I apologize for the fact that there is going to be a lot going on in this post that you don’t have background for. It’s going to seem a little out of the blue, but the truth is I just haven’t wanted to take you all on a roller-coaster ride unless I felt like there was good reason. You have shown me how much you care about my family and have earnestly prayed for us in the past and I don’t want to insert drama where it’s unnecessary.
The past several weeks have been a NIGHTMARE. I have been complaining to my OB about a myriad of bizarre things that are happening to me, and the bottom line is that my intuition (Mr. Holy Spirit…) has been urging me to keep investigating this stuff and now I understand why. I have had the most insane, frustrating, tortuous itching for several weeks. I have tried every trick in the book and nothing works. You know when you just know that something else is going on? Well, that’s how I felt. I went to the hospital one night for several of the symptoms and they sent me home, unable to find anything of consequence. I had numerous tests done and this week, two of them (related to my liver) came back abnormally. They re-tested a few days later and it was still high.
I also had an ultrasound a few days ago that showed a slight (not concerning and very common) issue with Charlotte’s kidney. Let’s just say that when you are having an ultrasound to measure fetal movement and the tech keeps telling you how great everything looks, only to zoom in on the kidneys for no reason and start taking a million measurements will kind of freak someone out. And it doesn’t help much that when your husband asks why she is looking at the kidneys, she becomes very stoic and tells you she can’t discuss it and that my doctor will explain. I know they aren’t supposed to say anything, and it wasn’t her fault, but I just started bawling on the table and had to wait for her to do a million more measurements, all the while thinking it was what Audrey had.
It was not.
It is something that has to do with a little fluid being backed up in her kidney and there is absolutely no concern about it. In fact, it looked better today and there is every reason to believe it will remedy itself.
Well, a few weeks ago I started googling and everything I found pointed to this condition called ICP. I asked them to do a test, and although they didn’t do it in the first round, they did agree to in the second round because they were looking for something to explain the liver issue.
I had another ultrasound today and Charlotte looks great. For those of you who are counting, I was 35 weeks on Saturday. They are estimating her to be 6 pounds already and the woman who did the scan has been doing it for 15 years and said she got fantastic measurements and believes it to be right on.
So, all good.
But then I saw my OB (I happen to really, really like her and she has been fantastic and empathetic during this whole ordeal) and she told me they knew why I was itching, and had received the bile test results that I pushed for. Well, guess what?
They aren’t normal.
If you are a nurse, or in the medical field, you’ll know the punchline to this story. There is an increased risk of stillbirth and a host of other things that are not really good things. I’m not freaking out but it is a little alarming being told you need to monitor the baby’s movement and call if it feels like it has slowed down.
Because of the risks associated with this particular issue, they have made the decision to deliver Charlotte as soon as her lungs are mature. As it stands, I am having an amnio on Friday and if all is well, will have my c-section on Saturday (5/22).
I am relieved to have answers to this nagging feeling, but of course, based on my history, Satan would love to prey on my anxieties. I have tried to be really cautious sharing info because I am not a doctor and I felt like my assumptions could have been misleading. As a general rule, I don’t like to do posts where I’m just pouting about something that is “uncomfortable.” Especially when there are people all around me who have lost their houses and are in complete crisis trying to get on their feet. It just feels a little weird. But after today, knowing what the cause is and what the risks are (they are low, for the record…) I would really love to ask for your prayer about this. I want to be wise about how it’s handled and make sure Charlotte is in good shape before she arrives, but I am also keenly aware that shortly it will be safe to say she will probably be better outside of me than inside.
So, that’s the gist, friends. And also, kudos to my editor Jennifer. I was supposed to have a big book signing out of town this weekend and she had a catch in her spirit about it weeks ago and cancelled it
I will also need to go in Thursday for another ultrasound to check Charlotte’s movement, and I will keep you all posted on how it goes. Every time I have typed Charlotte’s name into this post I have started with “Aud…” and then caught myself. It is a strange and difficult place to feel some of the same helplessness I did with her, and honestly I have really struggled emotionally during these weeks as I have had to come face to face with some of the hurt I had filed away.
I’m pretty sure I am rambling, so I’ll stop I’m going to take an oatmeal bath for the 400th consecutive time and pray that it brings a little relief. They have put me on medicine to help with this (I can’t remember the name, it starts with an “A” I think?) so hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.
He is Who He was before today.
I am reminding myself over and over that the truth is still the truth. It isn’t somewhere I haven’t been with Him already, and we’ll get through.
In the meantime, could you pray for me and this sweet girl?
I’m crying because I know you will and I am so grateful for all of you…
Love to you all,
P.S. I just saw a comment that Blogher had put up ads for Sex in the City on my blog today, as they apparently did on other bloggers sites. I have opted out of ads like this, and I apologize when they come up. I have never seen an episode of that show but based on the previews, I’m thinking it doesn’t look like something I would approve on here. I would have contacted them and let them know but it isn’t there anymore so maybe they took it down for me Please do not hesitate to share that kind of info with me, as it is difficult to keep up with. Go ahead and shoot me an email or a tweet and let me know so I can notify them. They have always been very respectful of my choices in the past and I really believe it was an accident, so hopefully they can keep it family-friendly from now on…