Rushing & Pausing {Subtext Series}

Well I hope your evaluation period has been as eventful as mine was. Or maybe I don’t. I don’t know what the win is on that one:)

I’m not necessarily going to post these in any particular order, but I’m going to start with something that I saw a lot in the comments because it was one of my first realizations as well.

So, category one: Life is not a crisis.

And when I say that’s the category, what I mean is that it’s supposed to be what I’m teaching, but upon further investigation I realized there was a serious disconnect between that idea and what I was conveying.

Let me break down some of my popular phrases.

Hurry up!

Right now!

Come on!

Let’s go!

Now. NOW!!!!!

Like, all the time. All. The. Time.

And my tone is typically closer to, “We are being chased by an escaped convict” than “We are running 5 minutes late to a play date at Chic-fil-a.”

Researchers refer to this as “chronic overreaction mode,” and identify unhealthy patterns we are beginning to see in children who are growing up in a constant “fight or flight” mode. Everything is treated as an emergency.

Not too long ago I walked into my bathroom and saw Charlotte playing with my high heels, holding a purse. She was fumbling with getting the second shoe on and kept saying things like, “Okay, go. Alright. Let’s hurry. Almost done…” while acting like her entire person was on fire.

Apparently panic is the new tea party.

And here’s the part I found the most ironic. A good percentage of the time (at least half, I  would guess), there was actually no time constraint that would lead to comments like this. It’s like I have an internal clock that tells me I need to speed things up even when there’s no external reality demanding it.

The bottom line is that oftentimes I create an atmosphere of stress and perceived need when there is none. I’m really feeling like there’s not a positive outcome by insisting that every moment in life serves to make you feel like you’re late for the next one.

It has gotten to the point where I genuinely have trouble just enjoying the calm because I feel like there must be something pressing that I’m missing somewhere.

And they feel it, no question. They feel shuffled and controlled and, well, like they need to get on board mommy’s crazy train or else they might just get left behind.

All aboard, kids. Don’t mind me driving with the trunk open-we HAVE TO GET TO PUBLIX BEFORE THEY SELL OUT OF APPLES AND CEREAL AS THEY OFTEN DO.

I was curious how many times Jesus told people to hurry; want to take a guess?

Technically, there was one time. He was talking to Zacchaeus and told him to hurry and come down from the tree so He could go have dinner with him, but the original Greek word implies something more than just “speed it up.” Namely, that Jesus wanted him to listen right away and be convicted…not so much that He was worried the grits were burning. It was an urging to move, make haste in pursuing goodness. Not exactly what I mean when I say it.

I don’t want my children to grow up feeling like they were always hurried. Yes, there will be times when we need to, umm, make haste, but that doesn’t need to be the standard protocol.

On the other hand, I’m pretty good about doing the opposite when they are on the asking end. Here are my other frequent “time-related” comments. See if any of them sound familiar.

Not right now, honey.

Maybe in a minute.

Just a sec.

Hang on.

Give me a minute.

Later.

Again, why? Because I really can’t do it right that second? No. Not usually. More likely it’s because it’s my knee-jerk response. I’m not kidding when I say I caught myself using those words in completely illogical situations, simply because they so frequently fall out of my mouth. Telling my children to wait is like breath to me. And it’s a proud moment, let me tell you.

Now, of course there are times when these are appropriate, but “Could you pass the broccoli” is not one of them. Oh, you want to color with me? Maybe later. (2 minutes pass) “Hurry and come here girls! I need to run out real quick…

It’s a tug of war, and nobody wins. And the fact of the matter is, the heart response is the same for them: “I am the priority, and my schedule is boss. Work around me.”

Ouch.

I’m painting a rough picture here, and I don’t want it to feel like we’re signing up our kids for therapy just because we’ve done this, but I do think we need to assess it.

What’s the reason I do that? I guess because at the ugliest level, I want to be in charge of the hours. I get frustrated when it’s not done the way I want it to be. And have I conveyed to them that they are to squeeze themselves into the gaps according to my preferences?

I hope I haven’t, but I could feel the Lord showing me my own sin in this area right away. Don’t misunderstand me-I am in charge of them, and they are to respect me. The issue is that I have put too much emphasis on a non-issue, and have often missed the big picture of teaching them to love and serve one another.

Jesus doesn’t tell them they need to work their way into His demanding schedule. He doesn’t tell them they’re in the way of His more important stuff. He doesn’t keep typing when they wander in, telling them He’ll be out in a minute.

He doesn’t hold up a “shushing finger” while talking on the phone, explaining that He’ll be right there.

I know. We can’t be Jesus.

But the goal is to be as much like Him as we can be.

Parenting has the potential to teach us to die to self more than almost any other relationship, and assessing our failures has beautiful fruit-for us and our children.

So, the challenge for this week is to watch the rushing and the pausing. If they’re legitimate and necessary, sure. But you might be surprised at how often they aren’t.

Or at least it would be nice if you could tell me that was the case.

Assuming that you recognize any of these tendencies in yourself, I’ll tell you what I’ve done to try and combat it.

I sent them to boarding school.

Sorry. Kidding. It’s been a long day.

No, actually what I’ve found is that every time I use an uneccessary “NOW!” phrase, I apologize. I tell them I shouldn’t have acted like it was so dramatic. And we laugh about it.

So much of good parenting is about making life a safe place for grace.

I’ll tell you this too: when I do tell them it’s time to go, they are a whole lot more likely to come running than they were a few months ago. It’s not a perfect science, but I’ve seen a difference. And in retrospect, “running” wasn’t the right word. I meant “meandering in a semi-dressed and quasi-obedient manner.”

On the other end of the continuum, and because it was really something I felt the Lord impressed upon me, I have drastically reduced my usage of the “hang on” type comments. If I’m asked a question, I try my best to respond in a gracious, honest way. If it’s something I can’t physically do, I explain that. But I’ll just go ahead and tell you it’s pretty rare that I’m duct-taped to my chair, incapable of coming to look at the newest member of Kate’s earthworm collection.

I don’t really need a minute.

They, on the other hand? Do.

I’m praying for all of you mommies out there as you evaluate yourself in light of this stuff-and as always, I sure would love to hear any thoughts you want to share.

 

Remember, friends-life is not a crisis :)

 

 

 

 

 


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  • Cathie

    Great reminder before diving into another week

  • Katherine Heath

    Oh Angie Smith you make me cringe (in a good, convicting way) every time I read these posts. I cringe because I feel as if you are speaking right to me and saying EXACTLY what I need to hear. Thank you for writing these honest posts. They make us (or maybe just me) stop and really think about how I am mothering vs. How I want to mother.

  • http://twitter.com/ChooseJ0Y Tracie

    Wow. This hit home HARD. In a good way and yet it stings big. Thank you for your honesty. I have some messes to clean up with my kiddo and some conscious effort to put in to making this different for us. It’s amazing how Papa can use another’s words to correct and encourage us all in one sweep. Thanks!

  • Stephanie

    Reading this felt like something I could have written myself. That’s how hard it hit me. EVERY. WORD. It hurts me to realize that my children have had to hang on a sec for my own selfishness. I know there are times when its necessary but there are so many when its not.

    My husband just recently went a week with watching no TV and in doing that, he realized how many times he told our children to hang on, in a minute or please be quiet because of some meaningless TV show. We are now trying to be very conscious when we watch TV or log on to social media sites. They somehow staked an imaginary importance over our lives and they don’t need to so we are trying to put them in their rightful place.

    Thank you so much for this series!

  • Katie

    Angie Smith-how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I love thee for thy honesty. For thy transparency. And thy witty sense of humor.

    Seriously, THIS, so much this. And I don’t even have kids. But I do have a dog and a husband, who at any time might actually resemble children, and I realize, especially on the husband front, that I may actually do a lot of the putting off, wait just a second, in a few minutes, what is important to you is not important to me because The Price is Right is On type behavior. Even tonight, as I asked the hubs about his day, he was forced to tell me about it during the commercial breaks of Celebrity Apprentice because nothing builds up a man or a marriage like hearing Donald Trump humble brag on himself.

    So thank you for this. I will apply it in my marriage and with the kids I didn’t birth myself but have been blessed to have in my life because of gracious friends who love me and recognize that I have mad play-dough skills.

  • Jenn Becker

    I have felt the Holy Spirit’s nudging over this for weeks now. “Why am I making this such a big deal?” has literally chased itself around in my head over and over. YET I find it so hard to stop the habit!

  • Jessie G

    Apparently, you’ve been spying on me. Yesterday was not a great day at our house and as it turns out, I can’t blame the weather. Thanks for the words of wisdom. Today is a new day and I’m going to be watching my words carefully!

  • katwith1life

    Reflecting on our actions, thoughts and words is so important. I’ve been made to sit and reflect on my life, my choices, my circumstances and my dreams recently and it’s all because of God’s amazing, unending grace. As a mummy (I’m from England so can’t write Mommy, though it sounds soooo cute!) I felt a real clattering of the head as I read your post but then felt a great relief that I’m not alone in making the rules up with parenting. I love my children, what a blessing they are, and I ache when I do something wrong like hurry them when I really didn’t need to or shout when I could have just spoken the words. I thank God for His forgiveness, because I know that when I cuddle my children and apologise when I’ve been grumpy, they forgive me too. Grace and mercies are new everyday and for that, I am truly grateful. God bless you, Angie, for your encouragement and sharing the ‘realness’ of life. Just thinking of how Jesus rebuked His disciples when they tried to dissuade the children from coming to Him – as I try daily to be more like Him, I pray I show my children how much more they mean to me than the small stuff I get caught up in in my life.

  • Stephanie G

    Having just rushed my children out the door to school and being left behind with a lingering sense of “that didn’t go well” with one of my children … this was conviction and counsel all in one. My favorite part: “So much of good parenting is about making life a safe place for grace.” Praying I will remember that throughout the rest of this day with my precious kiddos

  • http://itwasbroughtonbylove.blogspot.com/ Southern Gal

    You’ve read my notes or peeked in my window because those are mine! How many times did I give my son an assignment, ask him did he understand, and immediately tell him to “Hurry up and do your work.” I don’t remember my teachers telling me to hurry up every single time I got a new assignment.
    I’m constantly in a hurry. My son is like his daddy, slow and steady. I have no excuse other than habit. Thank you for posting this. I see I’m not alone. But I’m much older than most of you and should have learned my lesson by now. I’ll say a prayer for you every time I say, or am tempted to say, hurry or wait. We can break this habit!

  • http://katemcraig.blogspot.com/ Kate Craig

    oh man, this is good. Or awful – I think you know what I mean. I love that you took it to WWJD. My husband shakes an imaginary “chill pill” bottle for me very often.

  • Mary @ A Productive Endeavor

    I can’t pin this to “great blog posts worth reading” bcs there are no pics! But I agree! I struggle with this and tell myself that unless I’m catching a plane, nothing is so freaking over and rushing for. Love your line about the play date at chik-fil-a. Haha!

  • Amy

    My mom says, Jesus is never in a hurry.

  • Julie

    This touched my mommy heart on a deep level today. Thank you for your honesty…this was just what I needed to hear to change my ways as well. Hugs and prayers for you!

  • KristinHillTaylor

    Um, wow. Pretty sure you live in my house and just wrote about it. Thank you for this though. It’s good to know I’m not alone and it’s even better to be reminded that God doesn’t want to leave us here, rushing around.

  • http://www.theparsonagefamily.com/ Jessica Miller Kelley

    Great post. “Panic is the new tea party.” That was awesome. My four-year-old tends to burst into tears and wail at the tiniest thing, and I’ve been trying to show her there are ways to respond between “nothing” and “total breakdown.” Am I setting this example? Or maybe her baby sister? Either way, we all need to work on our vocabulary of “hey there, something’s bothering me. Can you help?”

  • jules19osu

    This is sooooooooooo me. UGH

  • http://ashleywb.blogspot.com AshleyB

    This ——> “So much of good parenting is about making life a safe place for grace.” yes. I am struggling mightily with this same issue and was confronted head on with it yesterday morning.

    As is the case too many Sunday mornings, I was rushing my kids to get ready and get out the door for church. I caught myself getting exasperated with them and raising my voice, hurrying them and getting worked up about being “on time.” As we finally got n the car and pulled out of the driveway, I felt a whisper remind me that this is not the way to show them the love of Christ. Telling them to “Hurry!” and “get in the car NOW” doesn’t reflect the Lord we are going to worship. So, I took a deep breath, slowed down and took them to eat doughnuts and drink chocolate milk. We headed on to Sunday school and went to the later church service after laughing and getting sugar all over their dresses in a booth at the doughnut store. That’s how I want them to remember Sunday mornings – surrounded with love and joy – and it was a lesson I sorely needed to learn. I’m praying that the whispers keep coming.

  • taylorandrobin Ince

    I relate to this post oh too well. Thanks for bringing it to our attention!

  • Laura Smith

    Angie,
    I just loved this and was very convicted. Thanks for sharing your heart – I am grateful for your ministry!

  • Heather

    Thank you so much! I (and my children one day) thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

  • Shawna

    Thank you so much for being so honest and open about just life in general. What you describe here is what I’ve realized recently in my own life too. Although I hadn’t really thought through the fact that I’m behaving as if “life is a crisis” (I love that, btw). I realized months ago, right as I was starting to get annoyed at my six-year-old’s constant “yes, in a second” response to my directions, that this was what I was modeling even if it’s not what I was desiring from them (or myself). Legitimately, he is sometimes saying this when he really does need another “second” to finish whatever it is he’s doing, but often he is just saying it for the same reason I do (and what you described above) — it’s become a habit. I am working on changing “just a second” to “yes” and hoping to change that behavior in myself first and foremost. After reading this, I’m inspired to talk to him about doing the same and working on ridding or at least minimizing the “just a seconds” together. Thank you again for sharing your heart and life.

  • Rebecca

    I was at an ice skating rink the other day, and there were three large plastic rubbermaid bins stacked up in the lobby RIGHT by the main door. A little boy–maybe four years old–accidentally knocked them over. By the manner in which his mom reacted you would have thought the world had ended. I said to myself, “Lady, why don’t you just get a grip and realize that your son is not Mr. Perfect and will occasionally run into things like any toddler!”

    But then I couldn’t help thinking today, don’t I do the same thing? I don’t have children of my own, but I’ve been involved in a lot of childcare and I know there have been times that I have demanded perfection as if a tiny mistake would end the world. I think I even do this with other adults! Thanks for the reminder that not everything in life is a crisis, and when we react to everything like the world is ending, we are being graceless.

  • http://www.facebook.com/beth.schult.1 Beth Schult

    Wow… It’s like you’re talking directly to me :) Thank you for the reminder to slow things down and get more organised so I don’t put unnecessary pressure on my girls…

  • Amanda Holman

    Hmmmmm…. I like that as a new mantra: “Life is not a crisis.” I am definitely one to fall into the habit of saying those exact same things to my boys and getting caught up in that exact same cycle. I think I need to ask for help in noticing it and being held accountable because I’m sure it happens so often that I don’t even realize it!!! Thanks for posting this and making me see that this is definitely an area that I need to focus on.

  • Amanda Holman

    Hmmmmm…. I like that as a new mantra: “Life is not a crisis.” I am definitely one to fall into the habit of saying those exact same things to my boys and getting caught up in that exact same cycle. I think I need to ask for help in noticing it and being held accountable because I’m sure it happens so often that I don’t even realize it!!! Thanks for posting this and making me see that this is definitely an area that I need to focus on.

  • http://sojensparks.blogspot.com/ Jen

    Disqus just ate my comment. After the morning I just had, I may cry.

    I hate mornings here. They are so stressful. Without fail, someone won’t be able to find their shoes, or their hairbrush, someone will “forget” to eat, or think their school bag is an optional extra. I yell. I say horrible, ugly things. And then I hate myself, but am too proud to back down and apologise. I get so frustrated that every morning I have to give step by step instructions on what to do, even though we have been doing the same routine for 8 years now. I don’t think I ask too much or that my expectations are too high (get dressed, eat, sometimes make your lunch) so I flip completely out when they aren’t met. Which of course, is a huge failing of mine. Patience = zero. I know they can do it. I’ve seen them do it. Usually on the first day of school, or when something fun is going to happen, like a camp, or a uniform free day. Which just adds to the “this is freaking ridiculous” feeling.

    *sigh* So often I want to give up this mothering gig entirely, I suck so badly at it.

    • MommaMango

      Your mornings sound like mine, and I currently only have 2 going to school. I can’t imagine when they are all needing to be up and ready every morning. I keep telling myself that this or that would help (more sleep, better preparation the night before, extra coffee…) but none on those seem to help. It’s a flaw of mine that only God can help me with. He knows I’ve been trying & failing on my own for too long. Praying for you as well. :)

    • Karen

      Jen, your mornings sound all too familiar. Our family has done traditional school and homeschool. When they were in school, our mornings usually ended with me losing it and wanting to drive a loooong time after I dropped them off, feeling like a complete failure. One thing that did help us was to do as much the night before as we could. Load backpacks, lay clothes out, etc. In the morning, they knew they had two things to do in three different rooms. When they woke, they needed to 1. Make bed 2. Put on the clothes they laid out. Then go to room 2 ( bathroom) and 1. Brush teeth 2. Fix hair. Room 3 was the kitchen to 1. Eat breakfast and 2. Grab backpack. Of course, it wasn’t perfect, but it drastically improved our mornings. They just had to remember two things for each room. It helped them focus instead of walking around aimlessly needing me to tell them each thing to do. Another thing, mine always wanted to wake and eat breakfast first. I changed eating to the last thing, because they can eat a bar in the car if they run out of time, but they can’t go to school undressed.

      I can guarantee you I should give up before you, and I haven’t, so you have to stick with it. The fact you realize you need to improve shows you care immensely. Practical steps are where I start. My kids are the most gracious human beings on the planet.

  • mel

    Thank you for this! This is so true in my mothering too…I claim my time and make them feel like it’s a huge sacrifice to give them a minute…Praying God will make me more aware of this and give me grace to be tender towards them

  • http://twitter.com/jlowe228 Jenny Lowe

    bravo bravo

  • MG

    Oh how true this is for me! I think, in my mind, I have disguised it as, “I HATE to make other people wait on us.” or “It’s so rude of us to be late for this.” The truth is, most of the things really don’t matter that much. I don’t want to send the message to my kids that it’s okay to be late all the time but I think I am ALWAYS acting like I’m running late and that’s not good either. And yes, I have found myself telling them to wait like it’s second nature to me. Thank you for this reminder. I am going to try to pay better attention to this. Thanks!

  • BFGOmelissa

    Angie, this might be my favorite post (of any blog) that I have read in the past year, both for the humor and the content. My big flaw with time as it concerns my kids is that “I” wait too long to start getting everyone ready. By the time we finally start getting ready, we are already almost out of time so life becomes a crisis. Oy. There is clearly such a simple solution to this. We will just start wearing our jammies in public. ;-) Thank you for sharing your innards.

  • http://twitter.com/ritaarens Rita Arens

    I am so taking this mantra to heart. I am a victim of the rush-rush, and one of the things we say a lot on the weekends is “we are absolutely not rushing today.” Both my daughter and I get extremely stressed out when we rush too much, yet we do it incessantly during the work/school week. This morning, I was tempted to get my laptop out while we waited for the bus and it actually did occur to me that I could take the five minutes and just talk to my daughter and look at robins. We did, and I started my workday much less frustrated. Why don’t I do that every day? Thanks for the reminder.

  • Stephanie

    I love this post – I can totally relate. I appreciate your honesty and what you wrote is so convicting to me. Thank you.

  • http://twitter.com/Nikt3 Nikki Tibbetts

    Beautiful. I love the idea that you shared how we (as moms) usually don’t need a minute, but they (our children) do! I needed to hear that. I needed to see that right in front of my face. Thank you!

  • MommaMango

    This is something I struggle with every day. Maybe every moment. I rush and hush my kids and constantly hear myself saying “hold on” when they make a request. Even though I may not truly need a moment, I FEEL like I do. As an introvert with 4 kids, all of them making demands of me day in and out, I feel that because I never really feel recharged I use the “just a minute” phrase a lot. It never helps, though. A minute won’t really change how I need to get up and do something for the kids when I have just sat down to read something. Perhaps it’s because in the back of my mind I suspect that I won’t get back to my reading because there is always another need to fill?

  • Jenny M

    You hit the nail on the head! Thank you for saying what I have been feeling. I know you don’t write often and I don’t get to check the site often but when I do I am always rewarded. Having someone else validate they feel the same way (many times a way in which I am too scared to admit) is very comforting! Thank you

  • http://hikingtowardhome.com/ Sharon@HikingTowardHome

    I have been working on this one too. Although it is not such a pretty picture to see ourselves this way, it is slightly refreshing to know I am not the only one having this issue when I speak to my children.
    I want so much to be the mom that stops and pays close attention to what my kids say and to be the mom who goes to see that earthworm collection but I find myself doing the opposite more often then I would like. Thankfully my husband saw himself doing the “NOW!” and the “hold on a minute” and we are now working on kicking those habits together. :-)
    (Also, I have been going through Beth Moore’s James study with a friend and it brought a smile to my face to see you sitting in the audience in one of the videos. :-) )

  • Amy Edwards

    This had me laughing so hard I was in tears. Laughing because of your writing. In tears because I’m painfully aware of how true this is in my life. A few times lately (since your challenge to listen to myself), I’ve heard myself not-so-patiently “prompting” my 2-year old to get dressed, find her shoes, and wait for me at the front door while I throw clothes on her little brother and make sure I’m at least modest before heading out in public. Your “crazy train” comment was so appropriate as I literally spoke out loud to myself the other day as I was flying to get us in the car to meet friends at the zoo (critical, of course, that we not be late for THAT!) – “What is wrong with me?! I am completely crazy!” :) Too funny. One other thing that I’ve caught myself saying about 2,000 times/day is “Be careful.” Two simple words, and I’m not sure why yet, but there’s something wrong with my saying those so often. Still waiting for God to reveal the truth of my heart as it relates to those 2 words. I’m guessing it has something to do with not being in control . . . time will tell. Regardless, I’m looking forward to reading more posts in this series (sort of, you know, since I’m sure that will also mean more conviction ;)

  • Melinda VanZoeren

    Powerful post–I can completely relate to what you are saying and am convicted that I need to change my reactions, especially with my children. Thanks for sharing!

  • karyn

    Yeah, life is not a crisis.
    Smile.

  • WaitingInTheWeeds

    This is me all over. I have 5 year old twin boys I homeschool. I also have fibromyalgia & various other issues. My body feels like a crisis 95% of the time. A lot of my “wait a minutes” are “let me sit 5 more minutes so maybe the pain meds will kick in and not come back up.” A lot of my “hurry ups” are “I’ve reached my physical/ medication limit for the day; I have to stop soon.” It causes me so much guilt daily it fogs up my mind. I feel trapped. The pain makes it necessary to tell them to wait or hurry up even though I really would rather not. I end up feeling deeply guilty because I know it’s upsetting to them. This disease has made me made me a horrible mother and an even worse wife no matter how hard I fight. I’m praying to find new ways around the hurry up and wait stuff.

    • raeann

      i’m sure you’ve tried everything, but for what it’s worth… you might try cutting gluten out of your diet for a month & see if your fibromyalgia gets better.

      god bless you in your time of pain.

  • Emily

    Loved this!!! Thank you for conviction, encouragement and a good laugh. I’m writing “life is not a crisis” on a note card (in true Beth Moore fashion) and taping it all over my house. Thanks!! :)

  • Coby

    You read my mail! This is something the Lord has been impressing on me over the last few days. Like you said (paraphrase), I’m always so caught up in “urgent mode” that I have a difficult time enjoying the calm. I recognize driven, performance-oriented tendencies in myself, and I SO do not want to pass those on to my boys. I know that I need to practice more grace with myself, rest in HIS grace, and show my boys to do the same. Thank you for so much to ponder.

  • Carrie Smith

    Just.Stop. It. It’s evident that my children emailed you with a desperate plea to get through to me. Or you are live streaming my house every morning. And afternoon. And evening. And.in the middle of the night when my 10 year old son is crying that his feet hurt and could I come rub them? At 3:27 am. This is exactly what I did not want to hear, which means its exactly what I needed to hear. Jesus told the little children to come to Him, not go watch another episode of Spongebob on the DVR so he could finish up “real quick” what He was doing. Ouch.

  • Carrie Smith

    Just.Stop. It. It’s evident that my children emailed you with a desperate plea to get through to me. Or you are live streaming my house every morning. And afternoon. And evening. And.in the middle of the night when my 10 year old son is crying that his feet hurt and could I come rub them? At 3:27 am. This is exactly what I did not want to hear, which means its exactly what I needed to hear. Jesus told the little children to come to Him, not go watch another episode of Spongebob on the DVR so he could finish up “real quick” what He was doing. Ouch.

  • http://www.daveandnatasha.blogspot.com/ Natashajk

    “I don’t really need a minute.
    They, on the other hand? Do.”

    This is getting painted all over my house as a reminder to me. It’s like you looked into my life and then wrote about it. Ouch. But comforting to know that it’s not just me and it’s something to keep working on. Thank you.

  • Jess UK

    So I read this yesterday and thought I’m not a mum so its not relevant to me. Until today when at nap time(I’m a nanny) I was quietly talking over the things we’d done in the morning with a 2 year old before putting her to sleep. ‘…and we did playdoh, and played babies and…’ She pulls her dummy out and in an attempt at a whisper says ‘and you played on your phone’. Ouch. Yes I had my phone out and was googling addresses to send some letters to whilst watching her play playdoh, but I thought I was doing a good job of multi-tasking. Wrong.
    Thank you for the reminder that TIME and love go hand in hand. No more multitasking for me!

  • Jenny St. G.

    Wow! Thanks for helping me slow down and remember what is really important in life.

  • Laurie

    Thank you. Needed this. Today and every day!

  • Kelly

    Well, shoot. I have been looking at this issue out of the corner of my eye. Your post forced me to look square at the issue. I feel sad over how many times I say all of these same things to my kids. Will be looking harder this week…

  • heatherlilyquist

    Angie, this post is so encouraging. How many times do I find myself needlessly rushing the kiddos out the door?!?!? And, I am SO good at “in just a minute” and minuteS later finally tending to the kiddo needing my attention. So much truth here! I keep reflecting on the insight in “life is not a crisis” … amen, sister!

  • Cindy Tullis

    I so needed this reminder! Wow, it sounds like you have been hiding in my cupboards and know thats how I operate too… (sigh.) Really am going to have to watch my tongue before I dismiss/demand time from/of my kids! Thanks Angie! I love the way God uses your words/blog to zap a message to me I truely need to hear! God Bless!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rena-Robinson-Gunther-s/634772889 Rena Robinson Gunther ܤ

    You totally just summed up my life. Seriously going to take this in and pray for grace, for change.

  • Ashley Bauer

    I am a teacher and just want to underline what a beautiful message this is…

    Last year at the end of the year, I received a sweet note from a little girl who usually spoke very little in class. I’d always felt we had a good rapport, but she would never initiate a conversation unless it was to ask me a question. I always did my best to answer those questions and was so touched to see that her note said, “Mrs. Bauer, thank you for always helping me when I needed it. I remember when you were building the story boards and I asked you if you could help me start my paper and you put down the rubber cement to come help me. Later I saw that the rubber cement was dried out. Thank you for helping me even though you had to ruin something of yours. I love you.”

    WHAT a powerful reminder of what making a child feel like a priority can do! Thanks for this :)

  • http://www.facebook.com/julia.meeks.96 Julia Meeks

    Thank you for sharing this with us and being so transparent. It just makes me feel better to know that I am not the only mom out here trying to control every hour when in fact, none of it is in my control and I am thankful for that!!! I am constantly nagging….NOW, COME ON, HURRY UP and even when doing so I feel bad about it but feel if I don’t get everything accomplished, who will. Thank you for giving me something to think about and something to work on…..life is not a crisis! I wrote your challenge on a sticky note and placed it on the dash of my car (hopefully no tickets because it is hiding my speedometer :) ) as a daily reminder to self. I saw you for the first time a few weeks ago at Long Hollow Baptist Church in Hendersonville, TN and felt an immediate connection with you. I am so crazy busy (as most moms are) with life and kids that I do not allow myself to get caught up in the world of blogs but I have two exceptions…..Beth Moore and Angie Smith! I look forward to the rest of your subtext series.

  • Julie

    Ouch. That hurt like a paper cut. These are things that never even occurred to me, but they should have. Thank you.

  • Marielis Martinez

    I am planning on getting more serious in my career objectives and in settling down, it was a good idea to read about moms, Christian moms in particular. This life of being a career woman and a wife and mother that you all are living is a lot more complicated then I imagined. I guess the reason I haven’t had kids is because I didn’t actually take the time to visualize this as more than a person that runs around feeding and driving little people around to all their appointments. Apparently you have to play with them and give them so much more of you and your time. I really enjoyed this article. It was very real! You probably saved me from a lot of bad parenting! I look forward to reading more as I continue down my path to becoming a career woman, wife and mom. I’m sure as a 29 year old single woman who is also a recent born again Christian (a little over a year and a half.. wooowhoo!), I will need it! Thank you!

  • sunnywoodlane

    I have not been online reading your blog for some time now. This post was for me. I’ve read it twice and am so convicted. Thank you for your honestly and encouragement.

  • http://twitter.com/InspiredRD Alysa Bajenaru, RD

    Can I just respond with “ditto”? I was getting so bad at saying “Just a minute” that my daughter who is almost four started asking me to do things “Now. Mommy, right now. Now. Mommy, now. Now. Now.” Not because she’s three and impatient, but because I MADE HER THAT WAY when I put her off so many times before. I’ve recognized it, worked on it, and we’re getting better. She hasn’t badgered me in a while, so I think we’re on the right track.

  • Amy

    Angie, I cannot express how touched I am by your bravery in sharing your little Audry with the world. Grief is a very personal and private experience, there is no greater loss than that of a child. It was the brave thing to do, to go through with the pregnancy even with the full knowledge of the heartbreak that awaited you. What the world will never understand is that there is dignity in life. No matter how short, or long; suffering does not lessen or compromise its worth. In fact this is what makes it so singularly precious.

  • http://www.4tunate.net/ QuatroMama

    Oh Ang, you nailed it. Commited to working on this together…

  • Erin

    I kind of want to cry reading this. Partly because I do this so much and also because I’m PMSing and over emotional. But thank you for writing this, I needed to read it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/geneva.houx Geneva Houx

    Oof.

  • Erin

    Thank you so much for such an honest and helpful post! It’s as if you were writing about me! And just like you, 9 times out of 10, I’m demanding my wee ones hurry up because that’s what I want, not because it’s needed. I’m definitely going to make a committed effort to work on this. I want so badly to be a better mom and a better light for Jesus, and yelling “hurry up!” is not cutting it! Thank you for being so wonderful! Have a great day!