You want some insight into a blogger’s world? Here, hang on. I’ll grab the door and you add what you want to the coffee i just poured.
I wrote a post that I thought was a funny example of what I saw a mom doing in a shop. Most people got it, and most people know my heart by now. But the word “most” fades pretty quickly when you’re rocking your baby to sleep and wiping your own tears off her head. Why? Because a few others didn’t agree. I’m all about healthy disagreement, but oh, MY.
If you’re wondering why (and I have several emails piled up from the past few months, so I know a couple of you wonder :)) I haven’t posted about parenting or any other “personal” stuff, well….it’s because I don’t like to rock my daughter and cry on her.
Know what’s worse? When your eight year old asks you why you were crying and you say, “Because I hurt someone’s feelings.” She hugged me and told me she knew I would never do it on purpose and told me she had a broken heart. I fully expect artwork detailing her disappointment today…:)
But here’s the bottom line. I woke up this morning and I was praying and thinking about my intentions and my heart, and you know what? I’m not a mean person. And if you saw me as judgmental, smug, and spent your time picking me apart for failing to show a stranger the love of Christ, I sincerely apologize that this was what stood out. It was a commentary about our society and about my own weaknesses as a parent. And quite frankly (take a swig of your mocha) this is the reason I sometimes stick to writing about boring stuff. I’m not a shock-seeker. I swing my kids, I make their lunches, and I do my best to show them Jesus.
I’m not crying this morning, by the way. I’m really, really okay, so please don’t see this as a ploy for support 🙂
Honest to goodness I’m at peace and I know who I am and what I intended. My phone is full of text messages from people who are dear friends and are encouraging me, my precious nanny jumped into the comments to describe what she sees in me (and she, ummm, sees a lot…and it definitely isn’t all good), and my daughters are going to make me art 🙂
Those who really know me wouldn’t say that was my intention and I don’t think the Lord Himself would. He knew exactly what was in my heart when I was writing, and I need to just remember that when I’m bummed out that I feel like I hurt someone.
All that to say, here’s what I think is really, really sad.
I posted a quick blurb about how there were some unkind comments, and Y’ALL (correct apostrophe placement. Amen.).
I watched my traffic go through the roof.
Not terribly surprising, although it wasn’t my goal at all. I actually despise every moment of what I’m doing right now and would much prefer an unmedicated root canal, but I have a point worth making and I want you to hear it.
There was FAR more outrage over a post about a woman in a children’s store then there was about this.
And guess what?
I’m talking about me.
I didn’t go to bed thinking about this room (it’s the family room, bedroom 1, bedroom 2, kitchen, dining room etc. in case you’re wondering…) but about how I felt beat up and misunderstood.
Am I being judgmental? Absolutely. And I deserve that judgment.
It’s an ugly truth that I am often more concerned about my own immediate needs, desires, and petty “problems” than I am about the fact that some of my friends are halfway around the world trying to help children make it to the dawn of another day.
Lord Jesus, help me get over myself.
I’m not going to assume you see yourself in this criticism, but if you do, will you do me a favor? Please? Just read this blog post and pray about whatever the Lord puts on your heart as far as reaching out and doing something that really matters. And if it means that you don’t (ok, darn it. I don’t) get to go shop for a couple new things, then so be it.
I stand fully convicted, and I have repented to the Lord of my own sin. I apologize to anyone who inadvertently offended yesterday, but more than that, I apologize to those who don’t feel offended today.
Because if this picture and this post don’t offend you, then we aren’t doing our jobs as people seeking the God Who made Himself small so we could whisper His name.
The level of cuteness right here is out of this world. Would you pray about being a light to one of them?
Skip Gymboree. I’m pretty sure the sale is over anyway.
Go change the world instead.