new guidelines are in place to prevent SIDS. A ceiling fan will reduce the chances of baby breathing in stale air by something like 70%. I forget the exact statistics. But please please have a ceiling fan circulating in her room. All babies should have this. If there is not a ceiling fan in the room, any tabletop fan would do as well. It’s just a matter of circulating the air.

  • Rjcoots

    Hi Angie. This is Julie Coots (Joyce Ostermiller’s daughter). I wrote to you last Christmas about getting a signed copy of your book for my mom. You sent a sweet note for me to give her on Christmas. She said that she sent you a comment asking about it and that you said you sent it to me. I have not received it. I just wanted to know if that is something you are still willing o do or if I should just buy the book for her from the store. I am totally not asking for a free copy- I want to pay for it. I just thought it would be special for her to have asigned copy. Please let me know if you can! rjcoots@hotmail.com Thanks!

  • Jill Averitt

    My baby is a year old. Took us three years to get pregnant with her. I go in to check on her several times at night. Every.Single.Night – fearing she might not be breathing. I pray safety over her every night, yet I still fear that He might take her from me. Reading this made me realize I need to trust Him – stop trying to control something that is absolutely out of my control. She’s His. I promised Him that I would give my child back to Him, raise her to love Him and Him alone…if He would only bless me with a child. And here I am, trying to take her back.

    *crying*

    Thank you for sharing. Praying for you, as well.

  • Anonymous

    Three cheers for the Angelcare monitor! It’s such a great thing to have during those early months with tummy sleepers and when they get a little bit older and need a lovey (blanket, stuffed animal) in the crib with them. Well worth the splurge!

  • http://www.busymakingmemories.blogspot.com Stephanie Martinez

    My daughter, Sadie, sleeps on her tummy. I remember doing the SAME thing (constantly turning her back over). As it turns out, she prefers to sleep that way because she breathes better when she does. She has sleep apnea & after 3 sleep studies we’ve found out that it’s considered severed if she’s on her back, but mild if she’s on her tummy. So, for my girl – sleeping on her tummy is a must.

  • guest

    I think I know the secret. So excited and praying for you.

  • Heather

    November 3, the day of your last post, was the first day my husband spent in heaven. I’m 31 and a stay-at-home-mom; we have a 5 year-old, 2 year-old, and 11 month-old. I have a great sense of peace, but thank you for praying. Your journey with grief has been a great source of comfort during our journey with cancer. My husband and I sang “Bring the Rain” together at our church where he was ministering after his first diagnosis 2 and1/2 years ago. The video will now serve as a testimony for our children to know their father’s faith. Please lift Anna, Braden, and Kaleb up in your prayers.

  • Joan Hubbell

    I have been meaning to recommend a book that I think you would love– Tattoos on the Heart by Father Greg Boyle. I don’t know if you have heard of him before, but you can do a search for him on You Tube. Truly the most inspiring person I have ever heard speak. His book chronicles his work with gang members. I can’t imagine a better example of truly embodying unconditional love.

  • Bevinsmail

    My children who are now 29 and 30 slept on their backs … rest assured – you heard the Lord. I am reading your book and it’s wonderful. Thanks for sharing such intimate details of your heart and life.

  • Audiekristine

    Dear Angie, I just found your blog and found the beginning of the story. I mourn with you, rejoice with you, and most importantly trust God with you. God bless you dear friend from afar. God bless you and your sweet family. I look forward to the day when every knee will bow and every tongue confess, and our tears will be wiped away. And yes, my name is Audra too. :)

  • http://www.itsgrace.com Erin

    I have a premonition about your news. At Relevant you said you aren’t a speaker (even though you did a GREAT job and were so funny), so I could see God having a sense of humor in this area. I could totally see you as part of a speaking gig with other women. Whatever it is, God handpicked you for, and you will do great.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1013611581 Carrie Konig

    After losing our baby girl, Eden, at 22wks 4 days along & now that I am pregnant again (Praise You Jesus!) , I am going to get one of those Angelcare movement detectors! I hadn’t heard of it before! Thank you bloggers!!! Please pray for our pregnancy & also please pray Mrs. Ray, my daughters 3rd Reading teacher, her newborn son Adam is now w/ Jesus from what they believe was SIDS.