We just got home from Toronto yesterday (we did 100 Huntley Street and they are the nicest people ever). If you decide to brave the interview, just know that my hair is psycho and I nod maniacally throughout. Watching yourself on video is even worse than hearing your voice on an answering machine. Most of the time I never watch or listen to anything I’ve done for this reason, but I always pray God will use it to speak to other people despite me and my bizarro hair.
It was the last trip for awhile and I feel like I can exhale just a little bit. It was only one night away but i still cried in the hotel room:( I seem to be doing that a lot lately.
And unfortunately for my waistline, room service almost always accompanies crying. Reason number 2 I don’t watch my interviews.
So anyway, I’m so glad to be home. I have a Bible study on Wednesdays with other moms and I just love the women who are in the group. The kids also have a great time because there are several homeschoolers and they all come so it’s a blast. They just do spelling bees and geometry while braiding each other’s hair. Actually they trade animal bracelets and based on what I saw today, my little Kate is a sly shark. She is a stinking riot. The other day the girls were talking about their tithes and Abby decided she was going to give 20% so that Jesus could have 10 and God could have 10. Then Ellie said she was going to do the same but maybe give another 10% because she didn’t want the Holy Spirit to feel left out. At that point Kate (money clenched in fists) replied thoughtfully, “Well, I think I will give God just my hugs and kisses” and proceeded to hold onto her cash. She did eventually give it back to the Jesus jar but I’m not sure she got the whole “joy of stewardship” thing.
I haven’t talked about Charlotte recently on here…so sorry! I need to download some pictures as well so you can see how she’s growing. Honest to goodness she is the sweetest baby you could ever imagine. She just loves to be with you and will lay her little head down on anyone’s shoulder and snuggle in. She smiles all the time and she has this calm, gentle, loving personality that makes her so hard to put down. I feel like she’s really different from the other girls at her age because she is just so content all the time. I’m glad I got a super easy one as my fourth!!! I’m so grateful for every bit of her I get to enjoy, but I’m sure that others who have lost a child would agree that there’s a bittersweet feeling that comes along with seeing her grow and wondering what the other child would have been like. The girls have been talking a lot about Audrey lately and I think they sense it too.
On a related note, I’ve been struggling with a lot of fear related to Charlotte. I was sharing with my sister in law the other night about how Charlotte has started flipping over to sleep on her stomach and for awhile I would go in every half hour and put her back on her back. Again. And again. And again. I could feel myself starting to panic whenever I walked into the room, my mind telling me that she might not be breathing anymore. Finally, after I had done this more times than I can say, I felt the Lord stop me midway over to her and say gently, “Angie. How long will you do this?”
So instead of turning her over I sat on the floor and prayed. And prayed. And prayed.
And then I closed the door behind me and took Him at His word. I know that God is good, and that He doesn’t go off duty and let things just fall apart. He has a plan for Charlotte, and whatever that plan is will not be enhanced by me obsessing over every single thing I think I can do to control her safety. It’s appropriate to be cautious and responsible, but I can’t let myself believe that it’s up to me…but that is so hard.
So, there’s a prayer request if you don’t mind
I have a few more announcements coming up (no, I’m not pregnant ) and when the time is right I will be so excited to share with you…but you can rest assured that as wonderful as they are, there are most certainly (GULP) prayer requests that will go along with them!!! Let’s just say God has a sense of humor, and when I tell Him I’m too scared to do something, He finds a way to drop me right in the center of the fear. I know that’s where He is, so I’m jumping, but it is a scary feeling…especially with my hair being uncooperative. It just makes it all harder, you know?
Incidentally, I despise secrets (I actually got ticked at Todd when he planned a surprise party for me the first year we were married. Hasn’t happened since.) so I will definitely fill you all in soon!!! In the meantime, will you also ask the Lord to give me peace?
I have a feeling that some of the stress is coming from the work I’m doing on my next book-it’s bringing up some difficult memories but I hope there will be great fruit in the end. Right now it kind of feels like squashed bananas and rotten apples
I know I have said absolutely nothing of value in this post, but I really just wanted to say hello. As always, please feel free to share any prayer requests you have in the comments and know that you will be prayed over. I honestly can’t tell you how much it means to me when I ask you all a question and then I get to read all the great suggestions and thoughts…it makes this feel like a community and I love that
With love and gratitude,