Hush.

It was 4:00 in the morning, and like clockwork, Charlotte started screaming.

Confession: Todd usually gets up with her in the middle of the night. Another confession: He usually gets up before me with the kids in the morning. One more confession: He does 98 % of the laundry and more than half of the housework. I have other confessions but I will save them for a day when you might not decide to hate me because I have such a great husband. :)

Anyway, last night when Charlotte started screaming, instead of her normal “please come get me and rock me back to sleep” sound, she was wailing. She went from dead asleep to sounding like she was desperately afraid in about 4 seconds. I opened my eyes and sat still for a second because sometimes she goes right back to sleep.

“Mommy! Mommy! MOOOMMMMYYY!!!!” I jumped up. Because that’s me she’s calling. And she isn’t just upset, she’s wanting me. And who can resist answering that need?

I jumped out of bed and walked toward her room. Right as I turned the doorknob, she let out another piercing scream, so she didn’t hear me walk in. We live in a house that has creaky doorknobs and pockets of the floor that you learn to step around if you’re trying to be quiet. I know where they are. I didn’t make a sound.

It surprised me that she wasn’t standing up in her crib and bouncing, because she usually does that when she’s upset.

I know. Because I know her.

She was so worked up that she didn’t even notice that I had gotten right up next to her crib, and that I was actually leaning over the white wooden bars while she was flailing around. She was sweaty, I could tell from her little wet head. She was digging her fists into the mattress and rolling her legs around kicking the sides of the crib. And she was more upset than I have seen her in awhile.

I prayed for her. I rebuked any Satanic spirit that might be influencing her, I prayed for peace and for rest. I did it quickly, and I waited just a moment more.

She was still scared. Still unaware of me.

Quietly, quietly, I started humming, “Hush little baby, don’t you cry…” It was just enough to make my throat vibrate. Too quiet for her to take notice, but she must have sensed something in her half-awake state, and she calmed a little. I started to reach over the crib but I didn’t want to wake her if she was going to go back to sleep. She didn’t even need to know I was here, just felt enough in my presence to know she wasn’t alone. I kept watching her though, and I noticed that although she was still upset, she wasn’t looking at the door. She knew that one of us would come in and get her, but she cried to the corner, so distraught that she didn’t lift her head.

And in the middle of the night, while the wind howled around Nashville and the rest of my babies slept, I wondered how many times I have done this.

I call Him, because I know His name.

And He answers, because He has always knows mine.

I am lost in the wreckage, trying to get my bearings, and while I can’t even lift my head, He whispers throughout the madness…I am here, love. Rest.

I snuck in when you thought it was over. When you thought it was impossible. And while your back was turned and the world was upside-down, I came near to you. I have seen you wrestle with your pain, shout in anger, and kick the sides of this life until the bruises reminded you that you could even feel at all.

And somewhere, sometime…many in fact, I bowed beside you and sang. And when you thought you couldn’t get to me, I reminded you that I always, always come to you.

Hush little baby…

I stood in the moonlight and let Him fall on me. Have you ever done that? Because it’s pretty spectacular. I read my Bible, of course. And I love to listen to music, to be in community, and all of the other gifts of this world. But every now and then He speaks and I know that even when I leave the moonlight I’m never going to forget the mercy that spoke in the darkness.

She stirred again and I reached over and touched her back. Gently, gently.

Hush.

She felt me, jumped up, and scrambled for my arms as if I might leave without her.

I never would, you know.

And as she lowered her head into my neck, I settled into the rocking chair and she was out before I even sat.

There were no words exchanged. Just the truth that exists between a parent and a child in the middle of the night. And it says the same thing it always has.

You didn’t know I was there, but it doesn’t change the fact that I was.

I heard you call me and I came.

I sang over you, prayed over you, loved you from the shadows.

Hush, love. Hush. Another day is dawning soon and we will meet here again. Around the squeaky floors I have come to know so well. And when we do, you will remember why it is that you called me in the first place, so long ago.

And if you listen to the stillness, you will hear me. Anywhere, anytime.

Hush.

Can you hear Him?

{Zephaniah 3:17}


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  • Kristen Good

    Beautiful. Such a picture of his grace and love. It’s been a while since I felt His arms around me. Thanks for the reminder of how great it feels. He is holy. :)

  • Mary’s APE blog

    Holy smokes that is beauuuutiful!  To know that I am loved THAT much.  *shivers* …and perhaps a tear if I’m honest.  

  • http://3dlessons4life.wordpress.com/ Lyli

    I love that verse from Zephaniah.  It’s been a crazy afternoon.  Time to put some music on and remember My Abba is present and His peace is available.  Thank you for this reminder.  I so needed it right now. 

  • Kristin Smith

    So good to hear from you again….I have missed your posts and am so grateful when I get to learn from your life experiences! Have a wonderful day!!

  • Rosanna

    Beautiful words & actions Angie and YES I can hear and feel Him!!

  • Amanda Metz

    That was wonderful and so needed.  And so true.

  • Amanda Mock

    I have followed your for several years and read every blog post.  This spoke to my heart so much in a time of need.  Thank you for all you share.

  • Catie Breneman

    Thank you for this reminder of God’s love. It was powerful. 

  • Rameelin

    Oh Angie-
    How I must have needed this tonight.  As I read it and hot tears streamed down my face, I thought of my Mabel and the dance we do in the dark.  She and I.  Me and Him.  Always a dance in the dark of night.  And I needed to be reminded of that gentle whisper that He brings, even when I may not hear it…you were so right to know that I feel Him.  I sense His presence near.  Thanks for this.  

  • http://www.thealmons.com/ccblog C.C. @ I’m On My Way

    Beautiful post Angie! Zephaniah 3:17 is a very important verse to my husband, daughter, and I. Thanks for sharing this amazing image with us!

  • http://havefaith90.blogspot.com/ Anna R.

    beautiful. well-written. amen.

  • Dianne S

    Over the years, I’ve relished in how the Lord has used my relationship with my sweet son to minister to me in deeply personal ways … thank you for sharing this beautiful, holy, intimate moment and revelation that the Lord obviously gave to you. And thanks for reminding me of what He has done and how He lovvves to speak to us and care for us in ways that only HE knows and only He can. I needed to be reminded …  Blessings to you… 

  • sbowers

    That was beautiful and so timely in my current struggles.  thank you, once again, for your calming and encouraging words!! 

  • http://holycamp09.wordpress.com/ Deborah Boutwell

    Just about the most beautiful post I’ve read in a long time.  In tears!  Missing having babies to comfort in the night and missing having a mother to comfort me.  Thankful for a Father that still comes in and comforts me.

  • http://www.deployedheart.com/ Meg

    sniff, beautiful said! 

  • Kelli

    I love this beautiful post. Thank you.

  • Debbie

    Thank you, I needed that more then I knew. Our family has struggled so much over the last yr, job loss, several very loved ones lost to death. It’s nice to be reminded he is near

  • http://www.wearethegoodmans.blogspot.com/ Rebecca

    this is beautiful. it might be my favorite of any other blog i’ve read by you. thanks for sharing. 

  • Erica_tommie

    Just beautiful thanks sister

  • JULIE PRICE

    Angie . . . this post was absolutely precious! Thank you

  • Christy

    You, ma’am, have a gift. So lovely.

  • Anonymous

    I have tears streaming down my face right now. One, because my twin girls would be 8 months old now. I would still be getting up in the middle of the night with them. My arms are empty. I sleep through the night because my twins are not here and my almost three old, sleeps through the night as well. And reason two for the tears, how many times in the last 8 months have I cried out and He came to me because I am His child? How many times has He gently rubbed my back and settled me down while I quick in scream because I hate that my babies have a grave site? That I never got to take them home? Your post humbled me. Humble because He loves me so much more than I love my three girls. Humble because I know I am not deserving of that kind of love. And our post also soothed me. Such a beautiful reminder that I am not alone while I walk this awful yet all too beautiful road…

    • http://thepartythatneverquits.blogspot.com Jen

      {{hug}}, precious mama.

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  • http://avintagefarmwife.blogspot.com/ Susan

    Thank you for this. I pray blessings upon your day!

  • Dianne

    That might have been the most beautiful thing you have ever written. What true words and a beautiful image now printed in my head. I love it and thank you for writing it.

  • http://thepartythatneverquits.blogspot.com Jen

    Night terrors are scary, aren’t they? Sometimes life feels like one, and you are so right… He’s there, even when we are unaware. Love, love, love that verse xx

    • Alissa

      Jen,
      Great analogy!  My son struggles with night terrors and they are awful.  It is so hard to watch him struggle.  Life can definitely feel like one too. 

  • Mary

    Beautiful post. Thank you. My heart need to be reminded that He is there, all the time!

  • bestillandknow2

    Please, please, please write a devotional. :)

  • bestillandknow2

    Haha! I guess I should have clarified…….Devotional BOOK!

  • Lcdecarlo

    Oh my.  I know people tell you this all the time, but God has really used this post to minister to me this morning.  You see, my mom (who was my best friend) had a terrible year-long struggle with cancer and actually began her Eternal Life just last month on February 15th.  So many, many times I felt not the nearness, but what I thought was the actual absence of God over the past year.  He was here with me all the time…..and He just reminded me of that through you.  Many blessings to you and thank you for your obedience to keep writing!

  • Coby

    Thank you for this.  Last year was an incredibly difficult year, the Lord did so much in me, and I’m thankful for that, but…2011 sucked.  Lately the Lord has been gently showing me all the ways He was there, what He was forming in me, what He was teaching me and preparing me for.  He used this post to remind me again that He was, indeed, there.

  • P_d_ogren

    Beautiful —- profound. Thank you. Thank you

  • http://www.4andcounting.blogspot.com nicole_asmanyasgiven

    Thank you for writing this. It shook me to my core, in the best way. 

  • http://www.lovewellblog.com/ Kelly @ Love Well

    It’s true, isn’t it? Sometimes we have to look back to see it. But he was there. He was always there. 

    And he still is. There is sweet peace in knowing we are never alone, always loved.

  • Melissa Smallwood

      beautiful, as always!

  • http://twitter.com/BrookeWrites Brooke McGlothlin

    That’s absolutely breathtaking. I remember those sacred moments so well between mommy and baby at night. Someone once told me that all of the late nights I spent rocking my babes, Jesus was rocking me too. That image of His presence with me and His heart of love for me, just like my love for my sons, has never left me.

  • Vwdefelice

    Beautiful!

  • Sharon O

    wow that is beautiful and so full of emotions and nurturing. I will try to remember it when the night is quiet and my heart is racing. Hush…

  • http://candelierious.blogspot.com Lis

    Just beautiful.

  • Leah

    Wow. Simply beautiful and soul stirring. Thank you.

  • Scott

    That is such great insight and so true!!!

  • AllisonB

    oh my…as the mama of a four month old, I appreciate this so much. You are so inspiring and amazing. Thank you for writing.

  • Sara

    Thank you.

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  • JD

    You know how each child, each person, each individual learns in a certain, particular way?  I learn about God best through making the link between every day life experiences and the way God parents us.  

    You know how each child, each person, each individual has been blessed with gifts from the Creator Himself?  Writing/sharing stories like these, precious parallels  between life and our relationship with God… so powerful, so exquisite, so well written…  you have this gift from Him like no other author I know.

    Thank you for sharing your gift with us.  

  • http://www.houseofhudspeth.blogspot.com/ Nlbh77

    I needed this today! LOVE my babies & love this post. Thank you.

  • 4givn1

    Oh, I know that feeling.  I know how many times God teaches me through my own children.  That was amazing…thank you for sharing. 

  • http://johntandjessica.blogspot.com/ Jessica Armes

    Awesome post!

  • erinmarie

    Thank you for sharing this.  

  • Tracie

    Well, that was just simply beautiful!

  • http://www.differentparent.com/ Wick Anderson

    May we continue to receive His song as He delights in us…thanks for sharing. :)

  • Brown eyed girl

    I really needed this post today and for the last few weeks.  So beautifully written.

  • Cathie Quillet

    You words always seem to touch my soul.

  • Jeanette

    Thank you for helping me hear my Father’s voice this morning. 

  • granjan

    What a blessed sweet post and how your writing (and His Spirit) stirred me to tears.  And in God’s goodness He lets that gift be repeated when your grandchildren come to spend the night and you can rock them and thank Him for His faithfulness and goodness. You are a gifted communicator Angie. Bless you sweet woman.

  • Skande1262

    Thank you for this post.  It helped me make it through today.  Last Friday, after 28 years with the same company, my 48 year old husband was told that his position was being eliminated at he no longer had a job.  I have  been telling him since that the Lord hasn’t left us and that there is a plan, we just don’t know what it is yet.  But my words have felt hollow – as I wasn’t sure He was still there.  We have had an incredibly rough year and I want to scream “ENOUGH!” to God.  But your post reminded me what I already knew……  Thank you. 

  • Rena Gunther

    Oh that I’ll hush, that I’ll be still and just know…

  • Bernice Shupe

    Lovely, simply absolutely beautiful, Angie!  What an amazing child of God you are!  Be blessed today by Our Heavenly Father.  May He give you His peace and strength.  Bring His joy to someone today!   :)

  • http://www.elisvalley-perfectlove.blogspot.com/ Jennifer Hill

    So sweet and tender…just beautiful! So thankful that my abba father hums and soothes when I am distraught and inconsolable. Even when that is not enough he cradles me in his arms wrapped tightly to give rest and assurance.

  • Kmomdavid

    Very profound! Thanks for the vivid picture of our Father’s tenderness. . .

  • Nadine

    so sweet to hear His voice comforting me in those times of grief, sadness, fear, etc

  • Alyson

    What a magnificent comparison. Beautiful! Thank you.

  • Bridgee_

    Beautiful Angie xo

  • Eric Jennifer Noelle

    Wow, I can so relate, and I could have written that post. Amazing. Thank younger sharing this precious reminder, and wonderful encouragement.

  • Catherine

    I want you to know what this post meant to me.  I’m a grandma and, on Sunday, was going into the hospital for a heart procedure.  I was so scared, and trying not to show it – or feel it, for that matter – and then read this.  And it was for me – for my pointless fears from my Jesus, who knew my name before the foundations of the earth.  It was what I needed to read, from His heart to mine.  The LORD gave me an image to hold while waiting for the surgery to begin, and that was so, so precious.  Thank you so much, Angie.  My heart story has a very happy ending, by the way, but every ending is a happy one for me, because I know the one who holds my heart every minute. 

  • For Girls Like You Magazine

    Wow. This was great. I often need reminders of the many times I have called Him and He has come…thank you!

  • Jdelly1222

    Thank you Angie!  I am thanking you for this post, but I should really thank you for every post, your book, Todd’s music…(okay I will stop but I think you get the point).  I am truly learning to appreciate those moments in the middle of the night when my almost 2 year old wakes me up like that so I can be still with my God.  My second baby, a boy we are naming Barrett, has a diagnosis similar to Audrey’s and so I am learning to cling to my relationship withe God in a whole new way.  I am so grateful you are still out there almost four years later posting such a love for the Lord!!

  • thebettermom

    Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.

  • Jenniferwier

    So beautiful. Thanks for the words to help me appreciate the difficult nights with my baby and the reminder to pray for him and be a reflection of God to him.

  • Michellegraves6

    Wow, words cannot say how very much I enjoyed this. God has been moving and changing me so much that at times I have had instances like this. Although…I have never been able to write or explain my experiences so eloquently. Thank you, Angie. Thank you.